The Power of No: Setting Boundaries for a Healthier You

“No is a complete sentence.”- Annie Lamott

Many of us people pleasers find it difficult to say no and establish boundaries. This often leads to us over-extending ourselves to others and feeling resentful when our boundaries are constantly crossed. But how can we expect others to respect our boundaries when we aren’t even communicating properly and saying no?

Learning how to say ‘no’ and set firm yet healthy boundaries is the key to mental peace and maintaining healthy relationships with others. Having loose boundaries and not being able to say no often leads to us feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. 

Understandably, we all want to be liked by others, but people-pleasing is not the way to go. It just allows others to walk all over us continuously. 

The Importance of Setting Boundaries

While it can be challenging to set boundaries with difficult people, it is important and the key to forming healthy relationships and taking care of your well-being. Saying no to things that do not serve you or you simply do not have the time for can help you focus on yourself and your priorities. It can enable you to create a balance in all aspects of your life. 

For example, if your boss asks you to come in and work on the weekends or expects you to work overtime late at night, it is important to set firm boundaries with your work, learn to say no respectfully, and create a work-life balance for your well-being. This helps you avoid any undue stress and helps you focus on other things in your life that might give you purpose or energize you like your family or hobbies. 

Healthy boundaries can free you from unrealistic expectations from others and the resentments that come with them. They can help you avoid conflicts in relationships. Setting healthy boundaries with your partner, friends, kids, or any other relationship you may have in your life can allow you to nurture these relationships, conserve energy, and save you from a lot of drama and toxicity. 

How to Set and Maintain Healthy Boundaries 

1. Find Your ‘Why’

 

Reflect on the reason you want to set a boundary. Perhaps something in your relationship or friendship is making you resentful and uncomfortable and you want to set a boundary with your friend to preserve your mental and emotional well-being. 

Start small. 

Start slowly and set a few boundaries initially and build them up slowly. Don’t go to an extreme level and set up rigid and unhealthy boundaries that you will not be able to maintain in the long run. Go at your own comfortable pace and make changes as needed. 

2. Set Boundaries Early On

Consider setting boundaries early on in a relationship as it can be hard to start putting boundaries around pre-existing relationships. For example, you could set boundaries early on with in-laws when you get engaged or married. This way you set expectations to be a certain way from the beginning avoiding any confusion or hurt in relationships. 

3. Stay Firm and Consistent

When setting boundaries, it is important to not let them slide as it will make people not take you seriously and just add to the confusion. Staying firm can help reinforce your boundaries. 

4. Communicate When Your Boundaries are Crossed

Confidently communicate when someone disrespects and crosses your boundaries continuously. You can communicate assertively and effectively without sounding aggressive or confrontational and still assert your boundaries. 

For example, if someone keeps calling you late at night repeatedly you could say something like, “I can see you want to get a hold of me, but the best thing would be to text me, and I will get back to you when I have the time in the morning.” This assertively highlights their behavior and sets and maintains your boundaries.

Setting boundaries and saying no to things that do not serve you can be an empowering experience and help you maintain great relationships. While setting your boundaries, it is also important to recognize the boundaries of other people and respect them just as you would expect them to respect yours. 

Try not to violate the boundaries of other people as it can cause resentment and contempt to build them which leads to toxicity in relationships and people withdrawing from others who may cross their boundaries. 

It is possible to set boundaries without being aggressive, confrontational, or upsetting people. Don’t feel guilty about setting boundaries and take it as an act of self-care and something crucial to your overall well-being. 

7 Things to Remember When You Feel Overwhelmed

Feelings of overwhelm can threaten your happiness and your relationships. When you take on more than you can handle, your body reacts with elevated stress levels. Often it results in you being short with other people. You may also forget to eat as you focus on getting your list done. Eventually, you may develop other mental health issues if you keep putting yourself through the same paces without any break.  

