Breaking Chains: Letting Go Of Toxic Relationships

Toxic relationships can drive you to your breaking point. These may be difficult to get out of, and you may not even realize things are bad until you’re in deep. Today we’ll look at healthy versus toxic relationships and how to break those chains.

 

Identifying a Toxic Relationship

 

The first step in breaking free from your chains is identifying when the chains are there. All relationships go through bad times. The difference is that toxic relationships seem to be perpetually stuck in a dark place. This is true for any type of relationship, not just romantic.

 

Signs of a healthy relationship include:

• Respect
• Trust
• Good communication
• Mutual commitment
• Kindness
• Fun
• Comfort
• Support of each other’s goals
• Partnership in decisions

On the other hand, signs of a toxic relationship include:

• Disrespect
• Lack of trust
• Dishonesty
• Poor communication
• Major difference in goals
• Lack of support
• Stress
• Jealousy
• Excessive control
• Disregard of each other’s needs and wants

Maintaining Safety

 

Depending on the level of toxicity, breaking the relationship off could have safety concerns. This mainly refers to partners in romantic relationships but not always. In these cases, it could be a good idea to consult with local law enforcement or the National Domestic Violence Hotline before taking any action. To reach the hotline, you can either call 800-799-7233 or text “START” to 88788. More information is available on their website.

 

Keys to Success

 

There are a few main components that ensure success when breaking off a toxic relationship. They include:

• Support System: Keep your loved ones in the loop about what’s going on with you. Let them know why you’re leaving the relationship and seek assistance from them if needed. Community support groups are also available if you need to talk with people who are going through the same thing.

• Independence: Learn how to take care of yourself and complete daily tasks. This includes managing your basic needs, finances, recreation, and other errands.

• Professional Assistance: Again, law enforcement and other measures may be necessary to maintain physical safety. From a mental health standpoint, you may also want to seek professional counseling before and after ending the relationship.

• Cutting Ties: One of the worst things you can do when leaving a toxic relationship is leaving the door open for the other person to come back into your life. It will be difficult to step away but it’s necessary for long-term healing. Once you no longer share material possessions and communication is not essential, delete their contact information and take them off your social media. Do not indulge in conversations about them with friends, family, or mutual connections.

• Self-Care: Engage in activities that bring you physical, mental, and emotional comfort and peace. Take care of your basic needs, live a healthy lifestyle, and participate in relaxing and recreational activities.

 

What To Say

 

What you say and how you say it during a breakup is critical to your success in walking away. Here are a few tips for breaking the chain of a toxic relationship:

• Maintain a strong and assertive but non-aggressive tone of voice.
• Use strong body language, including a tall stance, relaxed shoulders, and good eye contact.
• Use “I” statements and accept that the other person may not take responsibility for their actions.
• Use definitive language. For example, don’t say “I need a break”. Instead, say “I’m leaving you and I don’t want you in my life anymore”.

 

Healing From Toxic Relationships

 

It’s best to take a holistic approach to healing from a toxic relationship. This means focusing on every aspect of your wellbeing, not just your emotional health. Some of these aspects include:

• Physical: This involves factors such as diet, sleep, exercise, and personal hygiene.
• Mental: This involves using coping skills and/or professional help to deal with unwanted thoughts and emotions.
• Social: This involves your social connections such as family, friends, work, hobbies, and other social obligations.

 

Source Links

 

https://www.healthline.com/health/toxic-relationship

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/202206/how-recover-toxic-relationship

 

https://www.thehotline.org/

 

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-leave-a-toxic-marriage-4091900

 

https://www.waldenu.edu/programs/psychology/resource/ten-signs-of-a-healthy-relationship

 

Your Improvement, Your Journey: Personal Growth Tactics

Written By: Ian Garza

Embarking on a journey of self-improvement requires dedication, knowledge, and a willingness to embrace change. This guide is tailored to inspire and equip you with effective strategies to enhance your well-being. Embrace these principles to unlock a healthier, more fulfilled you.

