5 Tips for More Effective Conflict Resolution

Conflicts are bound to happen, whether at home, at work, or in between. Unfortunately, what can start as something trivial can quickly escalate to something much more serious in a matter of minutes.

 

That’s why it pays to know how to effectively resolve any conflict you find yourself in. This way, you can create some healthy boundaries and balance your emotions without creating unnecessary stress and anxiety.

 

Here are five tips for more effective conflict resolution that will help you out of any jam. Take a look.

 

Tip #1: Find the Source of the Conflict

 

The first step in conflict resolution is to identify the source of the problem. Once you identify the issue, you can start taking the right measures toward fixing it.

 

On the other hand, if you carry on without knowing exactly why you’re feeling the way you do, you’ll be angry and all worked up without really knowing why.

 

So, while it may seem like a waste of time at first, if you think about it, you can’t solve any problem unless you first find the source of the problem.

 

Here’s another way of looking at it:

 

When you identify the root cause of the issue, everyone involved can help strive towards not repeating the same thing in the future.

 

Tip #2: Find a Quiet and Safe Place to Talk

 

Once you understand the underlying causes of the conflict, it’s time to bring in the other person if you haven’t already. The thing about conflict is that you have to nip it in the bud and address it in a timely manner, so it doesn’t manifest into something bigger over time.

 

Remember that there’s nothing wrong with having a difference of opinion every now and then. Yet, it’s how you communicate that makes all the difference in the world!

 

However, we’ve all been in similar situations and it can be daunting to try and engage in this type of discourse. Yet, you have to muster up the courage and just start because the sooner you deal with it, the better the outcome will be.

 

Tip #3: Actively Listen

 

Active listening plays a big role in determining the way your conflict resolution proceeds. So, you have to be patient when it’s the other person’s turn to speak.

 

Write down any rebuttals that pop into your head to avoid interrupting them.

 

Show that you respect the other person’s emotions and point of view. This way, they’ll make it a point to try and do the same when it’s your turn to speak.

 

Tip #4: Point Out Ways to Solve the Problem

 

After each person has had their chance to talk and listen, the next step is to try and find some sort of middle ground that both parties can agree on.

 

You’ll probably need a pen and paper or a board to write down your ideas. Then start brainstorming.

 

Write out all the ideas that come, even the crazy ones. Those are usually the ones that lead to an effective end to the problem.

 

Although, there’s one critical thing to always remember when working to resolve any conflict, and that’s to only focus on the issue at hand and not the person.

 

This will help make the other person feel safe enough to start finding ways to solve the issue, rather than always be on the defensive or feel like they’re constantly being judged.

 

Tip #5: Agree on the Best Solution

 

Finding common ground can be easier said than done. It requires each party to own up to their part of the conflict.

 

Not only that, but it also means they have to put in the effort of looking for a suitable compromise. Plus, they have to take the necessary steps to resolve it and make sure it doesn’t happen again.

 

That can only take place once all parties have set clear expectations while respecting the other person’s differences. Also, it’s helpful to think of conflict as an opportunity to grow. When it’s managed properly, it can bring great insight and help you become more attuned to your needs and the needs of those around you.

 

The good news is that after opening up communication lines, taking the time to listen, and collaborating on solutions, it’s all downhill from there. It becomes easier to establish neutral ground where everyone feels comfortable speaking and sharing ideas.

 

You Can Communicate Your Feelings Without Upsetting Others—Here’s How

Have you ever held back on saying something because you didn’t want to upset someone? There’s always a point where you internally debate whether or not to open up or say something, and it’s vital that you take that moment to decide to go forth and communicate. It’s not about avoiding upsetting people but rather about being confident in yourself and your feelings. You’re allowed to feel a certain way, and in order to communicate those feelings, start with these X tips. 

 

1. Understand Yourself Fully First

 

If you start a conversation off with anger or frustration or something else that fuels you to confront someone, chances are you will upset them. Instead, take some time to understand yourself first. Then, when you decide to communicate your feelings, you’ll have a clear headspace, and you’ll be ready to discuss maturely. 

 

2. Decide What to Communicate and What Not to Communicate

 

Some things are best kept to yourself. That doesn’t mean repressing them, but if you get annoyed at your friend for going shopping too often, that’s more of a personal problem than a problem you should voice. Before you jump into a conversation, delineate between the things you should discuss and the things you shouldn’t discuss. 

 

3. Think About Who You Trust

 

Opening up about emotions and vulnerability means you are ready to talk to someone about something serious. But that doesn’t mean you trust the person. You may feel vulnerable and just want a listening ear, but if you’re opening up to someone you don’t trust, you could get yourself into trouble. Make sure the person you’re speaking to is someone you trust – and someone who cares about you! 

