This Prime Minister Understood You Don't Have To Be Liked to Get the Job Done

Margaret Thatcher became Britain's Prime Minister after winning the general election in 1979. She was the first woman to lead one of the major political parties in the United Kingdom. Previous economic troubles saw her take leadership in the middle of a recession.

 

Unemployment was rising dramatically. The British people weren't happy. Nevertheless, Thatcher didn't try to appease everyone by being popular. Instead, she took dramatic steps that didn't make many people happy with her.

 

Even so, she stuck by her guns. To say that she was unpopular at the beginning of her reign as Prime Minister is an understatement. The IRA tried to assassinate her in 1984. When someone tries to kill you, that's pretty much the height of unpopularity.

 

Nevertheless, she was so successful in turning around the economy that she served three consecutive terms. She enjoyed landslide reelections twice and is one of the most popular PMs in recent memory.

 

Nevertheless, she had this lesson to teach us about needing people to like us.

 

"If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing."

 

The best leaders are often well-liked. People respect their power and their achievements. When great leaders produce the results their followers are looking for, it's natural for them to enjoy popularity.

 

That's not to say that leaders should develop a dependence on being popular.

 

Margaret Thatcher understood this. She saw the inherent problem that can develop when approval becomes more important than delivering results.

 

You Don't Have To Be a Leader to Learn from This Lesson

 

You're probably not a politician. Very few people are. Maybe you don't long to become Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. It doesn't matter if you never throw your hat into the political arena. The lesson here is still relevant for so many of us.

 

If you want to accomplish anything, you can't worry if your actions will be popular or not. If you want to be popular, put everyone else first and worry about yourself last.

 

While helping others is an admirable character trait, you have to be careful. If you're doing it for people to like you, that's the wrong reason. Human beings can be rather fickle, which means your popularity can disappear quickly. 

 

No matter what you're trying to accomplish in your life, do it for the right reasons. It's easier to create the results you're looking for when you keep your eyes focused on the game plan rather than worrying about being popular.

What are Personal Boundaries and Why We Need Them

You’ve probably heard the phrase before, but maybe you’re unsure what it means. Just what ARE personal boundaries, and what difference do they make in your life?

 

To understand a personal boundary, you have to understand what a boundary is. Let’s start at the dictionary and go from there:

 

bound·a·ry (noun)

a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.

 

Most boundaries are pretty easy to see. The world is full of fences and dividers, clearly marking off space. A personal boundary does the same thing – only on a more invisible and internal level. Let’s look at this on a little closer.

 

What are boundaries?

 

1. A boundary tells you what your responsibility is in a given situation. You already have some boundaries at work or school. These are the parameters of your job or your responsibility as a student and usually are marked out pretty clearly when you took the job or where enrolled. On a personal level, a boundary tells you who you’re responsible for (yourself of course, but you might also be a caregiver). But what about your other responsibilities such as paying your bills, or taking care of your pets?

 

2. A boundary keeps you safe. Many of these should go without saying – such as abstaining from drinking and driving. But sometimes you have to set some such boundaries for yourself. Such as whether or not it’s healthy to be in a relationship with a certain individual.

 

3. A boundary tells us who we are.  Are you a good person? A bad person? A selfish person? A pious one? Our moral code becomes the boundary that defines us.

 

4. A boundary clarifies your needs. What things need to be in place in your life for you to be happiest and healthiest? What protects you for overwork or abuse?

 

5. A boundary defines your relationships. What are the parameters of your relationship? Is that healthy? What is your responsibility to that other person? How are they responsible for you?

 

With all that, it makes sense that having strong boundaries is a good idea. Especially when you take into consideration these facts:

 

Boundaries…

 

…give you a better idea of who you are

…help others to understand your needs

…give guidelines in your relationships

…make for healthy interactions with other people

 

And perhaps most important of all, they are an integral part of self-care.

 

As a side note remember this: Boundaries need to be revisited occasionally and re-evaluated. As we grow and change, our boundaries will change as well. 

