Monday 23 May 2022
You love your partner, but sooner or later, a tough conversation needs to happen. While this is normal, (after all, what relationship doesn’t have its bumps along the way) how you handle those conversations will determine whether you come away from this particular conflict with a stronger appreciation for each other. This is why it’s so important to handle difficult conversations well.
How do you ensure you engage in the best conversation possible in these circumstances?
Start with Not Putting Off the Talk Longer than Necessary
Take time to count to ten or to take a few deep breaths before beginning. After all, starting with too much emotion will be more damaging than helpful. Once you’re cooled down though, it’s time to talk. Why is it better sooner rather than later? By putting things off, you tend to build up resentment and inflate the conflict. It’s important to address situations before they get out of hand. A small problem today is much easier to solve than a giant one several weeks from now.
Drop the Good News / Bad News Approach
No one likes waiting for the other shoe to drop, so instead of giving the compliment with a ‘but’ lurking to negate everything you’ve just said, just come out and say the bad news first. If you’re determined to add in the compliment, do so after the bad stuff is out of the way, so you leave the person on a more positive note.
Plan Your Conversation
Rather than blindside your partner with an uncomfortable discussion, let them know you have something you want to talk about. Make it clear you’re wanting to discuss something that affects your feelings, rather than starting out in an attack. There’s a vast difference between, “I’d like to talk to you sometime about your drinking” vs. “I’d like to talk to you about how I feel when I see you drinking so heavily.”
What Are Your Goals?
In any heavy conversation, you need to agree at some point on common goals. Working toward the same thing will help you find your way through the conversation to that eventual place.
Keep a Positive Spirit
Aim for optimism. Even if the conversation isn’t going how you would like it to, finding something to hope for will soften the outcome no matter what.
Difficult conversations are just that: Difficult. But having a plan in place will help you to get through them. Use these steps to build the framework of your conversation, and even if the outcome is bad, getting there won’t be as difficult as you think.
Sunday 17 April 2022
Merely hearing the word sadness, can already make your feel sad. Well, the truth is, nobody passes by in this world without ever feeling sad. It is a fact of life, amongst other natural emotions and it is one of the most common end results of a heart break. If not dealt right away, it could lead to more complicated situations like depression, stress, etc.
Though, being heartbroken is a circumstance you cannot control, how you react and how you handle your situation is something you can think through. This is where the invisible sadness pool comes to the picture. If you choose to drown yourself to your own sadness pool, then even if people around you try to give their helping hand, nothing can be done.
Another important thing to consider is that, your sadness pool may be invisible to others. People might see you just fine or even happy, while you are actually feeling so low in the inside. You see, it is only you who can swim in that invisible pool. But then again, the choice is always yours.
Heartbreaks can indeed, break you. it is one of the consequences of falling in love. This can be experienced not only because of a person, though. Heartbreaks can also be because of your passion, business, children, a long- time friend, family, etc. But of course, those that are romantic in origin almost always gets the spotlight. Romantic love is known for being the most bittersweet amongst all the other factors in the makings of sadness pools.
This is not telling you not to fall in love. Think of it more of a reminder on the importance of knowing how to enjoy the fall and being on guard at the same time. Have all these confused you?
When you start asking yourself questions like the title of this article, try looking for answers that are both objective and positive. Beautiful things, like a happy romantic relationship do fall apart. That is one fact that can’t be ignored. But why do breakups happen? How does one understand a breakup? Here are some points to ponder on:
· People grow, people change – like what scientists say, change is the only thing constant in this world. So, there will come a time when it will seem to you that the person you fell in love with is no longer the same. Though, the ‘change’ may not necessarily mean there is also a change of heart, accepting the ‘new person’ in front of you could be overwhelming.
· Falling out of love is possible – before you start calling your “ex” a liar, understand that the full-of-love-and-butterflies-in-the-stomach phase at the beginning of any relationship has an expiration date.
· Relationships, like an organic thing, have its own growth process – this is, one of the main and hurtful truths that is bitter to swallow. do you remember yourself asking “We used to…but now…why?” If you try to look at this question objectively, you will understand that this is actually geared towards the positive. How so? Can you imagine a relationship that is stagnant from start to present/finish? You see, personal development is also something that is affected by your relationships. And if your current romantic relationship doesn’t make you a better person, then breakup is inevitable.
If you would want a deeper take on the topic of this article, then eBooks in your smartphone are perfect for you. You can, not only read it at your own time and space (even while commuting to work or while in the toilet) it also comes handy-dandy as you will only be needing your phone, which actually, is already in your pocket.
