Should You Keep Your Dreams to Yourself?

In 2010, Derek Sivers participated in a TED Conference. His speech lasted just three minutes and in it, he encouraged people to not share their goals with their friends, family, co-workers, or anyone around them. Derek backed up his reasoning with several scientific studies (listen to his presentation here).

 

In his speech, Derek says, “When you tell someone your goal and they acknowledge it, psychologists have found that’s called a social reality. The mind is kind of tricked into feeling it’s already done. Then because you’ve felt that satisfaction, you’re less motivated to do the actual hard work necessary.”

 

Derek goes on to point out how talking about an important life change or goal can make you less likely to succeed. But those aren’t the only reasons you may want to keep your latest ambition a secret from everyone else. Here are three more reasons you should consider keeping mum:

 

Talking about a Goal Destroys Your Stamina

 

How many times have you told someone else you were going to do something hard? Maybe you told a co-worker that you’re planning on losing 50 pounds. Perhaps you told a family member that you were going to get out of debt this year. 

 

You may think doing this pumps you up and makes you more likely to accomplish your goals. But talking about doing something hard can actually drain your energy. You start to come up with all the reasons you won’t achieve it. You might tell yourself, “Well, I just can’t say ‘no’ to sugar. I don’t mind debt that much and I don’t want to change my standard of living.”

 

Sharing a Goal Can Discourage You

 

You’re really going to do it. This will be the year that you quit the factory job you hate so much and start your work at home business. Then you make the mistake of sharing a goal with someone else. 

 

The problem is the other person is negative and quickly points out all of the reasons you’re bound to fail. They may say unsupportive things like, “You don’t have a degree. You don’t have the time. Where are you going to get the money?” 

 

Within a few minutes, you start feeling discouraged. You’d felt so energized and were determined to act on your motivation earlier. But now, you’re filled with self-doubt and negativity.

 

Telling Others about Your Goal Can Damage Your Reputation

 

You’re always the one in your circle of friends with the big dreams. You love sharing your visions and ideas with other people. After all, your new goal is going to work out spectacularly.

 

The only problem is your goals change frequently.  You’re always pursuing something new and you rarely see a goal through to completion. While being a dreamer has its advantages, if you don’t pair your goals with follow-through, you can end up damaging your reputation. People will describe you as flaky and no one will trust your word.

 

Before you tell a friend or family member about your next goal, consider carefully if you should do that. You may accomplish this dream and become more successful if you keep it to yourself rather than sharing it with someone else.  

 

What’s the Dream You’re Afraid to Share?

You have a dream in your heart. It’s the one that’s so precious, so fragile, and so important to you that you don’t share it with others. You hold it close, in the hopes that by protecting it, you’ll one day get the chance to live it. 

 

That’s what Maddie did. She’d dreamed of being a writer since she was a kid. She wanted to write books and see them sold at bookstores around the world. She never shared the dream with anyone and by the time she graduated high school, she decided she needed a practical career.

 

So, she went to college for years and got a degree. Then she began a career as a dentist. She enjoyed getting to help her patients but she still went home every night, feeling unfulfilled. She daydreamed in the quiet moments about the books she’d write.

 

Why Does This Dream Scare You?

 

Are you like Maddie? Do you have a dream that you’ve managed to quiet over the years? Maybe you’ve told yourself that you’ll write that book when the kids are grown. Maybe you’ve decided that you’ll have time to travel when you retire. Maybe you’ve said that one day you’ll go back to school and pursue that career dream, just as soon as you have enough money.

 

But stop and think. Ask yourself what you’re really afraid of. What makes you so frightened of going after the dream? Are you afraid of what people will say? Do you worry that your spouse won’t be supportive? Are you concerned about being shunned by others in your community?

 

How Will It Change Your Life?

 

Sometimes, we fear fulfilling our dreams because it means change. Even good changes – like finally working in a career that makes you happy or making room in your life to travel as often as you want – can feel scary. 

