3 Common Patterns of Self-Sabotage

It seems difficult to believe that people might do things not in their best interests. This behavior sometimes happens again and again. Don't people want to do what's best for them? Why would anyone knowingly take action in a way that has caused them some negative outcome in the past and threatens to do the same thing again?

 

This is what self-sabotage is. It's frustrating because it's often repetitive. A person continues to make decisions that produce a less-than-enjoyable result. Sometimes the person is so aware of what's going on that they will jokingly refer to the problems they will face if they act in some way (or don't act).

 

This happens because when we continually make choices that don't produce the greatest results, we are often driven by psychological or emotional influences. This can make it tough to spot self-defeating behavior. If you want to create more positive results in your life, keep an eye out for these three common patterns of self-sabotage.

 

1. Being a Perfectionist

 

You might think that attempting to be perfect is a positive trait. It really isn't. The people that succeed at the highest levels in their fields understand that they always need to push themselves, but they are also aware that perfection doesn't exist. 

 

You can always improve in some way. It makes sense to strive to improve in areas of your life because you know this can improve the quality of your life. That's admirable. 

 

A problem develops when this becomes an all-or-nothing mindset. It keeps you from taking action or getting involved in opportunities because before you even get started, you don't see the potential for a perfect outcome.

 

2. Embracing Extremes

 

Perhaps you never say no when a friend asks a favor. Before you know it, you have so many responsibilities that your life suffers. You place others before your needs. Maybe you lack moderation in some other way. Moderation helps you avoid self-sabotage that can cause problems in many aspects of your life.

 

3. Trying to Do It All Yourself

 

We all need help from time to time. The self-saboteur refuses to admit this. If you don't get help when needed, this can lead to failure. You have no one to blame if turning to your friends or loved ones for help is all you would have needed to be successful instead.

 

Remember that perfection doesn't exist in the human condition. Strive for moderation and steer clear of extremes. Get help when you need it. These are simple ways to avoid destructive and damaging behavior that can keep you from experiencing positive results.

 

Understanding What's Causing Your Self-Sabotaging Behavior

The English word sabotage has French origins. In the late 18th century, French laborers demanding better working conditions would make noise by beating their wooden shoes together. They would also throw these shoes, called sabots, into machinery to stop production as a protest.

 

A saboteur was someone who made noise with sabots. It wasn't until 1897 that Emile Pouget, a famous French anarchist of the time, wrote about the "action de saboter un travail," or "the action of sabotaging or bungling work."

 

The word “sabotage” these days is linked to those early definitions of its roots by referring to a deliberate action to cause disruption, obstruction, or destruction.

 

That means that self-sabotage is us getting in our own way. We consciously or unconsciously keep ourselves from achieving a goal. This destructive behavior can affect any area of a person's life and is difficult to stop without a plan proven to keep you on your path to success.

 

Understand, Stop, and Act Differently

 

Think about times when you did something that acted against your best interests. These were times when whatever you did caused some of the following feelings.

• Anger

• Emptiness

• Frustration

• Stress

• Loneliness

• Rejection

• Humiliation

• Self-Doubt

• Pessimism

• Failure

• Guilt

• Shame

We all experience these emotions at one time or another. When you consistently find these feelings arising because of something you've done and continue to do things that create these feelings, you might be working on a set of marching orders you gave yourself as a child.

 

Self-sabotage is most often caused because of unresolved psychological and emotional issues. Psychiatrists tell us that what influences our behaviors as adults is our upbringing. You could have encountered some situations when you were a child that still subconsciously makes you react in certain ways.

 

Knowing this is good. If you know a process leading to a negative result, you can destroy the process and get a positive outcome instead. Here's what to do.

 

Understand That Negative Programming Is at Work

 

Have a conversation when you catch yourself about to do something, and it's a behavior that has caused negative feelings and problems in your life. Remind yourself that some past issues may be causing you to believe that you deserve a negative consequence.

 

That's what's at work often when we do things that sabotage our lives. 

 

Once you understand that this is a negative process at work in your life, you have the power to make a different choice. Start looking for situations where your unconscious, knee-jerk reaction or conscious decision might lead to a negative outcome. Understand that you control your choices and that there are healthier options you can consciously choose.

