4 Techniques for Handling Negative Emotion

We don’t always do the right thing. We eat too much. We stay out too late. We make mistakes, break promises, and live a life that isn’t always in keeping with our goals.

 

All of this leads to negative emotions: guilt, shame, even anger come creeping in to derail your attempts to get back on track. How can you handle these kinds of negative emotions without letting it ruin your day?

 

We start by looking at three ways you have used to handle it and then move on to one technique you should be using all the time.

 

Avoiding the Emotion

 

Don’t we love pretending we can make the emotions go away? We bury them, suppress them, explain them away, sometimes even turning to things like drugs or alcohol just to make them stop. The problem? Anytime you’re avoiding something because of negative emotions, you’re letting the emotion control you. The better solution? Give yourself room to understand it, and deal with the underlying cause. 

 

Pretending the Emotion is Not There

 

This coping mechanism is a little different. You fall into it by denying you ever felt the negative emotion in the first place. Here the problem is, the more you deny an emotion, the more it grows until it can’t be ignored any longer. Your solution, this time, is simple. Acknowledge the emotion. Accept it for what it is and let it fade on its own.

 

Becoming the Emotion

 

Sometimes the negative emotion is so powerful it becomes part of who you are. At some point, you might even start taking a certain amount of pride in it. You start saying, “Well, I’m just a mad person” or even bragging about how worse off you are than anyone else. Now you’ve become the emotion. The solution? Let the feelings process. Journal, talk to a friend, whatever you need to do, do, to let the emotion move on. Pro tip? Start encouraging positive emotions, allowing them to come in and replace the negative.

 

Learn

 

Learning the lessons of your emotions is perhaps the strongest technique of all. When you realize negative emotions are useful in your life and are there to teach you about yourself, doors start opening. You begin to see different possibilities. Feelings as educational tools have no power to control you at all, but conversely, have the power to change you in very positive ways. Like when you’re feeling angry about injustice, and you use this anger to create positive change in the world.

 

How to Deal With a Difficult Emotion Using Mindfulness

Mindfulness has a great many uses and is often prescribed by self-help gurus, doctors, writers and others as a tool anyone can use to improve their mental health.

 

Often these focusses on the long-term benefits of being more present and aware. At the same time though, mindfulness can also be used like a scalpel to deal with more acute problems. Here we will look at how it can be leveraged for instance to tackle specific emotions as they arise.

 

Turning Towards Emotions

 

Normally when we experience negative emotions, we react either by trying to ‘fight them’ or by trying to suppress them. This can be described as almost ‘turning away’ from our emotions to try and deny them their power over us.

 

Unfortunately, this ultimately tends to result in our becoming more stressed or upset as the emotions bubble under the surface, or as we frustrate ourselves in trying to fight them.

 

Instead, mindfulness teaches us to turn towards our emotions. What this means, is that you are going to listen to the thoughts and feelings you’re experiencing and then simply acknowledge them. Now you say ‘I am stressed’, ‘I am embarrassed’ or ‘I am upset’. Don’t be ashamed or upset that emotion exists but simply recognize that you are currently in that state.

 

People get upset sometimes. People get angry sometimes. But if you’re simply aware of your condition, then you can be aware that perhaps the thoughts you’re thinking aren’t completely objective. What’s more, you should keep hold of the knowledge that emotions aren’t permanent. In other words, you’re feeling angry right now and as such your thoughts shouldn’t be taken too seriously. But in a few hours, you will likely feel better and then the world will seem like a brighter place again.

 

This creates a subtle but powerful shift. No longer is the world a terrible place and thus you are upset, now you are upset and thus the world seems like a terrible place. The difference is that you now know that belief is not true.

 

Debriefing

 

What’s more, being aware and accepting of your emotions in this way will allow you to assess them in a kind of ‘debriefing’ and to look at what triggered them, how you dealt with them and what they made you think and do. The more you break down and intellectualize your emotions, the more you will find you gain control over them.

 

The Four Building Blocks of Every Emotion (and Why This is Important)

What are emotions, really? 

 

We know enough about emotions to be able to define them fairly well. We can talk about being 'happy' or 'sad' because we've understood these concepts since we were small. But truly understanding an emotion can seem complicated, especially when you're pushed to explain it.

