Socially Confident People Know It's Not Always about Them

Sometimes a lack of confidence comes from internalizing your thoughts. You're thinking about what you are doing wrong, what you could do better, and why you aren't good enough to make friends or socialize in some other way. Those thought patterns can wreck your social confidence so much that you withdraw and simply avoid interacting with other people.

 

The socially confident person knows that the focus should be on others. That's what socializing is all about, isn't it? It's about interacting with others, not yourself. This is why social confidence leads to a person reaching out rather than inward.

 

You can start believing in your ability to interact with others by thinking about them and not so much about yourself. Ask them how they feel. Compliment them on their clothing. Get them talking about their thoughts and emotions rather than you focusing on your own.

 

This is just one way socially confident men and women approach human interaction. They also understand that if their effort at socializing doesn't work, it's not always about them.

 

You Can't Control Other People

 

Imagine the following scenario. You don't always feel comfortable in social settings. You're at a work event you had to attend. There are a bunch of people you don't know there. In fact, you only know a couple of people out of several dozen.

 

You decide to stake take a step out of your comfort zone. 

 

You approach someone, put a smile on your face, and introduce yourself. They begrudgingly return your greeting, and don't look too happy that you approached them. You stick to your guns. You make a comment about some workplace incident that happened recently. The person responds with a disinterested look and simply walks away.

 

How do you perceive that interaction?

 

The socially confident person doesn't care. She feels good about herself. She took a step out of her comfort zone and greeted a total stranger. That was big for her. She is learning to be socially confident.

 

It's not her fault that the other person is having a bad day or for whatever reason didn't want to communicate with her. She shrugs off the event and moves on to someone else.

 

Understand that you can do everything right and someone might not respond to you favorably. That's just life. Don't beat yourself up. You can never understand what's going on in another person's mind or in their life. You do what you need to do to build your social skills. That's all you can do. It's all you have control over, your own actions.

 

Be happy that you tried something when you weren't really comfortable. Congratulate yourself for the effort, knowing that everyone won't respond in a negative way to your attempts at socializing.

How to Stop Yourself from Sabotaging Your Own Success

When you sabotage your own success, you are using action or inaction that will undermine your progress and prevent you from accomplishing your goals. You will be hindering your own success. 

 

Some people may undermine their good intentions and defeat their long-term goals. If you take destructive steps like this, it can have a negative impact on almost every part of your life, including your career and relationships. 

 

This article will discuss self-sabotage and teach you ways to stop yourself from sabotaging your own success in life. 

Why Do People Develop Self-Sabotaging Behaviors?

 

There are various reasons why people may thwart their own progress. The causes can range from effects of prior relationships to issues experienced in childhood. Other reasons include coping problems and low self-esteem.

 

Self-sabotage may serve as a temporary coping mechanism for dealing with past traumas and stressful situations. However, it usually makes those problems even harder to deal with, and limits someone’s ability to move beyond them. 

How Can You Stop Yourself from Sabotaging Your Own Success?

 

You can overcome your self-sabotaging problems and replace them with self-confidence, with practice. Here are some tips to stop yourself from sabotaging your own success:

1. Recognize the Behaviors You Use to Sabotage Yourself

 

If you want to stop self-sabotaging, you must recognize the behaviors that sabotage you. Think about goals you may have had for years but have not yet accomplished. Are there areas where you put off making decisions? Do you suffer from a lack of motivation, in minor things as well as important things?

2. Understand Emotions that Lead to Self-Sabotaging Behaviors

 

Behaviors that cause you to sabotage your own success often stem from feelings of anger, anxiety, or worthlessness. Try to manage those emotions, so you won’t commit yourself to any behaviors that will have negative consequences. Check for warning signs of anxiety or anger before they can get out of control.

3. Change Unhelpful Thoughts, Emotion, and Behaviors

 

As you discover negative thoughts and emotions that trigger your self-sabotage behavior, challenge them. If you change one of those aspects, you can change the others more easily.

4. Develop Behaviors that Support You and Your Goals

 

After you identify and begin defeating the false thoughts and emotions that lead to self-sabotaging behavior, you can then begin rebuilding your confidence and self-esteem. 

5. Challenge All of Your Excuses

 

Pay attention to all the excuses you’ve developed when you don’t reach a goal, or when you fail in some way. Usually, the excuses are made to cope with your pain of failing. 

