Self-Parenting 101

Self-parenting, self-love, and self-care go hand in hand. All three are there to help you make conscious decisions and allow you to take better care of yourself.

 

After doing a lot of internal work, I now have a clearer vision of why we need to practice good self-parenting. The problem is that many people feel this type of self-care is shallow or selfish. But that couldn’t be further from the truth!

 

Below are some self-parenting 101 tips and tricks that can help ensure that you always prioritize what you need to thrive and lead a fulfilling life.

 

Let’s get started.

 

What Is Self-Parenting?

 

In short, self-parenting is a type of focused care that involves healthy living patterns and positive daily habits. It puts a spotlight on the things that truly matter in your life, like sleep, nourishment, and security.

 

Yet, while those are all great ways to manage your overall health, self-parenting takes it a step further.

 

At its core, self-parenting is how you can fulfill unmet needs lingering from your childhood. It’s a way to tone down your inner critic, which is actually a culmination of voices that you’ve internalized and now believe as your own.

 

As a result, you learn how to listen more to your emotions and thoughts. You become more compassionate towards who you are as a person, and you allow yourself to feel worthy and seen.

 

It does this by providing new experiences that can lead to more satisfying behavior and a more positive effect, thus helping you create better outcomes in your life.

 

5 Self-Parenting Tips

 

In my search for ways of being a better parent to myself, I looked at some of the ways good parents care for their kids. Then, I used them to create an outline that adults can apply to themselves to enhance their inner parent.

 

Take a look.

 

Accept Your Emotions

 

Feelings help us define what’s happening so we can articulate our thoughts and act accordingly. When children have intense feelings, it can sometimes be overwhelming. If we’re not taught at a young age how to deal with those big, scary emotions, we still won’t be able to deal with them as adults.

 

This is where self-parenting can really help. Tell yourself that it’s okay to have feelings, no matter how big or small.

 

More importantly, avoid making yourself feel guilty or ashamed about feeling a certain way. Instead, learn how to make the most of these feelings to better understand what you’re going through and help yourself move forward.

 

Set Healthy Boundaries

 

When your life has clearly defined expectations, you can safely navigate and explore within those boundaries. So, make it super clear what you expect of yourself and your life.

 

Yet, we’re trained to listen to our elders and to behave properly. Then, we grow up and we fear what will happen if we assert our needs as adults. So, we put everyone’s needs before our own to avoid rejection.

 

However, with boundaries, you have the power. It may sting a bit if someone rejects you for saying no for whatever reason. But you’ll survive and you’ll come out stronger and more confident.

 

Have Reasonable Expectations

 

Write down realistic goals for the year ahead. Start with long-term goals, then break them down into monthly, weekly, and daily objectives.

 

Working down from larger to more manageable short-term goals will give you a sense of accomplishment. Plus, it helps you focus on what you have to do and avoid feeling hurt or helpless.

 

Remind yourself to be proud of your commitment to do the work. And each time you achieve something on our list, reward yourself. Then, after each one, think about setting new goals that can help you achieve more in your personal and professional life.

 

Create a Regular Routine

 

Knowing that you’ll be doing certain things at certain times is one of the best self-parenting techniques ever! Having a routine helps prepare you for what’s ahead so you can have time to adjust and react accordingly. It also teaches you responsibility, leadership, and discipline.

 

For example, one of the first things experts will advise you to do is to go to bed at a specific time each night. Not only that, but you need to create a nightly ritual to help you unwind and relax at the end of the day.

 

Start by turning off all screens 30–60 minutes before bedtime and dim the lights. You can bring an enjoyable book to read. Or you can play some soft music to ease you into sleep mode and reduce any nighttime jitters you may have.

 

Know Your Core Values

 

Adults who come from neglectful homes are often not taught morals when they were children. So, as your self-parent, it’s up to you to determine what it takes to become a helpful, empathetic member of your community.

 

You also have to learn the importance of respecting yourself and others, as well as being honest and trustworthy. And the best way to do that is by finding out what your core values are.

 

One thing you can do to appreciate the role that helping others has in your life is to volunteer at a local shelter or community center. Even a simple gesture, holding the door for someone or smiling at a stranger, can do miracles for your self-esteem.

