Friday, 14 February 2025

Unburden Your Heart: The Path To Letting Go Of Grudges And Resentment


Negative emotions such as anger and bitterness can be triggered when someone hurts you by saying or doing something offensive. It’s challenging to let go, to forgive, and the feelings of resentment linger, weighing you down and making your heart feel heavy.


study published by Springer Link confirms that “Bearing grudges is associated with a history of pain disorders, cardiovascular disease, and stomach ulcers.”  Holding grudges and resentment is linked to a higher risk of heart attack, disease, high blood pressure, arthritis, back pain, headaches, and chronic pain. In addition, the anger from resentment can cause mental health problems such as anxiety and depression.


It’s in your best interest to move past the hurt caused by others to protect your health and well-being. There are strategies to free yourself of resentment.


Why Do We Struggle to Let Go?


2021 analysis by researchers explored why we hold resentment and found that our self-esteem is a factor. Humans need validation, meaning we want others to agree with our actions or beliefs. Otherwise, we feel morally inferior, becoming defensive and increasing the difficulty of accepting and forgiving others.


In some cases, people simply have an inability to let go and forgive. People who haven’t achieved forgiveness may have a longer latency period, meaning it takes them more time to think about the incident and arrive at any response. The hurt exists but has not been revealed yet - the bad feelings can become overpowering.

 

Strategies for Moving Forward

 

The following are strategies that can help you recover from being hurt.

Meditation

 

Mindfulness Meditation helps you explore and understand your pain while reducing stress. It calms negative thoughts and restores a positive focus. The keys to mindfulness meditation are to be aware of your breathing and living in the moment. Mindfulness can give you peace of mind and improve your self-acceptance. You can learn to practice mindfulness meditation online, or your community may offer meditation classes.

 

Practice Forgiveness

 

Be aware of the emotions that you are feeling and recognize how those feelings are impacting your physical and mental health and your behavior. Accept the feelings and the situation that occurred. You are in control, not the person that caused the event. You have the power to forgive and move on with your life.

 

Be Compassionate

 

The person who caused you to be distressed may be having issues that affect their behavior, such as the death of a loved one, a bad relationship, or low self-esteem. Think about your past interactions with the person. Are they typically pleasant and non-confrontational? Is their behavior different than in the past? Being empathetic and kind can help you to achieve forgiveness.

 

Self-Distancing

 

Research by psychologists Ozlem Ayduk and Ethan Kross found that self-distancing is significantly beneficial in overcoming the negative feelings caused by grudges and resentment. Self-distancing entails thinking about the situation from a third-person perspective rather than an active participant perspective. 

 

Envision that you’re watching actors in a movie replay the situation that occurred. This technique helps you to see the “big picture’, increasing your ability to cope with the past and have a broader perspective on the event.

 

Conclusion

 

It is human nature to be angry, sad, or upset when someone’s words or actions hurt us. Holding onto anger and resentment is harmful to your health and well-being. While it can be difficult to forgive and move on, it’s in your best interest to do so. The preceding techniques can help you to cope, forgive, and unburden your heart.

 

References

 

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00127-009-0054-0

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4384185/

 

https://abbymedcalf.com/the-key-to-letting-go-of-resentment/

 

https://www.mindful.org/how-to-meditate/

 

Mayo Clinic

 

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20438226/

 


Tuesday, 11 February 2025

Embracing Change: Letting Go To Welcome The New


We all have something we want to let go of, whether it be a harmful habit, physical item, or toxic viewpoint that keeps us tethered to where we are. However, despite wanting to let go, the reality is that embracing change can be hard to do. 

 

Oftentimes, the struggle to let go and embrace change has to do with not having control over the future - and that can be a really powerful fear. But the reality is that while we can make choices based on the best information we have at the time, life is always going to be in a state of flux. 

 

Whether the change is good or sad, practicing the art of letting go can help you to become more flexible and adaptable. It can also help us move forward if we’re still living in the past. Here’s some helpful information that can do just that. 

 

Why Do We Struggle With Change? 

 

Before we dive into all the ways you can start letting go, let’s first analyze why we’re so resistant to change in the first place. 

