Showing posts with label Kindness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kindness. Show all posts

Sunday, 25 September 2022

Life After Divorce: Landing On Your Feet


Someone once said that to move on after a relationship takes half the time you spent together. So, if you were in a one-year relationship, it’s okay if you take six months to wallow and reminisce.

 

Yet, that can be much harder to apply to divorce. The waiting period for getting over a marriage that quite possibly spanned the better part of a decade, probably longer, surely takes time. But, you can’t spend the next couple of years of your life feeling sorry for yourself, crying over the marriage that wasn’t meant to be.

 

Your only option is to find ways to get back up and land on your feet. We’re confident that you’ll find yourself again in your time. But, in the meantime, here are a few tips to help get you started.

 

1. Change Your Viewpoint

 

After you’ve been with your partner for so long, it’s natural to feel like you’ve strayed from who you are as an individual. So, after a divorce, you have to re-adjust the way you look at things.

 

Getting a divorce is no longer the stigma that it once was. Just because you’re not with someone doesn’t mean your life is empty or meaningless.

 

On the contrary, you can schedule more time to spend time with friends and family. In addition, you’ll notice that you have more freedom to choose new furniture and try out new recipes.

 

2. Learn from Setbacks

 

Setbacks are disheartening for anyone. Yet, they seem to be more caustic when you’re going through a divorce because, let’s face it, it’s a pretty painful stage of life. There’s no way to sugar-coat it.

 

But, you can teach yourself to make the most of each setback. For example, painful as it may be, you have to look at what went wrong in your relationship.

 

Don’t lay blame; simply lay out the facts. This way, you can use that anger and disappointment to understand what you want and don’t want in a relationship.

 

You can also take this time to work on your own insecurities and failings. As a result, you’ll move from feeling helpless and weak to feeling more empowered and capable.

 

3. Give Yourself Credit

 

As you pick up your life piece by piece, don’t fall into the bottomless pit of feeling sorry for yourself. Instead, be proud of all your hard work and how far you’ve come.

 

You may still not be at the point in your life where you’re making real progress, but you’ve taken plenty of positive steps forward. Celebrate those.

 

For example, give yourself credit if you’ve just made a phone call you’ve been dreading or learned how to do something that was previously your partner’s domain. Those little successes in your daily life should be valued and celebrated.

 

4. Be Grateful for What You Have

 

One way to land on your feet after a divorce is to count your blessings. Look around you at the things you have and the people who care for you. Register as many positives as you can to help you appreciate your life now just as it is.

 

Then, any time you begin to feel sorry for yourself, remember those moments when you felt unheard and unloved by your partner. You probably felt lonely and dejected.

 

Compare that with the support your friends and family give you. Even if you’re on your own, you now have the freedom to go out and make new friends. You can try volunteering, enrolling in a class, or simply becoming a more active member of your community.

 

5. Schedule Things to Look Forward To

 

After a divorce, you’ll find that you probably have more free time than before. You have to learn how to use that time wisely.

 

Don’t spend it all catching up on chores, work, and running errands. Instead, carve out some time for yourself each day–even if it’s just for five minutes.

 

Doing things that you enjoy, like gardening, painting, or just taking a walk, can help lower stress and anxiety. It can also brighten up your mood and add a bit of happiness to your day.

 

Other ideas include:

 

  • Joining a book club
  • Attend a local art gallery
  • Go to a museum
  • Host game night and invite a few friends over

 

Conclusion

 

Think of divorce as the end of one path and the start of a new one. But on this one, you’ll do most of the walking alone.

 

The trick is to not look at it as something scary. Instead, take this time to rediscover yourself and embark on a new adventure full of exciting possibilities.

 


Saturday, 25 June 2022

7 Tips for Restoring Your Self-Worth After a Toxic Relationship


Well, that didn’t go right.

 

We walk into a relationship with so much enthusiasm. We think what we’ve found is the best thing in the world, which is a heady feeling for while it lasts. Sadly, when a relationship is toxic, we’re frequently the last to know. By the time we escape, our self-worth has already taken a hefty blow. 

 

So, how do you restore positive feelings about yourself after a toxic relationship?

