5 Signs You Are Way Too Guarded

All of us have run into times when we were hurt or felt like someone took advantage of us. And everyone has a bit of a guard up as they get older, forcing them to be more selective about the people they talk with and the information they share. This can give us some protection, but at some point, we can become too guarded and refuse to let anyone into our lives again. 

 

When you are way too guarded and have put too many walls up around you, it can be almost impossible for you to let someone in again. You may be open to love and want to find someone to spend your life with, but every time someone gets close, you shut them down and push them away. How can you tell that you are too guarded and that this problem is causing a big issue in your life?

 

When we are guarded, we will take normal situations and overthink them or assume that there is something wrong with having them in our relationship. There are several signs that you are acting way too guarded and it is starting to harm your relationships. These signs include:

 

• You swallow all your emotions: You decide to push all of your emotions down and never bring them up because you are desperate for things to be different from the last time. While this may sound like a great idea, pushing the emotions down will just make them explode worse than before.

• You have trouble with intimacy: When someone tries to be intimate with you, you decide to play it off as a joke. You may do this to try and protect yourself, but it ends up hurting the other person, which is not a good thing either. You may notice that feelings overall are going to make you uncomfortable. This can include all types of emotions, from having them, talking about them, and seeing others on screen displaying them.

• You are very critical: You are critical and try to play things off as cool to not talk about your emotions. You may feel that this keeps people at a distance, and it does. They will sense your attitude and run for the hills, especially if they would like a commitment.

• Your personality is intense: Those who have their guard up quite a bit are going to play a part, trying to show off how amazing they are, even when they feel down in the dumps. This can often be overdone, and most people can see right through it. You need to be your true self, not someone else.

• You see commitment as an ultimatum: If the other person wants you to commit, it can feel like a bad thing, even though most would see it as a good thing. People who are guarded see this as a big ultimatum, rather than a great milestone that should be next in a relationship. You may feel like your partner is trying to ruin a good thing by pushing it forward, rather than just letting things be. Your emotions can get the best of you, and it can lead to a fight that will end the relationship. 

 

When you exhibit several of these signs or more, it is a red flag that you are pushing people away and need to look at a new approach. If you have been hurt in the past, it is normal to put these walls up to provide yourself with some protection, but it is time to recognize the signs and bring them down if you want to experience true love again. 

5 Tips To Become A Better Listener

Most of us are good at talking and telling our stories, but when we want to make a lasting connection with other people, we need to take the time to become good listeners. We can learn so much about other people and how they interact with us if we can stop and listen to what they are saying and pay attention to some of their nonverbal cues as well. 

 

According to Harvard Business Review, listening well is a skill that can help you through many areas of your life. By learning how to become a better listener, you will be able to interact with anyone and make lasting connections that will help you succeed. Some of the tips that you can use to become a better listener include:

 

Pay Attention to Nonverbal Cues

 

Active listening means that you need to pay attention not just to the verbal cues that the person is saying out loud, but also to the nonverbal cues. This will tell you so much more than the words from the other person. There are a ton of nonverbal cues that you can consider listening for including body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. You will be amazed at what this can tell you. 

 

Repeat Back

 

This one can feel a bit unnatural at first, but you will find that it helps you to process what the other person is saying and shows them that you are paying attention. You don’t need to repeat everything but repeat the last few words back when they are done talking. It can keep you on track, helps the other person feel important, and gives you a few seconds to gather your thoughts. There is no reason to put it into your own words; repeat the words exactly as they were said. 

 

Ask Questions

 

You should ask more questions than you think is necessary. This will help the other person feel like you are listening to them and trying to understand what they tell you. And it is a great way to make sure that you are not overlooking the details. It is unlikely that you will ask too many questions at any time, so keep asking them to show that you are paying attention. 

 

Minimize the Distractions

 

It is really hard to pay attention to the other person if there are a ton of distractions going on around you. if you can’t focus in the room, maybe consider asking the other person to go to a new location so you can give them your full attention. Avoid interruptions, noise, and even your phone to make sure that you can give the other person as much attention as possible. 

 

Don’t Rehearse What You Will Say

 

One of the biggest mistakes that people will make when it comes to listening is that they spend more time rehearsing what they will say, rather than just listening. They want to sound witty or get their important information out there and they end up missing out on key details that would help them get along with the other person better. This is something that you need to avoid. 

 

Instead of rehearsing your responses, you should simply take a brief pause when the other person is done to compose your thoughts. You can think four times faster than the other person talks, so you will need to slow things down and learn to pay attention. Use that brainpower to stay focused so that you can take in as much information as possible, rather than focusing on something other than the person in the conversation. 

