This Prime Minister Understood You Don't Have To Be Liked to Get the Job Done

Margaret Thatcher became Britain's Prime Minister after winning the general election in 1979. She was the first woman to lead one of the major political parties in the United Kingdom. Previous economic troubles saw her take leadership in the middle of a recession.

 

Unemployment was rising dramatically. The British people weren't happy. Nevertheless, Thatcher didn't try to appease everyone by being popular. Instead, she took dramatic steps that didn't make many people happy with her.

 

Even so, she stuck by her guns. To say that she was unpopular at the beginning of her reign as Prime Minister is an understatement. The IRA tried to assassinate her in 1984. When someone tries to kill you, that's pretty much the height of unpopularity.

 

Nevertheless, she was so successful in turning around the economy that she served three consecutive terms. She enjoyed landslide reelections twice and is one of the most popular PMs in recent memory.

 

Nevertheless, she had this lesson to teach us about needing people to like us.

 

"If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing."

 

The best leaders are often well-liked. People respect their power and their achievements. When great leaders produce the results their followers are looking for, it's natural for them to enjoy popularity.

 

That's not to say that leaders should develop a dependence on being popular.

 

Margaret Thatcher understood this. She saw the inherent problem that can develop when approval becomes more important than delivering results.

 

You Don't Have To Be a Leader to Learn from This Lesson

 

You're probably not a politician. Very few people are. Maybe you don't long to become Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. It doesn't matter if you never throw your hat into the political arena. The lesson here is still relevant for so many of us.

 

If you want to accomplish anything, you can't worry if your actions will be popular or not. If you want to be popular, put everyone else first and worry about yourself last.

 

While helping others is an admirable character trait, you have to be careful. If you're doing it for people to like you, that's the wrong reason. Human beings can be rather fickle, which means your popularity can disappear quickly. 

 

No matter what you're trying to accomplish in your life, do it for the right reasons. It's easier to create the results you're looking for when you keep your eyes focused on the game plan rather than worrying about being popular.

Become Socially Confident by Questioning Your Negative Thoughts

Confidence gives you the ability to trust in yourself. You understand that you're going to make some mistakes. You're going to fail. But you keep going. You're confident that you can create a positive outcome. You also understand that any failure is not a declaration of who you are as a person.

 

It's just a thing. It's just something that happened, nothing more. You learn from it and then move on.

 

When you lack confidence you don't usually have that powerful belief in yourself. You question your ability to do something. Before you know it, you're lacking confidence in several different activities or responsibilities. That's because when you start to lose confidence in some aspect of your life, it can be unfortunately contagious. Low self-confidence can spread to every corner of your life and have a powerfully negative impact.

 

One way people develop a lack of social confidence is by believing their nagging inner voice. 

 

You know the voice we're talking about. It's incessant, always there, and it never seems to have a positive point of view. The "what if" scenarios it paints doesn't make a pretty picture. The next time you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk, simply do this.

 

Ask yourself if the negative thought is absolutely true without a doubt.

 

Just because you have a thought doesn't make it true. Think about previous beliefs you had that you learned were incorrect. You may have been pretty sure you were thinking the right way. Then reality or a life experience taught you a valuable lesson. Your thoughts are sometimes wrong.

 

Questioning Negative Thoughts Takes Away Their Power

 

People prefer to have their experiences reaffirm their beliefs. This is why socially confident people often create positive social interactions. Their confidence leads them to a place where their ability to create a positive social outcome is greatly enhanced.

 

When you stick to negative social beliefs you do the same thing. You listen to your inner voice. It tells you that nothing but bad is going to come from some interaction with another person. You believe that thought without questioning it. 

 

This makes you nervous. You focus on a negative outcome so much that you virtually guarantee it's going to occur.

 

To keep this from happening, answer your inner voice. When it starts talking to you negatively about a social interaction, ask why it thinks that way. Challenge it to prove what it's saying without a shadow of a doubt. Then began to pick apart the negative thought.