6. Don’t Feed Your Fears Anymore

 

Fears will not go away all by themselves, simply by your pretending they’re not there, or by pushing them to the side. If you don’t attend to fears, they grow stronger. Challenge your fears and see if they’re real and take actions to reduce fears wherever you can. 

7. Learn From Each of Your Mistakes

 

You’re probably the only one who sees yourself as a failure, but many people see themselves in the same way. Everyone will make mistakes – at home and in their professional life. Learn from those mistakes, rather than dwelling on them or burying them. 

8. Understand Your Limits

 

Don’t take on many things at once that you don’t have the capacity, control, or capabilities to handle. You can go after more than one objective, but don’t take on more than you can accomplish. Know what your limits are and stay within them. 

Final Thoughts

 

When you sabotage your own success, it makes life more challenging than it needs to be. There is a great deal of pressure in your life, which can translate into anxiety or stress in your career position and your relationships. 

 

Embrace your capabilities and your potential to be successful, and don’t let doubts or negative emotions keep you from becoming everything you desire to be. 

The Power of No: Setting Boundaries for a Healthier You

“No is a complete sentence.”- Annie Lamott

Many of us people pleasers find it difficult to say no and establish boundaries. This often leads to us over-extending ourselves to others and feeling resentful when our boundaries are constantly crossed. But how can we expect others to respect our boundaries when we aren’t even communicating properly and saying no?

Learning how to say ‘no’ and set firm yet healthy boundaries is the key to mental peace and maintaining healthy relationships with others. Having loose boundaries and not being able to say no often leads to us feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. 

Understandably, we all want to be liked by others, but people-pleasing is not the way to go. It just allows others to walk all over us continuously. 

The Importance of Setting Boundaries

While it can be challenging to set boundaries with difficult people, it is important and the key to forming healthy relationships and taking care of your well-being. Saying no to things that do not serve you or you simply do not have the time for can help you focus on yourself and your priorities. It can enable you to create a balance in all aspects of your life. 

For example, if your boss asks you to come in and work on the weekends or expects you to work overtime late at night, it is important to set firm boundaries with your work, learn to say no respectfully, and create a work-life balance for your well-being. This helps you avoid any undue stress and helps you focus on other things in your life that might give you purpose or energize you like your family or hobbies. 

Healthy boundaries can free you from unrealistic expectations from others and the resentments that come with them. They can help you avoid conflicts in relationships. Setting healthy boundaries with your partner, friends, kids, or any other relationship you may have in your life can allow you to nurture these relationships, conserve energy, and save you from a lot of drama and toxicity. 

How to Set and Maintain Healthy Boundaries 

1. Find Your ‘Why’

 

Reflect on the reason you want to set a boundary. Perhaps something in your relationship or friendship is making you resentful and uncomfortable and you want to set a boundary with your friend to preserve your mental and emotional well-being. 

Start small. 

Start slowly and set a few boundaries initially and build them up slowly. Don’t go to an extreme level and set up rigid and unhealthy boundaries that you will not be able to maintain in the long run. Go at your own comfortable pace and make changes as needed. 

2. Set Boundaries Early On

Consider setting boundaries early on in a relationship as it can be hard to start putting boundaries around pre-existing relationships. For example, you could set boundaries early on with in-laws when you get engaged or married. This way you set expectations to be a certain way from the beginning avoiding any confusion or hurt in relationships. 

3. Stay Firm and Consistent

When setting boundaries, it is important to not let them slide as it will make people not take you seriously and just add to the confusion. Staying firm can help reinforce your boundaries. 

4. Communicate When Your Boundaries are Crossed

Confidently communicate when someone disrespects and crosses your boundaries continuously. You can communicate assertively and effectively without sounding aggressive or confrontational and still assert your boundaries. 

For example, if someone keeps calling you late at night repeatedly you could say something like, “I can see you want to get a hold of me, but the best thing would be to text me, and I will get back to you when I have the time in the morning.” This assertively highlights their behavior and sets and maintains your boundaries.

Setting boundaries and saying no to things that do not serve you can be an empowering experience and help you maintain great relationships. While setting your boundaries, it is also important to recognize the boundaries of other people and respect them just as you would expect them to respect yours. 