Embrace Movement Whenever You Can

Physical activity is a celebration of your body's capabilities. Beyond physical benefits, exercise is a powerful tool for mental clarity and emotional stability. Whether it's a morning run or a dance class, find joy in movement and let it become a sanctuary for your well-being. Regular exercise boosts endorphin levels, elevating your mood and combating stress. It also helps in building resilience, improving sleep quality, and fostering a sense of accomplishment.

 

Hydration: The Essence of Vitality

 

Water, the source of life, is often overlooked in its importance. Consistent hydration is the cornerstone of health, facilitating critical processes within your body. Strive to consume at least two liters daily. This simple yet profound act can revolutionize your physical and mental performance. Adequate water intake aids in detoxifying the body and enhances cognitive functions. It also plays a vital role in maintaining skin health and preventing dehydration.

 

Navigating the Path to Sobriety

 

If sobriety is your goal, know that seeking help is a sign of strength. In times of struggle, do not hesitate to seek help locating available treatment. Rehab can offer the guidance and support needed to reclaim control over your life. Recovery is a journey that requires patience and perseverance, and rehab provides the tools and support necessary for this path. It's a safe space to understand and overcome the challenges of addiction, offering a new perspective on life.

 

The Miraculous Benefits of Vitamin C

 

Vitamin C is a powerhouse for health and beauty. Its ability to increase skin elasticity by a staggering 61.4% surpasses even the most acclaimed cosmetic creams. In this era of health uncertainties, like the pneumonia virus outbreak, the immune-boosting properties of Vitamin C are indispensable. It also aids in wound healing and acts as a powerful antioxidant, protecting the body against free radicals. Regular intake of Vitamin C can lead to improved heart health and lower the risk of chronic diseases.

 

Yoga: Harmony of Body and Spirit

 

Yoga is not just exercise; it's a bridge to inner peace. This ancient practice weaves together physical postures and mindful awareness, promoting a unique equilibrium of body and mind. Embrace yoga as a tool for flexibility, strength, and serenity. Practicing yoga regularly can lead to improved posture and reduced back pain. It also encourages deep breathing and mental focus, which are essential for stress management.

 

The Art of Meditation: A Refuge for the Mind

 

In the chaos of everyday life, meditation offers a haven of tranquility. This practice of mindfulness and concentration can transform your mental landscape, reducing stress and fostering a profound sense of inner calm. Meditation improves self-awareness and emotional well-being, allowing for better handling of life's challenges. It can also enhance creativity and problem-solving skills, making it a valuable tool for personal and professional growth.

 

Nutritional Wisdom: Eating for Life

 

The food you consume is the fuel that drives you. A diet rich in fruits, vegetables, and lean proteins is not just about maintaining health; it's about enriching your life. Nourish your body and soul with choices that reflect a commitment to your well-being. Eating healthily can lead to a more balanced mood and sustained energy levels throughout the day. It also supports immune function, reducing the risk of illnesses and promoting longevity.

 

Your journey to self-improvement is a testament to your strength and determination. By adopting these practices, you are not only transforming your life but also setting a foundation for lasting health and happiness. Embrace this journey with an open heart and mind, and witness the remarkable changes that follow.

 

Gain insights and inspiration from Dr. Tan Kwan Hong – start exploring today!

 

Image by Freepik

Unburden Your Heart: The Path To Letting Go Of Grudges And Resentment

Negative emotions such as anger and bitterness can be triggered when someone hurts you by saying or doing something offensive. It’s challenging to let go, to forgive, and the feelings of resentment linger, weighing you down and making your heart feel heavy.

A study published by Springer Link confirms that “Bearing grudges is associated with a history of pain disorders, cardiovascular disease, and stomach ulcers.”  Holding grudges and resentment is linked to a higher risk of heart attack, disease, high blood pressure, arthritis, back pain, headaches, and chronic pain. In addition, the anger from resentment can cause mental health problems such as anxiety and depression.

It’s in your best interest to move past the hurt caused by others to protect your health and well-being. There are strategies to free yourself of resentment.

