5 Signs You Might Be a People Pleaser

Has someone told you that you are a people pleaser? It might be true, but it's a good idea to get a second opinion if you aren't sure. Below are 5 signs that you might be a people pleaser - consider these to be your "second opinion." 

 

1. You Can’t Say No

 

Your friend has asked you for a favor for the 10^th time. Your boss just asked you to stay late again. Both of your divorced parents want to see you for the holidays. A people-pleaser says yes to all of these people because they can't seem to say no to anyone.

 

Not saying no means you are definitely a people pleaser, especially when you say yes to things that you know aren't going to work out. 

 

2. You Constantly Wonder What Others Think

 

Are you always worried that your friends might hate you? Or that your significant other doesn't see you in the way you want them to see you? These anxious thoughts are a sure sign of people-pleasing behavior. Thoughts like these cause you to please others before taking care of yourself.

 

3. You Feel You Never Have You Time

 

Self-care is important, and most people-pleasers find they simply don't have the time. Mostly because they are too busy saying yes to everyone else. Take a look at your schedule. Do you have time penciled in just for you? If not, you're probably a people pleaser. 

 

4. You Feel Bad Saying No

 

Okay, so maybe you can say no, and you have before. However, did you feel bad or guilty when you said it? You have every right to say no, and you shouldn't feel bad doing it. If you do, this is another sign that you are a people-pleaser. 

 

5. You Constantly Apologize

 

Are you always apologizing for everything, even stuff that may not be your fault? This isn't healthy and means that you are probably a people-pleaser. People-pleasers want people to like them no matter what, which can lead to them apologizing for things they didn't just to make sure they stay in the person's good graces. 

 

Did you find that three or more of these things described you and how you feel? If so, you are likely a people pleaser. If you don't want to damage your own health pleasing others, it's definitely time to accept that you are a people pleaser and begin looking for help to overcome your people-pleasing ways. 

 

How Can I Stop Being a People Pleaser?

Have you recently come to realize that you are a people pleaser? Don't worry. This is a common revelation. But now that you've realized you are a people pleaser, it's time to stop being one for your own health and sanity. 

 

Below are some ways you can learn to stop being a people pleaser. 

 

Set Boundaries

 

The most important step to stopping your people-pleasing ways is to establish boundaries in your relationships. Of course, different relationships will have different boundaries, but they need to be there regardless. For example, if your significant other asks you to do something extra because they have a busy week ahead, this might be okay, but if your friend does this all the time, it might be time to draw the line. 

 

Take Small Steps

 

Chances are, you aren't going to stop being a people pleaser overnight. Being a people pleaser has probably been ingrained in your mind since you were young. Therefore, you should start small instead of changing everything at once. To begin with, you can set some simple boundaries that shouldn't offend anyone. For example, let someone know you aren't available during work hours. 

 

Set Goals For Yourself

 

It's important, as you stop being a people pleaser, that you have a clear direction for yourself to stop from sliding back into your people-pleasing ways. You should make goals of who you want to devote your time to and what you want to accomplish in life. It is common for people-pleasers to feel as if they need to please their parents to the point where they neglect their romantic relationships. If this sounds like you, your goal should be to devote more of your time to your significant other and less to your parents. 

 

Engage in Positive Self-Talk

 

People pleasers feel good about themselves when they do something nice for someone else, and as you leave your people-pleasing ways, you will likely be missing this positive reinforcement. This is why you need to create it for yourself. Every time you establish a boundary and keep it, tell yourself you did a good job and that you are doing something good for yourself—because it may not feel as good as people-pleasing does at first.

 

Overall, the road to leaving your people-pleasing ways isn't going to be without struggle. But if you use the above tips, you'll find that you are actually enjoying doing something for yourself rather than people-pleasing all the time. Before you know it, your people-pleasing days will be nothing but a distant memory. 

 

This Prime Minister Understood You Don't Have To Be Liked to Get the Job Done

Margaret Thatcher became Britain's Prime Minister after winning the general election in 1979. She was the first woman to lead one of the major political parties in the United Kingdom. Previous economic troubles saw her take leadership in the middle of a recession.

 

Unemployment was rising dramatically. The British people weren't happy. Nevertheless, Thatcher didn't try to appease everyone by being popular. Instead, she took dramatic steps that didn't make many people happy with her.

 

Even so, she stuck by her guns. To say that she was unpopular at the beginning of her reign as Prime Minister is an understatement. The IRA tried to assassinate her in 1984. When someone tries to kill you, that's pretty much the height of unpopularity.