 

Before you can go after that dream, you need to ponder how your life will change. You need to imagine the day you’ll leave your job. You should visualize the moment you step on the stage and receive the diploma you’ve always wanted. You need to close your eyes and create the life of your dreams in your mind.

 

Are You Ready to Pursue It?

 

There is a chasm between the life of your dreams and your life now. The space in between the two will be filled with hard work, bitter tears, crippling setbacks, and intense pain. But if you’re willing to persevere, you’ll find the life you want is on the other side.

 

Maddie followed after her dream of becoming an author. She started writing books. She took writing classes. She networked with other authors. She began submitting her work to publishing houses and got feedback that helped her improve her work even more. She hasn’t sold a book yet, but she’s close. 

 

It takes courage to pursue your dreams and it’s tough. But it’s not nearly as hard as sitting on the sidelines of your own life, hoping that one day you get a chance to live out your deepest longings.

Are You Journaling Your Dream?

You’ve decided to get serious about your dream. But the dream is big and you feel overwhelmed. You’re not sure where to start or how to breathe life into it. You only know you want it so badly that you can taste it.

 

You’re first step could be journaling your dream. Find or buy a journal. Pick one that fits your personality and inspires you to fill each page. Some people like buying fancy leather bound journals while others prefer notebooks from a discount store. It doesn’t matter what your journal looks like or what material it’s made from, it only matters that you love it.

 

Capturing the Journey

 

If you’re not sure how to begin your journal, begin by writing about your dream. Talk about when you first remember becoming aware of the dream. Did you know you wanted to write books when you stepped into the library as a little kid? Did you know you were meant to be on stage when you participated in the theater club in high school? Did you only just discover your dream? Write about it!

 

It’s important that you remember this journal is for your eyes only. You don’t have to worry about perfect spelling and grammar. You’re not going to be graded on your sentence structure or expected to use the right punctuation. You’re free to let everything out in this space.

 

Praying for the Dream You Desire

 

Some people use journaling as a way of connecting with God and praying over their dreams. For example, one woman would start her journal entries with the words: “Dear Heavenly Father…”. She viewed each entry as a love letter to God and found it helpful to share her dream journey with Him.

 

Another woman used her journal to draw images that depicted her life. If she had a bad day and experienced a setback, she would sketch her frustrations and pain. When she had a good day, she would depict her feelings in the forms of cartoons. 

 

Speaking Your Dream into Existence

 

After you’ve dreamed or doodled your goals in your journal, it can be helpful to brainstorm your mantra. You can then repeat these mantras when you’re working on your goal and when you’re tempted to give up and let your dream die.

 

For example, Lesley’s dream was to become a public speaker despite the fact that she suffers from social anxiety. She wanted to spend her time motivating teenagers who felt like everyone had given up on them. 

 

As she began looking for speaking opportunities, she would repeat to herself, “I believe in myself and in my dreams. The world is filled with hurting teenagers who need to hear my message.” 

 

When it comes to your journal, there are no rules. If you want to doodle or draw all over it, do it. If you want to fill it with letters to God or the universe, do it. If you want to write your mantra down a hundred times a day, do it. Remember, this is your safe space where you’re free to dream. 

Using Challenges to Develop More Discipline

One way you can develop more discipline is to use challenges. This makes it more like a game and less like a chore. Also, there can be the element of competition with others and having others help hold you accountable which improves your odds of success. 

 

Challenges are very popular and you can find them in many places. Or you can make up your own and share it with a group of people. You also can make your own challenge or use one from someone else to just challenge yourself. However, you end up doing it is up to you. 

 

When looking to see if a challenge will be useful to you, there are some factors to look for, so you can best benefit. Is the challenge realistic? You want to stretch yourself, but not to the point where you have no chance of success. For example, you could challenge yourself to lose 30 pounds in 30 days, but that is not very realistic. You also want the challenge to not be too easy. You need to see if you have the time to devote to it. Be sure to include time for learning new things, For example, if you challenge yourself to build a new blogging website in 30 days, remember that if you have never done one before, you will have to learn some things and that will be extra time above just writing the blog posts.