 

Stop

 

Once you understand a self-sabotaging process might be at work, stop. Take some time to consider all your potential choices and their possible outcomes. If you can, walk away from making the choice right away. 

 

Look at your past. If you've faced similar situations, what decisions did you make, and what were the results? Instead of acting quickly and instinctively, which is sometimes not the best thing to do, stop and take some time to back away from taking action.

 

Act Differently

 

Here's where you have to be strong. You are going to be resisting very strong impulses. The first few times you do this, it will be very uncomfortable. You have lived with certain instincts for so long and given in to them, and now you'll fight them.

 

Be proud of yourself. You've made a conscious decision to understand what's going on. You know that you could instinctively be making some bad decisions. You stopped and backed away from the process, giving yourself time to think about multiple decisions and their outcomes.

 

Now you have a chance to act differently than you used to. Remember, if you want to enjoy something different than what you had in the past, you will have to do different things than you've been doing. This is the power of acting differently from your instinctive influences that, for whatever reason, are trying to hold you down or create a negative outcome.

 

Practice Makes Perfect

 

Changing decades of behavior is not going to happen overnight. The more you go through this process, the better you will become. You'll start identifying self-sabotaging thoughts and instincts and stopping yourself before you act upon them.

 

You should understand that making decisions that will lead to a better result can feel very uncomfortable. That's okay. This is a sign that you're trying to change emotional or psychological hardwiring that's been going on for a long time. Practice makes perfect. Keep at it. The fact that you want to stop self-sabotaging behavior means you have the mental and emotional resolve to do that.

You Can Beat Self-Sabotage with Self-Awareness

 

Is there some aspect of your life where you seem to have a blind spot? You catch yourself continually doing something that causes negative results. After you have endured failure or some negative emotion yet again, you promise yourself it won't happen in the future.

 

Then what happens? You find yourself back in the same situation.

 

You are far from a person who is out of control. You're a rational person. Most of your life is under control, and many people who care about you often remark they are jealous of your many positive character traits.

 

So why is it hard to create a positive outcome in a particular area of your life?

 

It isn't that you are lazy or don't have a strong desire to create change. It's not that you haven't put in the time or effort, either. If you often continue to underperform in some aspect of your life, it's because you are holding yourself back.

 

There Are Many Reasons for Self-Sabotage

 

Some people sabotage their own efforts because of a fear of failure. They stop trying when they are close to success because they are afraid they won't be able to get past that failure emotionally if they fail. So they stop trying.

 

Self-sabotage also happens because of psychological or emotional programming. Something that happened previously in your life is subconsciously leading to negative habits and actions. You may consciously desire to achieve something, but your efforts, no matter how hard you try, are sabotaged by negative mental programming.

 

Sometimes we get in the way of our best efforts because success might mean leaving our friends and loved ones behind. We may create such a great reality that the people we care about have no place in our new life. That can be a scary future to think about.

 

Self-Awareness Takes Honesty, and That Can Make You Uncomfortable

 

We move through much of our lives in a zombie-like state. Modern life is busy, hectic, and full of distractions. You might not have enough time to reflect deeply about who you are and what you do.

 

It's important to be aware of everything when you are working towards some goal. You might not be able to stop your actions beforehand. In this case, ask yourself what you did that kept you from being successful? Do you notice patterns that continue to create negative experiences in your life?

 

Do you ever have thoughts of not being good enough? After you embrace positive emotions and get motivated to make some big change, what slows you down? Why don't you keep moving forward with those powerful, positive feelings?

 

When you take action to create something positive in your life, be honest with yourself. What is your thought process? Are you trying to sabotage your results before you even get started? If you notice negative programming at work, remind yourself you can embrace any beliefs. 

 

Choose to believe you can succeed and continue to operate with that idea firmly in your mind.

 

Over time this self-awareness can help you identify self-sabotaging beliefs and actions that keep you from goal achievement. This can take time, but it's worth the work. It gives you power over unconscious mental programming and allows you to choose a success mindset instead.

3 Body Positive Activities

When you are on a journey to feel better about your body, finding body-positive activities to fill your time can be difficult. Below are a few ideas you can engage in while you are on a journey to feel more positive about your body. Remember, many of us struggle with body image, so don't be afraid to invite your friends to do these activities with you!

