Showing posts with label Self-Discovery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self-Discovery. Show all posts

Saturday, 25 June 2022

7 Tips for Restoring Your Self-Worth After a Toxic Relationship


Well, that didn’t go right.

 

We walk into a relationship with so much enthusiasm. We think what we’ve found is the best thing in the world, which is a heady feeling for while it lasts. Sadly, when a relationship is toxic, we’re frequently the last to know. By the time we escape, our self-worth has already taken a hefty blow. 

 

So, how do you restore positive feelings about yourself after a toxic relationship?

 

Release Your Victimhood

 

The more you focus on what happened, the more you get stuck, so the sooner you can quit revisiting the past and dwelling on perceptions of ill treatment, the sooner you’re going to put all this behind you. This doesn’t mean to say this was your fault, but obsessing about the ‘shoulds’ and going back over every encounter is only going to hurt you regardless of whether you were in the right or not.

 

Drop the Blame

 

Was it your fault? Not. The sooner you can let go of any residual guilt or bad feelings about the relationship, the happier you’ll be. The next step should help.

 

Silence Their Voice 

 

The problem with toxic relationships is you tend to believe what the other person said about you, no matter how outlandish it seemed at the time. Now their voice is there, lurking in your head to remind you of all your so-called shortcomings at every opportunity—time to tell them to shut up once and for all.

 

Embrace the New You

 

Find joy in being single. Spoil yourself. Do that thing you always wanted to do. Take lessons, build your skill set as you build yourself up. Become your own best friend in a way that doesn’t require validation from any outside source.

 

Believe Your Friends 

 

You hear the compliments, but they’re going in one ear and out the other. Rather than brush off the nice things, people around you are saying, start listening. Listening until these words become a part of who you are.

 

Create Goals You Love

 

What would you like to do with your life? Too often, our goals reflect the needs and desires around us. Now is the time to reverse this. Accepting you are capable, and your goals are worth fighting for, what do YOU want to do? 

 

Affirmations

 

Work through the worst offenders of negative self-talk through positive affirmations. Take note of what you’re telling yourself. Rewrite the script and turn these statements around into affirmations that you read to yourself every day.

 

Remember, this is a process and is likely to take time. By reminding yourself of just how amazing you are, and focusing hard on these steps, eventually, you will start feeling the difference even if you don’t see it yet. Hang in there!

 


The 7 Keys for Improving Relationships

 

Human life is full of moments with people. These are people we build relationships with. And relationships aren’t just confined to people who are actually related to us—we can have a relationship with anyone we interact with. And it is because of this ubiquitous nature of human relationships that we constantly strive to improve them. In fact, when we are improving our relationships with people, we are actually improving ourselves. If we are looking for personal development, this is one of the most concrete ways to go about it.

 

Whatever the type of relationship may be, however simple or however complex, its enhancement basically boils down to the following simple keys.

 

Commitment

 

For your relationship to blossom, commitment is an important prerequisite. You have to commit to the other person in terms of your thoughts, your words, your expressions and you have to show it to them by investing time in them and putting in the right efforts to grow your relationship.

 

Freedom

 

You shouldn’t bind the people you are in a relationship with. Just as you want your freedom, the other person wants their freedom too. Respect that and you will find the relationship going forward.

 

Respect

 

You need to respect the other person’s feelings and emotions, likes and dislikes, wants and desires and so on. Respect them for what they are, for what they stand for and do not expect them to change for you.

 

Support

 

Being in a relationship means supporting each other. You have to help them in their aspirations and in their joys and sorrows. This will only get back to you—if you support the person you have a relationship with, they are going to support you too.

 

Equality

 

No one is higher than the other when they have a relationship. At least, you shouldn’t harbor such feelings in your mind. If you are connected with a person for some reason, then you need to think of them as equal to you. You need them just as much as they need you.

 

Resolving Conflicts

 

It is not that everything will be hunky-dory always in your relationship. There will be conflicts. You will argue; you will have alterations. But, when you are fostering a relationship with someone, it is essential that you resolve all these conflicts with them in a constructive manner, without demeaning each other and through fruitful discussion.

 

Trust

 

If you want the people you are in a relationship with to trust you, then you need to trust them first. Trust is the foundation on which a relationship is built.

 


Top 5 Relationship Killers that You Must Avoid

 

Relationships are made and broken all around us. At such times, we become apprehensive about our own relationships. We try to protect what we cherish the most. We try to look at ways and means how we can keep our relationship flame burning. However, at the same time, we don’t realize that there are things we may do that can destroy a beautiful relationship. Actually speaking, it is these things—which are mostly behavioral traits—that we need to avoid.

