5 Benefits to Life without Validation

How would you like more time in the day? 

 

If you're looking to get things done and free up more time for the fun stuff in life, then all you need to do is make one simple change in your life: let go of your need for validation.

 

Validation costs us all time and energy. Even now, think back over your day. How many times were you concerned about how someone else thought about you? How did this affect your actions? Let’s face it, we put a lot of effort into fitting in, being liked, and trying to make a good impression.

 

Now imagine what happens when you accept you're pretty fantastic already and don't need others to tell you so. What if you could just be yourself and not worry about the rest? Consider these benefits to life without validation:

 

You Don’t Have to Jump Through Hoops

 

How often have you contorted your thoughts, beliefs, ideas, and opinions to fit better with those around you, all just so others would think well of you? When you stop searching for validation, you can relax and be who you are.

 

You’re No Longer Fenced In

 

When you’re looking for validation from others, there are certain invisible boundaries we have to maintain. For example, we might find ourselves holding back from forming real friendships at work because we’re too busy trying to impress those around us. 

 

You Don’t Have to Rehearse Your Life

 

No more running lines of dialogue through your head to test it out before saying it! Imagine if you can just act naturally and even react naturally without having to ask yourself if you’re being too over-the-top. 

 

You Don’t Have to Play a Part

 

Too often, when we're looking for people to notice us, we wear a mask that we hide behind so no one can ever see our real selves. We try to be more put together, look like we're accomplishing more, and never mess up. These false personas can feel pretty oppressive, especially when things aren't going as well as you make them out to be. Rather than fake success, wouldn't it be nice to be your real self, as messy as it is sometimes?

 

You Don’t Have to Do Other People’s Work

 

How often have you said ‘yes’ to doing a favor for someone else because you were worried they wouldn’t like you or think well of you if you said ‘no’? Now imagine how much nicer it would be to pick and choose what you want to do instead.

 

Dropping the need for validation certainly changes things, doesn't it? So, consider these things the next time you think about fishing for a compliment or putting yourself out there to get attention. Try doing things your way instead and enjoy what happens next!

4 Ways to Let Go of Your Need to be Validated Once and For All

How sure are you of yourself?

 

It’s hard to feel confident all the time. Sometimes you really just need to know you're doing okay. Everything will be all right. However, reassuring yourself can be hard, especially when considering past history, which might have left behind unpleasant baggage. Isn't it just a whole lot easier to find validation from someone else?

 

Sure, you can. Validation is a fairly simple fix. Most people don’t mind handing out a compliment or two, especially if they know and like you already. The problem is this kind of validation is rarely satisfying. The effects never last near long enough. 

 

With this in mind, maybe it’s time to let go of validation once and for all. Instead, try embracing just how wonderful you are through these simple techniques:

 

Understand Your True Need

 

Just what are you really seeking out right now? For example, while you might be looking for a compliment on your new haircut, what you're really wanting to know is if you're attractive. Perhaps you're even hoping to catch the eye of someone special. 

 

Delve deep and ask the hard questions about what's behind your current need. Once you know this, see if you can discover a more satisfying solution to the problem. In this example, it might be better to remind yourself of what you like about yourself and what makes you outstanding already.

 

Step Back from Quicksand Be True to Yourself

 

The minute you start trying to please those around you to be liked, you're stepping into a miry wasteland. You'll soon discover you can never impress someone just once. You’ll always be trying to outdo yourself. Recognize when you’re falling into this trap and remind yourself it’s better to be liked for who you are, not how well you can fit someone else’s ridiculous standards.

 

Be True to Yourself

 

Being agreeable to what other people have to say is not only another way to be liked. It also compromises what you believe in. Take a pause now before speaking. Consider what you were about to say. Was this you talking or them? You might want to reconsider your words. It is better to be honest about how you feel, or if need be, stay silent rather than compromise your ideals.

 

Show Your Individuality

 

Finally, just be you. Speak your mind, be authentic, and step out in confidence. Quit second-guessing yourself and instead live harmoniously with your own beliefs. 

 

Remember: never compromise who you are for the sake of flattery or acceptance. Instead, look to yourself and see instead just how wonderful you already are.

5 Positive Traits You Develop When You Stop Seeking Validation

How would you like to be a better person?