 

4. Be Caring

 

There’s nothing good about a conversation that spirals into a heated discussion or anger-fueled debate. Be caring and empathetic with your words. Remember that at the end of the day, the person you’re communicating with is a human just like you. They deserve the respect you’d like to be treated with. The golden rule may seem outdated, but it should always be in the back of your mind – especially when you’re opening up in a feely discussion. 

 

5. Be Independent

 

It seems counterintuitive to think about being independent when you’re opening up to someone, but it’s a big component of a healthy discussion. Despite your relationship with this person, you are you. You need to be responsible for your feelings and actions, and you need to understand that no one is responsible for making you feel a certain way other than yourself. 

5 Steps to Effectively Communicate Your Feelings in Relationships

In relationships, there’s communication, and then there’s effective communication. Communication is something that takes a lot of work, and once you’ve successfully positioned yourself as a communicator, the next step is to crack the code at being an effective communicator. If you’re at that step, try these 5 mini steps to help you along with effectively communicating your feelings. 

 

1. Allow Yourself to Feel 

 

Going into a conversation with guilt or apprehension about your feelings? That won’t help you or your partner. You’re completely allowed to feel whatever you’re feeling, and you’re also allowed to talk about those feelings. 

 

2. Label your Feelings

 

You’re experiencing these feelings, but are you reading more into them? Are you labeling them and trying to put into context the essence of your emotions? It’s not easy to do, but it’s a really important exercise for you to do on your own before opening up and sharing with someone else. 

 

3. Start with Yourself

 

If you’re extroverted or you like talking about your feelings a lot, your first inclination may be to talk it out with your significant other. That’s a great thing to do, but it begins with you. You’ll have a hard time processing everything if you’re influenced by someone else’s insight or advice. Start with yourself, and then work your way up to a discussion with your partner. 

 

4. Remember How Much You Matter

 

You matter to your significant other; your feelings matter to your significant other. Keep this in mind and try to negate the potential fear or hesitation you may be experiencing. Swap those feelings for feelings of confidence and security in the strength of your relationship. 

 

5. Swap “You” for “I”

 

Whenever you get close to saying “You made me feel” or “You did this,” swap it for a personal statement. A conversation is helpful for you to share your perspective – not for you to point fingers at your loved one. Think about how you feel, why you feel that way, and what has happened to contribute to those feelings. 

 

Above all, when you’re entering into a conversation with your significant other, be happy that you’re taking this step. It’s excellent for you and even better for your relationship. Give yourself (and your partner) a pat on the back for working through something difficult, and keep yourself reminded of the light at the end of the communication tunnel – a happy, healthy dynamic between you and your partner. 

 

The 2/1 Communication Secret to Become More Charming

Charming is a word that has different meanings for different people. The word charisma is often brought to mind. When you think of someone as charming, you may feel that person is desirable and delightful, pleasant and appealing, maybe even magnetizing. 

 

Often times you won't be able to put your finger on exactly what draws you to that person. You just know you feel pleasant in their company and enjoy being around them.

 

Do you want to be more like that? Could you advance your career if you learned how to turn on the charm when dealing with others? It's an important skill that socially graceful people use to improve their relationships. Even when interacting with people they don't necessarily like or respect, a charming person can leave a good impression.

 

If you'd like to communicate more effectively and have people refer to you as charming and likable, there's one very simple thing you need to start doing. By the way, this doesn't take much practice. You are already physically hardwired to give off a more friendly, charming, and engaging vibe.

 

You just have to do a little basic math.

 

How Many Ears Do You Have? How Many Mouths?

 

Don't worry. You don't have to break out the calculator here. Just perform a simple math-based assumption.

 

You have 2 ears that are always open.

You only have 1 mouth, and it can be closed.

 

That should tell you what you were created to do more often. You should be listening much more than talking. The charming person is an excellent listener. 

 

She doesn't do it falsely. She asks many questions and uses facial expressions to show she's interested in the person talking. She listens deeply and can repeat things that have been told to her. Those are charming qualities.

 

As writer Eugene O'Neill stated ...

 

"We were given mouths that close and ears that don't ... that should tell us something."

 

Ancient philosopher Epictetus gave us the same lesson for being more charming.

 

"We have two ears and one mouth, so we can listen twice as much as we speak."

 

Being Charming Is All About Listening

 

Talking is an important part of being charming. You have to say the right things. You should also be genuine. People can tell when you're false and trying to manipulate them. So really care about the person you're talking to. Say pleasant things and think about the experience for the other person rather than yourself.