 

Friendly Persuasion: How To Get The Things You Want And Need

Life is made up of wants and needs. Whether we get our hands on those wants and needs depends on how good we are at convincing others to give them to us. But no one gives out anything without a convincing reason. That’s where your powers of friendly persuasion come in.

 

People generally gravitate towards friendly people. So, if you learn how to come across as nice and trustworthy, then you’ll be able to win over even the most difficult of people.

 

Yet, remember that persuasion is a skill that needs to be honed and perfected. To help you get started, we rounded up five persuasive strategies you can use to get the things you want and need.

 

Be Confident

 

When you talk with poise, you give off the message that you’re convinced of your idea and know that you’re going to get your way. This subconsciously influences the other party to just give you what you want.

 

According to a study done by the University of Leicester, ‘the single significant behavioral difference between persuaders and persuadees was in the expression of confidence.’

In other words, your ability to persuade people starts with your level of assertiveness. In other words, the more confidence you exude, the more powerful your appeal will be.

 

The great thing about confidence is that it’s easy to fake. If you just act confident, the person in front of you won’t be able to tell whether it’s real or made up. So, take a deep breath, stick out your chin, and show them what you’ve got!

 

Just make sure you don’t oversell it. You might come across as arrogant and cocky, which is a big turnoff for most people.

 

Start with a Logical Argument

 

Generally, people are persuaded by logic. Once they’re convinced that something is the right thing for them to do, then they’ll do it without question.

 

Say you’re trying to convince a co-worker to help you out with a pile of work. Their first reaction will be to resist and probably claim they have their own pile of endless files to deal with.

 

Nevertheless, if you use logical reasoning, you may be able to convince them that they’re the best person to help you.

 

You can also tell them that by working together, both of you will finish faster, which will make both of you earn points with the boss and help the company get projects done at a quicker rate.

 

Choose Your Words

 

It’s no secret that some words have more positive connotations than others. Those are the ones you want to use to win over your argument because they have a higher value than others.

 

They can go a long way in helping you persuade people to see your point of view and help you get what you want.

 

For example, ‘reasonable’ sounds much better than ‘okay,’ and a ‘lucrative’ deal makes it sound so much more exciting than simply a ‘good’ deal.

 

Now, we’re not suggesting you memorize a bunch of bulky words and stuff them in your conversation. All we’re merely saying is that you should put in a bit of effort to arrange your sentences for the best possible outcome.

 

For starters, you’ll come across as a skilled communicator. Not only that, but you’ll also sound more intelligent, coherent, and attentive—all of which make you more trustworthy and, ultimately, more persuasive.

 

That’s the power of rhetoric.

 

Highlight How the Other Person Can Benefit

 

Not only do people gravitate towards friendly people who make logical arguments, but they also need to benefit from whatever it is they’re doing.

 

Here’s another example:

 

Imagine that you’re trying to convince your friends to help you move. Of course, their first reaction would be to run for the hills. No one likes all the hassle and headache of moving.

 

But, if you tell them that you’ll have fun sorting through all your old stuff and that you’ll probably give some of your old things away, they may reconsider. You can also tell them that you’re getting pizza and drinks afterward, and they’ll be all in!

 

Use Subtle Flattery

 

You need to be savvy when using this tactic because it can be a bit tricky to master. Not enough flattery and the other party won’t have time to take it in.

 

On the other hand, too much flattery will come across as too blunt or pushy. Then, the other person will quickly catch on and they’ll feel like you’re bribing them with ill-appropriate remarks. Of course, this means you won’t get what you want.

 

Instead, give them sincere, well-thought-out compliments that boost their self-confidence and make them feel good about themselves. As a result, they’ll be more willing to listen to you and give you what you want.

 

5 Steps to Effectively Communicate Your Feelings in Relationships

In relationships, there’s communication, and then there’s effective communication. Communication is something that takes a lot of work, and once you’ve successfully positioned yourself as a communicator, the next step is to crack the code at being an effective communicator. If you’re at that step, try these 5 mini steps to help you along with effectively communicating your feelings. 

 

1. Allow Yourself to Feel 

 

Going into a conversation with guilt or apprehension about your feelings? That won’t help you or your partner. You’re completely allowed to feel whatever you’re feeling, and you’re also allowed to talk about those feelings. 

 

2. Label your Feelings

 

You’re experiencing these feelings, but are you reading more into them? Are you labeling them and trying to put into context the essence of your emotions? It’s not easy to do, but it’s a really important exercise for you to do on your own before opening up and sharing with someone else. 

