Knowing When to Take a Stand (and When Not to)

Getting involved in petty arguments will get you nowhere. It's a great way to stifle creativity and kill productivity. You see it happen in business meetings all the time.

 

One person pitches a certain approach. Someone else argues against that particular idea. Maybe a third person gets involved. An hour or more can be spent monopolizing the time of everyone in the room and little progress is made.

 

Sometimes this is the way you come up with great ideas.

 

It's a great brainstorming tactic. You get a bunch of smart minds in a room. They are allowed to throw out any ideas they have on a particular subject. Everything is recorded and eventually one of those ideas leads to a big success.

Other times it's the worst possible process.

 

Could Your Time Be Better Spent Doing Something Else?

 

Whenever you find yourself investing time in a discussion, ask yourself a simple question. "Should I be doing something else instead?"

 

This could be a discussion with yourself. You don't have to be talking to another person. We engage in silent self-talk all the time. It can be negative, repetitive and defeating if we're not careful.

 

If you're planning on chasing down a dream, pick your battles. Don't argue with yourself or with someone else needlessly. Before you know it you've invested a lot of time, emotion and mental energy that got you nowhere. Could you have made more progress and generated more positive energy doing something else instead?

 

This can help you create some really big wins in your life. You hear stories all the time about some huge achievement that started out small. In the beginning all that was present was a big idea.

 

The owner of that idea may not have had many resources or enough money to do much more than just get started. Time was at a premium, like it is for all of us. Eventually, with a focused vision and a lot of hard work, the big idea led to a big result.

 

Big Achievement Doesn't Happen without Efficient Time Management

 

The most important asset in your life is time. This is true in your personal and business lives. We are not guaranteed any amount of time, so respect that. Pick your battles. Know when to take a stand and when moving on makes more sense.

 

People who turn big thoughts into big realities understand this. They surrender a position to someone else when they know that stringing things out wouldn't be the most productive decision. Learn this in your own life and greater productivity can lead to greater results.

 

4 Ways to Make a Decision So You Can Get to It Already

Making decisions is never easy. You need to assess your options, consider the risks, and predict a potential outcome. The more choices you have, the harder it gets. Additionally, self-doubt can affect your judgment and keep you from taking action. 

 

Even a minor decision, such as skipping a workout, can impact your life. For some reason, you can't make it to the gym today. The next day, something unexpected comes up, so you miss your workout once again. A month goes by, and you barely got any exercise. 

 

So, what's the best way to make a decision you won't regret? One that requires action and can change your life for the better? Here are four strategies you can use: 

 

Write It Down 

 

Every time you need to make a big decision put it on paper. Write down how you feel about it, assess the pros and cons, and highlight the key facts. Read everything the next day and the day after. If you still feel the same about it, go ahead and take action! 

 

Journaling is a good way to clarify your ideas and thoughts, stay organized, and learn more about yourself. Give it a try - decision making will become a lot easier! 

 

Set Clear Intentions 

 

Make sure you have a clear goal in mind. Don’t make decisions when you're feeling sad, angry, or overly excited. Think of what you want to achieve and decide accordingly. 

 

Let's say that you want to switch careers. What's the reason behind your decision? Do you dislike your current job, want a higher salary, or feel like you could do more? 

 

Quitting your job just because you're bored or stuck in a rut may not be the best decision - especially if you don't have a backup plan. Consider your reasons for taking this step - refrain from acting purely on impulse.

 

Detach Yourself from Negative Emotions 

 

Fear, self-doubt, anger, and frustration can interfere with decision making. Negative emotions affect your mood and behavior, reflecting on your actions. 

 

Acknowledge these feelings and declutter your mind. Never make a decision when you’re under stress or pressure.

 

Stop Striving for Perfection

 

When you're striving for perfection, it can be difficult to make decisions. The result might not live up to your expectations. 

 

Smart decision making isn't about finding the perfect solution. It's about getting things done. Stop aiming for perfection and start making decisions that drive results.

 

The 3-Step Process to Stop Thinking and Start Doing

You want a fulfilling career, a home of your own, and better health. Or perhaps you have smaller goals, such as learning a new language or traveling more often. However, you never find the time or the perfect opportunity to get started. 

 

The truth is that most people fail to achieve their goals not because they lack talent or have bad ideas, but because they quit. They get caught up in ruminating over what they might do and never take action. 

 

If you fall into this category, it's time to make a change. Follow these three steps to stop thinking and start doing! 

