If You Want Less Stress and Anxiety, Learn to Empathize More

Stress is a killer. You might hear someone say, "The stress at my job is killing me!" They could be overstating the situation. In many cases though, stress can quite literally kill you.

 

Chronic stress is related to the six leading causes of death. It's believed that more than 75% of all trips to the emergency room or a doctor are stress-related. So the next time a friend tells you stress is killing him, you might want to take that statement seriously.

 

Ask anyone you know and they'll tell you of a stressful situation they experienced recently. This is an unfortunately common occurrence. You might have too much stress in your own life.

 

For a number of reasons, you can benefit from stressing less and relaxing more often. If that sounds like something you'd enjoy, just learn to empathize more.

 

How Empathy Leads to Less Stress and Depression

 

An empathetic person can place themselves in the emotional experience of someone else. That's the first part of empathy. The part of the empathetic process some people forget is responding in a way that's helpful.

 

You see a coworker has a huge workload. She's stressing out and you know there's no possible way she can hit a proposed deadline. You communicate to her that even though her productivity is excellent and she's a great worker, you don't know how she's going to get everything done. 

 

You just paid her a compliment. You saw her emotions were frazzled and she wasn't in a good place mentally. So, you said something nice about her ability on the job.

 

The next thing you can do after you identify with her situation is to provide assistance. Offer to help her tackle some of her responsibilities. When you do, your coworker will thank you. She'll experience less stress, and science tells us that you'll also have less stress, anxiety and depression.

 

When you learn to recognize that someone else is experiencing negative emotions, you want to help. This is the response for most people. What also happens is that you subconsciously recognize that you're not in that situation. You can understand your coworker's emotional stress, but you aren't experiencing the same thing yourself.

 

Dr. Jamil Zaki is a psychology professor and the director of the Social Neuroscience Laboratory in Stanford. He says empathy can help you see past the many differences people have. It helps you move past prejudice or bias. These are negative emotions. They can produce a stress response in your body. Empathy doesn't allow that to develop.

 

Dr. Zaki also says empathy makes people happier in their relationships and even more successful at work. Studies show us that an empathetic person learns how to process his or her own emotions properly by being able to recognize the emotions other people are going through. That means being more empathetic in your life cannot only help others, but it can also give you a wonderful boost of less stress and more peace of mind.

 

A Simple 3-Step Process to Practice More Empathy

An empathetic person can identify with what someone else is experiencing. They may have had the same experience before. This isn't necessary to practice empathy. You might just be very good at putting yourself in another person's mindset.

 

Someone tells you they lost their job. They're going through so many different negative emotions. They're concerned about their mortgage payment and other financial issues.

 

A person that loses a dream job could start wondering what happened. It took them a long time to get the job they always wanted. They might have been a great employee. Then something occurred that was out of their control. Perhaps the company went bankrupt.

 

This individual could start questioning his own role in the failure of the company. A ton of different negative emotions might be experienced. The empathetic person is able to fully embrace the emotions the other person is going through even if they've never lost a job before.

 

You might want to help your friends and family members by displaying more empathy. You care about them and want to help them when they're in need. If that's the case, simply put into practice the following three-step technique for showing empathy.

 

Step 1 – Listen Actively

 

You might be a good listener. But are you an active listener? Do you just sit there with a blank expression and take in everything that's being said?

 

An active listener uses body language, facial expressions and eye movement to let the person speaking know that they're engaged and present. They are truly and deeply listening. 

 

You use open-ended questions to try to get more information from the speaker. Active listening uses anything at your disposal to get the speaker to share more information. You communicate to that person that their feelings are understood.

 

Step 2 – Validate the Experience

 

People often tell you what's on their minds because they want you to validate what they're saying. They need to know that it's okay to have certain feelings or think a specific way. When you validate a tough situation, someone's experiencing, you let them know they're not alone.

 

You validate an experience by adopting the same feelings and emotions. Tell the person that you're sharing the experience with them and that it's okay. They should recognize whatever emotions are happening. Then the empathetic person tries to figure out what can be done to fix the problem.

 

Step 3 – Offer Advice

 

Empathy is a two-part process. You take on the perspective of another person. You develop an understanding emotionally of what that person is going through. The second part involves action. You provide assistance of some kind. You try to help the person with their struggle. 

 

One way you can do this is by offering smart advice. Remember to think about their situation and not yours. Don't include any bias or judgment. Put yourself in their shoes and then give them advice to help them out of their problem.

 

Showing empathy means you care. It tells people you're putting your own interests aside for a while. The three-step process we just covered can help you show empathy to the people you care about. You'll find that you benefit as much as they do by making an emotional connection.