 

Release Your Victimhood

 

The more you focus on what happened, the more you get stuck, so the sooner you can quit revisiting the past and dwelling on perceptions of ill treatment, the sooner you’re going to put all this behind you. This doesn’t mean to say this was your fault, but obsessing about the ‘shoulds’ and going back over every encounter is only going to hurt you regardless of whether you were in the right or not.

 

Drop the Blame

 

Was it your fault? Not. The sooner you can let go of any residual guilt or bad feelings about the relationship, the happier you’ll be. The next step should help.

 

Silence Their Voice 

 

The problem with toxic relationships is you tend to believe what the other person said about you, no matter how outlandish it seemed at the time. Now their voice is there, lurking in your head to remind you of all your so-called shortcomings at every opportunity—time to tell them to shut up once and for all.

 

Embrace the New You

 

Find joy in being single. Spoil yourself. Do that thing you always wanted to do. Take lessons, build your skill set as you build yourself up. Become your own best friend in a way that doesn’t require validation from any outside source.

 

Believe Your Friends 

 

You hear the compliments, but they’re going in one ear and out the other. Rather than brush off the nice things, people around you are saying, start listening. Listening until these words become a part of who you are.

 

Create Goals You Love

 

What would you like to do with your life? Too often, our goals reflect the needs and desires around us. Now is the time to reverse this. Accepting you are capable, and your goals are worth fighting for, what do YOU want to do? 

 

Affirmations

 

Work through the worst offenders of negative self-talk through positive affirmations. Take note of what you’re telling yourself. Rewrite the script and turn these statements around into affirmations that you read to yourself every day.

 

Remember, this is a process and is likely to take time. By reminding yourself of just how amazing you are, and focusing hard on these steps, eventually, you will start feeling the difference even if you don’t see it yet. Hang in there!

 


The 7 Keys for Improving Relationships

 

Human life is full of moments with people. These are people we build relationships with. And relationships aren’t just confined to people who are actually related to us—we can have a relationship with anyone we interact with. And it is because of this ubiquitous nature of human relationships that we constantly strive to improve them. In fact, when we are improving our relationships with people, we are actually improving ourselves. If we are looking for personal development, this is one of the most concrete ways to go about it.

 

Whatever the type of relationship may be, however simple or however complex, its enhancement basically boils down to the following simple keys.

 

Commitment

 

For your relationship to blossom, commitment is an important prerequisite. You have to commit to the other person in terms of your thoughts, your words, your expressions and you have to show it to them by investing time in them and putting in the right efforts to grow your relationship.

 

Freedom

 

You shouldn’t bind the people you are in a relationship with. Just as you want your freedom, the other person wants their freedom too. Respect that and you will find the relationship going forward.

 

Respect

 

You need to respect the other person’s feelings and emotions, likes and dislikes, wants and desires and so on. Respect them for what they are, for what they stand for and do not expect them to change for you.

 

Support

 

Being in a relationship means supporting each other. You have to help them in their aspirations and in their joys and sorrows. This will only get back to you—if you support the person you have a relationship with, they are going to support you too.

 

Equality

 

No one is higher than the other when they have a relationship. At least, you shouldn’t harbor such feelings in your mind. If you are connected with a person for some reason, then you need to think of them as equal to you. You need them just as much as they need you.

 

Resolving Conflicts

 

It is not that everything will be hunky-dory always in your relationship. There will be conflicts. You will argue; you will have alterations. But, when you are fostering a relationship with someone, it is essential that you resolve all these conflicts with them in a constructive manner, without demeaning each other and through fruitful discussion.

 

Trust

 

If you want the people you are in a relationship with to trust you, then you need to trust them first. Trust is the foundation on which a relationship is built.

 


Top 5 Relationship Killers that You Must Avoid

 

Relationships are made and broken all around us. At such times, we become apprehensive about our own relationships. We try to protect what we cherish the most. We try to look at ways and means how we can keep our relationship flame burning. However, at the same time, we don’t realize that there are things we may do that can destroy a beautiful relationship. Actually speaking, it is these things—which are mostly behavioral traits—that we need to avoid.

 

Possessiveness

 

It is good to be a little possessive about your partner, but if you are too possessive, then it can only backfire. You shouldn’t, for example, hog all of their free time. You shouldn’t be jealous of the other people they move around with. Give them their life to live; if you are confident about them, you will always remain the most important person in their life.