 

Nevertheless, she was so successful in turning around the economy that she served three consecutive terms. She enjoyed landslide reelections twice and is one of the most popular PMs in recent memory.

 

Nevertheless, she had this lesson to teach us about needing people to like us.

 

"If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing."

 

The best leaders are often well-liked. People respect their power and their achievements. When great leaders produce the results their followers are looking for, it's natural for them to enjoy popularity.

 

That's not to say that leaders should develop a dependence on being popular.

 

Margaret Thatcher understood this. She saw the inherent problem that can develop when approval becomes more important than delivering results.

 

You Don't Have To Be a Leader to Learn from This Lesson

 

You're probably not a politician. Very few people are. Maybe you don't long to become Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. It doesn't matter if you never throw your hat into the political arena. The lesson here is still relevant for so many of us.

 

If you want to accomplish anything, you can't worry if your actions will be popular or not. If you want to be popular, put everyone else first and worry about yourself last.

 

While helping others is an admirable character trait, you have to be careful. If you're doing it for people to like you, that's the wrong reason. Human beings can be rather fickle, which means your popularity can disappear quickly. 

 

No matter what you're trying to accomplish in your life, do it for the right reasons. It's easier to create the results you're looking for when you keep your eyes focused on the game plan rather than worrying about being popular.

7 Reasons Why You Don’t Set Boundaries and How to Start

You’ve gotten roped into staying late at work. Again. Or you’ve committed to something that you didn't want to but felt you had to. Now you’re beating yourself up because you know you should have better boundaries, but you don’t seem to understand how to form them. What do you do?

 

First, you need to realize that having problems setting boundaries is normal. We have a lot of reasons why we don’t like setting boundaries:

 

1. Fear. The number one reason we don’t do anything is generally fear. When you don’t know what the outcome is going to be when you first set that boundary, it’s bound to be terrifying.

 

2. It would be selfish. After all, why should your needs come before anyone else’s?

 

3. Taking care of yourself is unusual. This point is an extension of the last one. Not only is self-care selfish, but it would take time and resources from caring for others. Forgetting of course, that we can’t take care of anyone if we don’t take care of ourselves first.

 

4. Someone’s going to get mad at you. Which of course will lead to conflict and maybe even a confrontation. You might find yourself thinking that setting a boundary in these situations is just not worth it. 

 

5. Doing it the other way is a habit. It might be that you’re used to being asked to stay late at work – every day. Now it’s a habit to stay. The problem is, habits are hard to break, which means setting that boundary doesn’t just involve putting your foot down but changing an entire way of thinking. 

 

6. There’s a price to pay for saying ‘no.’ If other people trample over your needs to get their own needs met, then when you do say no, you know there’s going to be a negative repercussion. And who needs that kind of commotion in your life?

 

7. It’s not all that important anyway. Is it? That has more to do with self-esteem than anything. And yes, your boundaries are just that important.

 

So how do you go about setting boundaries when that’s unusual for you?

 

• Start by asking for what you want – and be specific.

• Be open to compromise.

• Have an exit strategy if they say ‘no.’ What will you accept?

• Be ready emotionally for a negative response. Not everything will be a ‘yes.’

• Don’t take rejection personally.  

 

Boundaries don’t have to be terrifying. Understanding why you don’t set them is the first step toward establishing positive change. When you use what you know to set solid boundaries for yourself, you will discover peace and happiness that you never knew was even possible.

The Power of No: Setting Boundaries for a Healthier You

“No is a complete sentence.”- Annie Lamott

Many of us people pleasers find it difficult to say no and establish boundaries. This often leads to us over-extending ourselves to others and feeling resentful when our boundaries are constantly crossed. But how can we expect others to respect our boundaries when we aren’t even communicating properly and saying no?

Learning how to say ‘no’ and set firm yet healthy boundaries is the key to mental peace and maintaining healthy relationships with others. Having loose boundaries and not being able to say no often leads to us feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. 

Understandably, we all want to be liked by others, but people-pleasing is not the way to go. It just allows others to walk all over us continuously. 

The Importance of Setting Boundaries

While it can be challenging to set boundaries with difficult people, it is important and the key to forming healthy relationships and taking care of your well-being. Saying no to things that do not serve you or you simply do not have the time for can help you focus on yourself and your priorities. It can enable you to create a balance in all aspects of your life. 