 

Set Your Priorities Straight 

 

Start by defining your priorities. What do you want to achieve the most? Set short-term and long-term goals, such as getting a promotion, acquiring new clients, or buying a home. Give yourself due dates for each of these goals. Even if you don't meet the deadline, it should be just enough to get you started. 

 

Eliminate any distractions that are wasting your time and focus on your end goal - to acquire new leads and boost your revenue. 

 

Stop Overanalyzing and Go for It 

 

Do you spend hours or days thinking and planning? Do you always focus on the worst-case scenario? Are you constantly trying to read between the lines? These signs indicate that you tend to overanalyze everything. 

 

Like it or not, your thoughts are not reality. Just because you're thinking of the worst-case scenario, it doesn't mean it will happen. Don't believe everything you feel or think. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to go with the flow and take action. Overanalyzing situations, events, or actions rarely leads to a productive outcome. 

 

Focus on the Positive 

 

Psychologists advise us to stay positive for a good reason. A negative attitude fuels fear and anxiety, keeping you from reaching your goals. You always think of what could go wrong instead of keeping an open mind.  

 

Keeping a positive attitude is good for your health too. It boosts your motivation and inner drive, helps you stay strong when times get tough and gives you a fresh perspective on the world around you. 

 

Try meditation, positive affirmation, yoga, or whatever it takes to ward off negative thoughts. Focus on the good in your life and hope for the best. Negativity leads nowhere; it's neither productive nor helpful.

 

3 Common Patterns of Self-Sabotage

It seems difficult to believe that people might do things not in their best interests. This behavior sometimes happens again and again. Don't people want to do what's best for them? Why would anyone knowingly take action in a way that has caused them some negative outcome in the past and threatens to do the same thing again?

 

This is what self-sabotage is. It's frustrating because it's often repetitive. A person continues to make decisions that produce a less-than-enjoyable result. Sometimes the person is so aware of what's going on that they will jokingly refer to the problems they will face if they act in some way (or don't act).

 

This happens because when we continually make choices that don't produce the greatest results, we are often driven by psychological or emotional influences. This can make it tough to spot self-defeating behavior. If you want to create more positive results in your life, keep an eye out for these three common patterns of self-sabotage.

 

1. Being a Perfectionist

 

You might think that attempting to be perfect is a positive trait. It really isn't. The people that succeed at the highest levels in their fields understand that they always need to push themselves, but they are also aware that perfection doesn't exist. 

 

You can always improve in some way. It makes sense to strive to improve in areas of your life because you know this can improve the quality of your life. That's admirable. 

 

A problem develops when this becomes an all-or-nothing mindset. It keeps you from taking action or getting involved in opportunities because before you even get started, you don't see the potential for a perfect outcome.

 

2. Embracing Extremes

 

Perhaps you never say no when a friend asks a favor. Before you know it, you have so many responsibilities that your life suffers. You place others before your needs. Maybe you lack moderation in some other way. Moderation helps you avoid self-sabotage that can cause problems in many aspects of your life.

 

3. Trying to Do It All Yourself

 

We all need help from time to time. The self-saboteur refuses to admit this. If you don't get help when needed, this can lead to failure. You have no one to blame if turning to your friends or loved ones for help is all you would have needed to be successful instead.

 

Remember that perfection doesn't exist in the human condition. Strive for moderation and steer clear of extremes. Get help when you need it. These are simple ways to avoid destructive and damaging behavior that can keep you from experiencing positive results.

 

Understanding What's Causing Your Self-Sabotaging Behavior

The English word sabotage has French origins. In the late 18th century, French laborers demanding better working conditions would make noise by beating their wooden shoes together. They would also throw these shoes, called sabots, into machinery to stop production as a protest.

 

A saboteur was someone who made noise with sabots. It wasn't until 1897 that Emile Pouget, a famous French anarchist of the time, wrote about the "action de saboter un travail," or "the action of sabotaging or bungling work."

 

The word “sabotage” these days is linked to those early definitions of its roots by referring to a deliberate action to cause disruption, obstruction, or destruction.

 

That means that self-sabotage is us getting in our own way. We consciously or unconsciously keep ourselves from achieving a goal. This destructive behavior can affect any area of a person's life and is difficult to stop without a plan proven to keep you on your path to success.

 

Understand, Stop, and Act Differently

 

Think about times when you did something that acted against your best interests. These were times when whatever you did caused some of the following feelings.