 

Then listen deeply. Get into the conversation, so when you decide to talk, you repeat things the person has said. You let them know you're truly listening and getting into the feelings and emotions being relayed. You were given two ears and only one mouth, and that mouth can close. So do at least two times more listening than talking if you want to be more charming and engaging.

 

7 Tips for Restoring Your Self-Worth After a Toxic Relationship

Well, that didn’t go right.

 

We walk into a relationship with so much enthusiasm. We think what we’ve found is the best thing in the world, which is a heady feeling for while it lasts. Sadly, when a relationship is toxic, we’re frequently the last to know. By the time we escape, our self-worth has already taken a hefty blow. 

 

So, how do you restore positive feelings about yourself after a toxic relationship?

 

Release Your Victimhood

 

The more you focus on what happened, the more you get stuck, so the sooner you can quit revisiting the past and dwelling on perceptions of ill treatment, the sooner you’re going to put all this behind you. This doesn’t mean to say this was your fault, but obsessing about the ‘shoulds’ and going back over every encounter is only going to hurt you regardless of whether you were in the right or not.

 

Drop the Blame

 

Was it your fault? Not. The sooner you can let go of any residual guilt or bad feelings about the relationship, the happier you’ll be. The next step should help.

 

Silence Their Voice 

 

The problem with toxic relationships is you tend to believe what the other person said about you, no matter how outlandish it seemed at the time. Now their voice is there, lurking in your head to remind you of all your so-called shortcomings at every opportunity—time to tell them to shut up once and for all.

 

Embrace the New You

 

Find joy in being single. Spoil yourself. Do that thing you always wanted to do. Take lessons, build your skill set as you build yourself up. Become your own best friend in a way that doesn’t require validation from any outside source.

 

Believe Your Friends 

 

You hear the compliments, but they’re going in one ear and out the other. Rather than brush off the nice things, people around you are saying, start listening. Listening until these words become a part of who you are.

 

Create Goals You Love

 

What would you like to do with your life? Too often, our goals reflect the needs and desires around us. Now is the time to reverse this. Accepting you are capable, and your goals are worth fighting for, what do YOU want to do? 

 

Affirmations

 

Work through the worst offenders of negative self-talk through positive affirmations. Take note of what you’re telling yourself. Rewrite the script and turn these statements around into affirmations that you read to yourself every day.

 

Remember, this is a process and is likely to take time. By reminding yourself of just how amazing you are, and focusing hard on these steps, eventually, you will start feeling the difference even if you don’t see it yet. Hang in there!

 

The 7 Keys for Improving Relationships

 

Human life is full of moments with people. These are people we build relationships with. And relationships aren’t just confined to people who are actually related to us—we can have a relationship with anyone we interact with. And it is because of this ubiquitous nature of human relationships that we constantly strive to improve them. In fact, when we are improving our relationships with people, we are actually improving ourselves. If we are looking for personal development, this is one of the most concrete ways to go about it.

 

Whatever the type of relationship may be, however simple or however complex, its enhancement basically boils down to the following simple keys.

 

Commitment

 

For your relationship to blossom, commitment is an important prerequisite. You have to commit to the other person in terms of your thoughts, your words, your expressions and you have to show it to them by investing time in them and putting in the right efforts to grow your relationship.

 

Freedom

 

You shouldn’t bind the people you are in a relationship with. Just as you want your freedom, the other person wants their freedom too. Respect that and you will find the relationship going forward.

 

Respect

 

You need to respect the other person’s feelings and emotions, likes and dislikes, wants and desires and so on. Respect them for what they are, for what they stand for and do not expect them to change for you.

 

Support

 

Being in a relationship means supporting each other. You have to help them in their aspirations and in their joys and sorrows. This will only get back to you—if you support the person you have a relationship with, they are going to support you too.

 

Equality

 

No one is higher than the other when they have a relationship. At least, you shouldn’t harbor such feelings in your mind. If you are connected with a person for some reason, then you need to think of them as equal to you. You need them just as much as they need you.

 

Resolving Conflicts

 

It is not that everything will be hunky-dory always in your relationship. There will be conflicts. You will argue; you will have alterations. But, when you are fostering a relationship with someone, it is essential that you resolve all these conflicts with them in a constructive manner, without demeaning each other and through fruitful discussion.

 

Trust

 

If you want the people you are in a relationship with to trust you, then you need to trust them first. Trust is the foundation on which a relationship is built.