 

Restrictions

 

Too often, in a relationship, we tend to make people act in the way we want them to act. We tell them to avoid doing certain things they like and do certain things they detest. This is restrictive behavior. If you put yourself in their place, you will find that this kind of behavior can be stifling. A time may come when your partner eventually snaps and walks out.

 

Asking for Change

 

You need to realize that your partner is a different person. They have been brought up in a different way from you and they have a personality that is different from yours. You shouldn’t want them to become like you; it is best if they remain the person they were when you first decided to have a relationship with them. Even if your partner is willing to change, it will be unacceptable to them as well as you.

 

Complacency

 

When you are in a relationship, you have certain obligations. You need to do a few special things keeping your partner in mind. It is not just about remembering their birthday and showering them with gifts, but you also have to give them a good ear when they want it, a shoulder to cry on when they are looking for one and a motivational word when they need it. You cannot let your relationship grow all by itself; it won’t.

 

Competition

 

Even within the staunchest of relationships, there is always an element of skepticism. You shouldn’t do anything to aggravate that feeling. For example, it is best not to be too friendly to other people if your partner is feeling threatened by them. Casual banter is all right, but you need to draw the line with your other people when you are in a relationship with someone.



Monday, 6 June 2022

Don't Let Disagreement Ruin a Relationship


Relationships are never easy, and, likely, you and your partner don't agree on everything under the sun. This is natural, and every couple deals with this. However, you want to be careful not to let disagreements ruin your relationship. So, what is the best way to keep this from happening? 

 

Don’t Avoid Arguments

 

When you know you and your partner don't agree on something, it can sometimes seem like a good idea to avoid the argument completely. For example, your partner will ask if something is okay with you and because you don't want to upset them with an argument - you lie and say you are feeling fine. This lying is not the solution because now your partner has false information about the relationship that they may use to make future decisions. These decisions will only cause future problems rather than just answering honestly and resolving the issue right now.

 

Never Let Your Agreements Get Personal

 

You've seen it in a million TV shows, the couple is arguing over who needs to do the dishes, and then one of the parties brings up an unrelated incident that happened months before that they are still upset about. Getting too personal transforms the argument into an attack of the person's character and makes it much worse than just the incident at hand. When this happens in an argument with your partner, you must realize that this is no longer a constructive argument and needs to end before someone's feelings are hurt. 

 

Agree to Disagree

 

Suppose you notice that an argument between you and your partner is beginning to escalate to the point where someone could say something that hurts the other person's feelings or could damage the relationship permanently. In that case, it's time to agree to disagree. 

 

Despite what people may think, agreeing to disagree is a resolution to an argument. And by employing it in an argument you are having with your partner, it is the same as saying you respect their opinion, but you will never see the same way, so you respect them enough to stop arguing before someone gets hurt. 

 

Overall, it can be difficult not to let a disagreement ruin a relationship. But if it’s a relationship worth fighting for, then always remember not to avoid arguments, don’t let them ever get personal, and agree to disagree if you come to a point where there is no other resolution to the argument at hand. 

 


How Can I Be More Supportive To My Friends?


Sometimes it can be difficult as an adult to know how to support your friends. And honestly, there is no one way for you to support all of your friends. The support you should show to your friends will vary widely on their personality and their unique situation. Below are some of the most common ways you can show support to your loved ones. 

 

Make Time For Them

 

As humans grow and change, they tend to have less and less time for their friends. This is why, when you make time for your friends, it shows that you truly do love and support them. This doesn’t mean you have to clear your calendar, but maybe you invite friends along to certain activities or cancel that one thing you don’t need to do so you and a friend can grab a quick coffee after work. 

 

Listen

 

You’ve heard it time and time again, but listening is truly the best way to support anyone who may be in your life. Humans need to let go of their emotions through communication. And sometimes, just listening is enough to make the person who is venting feel supported in their endeavors. 