Try not to violate the boundaries of other people as it can cause resentment and contempt to build them which leads to toxicity in relationships and people withdrawing from others who may cross their boundaries. 

It is possible to set boundaries without being aggressive, confrontational, or upsetting people. Don’t feel guilty about setting boundaries and take it as an act of self-care and something crucial to your overall well-being. 

How to Deal with Constantly Feeling Overwhelmed

Do you get tense just thinking about all of the responsibilities you have? If so, you probably deal with feelings of fear, frustration, anxiety, and maybe even anger. Once in a while, you may deal with these feelings, but when it is each day for weeks or months on end, it is time to learn how to deal with them. 

6 Suggestions to Deal with the Constant Feeling of Overwhelm

Don’t let yourself get caught up in the struggles that come with an overstuffed plate. Instead, take these steps to help you deal with those constant feelings of overwhelm: 

• Try to Find the Primary Cause: Think about what is going on in your life or career. Ask yourself what is causing you to feel stressed and overwhelmed? Do you have an enormous project weighing you down? Is there something that can be delegated? If you can hand off the task, do so. If it is a large project, break it down into manageable steps. 

• Breathe Deeply: Feelings of overwhelm will leave you tense, and you may be breathing in shallow bursts. Slowing down to breathe from your diaphragm will help you lower your stress response. It will help you reassess what needs to be done.

• Establish Boundaries: You need to expect that you will disappoint people, but you will want to learn to tell people ‘no’ for your well-being. Do what you need to ensure your feelings of overwhelm do not overtake you. You may determine that you will not answer any email between the 9 and 10 AM hours so that you can focus on project work.

• Ask for Help: Sometimes, fighting overwhelm needs more than better calendar management. The listening ear of a friend or understanding HR personnel may be what you need to get through the day. They can help put things back into perspective.

• Keep a Journal: Journaling has many benefits. One of which is to help you clear your mind so you can process thoughts. Expressing yourself freely on paper will bring you much relief.

• Put Perfectionism in Its Place: We use perfectionism as an excuse to make some projects appear bigger than they are. It also encourages procrastination which means things pile up, and then you are overwhelmed at the mess. Instead, use your boundaries to determine if you really need to take on a particular project or if someone else can do it.

Fight back against overwhelm when you step back, assess the situation, take a deep breath, and ask for help.

Mindful Eating: Nourishing Your Body And Soul

Life today is accelerated, and eating may not be something you think about often enough. You need to pause, select and prepare your foods with care, and nourish yourself. In this article, we will explore mindful eating, how it affects your well-being and how it transforms the relationship you have with food. 

Benefits of Mindful Eating 

 

Practicing mindful eating can have many benefits for your body and mind including: 

 

• Healthy weight management: When you pay attention to your hunger levels and signals of fullness, you can avoid overeating. This helps you keep your weight at a healthy level without using strict diets. 

• More efficient digestion: As you eat more slowly and chew your food thoroughly, it makes it easier for your body to digest it. You’ll gain more nutrients, and you won’t have to endure stomach discomfort.

• Improved food choice and eating habits: Mindful eating allows you to choose healthier foods. When you slow your eating, you will also be thinking about choosing nutritious foods.

• Enhanced meal enjoyment: When you can fully experience the aroma, taste, and texture of the foods you eat, your meals will be more enjoyable. 

• Reduced stress levels: Eating slowly and mindfully is more relaxing. Take the time to enjoy your meals and you’ll find yourself feeling more peaceful and less stressed. 

Tips for Mindful Eating

• Engage your senses: Before you eat, take a minute to fully appreciate your meal’s visual appeal. Notice the colors, presentation, and shapes. Inhale and enjoy the aroma before you begin eating.

• Practice gratitude for your food: Before you start eating, take a moment to express gratitude for the meal.

• Slowing down your meals: Eat at an easy place and savor every bite. Take time to enjoy the textures and flavors of your food. 

• Listen to the hunger signals your body sends: Eat only when you are actually hungry. Stop eating when you are satisfied. Avoid emotional eating and mindless snacking. 

• Chew your food in a mindful way: Chew your meals thoroughly. This aids in digestion and lets you experience the meal and enjoy it. 

• Snack mindfully: Choose nutritious snacks that will fulfill your body’s needs. Mindfully savor each bite, even with snacks. 