 

According to Katherine Cullen MFA, LCSW, in her article titled Why Is Change So Hard? published in Psychology Today, “We often find ourselves resisting change, perhaps because of the perceived risk or fear associated with it.” 

 

In her article, she refers to examples such as a chain smoker looking to quit the habit. First, is the acknowledgment of the act. in this case, the smoker realizes that they’re going through a lot of cigarettes per day. While this isn’t enough to prompt immediate action, it gets the gears turning. 

 

The next phase is contemplation, which is when the individual considers the pros and cons of letting go. In the case of a chain smoker, this could be comparing the benefits of quitting such as renewed lung tissue and lowering the risk of developing lung cancer, as well as the cons such as not knowing another way to relieve stress and being fearful of not having any other method of self-soothing. 

 

After weighing the pros and cons, most people will then make a detailed plan - i.e. choose a day to quit smoking and buy a yoga mat for stress relief or hard candy to suck on when they have a craving. Then, they go through with it. Getting to this point of action is hard, but maintaining the lifestyle is even harder because everything is outside of the person’s comfort zone. 

 

For a chain smoker, a watermelon-flavored hard candy is hardly going to be an adequate substitute for something they enjoy. And since lifestyle changes aren’t a linear process, any setbacks could lead to self-judgment and frustration, making embracing the new change all the more difficult. 

 

This cycle is why we’re so resistant to change. We’re often fearful of what lies on the other side of change. Though change isn’t always bad, it’s the what-ifs that we focus on. While the chain smoker giving up cigarettes is just one example, another might be an adult child having difficulty discarding their deceased mother’s clothing. 

 

While they may not necessarily need them, they’re scared of getting rid of them for the risk that they will one day change their mind, or that they will somehow be disappointing their loved ones. Fears like this lead to prolonged (and unnecessary) suffering. 

 

Parents with grown children may also suffer through the struggle to let go of their child’s bedroom or childhood effects, which can make it hard to embrace their child’s adulthood and the new dynamic shared between them. 

 

At the end of the day, the fear of letting go and embracing change often comes down to not knowing what to expect and the risk of having regrets about the decision to change later on, especially if it doesn’t pan out the way we want. 

 

Tips for Letting Go and Embracing Change

 

Letting go can be hard as is, let alone when we’re also forced to embrace the unwanted change that comes with it. 

 

As in the example above, letting go of a loved one’s clothes or personal items has nothing to do with the love of the tangible items, but rather the fear that they’re going to forget their loved ones if they don’t have a physical memory attached to them. 

 

Regardless of what you’re struggling to let go of, here are some tips that can help you welcome change, even if it’s going to be a little difficult. 

 

Declutter

 

Like the example mentioned earlier, holding onto items for the fear that you’ll regret getting rid of them isn’t a good enough reason to keep them around. Clutter can lead to stress, anxiety, and in many cases, depression. 

 

Holding onto items that no longer serve you, even if they’re simply no longer your style, can keep you in the past and chain you there. If you’re interested in letting go, start small. Grab a trash bag and find 10 items you can throw away, like receipts, chipped mugs, or socks that have holes in them. With enough practice, you can work your way up from items that are damaged to those that have a mental chokehold on you. 

 

This is especially true if you’re holding onto clutter for sentimental reasons. While it’s okay to keep a few things, dedicating your home to people or lifestyles from the past can keep you tethered to a painful time in your life. Learning to let go can help you accept what happened and embrace your new life moving forward. 

 

Don’t Dismiss Your Fears

 

One way you can embrace change is by acknowledging that you don’t want to let certain things go, whether it’s a tangible item or not. 

 

The more you try to dismiss your feelings, and by proxy, your fears, the more likely they are to stay with you and affect your decisions. If you want to truly embrace change, then acknowledge that getting rid of your mother’s items, or your child’s baby clothes (for example) is hard. 

 

Then, go ahead and acknowledge your fears about getting rid of them. For example, getting rid of baby clothes could signify that the time of your life is over, and you’re scared of what comes next. 