 

8 Techniques That Stop Anger in its Tracks

You can’t believe they did it. Of all people, turning on you this way. You want to react in kind, drawing on the anger flowing through you to lash out. Make the other person hurt every bit as much as you do right now.

 

Wait a minute. You can’t. You’re not that person. You don’t want to BE that person. You’re better than this.

 

But how do you stop anger in its tracks before it gets the best of you?

 

Take a Walk

 

The physical act of walking will burn off some of the adrenaline while getting outside, giving you a distracting change in scenery. And it works even better if you’re walking away from the object of your anger. Sometimes all you need is some space.

 

Pay Attention to your Muscles

 

Like walking, exercise is good. Also, anger tends to tighten you up, so a good stretch, or even better practicing progressive muscle relaxation, will knock the tension out.

 

Say Something

 

Choose a pet phrase or mantra which calms you. Say it several times, slowly, and deliberately to put your focus elsewhere.

 

Visualization

 

Escape somewhere else. Remove yourself from the situation that has made you mad and find a quiet place where you can visualize something peaceful. Build in as much detail as you can to make it as real as possible. Stay in this vision until you feel yourself start to calm down. 

 

Do Something Grand

 

Take your anger and turn it into activism. How can you use this to change the world? Sign (or start!) a petition. Volunteer. Get involved in the community and make the world a better place. 

 

Write About It

 

Journaling can help you to work through your emotions in a way that might even help prevent you from getting mad the next time around. Understanding what it was about the event which triggered you will help reshape the trigger entirely.

 

Switch Perspective

 

It can be hard to use empathy when you’re upset. But if you can see things from their perspective, it might help you to calm your response. Many times, anger comes from misunderstanding the situation.

 

Forgive

 

This technique falls under expert level of anger management. By being the bigger person and forgiving the other, you’ll find you no longer have reason to be mad at all.

 

The key to all of these is simple: don’t let anger take control. The last thing you need is for you to fall under the power of negative emotion. Use the anger to make a better place or let it go entirely. In the end, you’ll be happier you did.

 

5 Techniques for Using Affirmations to Enhance Your Relationship

Affirmations are powerful positive statements. You may be aware of them as a tool for self-improvement or to help you reach your goals. Did you know that affirmations can help improve your relationships with your partner, family, friends, and even your colleagues?

 

By choosing your words carefully and meaningfully, you can improve relationships in every area of your life. 

 

1. Show Empathy

 

You can use affirmations to show the other person that you see their feelings and acknowledge them. Affirmations can be used as a component of active listening. Listen to what they are saying, without interrupting, and when you do speak, you reflect back what they said to you. You acknowledge where they are and give them space to vent or celebrate or just get their message across. 

 

The key to showing empathy is to make sure you don’t contradict or negate their feelings. Don’t offer advice or give a contrary opinion. Just stand with them in their space. 

 

2. Be Authentic

 

Make sure your affirmations are coming from a place of sincerity. Don’t say things you don’t mean. Keep your affirming messages to the point and focused on the other person. 

 

Affirmations that are economical with the truth or speak out of character will undermine your relationship, not build it. Make sure you speak from the heart. And you don’t have to use flowery language, just be nice. 

 

3. Tell Your Loved Ones They’re Loved

 

Saying I love you early in a relationship is easy. But as time goes on, it’s easy to let endearments slide. Get into the habit of telling your partner, your children, your family, your friends how much you love them. Don’t take it for granted that they feel loved, make sure they know it!

 

4. Say Thank You

 

When was the last time you said thank you for a home-cooked meal? Or for proofreading your job application? Or even for taking the garbage out?

 

No act of kindness should go unacknowledged. Show your family and friends and colleagues that you appreciate what they do for you. Affirm their role in your life. 

 

5. Give Public Praise

 

Sometimes the best affirmations come in the form of public acknowledgment. Give credit where it’s due to your team members, your partner, and your kids. Show them you're grateful and proud of them. Make it a point to acknowledge the extra effort and exceptional achievements.

 

5 Steps to Shift Your Limiting Beliefs for Good

How are you your own worst enemy? We limit ourselves so much. We live in our heads and come up with all these ways to keep us from getting anything accomplished. Even though deep down we know we're good enough, and how much we're fully capable of getting things done. 

 

The only way to get past these self-sabotaging behaviors is to take active, intentional steps to remedy your thinking. Let's look at 5 steps that will shift your limiting beliefs for good. 