For example, if your boss asks you to come in and work on the weekends or expects you to work overtime late at night, it is important to set firm boundaries with your work, learn to say no respectfully, and create a work-life balance for your well-being. This helps you avoid any undue stress and helps you focus on other things in your life that might give you purpose or energize you like your family or hobbies. 

Healthy boundaries can free you from unrealistic expectations from others and the resentments that come with them. They can help you avoid conflicts in relationships. Setting healthy boundaries with your partner, friends, kids, or any other relationship you may have in your life can allow you to nurture these relationships, conserve energy, and save you from a lot of drama and toxicity. 

How to Set and Maintain Healthy Boundaries 

1. Find Your ‘Why’

 

Reflect on the reason you want to set a boundary. Perhaps something in your relationship or friendship is making you resentful and uncomfortable and you want to set a boundary with your friend to preserve your mental and emotional well-being. 

Start small. 

Start slowly and set a few boundaries initially and build them up slowly. Don’t go to an extreme level and set up rigid and unhealthy boundaries that you will not be able to maintain in the long run. Go at your own comfortable pace and make changes as needed. 

2. Set Boundaries Early On

Consider setting boundaries early on in a relationship as it can be hard to start putting boundaries around pre-existing relationships. For example, you could set boundaries early on with in-laws when you get engaged or married. This way you set expectations to be a certain way from the beginning avoiding any confusion or hurt in relationships. 

3. Stay Firm and Consistent

When setting boundaries, it is important to not let them slide as it will make people not take you seriously and just add to the confusion. Staying firm can help reinforce your boundaries. 

4. Communicate When Your Boundaries are Crossed

Confidently communicate when someone disrespects and crosses your boundaries continuously. You can communicate assertively and effectively without sounding aggressive or confrontational and still assert your boundaries. 

For example, if someone keeps calling you late at night repeatedly you could say something like, “I can see you want to get a hold of me, but the best thing would be to text me, and I will get back to you when I have the time in the morning.” This assertively highlights their behavior and sets and maintains your boundaries.

Setting boundaries and saying no to things that do not serve you can be an empowering experience and help you maintain great relationships. While setting your boundaries, it is also important to recognize the boundaries of other people and respect them just as you would expect them to respect yours. 

Try not to violate the boundaries of other people as it can cause resentment and contempt to build them which leads to toxicity in relationships and people withdrawing from others who may cross their boundaries. 

It is possible to set boundaries without being aggressive, confrontational, or upsetting people. Don’t feel guilty about setting boundaries and take it as an act of self-care and something crucial to your overall well-being. 

5 Ways to Reinvent Yourself When You’re Stuck in Life

If you’re like most people, you may have done more in your career and life than you ever dreamed of doing. Your life changes when you do such things and will continue to change as long as you keep your mind open to reinventing yourself.

 

Change is an amazing thing for humans! You must keep pushing yourself. Don’t sit back and revel in what you have accomplished, and then be the same person you were when you were younger. You must continue to grow and evolve in order to have a life that is interesting and dynamic. 

 

Here are 5 ways that you can reinvent yourself when you are stuck in a rut in your life.

 

1. Redirecting Your Life

 

This redirection can be perceived as a setting of goals or visualization. As you ponder the difficulties you have overcome in the past year, you can begin moving forward and looking at the new, bright year ahead. Start each year with positivity and hopefulness. 

 

Be sure to write down your goals, so they will be more easily visualized and seen in real time. After you write down your goals, break them into mini goals. Those are easier to track one day at a time. Redirecting yourself through setting goals will help you to achieve them, albeit not immediately. 

 

2. Making a Bucket List

 

When you’re stuck in a rut in your life, take some time and imagine what your work and personal life could look like. Ask yourself questions and write the answers down. Writing the answers down is a simple act that brings forth forward momentum and clarity, making it easier to fulfill your aspirations and your purpose in life. Take the time to imagine your life as it can be and follow the directions to take you to that life. 

 

3. Starting Small Makes Big Changes Achievable

 

Starting small is the best way to make big changes in your life. The smaller changes make it easier for you to stick with your changes in the long run. If you’re trying to accomplish too much at once, the changes may not be sustained, and you’ll feel overwhelmed. Remember:

 

• Drastic life shifts are always intimidating.

• Starting small makes them less scary.

• Take one small step at a time.

 

Something as small as starting your morning routine 30 minutes earlier can be one simple step. That way, your body will become accustomed to changes you make. 