 

If you spend time reading self-help articles, you probably think most change comes from doing something new. Today you’re going to try something different. Rather than starting a whole new regimen or adopting a new behavior, you’re going to develop five positive traits all by stopping something you’ve been doing all your life.

 

From the time we’re small, we learn validation feels good. We seek it out, looking for understanding, acceptance, and inner peace. We don't realize just how much this constant search for positive attention is holding us back. Consider these five things which happen when you stop looking outside yourself for validation:

 

You See a More Diverse World

 

Consider this: everyone really doesn’t have to agree with each other after all. Instead of seeking validation by going along with what those around you are thinking or doing, maybe you can set a new trend by expressing who you are. Encourage those around you to likewise speak up and be their own people. Imagine how much nicer the world would be if we all could do this!

 

You’re More Certain of Things

 

When we rely on other people to tell us if we’re doing things right or not, we can get mixed messages. Someone likes our work, while someone else might not. Now imagine this: if validation doesn’t matter, you know the only opinion which truly matters is yours. This certainly clears out the confusion!

 

You Take Better Care of Yourself

 

It's hard to put forward your needs when you're too busy seeing to the needs of others or rushing about trying to appease those around you. These are the traits that lead to overwork and exhaustion. When you quit seeking validation, you can step back when you need to and get proper rest. You'll also find it easier to express when you need a break or to get something to eat.

 

You Become a Calmer Person

 

There's certainly a lot less stress if you don't have to impress everyone around you all the time. With all the pressure off, you can relax into just being yourself.

 

You Exude Confidence

 

Finally, you don't need anyone else to inform you of your worth when you drop validation. You already know how amazing you are. When you carry this knowledge with you, you can't help but walk a little taller. This is you at your best, and the world knows it.

5 Common Public Speaking Mistakes

Even though most people don’t enjoy public speaking, there are strategies to doing it well. You don’t have to be a professional speaker to make an impact on your audience. One way to feel most comfortable speaking in front of others is to recognize and avoid these top 5 mistakes.

1. Memorizing or reading your entire presentation. 

 

Your audience came to hear you speak to them - not read or deliver a rote, memorized performance. Your responsibility is to communicate with your audience, not at them. By treating your audience as if you were having a conversation in your living room, you will find that you are much more comfortable and in better control of your nervousness. 

2. Not knowing your material.

 

If you are not familiar with your words or how your speech or presentation is meant to flow, then you are likely to make more errors. Making a mistake or two is not the issue - making a lot of them is! 

3. Speaking too fast.

 

Controlling your speed is extremely important if you expect your audience to be able to understand what you are saying. Listening to someone move at 100 mph takes much more energy than listening to them at 75! Incidentally, talking at a furious pace saps your energy as well. 

4. Staring at an object on the wall. 

 

You should not focus your attention on a spot on the wall or above the heads of your audience. Look the audience in the eye. Make that contact with your listeners, and you will then be aware of their reaction to you. Remember, public speaking is a form of communication. If you are not making eye contact, then you are not communicating. 

5. Running Out of Air.

 

Breathlessness on the podium is one of the most common mistakes made because many novice speakers do not think to breathe. If you wait until you are totally out of breath, you will then be required to inhale a huge amount of air in order to fill your lungs. In doing so, you will experience breathlessness and a tightness in your chest. My advice is to learn to breathe with the support of your diaphragm - truly the best means of controlling nervousness - and then practice supplementing your air supply before you are depleted. 

 

These 5 common mistakes can be easily rectified if you know your material, converse with your audience, learn how to control your speed, make eye contact with your listeners and remember to breathe.

8 Top Public Speaking Tips

So, you've got to give a speech in public? Once your stomach stops churning, here are some public speaking tips that should make your job easier. 

 

1. Outline your speech 

 

Write out what you are going to talk about. Your outline should cover all the points you want to make in your speech, in a reasonably logical order. 

 

2. Make notes 

 

One of the easiest ways is to use old-fashioned 3x5 index cards. Each one should have a bullet point on it that you can expand on. If you're using a PowerPoint slide show, then this should give you the basis for your notes. 

 

3. Practice your presentation 

 

Stand in front of a mirror and practice your speech. If you're likely to be embarrassed, do this while no one else is at home. Speaking out loud is a necessary part of this practice. Sure, it may be uncomfortable the first few times you try it, but you'll get better as you go along. Note where you stumble—this will help you decide where you need to change your speech slightly. 