 

Stop

 

Wait a minute; what were you thinking? If a thought feels off about something, it's time to stop and examine this idea much closer. Is this perhaps a self-limiting belief? 

 

Think About What You're Saying

 

Where is the lie in this thought? You've already figured out there's something wrong with it, or you wouldn't be going through this process. This means something about it is not ringing true. When you understand where the lie is, it becomes easier to know how to counter it. 

 

Look for the Proof

 

Is there any proof this self-limiting thought is true? Let's examine the part you feel is a lie. Here's where you need to take a step back from the situation if you can and look very impartially at what's going on. Is any grain of truth in what you're thinking? 

 

Take Control

 

If what you were thinking is a lie, it's relatively easy to counter the false aspects of the statement with the truth. But what if this thought was at least partially true? You start by reminding yourself this isn't always the case. For example, you might be thinking you are always late. Maybe you are, in fact, late sometimes. To perform this step, you would need to recall various instances when you were on time. By countering the lie, you are taking control of the situation, and not allowing the limiting belief to have any sway over you. 

 

Get Help

 

Sometimes it can be challenging to remove limiting beliefs by yourself. In these instances, it can be beneficial to talk to a friend, or even a counselor, to help you see the truth. There is nothing wrong with getting help, especially from someone who is in a position to be impartial.

 

Self-limiting beliefs don't have to control your life. By examining your thoughts, especially those that seem to hold you back, you will find it much easier to move forward toward your goals. Soon you will realize success.

 

5 Steps To Defeat Perfectionism Once and For All

We all have moments where we fall into perfectionism. For some of us, this might happen kind of often. For others, it's reserved for those special occasions where we have a project where we can't rest until we get it right.

 

While occasional super-attention-to-detail is okay, it’s when we make perfectionism a way of life where it becomes a problem. Those are the times where we finally need to take charge of our lives and learn how to let go.

 

Try this:

 

Start at the Core

 

Why are you so wrapped up in perfectionism? Are you truly trying to become a better person somehow, or are you just trying to impress someone else or meet expectations from those around you? Neither of these reasons is very healthy, and both need to be addressed.

 

Drop the “Should”

 

The moment you start using this word in a conversation, especially regarding your action, you're already driving yourself crazy. Remind yourself you don’t need validation from anyone. You’re good just by being you.

 

Rewrite the Script

 

What are you telling yourself as you throw yourself into perfectionism? Do you think this is the path to success? Or do you have other unrealistic expectations of the outcome? Here's where you switch up your self-talk to get out of any negative spaces and unrealistic outcomes.

 

Drop the Comparisons

 

Speaking of self-talk, just who are you holding up as role models? Has this too become unhealthy, going from "I want to be more like them" to "Why can't I have everything they do?” Wouldn’t it feel better to celebrate where you are right now and all the effort you’ve been putting into things?

 

Show Some Mercy

 

Perfection never allows for excuses. If you can't succeed, you're automatically a failure. By chasing imperfection, you learn the value of self-forgiveness and the ability to let go of your mistakes in favor of embracing the lessons you can learn from them.

 

You wouldn’t think these steps are all so very important at first glance. After all, is chasing imperfection worthwhile?

 

The answer is a resounding, "Yes!" Perfection is what pulls us away from others and gets us so tangled up inside with worry and stress about getting things right; we negatively impact our mental and physical health. 

 

With this in mind, isn’t it time to let go and enjoy life once and for all?

 

5 Steps for Using Visualization to Get What You Want in Life

What do you want out of life? For some of us, it’s personal improvement. We’d like to lose weight, become stronger and more physically able. Maybe we’d like to achieve something in the world of sports, by winning a race or even running in one. 

 

For others, our goals have to do with our jobs. We want a coveted position, or to seek out something that satisfies on some deeper level. Or maybe it’s to create something, such as writing a book or learning how to paint.

 

Whatever it is you desire most, the question is, how do you intend to go about getting it? The key? Visualization.

 

Visualization takes a goal and makes it concrete and even attainable in our minds. This process is how we bring it about in our lives. How? 

 

Figure Out Your Goal

 

You’ll go nowhere fast if you don’t know where you’re heading. It’s a lot like getting in a car and expecting to get somewhere without a destination. All you’ll do is wind up driving aimlessly and getting nowhere fast. To find your goal, ask yourself what you’re passionate about. What’s the one thing you want to do more than any other?

 

Explore the Details

 

Next, you’re going to want to explore the goal in depth. Experience it thoroughly by using all of your senses. What do you see when you envision it? How does it feel? What does it smell like or even taste like? What do you hear when you think about it? What emotions come alive in you when you think about reaching this goal?