 

3. Start with Yourself

 

If you’re extroverted or you like talking about your feelings a lot, your first inclination may be to talk it out with your significant other. That’s a great thing to do, but it begins with you. You’ll have a hard time processing everything if you’re influenced by someone else’s insight or advice. Start with yourself, and then work your way up to a discussion with your partner. 

 

4. Remember How Much You Matter

 

You matter to your significant other; your feelings matter to your significant other.  Keep this in mind and try to negate the potential fear or hesitation you may be experiencing. Swap those feelings for feelings of confidence and security in the strength of your relationship. 

 

5. Swap “You” for “I”

 

Whenever you get close to saying “You made me feel” or “You did this,” swap it for a personal statement. A conversation is helpful for you to share your perspective – not for you to point fingers at your loved one. Think about how you feel, why you feel that way, and what has happened to contribute to those feelings. 

 

Above all, when you’re entering into a conversation with your significant other, be happy that you’re taking this step. It’s excellent for you and even better for your relationship. Give yourself (and your partner) a pat on the back for working through something difficult, and keep yourself reminded of the light at the end of the communication tunnel – a happy, healthy dynamic between you and your partner. 

 

6 Reasons Unwavering Belief In Yourself Improves Your Relationships

You probably already know how having an unwavering belief in yourself improves your work life or even helps you be more confident in your everyday life. But were you aware of just how much having this kind of self-belief improves your relationships with others?

 

Think about these things:

 

You’ll be More Genuine

 

When we're unsure of ourselves, it's easy to adopt a persona, especially when around people we're hoping to impress. But how do others around you like the 'fake' you? Sooner or later, the reality always comes out, and when it does, your partner will feel betrayed. Even in non-romantic relationships, trying to be something you're not is a sure recipe for disaster.

 

You’ll Contribute More to the Relationship

 

When you’re unsure of yourself, you tend to let the other person make all the decisions or carry the weight of maintaining the relationship. 

 

While some people don’t mind taking the lead, this does lead to an unbalanced relationship which can even turn into codependency if you’re not careful. The question is, do you want a caregiver or a partner?

 

Confidence is Sexy

 

Ask anyone what they notice first about a person, and the answer which comes up more often than any other is, "Confidence." When you see someone who knows who they are, are comfortable in their own skin, and seem to have a clear view of where they're going, you’re just drawn to them naturally.

 

There’s Less Baggage

 

People who believe in themselves don't need to carry the opinion of others around with them anymore. For example, if your ex put you down, you don't care because you know you're worth more than this. More importantly, confidence frees you up to fully enter into new relationships with others without those old expectations or negative emotions to trip you up.

 

You’ll Argue Less

 

If you get into a disagreement with your friend or lover, you'll be less apt to take things personally and more willing to work through the problem. An important bonus? You won't be so caught up in the other person's opinion of you to where you put up with abuse or leave the argument crushed and broken. People with unwavering self-belief know when to walk away from the fight altogether.

 

You Will Be Respected

 

Finally, when you have a strong sense of self-confidence, you have a strong feeling of self-respect, which goes along with it. When others see you treat yourself as worthy of this respect, they are more likely to treat you with respect as well.

 

As a side note, relationships of every variety always work out best if you have a strong feeling of self-worth. The rest of the world already knows confident people are people worth knowing. Now, so are you.

How Can I Be More Supportive In My Relationships?

Do you feel like you aren’t supportive enough of your friends? Or maybe of your significant other? Being supportive in any sort of relationship is an important part of maintaining that relationship. This is especially true in a romantic relationship. Below are a few ways you can work on being more supportive in your relationships to ensure you keep them healthy and strong.

 

Check-In Frequently

 

Everyone has that one friend they haven’t heard from in a while. But the phone and internet work two ways. Don’t be afraid to message or call your friends to check-in. After all, they may be in dire need of support and may just have been too busy to reach out to you. You never know until you check. And even if you live with your significant other, it’s important to ask how their day was because they may not volunteer information that is bothering them until you ask. 

 

Just Listen

 

Sometimes, you may reach out to a friend and find that they need to vent about some things going on in their life for a few minutes. And the best way you can help this friend or significant other is just by sitting quietly and listening to their problems. If they want advice or help, you can offer it, but even the most put-together people just need to vent now and then.