 

If the challenge is a large one over a longer period of time, are there clear-cut milestones along the way to help you have a sense of accomplishment? If your challenge, for example, is losing 60 pounds in a year, you need to set up smaller weight goals along the way so you can keep up the momentum. Milestones also help you see if you need to tweak the challenge, either lower or higher. If you lose 10 pounds in about 2 months, you are right on schedule, If you have only lost 5 pounds in that same time period, though, you may need to lower the amount you plan on losing in a year. Now if you lose 15 pounds in 2 months, you may want to raise the amount you plan on losing in a year, or cut the time down to say 10 months. 

 

When you do a group challenge, you have some added benefits. There is a sense of camaraderie when working together on a goal that you do not get just competing with yourself. Other people can give you ideas, too. For example if you are in a group losing weight, people can share healthy recipes and support. Just remember that the primary person you are in competition with is not the others, but yourself and you can really enjoy doing a group challenge. 

 

5 Steps to Challenging the Status Quo to Live a More Fulfilled Life

An article recently stated this: to feel fulfilled, you need to experience three things.

• You must be doing something which challenges you.

• You must feel interested in the things you do.

• There needs to be some reward for doing these things.

 

The problem with most people is they don't experience all three of these at the same time. When you get stuck in the status quo, you frequently are no longer being challenged. Things might be somewhat interesting, but they're not exciting. Even if there is a reward in the form of a paycheck or a stable relationship, losing the other two items do not make up for this.

 

It's time to challenge the status quo. How? Follow these five steps.

 

Quit Doing What Everyone Else Is

 

Sure, everyone else might be happy and doing a certain thing, but this doesn't mean you are. People have all kinds of jobs. They're involved in all kinds of activities. Not all of these are right for you. By focusing less on what everyone does and more on what you want, you will feel much happier. 

 

Stand Out More

 

Seriously, are you happy playing it safe? Or would you instead take a chance on being seen for who you are, in all of your magnificent, eccentric glory? The beautiful thing about letting go of the idea of fitting in is you no longer are stuck as a follower. It's a lot more fun being the trendsetter anyway.

 

Quit Thinking You Can Buy Your Way to Happiness

 

When we're not happy, we start burying ourselves in stuff, thinking this will somehow make up for it. The harsh truth? All the new TVs, fancy cars, and exotic vacations in the world are never going to make you feel any more fulfilled. Doing what you hate to get ahead is always going to be a soul-suck.

 

Start Trusting Yourself More

 

You don't need everyone else to tell you what to do. You already have pretty solid instincts. Do what feels right to you. Honor your moral code. You'll find you're a lot happier for it.

 

Take More Chances

 

Playing it safe is one of the most significant ways we lock ourselves into the status quo. Unfortunately, this is how you also ever keep from bettering yourself. If you want your life to change, you're going to have to take a chance on doing something different. 

 

Together these five items become a powerful force of change. Dedicate yourself to living life outside the lines. Explore your dreams and embrace the person you are inside. Find challenge and passion, and you've got a fulfilling life.

 

As for the rest? Remember the adage: Do what you love, and the money will follow. You've got this!

6 Strategies to Challenge Your Inner Critic’s Voice

It’s time you cultivated an attitude. 

 

Look, life can be hard sometimes. The last thing you need is your Inner Critic taking the wheel, getting on your case about every last little thing you’re trying to do. Why are you listening to someone who doesn’t have your best interest at heart? No, it’s time to challenge your Inner Critic and silence their voice once and for all. 

 

How? Try these tried-and-true strategies:

 

Start Noticing

 

Inner Critics like to whisper, never to speak out loud. The last thing they want is to be noticed in their nefarious schemes. By paying attention to what’s going on in your head, you draw their lies out into the light where they cannot stand. 

 

Give it a Nickname

 

Whenever the Inner Critic speaks up, give it a silly name. Think to yourself things like “Hey, it’s Moldyvort, back again to cause trouble.” By making fun of this voice, it’s a whole lot harder to take seriously.

