Showing posts with label Conflicts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Conflicts. Show all posts

Saturday, 25 June 2022

7 Tips for Restoring Your Self-Worth After a Toxic Relationship


Well, that didn’t go right.

 

We walk into a relationship with so much enthusiasm. We think what we’ve found is the best thing in the world, which is a heady feeling for while it lasts. Sadly, when a relationship is toxic, we’re frequently the last to know. By the time we escape, our self-worth has already taken a hefty blow. 

 

So, how do you restore positive feelings about yourself after a toxic relationship?

 

Release Your Victimhood

 

The more you focus on what happened, the more you get stuck, so the sooner you can quit revisiting the past and dwelling on perceptions of ill treatment, the sooner you’re going to put all this behind you. This doesn’t mean to say this was your fault, but obsessing about the ‘shoulds’ and going back over every encounter is only going to hurt you regardless of whether you were in the right or not.

 

Drop the Blame

 

Was it your fault? Not. The sooner you can let go of any residual guilt or bad feelings about the relationship, the happier you’ll be. The next step should help.

 

Silence Their Voice 

 

The problem with toxic relationships is you tend to believe what the other person said about you, no matter how outlandish it seemed at the time. Now their voice is there, lurking in your head to remind you of all your so-called shortcomings at every opportunity—time to tell them to shut up once and for all.

 

Embrace the New You

 

Find joy in being single. Spoil yourself. Do that thing you always wanted to do. Take lessons, build your skill set as you build yourself up. Become your own best friend in a way that doesn’t require validation from any outside source.

 

Believe Your Friends 

 

You hear the compliments, but they’re going in one ear and out the other. Rather than brush off the nice things, people around you are saying, start listening. Listening until these words become a part of who you are.

 

Create Goals You Love

 

What would you like to do with your life? Too often, our goals reflect the needs and desires around us. Now is the time to reverse this. Accepting you are capable, and your goals are worth fighting for, what do YOU want to do? 

 

Affirmations

 

Work through the worst offenders of negative self-talk through positive affirmations. Take note of what you’re telling yourself. Rewrite the script and turn these statements around into affirmations that you read to yourself every day.

 

Remember, this is a process and is likely to take time. By reminding yourself of just how amazing you are, and focusing hard on these steps, eventually, you will start feeling the difference even if you don’t see it yet. Hang in there!

 


The 7 Keys for Improving Relationships

 

Human life is full of moments with people. These are people we build relationships with. And relationships aren’t just confined to people who are actually related to us—we can have a relationship with anyone we interact with. And it is because of this ubiquitous nature of human relationships that we constantly strive to improve them. In fact, when we are improving our relationships with people, we are actually improving ourselves. If we are looking for personal development, this is one of the most concrete ways to go about it.

 

Whatever the type of relationship may be, however simple or however complex, its enhancement basically boils down to the following simple keys.

 

Commitment

 

For your relationship to blossom, commitment is an important prerequisite. You have to commit to the other person in terms of your thoughts, your words, your expressions and you have to show it to them by investing time in them and putting in the right efforts to grow your relationship.

 

Freedom

 

You shouldn’t bind the people you are in a relationship with. Just as you want your freedom, the other person wants their freedom too. Respect that and you will find the relationship going forward.

 

Respect

 

You need to respect the other person’s feelings and emotions, likes and dislikes, wants and desires and so on. Respect them for what they are, for what they stand for and do not expect them to change for you.

 

Support

 

Being in a relationship means supporting each other. You have to help them in their aspirations and in their joys and sorrows. This will only get back to you—if you support the person you have a relationship with, they are going to support you too.

 

Equality

 

No one is higher than the other when they have a relationship. At least, you shouldn’t harbor such feelings in your mind. If you are connected with a person for some reason, then you need to think of them as equal to you. You need them just as much as they need you.

 

Resolving Conflicts

 

It is not that everything will be hunky-dory always in your relationship. There will be conflicts. You will argue; you will have alterations. But, when you are fostering a relationship with someone, it is essential that you resolve all these conflicts with them in a constructive manner, without demeaning each other and through fruitful discussion.

 

Trust

 

If you want the people you are in a relationship with to trust you, then you need to trust them first. Trust is the foundation on which a relationship is built.

 


Top 5 Relationship Killers that You Must Avoid

 

Relationships are made and broken all around us. At such times, we become apprehensive about our own relationships. We try to protect what we cherish the most. We try to look at ways and means how we can keep our relationship flame burning. However, at the same time, we don’t realize that there are things we may do that can destroy a beautiful relationship. Actually speaking, it is these things—which are mostly behavioral traits—that we need to avoid.