 

Possessiveness

 

It is good to be a little possessive about your partner, but if you are too possessive, then it can only backfire. You shouldn’t, for example, hog all of their free time. You shouldn’t be jealous of the other people they move around with. Give them their life to live; if you are confident about them, you will always remain the most important person in their life.

 

Restrictions

 

Too often, in a relationship, we tend to make people act in the way we want them to act. We tell them to avoid doing certain things they like and do certain things they detest. This is restrictive behavior. If you put yourself in their place, you will find that this kind of behavior can be stifling. A time may come when your partner eventually snaps and walks out.

 

Asking for Change

 

You need to realize that your partner is a different person. They have been brought up in a different way from you and they have a personality that is different from yours. You shouldn’t want them to become like you; it is best if they remain the person they were when you first decided to have a relationship with them. Even if your partner is willing to change, it will be unacceptable to them as well as you.

 

Complacency

 

When you are in a relationship, you have certain obligations. You need to do a few special things keeping your partner in mind. It is not just about remembering their birthday and showering them with gifts, but you also have to give them a good ear when they want it, a shoulder to cry on when they are looking for one and a motivational word when they need it. You cannot let your relationship grow all by itself; it won’t.

 

Competition

 

Even within the staunchest of relationships, there is always an element of skepticism. You shouldn’t do anything to aggravate that feeling. For example, it is best not to be too friendly to other people if your partner is feeling threatened by them. Casual banter is all right, but you need to draw the line with your other people when you are in a relationship with someone.



Monday, 6 June 2022

Don't Let Disagreement Ruin a Relationship


Relationships are never easy, and, likely, you and your partner don't agree on everything under the sun. This is natural, and every couple deals with this. However, you want to be careful not to let disagreements ruin your relationship. So, what is the best way to keep this from happening? 

 

Don’t Avoid Arguments

 

When you know you and your partner don't agree on something, it can sometimes seem like a good idea to avoid the argument completely. For example, your partner will ask if something is okay with you and because you don't want to upset them with an argument - you lie and say you are feeling fine. This lying is not the solution because now your partner has false information about the relationship that they may use to make future decisions. These decisions will only cause future problems rather than just answering honestly and resolving the issue right now.

 

Never Let Your Agreements Get Personal

 

You've seen it in a million TV shows, the couple is arguing over who needs to do the dishes, and then one of the parties brings up an unrelated incident that happened months before that they are still upset about. Getting too personal transforms the argument into an attack of the person's character and makes it much worse than just the incident at hand. When this happens in an argument with your partner, you must realize that this is no longer a constructive argument and needs to end before someone's feelings are hurt. 

 

Agree to Disagree

 

Suppose you notice that an argument between you and your partner is beginning to escalate to the point where someone could say something that hurts the other person's feelings or could damage the relationship permanently. In that case, it's time to agree to disagree. 

 

Despite what people may think, agreeing to disagree is a resolution to an argument. And by employing it in an argument you are having with your partner, it is the same as saying you respect their opinion, but you will never see the same way, so you respect them enough to stop arguing before someone gets hurt. 

 

Overall, it can be difficult not to let a disagreement ruin a relationship. But if it’s a relationship worth fighting for, then always remember not to avoid arguments, don’t let them ever get personal, and agree to disagree if you come to a point where there is no other resolution to the argument at hand. 

 


How Can I Be More Supportive To My Friends?


Sometimes it can be difficult as an adult to know how to support your friends. And honestly, there is no one way for you to support all of your friends. The support you should show to your friends will vary widely on their personality and their unique situation. Below are some of the most common ways you can show support to your loved ones. 

 

Make Time For Them

 

As humans grow and change, they tend to have less and less time for their friends. This is why, when you make time for your friends, it shows that you truly do love and support them. This doesn’t mean you have to clear your calendar, but maybe you invite friends along to certain activities or cancel that one thing you don’t need to do so you and a friend can grab a quick coffee after work. 

 

Listen

 

You’ve heard it time and time again, but listening is truly the best way to support anyone who may be in your life. Humans need to let go of their emotions through communication. And sometimes, just listening is enough to make the person who is venting feel supported in their endeavors. 