 

What about a Voice?

 

Do you hear some pretty negative things? Try saying them out loud. By giving voice to these thoughts, you’ll hear just how ridiculous they sound. 

 

Take a Negativity Break

 

Tell your Inner Critic they can only come out to play at a particular time each day. During that time, take a break and tell the Inner Critic to do their worst. Be sure to set a timer for the space allotted, so you don’t give more time to the negativity than necessary. Sit back and let it speak its piece. The funny thing? Most of the time, you won’t even remember what it was the Critic had to say by the time your negativity break rolls around. Even if you do, when the timer goes off, remind yourself you’re done and walk away. 

 

Question Everything

 

Is there any truth to what your Inner Critic is saying? Examine the statements. Feel free to argue back. Point out the flaws in the reasoning and back it up with examples of times when you’ve proven those things aren’t true.

 

Replace the Words

 

Finally, drop the negative words entirely and rewrite the script to turn each negative into a positive. For example, saying, “I’m terrible at writing reports” can become “I did a great job on the last report I wrote. I bet this one will be fine too.”

 

Remember, silencing an Inner Critic is going to take time and energy. This kind of voice doesn’t just shut up because you told them to go away once. No, you’re going to have to do the work, using these strategies until you’re finally free of the nasty little voice.

 

Once you’ve got it, though? Your world will change enormously in some pretty great ways. After all, without your critic to hold you back, you’re primed for success in a huge way.

The Art Of Patience

The Dictionary defines patience as, “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. “

 

Patience is a skill that many of us could learn how to master better. We may get short with our kids, have some road rage, or struggle with other issues that make us stamp our feet or get frustrated over the little things. Learning the art of patience can facilitate more success, healthier relationships with others and yourself, improve wellbeing and much more. 

 

What is Patience?

 

"One minute of patience, ten years of peace" - Greek Proverb 

 

First, we need to take a closer look at patience and what it means. Patience is a state that occurs between an experience that you have and your reaction. Whether you want to be patient with yourself, with those around you, or with life, patience always seems to be how you deal with obstacles or delays in life. 

 

Those with patience will find that they can let go of some of the things that occur to them that are outside their control. This can be hard for some people to do. But when you are successful, it can help you to live a happier life because you have less frustration, anxiety, and stress. 

 

What are the Benefits of Patience?

 

Several benefits come with having more patience during our lives according to Medium.com. Some of these benefits include:

 

• You avoid health issues: Having patience can put us at a lower risk of heart conditions, anxiety, and depression. The reason for this is that we feel less stressed when we are more patient. 

• You make better decisions: You won’t rush into something because you are worried about it taking too long. You can slow down and make a smart decision. 

• It is easier to be happy: Patience allows us to feel happier. When we have less stress and anxiety, we can feel more tranquil and better overall. 

• You find life is easier: Your journey in life is easier if you can reduce the stress and just be patient in life. 

 

Everyone can work on their patience, bringing in more and helping them feel less stressed and happier. Finding the right tips to add to your life to have more patience is the key to making that happen. 

 

How to Become More Patient

 

Now it is time to look at some of the steps that you need to take to be more patient in your daily life. Some of the best steps to help with this include:

 

• Be mindful of your thoughts: While a situation can make you frustrated, you get to determine how you react to it. You can secure your thought before it becomes an action and turn it into something more peaceful too. 

• Figure out what makes you impatient: You need to learn more about your triggers and what makes you impatient overall. When you learn what these triggers are, you will be able to avoid them or find methods better deal with those things. 

• Show gratitude: When you show more gratitude in your daily life, you will be happier and won’t have impatience take over your life any longer. 

• Set short-term goals: Setting goals and celebrating your achievements will give you something amazing to look forward to and can help out. 

• Make yourself wait: When you make yourself wait and think through something, you will find that it is easier for you to learn patience too. This can be hard but is still very good for helping you slow down. 