Have you ever wondered why most love songs that top the charts are about heartbreaks? Not just that, movies about love and heartbreaks also becomes blockbuster hits and gain bucketful of tears at the same time. The truth is, heartbreaks can make, even the toughest person, a marshmallow – soft and vulnerable. This is why watching sad movies, listening to sad love songs, eating tubsful of vanilla ice cream and hitting the gym on wee hours feel so comforting. The previous activities relate the most regarding how mushy you feel inside. But, are there other activities that can make you come out of your marshmallow-like feeling? Surprisingly, here is the list:
· Make sure you have a support system – Depression is real. It is not simply one of the most-searched word in Google. It is experienced by real people and it is a difficult situation to be in. So, before things go out of hand, eat that tub of ice cream and set your goals. You cannot just stay on the couch. Reach out and let others reach out to you.
· This too shall pass - Just like all other experiences/hardships/achievements you’ve been through, a heartbreak will have its tipping point, and end. But, you need to help yourself in the process.
· It is okay to cry and acknowledge that you are hurting - Pretending you are okay when you are not will take you nowhere. The first step towards healing is accepting the truth. Once you acknowledge what is happening to you, then you could think of what to do next.
· The fault is not entirely yours – It takes two to tango; it takes two people to be in a relationship. So, when relationships fail, it is only fair to assume that both involved played a part. Stop blaming yourself and stop drowning in bitterness.
Try searching for “Spells for moving on,” or “how to use spells to move on.” You might think it sounds crazy, but the results might overwhelm you. You will learn that thousands of people search for moving on tips and will read or try “spells.” What is this fact trying to say? It is not to affirm the power of spells nor laugh at it. Look at it as simply a manifestation of the difficulties one has to face when trying to move on, especially from romantic relationships. So, how does one surpass the challenge of being stuck in the difficult part of letting of a failed relationship?
Without the help of spells, which could possibly go wrong especially when you’re not into memorizing long chants, here are doable tip from people who’ve been there, done that:
· Allow yourself to grieve – Sadly, in this fast world we live in (fast food, email, smartphones, etc.) even grieving is expected to be fast paced. Though, some people are okay with this, there are some who need longer time to heal. if you feel not yet okay, then accept that you are not. Do not hurry results only to regret at the end.
· Give your emotions names - This is simply telling you to make an effort to understand how you really feel. Is it sadness, stress or anger? Identify it to be able to address it.
· Try to learn new interesting things – This is to subconsciously teach yourself that endings may turn to new beginnings, if you give it a try and believe that it is possible. Remember that French class you’ve been hesitating to enroll in? Now is the best time to give it a try and so it also is for biking, hiking, pole dancing, taekwondo, etc.
Male, female or whatever gender you identify with, you are not exempted from the overwhelming experience of breakups. It is sad, stressful, painful and will make you need healing. The good news is that, many people come out from the experience stronger and ready to begin again.
But, the question is, why does it (romantic breakups) hurt so much? Why does it leave a lot of burned bridges, bitter words and sometimes, regrettable and uncalled for actuations even from the calmest of introverts?
Have you ever heard of the thing called “fantasy bond?” Well, according to studies, this is one of the main reasons for the “mess.” Fantasy bond is an imagined connection that people in romantic relationships develop. It is a false sense of security, feelings of the “other person” completed them, beliefs that one cannot live without the “other person” already, all of which are associated with heightened sensations that goes with falling in love. Imagine all of these inside your head and suddenly losing it all in the moment of a breakup. Breakups shatter fantasy bonds. It brings about a turmoil of negative emotions like self-doubt, insecurities and blame.
Well, life is how we see it and happiness is indeed, a state of the mind. So, even if we say that breakups and heartaches are part of life that can leave us devastated, coming out from it strong and positive is a choice.
May breakups teach you that endings are doors to beginnings. That is, if you can take happy memories from failed relationships and bury the bad with new memories. You are the captain of your ship, sail it to beautiful and colorful shores.
If you want to read more affirmations, especially those who are still in the midst of healing their broken hearts, handy eBooks, which you can read anywhere and anytime are abundant in the market. It is always helpful to read something positive every day.
Ever wondered why that “ex” of yours is sporting a wide smile days after your break-up? How about rumors that he’s been partying his night out with the boys? Do you smell something fishy? Yes, and you’re right. Something is surely brewing there.
Don’t feel sad if you think that it is only you who’s having difficult nights. Men could sometimes be so good at hiding their real feelings. They could even make themselves look like they’re having a really nice time when in reality, they are also in tears! Well, if you are would want to know tell-tale signs that something is amiss, here they are:
· They may pretend to be the busiest during the peak of their “brokenness” – the tendency is to fill their hours with work so that when they come home, they will be so tired and there will no time to think of how hurt they are. So, if you see them finally accepting that long-postponed promotion, or devoting their day-offs to the gym, give yourself a wink, because it only means that they are as hurt as you are.