 

Push Them And Celebrate Their Achievements

 

Whatever your friend may be pursuing, if they confide in you that they need your help, now is the time for you to give them a little push! Maybe they are tired and don’t want to go to the gym. You could offer to go with them or help remind them of a goal they made. And when they get out of bed and complete the task they felt they couldn’t do, you should be celebrating this achievement with them. You may be surprised at how far a simple “good job” can go! And if they conquer a big goal, you should make an effort and offer to celebrate with them! After all, a true friend is ecstatic when their friends may big steps in life!

 

As you age, it can become increasingly difficult to know how to support your friends. But don’t fret, as long as you make time for them, listen, and then help push them towards their accomplishments, this will help them feel supported! And if they accomplish something big, you should be just as happy for them as you would be for yourself, as this will truly show your support for all of their endeavors in life. 



5 Steps To Defeat Perfectionism Once and For All


We all have moments where we fall into perfectionism. For some of us, this might happen kind of often. For others, it's reserved for those special occasions where we have a project where we can't rest until we get it right.

 

While occasional super-attention-to-detail is okay, it’s when we make perfectionism a way of life where it becomes a problem. Those are the times where we finally need to take charge of our lives and learn how to let go.



Try this:

 

Start at the Core

 

Why are you so wrapped up in perfectionism? Are you truly trying to become a better person somehow, or are you just trying to impress someone else or meet expectations from those around you? Neither of these reasons is very healthy, and both need to be addressed.

 

Drop the “Should”

 

The moment you start using this word in a conversation, especially regarding your action, you're already driving yourself crazy. Remind yourself you don’t need validation from anyone. You’re good just by being you.

 

Rewrite the Script

 

What are you telling yourself as you throw yourself into perfectionism? Do you think this is the path to success? Or do you have other unrealistic expectations of the outcome? Here's where you switch up your self-talk to get out of any negative spaces and unrealistic outcomes.

 

Drop the Comparisons

 

Speaking of self-talk, just who are you holding up as role models? Has this too become unhealthy, going from "I want to be more like them" to "Why can't I have everything they do?” Wouldn’t it feel better to celebrate where you are right now and all the effort you’ve been putting into things?

 

Show Some Mercy

 

Perfection never allows for excuses. If you can't succeed, you're automatically a failure. By chasing imperfection, you learn the value of self-forgiveness and the ability to let go of your mistakes in favor of embracing the lessons you can learn from them.

 

You wouldn’t think these steps are all so very important at first glance. After all, is chasing imperfection worthwhile?

 

The answer is a resounding, "Yes!" Perfection is what pulls us away from others and gets us so tangled up inside with worry and stress about getting things right; we negatively impact our mental and physical health. 

 

With this in mind, isn’t it time to let go and enjoy life once and for all?

 


5 Things I Learned From Overcoming Conflict


Conflicts are a normal part of life and they tend to happen in virtually every setting. Oftentimes, we avoid conflicts because they make us tense and anxious.

 

They bring up a lot of self-doubt and discomfort, which typically results in raised voices, increased heart rate, and saying things we don’t really mean.

 

Even worse, it leads to feelings getting hurt and, sometimes, to relationships being destroyed. No wonder we hate conflicts!

 

That’s why learning how to resolve conflicts peacefully can be life-changing. In fact, the more we expose ourselves to conflicts, the better we handle any situation, which helps us become more resilient.

 

So, to help you address conflicts the right way, here are five things I learned from overcoming conflict.

 

Teaches Us to Respect Other Viewpoints

 

The reason there’s a conflict in the first person is that there are two opposing viewpoints. But most times neither side gets heard properly, which leads to an altercation, even escalating to major problems.

 

This is why negotiations are so important, even if you’re confronting a loved one. It shows that we’re willing to be flexible and more open to accept the other person’s opinions.

 

That doesn’t mean you have to agree with them. It just means you have to be willing to learn how to be prepared to accept them and move on.

 

Gives Us a Chance to Verbalize Our Needs

 

People often take for granted who we are as individuals, even those closest to us. This stems from our lack of verbalizing what it is we want or need.

 

So, we carry grudges and bottle everything inside until we can’t take it anymore. That’s when conflicts arise.

 

The best thing you can do for yourself is to look at conflicts as an opportunity. It gives you the chance to voice your opinions and share your feelings. As a result, you become less fearful of asking for what you need.

 

Improves Our Communication Skills

 

Being a good communicator requires patience and self-control. As with most things in life, the more you practice good communication skills, the better you become.

 

And the best way to practice is through confrontations, no matter how hard they may seem. Yet, you have to look beyond the fear and be willing to share our thoughts and feelings in a calm, collected way.