 

Top 5 Relationship Killers that You Must Avoid

 

Relationships are made and broken all around us. At such times, we become apprehensive about our own relationships. We try to protect what we cherish the most. We try to look at ways and means how we can keep our relationship flame burning. However, at the same time, we don’t realize that there are things we may do that can destroy a beautiful relationship. Actually speaking, it is these things—which are mostly behavioral traits—that we need to avoid.

 

Possessiveness

 

It is good to be a little possessive about your partner, but if you are too possessive, then it can only backfire. You shouldn’t, for example, hog all of their free time. You shouldn’t be jealous of the other people they move around with. Give them their life to live; if you are confident about them, you will always remain the most important person in their life.

 

Restrictions

 

Too often, in a relationship, we tend to make people act in the way we want them to act. We tell them to avoid doing certain things they like and do certain things they detest. This is restrictive behavior. If you put yourself in their place, you will find that this kind of behavior can be stifling. A time may come when your partner eventually snaps and walks out.

 

Asking for Change

 

You need to realize that your partner is a different person. They have been brought up in a different way from you and they have a personality that is different from yours. You shouldn’t want them to become like you; it is best if they remain the person they were when you first decided to have a relationship with them. Even if your partner is willing to change, it will be unacceptable to them as well as you.

 

Complacency

 

When you are in a relationship, you have certain obligations. You need to do a few special things keeping your partner in mind. It is not just about remembering their birthday and showering them with gifts, but you also have to give them a good ear when they want it, a shoulder to cry on when they are looking for one and a motivational word when they need it. You cannot let your relationship grow all by itself; it won’t.

 

Competition

 

Even within the staunchest of relationships, there is always an element of skepticism. You shouldn’t do anything to aggravate that feeling. For example, it is best not to be too friendly to other people if your partner is feeling threatened by them. Casual banter is all right, but you need to draw the line with your other people when you are in a relationship with someone.

6 Tips To Make Fear Your Friend

What makes you afraid? Is it losing someone you love? Or is it having to see your dentist? Maybe you fear thunderstorms or heights or elevators.

 

Whatever it is, fear is normal. It’s how our body warns us of dangerous situations and that we should be careful.

 

Yet, sometimes, our fears can become so great that they hold us back from living up to our full potential. They fill us with dread and uncertainty that we soon become constantly stressed and anxious over the smallest things.

 

Although surprisingly, fear, in its positive form, can actually be good for us. It can inspire innovative ideas and motivate us to reach new heights.

 

So, we’re here today to help you make fear your friend. Follow the six tips below, and you’ll know how to turn what was once your foe into an ally.

 

Let’s get started.

 

Identify the Source

 

This is probably the hardest step, but it’s absolutely worth it. But first, you need to come to terms with the source of your fear in order to overcome it.

 

Being aware of the root cause will be difficult in the beginning, but it’ll make you stronger. You’ll no longer live in the shadow of that big, insurmountable fear.

 

Embrace It

 

You’ve come face-to-face with your fear. Now, it’s time to embrace it.

 

But before you do that, you have to actually admit that such-and-such scares you. There are several ways to do this. First, you can either say it aloud, preferably to someone else in a natural setting.

 

You can also write it down in a journal or diary. The point is to get it out of your head and into real life. That’s when your fear loses its control over you.

 

It also feels better to get it off your chest and share it with the world. You’ll be surprised to know just how many people are just as afraid as you are.

 

Think Rationally

 

Fear makes us panic, and panic makes us do stupid things. In fact, studies show that when we panic, our prefrontal cortex shuts down. This is the region of our brain responsible for rational thinking.

 

So, case in point, learn how to think rationally despite your worries and panic. Make fear your friend, and you’ll be able to go a lot farther in life.

 

Take Stock

 

People deal with fear, stress, and anxiety in different ways. Some people like to be challenged and are great under pressure. Others find it better to work at their own pace without any tight deadlines looming overhead.

 

Whichever way you prefer, the important thing is not to let fear get the better of you. For example, say you’re afraid to speak in public. But then a colleague suddenly got sick and asked you to take over the presentation you’ve been preparing for weeks.

 

In this scenario, you have to pick whether you’ll let your fear overpower you or whether you’ll rise to the challenge.

 

The latter won’t be easy, but it’ll definitely be worth it in the long run. Be objective and tell yourself that others have held presentations before and have lived to tell about it. So, what’s the big deal?

 

Remember, your mind tends to blow things out of proportion. So, find a way to deal with the stress and take stock. It’s the only way you’ll be able to harness your fear and get the job done.

 

Find Support

 

No one ever failed by having a strong support system. Surround yourself with people who encourage you to do better. These are the people who listen to you when you’re venting about your fears and anxiety, and they still choose to love you unconditionally.