 

Help Lower Their Stress

 

Although you may not solve a problem or situation your significant other may be facing, this doesn’t mean you can’t help lower their stress in other areas of their life. For example, if your husband or wife is experiencing a lot of stress at work, maybe take on a few of their household duties so that when they come home in the evening, they can just relax. You can also do something simple but nice for them, such as an offer to draw them a bath or a shoulder massage, anything which will lower their stress if even just for a few minutes. 

 

Conclusion

 

Being supportive in all of your relationships is no easy task. But you can start by checking in with your friends and significant other frequently, listening to them when they need it, and lowering their stress in any way possible. Not only will this improve your relationship with said individual, but it will also keep the relationship strong for years to come. 

 

6 Techniques Uncommon People Use Which Push Them Toward Success

Being uncommon doesn't seem very hard when you think about it. If you start with a sincere desire to do your best, add a strong belief in yourself, and keep a positive attitude throughout it all, you've gotten this down.

 

But how can you use being uncommon to get ahead? Typically, uncommon people tend to succeed in high numbers. But why?

 

Offer Just a Little Bit More

 

Uncommon people really do want to give their best. This includes finding a little bit extra to push them over the top when working or playing. Uncommon people look for the extra bit of customer satisfaction they can give. They also will go out of their way in relationships. 

 

Add in Some Encouragement

 

Uncommon people look for ways to build others up rather than tear them down. By being a motivator, they, in turn, wind up motivating themselves. It's hard to keep an uncommon person down. With a little encouragement, they really do accomplish great things.

 

Look for the Lesson

 

Did you mess up? Be uncommon in how you handle the situation. Instead of assigning blame, it's better to understand the disaster critically. What can you learn here? How will this affect you going forward?

 

Do Things Your Way

 

Uncommon people don't worry about how other people are getting their work done or try to adjust their process to match everyone else's. In fact, more often than not, these people are the ones who've worked out unique ways of getting the job done, which others later tend to adopt because they're so effective. 

 

Be Ready to Pivot

 

Having a plan is great, but every uncommon person knows how to adapt to changing circumstances. When you're able to show off this flexibility, those around you notice and appreciate your willingness to change. Especially if this shift involves looking outside the box for solutions.

 

Know People

 

An uncommon person doesn't stick to themselves. Instead, they get out there and meet people. While anyone can network, this person invests in relationships. That is why they always seem to know the right person at the right time. This doesn't mean you need to make everyone your bestie. It does, however, mean getting to know people beyond their business cards. Start by taking an interest and enjoying real conversations with people beyond "What do you do for a living?"

 

The takeaway here is fairly simple. Uncommon people aren't chasing success by ticking items off a list. They're finding it by taking an active interest in the world around them and in what they're doing. Isn't that the better way?

 

3 Simple Steps to Reprogram Your Mind

It is a known fact that our minds, more specifically our subconscious minds, control our lives. We are what we think or believe. Research has shown that there is a mind-body connection and that the mind can help us overcome health problems.

 

There are many ways to reprogram your mind: NLP, hypnosis, visualization, EFT, havening, affirmations and coaching. The method you choose will depend on your mind-set and budget.

 

You may feel able to make positive changes on your own with a little knowledge and some resources. You can find a ton of information online or by going to your local library.

 

If you need help then there are hypnotherapists, NLP practitioners, and coaches that can be hired to work with you.

 

Whichever route you choose one element that is crucial is your attitude. For any method to be successful in creating change in the subconscious you have to want the change and to believe totally in its success. You cannot succeed without this belief.

 

While every method is different, there are three steps that each method uses to reprogram your mind.

 

Step 1: Relax. To achieve relaxation you have to take your brain to Alpha level. This is the level where you are able to 'speak' directly with the subconscious. Alpha level brainwaves are experienced first thing in the morning as you first awaken and last thing at night just before you go to sleep. In Alpha level you are awake (conscious) and aware of your surroundings but your subconscious is fully alert and you are most responsive to learning and accepting new ideas.

 

You can achieve Alpha level by practising relaxation techniques.

 

Step 2: Visualize. Picture your goal as an image or movie with you 'in the moment'. It must be in the present so you must be living it. Use all of your senses to make it as real as possible. Tell a story and if you can add some humor even better. Your subconscious loves stories and it loves humor. By fully engaging your senses it becomes more real. Make the scenes really bright and colorful. Hear the sounds, Feel the emotions. Touch and taste things.

 

When visualizing always answer these questions:

 

• What can you see?

• What can you hear?

• What can you feel (Physical touch as well as emotions)?

• What can you smell?

• What can you taste?

