We all have something we want to let go of, whether it be a harmful habit, physical item, or toxic viewpoint that keeps us tethered to where we are. However, despite wanting to let go, the reality is that embracing change can be hard to do.
Oftentimes, the struggle to let go and embrace change has to do with not having control over the future - and that can be a really powerful fear. But the reality is that while we can make choices based on the best information we have at the time, life is always going to be in a state of flux.
Whether the change is good or sad, practicing the art of letting go can help you to become more flexible and adaptable. It can also help us move forward if we’re still living in the past. Here’s some helpful information that can do just that.
Why Do We Struggle With Change?
Before we dive into all the ways you can start letting go, let’s first analyze why we’re so resistant to change in the first place.
According to Katherine Cullen MFA, LCSW, in her article titled Why Is Change So Hard? published in Psychology Today, “We often find ourselves resisting change, perhaps because of the perceived risk or fear associated with it.”
In her article, she refers to examples such as a chain smoker looking to quit the habit. First, is the acknowledgment of the act. in this case, the smoker realizes that they’re going through a lot of cigarettes per day. While this isn’t enough to prompt immediate action, it gets the gears turning.
The next phase is contemplation, which is when the individual considers the pros and cons of letting go. In the case of a chain smoker, this could be comparing the benefits of quitting such as renewed lung tissue and lowering the risk of developing lung cancer, as well as the cons such as not knowing another way to relieve stress and being fearful of not having any other method of self-soothing.
After weighing the pros and cons, most people will then make a detailed plan - i.e. choose a day to quit smoking and buy a yoga mat for stress relief or hard candy to suck on when they have a craving. Then, they go through with it. Getting to this point of action is hard, but maintaining the lifestyle is even harder because everything is outside of the person’s comfort zone.
For a chain smoker, a watermelon-flavored hard candy is hardly going to be an adequate substitute for something they enjoy. And since lifestyle changes aren’t a linear process, any setbacks could lead to self-judgment and frustration, making embracing the new change all the more difficult.
This cycle is why we’re so resistant to change. We’re often fearful of what lies on the other side of change. Though change isn’t always bad, it’s the what-ifs that we focus on. While the chain smoker giving up cigarettes is just one example, another might be an adult child having difficulty discarding their deceased mother’s clothing.
While they may not necessarily need them, they’re scared of getting rid of them for the risk that they will one day change their mind, or that they will somehow be disappointing their loved ones. Fears like this lead to prolonged (and unnecessary) suffering.
Parents with grown children may also suffer through the struggle to let go of their child’s bedroom or childhood effects, which can make it hard to embrace their child’s adulthood and the new dynamic shared between them.
At the end of the day, the fear of letting go and embracing change often comes down to not knowing what to expect and the risk of having regrets about the decision to change later on, especially if it doesn’t pan out the way we want.
Tips for Letting Go and Embracing Change
Letting go can be hard as is, let alone when we’re also forced to embrace the unwanted change that comes with it.
As in the example above, letting go of a loved one’s clothes or personal items has nothing to do with the love of the tangible items, but rather the fear that they’re going to forget their loved ones if they don’t have a physical memory attached to them.
Regardless of what you’re struggling to let go of, here are some tips that can help you welcome change, even if it’s going to be a little difficult.
Declutter
Like the example mentioned earlier, holding onto items for the fear that you’ll regret getting rid of them isn’t a good enough reason to keep them around. Clutter can lead to stress, anxiety, and in many cases, depression.
Holding onto items that no longer serve you, even if they’re simply no longer your style, can keep you in the past and chain you there. If you’re interested in letting go, start small. Grab a trash bag and find 10 items you can throw away, like receipts, chipped mugs, or socks that have holes in them. With enough practice, you can work your way up from items that are damaged to those that have a mental chokehold on you.
This is especially true if you’re holding onto clutter for sentimental reasons. While it’s okay to keep a few things, dedicating your home to people or lifestyles from the past can keep you tethered to a painful time in your life. Learning to let go can help you accept what happened and embrace your new life moving forward.
Don’t Dismiss Your Fears
One way you can embrace change is by acknowledging that you don’t want to let certain things go, whether it’s a tangible item or not.
The more you try to dismiss your feelings, and by proxy, your fears, the more likely they are to stay with you and affect your decisions. If you want to truly embrace change, then acknowledge that getting rid of your mother’s items, or your child’s baby clothes (for example) is hard.
Then, go ahead and acknowledge your fears about getting rid of them. For example, getting rid of baby clothes could signify that the time of your life is over, and you’re scared of what comes next.
Oftentimes, the difficulty of letting go is because we’re fearful of feeling sad, being alone, moving on, or feeling vulnerable. However, these are feelings shared among society. When you bring these fears to the surface, they not only no longer seem so scary, but you can now identify solutions.
With the right support system, you can embrace your fears and still let go, knowing that it’s going to suck…and that’s okay.
Listen to Your Inner Voice
At the end of the day, you’ll know when it’s time to get rid of something, or someone, or move on. These feelings are usually subtle; one day you just don’t feel the same way about it anymore. However, when you have that inkling, take notice.
Your inner voice doubles as your voice of reason. Though you may be quick to ignore it or do the opposite, trust that when that little voice pops up telling you it’s time to let go, it’s because deep down, it’s what you know is best for you.
Letting go and embracing change is all about the fear of not knowing what lies around the corner. You can make this change easier by trusting your gut and realizing that yes, change can be scary, but so can staying miserable where you are.