 

Instead of asking yourself what could go wrong, ask yourself what could go right. Stop thinking the negative thought and realize there's a possibility for a wonderful and positive outcome. This is a proven way to become more socially confident and capable.

Socially Confident People Know It's Not Always about Them

Sometimes a lack of confidence comes from internalizing your thoughts. You're thinking about what you are doing wrong, what you could do better, and why you aren't good enough to make friends or socialize in some other way. Those thought patterns can wreck your social confidence so much that you withdraw and simply avoid interacting with other people.

 

The socially confident person knows that the focus should be on others. That's what socializing is all about, isn't it? It's about interacting with others, not yourself. This is why social confidence leads to a person reaching out rather than inward.

 

You can start believing in your ability to interact with others by thinking about them and not so much about yourself. Ask them how they feel. Compliment them on their clothing. Get them talking about their thoughts and emotions rather than you focusing on your own.

 

This is just one way socially confident men and women approach human interaction. They also understand that if their effort at socializing doesn't work, it's not always about them.

 

You Can't Control Other People

 

Imagine the following scenario. You don't always feel comfortable in social settings. You're at a work event you had to attend. There are a bunch of people you don't know there. In fact, you only know a couple of people out of several dozen.

 

You decide to stake take a step out of your comfort zone. 

 

You approach someone, put a smile on your face, and introduce yourself. They begrudgingly return your greeting, and don't look too happy that you approached them. You stick to your guns. You make a comment about some workplace incident that happened recently. The person responds with a disinterested look and simply walks away.

 

How do you perceive that interaction?

 

The socially confident person doesn't care. She feels good about herself. She took a step out of her comfort zone and greeted a total stranger. That was big for her. She is learning to be socially confident.

 

It's not her fault that the other person is having a bad day or for whatever reason didn't want to communicate with her. She shrugs off the event and moves on to someone else.

 

Understand that you can do everything right and someone might not respond to you favorably. That's just life. Don't beat yourself up. You can never understand what's going on in another person's mind or in their life. You do what you need to do to build your social skills. That's all you can do. It's all you have control over, your own actions.

 

Be happy that you tried something when you weren't really comfortable. Congratulate yourself for the effort, knowing that everyone won't respond in a negative way to your attempts at socializing.

How to Stop Yourself from Sabotaging Your Own Success

When you sabotage your own success, you are using action or inaction that will undermine your progress and prevent you from accomplishing your goals. You will be hindering your own success. 

 

Some people may undermine their good intentions and defeat their long-term goals. If you take destructive steps like this, it can have a negative impact on almost every part of your life, including your career and relationships. 

 

This article will discuss self-sabotage and teach you ways to stop yourself from sabotaging your own success in life. 

Why Do People Develop Self-Sabotaging Behaviors?

 

There are various reasons why people may thwart their own progress. The causes can range from effects of prior relationships to issues experienced in childhood. Other reasons include coping problems and low self-esteem.

 

Self-sabotage may serve as a temporary coping mechanism for dealing with past traumas and stressful situations. However, it usually makes those problems even harder to deal with, and limits someone’s ability to move beyond them. 

How Can You Stop Yourself from Sabotaging Your Own Success?

 

You can overcome your self-sabotaging problems and replace them with self-confidence, with practice. Here are some tips to stop yourself from sabotaging your own success:

1. Recognize the Behaviors You Use to Sabotage Yourself

 

If you want to stop self-sabotaging, you must recognize the behaviors that sabotage you. Think about goals you may have had for years but have not yet accomplished. Are there areas where you put off making decisions? Do you suffer from a lack of motivation, in minor things as well as important things?

2. Understand Emotions that Lead to Self-Sabotaging Behaviors

 

Behaviors that cause you to sabotage your own success often stem from feelings of anger, anxiety, or worthlessness. Try to manage those emotions, so you won’t commit yourself to any behaviors that will have negative consequences. Check for warning signs of anxiety or anger before they can get out of control.