 

With all this at stake, it’s no wonder we give boundaries such a lot of attention. Boundaries can mean the difference between a happy and healthy life and a life of drudgery and resentment. 

 

Is it time to learn where to draw the line?

 

How Can I Spark My Imagination?

If you have woken up to discover one day that you have almost completely left your imagination behind in your childhood, you might be wondering how you can get it back. The good news is, there are many ways to spark your imagination to bring it back, a few of which are listed below. 

 

Try Something New

 

One of the main reasons you lose your imagination as you age is because you learn exactly how the world works, and it leaves no room for you to wonder about the unknown. A good way to get your imagination going again is to try something unknown to you. This can be anything from a new hobby, visiting a new restaurant, or a vacation to somewhere new. 

 

Journal

 

Journaling regularly can help spark your creativity, especially if you engage in a string of consciousness thinking where you just let your mind wander and write down whatever comes to mind. This freewriting can help open your mind to new ideas and get your imagination going again! For best results, you should try to journal as frequently as possible, maybe even every day if you can.

 

Read Imaginative Media

 

As you age, you are exposed less and less to imaginative media. Gone are the days where you would read books about castles, dragons, and far-off lands. So help get your imagination going by reading some fiction novels again! There are many fiction novels in the adult section for you to enjoy, but don't be afraid to venture to the Young Adult section. You never know what amazing story will get your mind going.

 

Make A Vision Board

 

Do you have goals in your life that you are nowhere near achieving? Well, surprisingly, achieving goals takes a fair amount of imagination! Creating a visual image of your goal, like creating a vision board, can help get those creative or imaginative juices flowing. This is especially true when you make a physical board using just supplies you can find the house (or maybe old fashion magazines) as it takes creativity to transform unused stuff into a vision board. 

 

Overall, sparking your imagination isn't hard when you know where to start! If you want to get yourself back to a creative state of mind, start by trying something new, incorporate journaling into your everyday life, read more imaginative media, and make a vision board! Before you know it, you will be feeling more imaginative than ever before! 

Top 3 Ways to Boost Your Imagination

As you age, it can be disheartening to realize that you are no longer as imaginative as you once were. This realization can leave you wondering how you can boost your imagination to be more creative. The good news is, there are several ways to boost your imagination, the top three of which are listed below. 
 
Read
 
People often associate reading with learning and thus view the activity as work or some sort of burden. But the reality is, reading a fiction or fantasy book is an amazing way to boost your creativity. You often have to use your imagination to picture the scenes and characters from the book, which you don't do in your regular life. If you can't find an adult fantasy book, don't be afraid to check out another fiction genre. You might find your new favorite book!
 
Daydream
 
When you were a kid, was the teacher always telling you to stop daydreaming? While this may have helped you focus better in math class, it wasn't good for your developing imagination! 
 
This reason is why you should get back into daydreaming as an adult. You can sit on the couch and wonder what your life would be like if it were different, or even spend your time visualizing your goals working out just the way you want to! Either way, the activity of picturing something that isn't in your real life will boost your imagination tremendously!
 
Do Something Creative
 
Now that you've learned how to boost your imagination by sitting on the couch, it's important to know that you can also boost your imagination by doing something creative. If you aren't sure where to start, consider taking an art class at your local community center. It doesn't matter what type of art it is, just that you take the time to create something from your thoughts truly! You can also work on building a garden in your yard or even writing your own book—both of these activities are creative and will get your imagination flowing!
 
Whether you want to be more imaginative when achieving your goals or get back something you lost, boosting your imagination can be a fun and relaxing activity. All you need to do to boost your imagination is to read more, spend some time daydreaming, and commit to doing something creative. Before you know it, you will imagine an all-new life for yourself filled with wonder beyond anything you thought possible!

Top 5 Benefits of a Healthy Imagination

Many people think that a healthy imagination isn’t part of a successful life, but this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Below are the top 5 reasons that you should work to have a healthy imagination—no matter where you may be in your life. 