 

Cultivating a Balanced Mindset

In the pursuit of achieving balance, we often get caught up in the external world - creating to-do lists, scheduling commitments, and striving for efficiency. However, a crucial element often overlooked is cultivating a balanced mindset.

 

Shifting Your Perspective

 

Instead of viewing life as a constant struggle for balance, adopt the perspective that balance is an internal state. It's not about achieving external perfection but finding peace and acceptance within yourself. This shift in perspective allows you to approach life's challenges with greater resilience and navigate the inevitable ups and downs without feeling overwhelmed.

 

Practicing Mindfulness

 

Mindfulness practices like meditation and deep breathing can be powerful tools for cultivating a balanced mind. These practices help you focus on the present moment and become aware of your thoughts and emotions without judgment. By training your mind to be present and accepting, you can better manage stress, reduce anxiety, and approach life's challenges with greater clarity and calmness.

 

Gratitude as a Source of Strength

 

Gratitude is another powerful tool for cultivating a balanced mindset. It allows you to shift your focus from what you lack to what you already have, fostering a sense of contentment and appreciation for the good things in life. Taking time to reflect on what you're grateful for, big or small, can significantly improve your well-being and overall outlook.

 

Self-Compassion is Key

 

Finding balance requires compassion for yourself, especially on days when you feel overwhelmed or unable to adhere to your ideal schedule. Instead of self-criticism, practice self-acceptance and understanding. Acknowledge your limitations and forgive yourself for setbacks. Remember, everyone struggles with achieving balance at times, and it's not about attaining perfection but about making progress and learning from your experiences.

 

Cultivating a balanced mindset is a journey, not a destination. By incorporating mindfulness practices, fostering gratitude, and practicing self-compassion, you can create a foundation for inner peace and navigate the ebbs and flows of life with greater ease and resilience. This, in turn, will contribute to a more balanced and fulfilling life, even when faced with external demands and challenges.

 

The Stress Relieving Value of Accepting Your Differences

Were you ever teased as a child? A lot of us were. Some kids will make fun of others who are fatter or skinnier, taller or shorter, or different in some other way. They, unfortunately, learn this behavior from adults who likewise chastise their colleagues, friends, and others for nothing more than being different.

 

This becomes a big problem when several children attack another child and declare some difference to be negative. When this behavior is ongoing, the different child can begin to feel low self-worth. After all, if everyone is telling her that she's different and that her differences aren't good, they must be right.

 

Why else would they all be saying the same thing? That child becomes upset with the person she sees in the mirror. Why is she overweight? Why is her skin different from others? Why wasn't she given the intelligence that all her friends have? This leads to self-doubt, low self-esteem, and in some cases, risky and unsafe behavior.

 

Stress Is a Killer, but It Doesn't Have To Be

 

Obviously, that's a very stressful scenario. Unfortunately, this is a common situation for not just children but teens, young adults, and even older grown-ups.

 

It causes so much stress, both physical and mental. The stress starts to build up because the differences are seen as negative. The marvelous, unique individual that was created is not allowed to be who they really are. They try not to be themselves.

 

On the physiological side of the equation, this chronic stress produces chemicals that lead to anxiety, depression, and other negative feelings. Ask any doctor, and they'll tell you stress is related to most chronic illnesses and many major causes of death.

 

Your differences don't have to be stressful. They shouldn't be. When you embrace who you are, you realize you have much to offer the world. You're fine just like you are right now. This leads to confidence and less stress. You aren't as anxious about trying to please others by fitting into some silly idea they have of who you should be.

 

Your confidence and self-esteem go up when you accept and love your differences. 

 

You'll also find that certain people in your life want to manipulate you rather than accept who you are. Perhaps you should move on from these people and spend more time with supportive individuals who encourage your uniqueness.

 

Be happy with who you are. You're the only "you" that will ever be created. There will never be another human being exactly like you. When you embrace that fact and look at your differences as advantages, you'll suffer less stress and anxiety and enjoy more self-love, fulfillment, and success.