3. Change Unhelpful Thoughts, Emotion, and Behaviors

 

As you discover negative thoughts and emotions that trigger your self-sabotage behavior, challenge them. If you change one of those aspects, you can change the others more easily.

4. Develop Behaviors that Support You and Your Goals

 

After you identify and begin defeating the false thoughts and emotions that lead to self-sabotaging behavior, you can then begin rebuilding your confidence and self-esteem. 

5. Challenge All of Your Excuses

 

Pay attention to all the excuses you’ve developed when you don’t reach a goal, or when you fail in some way. Usually, the excuses are made to cope with your pain of failing. 

6. Don’t Feed Your Fears Anymore

 

Fears will not go away all by themselves, simply by your pretending they’re not there, or by pushing them to the side. If you don’t attend to fears, they grow stronger. Challenge your fears and see if they’re real and take actions to reduce fears wherever you can. 

7. Learn From Each of Your Mistakes

 

You’re probably the only one who sees yourself as a failure, but many people see themselves in the same way. Everyone will make mistakes – at home and in their professional life. Learn from those mistakes, rather than dwelling on them or burying them. 

8. Understand Your Limits

 

Don’t take on many things at once that you don’t have the capacity, control, or capabilities to handle. You can go after more than one objective, but don’t take on more than you can accomplish. Know what your limits are and stay within them. 

Final Thoughts

 

When you sabotage your own success, it makes life more challenging than it needs to be. There is a great deal of pressure in your life, which can translate into anxiety or stress in your career position and your relationships. 

 

Embrace your capabilities and your potential to be successful, and don’t let doubts or negative emotions keep you from becoming everything you desire to be. 

How to Deal with Constantly Feeling Overwhelmed

Do you get tense just thinking about all of the responsibilities you have? If so, you probably deal with feelings of fear, frustration, anxiety, and maybe even anger. Once in a while, you may deal with these feelings, but when it is each day for weeks or months on end, it is time to learn how to deal with them. 

6 Suggestions to Deal with the Constant Feeling of Overwhelm

Don’t let yourself get caught up in the struggles that come with an overstuffed plate. Instead, take these steps to help you deal with those constant feelings of overwhelm: 

• Try to Find the Primary Cause: Think about what is going on in your life or career. Ask yourself what is causing you to feel stressed and overwhelmed? Do you have an enormous project weighing you down? Is there something that can be delegated? If you can hand off the task, do so. If it is a large project, break it down into manageable steps. 

• Breathe Deeply: Feelings of overwhelm will leave you tense, and you may be breathing in shallow bursts. Slowing down to breathe from your diaphragm will help you lower your stress response. It will help you reassess what needs to be done.

• Establish Boundaries: You need to expect that you will disappoint people, but you will want to learn to tell people ‘no’ for your well-being. Do what you need to ensure your feelings of overwhelm do not overtake you. You may determine that you will not answer any email between the 9 and 10 AM hours so that you can focus on project work.

• Ask for Help: Sometimes, fighting overwhelm needs more than better calendar management. The listening ear of a friend or understanding HR personnel may be what you need to get through the day. They can help put things back into perspective.

• Keep a Journal: Journaling has many benefits. One of which is to help you clear your mind so you can process thoughts. Expressing yourself freely on paper will bring you much relief.

• Put Perfectionism in Its Place: We use perfectionism as an excuse to make some projects appear bigger than they are. It also encourages procrastination which means things pile up, and then you are overwhelmed at the mess. Instead, use your boundaries to determine if you really need to take on a particular project or if someone else can do it.

Fight back against overwhelm when you step back, assess the situation, take a deep breath, and ask for help.

Breaking Bad Habits: 5 Effective Steps to Overcome Negative Patterns

If you are fully aware that something is bad for you, why is it so difficult to stop? 70% of smokers report that they want to quit. People who abuse alcohol or drugs struggle to break free of their control over their lives. Many people carry unhealthy weight that could be lost if they exercised more and ate right. Why do so many people have trouble overcoming these negative patterns? 