• Anger

• Emptiness

• Frustration

• Stress

• Loneliness

• Rejection

• Humiliation

• Self-Doubt

• Pessimism

• Failure

• Guilt

• Shame

We all experience these emotions at one time or another. When you consistently find these feelings arising because of something you've done and continue to do things that create these feelings, you might be working on a set of marching orders you gave yourself as a child.

 

Self-sabotage is most often caused because of unresolved psychological and emotional issues. Psychiatrists tell us that what influences our behaviors as adults is our upbringing. You could have encountered some situations when you were a child that still subconsciously makes you react in certain ways.

 

Knowing this is good. If you know a process leading to a negative result, you can destroy the process and get a positive outcome instead. Here's what to do.

 

Understand That Negative Programming Is at Work

 

Have a conversation when you catch yourself about to do something, and it's a behavior that has caused negative feelings and problems in your life. Remind yourself that some past issues may be causing you to believe that you deserve a negative consequence.

 

That's what's at work often when we do things that sabotage our lives. 

 

Once you understand that this is a negative process at work in your life, you have the power to make a different choice. Start looking for situations where your unconscious, knee-jerk reaction or conscious decision might lead to a negative outcome. Understand that you control your choices and that there are healthier options you can consciously choose.

 

Stop

 

Once you understand a self-sabotaging process might be at work, stop. Take some time to consider all your potential choices and their possible outcomes. If you can, walk away from making the choice right away. 

 

Look at your past. If you've faced similar situations, what decisions did you make, and what were the results? Instead of acting quickly and instinctively, which is sometimes not the best thing to do, stop and take some time to back away from taking action.

 

Act Differently

 

Here's where you have to be strong. You are going to be resisting very strong impulses. The first few times you do this, it will be very uncomfortable. You have lived with certain instincts for so long and given in to them, and now you'll fight them.

 

Be proud of yourself. You've made a conscious decision to understand what's going on. You know that you could instinctively be making some bad decisions. You stopped and backed away from the process, giving yourself time to think about multiple decisions and their outcomes.

 

Now you have a chance to act differently than you used to. Remember, if you want to enjoy something different than what you had in the past, you will have to do different things than you've been doing. This is the power of acting differently from your instinctive influences that, for whatever reason, are trying to hold you down or create a negative outcome.

 

Practice Makes Perfect

 

Changing decades of behavior is not going to happen overnight. The more you go through this process, the better you will become. You'll start identifying self-sabotaging thoughts and instincts and stopping yourself before you act upon them.

 

You should understand that making decisions that will lead to a better result can feel very uncomfortable. That's okay. This is a sign that you're trying to change emotional or psychological hardwiring that's been going on for a long time. Practice makes perfect. Keep at it. The fact that you want to stop self-sabotaging behavior means you have the mental and emotional resolve to do that.

You Can Beat Self-Sabotage with Self-Awareness

 

Is there some aspect of your life where you seem to have a blind spot? You catch yourself continually doing something that causes negative results. After you have endured failure or some negative emotion yet again, you promise yourself it won't happen in the future.

 

Then what happens? You find yourself back in the same situation.

 

You are far from a person who is out of control. You're a rational person. Most of your life is under control, and many people who care about you often remark they are jealous of your many positive character traits.

 

So why is it hard to create a positive outcome in a particular area of your life?

 

It isn't that you are lazy or don't have a strong desire to create change. It's not that you haven't put in the time or effort, either. If you often continue to underperform in some aspect of your life, it's because you are holding yourself back.

 

There Are Many Reasons for Self-Sabotage

 

Some people sabotage their own efforts because of a fear of failure. They stop trying when they are close to success because they are afraid they won't be able to get past that failure emotionally if they fail. So they stop trying.

 

Self-sabotage also happens because of psychological or emotional programming. Something that happened previously in your life is subconsciously leading to negative habits and actions. You may consciously desire to achieve something, but your efforts, no matter how hard you try, are sabotaged by negative mental programming.

 

Sometimes we get in the way of our best efforts because success might mean leaving our friends and loved ones behind. We may create such a great reality that the people we care about have no place in our new life. That can be a scary future to think about.

 

Self-Awareness Takes Honesty, and That Can Make You Uncomfortable

 

We move through much of our lives in a zombie-like state. Modern life is busy, hectic, and full of distractions. You might not have enough time to reflect deeply about who you are and what you do.