 

1.  Spa Day

 

This day doesn't have to be an expensive spa package that costs hundreds of dollars. It could be just as simple as a quick trip to the local spa. Soak in the hot tub, sit in the steam room, and take a dip in the cold pool. All of these are relaxing activities that can help to release your stress. You could even pamper yourself with a manicure or pedicure. Engage in whatever it takes to relieve your stress and make you feel like you are being spoiled. 

 

2.  Do Something Active

 

An article on Mayo Clinic explains that working out in nature releases endorphins. These endorphins make you feel happy whether or not the exercise is vigorous. Even a simple walk around the block will be enough to get your endorphins flowing and help you to feel better about yourself. This activity can be especially fun if you invite a friend and the two of you take a fun class at your local gym or even participate in guided yoga in the park. 

 

3.  Consume Body Positive Media

 

Social media is often filled with unrealistic expectations for you to compare yourself to. Instead of spending time scrolling, find a positive media source in your life and consume as much of it as you can. This can be listening to music that makes you feel great about yourself or reading a book written by someone who inspires you. Make sure whatever it is you are spending your time reading, and watching is making you feel good about your body. 

 

Staying positive about your body can be difficult, especially if you aren't participating in body-positive activities. So next time your friends want to hang out, maybe suggest a spa day or take part in something active, because these activities will help you feel better about your body. Just make sure that whatever you do, you consume media that makes you feel great about who you are - and not the opposite. 

 

5 Ways to Feel Better About Your Body

Do you like what you see in the mirror? If not, you aren’t alone, and it can sometimes seem like an impossible task to feel better about your body. Below are five ways you can feel better about your body every day.

                                                                    

1.  Give Yourself Compliments

 

When you look in the mirror each morning, tell yourself how great you look. Focus on all the positive parts of your body, and admire how unique you are. Note that you also need to accept these compliments from yourself for this to help you feel better.  

 

2.  Get Active

 

One of the best ways to immediately feel better about yourself is by exercising. This phenomenon is because exercise releases endorphins that boost your mood. When you want to change your body, exercise is the way to do it! You don't have to do anything crazy to start, as even a walk around the block can help you begin to feel better. 

 

3.  Be Grateful

 

Think of all the amazing things you have in life. This reflection doesn't just have to be about your body. Think of all the things you've accomplished in your career and your social life. You couldn’t have done these things without the body you are in! 

 

4.  Consume Positive Media

 

Sometimes it can hurt to look at what you are not. Guess what? You don't have to. Instead of filling your social media feeds with people you are jealous of, fill them with people who inspire you. Maybe they are on the same journey you are on or people who have decided they are beautiful just the way they are. The choice is yours. Follow more people who inspire you and fewer people who make you feel bad about yourself. 

 

5.  Don’t Compare Yourself To Others

 

The number one way to stop feeling bad about your body is to stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone on this earth has a different journey and has achieved different things. Just because someone has a different body doesn't mean they are happy. From now on, resolve to only compare yourself to yourself because there is no other comparison.

 

Body image is a struggle that most people face at some point in their life, but this doesn't mean you shouldn't work to feel better about your body. If you follow these five tips outlined here, you'll be feeling better about your body and more confident in no time at all. 

5 Ways to Feel Better in Your Body

Everyone struggles to feel better in their body at some point in their life. This fact doesn't mean it is a good feeling, however. It is quite often a horrible feeling that holds us back.  Next time you find yourself feeling down about your body, try a few of these tips to help you to feel better in your body.

 

1.  Make A List Of The Positives

 

First of all, look in the mirror and make a list of all the positive qualities about yourself. These can be both physical and non-physical if you want. Is the list getting long? If it is, that is because you are truly an amazing human being, and you accomplish all of this thanks to your body!

 

2.  Eat Healthy Foods

 

When you eat healthy foods, you will feel better. It's as simple as that. Instead of gorging on junk food or takeout, resolve to make yourself healthy meals made from whole foods. Your body and your wallet will thank you. 

 

3.  Ignore Sizes

 

Sizes are arbitrary numbers created by companies to sort clothing. It would be best if you strived instead to feel good in your clothing. If this means ripping out the tags, go for it, you don't need them anyway. When you shop for clothing, hold things up to your body instead of looking at the tag. Sizes are different for each brand anyway. 