 

You Will Get Further In Your Career

 

Think of that one coworker that everyone, including your boss, hates. Are they very imaginative? Probably not. Having a healthy imagination is a huge part of propelling you forward in your career as it helps you problem solve and shows your boss that you have initiative. Not only that, it can help you to enjoy your career more as you will be able to imagine where you are going with it! 

 

Imagination Leads to Passion

 

If you feel as if you aren't passionate about anything and that there isn't anything on this earth you could be passionate about, your problem isn't passion. It's the lack of imagination. Imagination helps you get excited about things that may or may not happen, which makes you passionate about activities in your life. 

 

Imagination Stimulates Innovation

 

Is there something in your life that you wish you could change? Well, without a healthy imagination, you will probably never be able to change it. This is because imagination helps your mind innovate to find solutions to problems that may exist in your personal or professional life. It can lead to all sorts of amazing possibilities as you innovate your world to suit your dreams. 

 

Imagination Helps You Cope

 

There is no way around it. Sometimes life isn't fun. If you don't have a good imagination, you may find yourself getting stuck in a rut every time something bad happens in your life. Imagination helps propel you forward and keep you thinking positively even when the future seems grim. 

 

You Use Imagination to Design Your Future

 

Do you have a hard time picturing where you will end up? This is probably because you don't have a healthy imagination. Using your imagination is a critical part of finding goals you want to pursue and being able to visualize them to motivate yourself to work towards them! Without imagination, you may find yourself stuck in the present. 

 

Regardless of where you want to end up in life, it is very clear that a healthy imagination needs to be part of your journey. This is why you should commit to boosting your imagination sooner rather than later. 

How to Stop Yourself from Sabotaging Your Own Success

When you sabotage your own success, you are using action or inaction that will undermine your progress and prevent you from accomplishing your goals. You will be hindering your own success. 

 

Some people may undermine their good intentions and defeat their long-term goals. If you take destructive steps like this, it can have a negative impact on almost every part of your life, including your career and relationships. 

 

This article will discuss self-sabotage and teach you ways to stop yourself from sabotaging your own success in life. 

Why Do People Develop Self-Sabotaging Behaviors?

 

There are various reasons why people may thwart their own progress. The causes can range from effects of prior relationships to issues experienced in childhood. Other reasons include coping problems and low self-esteem.

 

Self-sabotage may serve as a temporary coping mechanism for dealing with past traumas and stressful situations. However, it usually makes those problems even harder to deal with, and limits someone’s ability to move beyond them. 

How Can You Stop Yourself from Sabotaging Your Own Success?

 

You can overcome your self-sabotaging problems and replace them with self-confidence, with practice. Here are some tips to stop yourself from sabotaging your own success:

1. Recognize the Behaviors You Use to Sabotage Yourself

 

If you want to stop self-sabotaging, you must recognize the behaviors that sabotage you. Think about goals you may have had for years but have not yet accomplished. Are there areas where you put off making decisions? Do you suffer from a lack of motivation, in minor things as well as important things?

2. Understand Emotions that Lead to Self-Sabotaging Behaviors

 

Behaviors that cause you to sabotage your own success often stem from feelings of anger, anxiety, or worthlessness. Try to manage those emotions, so you won’t commit yourself to any behaviors that will have negative consequences. Check for warning signs of anxiety or anger before they can get out of control.

3. Change Unhelpful Thoughts, Emotion, and Behaviors

 

As you discover negative thoughts and emotions that trigger your self-sabotage behavior, challenge them. If you change one of those aspects, you can change the others more easily.

4. Develop Behaviors that Support You and Your Goals

 

After you identify and begin defeating the false thoughts and emotions that lead to self-sabotaging behavior, you can then begin rebuilding your confidence and self-esteem. 

5. Challenge All of Your Excuses

 

Pay attention to all the excuses you’ve developed when you don’t reach a goal, or when you fail in some way. Usually, the excuses are made to cope with your pain of failing. 