 

Scientists funded by the National Institutes of Health (NIH) are searching for the answer to that question. They study what happens in our brains while habits are forming. They have discovered clues to why our bad habits are hard to overcome. They are working on strategies that will help us make changes we need to make in our lives. 

 

Here are 5 effective steps for overcoming negative patterns and breaking bad habits:

1. Understand that Success Won’t be a Straight Line

 

As you begin trying to change, you will find setbacks and bumps in the road. They are parts of the important process of developing lasting change. You are your own worst critic, and you may view anything less than complete success as a failure. 

 

It may help to take the perspective of a third person and react as you would to a friend trying to change, instead of yourself. You would be reassuring and kind, rather than critical. Allow yourself the same treatment. 

2. Make an Achievable Game Plan

 

Start your journey with a game plan you can achieve. Just thinking about change isn’t normally enough to overcome negative patterns. Instead, use a journal – or your phone, or paper – and start with a plan. 

 

Gain some introspection into the changes you want to make. Consider:

• What is your main goal?

• Why is that goal one you want to achieve?

• Can you set smaller goals to help you reach the main goal?

• What things trigger your bad habit?

• What setbacks do you foresee?

• What types of coping strategies can help you deal with your triggers and your setbacks?

• What type of support system is available for you?

• How will you be tracking challenges and progress?

3. Keep Changes Simple

 

The reason it’s difficult to break your bad habits is that they are already automatic and easy. New behaviors are harder to adopt. Your brain has not yet taken them on. When you make your new goal behaviors simple, it helps in integrating them into your brain’s autopilot routines.

4. Practice Mindfulness

 

Mindfulness will assist you to develop an awareness of your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions. Simply observe the impulses related to your bad habits without reacting to them or judging them. 

 

As you develop awareness of your routine behaviors and those triggers that cause them, you can consider other available options, like not acting on your urges or avoiding cues that cause you to remember bad habits. 

 

Practicing consistent mindfulness will also help you in noticing ways in which your habits affect your life on a daily basis. As you begin recognizing those effects, it helps you to feel driven to change the bad habits. 

5. Cut Out Your Triggers

 

Cut as many triggers as you can from your life. If you usually smoke when drinking, don’t drink alcohol. If you eat whatever cookies you have in your house, throw them away. Make it easier to break your bad habits by avoiding whatever causes them. 

Conclusion

 

Once you have broken a bad habit, what’s the next step? You need to plan to prevent any relapse. Bad habits are difficult to break, and it will usually take multiple attempts to change. Remember to be compassionate with yourself, so you won’t give up when you encounter a setback or roadblock. That makes success much more probable.

References

 

https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-break-a-habit#be-mindful

 

https://www.heart.org/en/healthy-living/healthy-lifestyle/mental-health-and-wellbeing/how-to-break-bad-habits-and-change-behaviors

 

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/how-to-break-a-bad-habit-202205022736

 

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-to-break-bad-habits

 

The Art and Science of Setting Goals

Setting long term goals can feel overwhelming, and sometimes we don’t know where to start. In this article, we will cover 5 ways you can get a kickstart in learning the best ways to challenge yourself by setting long term goals, while still taking small steps with the present challenges and goals you still need to complete in order to get there. This article is intended to be a guide and stepping stone in making the choices that are best for you.

 

What are SMART Goals

 

SMART goals are a structured approach to setting, planning, and achieving your goals.

 

By breaking down goals into five essential components—Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound—the SMART framework offers a clear pathway to move from idea to action. 

 

This is a widely used method for setting goals in all areas from personal development and education to business.

 

Here’s a breakdown of what each component means and why they matter:

 

S: Specific

 

The goal must be clear and specific. A well-defined goal answers questions like:

 

• What do I want to accomplish?

• Why is this goal important?

• Who is involved?

• Where will it happen?

• Which resources or limitations are in place?

 

M: Measurable

 

Your goal should include metrics so you can track progress and stay motivated. Quantifying the goal allows you to assess whether you’re on the right track or need to make adjustments. Measurements can be in terms of quantity, frequency, or milestones.