 

A lot of research has been carried out on the benefits of having a support system. It empowers you with good coping skills while boosting your self-esteem and overall well-being.

 

Moreover, a sound support system can lower stress, anxiety, and depression rates. 

 

Be Positive

 

Whenever you’re afraid, you’ll tend to focus on negative thoughts and emotions. But then, they fester in your mind and transform into this big, ugly thing that you can no longer control.

 

Why not try some positivity for a change? Remember, the mind is quite powerful; it just needs a small push in the right direction.

 

By thinking positively, you can overcome your fears and actually live to tell the tale! All you have to do is believe it, and everything else will fall into place.

 

3 Ways Understanding Brain Science Builds an Inner Calm

What if someone told you that you could control your brain? Well, the good news is you can. All you need is some practice and a little bit of knowledge. Brain science isn’t rocket science (see what we did there?). It’s a skill that can be learned with time, practice, and patience. Ready to learn how to be calm under pressure? Let’s go! 

 

1. Understand “Fight or Flight”

 

You can thank your elementary school teachers for beating this one into your head. If you need a little recap, “fight or flight” describes how the body reacts in stressful situations. To put it simply, you either decide to flee the scene (flight) or take action (fight). On a fundamental level, this explains why you react a certain way in order to survive. However, “fight or flight” is irrelevant in a lot of scenarios in our modern world. Yet, our brain senses danger when we experience things outside of what is “normal.” If you feel your body tensing up, for example, that’s a byproduct of “fight or flight.” The next time you think you’re experiencing this, ask yourself, “Is this really life or death? Or should I calm down and realize it will be okay?” 

 

2. Call out your Emotions 

 

Detaching from your emotions is prescribed by many meditation experts and leaders who have mastered the art of staying calm. We’re humans, so we’re inevitably going to experience the whole gamut of feelings. That being said, we can choose to observe them rather than attach to them. That means when you feel a surge of anger, call it out. Say, “That’s anger I’m experiencing because of XYZ. I know that this will pass, but I acknowledge that my feelings are valid.” Be sure to validate your feelings rather than dismiss them. Your emotions are real, and it is okay that you’re feeling them! 

 

3. Breathe

 

Sometimes, all you need to do is breathe. Connect to your breath. Count your breaths. Be grateful that you’re breathing. There are many ways to experience the delight of breathing, so take some time to figure out which approach works best for you. The important thing is that you’re doing it. As we mentioned with “fight or flight,” the body reacts to stress and adverse events. We may choke up, forget to breathe, or breathe super heavily. All of those things impact our mind, so try to instill a sense of calm in your body first. 

5 Creative Ways to Calm a Chaotic Mind

Do you ever feel like you can’t escape your mind? Maybe it’s always spinning out of control, or perhaps you have a lot of thoughts. A lot of people experience chaos in their own minds, and this can make things difficult when you’re trying to work toward your goals. The next time your mind is filled with confusion, try one of these five creative ways to alleviate the stress. 

 

1. Keep it Busy 

 

There’s a delicate balance between keeping your mind busy without overcrowding it. It’s one thing to occupy your mind so it doesn’t wander, but it’s a whole different ball game when you start stressing out about endless to-do lists and information overload. Try to write 3-5 things you want to accomplish every day — and be sure to add at least one thing that is purely for fun. This will keep your mind busy without getting you too stressed. 

 

2. Help Others 

 

When was the last time you extended a helping hand to someone who needs it? Our brains tend to calm down when we’re in “helper mode” because the focus is on others rather than our own problems or stresses. 

 

3. Pick up a Creative Hobby 

 

We all have a creative side, whether it’s deep down or you’re continually flexing your creative muscles. Picking up a creative hobby gives your brain a nice, healthy break from the usual grind. Plus, it allows you to expand your intelligence with new forms of thinking. Win-win! 

 

4. Care for your Physical Being 

 

The mind and bodywork hand in hand a lot, so if you aren’t caring for your physical being, you may notice some stress going on in your head. Take time to care for your body — work out more, take a walk, draw a bath, or snooze your alarm clock. There are lots of ways to reenergize your body so that you can take on more in your mind! 

 

5. Connect with Others 

 

Helping others and connecting with other people are two totally different things, but both are essential aspects of cultivating an active, healthy mind. As humans, we need socialization. We thrive when we are part of a tribe. We crave human interaction time, so get out there and get social! Every laugh and bit of chatter will feed your mind in countless ways. Call a friend and have lunch in the park. It doesn’t have to be a big production, since the goal is simple human connection.