7 Things to Keep in Mind When You Feel Overwhelmed

At times, everyone gets overwhelmed, but that doesn’t mean you are a lost cause. Here are seven things to remember when you start feeling overwhelmed: 

• Your emotions are natural: Feelings of overwhelm are often a sign from your body that it is time to slow down and scale back. You can also control your feelings, so addressing this feeling and replacing it with better ones is possible.

• It isn’t the end of the world: This is part of life. The good news is that you can stop the feelings of overwhelm by recognizing it for what it is and taking proactive steps to prevent the cycle from happening.

• Now is a good time for a brain dump: Overwhelm leaves our minds cluttered. By writing down all of the things, you need to do or feel, you are alleviating some of the mental energy you have had to expend keeping it all in.

• Take action instead of wallowing in your thoughts: Action breeds more movement and will propel you out of your feelings of overwhelm. Additionally, new opportunities will crop up to help you chip away at your project.

• Avoiding digital stimulation is the better choice: Getting lost in social media will only leave you feeling worse when you realize you lost time to work. Notifications can leave you in a constant state of panic. Remember that it is okay to turn off notifications for periods of time and focus on what you need to get done.

• Stepping outside is a good thing: You do not have to be tied to your desk and laser-focused on what needs doing. Give your body the break it deserves to help you reset and recharge.

• You have been here before: More than likely, you have felt this way before. It won’t last, and you can shorten the timeframe by being proactive.

Feelings of overwhelm don’t have to stop you from being productive. Remember that this happens to us all, and you can take action to overcome it.

 

How to Deal with Constantly Feeling Overwhelmed

Do you get tense just thinking about all of the responsibilities you have? If so, you probably deal with feelings of fear, frustration, anxiety, and maybe even anger. Once in a while, you may deal with these feelings, but when it is each day for weeks or months on end, it is time to learn how to deal with them. 

6 Suggestions to Deal with the Constant Feeling of Overwhelm

Don’t let yourself get caught up in the struggles that come with an overstuffed plate. Instead, take these steps to help you deal with those constant feelings of overwhelm: 

• Try to Find the Primary Cause: Think about what is going on in your life or career. Ask yourself what is causing you to feel stressed and overwhelmed? Do you have an enormous project weighing you down? Is there something that can be delegated? If you can hand off the task, do so. If it is a large project, break it down into manageable steps. 

• Breathe Deeply: Feelings of overwhelm will leave you tense, and you may be breathing in shallow bursts. Slowing down to breathe from your diaphragm will help you lower your stress response. It will help you reassess what needs to be done.

• Establish Boundaries: You need to expect that you will disappoint people, but you will want to learn to tell people ‘no’ for your well-being. Do what you need to ensure your feelings of overwhelm do not overtake you. You may determine that you will not answer any email between the 9 and 10 AM hours so that you can focus on project work.

• Ask for Help: Sometimes, fighting overwhelm needs more than better calendar management. The listening ear of a friend or understanding HR personnel may be what you need to get through the day. They can help put things back into perspective.

• Keep a Journal: Journaling has many benefits. One of which is to help you clear your mind so you can process thoughts. Expressing yourself freely on paper will bring you much relief.

• Put Perfectionism in Its Place: We use perfectionism as an excuse to make some projects appear bigger than they are. It also encourages procrastination which means things pile up, and then you are overwhelmed at the mess. Instead, use your boundaries to determine if you really need to take on a particular project or if someone else can do it.

Fight back against overwhelm when you step back, assess the situation, take a deep breath, and ask for help.

Finding Balance Between Your Personal and Professional Life

In today’s fast-paced society, many feel that all they do is work without time left for family, friends, and leisure activities. While we are grateful that we have jobs, struggling to keep up with heavy workloads, other career challenges, and personal lives can be overwhelming. 

 

We tend to get so caught up in the rush that we forget to care for ourselves. As our stress increases, various physical and mental health issues, such as decreased immunity, poor concentration, irritability, depression, high blood pressure, and more, can occur.