 

4.  Take A Walk In Nature

 

It's amazing how much spending some time being active can change your mood. According to Mayo Clinic, even just taking a brisk walk can work wonders to improve your perception of life. So if you are feeling down about yourself, grab your jacket and head for a brisk walk around the block.

 

5.  Ditch The Scale

 

The scale is another source of arbitrary numbers. Everyone is built differently, and muscle weighs more than fat, meaning people can often gain weight when they get fit. Instead of relying on only numbers, take a look in the mirror and admire your work there instead. 

 

Feeling better in your body is important when it comes to maintaining a good body image. You can feel better about your body by doing all of the above things. You should also strive to find other things that make you feel good! So, stop staring at the scale and start working towards feeling better in your body instead.

Better Body Image

Do you want to have a better body image, but you aren't sure where to start? Remember, having a better body image isn't a simple change. It's more of a journey. There are many things you can do along the way to help you improve the way you see yourself. 

 

Lower Social Media Consumption

 

Do you spend hours scrolling through photos of hot models on vacation on social media? This behavior needs to stop. This doesn't mean you have to give up all social media; it just means you need to mute people who make you feel envious. Jealousy and envy aren't healthy for your body image. Instead, you should try to follow people who inspire you to love yourself just the way you are. 

 

Create Reminders For Yourself

 

Get some sticky notes and put reminders and compliments on them for yourself. Then take the time to place them all over your house for you to find at a later time. You can even place them in your wallet and around your workspace at work—wherever you think you need a little encouragement.

 

Do Things That Make You Feel Good

 

Sitting and staring at the mirror and wishing you were someone else is never going to change anything. Instead, it would be best if you did active things which make you feel good. Take a class at your local gym, go for a walk in nature, or spend time with friends. All of these things will help you to feel more positive about yourself. 

 

Don’t Compare Yourself To Others

 

Whatever you do, comparing yourself to others needs to stop right now. You are your own unique person, and there is no one out there quite like you. No one has done the exact things you have done in the exact way. In that same manner, you will never look exactly like someone else. It's time to look in the mirror and know you are looking at someone who is uniquely you.

 

Learning to have a better body image is no easy task. And it certainly won't just take one step to get there. You will probably need to do all of the things on this list to have a better body image - and maybe more. But once you do, you'll be glad you chose to take the journey and learned to love yourself just the way you are. 

 

How to Be Happier in Your Own Skin

You can change many things about your life, but your skin is not one of them. This is why you need to learn to be happier in your own skin. The problem is, this is often much easier said than done. Below are a few ways you can learn to be happier in the body you have.

 

Develop Positive Affirmations

 

Grab a stack of sticky notes and write down all the things you love about yourself. Then place these sticky notes in places where you will find them later. These places could be on your mirror, in your wallet, or even around your desk at work. Then every time you see them, you can be reminded of what an amazing person you are.

 

Quit Scrolling Social Media

 

Social media creates unrealistic expectations of the human body. If you feel uncomfortable in your skin because of social media, it's time to stop participating. Instead, it would be best to find more body-positive media to engage in, such as books, music, and TV shows that make you feel great about who you are.

 

Work On Your Body Language

 

Believe it or not, your body language can play a huge part in feeling comfortable in your own skin. Every time you find yourself hunched over with your arms folded, how does this make you feel? Not very good, right? Exactly. It's time to walk with your shoulders pulled back, and your head held high—you'll be surprised by how much this small change affects your mood.

 

Ensure You Love The Clothes You Wear

 

If you are wearing clothes which don't make you feel comfortable in your own skin, then it's time to get clothes that do! Aim to find clothes that fit you and are flattering for your body. This will help ensure you feel great about yourself. It can help if, while you are shopping, you resolve not to look at the sizes and rather try on things that look like they will fit you and decide from there. 

 

Being happier in your own skin is a lifelong journey that almost everyone on this earth must take. But you can make this task easier on yourself by developing positive affirmations, quitting social media, working on your body language, and buying clothes that make you feel confident.  Just don't forget that being positive about yourself and your body ultimately must come from within.