 

Possessiveness

 

It is good to be a little possessive about your partner, but if you are too possessive, then it can only backfire. You shouldn’t, for example, hog all of their free time. You shouldn’t be jealous of the other people they move around with. Give them their life to live; if you are confident about them, you will always remain the most important person in their life.

 

Restrictions

 

Too often, in a relationship, we tend to make people act in the way we want them to act. We tell them to avoid doing certain things they like and do certain things they detest. This is restrictive behavior. If you put yourself in their place, you will find that this kind of behavior can be stifling. A time may come when your partner eventually snaps and walks out.

 

Asking for Change

 

You need to realize that your partner is a different person. They have been brought up in a different way from you and they have a personality that is different from yours. You shouldn’t want them to become like you; it is best if they remain the person they were when you first decided to have a relationship with them. Even if your partner is willing to change, it will be unacceptable to them as well as you.

 

Complacency

 

When you are in a relationship, you have certain obligations. You need to do a few special things keeping your partner in mind. It is not just about remembering their birthday and showering them with gifts, but you also have to give them a good ear when they want it, a shoulder to cry on when they are looking for one and a motivational word when they need it. You cannot let your relationship grow all by itself; it won’t.

 

Competition

 

Even within the staunchest of relationships, there is always an element of skepticism. You shouldn’t do anything to aggravate that feeling. For example, it is best not to be too friendly to other people if your partner is feeling threatened by them. Casual banter is all right, but you need to draw the line with your other people when you are in a relationship with someone.



Sunday, 12 June 2022

6 Tips To Make Fear Your Friend


What makes you afraid? Is it losing someone you love? Or is it having to see your dentist? Maybe you fear thunderstorms or heights or elevators.

 

Whatever it is, fear is normal. It’s how our body warns us of dangerous situations and that we should be careful.

 

Yet, sometimes, our fears can become so great that they hold us back from living up to our full potential. They fill us with dread and uncertainty that we soon become constantly stressed and anxious over the smallest things.

 

Although surprisingly, fear, in its positive form, can actually be good for us. It can inspire innovative ideas and motivate us to reach new heights.

 

So, we’re here today to help you make fear your friend. Follow the six tips below, and you’ll know how to turn what was once your foe into an ally.

 

Let’s get started.

 

Identify the Source

 

This is probably the hardest step, but it’s absolutely worth it. But first, you need to come to terms with the source of your fear in order to overcome it.

 

Being aware of the root cause will be difficult in the beginning, but it’ll make you stronger. You’ll no longer live in the shadow of that big, insurmountable fear.

 

Embrace It

 

You’ve come face-to-face with your fear. Now, it’s time to embrace it.

 

But before you do that, you have to actually admit that such-and-such scares you. There are several ways to do this. First, you can either say it aloud, preferably to someone else in a natural setting.

 

You can also write it down in a journal or diary. The point is to get it out of your head and into real life. That’s when your fear loses its control over you.

 

It also feels better to get it off your chest and share it with the world. You’ll be surprised to know just how many people are just as afraid as you are.

 

Think Rationally

 

Fear makes us panic, and panic makes us do stupid things. In fact, studies show that when we panic, our prefrontal cortex shuts down. This is the region of our brain responsible for rational thinking.

 

So, case in point, learn how to think rationally despite your worries and panic. Make fear your friend, and you’ll be able to go a lot farther in life.

 

Take Stock

 

People deal with fear, stress, and anxiety in different ways. Some people like to be challenged and are great under pressure. Others find it better to work at their own pace without any tight deadlines looming overhead.

 

Whichever way you prefer, the important thing is not to let fear get the better of you. For example, say you’re afraid to speak in public. But then a colleague suddenly got sick and asked you to take over the presentation you’ve been preparing for weeks.

 

In this scenario, you have to pick whether you’ll let your fear overpower you or whether you’ll rise to the challenge.

 

The latter won’t be easy, but it’ll definitely be worth it in the long run. Be objective and tell yourself that others have held presentations before and have lived to tell about it. So, what’s the big deal?

 

Remember, your mind tends to blow things out of proportion. So, find a way to deal with the stress and take stock. It’s the only way you’ll be able to harness your fear and get the job done.

 

Find Support

 

No one ever failed by having a strong support system. Surround yourself with people who encourage you to do better. These are the people who listen to you when you’re venting about your fears and anxiety, and they still choose to love you unconditionally.

 

A lot of research has been carried out on the benefits of having a support system. It empowers you with good coping skills while boosting your self-esteem and overall well-being.

 

Moreover, a sound support system can lower stress, anxiety, and depression rates. 