 

You’ll quickly realize that the right words just flow out. So, when the need arises, you can prepare for what lies ahead.

 

Makes Us Better Listeners

 

The key to overcoming conflicts is to be a better listener. Many times we're so focused on what we’re going to say next that we don’t really pay attention to what the other person is saying.

 

That’s not the way to successfully win an argument or resolve a conflict.

 

To do that, you have to learn how to do things. First, you have to control your impulse to react and blurt out things haphazardly.

 

The second thing is to learn how to actively listen when someone talks to you. It’s through listening that you can gain a better understanding of the speaker, which enables you to make smarter, wiser choices.

 

Opens Our Eyes to New Ideas

 

One of the ways conflicts can be a useful tool is by allowing you to fine-tune your opinions and ideas. As different thoughts are expressed, how you look at things changes slightly.

 

When you hear someone talking about their viewpoint with regards to a certain topic, you can’t help but clarify your own. You either start modifying your opinion, or you become even more convinced of yours.

 

A third option is to take part of your ideas and part of theirs and come up with a whole new concept!

 

That’s the beauty of conflicts. They allow you to generate new ideas and mold new perspectives.

 

Then, when you realize there are more similarities than differences, you forge a bond. This bond leads the way to establishing trust and enhancing networking. Case in point, it just makes both sides better human beings.

 


How Loving Your Life Makes Everything Better


The key to making your life work the way you want it lies in the power of your thoughts and emotions. Combined, they help create your reality.

 

This means that when you choose to be positive and love your life, it’ll love you right back. Deciding to be happy makes you better at handling challenging situations. It helps you build inner strength, resilience, and a sense of inner peace.

 

We rounded up five ways to show how loving your life makes everything better. Take a look.

 

You Feel More Authentic

 

When you start loving your life, you feel this calm flowing around you. Gone are the days of being anxious and on edge because you lived on someone else’s terms.

 

People who live their life this way enjoy more freedom and empowerment than they’ve ever felt before. The reason?

 

They’re doing the things that allow them to find their authentic self. It’s also knowing the little things that bring joy to your everyday life. This can be as simple as taking a few minutes each day to read a book or do some mindfulness meditation.

 

It can also be more substantial, like volunteering or learning a new language. Whatever it is, make sure it makes you love life and brings out your true self.

 

You Stop Pleasing People

 

One of the things that can quickly rid your life of happiness is trying to be a people-pleaser. Whether it’s your partner, friend, or loved ones, trying to please everyone is taxing and takes its toll on our physical and mental health.

 

We sometimes get so used to pleasing others that we even do it with random strangers!

 

It may sound like a good thing from the outside. But it prevents us from being our true selves because we’re always worried about what others think about us.

 

Yet, this doesn’t mean you take other people for granted or don’t consider what they have to say. But it’s all about finding the right balance. Just make sure you don’t sacrifice your peace of mind for the sake of theirs.

 

You’re Content with the ‘Right Now’

 

If you’re not happy with your present moment, then nothing will ever be good enough for you. You probably think that buying that big house or shiny car is enough to make you happy and satisfied. But that’s just seeing the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

 

Then, when you finally end up on the other side, you’re not as happy as you thought you’d be. Because you haven't perfected the fine art of fulfillment, you’ll soon find things that are wrong with that as well.

 

Instead, you have to take actionable steps toward appreciating your present just as it is. That’s the first step in loving your life.

 

Sure, it’s okay to dream and set goals, and work hard to achieve them. But just always be grateful for what you have today.

 

You Get Better At Handling Life’s Curveballs

 

Many of us don’t like change. It makes us anxious, afraid, and in a state of panic.

Yet, one of life’s constants is change. It’s an inevitable part of life as we know it.

 

So, we have to live with the fact that there will always be changes in our lives. One way we can accept this fact is by embracing change and seeing it as a good thing.

 

Not all change is bad. Some of it brings exciting events into our lives and gets us to meet new people that become lifelong friends.

 

Still, we’d be remiss not to mention that there will be changes that you don’t like. Life doesn’t always go your way. But, instead of freaking out, take this opportunity to learn and grow from it.

 

You Realize That Perfection Is Overrated

 

No one is, nor ever will be, perfect, not even those airbrushed models. Yet, sometimes, it’s easy to let yourself go down the path of doubting yourself. Questioning yourself and your choices is normal, but it should never go as far as to make you doubt your self-worth.

 

So, the first step is to stop comparing yourself to others. Once you learn how to do that, you can stop striving for perfection.