Why Do We Struggle to Let Go?

A 2021 analysis by researchers explored why we hold resentment and found that our self-esteem is a factor. Humans need validation, meaning we want others to agree with our actions or beliefs. Otherwise, we feel morally inferior, becoming defensive and increasing the difficulty of accepting and forgiving others.

In some cases, people simply have an inability to let go and forgive. People who haven’t achieved forgiveness may have a longer latency period, meaning it takes them more time to think about the incident and arrive at any response. The hurt exists but has not been revealed yet - the bad feelings can become overpowering.

 

Strategies for Moving Forward

 

The following are strategies that can help you recover from being hurt.

Meditation

 

Mindfulness Meditation helps you explore and understand your pain while reducing stress. It calms negative thoughts and restores a positive focus. The keys to mindfulness meditation are to be aware of your breathing and living in the moment. Mindfulness can give you peace of mind and improve your self-acceptance. You can learn to practice mindfulness meditation online, or your community may offer meditation classes.

 

Practice Forgiveness

 

Be aware of the emotions that you are feeling and recognize how those feelings are impacting your physical and mental health and your behavior. Accept the feelings and the situation that occurred. You are in control, not the person that caused the event. You have the power to forgive and move on with your life.

 

Be Compassionate

 

The person who caused you to be distressed may be having issues that affect their behavior, such as the death of a loved one, a bad relationship, or low self-esteem. Think about your past interactions with the person. Are they typically pleasant and non-confrontational? Is their behavior different than in the past? Being empathetic and kind can help you to achieve forgiveness.

 

Self-Distancing

 

Research by psychologists Ozlem Ayduk and Ethan Kross found that self-distancing is significantly beneficial in overcoming the negative feelings caused by grudges and resentment. Self-distancing entails thinking about the situation from a third-person perspective rather than an active participant perspective. 

 

Envision that you’re watching actors in a movie replay the situation that occurred. This technique helps you to see the “big picture’, increasing your ability to cope with the past and have a broader perspective on the event.

 

Conclusion

 

It is human nature to be angry, sad, or upset when someone’s words or actions hurt us. Holding onto anger and resentment is harmful to your health and well-being. While it can be difficult to forgive and move on, it’s in your best interest to do so. The preceding techniques can help you to cope, forgive, and unburden your heart.

 

References

 

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00127-009-0054-0

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4384185/

 

https://abbymedcalf.com/the-key-to-letting-go-of-resentment/

 

https://www.mindful.org/how-to-meditate/

 

Mayo Clinic

 

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20438226/

 

Embracing Change: Letting Go To Welcome The New

We all have something we want to let go of, whether it be a harmful habit, physical item, or toxic viewpoint that keeps us tethered to where we are. However, despite wanting to let go, the reality is that embracing change can be hard to do. 

 

Oftentimes, the struggle to let go and embrace change has to do with not having control over the future - and that can be a really powerful fear. But the reality is that while we can make choices based on the best information we have at the time, life is always going to be in a state of flux. 

 

Whether the change is good or sad, practicing the art of letting go can help you to become more flexible and adaptable. It can also help us move forward if we’re still living in the past. Here’s some helpful information that can do just that. 

 

Why Do We Struggle With Change? 

 

Before we dive into all the ways you can start letting go, let’s first analyze why we’re so resistant to change in the first place. 

 

According to Katherine Cullen MFA, LCSW, in her article titled Why Is Change So Hard? published in Psychology Today, “We often find ourselves resisting change, perhaps because of the perceived risk or fear associated with it.” 

 

In her article, she refers to examples such as a chain smoker looking to quit the habit. First, is the acknowledgment of the act. in this case, the smoker realizes that they’re going through a lot of cigarettes per day. While this isn’t enough to prompt immediate action, it gets the gears turning. 

 

The next phase is contemplation, which is when the individual considers the pros and cons of letting go. In the case of a chain smoker, this could be comparing the benefits of quitting such as renewed lung tissue and lowering the risk of developing lung cancer, as well as the cons such as not knowing another way to relieve stress and being fearful of not having any other method of self-soothing. 