Mindful Eating: How it Connects to Emotional Eating

 

Emotional eating uses food to help in coping with emotions, instead of hunger. Mindful eating helps you lessen emotional eating. It increases your awareness of triggers that cause emotional eating. 

 

When you practice mindful eating, you’ll learn the difference between emotional hunger and physical hunger. Mindful exercises for healthy eating can include pausing before you reach for food, to determine which kind of hunger you are experiencing. 

How Mindful Eating Helps in Managing Weight

 

Mindful eating is a productive tool in managing your weight. When you tune in and understand your body’s cues for hunger and fullness, you won’t overeat, and you will make healthier choices in the foods you eat. Practice portion control and choose foods that are nutrient dense. Be kind to yourself when you do slip up. 

Conclusion

 

In this world of multi-tasking and speediness, mindful eating can offer you a haven of connection and presence. It will remind you that nourishing yourself is more than just a physical necessity. 

 

It is also a chance to engage with your body, your senses, and the world. As you eat mindfully to nourish your soul as well as your body, realize this is not a destination, but a journey. You can develop and hone the talent with time. 

 

One bite after another, your relationship with food can be transformed. Savor each moment and each bite, weaving mindfulness into your life. This nourishes your body and your soul.

 

5 Powerful Signs You’re on The Right Path in Life

Do you sometimes wonder if you’re on the right path in life? It’s commonly asked by many people, and that’s understandable. Life is a journey, after all, and sometimes you need to check to be sure you’re heading in the right direction. 

 

There are some signs that will indicate that you are, in fact, heading where you wish to go. In this article, we will explore 5 powerful signs that you are on the right path in life. 

 

1. You’re Pursuing What You Love

 

Is your time spent doing things that really matter to you? Perhaps it’s your hobby, your job, or just something pursued in your idle time. If you are passionate about the things you do, and they make you happy, that’s a powerful sign that you are on the right path. 

 

Life isn’t just about working hard to make more money. It’s about finding satisfaction and joy in what you do. So, if your job or hobby brings your heart happiness and brightens your day, keep on that path. It means you’re thriving, rather than simply surviving. 

 

2. You’re Surrounded by Positive Influences

 

Look around you, right where you stand:

 

• Do you see hope?

• How about positivity?

• Do the people around you inspire you and lift you up?

 

If you answered “yes: to these questions, you’re on the right path in life. It takes time to fully understand it, but the people with whom you surround yourself play a crucial role in determining your life’s direction. 

 

Energy can be quite contagious, as can support. So, if you find yourself surrounded by negative people who drag you down, find some new friends. 

 

3. You Overcome Obstacles in Your Way

 

Being on the correct path in life does not mean everything magically and automatically falls into place all the time. When you see obstacles in front of you, come up with creative, innovative ways to work around them or overcome them. 

 

Consider a situation that is the opposite: Have you ever had a failing relationship or a thankless job that you felt was time to leave? Think about the inspiration you would feel if a wonderful opportunity presented itself right then and there, to make an escape. 

 

If you’re on your right path, obstacles won’t be anything more than small bumps in an overall smooth road. Giving up should not be an option. 

 

4. You Give Back to Others

 

Although your personal destiny is a single path, it isn’t solitary. You’ve probably had mentors in your life, and there will be more, as you continue life’s voyage. These people reach out to you, sharing their resources and knowledge. To honor their example, you can learn to give the same to others, still trying to find their way. 

 

Whether you tutor students after school or volunteer in a community food pantry, you are making a difference. This cycle of giving and receiving makes us all better people. 

 

5. You Learn Something New Every Day

 

You’ll never feel old if you put new information in your brain every day. You should end your day a bit wiser than when you awoke that morning. 

 

Some ways to learn something new:

 

• Socialize with others like coworkers or friends.

• Sign up for a class at a local college or trade school.

• Visit museums in your city.

• Read informational pages or articles. 

• Play word games or number games.

• Expand your vocabulary, even if it’s just one word a day.

• Learn a new language.

 

Conclusion

 

Deciding what path to take in life and determining if it’s right for you are things only you may determine. There isn’t just one path for each person, since many roads cross or lead the same way. 

 

Direction and circumstances may change during your journey, and nothing says you have to stay locked into one specific course. It is important to remember that if you are questioning whether a path is right for you, it may indicate that you need to change your path.