 

Every emotion is made up of four parts. Let’s explore first what those parts are.

 

The Stimulus

 

For an emotion to happen, you need something which will inspire it. This can be anything at all. Generally, emotions come from outside sources, though they can also arise from your thoughts. You never know what might raise an emotion – a smell, a taste, a memory, a person, a place, or even an activity you're taking part in will inspire emotions. Even babies will be inspired to emotion through simple things like being hungry, uncomfortable, amused, or even by the smell or sound of their caregiver.

 

Your Awareness

 

A situation alone won't be enough to inspire emotion. At some point, your mind will become aware of the situation. This can be a conscious or even unconscious thing. We start paying attention, and this stimulus suddenly matters to us in a way the other things around us don't.

 

The Judgement

 

Are you okay with this stimulus? Your unconscious self already knows your likes and dislikes and is already steering you toward either a positive or negative emotional response. 

 

The Reaction

 

Your physical self is already figuring out the situation and is responding. For example, you might not have noticed the spider that just scuttled across your hand, but your eyes have widened significantly, and you might have felt a chill. This is followed very closely by the physical reaction (in this case, pulling your hand away) and possibly even a verbal expression (a scream, perhaps, if you're afraid of spiders).

 

Why is this important?

 

If you want to change your feelings, start with these building blocks. You'll always have a stimulus, and your awareness of things isn't always within your control. But how you feel about the stimulus can be reshaped. Go back to the spider example. If you don't want to be afraid of spiders, you might rehearse a different reaction, starting with a new judgment. You tell yourself spiders aren't scary and try not to react when you see one. Eventually, you won't feel the 'fear' anymore but might move to disinterest or even curiosity when you see a spider.

 

This takes time, but taking control of your emotions is invaluable. The key? Be consistent as you work on this change; soon, it will come naturally.

 

3 Unique Ways to Keep Your Mind Sharp

No matter what we do, we all have to reckon with Father Time eventually. 

 

You might already be feeling the effect of time. Maybe you don’t bounce back from a night out like you used to. Are you one of those people who let out some sort of grunt every time they get up from the couch? How is that hairline looking? 

 

If any of those sound familiar to you, then you already know that time comes for us all. 

 

Sadly, time also comes for our brain. It’s natural to get a little more forgetful or have more trouble focusing as you age. You don’t have to accept it graciously, though! If you follow these three unique tips, you will ensure that your mind stays sharp. 

 

Drink a Cup of Coffee

Now, this is the kind of tip that I can get behind! Starting your morning with a cup of coffee is not only a delicious way to wake up, but it can also increase your focus. Some studies have even shown that caffeine has an enhancing effect on long-term memory. 

 

Have a Laugh

 

This tip might even be more enjoyable than enjoying a nice coffee. Find a way to laugh a bit more. You will have to figure out what makes you laugh, but typically throwing on a funny movie or standup routine works. Other people might need more social interaction. A quick call to a close friend will usually include a few good belly laughs. 

Whichever way you get your kicks doesn’t matter, though. What does matter is the fact humor has been shown to improve student performance and decrease the stress hormone cortisol. This stress hormone can contribute to memory loss and other cognitive issues. A good laugh might help your memory! 

 

Pick Up Something Heavy

 

Ok, it might not be quite that simple, but at the end of the day, that is what strength training is. While all exercise is good for your health (brain and otherwise), resistance training is especially adept at boosting cognitive function.  

 

If you aren’t sure what strength training means, it is basically weightlifting. There are many programs for beginners, such as StrongLifts and Starting Strength, but working with a trainer to get the basics down is highly recommended. 

 

Keeping your mind sharp is not only important but also downright vital to a truly happy life. If you are bored with some of the traditional ways to keep your mind sharp, try one of the three suggestions above. You might have so much fun that you don’t even realize you are working to stay sharp! 

 

5 Different Ways to Practice Mindfulness

Want to become more mindful in your life but aren’t quite sure where to start? There are several different ways to practice mindfulness. Read on to find out more. 

 

1.    Meditate

 

The best way to increase mindfulness in your life is by setting aside time every day to meditate. Meditation creates a space for you to spend quality time with yourself! It allows you to evaluate both your emotions as well as your physical feelings. It can also help relieve stress and induce a calmer demeanor. If you want to become more mindful, you really must spend time in meditation each day.