 

After weighing the pros and cons, most people will then make a detailed plan - i.e. choose a day to quit smoking and buy a yoga mat for stress relief or hard candy to suck on when they have a craving. Then, they go through with it. Getting to this point of action is hard, but maintaining the lifestyle is even harder because everything is outside of the person’s comfort zone. 

 

For a chain smoker, a watermelon-flavored hard candy is hardly going to be an adequate substitute for something they enjoy. And since lifestyle changes aren’t a linear process, any setbacks could lead to self-judgment and frustration, making embracing the new change all the more difficult. 

 

This cycle is why we’re so resistant to change. We’re often fearful of what lies on the other side of change. Though change isn’t always bad, it’s the what-ifs that we focus on. While the chain smoker giving up cigarettes is just one example, another might be an adult child having difficulty discarding their deceased mother’s clothing. 

 

While they may not necessarily need them, they’re scared of getting rid of them for the risk that they will one day change their mind, or that they will somehow be disappointing their loved ones. Fears like this lead to prolonged (and unnecessary) suffering. 

 

Parents with grown children may also suffer through the struggle to let go of their child’s bedroom or childhood effects, which can make it hard to embrace their child’s adulthood and the new dynamic shared between them. 

 

At the end of the day, the fear of letting go and embracing change often comes down to not knowing what to expect and the risk of having regrets about the decision to change later on, especially if it doesn’t pan out the way we want. 

 

Tips for Letting Go and Embracing Change

 

Letting go can be hard as is, let alone when we’re also forced to embrace the unwanted change that comes with it. 

 

As in the example above, letting go of a loved one’s clothes or personal items has nothing to do with the love of the tangible items, but rather the fear that they’re going to forget their loved ones if they don’t have a physical memory attached to them. 

 

Regardless of what you’re struggling to let go of, here are some tips that can help you welcome change, even if it’s going to be a little difficult. 

 

Declutter

 

Like the example mentioned earlier, holding onto items for the fear that you’ll regret getting rid of them isn’t a good enough reason to keep them around. Clutter can lead to stress, anxiety, and in many cases, depression. 

 

Holding onto items that no longer serve you, even if they’re simply no longer your style, can keep you in the past and chain you there. If you’re interested in letting go, start small. Grab a trash bag and find 10 items you can throw away, like receipts, chipped mugs, or socks that have holes in them. With enough practice, you can work your way up from items that are damaged to those that have a mental chokehold on you. 

 

This is especially true if you’re holding onto clutter for sentimental reasons. While it’s okay to keep a few things, dedicating your home to people or lifestyles from the past can keep you tethered to a painful time in your life. Learning to let go can help you accept what happened and embrace your new life moving forward. 

 

Don’t Dismiss Your Fears

 

One way you can embrace change is by acknowledging that you don’t want to let certain things go, whether it’s a tangible item or not. 

 

The more you try to dismiss your feelings, and by proxy, your fears, the more likely they are to stay with you and affect your decisions. If you want to truly embrace change, then acknowledge that getting rid of your mother’s items, or your child’s baby clothes (for example) is hard. 

 

Then, go ahead and acknowledge your fears about getting rid of them. For example, getting rid of baby clothes could signify that the time of your life is over, and you’re scared of what comes next. 

 

Oftentimes, the difficulty of letting go is because we’re fearful of feeling sad, being alone, moving on, or feeling vulnerable. However, these are feelings shared among society. When you bring these fears to the surface, they not only no longer seem so scary, but you can now identify solutions. 

 

With the right support system, you can embrace your fears and still let go, knowing that it’s going to suck…and that’s okay. 

 

Listen to Your Inner Voice

 

At the end of the day, you’ll know when it’s time to get rid of something, or someone, or move on. These feelings are usually subtle; one day you just don’t feel the same way about it anymore. However, when you have that inkling, take notice. 