 

Be Positive

 

Whenever you’re afraid, you’ll tend to focus on negative thoughts and emotions. But then, they fester in your mind and transform into this big, ugly thing that you can no longer control.

 

Why not try some positivity for a change? Remember, the mind is quite powerful; it just needs a small push in the right direction.

 

By thinking positively, you can overcome your fears and actually live to tell the tale! All you have to do is believe it, and everything else will fall into place.

 


3 Ways Understanding Brain Science Builds an Inner Calm


What if someone told you that you could control your brain? Well, the good news is you can. All you need is some practice and a little bit of knowledge. Brain science isn’t rocket science (see what we did there?). It’s a skill that can be learned with time, practice, and patience. Ready to learn how to be calm under pressure? Let’s go! 

 

1. Understand “Fight or Flight”

 

You can thank your elementary school teachers for beating this one into your head. If you need a little recap, “fight or flight” describes how the body reacts in stressful situations. To put it simply, you either decide to flee the scene (flight) or take action (fight). On a fundamental level, this explains why you react a certain way in order to survive. However, “fight or flight” is irrelevant in a lot of scenarios in our modern world. Yet, our brain senses danger when we experience things outside of what is “normal.” If you feel your body tensing up, for example, that’s a byproduct of “fight or flight.” The next time you think you’re experiencing this, ask yourself, “Is this really life or death? Or should I calm down and realize it will be okay?” 

 

2. Call out your Emotions 

 

Detaching from your emotions is prescribed by many meditation experts and leaders who have mastered the art of staying calm. We’re humans, so we’re inevitably going to experience the whole gamut of feelings. That being said, we can choose to observe them rather than attach to them. That means when you feel a surge of anger, call it out. Say, “That’s anger I’m experiencing because of XYZ. I know that this will pass, but I acknowledge that my feelings are valid.” Be sure to validate your feelings rather than dismiss them. Your emotions are real, and it is okay that you’re feeling them! 

 

3. Breathe

 

Sometimes, all you need to do is breathe. Connect to your breath. Count your breaths. Be grateful that you’re breathing. There are many ways to experience the delight of breathing, so take some time to figure out which approach works best for you. The important thing is that you’re doing it. As we mentioned with “fight or flight,” the body reacts to stress and adverse events. We may choke up, forget to breathe, or breathe super heavily. All of those things impact our mind, so try to instill a sense of calm in your body first. 



5 Creative Ways to Calm a Chaotic Mind


Do you ever feel like you can’t escape your mind? Maybe it’s always spinning out of control, or perhaps you have a lot of thoughts. A lot of people experience chaos in their own minds, and this can make things difficult when you’re trying to work toward your goals. The next time your mind is filled with confusion, try one of these five creative ways to alleviate the stress. 

 

1. Keep it Busy 

 

There’s a delicate balance between keeping your mind busy without overcrowding it. It’s one thing to occupy your mind so it doesn’t wander, but it’s a whole different ball game when you start stressing out about endless to-do lists and information overload. Try to write 3-5 things you want to accomplish every day — and be sure to add at least one thing that is purely for fun. This will keep your mind busy without getting you too stressed. 

 

2. Help Others 

 

When was the last time you extended a helping hand to someone who needs it? Our brains tend to calm down when we’re in “helper mode” because the focus is on others rather than our own problems or stresses. 

 

3. Pick up a Creative Hobby 

 

We all have a creative side, whether it’s deep down or you’re continually flexing your creative muscles. Picking up a creative hobby gives your brain a nice, healthy break from the usual grind. Plus, it allows you to expand your intelligence with new forms of thinking. Win-win! 

 

4. Care for your Physical Being 

 

The mind and bodywork hand in hand a lot, so if you aren’t caring for your physical being, you may notice some stress going on in your head. Take time to care for your body — work out more, take a walk, draw a bath, or snooze your alarm clock. There are lots of ways to reenergize your body so that you can take on more in your mind! 

 

5. Connect with Others 

 

Helping others and connecting with other people are two totally different things, but both are essential aspects of cultivating an active, healthy mind. As humans, we need socialization. We thrive when we are part of a tribe. We crave human interaction time, so get out there and get social! Every laugh and bit of chatter will feed your mind in countless ways. Call a friend and have lunch in the park. It doesn’t have to be a big production, since the goal is simple human connection.

 


5 Uncommon Methods that will Instill Calm into Your Life


We all know the conventional ways to achieve calm: meditate, go for a walk, listen to relaxing music, etc., but what about the uncommon ways to do it? For all of you who like to break the mold, here are some unconventional methods to instill calm into your life. 