6. Don’t Feed Your Fears Anymore

 

Fears will not go away all by themselves, simply by your pretending they’re not there, or by pushing them to the side. If you don’t attend to fears, they grow stronger. Challenge your fears and see if they’re real and take actions to reduce fears wherever you can. 

7. Learn From Each of Your Mistakes

 

You’re probably the only one who sees yourself as a failure, but many people see themselves in the same way. Everyone will make mistakes – at home and in their professional life. Learn from those mistakes, rather than dwelling on them or burying them. 

8. Understand Your Limits

 

Don’t take on many things at once that you don’t have the capacity, control, or capabilities to handle. You can go after more than one objective, but don’t take on more than you can accomplish. Know what your limits are and stay within them. 

Final Thoughts

 

When you sabotage your own success, it makes life more challenging than it needs to be. There is a great deal of pressure in your life, which can translate into anxiety or stress in your career position and your relationships. 

 

Embrace your capabilities and your potential to be successful, and don’t let doubts or negative emotions keep you from becoming everything you desire to be. 

The Power of No: Setting Boundaries for a Healthier You

“No is a complete sentence.”- Annie Lamott

Many of us people pleasers find it difficult to say no and establish boundaries. This often leads to us over-extending ourselves to others and feeling resentful when our boundaries are constantly crossed. But how can we expect others to respect our boundaries when we aren’t even communicating properly and saying no?

Learning how to say ‘no’ and set firm yet healthy boundaries is the key to mental peace and maintaining healthy relationships with others. Having loose boundaries and not being able to say no often leads to us feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. 

Understandably, we all want to be liked by others, but people-pleasing is not the way to go. It just allows others to walk all over us continuously. 

The Importance of Setting Boundaries

While it can be challenging to set boundaries with difficult people, it is important and the key to forming healthy relationships and taking care of your well-being. Saying no to things that do not serve you or you simply do not have the time for can help you focus on yourself and your priorities. It can enable you to create a balance in all aspects of your life. 

For example, if your boss asks you to come in and work on the weekends or expects you to work overtime late at night, it is important to set firm boundaries with your work, learn to say no respectfully, and create a work-life balance for your well-being. This helps you avoid any undue stress and helps you focus on other things in your life that might give you purpose or energize you like your family or hobbies. 

Healthy boundaries can free you from unrealistic expectations from others and the resentments that come with them. They can help you avoid conflicts in relationships. Setting healthy boundaries with your partner, friends, kids, or any other relationship you may have in your life can allow you to nurture these relationships, conserve energy, and save you from a lot of drama and toxicity. 

How to Set and Maintain Healthy Boundaries 

1. Find Your ‘Why’

 

Reflect on the reason you want to set a boundary. Perhaps something in your relationship or friendship is making you resentful and uncomfortable and you want to set a boundary with your friend to preserve your mental and emotional well-being. 

Start small. 

Start slowly and set a few boundaries initially and build them up slowly. Don’t go to an extreme level and set up rigid and unhealthy boundaries that you will not be able to maintain in the long run. Go at your own comfortable pace and make changes as needed. 

2. Set Boundaries Early On

Consider setting boundaries early on in a relationship as it can be hard to start putting boundaries around pre-existing relationships. For example, you could set boundaries early on with in-laws when you get engaged or married. This way you set expectations to be a certain way from the beginning avoiding any confusion or hurt in relationships. 

3. Stay Firm and Consistent

When setting boundaries, it is important to not let them slide as it will make people not take you seriously and just add to the confusion. Staying firm can help reinforce your boundaries. 

4. Communicate When Your Boundaries are Crossed

Confidently communicate when someone disrespects and crosses your boundaries continuously. You can communicate assertively and effectively without sounding aggressive or confrontational and still assert your boundaries. 

For example, if someone keeps calling you late at night repeatedly you could say something like, “I can see you want to get a hold of me, but the best thing would be to text me, and I will get back to you when I have the time in the morning.” This assertively highlights their behavior and sets and maintains your boundaries.