 

Work-life balance is one of the most important considerations for your quality of life. The path to well-being is finding the balance between work and personal life. The following are several strategies to help reduce stress and achieve the desired balance. 

 

• Practice Self-Care: Boost your ability to cope with daily stressors by eating healthy foods, staying active, and getting sufficient sleep. Research shows a healthy lifestyle benefits physical and mental health, such as reduced stress and depression and a more robust immune system.

• You Deserve a Break: Take small breaks throughout the day to clear your mind and restore energy, whether at work or in your personal life.

• Create a Daily To-Do List: A practical approach to finding balance in your life is to have a plan or to-do list for each day. This helps you to be organized and control your personal and work tasks. 

Create your task list the night before to give yourself a roadmap for the upcoming day. Keep your work tasks and personal tasks separate to help foster a distinction between the two. Be sure to keep your lists realistic and don’t include unimportant tasks. Otherwise, you’ll race throughout the day trying to get everything done, causing more stress and disbalance.

 

• Practice Time Management: As you execute your daily to-do list, you’ll likely encounter interruptions and other activities that take focus away from achieving your goals. The following are several time management techniques that will help you be in control of your limited time. 

• Don’t Multitask: When you work on multiple tasks at the same time, you may end up wasting valuable time. Multitasking makes focusing on a single task challenging since your focus is split among several tasks.

• Control Interruptions: Prevent distractions by silencing your phone and checking emails only 1 – 2 times daily. Carve out 1 – 2 hours daily where you have no interruptions. Let those who need to know that this is your boundary and why.

• Communicate: When you feel that the demands and volume of work are too overwhelming, talk calmly and professionally with your employer. Your employer must be aware of your concerns to address them. If you have thoughts on a solution, share them.

Conclusion

OnePoll surveyed 2,000 employed Americans to find their reasons for quitting their jobs. The result is that 55% left their careers to find a better work/life balance. 

 

We understand that ongoing work/life stress can impact our well-being physically and mentally. Aside from finding a different career opportunity, there are positive steps that we can take to improve the work/life balance. 

 

Living a healthy lifestyle is essential to improve coping abilities and decrease stress. Taking short breaks throughout the day helps us to refresh and clear our minds. 

 

Creating a daily plan for work and personal tasks and time management allows us to take control of achieving our goals. Communication with colleagues and leadership is key, as well as taking control by reducing interruptions and eliminating multitasking. 

 

Regularly practicing the preceding strategies can lead to good habits that will help you find a balance between your personal and professional life. 

References:

 

https://www.sleepfoundation.org/physical-health/diet-exercise-sleep

https://www.onepoll.us/portfolio/wisetail-the-great-resignation/

 

Overcoming Success Anxiety

Success anxiety is a surprisingly common yet often overlooked challenge faced by individuals who achieve or are on the verge of achieving their goals. While success is typically seen as a positive outcome, it can also bring pressure, self-doubt, and a fear of losing what has been gained. This type of anxiety can hold you back from enjoying your accomplishments and even cause you to sabotage future opportunities. Understanding and overcoming success anxiety is essential for maintaining your achievements and finding true fulfillment in them.

 

1. Embrace Imperfection

 

Perfectionism often fuels success anxiety. Accept that mistakes are part of growth and allow yourself the grace to be imperfect. It’s okay if things don’t always go as planned.

 

2. Celebrate Small Wins

 

Instead of focusing solely on the next big achievement, take time to celebrate small victories. Recognizing progress helps reinforce a positive mindset and alleviates the pressure to always do more.

 

3. Reframe Your Thoughts

 

Challenge the negative thoughts that arise with success anxiety. Shift your focus from fear of failure to thoughts of growth, learning, and new opportunities that success can bring.

 

4. Set Healthy Boundaries

 

Success often leads to increased demands on your time and energy. Setting clear boundaries with work, personal life, and obligations can help you manage stress and avoid burnout.

 

5. Practice Mindfulness

 

Mindfulness techniques like deep breathing and meditation can help you stay grounded. These practices reduce anxiety by keeping you present rather than worrying about future success or failure.