· You may not hear from him for a while - most often, this awkward silence hurts a lot of women. But, the truth is, men, when overwhelmed tend to process things slowly in their minds and that is simply why they shut up. This is actually to give themselves time to think. So, don’t expect to hear an explanation or openness to talk days after your break-up.
· They tend to “sleep” things out and that could include sleeping with others – this is one reality that is difficult to accept especially if “sleeping with others” is already is involved in your relationship issues. This can be explained by the “flight mode” they turn on when badly hurt emotionally.
It’s between you having a bad case of near-sightedness versus aliens having already invaded planet earth and is playing with time. Why do you keep seeing your ex? She’s literally everywhere – you see her while buying your morning coffee, you see her during your lunch break, again at the gym, at a friend’s gender reveal party, while clubbing and even at the groceries.
Well, you are not hallucinating. The images are really her. That is because women have the tendency to follow you around after a break-up. But, don’t get your hopes up high. The reason could be because she’s making sure you are regretting your decision and that you are having the worst days of your life. Okay, so there would be some who would be wishing you happiness and all that stuff but, that would greatly depend on the reason of the break-up.
How do girls face broken heart? Hint: It’s not all vanilla ice cream-laden!
· They can be a bit aggressive – This is to counter your deadening silence. Don’t worry, most wouldn’t go over a slap and a pinch.
· They, indeed, have the tendency to follow you around – this is to check if you’re miserable or if the rumors (between you and an officemate) are true.
· They tend to get more attractive – one of the many things girls’ question after a break-up is the how they look. This is because, long term romantic relationships tend to make couples comfortable, even with how they dress and present themselves. So, after a break-up, they start remembering their secret stash of face clay masks and other stuff like snail goo.
· If a lot of friend requests are popping in your social media accounts lately, don’t flatter yourself much, it could be her – this is just to check you out without you knowing it’s her. Okay, these days, it’s called stalking but usually its harmless.
It is indeed a complicated world of relationships. To know more, remember that eBooks are today’s relationship dictionaries.
Relationships that have already turned toxic or are really toxic right from the beginning are sometimes difficult to recognize especially when romantic love is in between. What makes a relationship toxic and why do you need to think it through? One thing you really should be wary of is that, healthy relationships help you become more mature, inspire you to reach your goals, make you feel good about yourself, etc. In some cases, all of which that constitutes a healthy relationship becomes or is absent in your current relationship without you realizing it. The consequences are devastating and sometimes could cause too much stress, despair and even depression. So, in order not to succumb to too much negativity in your life, here are red flags you need to be aware of when trying to spot a toxic relationship:
- The blame game is ever present even in your petty arguments - Regarding who is at fault is not the focus of this red flag. Notice when your arguments tend to be thesis-like where you needed to defend yourself over and over again.
- Misunderstandings often turn to full blown arguments instead of healthy communication of feelings - Though it is natural to have misunderstandings in relationships, even considered healthy at times. Too much of it is a no-no. When you notice yourself answering to combat and not to listen and it is slowly becoming your habit in every misunderstanding you have with your significant other, then red flags are up.
- When you observe yourself being okay with not being true (to yourself and to the people around you) – Authenticity is one important characteristic of healthy relationships. If there is a need to be otherwise, then the red flag is up.
- When you unconsciously start the habit of “avoiding” – little by little, you avoid friends, family, and other things you use to love like biking, dancing and karaoke with friends. When this happens, the red flag sways fast. If a relationship requires you to change into someone you are not, question yourself and the relationship.
They say that when you know what will happen next, then the chances of getting badly hurt could be a notch or two, lower than expected. This is why, reading about expectations after a breakup, matters. What really happens after? Are you expected to be friends with your ex? How do you react when you see his or her mom in a grocery store? And lastly, will you ever feel okay again? Find the answers below:
- Some experiences that hygiene becomes a chore. The explanation could be that you are so focused on your emotions that your physical self is your least priority at the moment.
- Many reported wanting and needing to be alone for long periods of time. Well, this is understandable especially when you start processing the situation. Just make sure that you have a deadline for your ‘alone time’ as too much of it could be a sign of depression already.
- Some process breakups for months while others take days or years. A simple reminder that we are all unique individuals.
- Because of feeling too much emotions at the same time, appetite-loss or increase in appetite could be experienced. This explains why people lose or gain weight during the process of moving on.
- There will be lonely days ahead. You are human, and relationships create connections, healthy or unhealthy bonds, etc. This is why breakups will make you feel lonely. You invested in it emotionally.
- There will be times when a song, movie or restaurant could make you cry like a baby. This could be embarrassing to experience, but memories are such tearjerkers that tears could fall even if you try so hard to distract your mind. The heart feels, indeed.
To answer the questions above is to say, NO. You are not expected to be friends with your ex. Yes. You will one day move on and become a stronger person.