 

It's important to be aware of everything when you are working towards some goal. You might not be able to stop your actions beforehand. In this case, ask yourself what you did that kept you from being successful? Do you notice patterns that continue to create negative experiences in your life?

 

Do you ever have thoughts of not being good enough? After you embrace positive emotions and get motivated to make some big change, what slows you down? Why don't you keep moving forward with those powerful, positive feelings?

 

When you take action to create something positive in your life, be honest with yourself. What is your thought process? Are you trying to sabotage your results before you even get started? If you notice negative programming at work, remind yourself you can embrace any beliefs. 

 

Choose to believe you can succeed and continue to operate with that idea firmly in your mind.

 

Over time this self-awareness can help you identify self-sabotaging beliefs and actions that keep you from goal achievement. This can take time, but it's worth the work. It gives you power over unconscious mental programming and allows you to choose a success mindset instead.

Why You Should Accept Your “Flaws”

People always tell you that you should accept your flaws, but accepting your flaws is easier said than done. There are many reasons you should work to accept your flaws that could change your life.

 

Flaws Are A Distraction

 

When you are so focused on the parts of you that aren't perfect, this will distract you from your goals in life. Then instead of pursuing your goals, you'll be too busy thinking about your flaws. So when you accept your flaws, this gives you more time to pursue your purpose in life. 

 

You’ll Feel Lighter

 

Flaws tend you weigh you down. They sit heavy on your mind and prevent you from feeling good about yourself. Once you accept yourself just as you are, flaws and all, you will feel like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders - and this is a great feeling.

 

It Will Give You Perspective

 

Flaws aren’t all bad. For example, one of your flaws could be that you always throw yourself into an assignment too completely, which takes away from your other projects. Although this isn't a good thing, there are several ways you can make this flaw work for you. First, you need to accept the flaw so that you can gain some perspective on how you can work with it. 

 

You’ll Be Mentally Healthier

 

Thinking negative thoughts all the time isn’t good for you. And if you are focusing on your flaws, these are likely negative thoughts. Constant negative thinking like this can lead to serious issues, even depression, if you leave them unchecked. Once you accept your flaws, some negative thinking will go away, which will help you have a much happier mentality.

 

You Can Embrace Others’ Flaws

 

Now that you've accepted your flaws, the cool thing is, it will be easier to embrace others' flaws. This will improve your relationships with others just by accepting your flaws. And who doesn't want to have a better relationship with your friends, family, and significant other?

 

Overall, accepting your flaws isn't going to be an easy journey, but many aspects of your life will change for the better once you accept them. You'll not only feel better, but you'll feel lighter and be able to use your flaws to your advantage. By embracing your flaws, you can then use them to help you achieve success in life.  

 

This Prime Minister Understood You Don't Have To Be Liked to Get the Job Done

Margaret Thatcher became Britain's Prime Minister after winning the general election in 1979. She was the first woman to lead one of the major political parties in the United Kingdom. Previous economic troubles saw her take leadership in the middle of a recession.

 

Unemployment was rising dramatically. The British people weren't happy. Nevertheless, Thatcher didn't try to appease everyone by being popular. Instead, she took dramatic steps that didn't make many people happy with her.

 

Even so, she stuck by her guns. To say that she was unpopular at the beginning of her reign as Prime Minister is an understatement. The IRA tried to assassinate her in 1984. When someone tries to kill you, that's pretty much the height of unpopularity.

 

Nevertheless, she was so successful in turning around the economy that she served three consecutive terms. She enjoyed landslide reelections twice and is one of the most popular PMs in recent memory.

 

Nevertheless, she had this lesson to teach us about needing people to like us.

 

"If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing."

 

The best leaders are often well-liked. People respect their power and their achievements. When great leaders produce the results their followers are looking for, it's natural for them to enjoy popularity.

 

That's not to say that leaders should develop a dependence on being popular.

 

Margaret Thatcher understood this. She saw the inherent problem that can develop when approval becomes more important than delivering results.

 

You Don't Have To Be a Leader to Learn from This Lesson

 

You're probably not a politician. Very few people are. Maybe you don't long to become Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. It doesn't matter if you never throw your hat into the political arena. The lesson here is still relevant for so many of us.

 

If you want to accomplish anything, you can't worry if your actions will be popular or not. If you want to be popular, put everyone else first and worry about yourself last.

 

While helping others is an admirable character trait, you have to be careful. If you're doing it for people to like you, that's the wrong reason. Human beings can be rather fickle, which means your popularity can disappear quickly. 