 

4. Talk to one person 

 

It doesn't matter whether you're talking in a business meeting with one other person or addressing hundreds, or even thousands, of people. Talk as though you are talking face-to-face with one person. If you've got a large audience, focus on one person and talk to them. 

 

5. Stay away from humor 

 

Unless you're a renowned after dinner speaker, humor is best left out of your speech. Not everyone shares the same sense of humor so you’re likely to either fall flat (no one will laugh) or you’ll offend someone unintentionally. It’s safest to just avoid humor unless it’s spontaneous.

 

6. Don't fidget 

 

If you've got a podium then there's a natural place to put your hands. If you haven't, plan ahead of time what you’ll do with your hands so you don't fidget or gesture too much. Fidgeting makes you look nervous! 

 

7. If you stumble, carry on 

 

Most of your audience will be relieved that it's not them giving the speech. If you stumble, recover as fast as you can. Do your best not to get flustered and make sure you keep your place in your speech so you can recover from any glitches quickly. 

 

8. Keep it short 

 

Unless you've been told that you absolutely have to speak for a set amount of time, stick to the idea that less is more. Don't bore your audience. Ideally, they should be wanting more when you've finished your set speech. 

How to Craft the Ideal Elevator Speech

Networking is one of the key tools that can make the difference between a good career and a great career. Many people shy away from networking or fumble around when meeting new people because they don’t know what to say about themselves. They’re missing an opportunity to connect with the very people who need them! The secret is in crafting a short and powerful “elevator speech.”

 

The most effective elevator speeches are succinct, carefully-crafted messages that immediately tell someone why he or she needs to hire you. An elevator speech should tell the listener: 

 

1. What you do

 

Consider what you do. Then think about how you distinguish yourself from the other people in your niche and what makes you unique and memorable.

 

2. Who your target audience is

 

Visualize your ideal audience member. Think about what that person is lacking or what problems they have.

3. What need you fill

 

In this step, think about how you fill the need of that audience and what skills or talents you have that they need. 

4. What result you would like from this encounter

 

The last part of the elevator speech helps you to take this contact to the next level. What are you looking for? A meeting? A name of someone who can help you? A resource? Ask!

 

This type of elevator speech focuses on your target audience: what they lack, what they need and why you are the best person to solve their problems. This type of message is more likely to encourage your listener to talk to you, find out more about what you do, have another meeting and eventually hire you or refer you to someone who will hire you. 

 

Put these elements together using the following template: 

 

As a ____________________________________________________

                                  (Describe yourself) 

 

I help____________________________________________________ 

                                 (Your target audience) 

 

to _______________________________________________________

   (Describe the need that you fill for your target audience) 

 

so that they ________________________________________________

                                 (The benefits that they gain) 

 

Here's what I would love for us to do: ______________________________

                                                       (Your goal from this encounter) 

 

You can refine your Elevator Speech in a few ways: 

 

1. Change any long words or jargon into everyday language 

2. Cut out unnecessary words 

3. Finalize your speech by making sure it is no more than 90 words long (excluding the last part where you state your goal). 

 

Practice your speech so that you are comfortable with the message, and you feel authentic when saying it. Try it out in front of a mirror and then say it to your family and friends. 

4 Ways Introverts Can Enjoy More Social Confidence

We used the word "enjoy" in that title for a reason. Social confidence is important for building relationships. This is true of the introvert, the extrovert and the average person which is somewhere between those two personality extremes.

 

You can enjoy a much more successful career when you have powerful social skills. Your personal relationships benefit. The person who's confident when interacting with others has a high level of self-esteem. They enjoy a powerful self-belief that they are capable in social situations.

 

That's not to say that introverts don't have wonderful and rewarding lives. They simply have a view of their best life that's different from an extroverted person.

 

By the way, it's often believed that introverts despise interacting with people. That's almost never the case. It's simply that they would prefer to spend more time on their own. That's how they recharge their batteries. The extroverted person does the same thing by spending a lot of time with other people. Each of these individuals is different in many ways, and no one approach is worse or better than the other.

 

That having been said, introverts often want better skills at socializing. They understand they can improve some aspect of their life if they had more confidence when dealing with people. If this sounds like you, we're here to help. Here are 4 ways that have been proven to help introverts build confidence in social settings.