 

Your inner voice doubles as your voice of reason. Though you may be quick to ignore it or do the opposite, trust that when that little voice pops up telling you it’s time to let go, it’s because deep down, it’s what you know is best for you. 

 

Letting go and embracing change is all about the fear of not knowing what lies around the corner. You can make this change easier by trusting your gut and realizing that yes, change can be scary, but so can staying miserable where you are. 

 

How Can I Feel More Comfortable With Change?

Change can be difficult to deal with, mainly because it is uncomfortable. However, change is an essential part of life. If you can't deal with change, you will never move forward or grow as a person. Below are some ways to help yourself be more comfortable with any changes that are coming your way. 

 

Recognize When Change is Coming

 

Sometimes, change is so uncomfortable because you weren't expecting it. This is why you should do your best to recognize when change is coming and tell yourself in advance. For example, maybe your boss just put in her two weeks' notice. This means that there will be a new boss in two weeks, who will probably want to change a few things around the office. Let yourself know this and go over the scenario in your mind so the change won’t seem as shocking when it does come about. 

 

Write Down Your Fears

 

Change is also uncomfortable because it often digs up some of your deepest fears. Think about the above example. You could be worried that a new boss will demote or fire you. If this is the case, write these fears down. Writing your fears down, no matter what they are, will help you be less afraid and better prepared when (and if) you need to face them at some point. 

 

Ask For Help

 

Are you struggling with a certain change? Ask for help. This can be in the form of mental help from a health professional, or maybe even just asking if your friend will allow you to vent with them for a little bit. Everyone has gone through changes at some point in their life and knows how they are feeling. So know that you never have to face change alone.

 

Look For the Positives

 

All of this fear and discomfort comes from the negative side of change. Remember, change isn't negative. Change is actually positive. This means you need to do all that you can to see the positive side of change. So maybe your boss is leaving, but maybe this means you will finally get a promotion or that you will have a great time working for someone new. No matter the change in your life, there is always a positive side!

 

Overall, change is a crucial part of life, but knowing this doesn't make it any less difficult to go through. When you are struggling to be comfortable with change, try preparing yourself in advance, writing down your fears, and asking for help if you need it. Don't forget to always look at the positive side of change so that you can forget the negatives. 

 

4 Ways Taking Risks Can Help Us

Taking a risk in life can be scary, and often your friends and family will warn you against it. However, did you know that taking some risks is in your best interest? 

 

Below are four ways that taking risks can help you. 

 

1. You’ll Learn How to Fail

 

Many people are scared to take risks because they are afraid to fail. However, the possibility of failure is actually a reason you should take risks. Anyone who has ever told you that they've never failed has likely never succeeded either. Failure is an absolutely critical part of success. How can you know how to succeed unless you've learned a few ways not to succeed? It also helps you build character and shape you into a better, more well-prepared person. So take a risk, and even if you fail, at least you will learn something important.

 

2. You’ll Gain Confidence

 

When you succeed after taking a risk, you will gain confidence. This confidence will help move you forward in life to bigger, and often better, things. Without confidence, you will likely stay in the same rut you may be in right now. 

 

3. You’ll Conquer Your Fears

 

Another reason people tend not to take risks is that they are afraid. Whether that is fear of failure, or something else, you can't expect to conquer these fears without taking a risk or two! 

 

Sometimes people are afraid of finding out who they really are because taking risks will reveal this. This is a critical aspect necessary for personal growth. So no matter what risk it is in your life that you are facing, it's time to go for it and see what happens so you can conquer your fears and find out who you are. 

 

4. You Will Be Successful

 

The number one way that taking risks helps is to lead you on the path to success. No one in this world has become successful just by sitting around their bedroom waiting for something to happen. Risks and success go hand in hand. Even if you aren't successful on the first try, remember to stick with it because eventually, you will achieve the success you desire. 

 

Overall, it is scary to take risks, but this is exactly why you should do so! Once you start taking risks, you will learn how to fail, face your fears, gain confidence, and it will eventually lead you to success!