 

Being patient is a skill that takes time. While it would be nice to wake up one day and have a ton of patience, this is not always possible. By following some of the tips above, you can add more patience to your life, along with more happiness. 

 

5 Powerhouse Tips for Using Positive Affirmations

You’ve probably heard that affirmations can help you be more motivated and successful in meeting your goals. But did you know that there are some ways you can supercharge your affirmations to make them even more powerful, even transformative? 

 

Say you want to lose weight and get fit. If your affirmation is “I will lose weight and go to the gym every day,” how does that make you feel? There’s a heaviness in the energy of that statement that’s not very motivating. It focuses on the negative aspects of your goal (the need to lose weight and the obligation to go to the gym) and pushes the goal out into an indefinite future. 

 

You can use these five steps to turn your affirmations around and make them high energy and motivating. 

 

1. Make your affirmations active

 

Using active verbs keeps the energy upbeat and your focus in the present moment. So now your affirmation starts “I am [positive verb] …”

 

2. Include Positive Emotions

 

Think of how you want to feel when you reach your goal. Are you happy? Proud of yourself? Relaxed? Grateful? Make sure your affirmation makes you feel good when you say it out loud. 

 

3. Keep it Short

 

Make your affirmations brief and memorable. Concise, focused statements are easier to remember. 

 

4. Stay in the Present

 

Your affirmation should always be in the present tense. Make sure you use “I am” rather than “I will” statements. 

 

5. Keep it Positive

 

Focus on what you want, not what you don’t want. Think of the positive result you want to achieve. 

 

6. Switch up Your Affirmations

 

Have a look at your current affirmations and see if they are working as well as they could be. In the example above, you could refurbish it into something genuinely motivational. 

 

Instead of “I will lose weight and go to the gym every day,” let’s make it something that will make you feel good. 

 

“I am enjoying getting slimmer and fitter every day.”

 

“I am feeling stronger and healthier by choosing a healthier lifestyle.” 

 

“I am joyfully and easily helping my body to get stronger and slimmer every day.”

 

Play around with the words until they feel right for you. Just keep your affirmation in the present, focused on what you want and what feels good. 

 

Repeat your affirmations at least three times a day and look forward to manifesting the life you want. 

 

What are Positive Affirmations?

You’ve probably seen positive affirmations across social media, posters, and cards. They’re all over Facebook and Instagram, and they can seem a little cheesy sometimes. But did you know that positive affirmations can actually be powerful tools for change? 

What are Affirmations? And How do They Work?

 

Simply put, affirmations are anything you say or think. They make up a large part of the mind-talk that everyone has running in their heads all the time. We all use affirmations, though we don’t do it consciously. This allows our default, negative thoughts to run our lives. 

 

Think about the messages that are part of your regular self-talk. Do you have kind, positive, encouraging self-talk, or does your Inner Critic dominate with harsh words of criticism? Many of your messages will have been seeded during your childhood. Were you encouraged and supported to give it your best shot, or were you told you were lazy, or no good? Those messages are still affecting your current mindset. 

 

Whether you have a positive or a negative script running through your mind, those thoughts and beliefs shape your reality. Negative thoughts feed self-doubt and discourage you from trying to reach your full potential. If you believe you’re no good at giving presentations, you’re not going to feel confident enough to give it your all. 

Change up Your Self-Talk

 

The good news is that you can change your self-talk by choosing to use positive affirmations to rewire your brain to have a positive mindset. 

 

The process is pretty straightforward if you stick to some basic rules: 

 

• Always use the present tense. Your brain reacts in the moment, so make that moment as positive as you can. 

• Keep it positive and simple. Saying short, positive phrases like ‘I am calm’ is much more effective than telling yourself, “I mustn’t get upset.’

• Use repetition. If you repeat your affirmations regularly and consistently, you will strengthen those neural pathways in the brain. Your habitual patterns of thought and belief will become more positive. Try to repeat your chosen affirmations three times a day for at least five minutes. 