 

Oftentimes, the difficulty of letting go is because we’re fearful of feeling sad, being alone, moving on, or feeling vulnerable. However, these are feelings shared among society. When you bring these fears to the surface, they not only no longer seem so scary, but you can now identify solutions. 

 

With the right support system, you can embrace your fears and still let go, knowing that it’s going to suck…and that’s okay. 

 

Listen to Your Inner Voice

 

At the end of the day, you’ll know when it’s time to get rid of something, or someone, or move on. These feelings are usually subtle; one day you just don’t feel the same way about it anymore. However, when you have that inkling, take notice. 

 

Your inner voice doubles as your voice of reason. Though you may be quick to ignore it or do the opposite, trust that when that little voice pops up telling you it’s time to let go, it’s because deep down, it’s what you know is best for you. 

 

Letting go and embracing change is all about the fear of not knowing what lies around the corner. You can make this change easier by trusting your gut and realizing that yes, change can be scary, but so can staying miserable where you are. 

 


Friday, 7 February 2025

How Can I Feel More Comfortable With Change?


Change can be difficult to deal with, mainly because it is uncomfortable. However, change is an essential part of life. If you can't deal with change, you will never move forward or grow as a person. Below are some ways to help yourself be more comfortable with any changes that are coming your way. 

 

Recognize When Change is Coming

 

Sometimes, change is so uncomfortable because you weren't expecting it. This is why you should do your best to recognize when change is coming and tell yourself in advance. For example, maybe your boss just put in her two weeks' notice. This means that there will be a new boss in two weeks, who will probably want to change a few things around the office. Let yourself know this and go over the scenario in your mind so the change won’t seem as shocking when it does come about. 

 

Write Down Your Fears

 

Change is also uncomfortable because it often digs up some of your deepest fears. Think about the above example. You could be worried that a new boss will demote or fire you. If this is the case, write these fears down. Writing your fears down, no matter what they are, will help you be less afraid and better prepared when (and if) you need to face them at some point. 

 

Ask For Help

 

Are you struggling with a certain change? Ask for help. This can be in the form of mental help from a health professional, or maybe even just asking if your friend will allow you to vent with them for a little bit. Everyone has gone through changes at some point in their life and knows how they are feeling. So know that you never have to face change alone.

 

Look For the Positives

 

All of this fear and discomfort comes from the negative side of change. Remember, change isn't negative. Change is actually positive. This means you need to do all that you can to see the positive side of change. So maybe your boss is leaving, but maybe this means you will finally get a promotion or that you will have a great time working for someone new. No matter the change in your life, there is always a positive side!

 

Overall, change is a crucial part of life, but knowing this doesn't make it any less difficult to go through. When you are struggling to be comfortable with change, try preparing yourself in advance, writing down your fears, and asking for help if you need it. Don't forget to always look at the positive side of change so that you can forget the negatives. 

 


Tuesday, 4 February 2025

4 Ways Taking Risks Can Help Us


Taking a risk in life can be scary, and often your friends and family will warn you against it. However, did you know that taking some risks is in your best interest? 

 

Below are four ways that taking risks can help you. 

 

1. You’ll Learn How to Fail

 

Many people are scared to take risks because they are afraid to fail. However, the possibility of failure is actually a reason you should take risks. Anyone who has ever told you that they've never failed has likely never succeeded either. Failure is an absolutely critical part of success. How can you know how to succeed unless you've learned a few ways not to succeed? It also helps you build character and shape you into a better, more well-prepared person. So take a risk, and even if you fail, at least you will learn something important.

 

2. You’ll Gain Confidence

 

When you succeed after taking a risk, you will gain confidence. This confidence will help move you forward in life to bigger, and often better, things. Without confidence, you will likely stay in the same rut you may be in right now. 

 

3. You’ll Conquer Your Fears

 

Another reason people tend not to take risks is that they are afraid. Whether that is fear of failure, or something else, you can't expect to conquer these fears without taking a risk or two! 

 

Sometimes people are afraid of finding out who they really are because taking risks will reveal this. This is a critical aspect necessary for personal growth. So no matter what risk it is in your life that you are facing, it's time to go for it and see what happens so you can conquer your fears and find out who you are. 