 

You’ll look at your life in a whole new way, and you learn how to embrace your mistakes, imperfections, and all. In fact, it’s these imperfect moments that help you grow and learn.

 


Stop Chasing Happiness, Find Fulfillment Instead


From an early age, we’re led to believe that nothing is more satisfying than finding happiness. But happiness is so elusive and intangible.

 

Plus, happiness is different for everyone, so how do you know when you find it? And is there something out there that can make you feel even better than happiness?

 

Yes! It’s called having a sense of fulfillment. Yet, what is that exactly, and how do you get it? That’s what we’re here today to find out.

 

So, keep reading to learn how you can stop chasing happiness to find fulfillment instead.

 

Happiness vs. Fulfillment

 

Take a look at this quick overview of happiness vs. fulfillment.

 

Happiness

 

Happiness includes feelings like contentment, excitement, and joy. But they’re all temporary.

 

Sure, it feels nice while it lasts, but other emotions take over, like anger, fear, and anxiety.

 

The trap many of us fall into is that we believe we’ll reach our point of happiness when we achieve certain things in our lives.

 

We say things like, “If I buy that shiny, red car, I’ll be happy.” or “Once I have my own house, I’ll finally be happy.”

 

Of course, you’ll be happy! But that happiness can only last so much. After that, reality sets in, especially when the bills start coming in.

 

Another problem with happiness is that we often view it in terms of other people. So we compare our lives to theirs, which is never a good idea.

 

No one knows what’s going on in other people's lives. So it’s not fair to compare only the good parts. It sends you on a loop of perpetual disappointment. The only person you should compare yourself to is you.

 

Fulfillment

 

When you pursue the things that really matter to you, you bring fulfillment into your life. Fulfillment is when you take actionable steps towards the things you value. Part of it is also achieving goals that were set up based on these core values.

 

Living your life with a consistent set of values allows you to have integrity towards who you truly are. It also allows you more control over your emotions and thoughts.

 

This makes it possible to bring the locus of control inward. Thus, you feel stronger and more empowered.

 

The bottom line is that happiness is dependent on external factors. Many of these factors are material and likely to change at any moment.

 

Fulfillment, on the other hand, is internally driven. You’re the one who determines what means more to you, and then by going after it, you elevate the levels of fulfillment in your life.

 

How To Find Fulfillment

 

You can find fulfillment in many ways. But you have to choose to see it in every experience and situation in your life, especially those that don’t go your way.

 

It sounds more challenging than it really is, but it’s actually relatively easy once you know what you’re doing. And it’s way more rewarding and empowering than chasing the ever-fleeting feeling of happiness.

 

Here are some ways to find fulfillment and bring meaning to your life.

 

Know Thyself

 

The great philosopher, Socrates, said, “Know Thyself” to encourage his students to look inward when searching for the meaning of life. So then, when you know your true nature, you can find fulfillment because you know your true self-worth.

 

You can do that by thinking of a moment when you felt most fulfilled. What about that specific event made you feel this way?

 

The more you know about yourself, the more fulfillment you’ll find in life. Remember, fulfillment isn’t about having a nice house or the latest fashion. It’s much deeper than that and much more nuanced.

 

It just takes a bit of soul searching.

 

Help Others

 

Helping others is one of the best ways to fill your life with fulfillment. You feel good by volunteering your time or money to help someone in need.

 

The science behind it is that helping others boosts the release of ‘feel-good’ chemicals in our brains. Some of these include hormones, such as dopamine and serotonin.

 

So, whether you’re helping a friend move or helping out at a local soup kitchen, you’re bringing joy and ease into other people’s lives. Not only that, but you’re also making yourself feel more fulfilled.

 

Create Connections

 

Surrounding yourself with a healthy, supportive social circle allows you to feel connected to something. In addition, being part of something fosters a sense of fulfillment in your life.

 

You have people you can talk to anytime you feel sad or stressed out. Consequently, you don’t suffer from any feelings of isolation, disconnection, or separation.

 

Be Grateful

 

Having a sense of gratitude can help you see the purpose in life and feel like you’re connected to a greater good. Gratitude also boosts your overall health and encourages positive emotions, which can come in handy when you’re going through a tough time.

 

It also motivates you to strive for more. Yet, when there’s a setback, you focus more on what you have and what you’ve accomplished rather than wallowing in your losses.

 

Being thankful each day can help you overcome difficult times and give you the support you need to get back up and keep trying to reach your potential.

 

Keep in mind that if you’re not okay with what you don’t have, you’ll never appreciate what you do have.