 

1. Put your Phone on Silent 

 

Or even better, airplane mode. It’s a big ask, so don’t worry if you need to take baby steps to get there. The point of this exercise is that a silent phone increases the chances of achieving a quiet mind. We’re all so distracted by our black screens that we forget to soak up the present moment — so give it a go! 

 

2. Mindful Eating 

 

If you’re puzzled by this one, you’re not alone. Most people like to scarf down their food the second it’s in front of them — very primal of us. But every once and a while, it pays to eat slowly and take in every bite. Focus on the flavors as they marry, the textures, and the joy of being able to eat. That’s called mindful eating! 

 

3. Watch TV 

 

Hold on, watching TV will make me calmer?! Doesn’t everyone say it’s terrible for your mind? Well, we’re talking about watching TV in healthy, moderate doses. That doesn’t mean you should binge-watch TV every day, but when your mind needs a break, it’s perfectly acceptable to put on an episode of your favorite show to relax. 

 

4. Do Something Mundane 

 

Most people don’t get excited about mundane, menial tasks like doing the laundry or washing dishes, but it’s great for the mind. You’re probably used to a lot of thinking in that brain of yours, which means you’re not giving it a lot of time to focus on something without being totally consumed by it. Try it out! 

 

5. Use Art to Achieve Calm 

 

You may not be a junior Picasso (or maybe you are!), but that doesn’t mean you can’t use art to calm your mind. Go to a museum or stare at your favorite picture hanging on your wall. Art does an excellent job of calming people down and bringing them back to a grounded state. 

 

Simple enough, right? No matter what method (or methods) you choose to try out, make sure you’re doing what feels best for your mind and body. This is a personal thing — finding calm should be a happy, worry-free journey. Good luck! 



Monday, 6 June 2022

The Importance of Listening to Other’s Viewpoints


When you disagree with someone, likely, you don't want to waste your time listening to their viewpoints. Although listening to something you disagree with isn't always fun, it is important to your future for several reasons. 

 

You Will Learn Something New

 

When you take the time to listen to someone else and their viewpoints, you are exposed to thoughts that don't exist in your mind and perspectives you may not have considered before. And even though you may not like what you are hearing, you often learn new things by listening to others. This also helps expand your mind to be more accepting of new thoughts, which could help you be more successful in the future. 

 

Listening Helps You Develop Patience

 

As previously mentioned, being able to sit there and listen to someone you don’t agree with is difficult. You will have to have patience. And if you haven’t already developed the necessary patience for this task, just the practice of listening to others more often will help you to develop it. If you find you are struggling with the task, try to remember you are listening to learn something new. You can also listen with the intent to ask questions. This will help you focus on the words the other person is saying more carefully.

 

You Expand Your Network

 

People love when others listen to what they have to say, it makes them feel important. When you take the time to listen to someone else, even though you may not agree with what they are saying, you make that person feel better about themselves. And this can help you make a new friend or connection. This can help you on your path to success in the future as you never know when you may need to know someone in a certain field or area of study. And hey, expanding your network is always a good idea.

 

Overall, listening to someone else who has an opposing viewpoint from yourself will never be an easy task. But when you resolve to listen to someone else, this helps teach you new things and further develops your patience. Not only that, but it also helps you to grow your network which could provide unmeasured value to you in your future. Thus, it's time to learn how to listen to others sooner rather than later if you want to succeed in life. 

 


The Top Five Traits of a Good Listener


If you want to become a good listener there are certain traits and skills you will need to learn. Listening is a great skill to develop and it can improve all areas of your life. People love to talk and are always looking for someone to listen to them. 


  • When listening to someone your goal should be to understand their point of view. Listen to everything they say before forming your own opinion, and remember that you do not necessarily have to agree with them. Everyone deserves, and should form, their own opinions on various topics. 
  • Paying attention is the next trait. If you don’t pay attention you will miss out on important information. Always be aware of what is going on with the person who is speaking, and don’t forget to pay attention to your surroundings. 
  • The action of making eye contact with the person who is speaking, shows them that you are paying attention. If you start looking around you, you are giving them the impression that you are not interested, or have become bored. 
  • Try to look at their point of view and ask yourself if they might be the person who is right. 
  • Allow the person to finish talking. This often takes a little patience, but it can be helpful for both sides. First the person talking can vent their opinions or frustrations. Secondly it helps the listener to fully understand the issue at hand. 


A good listener will also think before responding back. Again they often ask what if this person is correct in their way of thinking. People have the bad trait of speaking before thinking and this can lead to all kinds of awkward or difficult situations. 

 

It is perfectly normal for your brain to want to respond quickly, stop yourself and think before you speak! 