 

4. You Will Be Successful

 

The number one way that taking risks helps is to lead you on the path to success. No one in this world has become successful just by sitting around their bedroom waiting for something to happen. Risks and success go hand in hand. Even if you aren't successful on the first try, remember to stick with it because eventually, you will achieve the success you desire. 

 

Overall, it is scary to take risks, but this is exactly why you should do so! Once you start taking risks, you will learn how to fail, face your fears, gain confidence, and it will eventually lead you to success! 

 


Friday, 31 January 2025

6 Ways to Work Smarter, Not Harder


We’ve all heard the saying, “Hard work pays off.” While this is true, there’s a smarter way to approach your work that doesn’t require burnout or endless hours of effort. High achievers don’t just grind; they strategically optimize their time and energy to get more done without sacrificing their well-being.

 

Here are six effective ways to work smarter, not harder:

 

1. Prioritize with Purpose


It’s easy to look at a to-do list and feel like everything needs immediate attention, but not all tasks are created equal. To truly work smarter, you need to prioritize what really matters. Start by identifying high-impact tasks that move you closer to your goals, especially those with tight deadlines or major outcomes. Use a time management technique, such as the Eisenhower Matrix, to categorize tasks based on urgency and importance. By focusing on what truly matters, you’ll avoid the chaos of last-minute rushes and free up mental space for more meaningful work.

 

2. Master the Art of Delegation

 

Effective delegation is a game changer. While it can be difficult to relinquish control, handing off lower-priority tasks allows you to focus on what you’re best at. Whether it’s hiring a virtual assistant for admin work or outsourcing personal tasks like cleaning, the goal is to reclaim your time for high-value activities. Remember, your time is precious. The smartest professionals understand that doing everything themselves is a recipe for burnout. Delegate, trust your team, and invest your energy where it counts.

 

3. Group Tasks for Maximum Efficiency

 

Task switching can take a toll on your productivity. Every time you shift between unrelated tasks, your brain needs to re-focus, which wastes valuable time and energy. Combat this by batching similar tasks together. For instance, instead of responding to emails throughout the day, set aside one- or two-time blocks for this purpose. Similarly, batch meetings, phone calls, or creative tasks into dedicated windows. By grouping tasks, you enter a flow state, allowing you to complete work faster and more efficiently.

 

4. Leverage Technology and Automation

 

Why manually perform tasks that could easily be automated? Take advantage of productivity tools and software that can handle repetitive processes for you. Whether it’s using email autoresponders, project management tools, or scheduling apps, automation frees up your time for more important tasks. Review your workflow regularly and look for opportunities to streamline. If a task can be automated or simplified, let technology do the heavy lifting.

 

5. Break Big Projects into Manageable Steps

 

Big projects can feel overwhelming, leading to procrastination or rushed, subpar work. A smarter approach is to break large tasks into smaller, actionable steps. When you divide a complex project into manageable pieces, it becomes less daunting, and you’re more likely to make steady progress. Use tools like project management apps or even a simple checklist to track and celebrate each small milestone. Completing smaller tasks regularly gives you momentum and reduces the stress of looming deadlines.

 

6. Take Breaks to Recharge

 

It may sound counterintuitive, but taking breaks can significantly boost your productivity. Working non-stop leads to diminishing returns, and fatigue can set in, reducing both the quality and quantity of your output. The Pomodoro Technique, which encourages short, frequent breaks, is one way to incorporate rest into your routine. Use your breaks to step away from your work, stretch, meditate, or go for a walk. When you return to your tasks, you’ll feel refreshed and ready to tackle them with renewed focus.

 

Final Thoughts

 

Working smarter, not harder, is about making conscious decisions to improve your productivity without sacrificing your health or well-being. By prioritizing your tasks, delegating effectively, grouping similar work, automating where possible, breaking projects into smaller steps, and taking breaks to recharge, you’ll find yourself achieving more in less time—and with far less stress.

 

Start incorporating these strategies today, and soon you’ll find that working smarter allows you to accomplish your goals while maintaining balance and fulfillment in your life.