Choose to Change your Life

 

You have the power to choose your life experience. Whatever you tell yourself affirms that you want to have more of it in your life. So, if you’re angry or resentful, you’re setting yourself up for more of that in your life. If you’re confident and hopeful, if you expect things to go well, then that’s precisely what will happen. 

 

You can choose to feel good and positive about your life. Using conscious affirmations is a great way to start making those positive changes today. 

5 Ways To Endure Difficult Times

No one’s life is easy–no one! It’s true that some people seem to have it easier than others. Yet, you can bet they’re suffering from one thing or another.

 

That’s why we should all try to refrain from imposing our personal views or jumping to conclusions. Instead, why not try to be more civil towards one another and show some empathy?

 

We could all use a bit more positivity in our day, don’t you think? Even the simple act of smiling as you pass someone by can brighten up their day. That’s how closely we’re all connected!

 

While we’re at it, we should mention that smiling is one of the best ways to endure difficult times. So, if you’re interested in finding out more ways to help you get through the tough times in your life, you’ve come to the right place!

 

Let’s get started.

 

Be Patient

 

Our brains are hardwired to protect against all foreign and domestic threats. So, they tend to stretch out adverse events in our lives to make you think it’s been happening for a long time.

 

Yet, the worst part is that you start believing that the bad times will never go on forever. You feel like there’s no end in sight, and you’re doomed to lead a tragic life.

 

Don’t believe it.

 

One of the constants in life is change. So, whatever you’re going through—good or bad—will end eventually.

 

There will be situations that will call on you to act and help bring the problem to an end. With others, on the other hand, you simply need to wait out the storm and have faith in yourself. 

 

Embrace Your Weaknesses

 

Each of us has our own individualized set of strengths and weaknesses, attributes and flaws. The problem is that when things get tough, we only focus on how weak and helpless we feel.

 

We lose sight of our strengths and trick ourselves into highlighting our flaws. This makes us feel like losers incapable of rising above any challenging situations.

 

The key to avoiding this pit of self-doubt is to never compare yourself with anyone else. Then, remind yourself of all your strengths.

 

You can even make a list of all the good things you’re good at and hang it up. Make sure you place it somewhere you pass by frequently. It’s a great trick that will help shift your perception from feeling weak and vulnerable to feeling empowered and confident.

 

Be Proud of How Far You’ve Come

 

You can’t have made it this far in life without having been in one or two bad situations before. So, whenever you need a bit of a boost during tough times, just remind yourself of similar situations you’ve endured in the past.

 

You probably either overcame the situation or didn’t. Either way, you came out having learned something and gained life experience.

 

It’s a great confidence booster to remember how well you managed to navigate difficult times and handle challenges with ease. It’ll also help shift your attitude from a sense of helplessness to feeling motivated to take action and do what needs to get done.

 

Practice Gratitude

 

We started the article by saying that everyone goes through hard times in their life. That’s a given. But the difference between those who land on their feet and those who live a life of gloom is gratitude.

 

No matter how difficult things might be right now, there will always be a dozen other things going well in your life.

 

Is your relationship on the rocks? Be happy that you have a steady job, have a roof over your head, and can put food on the table.

 

Are you having problems at work? Be thankful for your health, family, and friends.

Then, there are all the little things we tend to take for granted, like beautiful sunsets, relaxing walks in the park, and delicious coffee. Change your perspective, and you’ll realize that things aren’t really that bad after all.

 

Learn from Your Experiences

 

Life coaches, psychologists, and therapists all agree that there's no failure when it comes to personal development. There’s only your interpretation of the events and how you react to them.

 

Sounds simple enough, right? Yes! But as soon as you’re faced with a problem, all that wisdom flies out of the window.

 

This comes from years of being programmed that failure is a big flashing bulb telling us we’re not doing something right, causing us to steer off course. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth. In fact, everything we now do so well came from a trial-and-error process, like walking, typing, and driving.

 

What you should do is try to figure out why this is happening. Then, use this experience to learn more about likes and dislikes, weaknesses and strengths. Eventually, you’ll be able to turn things around.