Setting boundaries and saying no to things that do not serve you can be an empowering experience and help you maintain great relationships. While setting your boundaries, it is also important to recognize the boundaries of other people and respect them just as you would expect them to respect yours. 

Try not to violate the boundaries of other people as it can cause resentment and contempt to build them which leads to toxicity in relationships and people withdrawing from others who may cross their boundaries. 

It is possible to set boundaries without being aggressive, confrontational, or upsetting people. Don’t feel guilty about setting boundaries and take it as an act of self-care and something crucial to your overall well-being. 

Breaking Bad Habits: 5 Effective Steps to Overcome Negative Patterns

If you are fully aware that something is bad for you, why is it so difficult to stop? 70% of smokers report that they want to quit. People who abuse alcohol or drugs struggle to break free of their control over their lives. Many people carry unhealthy weight that could be lost if they exercised more and ate right. Why do so many people have trouble overcoming these negative patterns? 

 

Scientists funded by the National Institutes of Health (NIH) are searching for the answer to that question. They study what happens in our brains while habits are forming. They have discovered clues to why our bad habits are hard to overcome. They are working on strategies that will help us make changes we need to make in our lives. 

 

Here are 5 effective steps for overcoming negative patterns and breaking bad habits:

1. Understand that Success Won’t be a Straight Line

 

As you begin trying to change, you will find setbacks and bumps in the road. They are parts of the important process of developing lasting change. You are your own worst critic, and you may view anything less than complete success as a failure. 

 

It may help to take the perspective of a third person and react as you would to a friend trying to change, instead of yourself. You would be reassuring and kind, rather than critical. Allow yourself the same treatment. 

2. Make an Achievable Game Plan

 

Start your journey with a game plan you can achieve. Just thinking about change isn’t normally enough to overcome negative patterns. Instead, use a journal – or your phone, or paper – and start with a plan. 

 

Gain some introspection into the changes you want to make. Consider:

• What is your main goal?

• Why is that goal one you want to achieve?

• Can you set smaller goals to help you reach the main goal?

• What things trigger your bad habit?

• What setbacks do you foresee?

• What types of coping strategies can help you deal with your triggers and your setbacks?

• What type of support system is available for you?

• How will you be tracking challenges and progress?

3. Keep Changes Simple

 

The reason it’s difficult to break your bad habits is that they are already automatic and easy. New behaviors are harder to adopt. Your brain has not yet taken them on. When you make your new goal behaviors simple, it helps in integrating them into your brain’s autopilot routines.

4. Practice Mindfulness

 

Mindfulness will assist you to develop an awareness of your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions. Simply observe the impulses related to your bad habits without reacting to them or judging them. 

 

As you develop awareness of your routine behaviors and those triggers that cause them, you can consider other available options, like not acting on your urges or avoiding cues that cause you to remember bad habits. 

 

Practicing consistent mindfulness will also help you in noticing ways in which your habits affect your life on a daily basis. As you begin recognizing those effects, it helps you to feel driven to change the bad habits. 

5. Cut Out Your Triggers

 

Cut as many triggers as you can from your life. If you usually smoke when drinking, don’t drink alcohol. If you eat whatever cookies you have in your house, throw them away. Make it easier to break your bad habits by avoiding whatever causes them. 

Conclusion

 

Once you have broken a bad habit, what’s the next step? You need to plan to prevent any relapse. Bad habits are difficult to break, and it will usually take multiple attempts to change. Remember to be compassionate with yourself, so you won’t give up when you encounter a setback or roadblock. That makes success much more probable.

References

 

https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-break-a-habit#be-mindful

 

https://www.heart.org/en/healthy-living/healthy-lifestyle/mental-health-and-wellbeing/how-to-break-bad-habits-and-change-behaviors

 

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/how-to-break-a-bad-habit-202205022736

 

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-to-break-bad-habits