 

6. Focus on the Process, Not Just the Outcome

 

Shifting your attention to the journey rather than obsessing over the outcome can ease anxiety. Enjoy the steps to reach your goals rather than fixating on the results.

 

7. Keep Perspective

 

Remind yourself that success does not define your worth. Your value as a person is independent of your achievements. Keeping this perspective helps to minimize anxiety about maintaining or losing success.

 

8. Share Your Feelings

 

Success anxiety can feel isolating but talking about your fears and concerns with trusted friends, family, or mentors can provide support. Often, sharing your struggles takes away some of the power anxiety holds.

 

9. Accept That Anxiety Is Normal

 

Understanding that feeling anxious about success is natural can help you stop fighting it. Accept the anxiety, but don’t let it control your actions. You can learn to coexist with these emotions while still moving forward.

Give Yourself Permission For Self-Care

The practice of self-care means taking care of your physical and mental health and being aware that you must take care of yourself as the highest priority. Self-care increases stamina, reduces stress, and decreases the risk of illness, so we must treat ourselves as number one to thrive and be strong.

 

Still, we may think putting ourselves first is selfish or egotistical. Others are challenged with low self-esteem, making them feel like they don’t deserve to be first. Some people think they must do everything for everybody and will put aside their goals to assist others. These scenarios impact our self-esteem, keep us from pursuing our goals, and foster self-care neglect.

 

We must understand that if we don’t care for ourselves, we won’t be able to help anyone else, we may feel stressed, and our health suffers. When our mental or physical health is poor, we lose motivation and energy, and our quality-of-life decreases.

 

How can we treat ourselves compassionately and make self-care a part of our daily routine? 

 

About Self-Care

 

The World Health Organization explains that self-care is “the ability of individuals, families, and communities to promote health, prevent disease, maintain health, and cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a health worker.”

 

The National Library of Medicine published a study on the role of self-care related to stress and mental well-being during the COVID-19 pandemic. A tool, the Self-Care Activities Screening Scale (SASS-14), was used to evaluate the study participants. Four main areas were considered:

 

• Health consciousness

• Nutrition and physical activity

• Sleep quality

• Interpersonal and intrapersonal coping strategies

 

The result of the study is that self-care significantly improves our well-being. However, the higher a person’s perceived stress level, the more challenging it is to practice self-care.

 

Self-Care Basics

 

Reduction of perceived stress is essential for self-care. The following are basic strategies to help you cope with stress and lead you to a healthy lifestyle.

 

Embrace Healthy Foods: Nutritious meals can improve your energy and brain power. Healthy foods include fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean meats, fish and seafood, nuts and seeds, beans, low-fat dairy products, and unsaturated oils, such as olive oil. Avoid fried foods, salt, sugar, fast foods, cakes and pies, and too much caffeine. 

 

Sleep Well: The Sleep Health Foundation recommends that adults aged 18-64 sleep 7 - 9 hours and adults over 64 sleep 7 – 8 hours nightly. Avoid actions that might keep you awake at night, such as caffeine in the afternoon, using electronics before bedtime, and taking long naps during the day. You can foster a good night’s sleep by exercising during the day, going to sleep and waking up at the same time daily, and ensuring that your bedroom is quiet. 

 

Every Workout Counts: Exercise helps to relieve stress and make you stronger mentally and physically. Choose an activity that you enjoy, such as a brisk walk, and strive to exercise at least 30 minutes daily.

 

Stay Connected: Among many benefits, having good friends can relieve stress and promote happiness. The Mayo Clinic reports that friends help you cope with traumas, improve self-confidence, and reduce your risk of health problems.

 

Time Management and Boundaries: The night before, create a to-do list for the next day and prioritize each item. This “roadmap” for the day will help you focus on the tasks that must be completed. Work through your goals and tasks in priority order. Also, consider setting boundaries to prevent interruptions to your plan. For example, if you block out 3 hours to focus on a task, let those who need to know that you aren’t available during that time. 