 

2.    Spend Time Outside

 

Spending time outside in the fresh air can do wonders for your mentality. And the best part is, you don’t need any special training to implement this in your life. Start by going for a walk in a park near your house and paying attention to all the scenery around you.

 

3.    Start Your Day With A Purpose

 

Another way to practice mindfulness is by starting all of your days with a clear purpose. This can be done by waking up early and having a morning routine that lets you start the day relaxed and prepared. This morning routine can be meditating when you first wake up, completing breathing exercises, or even going for a nature walk before work.

 

4.    Watch What You Eat

 

Watching what you eat doesn’t necessarily mean you need to go on a diet. In this day and age, meals have become quick periods where you eat as fast as possible. Slow down, take each bite with purpose, notice all of the flavors you are consuming. And then pay attention after you finish eating to see how different foods affect your moods and health. You may be surprised by what you discover about your favorite foods. 

 

5.    Take Frequent Evaluation Pauses

 

Sometimes your life can be so hectic that you don’t spend any time on yourself. No matter what your schedule is like, now is the time to work in frequent pauses. These pauses don’t have to be long, just a few minutes to breathe deeply and evaluate how you feel and what you are thinking. You will find these mindful pauses will do wonders for stress relief.

 

Overall, leading a more mindful life isn’t that difficult. Simply start by trying one or a few of the items on this list, and you’ll be feeling more mindful in no time at all!

 

3 Ways to Supercharge Your Brain Power Through Exercise

You know exercise is good for your physical health, but did you know it’s also good for your brain? The latest neurological research has shown that there is a so-called ‘magic protein’ called Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor (BDNF) that has the power to supercharge your brain and improve your memory. And it is stimulated by cardiovascular exercise!

 

BDNF can rewire and build new neural pathways in the brain, especially in the crucial areas that control memory (the hippocampus) and analysis, thinking, and decision-making (the frontal lobes). Your frontal lobes are where most of the intellectual activity of the brain takes place, from processing the data that’s coming in all the time to problem-solving and making ethical decisions.  And you can keep these critical parts of your brain bathed in BDNF by merely increasing the amount of exercise in your daily routine. 

 

If you find it hard to commit to regular exercise, here are three ways you can make it easier and supercharge your brain at the same time. 

 

1.    Make it Fun

 

The key to maintaining an exercise regime is to choose an activity or activities that you enjoy. Not everyone likes going to the gym, but there are many other ways to increase your heart rate and get the BDNF pumping. 

 

Dancing, swimming, hiking out in nature, and bike riding will all get your heart rate up, and you’ll enjoy doing it. Even brisk walking will help. As a bonus, exercise will boost your endorphins, too, making you happier and more relaxed. 

 

2.    Schedule Your Exercise

 

It’s easier to stick to a regular exercise plan if you schedule time in your diary. Set aside time and increase your sessions until you’re exercising for thirty minutes, four or five times a week. Like any other habit, once you make it a priority, it will become just another part of your regular routine like brushing your teeth. 

 

3.    Make it Musical

 

Research has shown that music can increase motivation and happiness. Exercise will be much more fun if you’re bopping away to your favorite tunes. Even housework can become a brain-boosting dance routine when you’re vacuuming along to music that makes you smile. Turn up the volume and start cleaning to the beat!

 

Create a playlist of your favorite songs, and you will find that exercise is pleasurable and much easier to stick to when there’s upbeat music to encourage you!

 

7 Fast Fixes to Help You Unwind When Overwhelmed

Sometimes it feels as though everything in the world is coming at you at once. Between work, relationships, kids, and a dozen other responsibilities, it’s no wonder it feels like there’s never time to unwind. The problem? If you never give yourself a break, you very quickly become overwhelmed. 

 

Ask a Question

 

When something new comes at you, the first question to ask yourself is a simple one: is this my problem? This might instead be an opportunity to set a boundary. You'll find much of your tension unwinding every time you say 'No.'

 

Bring Nature Indoors

 

Numerous studies have shown just a hint of fresh greenery or natural elements can create a calmer atmosphere. Try adding a plant, a collection of seashells, or a small Zen Garden or Buddha board to your space. Make a point of focusing on these elements when you’re feeling stressed to help you unwind.