 

A: Achievable

 

Goals should be realistic and attainable within the resources, time, and skills available to you. Setting achievable goals ensures you don’t become discouraged. However, it’s equally important that they’re challenging enough to encourage growth.

 

R: Relevant

 

The goal should align with your broader life objectives, values, and ambitions. A relevant goal matters to you and, ideally, contributes to your larger objectives. This alignment ensures that you stay motivated even when challenges arise.

 

T: Time-bound

 

A SMART goal has a deadline or timeframe to provide focus and a sense of urgency. Deadlines help to prioritize the goal and prevent procrastination, while also giving you a target date for measuring success.

 

Tips to Make Goals a Reality

 

1. Create a Plan

 

The first step in taking on the challenge of setting long term goals for yourself is to create a plan. This can be done by sitting down and journaling and writing down a 5-year plan. 

 

This 5-year plan can be based on where you want to be in life in 5 years. Write down what that main goal is, and then write down your sub goals you have to achieve along the way. Writing each goal down (big or small) is a mentally healthy way to keep track of any challenges you want to overcome.

 

2. Learn

 

Learning is the next important step towards challenging yourself to setting long term goals because the only way to achieve those goals is to learn and grow along the way, and this can be in any area of your life. 

 

One example of this would be to learn a new language. By learning a new language, you are challenging your brain to take on a new skill that is completely foreign. The act of doing this can help you build confidence and teach you that you can take this ability and confidence and apply it to your bigger, long-term goals later. 

 

You never know, learning that new language may even come in handy one day if needed. Learning new skills and going out of our comfort zone is one of the hardest things to do, but the outcome is always rewarding.

 

3. Reflect On Your Progress

 

As you go through each day, each day is one step closer to your big goals you want to achieve. It is crucial that you periodically track your progress along the way and reflect on the little achievements you have made so far. 

 

Even if those little achievements are small, they are still counted for, and they still lead to bigger achievements later on. Give yourself time to ponder and think at the end of each day and go for a walk while you think about how things are progressing. This can help you connect deeper with yourself on a personal level, and this is a good way to understand more about yourself and if there are any minor changes you need to make.

 

4. Maintain a Positive Mindset

 

Maintaining a positive mindset as you track your goals is one of the biggest steps you can take in challenging yourself to reaching your long-term goals. Maintaining a positive attitude along the way is not as easy as it sounds. 

 

It is natural to feel lost and frustrated some days, and contemplating on if you are taking the right shoes for yourself will come naturally, too. However, one way to stay on track is to talk to a mentor, friend or loved one. 

 

Don’t be afraid to open up about what you want to achieve in life. Talking to a trusted friend or loved one can be therapeutic and beneficial to not only you, but to them as well because they will admire you for being vulnerable and will be inspired to challenge themselves as well. 

 

It is important not to be discouraged and it is normal to have bad days but talking to a mentor or a loved one about things you want to achieve and getting their opinion can be helpful. You never know, they might actually have an opinion that you can really apply your goals to.

 

5. Visualize Your Future

 

By visualizing your future as you go through each day and get closer and closer to your long-term goals, it can be a great motivational tool to use to keep everything going on track with a positive mindset. 

 

This can also be done by creating a vision board for yourself to look at every day in the morning when you wake up, and then right before you go to bed at night. The vision board can be a collage of pictures, quotes, and affirmations that help inspire you to challenge yourself to reach your long-term goals. This is especially helpful if you are a visual learner. 

 

Of course, there are other ways to visualize your future too, such as journaling, or just simply talking to a friend or a loved one about your progress, hopes and dreams.

 

Final Thoughts

 

This article is merely a beginner guide to what steps you can take to challenging yourself to achieve long term goals, and how to stick to a plan. There are many ways you can do this, however the 5 steps we have discussed are most common and the most helpful. It is important to take whatever step is right for you and what fits your specific goals.