 

Sometimes it can be hard to stay focused on a person, it is normal to want to look away. If you find yourself doing this try nodding to the person or making direct eye contact with them. This signals to them that you are paying attention. If you really need to look away for a second, then muffle a cough behind your hand! 

 

Other tips that you might want to use to show that you are paying attention include: 

 

  • Saying the person’s name now and again
  • Using facial expressions
  • Using body language

 

If you make an effort to put these five traits into play consistently, you will become a much better listener for it. 

 


6 Ways to Deal with the Upheaval at Work


If you’ve ever had things fall apart at work, you’re already quite familiar with upheaval at work. It happens every time you get a new boss, or they start making significant policy changes. Though let’s face it, even those small changes in the office can create tension and make it difficult to get things done.

 

Dealing with upheaval at work isn’t hard, though, so long as you keep your head. The next time things get complicated, try these tried-and-true methods to get you back on track.

 

Stop

 

Sometimes the smarted thing you can do in a crisis is absolutely nothing at all. You need to stop and think, as an emotional reaction is going to cost you in the long run. Start by taking several deep breaths and think about what to do next. Not to mention you’ll win some bonus points if management notices you’re the one keeping calm and acting rationally.

 

Stay Positive

 

Getting caught up on the negative isn’t going to help anything. You’ll only spiral down into a cycle of blame and complaints, ending on a lot of finger-pointing or negative self-talk. This is the time to pull out a Pollyanna attitude. Sure, things went wrong, but if you can keep your optimism, you’re more likely to find the opportunity in all of this, which is worlds more productive, not just for you, but for your co-workers as well.

 

Learn from the Situation

 

Speaking of opportunity, any upheaval is fodder for a learning experience if you let it become one. Step back and look at the whole situation rationally. Look for the lessons, and then ask yourself how you can apply them to prevent the next time.

 

Talk to Your Co-Workers

 

At work, you have a rich resource just waiting to be used. Draw on the talents and abilities of those around you. By banding together and brainstorming, you’re more likely to come up with a viable solution than you ever would working alone.

 

Eye on the Prize

 

You have a particular goal in working where you do. Remember this goal now. What can you do at this moment, which will put you back on track toward your goal? How can the upheaval maybe benefit your long-term goal? Now might be the time to act.

 

Expect Disaster

 

Well, of course, things are going to go wrong sometimes. Situations change, and in any workplace, there are many moving parts to keep things going smoothly. By being prepared for the things which could go wrong, you can head off a lot of what might be an upheaval in the making.

 


How to Use 30 Minutes to Stop Worrying


Worry can derail an entire day if you let it. But did you know you had the power to stop it in just 30 minutes of your time, freeing up the rest of the day to really live your life? The answer is more straightforward than you think. 

 

When you become accustomed to worrying, you gain a constant stream of negative feedback and information in your brain. It’s like leaving the TV on to a channel designed to inform you of every worst-case scenario, only personalized to make all those dire predictions all about you.

 

Doesn’t sound like much fun, does it?

 

But by designating 30 minutes every day for worrying and allowing yourself to worry only during those 30 minutes, you gain back your day and your life simultaneously. 

 

You start by setting a ‘worry time.’ Once you have this half-hour firmly in place (put it on your calendar if you need to), you can start kicking every worrying thought to the curb. You tell it, ‘later.” and then refuse to let it near you again until it’s your designated worry break.

 

How do you do this? Try these quick steps:

 

Pick a Time

 

Grab a half hour when you’re not going to be busy. Be careful not to pick one too near bedtime, though, as it might interfere with your ability to sleep.

 

Become Conscious of Your Thoughts

 

Every time you have a worrying thought, tell it to go away until later. If it helps, jot the worry down somewhere, so you have a list to look at during your break.

 

Use a Timer

 

Worries can very quickly take over as much time as you give to them. By setting your timer to 30 minutes, you’re keeping control of just how much time you’re going to spend worrying.

 

Record Your Thoughts

 

Either write down your worries as you think about them, or if you like, journal about your thoughts during this time. Be as detailed as you like. This might also be an excellent time to examine your worries, to figure out if there’s a recurring pattern or theme. Dig down into the heart of what’s really troubling you.

 

Stop When the Timer Goes Off 

 

At the end of 30 minutes, you’re done. Any new worries now have to wait until tomorrow. Close the journal, throw away the paper, do what you need to close off the worrying for the day.

 

Repeat

 

Do every one of these steps every single day for at least two weeks. Why? Because it takes time to form a habit, which is what you’re really trying to do here. 

 

In the end, you’ll be amazed at how much freer you feel when you realize you don’t have to worry all day long. You’ll sleep better at night and be much more productive during the day. Not bad for an investment of only half an hour.