 

Grab a Tune

 

Find a song on your playlist that always leaves you feeling calm and peaceful. Play it when you need a quick moment to unwind.

 

Try a Pleasing Scent

 

Aromatherapy has a lot of science behind it. Some smells are especially conducive toward easing anxiety. Just a sniff of bergamot, lavender, or frankincense will help you feel calmer almost immediately.

 

Step Outside

 

A short walk can build a lot of perspective and help you unwind even if you don't go far. Make sure to take some deep breaths of fresh air while you're out there.

 

Put on a Happy Face

 

When we smile, we change more than the shape of our faces. A smile quickly changes mood and even gives you a burst of endorphins in your brain, which are responsible for making us feel happy. The best part? A smile can help you unwind even if you're not feeling it initially. This is because even fake smiles tend to become real ones very quickly.

 

Set an Alarm

 

Sometimes, we need a reminder to adopt a change of attitude to unwind. Try setting the alarm on your phone several specific times every day. When one of the alarms goes off, either take a 'mindfulness moment' for a quick meditation or take a moment to read an affirmation. If you're strapped for time when the alarm goes off, use this moment to take a few deep breaths to give yourself a taste of unwinding before continuing with whatever you were doing.

 

While not every tip is going to work, be patient with yourself. Keep trying until you find the methods which give you the space to breathe. After all, unwinding is crucial to your mental health.

 

Making The Most Of Quality Time With Friends And Family

The relationships we have in our lives have a significant impact on our well-being. They help us celebrate good times, offer support during the bad, and fill our lives with companionship to help prevent feelings of isolation and depression.

 

Unfortunately, it’s always easy to maintain the relationships we have or develop new ones. We’re busy juggling dozens of responsibilities that we often put our family and friends on the back burner. Only when it’s too late, do we realize how much we’ve neglected one of the most important aspects of our lives.

 

Read ahead to learn how to make the most of quality time with friends and family so you never take them for granted ever again.

 

The Importance of Quality Time

 

We live in an age where everyone is seemingly connected via their screens. We scroll through social media like our lives depend on it. And we’ve convinced ourselves that by sending a text or clicking on a ‘Like’ button, we’ve done our fair share of social interaction for the day.

 

Yet, humans are social creatures. Starting at screens all day long is sort of the opposite of that, which is why a lot of research shows that excessive use of social media platforms is actually one of the biggest risk factors for feeling isolated, lonely, and anxious.

 

On the flip side, keeping in touch with friends and family does wonders for your mental, emotional, and physical health. This means talking on the phone each week and having in-person get-togethers.

 

Strong social connections make you less likely to suffer from high blood pressure, Type-2 diabetes, and other chronic diseases.

 

Another benefit of surrounding yourself with positive, supportive people is that it lowers your risk of depression, stress, and anxiety. In addition, studies show that it can also delay the effect of cognitive disorders like dementia and Alzheimer's.

 

There’s also the fun aspect of spending time with friends and family. You get to create memories and build strong, trusting relationships.

 

Here are a few more benefits to gain from quality time with the important people in your life:

 

• Improves your sense of self-worth
• Boosts self-confidence
• Encourages you to avoid unhealthy lifestyle habits
• Helps you get through challenging times, like an illness, divorce, job loss, etc.
• Increases your sense of purpose and belonging

 

How to Make the Most of Quality Time with Friends and Family

 

Possibly, one of the things that get in the way of connecting with friends and family is that we’re too tired. Staying connected means staying active, scheduling times that suit both of you, and coming up with things to do together.

 

Yet, once you make an effort, you’ll realize it was just what you needed to make you feel happier and less stressed. To help you get inspired, we put together a list of 30 fun-filled ideas you can try the next time you get together with family and friends.