 

Plan for Roadblocks

 

It would be silly to think a goal could be achieved without any kind of trouble along the way. What are the problems you’re most likely going to encounter in this journey? How can you solve them? Include this in your vision.

 

Visualize it Repeatedly

 

You need to be familiar with your dream if you wish to achieve it. Visualization is something you need to practice several times a week. Make a daily practice of visualization. Be consistent in this.

 

Boost Your Success

 

Still floundering? Try starting visualization with a relaxation exercise. Make sure to cut out distractions, whether internal or external, and layer in a little pep talk to bring up your energy. Your best success comes from setting yourself up to succeed from the start.

 

By using these tips, you’ll quickly master the fine art of visualization. Remember, this only works if you’re consistent. Stay the course, and soon you’ll be finding success in whatever it is you wish to pursue.

 

Never Look at a Failure as Final

Do you know anyone who seems to be bulletproof? You know, that friend of yours that takes failures in stride and is always smiling and moving forward in life. How do they do it? You know they're not immune to setbacks or hardship. They just seem to be able to bounce back quickly. Life's inevitable difficulties don't keep them from living the life they desire.

 

By the way, that person can be you. Mental resilience is something that can be developed. It's not a character trait you have to be born with. Every time you suffer some type of loss or failure, you have an opportunity to respond with resilience and emotional control.

 

If that seems impossible for you sometimes, here's what you need to start doing. Never look at a failure as the final result. Don't let some hardship or difficulty be the final chapter in your story. Or, as famous author F. Scott Fitzgerald said ...

 

"Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat."

 

That is such a powerful reminder that your outlook is everything. The person with resilience chooses a positive outlook. They understand that negative things are going to happen in their life. Yet they don't allow that to be the end of their journey.

 

They don't embrace any single failure or loss as the final declaration of who they are.

 

Just Take One More Step

 

Resilience means persisting. You keep going. You push forward and see life's difficulties as nothing more than challenges. You can either become stronger and more capable or allow a defeat or failure to be a statement of who you are.

 

This can seem like simple advice, but the truth is, sometimes, the hardship we encounter in life can be truly debilitating. We simply don't see a way out. The worst of possible things has happened, and there's simply no way that we see any good coming from this.

 

When this happens, as it inevitably will in life, just take one step forward.

 

Don't worry about some big end result. You may be in a terrible situation. If you are, just make one positive movement. 

 

Have one positive thought. Move in the direction of a positive outcome. Even if it's miles away, don't worry about that end result. Just take the first step that moves you a little bit away from the difficulty you encountered.

 

Never let any single defeat be your final defeat. The instant you decide to relentlessly push forward, you show the world and yourself that you are a resilient human being. You won't be kept down for long because your unbreakable mental resolve won't allow you to be defined by defeat.

 

The Importance of Self-Love

You’ve been told time and time again to love those around you, but did you know that you also must love yourself? There are several reasons to love yourself, all of which are important. Read on to find out more about the importance of self-love and why you should prioritize it in your life. 

 

Self-Love is Important for Relationships

 

The number one reason self-love is important is that before you can love someone else, you must first learn to love yourself. You learn about how to treat someone you love based on how you treat yourself. So if you don’t treat yourself with respect and love, you won’t be able to treat someone you love the same way. This can ruin your relationships with others, both friends and family alike. Therefore, if you want to love others, start by loving yourself.

 

Without Self-Love, You’ll Burn Out

 

Besides learning how to love yourself to love others, you also need to learn how to love yourself so you don't burn out. Burnout happens when you spend too much time focusing on others or your duties in life and neglecting self-care. It is characterized by an inability to focus and a sense of exhaustion that won't go away. Self-love is important because it helps keep you from burning out. 

 

Self-Love is Critical to Success

 

Do you want to be successful? Who doesn't! Self-love is important for success. This is because you can't possibly focus on bettering yourself or your place in life while you are constantly being negative about yourself or your abilities. You need to love yourself and embrace your flaws to use them to your advantage. Learning to love even the mistakes you make is a critical part of self-love. 

 

Self-Love Makes You Happier

 

Do you enjoy walking around not liking who you are as a person? Probably not. It is impossible to be happy when you spend your whole life hating on yourself and not loving yourself. If you want to lead a happy and healthy life, you need to work towards self-love today. Plus, you will feel better when you practice self-love, and when you feel better about yourself and the world around you, happiness isn't that far behind!