 

1. Don't Overdo It

 

Introverts can enjoy socializing just as much as introverts. In many cases they do. The difference is that the introverted person loses physical and mental energy from socializing too frequently or for too long. 

 

If you want to perform better in social situations, limit your exposure. Pick your battles. Don't try to drink from a fire hydrant. Plan short periods of time where you're going to expand your social skills over the next week or month. When you feel your energy starts to wane, return home or wherever it is you feel most comfortable recharging your batteries.

 

2. Prepare Ahead of Time

 

You might be an introvert that doesn't have much experience interacting with others. That's okay. You can learn how to socialize. Do some prep work before you know you're going to deal with others. 

 

Think of the conversation beforehand. What's the environment going to be like? Who's going to be there? This type of homework can help you succeed in social situations and become more confident and capable.

 

3. Remember … Rome Wasn't Built in a Day

 

The old saying that it took a long time to build one of the greatest civilizations in human history is important here. Big accomplishments don't happen overnight. If you are extremely introverted, work on one step at a time to become more of a social animal. 

 

Maybe the first thing you want to do is get comfortable leaving your house. You might leave your home and walk 100 feet down the road and then return home. If that's a big deal for you, give yourself a huge pat on the back!

 

You did great. Once you're comfortable leaving home, then strike up a conversation with a stranger. Take one small step at a time and before you know it you'll have walked a mile down the road to improving your social skills.

 

4. Look at Rejection like a Successful Salesperson

 

The best salespeople get excited when they hear, "No." They know that every rejection gets them closer to making their next sale. You can look at social rejection the same way. See the situation objectively. What can you learn? What did you do right? What did you do wrong? Take rejection or social failure as an opportunity to get better, and then move on.

 

Introverts aren't necessarily scared of people. They usually aren't. They just prefer to spend a minimal amount of time in the presence of others. If this is yo, and you want to build your social confidence, the tips we just shared with you can help. They make you feel more comfortable when interacting with people. You'll also be proud of yourself for stepping out of your comfort zone.

Become Socially Confident by Questioning Your Negative Thoughts

Confidence gives you the ability to trust in yourself. You understand that you're going to make some mistakes. You're going to fail. But you keep going. You're confident that you can create a positive outcome. You also understand that any failure is not a declaration of who you are as a person.

 

It's just a thing. It's just something that happened, nothing more. You learn from it and then move on.

 

When you lack confidence you don't usually have that powerful belief in yourself. You question your ability to do something. Before you know it, you're lacking confidence in several different activities or responsibilities. That's because when you start to lose confidence in some aspect of your life, it can be unfortunately contagious. Low self-confidence can spread to every corner of your life and have a powerfully negative impact.

 

One way people develop a lack of social confidence is by believing their nagging inner voice. 

 

You know the voice we're talking about. It's incessant, always there, and it never seems to have a positive point of view. The "what if" scenarios it paints doesn't make a pretty picture. The next time you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk, simply do this.

 

Ask yourself if the negative thought is absolutely true without a doubt.

 

Just because you have a thought doesn't make it true. Think about previous beliefs you had that you learned were incorrect. You may have been pretty sure you were thinking the right way. Then reality or a life experience taught you a valuable lesson. Your thoughts are sometimes wrong.

 

Questioning Negative Thoughts Takes Away Their Power

 

People prefer to have their experiences reaffirm their beliefs. This is why socially confident people often create positive social interactions. Their confidence leads them to a place where their ability to create a positive social outcome is greatly enhanced.

 

When you stick to negative social beliefs you do the same thing. You listen to your inner voice. It tells you that nothing but bad is going to come from some interaction with another person. You believe that thought without questioning it. 

 

This makes you nervous. You focus on a negative outcome so much that you virtually guarantee it's going to occur.

 

To keep this from happening, answer your inner voice. When it starts talking to you negatively about a social interaction, ask why it thinks that way. Challenge it to prove what it's saying without a shadow of a doubt. Then began to pick apart the negative thought.

 

Instead of asking yourself what could go wrong, ask yourself what could go right. Stop thinking the negative thought and realize there's a possibility for a wonderful and positive outcome. This is a proven way to become more socially confident and capable.