 

Step 3: Affirm. While visualizing yourself living your goal it is also important to affirm this. You can either say your affirmations out loud or just think them. To make them even more powerful and effective you can write them down and display them wherever you will see them regularly throughout your day. You can also record yourself saying them out loud and listen to them first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

 

Affirmations must be:

 

• In the present tense.

• Said with positive conviction (You must believe in what you are saying).

• Include emotion.

 

For example: I am giving a presentation to my department and superiors. I am standing at the front of the room. I feel confident and calm. I am speaking with conviction. I know my topic. My presentation is interesting and fun to give. The audience are listening intently. They are smiling and nodding their heads as I speak. My voice is confident and easy to hear, even at the back of the room. I am standing tall wearing my favourite navy suit. I feel smart.

 

Knowing these three simple steps can help you successfully program your mind for positive change.

 

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5 Characteristics of Ambitious People

Many of us wish we knew the secret formula to being ambitious and driven. Why are some people so determined to make it that they work on weekends and holidays, while others are a bit laid back and easy-going?

 

That’s what we’re here today to find out. We asked successful people in several fields, and they all agreed on one thing: no one is born ambitious. Instead, it’s something that takes time, patience, and a lot of hard work.

 

Interested in finding out more? Scroll down for our list of five characteristics of ambitious people.

 

They Avoid Negativity

 

Ambitious people seem to be always in motion. They take whatever stressors their day brings and harness it to create something good, like more ambition.

 

Yet, they’ve trained themselves to be good at staying in balance. They don’t allow their emotions to take over their thoughts and actions.

 

With each bump in the road, they breathe and look at things from a clearer perspective.

They avoid getting sucked into the vortex of negative self-take, self-doubt, and indecision—all of which are the enemies of ambition. These negative emotions keep you from seeing your true potential because you’re afraid you’ll mess up or not measure up.

 

However, your only true competitor is yourself. So, focus on your goals, then strive to be better than you were last week. That’s all anyone expects of you.

 

They Invest in Personal Growth

 

Motivated people know the value of personal growth. They know that there’s a whole world of knowledge out there we still don’t know anything about.

 

So, they never settle. They’re always on the hunt for the next thing to help them improve in all areas of their life.

 

This doesn’t just have to be taking online classes and attending seminars. Many self-improvement techniques are free of charge.

 

One of the ways you can invest in yourself is by getting good, quality sleep every night. It’s also about eating right and working out several times a week.

 

The point is to make yourself a priority. Then, pretty quickly, others will take notice and see you as a priority as well.

 

They Surround themselves with Like-Minded People

 

Jim Rohn once said, “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” In other words, if you want to be more ambitious, you need to be around people who are doing the same.

 

No, it doesn’t mean that you have to replace your friends. But it does mean you need to have people in your life with the right frame of mind to encourage you to be better and do better.

 

These are usually the ones who know what they want and aren’t afraid to go after it. If there’s a mentor you know or some kind of role model, then make an effort to spend more time with them.

 

Also, try to make friends with successful people in various fields, not just the ones you’re interested in. We’re creatures of habit, so whatever makes them successful will soon rub off on you.

 

They Set Well-Defined Goals

 

It’s not just about the task of setting goals. Anyone can make a list of goals they want to achieve in the next week.

 

What ambitious people have become good at is breaking down their goals into smaller, more manageable tasks that they can actually achieve. Not only that, but they have a certain level of self-confidence that allows them to push through even when they don’t feel like it.

 

Say you’re thinking about starting a professional blog. Avoid the urge to jump right in and try to do everything at once. Instead, give yourself daily targets to hit.

 

Get a large calendar and pencil in one thing you want to get done for the next 30 days. These don’t have to be fancy or anything grand. They just have to motivate you enough to get you to the next day’s target, and so on, until you reach your big goal at the end of the month.

 

They’re not Afraid to Take Risks

 

Everyone is always telling you how rewarding it can be to step outside your comfort zone. Yet, taking risks doesn’t have to be daunting or scary.

 

You don’t have to climb a mountain or go swimming with the sharks or anything like that—unless, of course, that’s where your ambition lies.

 

We’re simply suggesting that in order to be ambitious and motivated, you have to be willing to make mistakes. You have to be okay with taking work-related risks and seeing which ones will pan out and which ones will flop.

 

If they pay off, then great! Take it in, be proud of your accomplishments, then move on to the next big risk.

 

If it doesn’t pay off, then use it as a learning experience. Grow from it, understand what went wrong, then move on to something different.

 

It won’t be easy, but you’ll come out stronger, wiser, and more motivated to do more.