 

Conclusion

Taking care of yourself is essential to reduce stress and reap the benefits of good health and happiness. In our busy lives, we may feel we don’t have time for self-care, thus impacting our health and energy and limiting our capacity to help others. Remember that you are not being selfish by treating yourself as number one and setting boundaries is not rude. These are necessary concepts to help you cope with stress and boost your well-being.

 

References

 

https://www.who.int/health-topics/self-care#tab=tab_1

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8678542/

 

https://www.sleephealthfoundation.org.au/sleep-topics/how-much-sleep-do-you-really-need

 

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/friendships/art-20044860

 

Breaking The Chains: The Power Of Releasing Your Past

As important as the past is for learning lessons and remembering successes, it's equally important that you don't let the past keep you chained there. 

 

Like the stereotypical high school jock who perpetually lives in the past because those were the best days of his life. Or the woman who can't build healthy relationships because never recovered from her college boyfriend's infidelity. 

 

The negative parts of our past have a way of clinging on, wrapping its tendrils around you and despite your attempts at remaining in the present, the chains of the past remain wrapped tight. You carry the weight of those chains into every experience, and whether it's negative or positive, it has a powerful impact on your present life. There can be great power in releasing your past and breaking those chains. 

 

Moving On

 

One of the greatest challenges people face is breaking free from the chains of their past. It could be a past mistake, a stinging heartbreak, or trauma from a difficult experience; all of your life experiences impact your emotional and mental well-being. 

 

Dwelling on the past, however, will only keep you anchored to a period of time that you should have left behind. That time no longer exists, yet it's rooting you there and preventing you from living in the here and now. 

 

The first step to breaking those chains is acknowledging your past and accepting it. It's an essential part of the process, you have to confront the unresolved emotions and pain that you've buried deep, which will require self-reflection and a whole lot of courage. By facing your past head-on, you remove the power it holds over your present moment and the future. 

 

Forgiveness is another step necessary to break those chains. Whether it's forgiving yourself or someone else, a lot of people hold onto grudges over things that happened. It's important to remember that forgiveness doesn't mean that you forget what happened. 

 

If someone hurt you or wronged you, forgiving them isn't forgetting the harm they caused you. It doesn't mean making up and being friends either. It's a conscious decision to let go of the painful emotions that have lingered since the experience. Forgiveness isn't for them, it's for you. 

 

The Power 

 

Perhaps one of the most vital aspects of breaking free from the past's chains is self-compassion. 

 

Self-compassion simply means that you treat yourself with the same understanding and kindness you extend to your closest friends. You treat them with care, and you offer them a gentle response, but you are your own worst enemy – your harshest critic. You hold yourself to an impossible standard and when you slip up, you give yourself merry hell. Self-compassion provides a nurturing environment to foster healing and growth. 

 

Mindfulness is another powerful tool for breaking the chains of your past. 

 

Mindfulness is all about focusing on the present moment, observing your thoughts without judgment, and acknowledging your feelings without opinion. Mindfulness practices like deep breathing, meditation, and body scanning help you develop the ability to let go of the past, dismiss intrusive thoughts, and focus on the beauty of the moment. 

 

An essential part of personal development as a whole, and particularly breaking chains, is setting boundaries. Boundaries protect you from negative behaviors, and repeating patterns, and help you use your time and energy more wisely. Boundaries help you create space for change and growth. 

 

Final Thoughts 

 

While the process of breaking the chains of your past can be difficult, it is possible. Above, you have a step-by-step process to do just that. It will take some time, but if you're committed to the process, you will need a combination of self-awareness and forgiveness, self-compassion, and mindfulness, as well as boundary-setting. 

 

Work on establishing a forward-focused mindset because this journey will require resilience and dedication. In return, you will benefit on a profound level. Your life will be free from the burdens of the past and filled with an endless number of possibilities. As you let go of the past, you open yourself to growth, healing, and the recognition of your potential.