 

Push Them And Celebrate Their Achievements

 

Whatever your friend may be pursuing, if they confide in you that they need your help, now is the time for you to give them a little push! Maybe they are tired and don’t want to go to the gym. You could offer to go with them or help remind them of a goal they made. And when they get out of bed and complete the task they felt they couldn’t do, you should be celebrating this achievement with them. You may be surprised at how far a simple “good job” can go! And if they conquer a big goal, you should make an effort and offer to celebrate with them! After all, a true friend is ecstatic when their friends may big steps in life!

 

As you age, it can become increasingly difficult to know how to support your friends. But don’t fret, as long as you make time for them, listen, and then help push them towards their accomplishments, this will help them feel supported! And if they accomplish something big, you should be just as happy for them as you would be for yourself, as this will truly show your support for all of their endeavors in life. 



5 Things I Learned From Overcoming Conflict


Conflicts are a normal part of life and they tend to happen in virtually every setting. Oftentimes, we avoid conflicts because they make us tense and anxious.

 

They bring up a lot of self-doubt and discomfort, which typically results in raised voices, increased heart rate, and saying things we don’t really mean.

 

Even worse, it leads to feelings getting hurt and, sometimes, to relationships being destroyed. No wonder we hate conflicts!

 

That’s why learning how to resolve conflicts peacefully can be life-changing. In fact, the more we expose ourselves to conflicts, the better we handle any situation, which helps us become more resilient.

 

So, to help you address conflicts the right way, here are five things I learned from overcoming conflict.

 

Teaches Us to Respect Other Viewpoints

 

The reason there’s a conflict in the first person is that there are two opposing viewpoints. But most times neither side gets heard properly, which leads to an altercation, even escalating to major problems.

 

This is why negotiations are so important, even if you’re confronting a loved one. It shows that we’re willing to be flexible and more open to accept the other person’s opinions.

 

That doesn’t mean you have to agree with them. It just means you have to be willing to learn how to be prepared to accept them and move on.

 

Gives Us a Chance to Verbalize Our Needs

 

People often take for granted who we are as individuals, even those closest to us. This stems from our lack of verbalizing what it is we want or need.

 

So, we carry grudges and bottle everything inside until we can’t take it anymore. That’s when conflicts arise.

 

The best thing you can do for yourself is to look at conflicts as an opportunity. It gives you the chance to voice your opinions and share your feelings. As a result, you become less fearful of asking for what you need.

 

Improves Our Communication Skills

 

Being a good communicator requires patience and self-control. As with most things in life, the more you practice good communication skills, the better you become.

 

And the best way to practice is through confrontations, no matter how hard they may seem. Yet, you have to look beyond the fear and be willing to share our thoughts and feelings in a calm, collected way.

 

You’ll quickly realize that the right words just flow out. So, when the need arises, you can prepare for what lies ahead.

 

Makes Us Better Listeners

 

The key to overcoming conflicts is to be a better listener. Many times we're so focused on what we’re going to say next that we don’t really pay attention to what the other person is saying.

 

That’s not the way to successfully win an argument or resolve a conflict.

 

To do that, you have to learn how to do things. First, you have to control your impulse to react and blurt out things haphazardly.

 

The second thing is to learn how to actively listen when someone talks to you. It’s through listening that you can gain a better understanding of the speaker, which enables you to make smarter, wiser choices.

 

Opens Our Eyes to New Ideas

 

One of the ways conflicts can be a useful tool is by allowing you to fine-tune your opinions and ideas. As different thoughts are expressed, how you look at things changes slightly.

 

When you hear someone talking about their viewpoint with regards to a certain topic, you can’t help but clarify your own. You either start modifying your opinion, or you become even more convinced of yours.

 

A third option is to take part of your ideas and part of theirs and come up with a whole new concept!

 

That’s the beauty of conflicts. They allow you to generate new ideas and mold new perspectives.

 

Then, when you realize there are more similarities than differences, you forge a bond. This bond leads the way to establishing trust and enhancing networking. Case in point, it just makes both sides better human beings.

 


Sunday, 5 June 2022

5 Signs You’re In An Abusive Relationship

 

There’s a common misconception about anyone in an abusive relationship. People think that it’s easy for the abused to know they’re in a bad situation. People assume it’s easy to move away from the abuser and start a whole new life.

 

Sadly, that’s far from the truth. Before we begin our article, there’s something important you have to remember. Abuse is all about manipulation and power.