 

1. Try out a new restaurant or coffee shop.
2. Sign up for a dance class.
3. Visit an art gallery or museum.
4. Plan ‘Game Night.’
5. Hire a rowing boat at a local lake.
6. Make a DIY list of things that need repairs or touch-ups around the house and go through them one by one.
7. Pick up a new hobby or activity together.
8. Plan a crafting night where you knit, crochet, color, or pretty much anything creative!
9. Keep track of important events in each other’s lives and celebrate them.
10. Organize a clothes swap.
11. Attend a TED talk together.
12. Host a ‘spa’ night and do each other’s nails.
13. Gather stuff you don’t want and host a yard sale.
14. Enjoy a Broadway (or off-Broadway) show.
15. Sync up your washing schedules so you can meet at the Laundromat.
16. Plan a getaway for the weekend.
17. Set up a home tasting party.
18. Visit a make-your-own pottery studio.
19. Try an Escape Room.
20. Go bowling or Glow-in-the-Dark bowling for even more fun.
21. Invite your friends or family over for breakfast or brunch while dressed in your PJs.
22. Organize a Swap Clothes day.
23. Go shopping!
24. Go to a karaoke bar or rent a karaoke machine and have a karaoke night at home.
25. See a comedy show.
26. Book tickets to the ballet or the symphony and get all dressed up.
27. Enjoy a ball game from the bleachers.
28. Go jumping at a trampoline park.
29. Brew some herbal tea, sit back, and relax while enjoying afternoon tea and biscuits.
30. Attend community events.

 

6 Hobbies For Physical Health

It’s an appealing idea to embody the Vulcan words of farewell, “live long and prosper.” However, navigating the creation of a long, healthy, and prosperous life can feel overwhelming, or worse, tedious. To combat this, it helps to make things that are good for us both accessible and fun. To that end, the following six hobbies for physical health have you covered.

 

1. Dance 

 

Incorporating dance into your life can be an organized event, such as taking a class, attending salsa night at a Latin club, or heading to a concert. However, it can also be more impromptu, like putting on music that gets you moving and dancing like no one is watching.  Regardless, it will be good for you.

 

A study for Complementary Therapies In Medicine found that exercise is as good as drug interventions for reducing the risk of overall mortality. In addition, they found that dance was a more enjoyable, easier-to-maintain, form of exercise that helps people to lose weight, improve flexibility, gain muscle tone, improve cardiovascular health, and convey social/emotional benefits.^[1]

2. Cycling 

 

You can ride a cruiser, invest in a peloton, downhill race, road bike cross country, or some other variation on the theme. There are many ways to cycle and each of them offers health benefits, a community of like-minded enthusiasts, and an enjoyable way to move your body.

3. Couples Yoga 

 

Yoga is good for you. Few would bother to argue that point. In this case, the more can definitely be the merrier. There are postures you can try with a partner that would be impossible alone. Plus, the social aspect reinforces relationships, another key component of overall health.

4. Running

 

The wonderful thing about running is that you can do it anywhere.  All it takes is you, a pair of shoes, and the will to get going.  When running in a new place, you see it in ways that you couldn’t otherwise. It’s immersive and personal. There’s also a meditative quality to it, an awareness of breath, gait, and environment that can firmly plant you in the present, enriching the moment and your life as a whole.

 

5. Swimming

 

This is an activity that provides it all: challenges, intensity, myriad variations, low impact, and immersion in a fundamental element. In addition, there is something comforting about being in the water, perhaps an unconscious reminder of the womb.   

 

6. Birding

 

Being in nature has been proven to benefit the mind, body, and spirit.^[2] When you add to this experience the mindful awareness of another species, the benefits multiply.  In a simple sense, you create a kind of treasure hunt as you attune your eyes to picking out new feathered friends. 

 

Each additional identification deepens and broadens your perception of the world around you. This connection increases your capacity to care for yourself and others by expanding your scope of care. Inclusiveness is good for everything.

 

The Takeaway

 

Making play out of the physical activities you engage in makes them more enjoyable and hence more sustainable over time. It doesn’t matter what you choose to do, what’s important is that you keep moving. Use these six hobbies for physical health as a springboard and explore some ideas of your own.  This is your adventure, make it a good one.

 

References:

1. Lakes, K. D., Marvin, S., Rowley, J., Nicolas, M. S., Arastoo, S., Viray, L., Orozco, A., & Jurnak, F. (2016). Dancer perceptions of the cognitive, social, emotional, and physical benefits of modern styles of partnered dancing. Complementary therapies in medicine, 26, 117–122. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ctim.2016.03.007
2. Robbins, J. (2020, January 9). Ecopsychology: How Immersion in Nature Benefits Your Health. Yale E360. Retrieved September 27, 2022, from https://e360.yale.edu/features/ecopsychology-how-immersion-in-nature-benefits-your-health