 

No matter what you're trying to accomplish in your life, do it for the right reasons. It's easier to create the results you're looking for when you keep your eyes focused on the game plan rather than worrying about being popular.

7 Reasons Why You Don’t Set Boundaries and How to Start

You’ve gotten roped into staying late at work. Again. Or you’ve committed to something that you didn't want to but felt you had to. Now you’re beating yourself up because you know you should have better boundaries, but you don’t seem to understand how to form them. What do you do?

 

First, you need to realize that having problems setting boundaries is normal. We have a lot of reasons why we don’t like setting boundaries:

 

1. Fear. The number one reason we don’t do anything is generally fear. When you don’t know what the outcome is going to be when you first set that boundary, it’s bound to be terrifying.

 

2. It would be selfish. After all, why should your needs come before anyone else’s?

 

3. Taking care of yourself is unusual. This point is an extension of the last one. Not only is self-care selfish, but it would take time and resources from caring for others. Forgetting of course, that we can’t take care of anyone if we don’t take care of ourselves first.

 

4. Someone’s going to get mad at you. Which of course will lead to conflict and maybe even a confrontation. You might find yourself thinking that setting a boundary in these situations is just not worth it. 

 

5. Doing it the other way is a habit. It might be that you’re used to being asked to stay late at work – every day. Now it’s a habit to stay. The problem is, habits are hard to break, which means setting that boundary doesn’t just involve putting your foot down but changing an entire way of thinking. 

 

6. There’s a price to pay for saying ‘no.’ If other people trample over your needs to get their own needs met, then when you do say no, you know there’s going to be a negative repercussion. And who needs that kind of commotion in your life?

 

7. It’s not all that important anyway. Is it? That has more to do with self-esteem than anything. And yes, your boundaries are just that important.

 

So how do you go about setting boundaries when that’s unusual for you?

 

• Start by asking for what you want – and be specific.

• Be open to compromise.

• Have an exit strategy if they say ‘no.’ What will you accept?

• Be ready emotionally for a negative response. Not everything will be a ‘yes.’

• Don’t take rejection personally.  

 

Boundaries don’t have to be terrifying. Understanding why you don’t set them is the first step toward establishing positive change. When you use what you know to set solid boundaries for yourself, you will discover peace and happiness that you never knew was even possible.

5 Strategies for Guarding Your Personal Boundaries

Imagine an invisible fence set around yourself, with a single gate that is shut and locked, with only you in possession of the key. How does that make you feel?

 

When we have good personal boundaries, then we’ve set a space around us that we control. We tell those around us they can go only so far, and no further. Not that we’re alone, but it’s up to us to open the gate, and we get to decide who comes in.

 

The problem is, the world has a way of pushing against that fence. There will always be people who want more of your time, more of your energy. More of you. Thankfully there are things you can do to guard those boundaries and keep them strong.

 

1. Identify your limits. It’s impossible to guard what you haven’t even defined. The trick here is to define those limits clearly and succinctly. For example, you might want to protect some time with your family. But a boundary too vague is impossible to protect. But by clarifying the goal down to “Saturday’s are family time” then you know what you’re protecting (time with your family). So, with things that do come up on Saturday which do not involve the family, it's suddenly not so difficult to say no. 

 

2. Be straightforward. Never let someone push your boundaries without your permission. And when it does happen, take direct and clear action immediately. Anytime your boundaries are threatened, it’s time to open a dialogue with the violator. That gives you the opportunity to verbally reset the boundary in a way that makes it clear to the other person that the boundary is there. 

 

3. Pay attention to your feelings. If you’re feeling like someone is violating your boundaries, ask yourself why. Go with your gut instinct here as you analyze your emotions. It’s very likely that what you’re sensing is a boundary violation that you need to address.

 

4. Speak up. When you feel like your boundaries are being violated, you need to say something. After all, the best guard challenges all intruders. Being assertive now will save you a lot of heartache and problems down the road later.

 

5. Remind yourself that you have a right to set boundaries. Sometimes our boundaries have grown weak because we don’t feel like we have a right to set them in the first place. Permitting yourself to set the boundary will immediately strengthen it again.

 

Guarding your boundaries is an important part of living a life that’s not only healthy and happy but meaningful. Self-confident, strong people have solid boundaries that they protect. Protecting your boundaries is probably one of the most effective tools you have toward realizing a happy and productive life.