 

Read on to find out whether or not you’re in an abusive relationship.

 

Signs You’re in an Abusive Relationship

 

Abusers are known for placing the blame on their victims. They create confusion and guilt, which they hide behind things like ‘protection’ or ‘playfulness.’

 

Does this feel like something you, or someone you love, are experiencing? If you answered yes, you have to realize this isn’t how a normal relationship should be.

Read the signs below. If you recognize any of them, it’s time to take action.

 

5. You Feel Pressured to Do Things

 

We all know the age-old love story of two people seeing each other’s eyes from a distance. Somehow, they know they’re meant for one another, and they can’t wait for their relationship to start.

 

An abusive relationship has traits very similar to that of this whirlwind romance. In the beginning, you’ll notice that an abusive partner is sweet and considerate. They’ll have plenty of nice things to say that make you feel like you’re special and truly in love.

 

You may feel that the words are nice, but they usually have a concealed urgency. This urgency is their way of gaining control over you as quickly as possible.

 

Do you feel like you’re getting pressured to start a relationship, get married, or have children? This can be a telltale sign you’re in an abusive relationship.

 

4. You’re Always in the Center of Their Impulsive Mood Swings

 

Mood swings are natural. We all have them for one reason or another.

 

What’s not normal is having to endure abrupt mood swings that come out of nowhere. Your partner may be sitting there all calm and nice. Then something triggers them off. They become insulting and furious for no reason.

 

After a few minutes, they return to their calm self. Not only that but they’re apologetic and swear to you they were only joking. These minute-to-minute changes in behavior create confusion and guilt.

 

There are two things to remember when you’re in a similar situation. One, this isn’t normal behavior. Two, this isn’t your fault in any way.

 

It’s important that you’re aware early on that this is dangerous territory. This is the time to take a step back and evaluate whether you want to continue with this person or not.

 

3. You Constantly Get Blamed for

 

Abusers accuse their victims of anything and everything that doesn’t go their way. They usually throw out accusations and blame without any thought or planning. As a victim, you get used to hearing these accusations on a regular basis. Soon, you begin believing it to be true.

 

Take note of whether this happens to you in your relationship. If you notice it happening often, you have to put an end to it.

 

Another thing you have to pay attention to is whether your partner keeps tabs on you. Do they want to know you are at every moment of the day? While it’s nice to have that kind of harmless attention, it’s a dangerous pothole to fall into.

 

2. You’re Made to Feel Isolated

 

One type of control abusers have is to keep you away from your family and friends. They give excuses like, “They’re meddlers” or “They’re trying to break us up.”

 

The whole point of doing this is that they want to make you feel isolated. They want you to feel dependent on them and only them.

 

Another way they isolate you is by gaining control of your credit cards or bank accounts. Or maybe you can’t go where you want without their permission.

 

All these force you to rely only on your partner. This gives them more and more power over you while making you feel less and less in control of your life.

 

Isolation in all its forms is dangerous and should be dealt with promptly.

 

1. You’re in a Constant State of Fear

 

Abusers will rely on intimidation tactics to frighten you. This keeps abuse victims are always in a state of dread and uneasiness. You’re scared of upsetting your partner, or that could insult you, or even humiliated in public. Then, there’s the fear of being physically assaulted.

 

Fear comes in varying degrees. It can even take a toll on your physical and mental health simply by eating away at your self-confidence.

 

It’s worth noting that even if your partner hasn’t physically abused you in any way, just being fearful is a bad sign. Fear shouldn’t be part of any healthy.

 

A Final Note

 

It’s not uncommon for abuse victims to play down the severity of the situation they’re in. Their abusive partners have drilled into their subconscious that they’re powerless and worthless. They wear down their self-esteem, until they truly believe everything is their fault.

 

If these five signs sound familiar, tell yourself that this behavior isn’t acceptable. You don’t have to put up with any of it.

 

That’s the first step. The second step is to try and salvage the relationship. Give your partner a chance to own up to their negative behavior. They could have it in them to change for the better.

 

If they fail to do so, it’s time to walk away. That may sound easier said than done, which is why reaching out to friends or professionals for support can help you make this transition more smoothly. By getting the right advice and having a reliable plan, you can feel safer about finding a way out.