 

4. Cultivating Presence

 

It may seem that you’re told you need to do more, rather than being more. If you follow that order, you may begin to function just on autopilot. Switch off that autopilot by using mindfulness techniques. This will be helpful in rerouting your thinking. You will not worry about the past or the future as much, so you can become rooted in the present. 

 

You can also take a step back to make your decisions from a calm, clear place, rather than making them amid chaos and being always busy. 

 

5. Identifying Areas of Your Life You Want to Change

 

Reinventing yourself can be accomplished in part by identifying the areas of your life that you’d like to change. Explore just what you want to change. You may often view transformations as “before and after” or “black and white.” 

 

However, changing even small areas of your daily life may have a wonderful ripple effect. Holistically assess your life and look at each area, before identifying those you want to change. 

 

Conclusion

 

It only takes one skill, one bit of information or one thought to begin reinventing yourself when you’re stuck in life. The power is always within you. It just needs to be unlocked. Once you have unlocked the power using the steps above, you’ll see endless possibilities for your future. Start creating and living the life you most desire. 

 

References

 

https://carenmerrick.com/how-to-reinvent-yourself-regardless-of-age-or-circumstance/

 

https://thecreativeindependent.com/guides/how-to-reinvent-yourself/

 

https://psychcentral.com/blog/feeling-stuck-in-life-tips-to-move-forward#when-to-seek-help

 

5 Powerful Signs You’re on The Right Path in Life

Do you sometimes wonder if you’re on the right path in life? It’s commonly asked by many people, and that’s understandable. Life is a journey, after all, and sometimes you need to check to be sure you’re heading in the right direction. 

 

There are some signs that will indicate that you are, in fact, heading where you wish to go. In this article, we will explore 5 powerful signs that you are on the right path in life. 

 

1. You’re Pursuing What You Love

 

Is your time spent doing things that really matter to you? Perhaps it’s your hobby, your job, or just something pursued in your idle time. If you are passionate about the things you do, and they make you happy, that’s a powerful sign that you are on the right path. 

 

Life isn’t just about working hard to make more money. It’s about finding satisfaction and joy in what you do. So, if your job or hobby brings your heart happiness and brightens your day, keep on that path. It means you’re thriving, rather than simply surviving. 

 

2. You’re Surrounded by Positive Influences

 

Look around you, right where you stand:

 

• Do you see hope?

• How about positivity?

• Do the people around you inspire you and lift you up?

 

If you answered “yes: to these questions, you’re on the right path in life. It takes time to fully understand it, but the people with whom you surround yourself play a crucial role in determining your life’s direction. 

 

Energy can be quite contagious, as can support. So, if you find yourself surrounded by negative people who drag you down, find some new friends. 

 

3. You Overcome Obstacles in Your Way

 

Being on the correct path in life does not mean everything magically and automatically falls into place all the time. When you see obstacles in front of you, come up with creative, innovative ways to work around them or overcome them. 

 

Consider a situation that is the opposite: Have you ever had a failing relationship or a thankless job that you felt was time to leave? Think about the inspiration you would feel if a wonderful opportunity presented itself right then and there, to make an escape. 

 

If you’re on your right path, obstacles won’t be anything more than small bumps in an overall smooth road. Giving up should not be an option. 

 

4. You Give Back to Others

 

Although your personal destiny is a single path, it isn’t solitary. You’ve probably had mentors in your life, and there will be more, as you continue life’s voyage. These people reach out to you, sharing their resources and knowledge. To honor their example, you can learn to give the same to others, still trying to find their way. 

 

Whether you tutor students after school or volunteer in a community food pantry, you are making a difference. This cycle of giving and receiving makes us all better people. 

 

5. You Learn Something New Every Day

 

You’ll never feel old if you put new information in your brain every day. You should end your day a bit wiser than when you awoke that morning. 

 

Some ways to learn something new:

 

• Socialize with others like coworkers or friends.

• Sign up for a class at a local college or trade school.

• Visit museums in your city.

• Read informational pages or articles. 

• Play word games or number games.

• Expand your vocabulary, even if it’s just one word a day.

• Learn a new language.

 

Conclusion

 

Deciding what path to take in life and determining if it’s right for you are things only you may determine. There isn’t just one path for each person, since many roads cross or lead the same way. 

 

Direction and circumstances may change during your journey, and nothing says you have to stay locked into one specific course. It is important to remember that if you are questioning whether a path is right for you, it may indicate that you need to change your path.