Tuesday, 28 January 2025

Why Do We Suffer from Burnout?


Burnout is a state caused by high levels of chronic stress. It results in a total breakdown emotionally, physically, or mentally. What used to be a term for a broad set of conditions is now an official medical diagnosis. That's important because until it was given official recognition, people just believed they had to ride out whatever they were experiencing. Here's an example.

 

You approach your boss and tell him you've had enough. You can't work another minute. The environment, your coworkers, or some other situation has you on the verge of a mental or physical breakdown. Before a doctor could diagnose you as suffering from burnout, your boss might have told you to "tough it out."

 

In many cases, this is what we tell ourselves. While we recognize that our situation is beyond difficult in some way, we feel like we should be able to push through. That is definitely not the best course of action if you have a case of burnout working against you.

 

Look out for These Common Causes of Burnout

 

A person will suffer from burnout because they have been pushed past their emotional, physical, or mental breaking point. It's not just a case of someone working many long hours and being physically tired. 

 

It usually happens because a person is not in control of the situation they are forced to endure.

 

They have to put up with emotional, physical, or mental stress. There is no letting up. They feel they have no control over the process. A workload on the job or at home looks like it's insurmountable. Personal responsibilities that must be met continue to build until they create a perceived disaster situation.

 

A person feels they don't have the tools, resources, or personal abilities to handle their life or job satisfactorily. All of these situations can be caused by the following factors.

  • Monotonous, challenging workloads that seem to grow quicker than progress
  • Having a continual lack of control, either at work or in personal life
  • Seeing little to no rewards for a person's time and effort
  • Feeling a lack of support and community
  • The perception that a person is the only one that has to go through harsh or difficult times
  • Toxic environments that threaten a person's values, and possibly physical or mental health

While most burnout is job-related, you can see that these common causes of a breakdown can happen at home, in a person's social life, and at work. Avoid them whenever possible. If you suspect that you or someone you care about is a prime burnout candidate, talk to a counselor or mental health professional. As with any other health problem, prevention is always the best medicine.

 


Friday, 24 January 2025

Who Gets Burnout? Are You at Risk?


You may not be suffering from any chronic stress right now. You experience stress but assume it's at the same level as most people, and you handle it easily. What you need to ask yourself is this.

 

Are the problems in your life putting you at risk of going from a normal stress level to full-blown burnout?

 

Burnout and stress are related. Chronic stress, always having to deal with stressful situations and problems, can lead to burnout. On the other hand, regular doses of stress are actually good for you.

 

It's a way your body protects you. The stress response is tied to your fight-or-flight instinct. All your senses become fully aware if you must battle a threat or run in the opposite direction very quickly.

 

Burnout results from experiencing that situation constantly. Your mind, body, and/or emotions are relentlessly being hammered to the point that they give up. 

 

They simply can't take anymore. Even the strongest-willed person can suffer seriously from an endless barrage of stress to the point that some part of you shuts down.

 

Am I a Candidate for Burnout?

 

First, you need to ask yourself if you love your job. If you do, you likely don't have an issue. When you wake each morning and can't wait to get to work, your stress isn't unbearable. It's a sign that no chronic stress awaits you to clock in and get to work.

 

What do you do most of the time if you don't work? Does that cause you a lot of stress? Again, if stress isn't a constant companion, you probably don't have to worry.

 

Burnout comes from a consistent and relentless delivery of stress. 

 

Whether it's on the job, at home, or anywhere else, it's stress that you can't escape. It's right in your face and gets you to the point where you feel like you will explode.

 

Some jobs are more stressful than others. Yahoo Finance reports that the following occupations are more likely to lead to burnout than others.

 

·      Retail

·      Surgeon

·      Fast food worker

·      Social worker

·      Air traffic controller

·      Construction worker

·      Teacher

·      Nurse

·      Certified public accountant

·      Firefighter

·      Emergency medical technician

 

If you don't work any of those jobs, that doesn't mean you're immune to burnout. Frequently experiencing stress is never a good thing. Consult a mental health professional if you feel stress is too big of a part of your life.