 

Self-love is a difficult thing to pursue in life, but it is critical to the quality of your life. Without self-love, you will have poor relationships with others, you may burn out, and you will probably never achieve success. Not to mention that you probably won't lead a very happy life! This is why you should put self-love first in your life today! 

 

Five Signs You Might Need to Focus on Emotional Healing

What is emotional healing? It's the process by which you recover emotionally and mentally from a negative life experience. You can't keep tough times from appearing in your life. When you are emotionally healthy and balanced, you deal with those difficult situations that inevitably pop up, and you can move on with your life.

 

Sometimes, we don't understand we need emotional healing. That's the problem. If you suffer some injury and have a broken bone, you can see it. You can certainly feel it. You know you have to get it fixed.

 

This isn't always the case when your emotions are out of whack.

 

You might think your emotional responses to your experiences are correct and healthy. They may be anything but. Here are five signs you could use some emotional healing to live a more complete and fulfilling life.

 

You Don't Experience a Wide Range of Emotions

 

You have access to 34,000 different and unique emotions. That's what psychologist Robert Plutchik believed. He stated that most of us only experience eight primary emotions most of the time. These are anger, sadness, disgust, trust, fear, joy, surprise and anticipation.

 

If only a couple of those are usually present, you probably need more emotional balance. This could indicate that you aren't properly processing situations and human interactions. 

 

Low Self-Esteem and a Poor Self-Image

 

This is an offshoot of what we just talked about. You constantly look down on yourself. Everyone has times when they doubt their abilities. That's only normal. We recover and move on. The emotionally unhealthy person usually has a low sense of self-worth, even when there is evidence this isn't the case.

 

You Have Difficulty Trusting Others

 

A lack of trust can come from emotional imbalance. You must love yourself and truly believe you can overcome a bad relationship experience, or you'll never trust others.

 

You Can't Move Past a Negative Experience

 

Life can be difficult, at times seemingly impossible. It might look like you'll never recover in the middle of the most trying hardship. You will. Don't embrace and hold onto negative emotions. Practice gratitude for the great things in your life. Lean on your support network and get whatever help you need if you can't seem to let go of negative emotions.

 

Constant Anxiety and Stress

 

Chronic stress is a killer and has been directly linked to many common causes of death. A constant display of stress and anxiety could mean you're not always responding to life correctly where your emotions are concerned.

 

There is no miracle pill you can pop to always enjoy perfect emotional balance. You will have ups and downs, experiencing difficult times that hurt you emotionally. 

 

For you to live your best life and for those that you love, you need to learn to recognize a negative life experience, give it its due, and then move on. Consider seeking help if you often display these signs of poor emotional health.

 

For More Productivity and Better Outcomes, Stay in the Moment

Do you remember when multitasking was all the rage? In the 1990s, self-professed productivity gurus told us to constantly juggle multiple tasks. We were told that most big achievers in life could do several different things at once, all of them successfully and at a high level of productivity.

 

Best-selling books talked about multitasking to improve virtually every aspect of our lives. We were told we could do so much more in less time, giving us more free time to do whatever we wanted.

 

After a few years of generating billions of dollars in self-improvement sales, multitasking was unmasked.

 

It was found to be a productivity killer. Millions of people woke up to the reality that the best way to get something done is to do one thing at a time. Focus on a single task until it is completed. Then begin tackling something else. This was and still is the single best way to maximize your time and minimize your effort.

 

Giving All Your Attention to the Current Moment Is All about Focus

 

One of the oldest carpentry axioms tells us to "Measure twice, cut once." This minimizes errors. You don't spend more money than you need to on lumber. You're not wasting money on wood you miscut because you were in a rush with your measurement.

 

In other words, the entire focus is on the present moment. That moment is measuring the piece of lumber you are about to cut. You're not thinking about an upcoming vacation or what you'll eat for dinner. That can cause you to make a mistake. Nothing else should exist except whatever it is you're going to be cutting.

 

Then you measure it again. Your focus is so intense on getting this right that you understand the importance of double-checking your work. This is a simple example of living in the moment. The best carpenters are present in their current actions. They understand that letting their minds wander could lead to an incorrect measurement. That means having to buy more materials to replace their mistakes.

 

A lack of focus on carpentry could also mean smashing your thumb with a hammer. Or worse, if you aren't paying attention while using a saw.

 

We use these real-world examples of the importance of focus to help you appreciate living in the current moment.

 

You'll improve productivity if you focus on the "right now" slice of your life. It's really all you have control over, isn't it? Your past is behind you, and your future is far from guaranteed or controllable. Start spending more time in the present moment, totally immersed in your current existence, and you'll see more productivity and better results in your life.