 

If You Want Less Stress and Anxiety, Learn to Empathize More

Stress is a killer. You might hear someone say, "The stress at my job is killing me!" They could be overstating the situation. In many cases though, stress can quite literally kill you.

 

Chronic stress is related to the six leading causes of death. It's believed that more than 75% of all trips to the emergency room or a doctor are stress-related. So the next time a friend tells you stress is killing him, you might want to take that statement seriously.

 

Ask anyone you know and they'll tell you of a stressful situation they experienced recently. This is an unfortunately common occurrence. You might have too much stress in your own life.

 

For a number of reasons, you can benefit from stressing less and relaxing more often. If that sounds like something you'd enjoy, just learn to empathize more.

 

How Empathy Leads to Less Stress and Depression

 

An empathetic person can place themselves in the emotional experience of someone else. That's the first part of empathy. The part of the empathetic process some people forget is responding in a way that's helpful.

 

You see a coworker has a huge workload. She's stressing out and you know there's no possible way she can hit a proposed deadline. You communicate to her that even though her productivity is excellent and she's a great worker, you don't know how she's going to get everything done. 

 

You just paid her a compliment. You saw her emotions were frazzled and she wasn't in a good place mentally. So, you said something nice about her ability on the job.

 

The next thing you can do after you identify with her situation is to provide assistance. Offer to help her tackle some of her responsibilities. When you do, your coworker will thank you. She'll experience less stress, and science tells us that you'll also have less stress, anxiety and depression.

 

When you learn to recognize that someone else is experiencing negative emotions, you want to help. This is the response for most people. What also happens is that you subconsciously recognize that you're not in that situation. You can understand your coworker's emotional stress, but you aren't experiencing the same thing yourself.

 

Dr. Jamil Zaki is a psychology professor and the director of the Social Neuroscience Laboratory in Stanford. He says empathy can help you see past the many differences people have. It helps you move past prejudice or bias. These are negative emotions. They can produce a stress response in your body. Empathy doesn't allow that to develop.

 

Dr. Zaki also says empathy makes people happier in their relationships and even more successful at work. Studies show us that an empathetic person learns how to process his or her own emotions properly by being able to recognize the emotions other people are going through. That means being more empathetic in your life cannot only help others, but it can also give you a wonderful boost of less stress and more peace of mind.

 

A Simple 3-Step Process to Practice More Empathy

An empathetic person can identify with what someone else is experiencing. They may have had the same experience before. This isn't necessary to practice empathy. You might just be very good at putting yourself in another person's mindset.

 

Someone tells you they lost their job. They're going through so many different negative emotions. They're concerned about their mortgage payment and other financial issues.

 

A person that loses a dream job could start wondering what happened. It took them a long time to get the job they always wanted. They might have been a great employee. Then something occurred that was out of their control. Perhaps the company went bankrupt.

 

This individual could start questioning his own role in the failure of the company. A ton of different negative emotions might be experienced. The empathetic person is able to fully embrace the emotions the other person is going through even if they've never lost a job before.

 

You might want to help your friends and family members by displaying more empathy. You care about them and want to help them when they're in need. If that's the case, simply put into practice the following three-step technique for showing empathy.

 

Step 1 – Listen Actively

 

You might be a good listener. But are you an active listener? Do you just sit there with a blank expression and take in everything that's being said?

 

An active listener uses body language, facial expressions and eye movement to let the person speaking know that they're engaged and present. They are truly and deeply listening. 

 

You use open-ended questions to try to get more information from the speaker. Active listening uses anything at your disposal to get the speaker to share more information. You communicate to that person that their feelings are understood.

 

Step 2 – Validate the Experience

 

People often tell you what's on their minds because they want you to validate what they're saying. They need to know that it's okay to have certain feelings or think a specific way. When you validate a tough situation, someone's experiencing, you let them know they're not alone.

 

You validate an experience by adopting the same feelings and emotions. Tell the person that you're sharing the experience with them and that it's okay. They should recognize whatever emotions are happening. Then the empathetic person tries to figure out what can be done to fix the problem.

 

Step 3 – Offer Advice

 

Empathy is a two-part process. You take on the perspective of another person. You develop an understanding emotionally of what that person is going through. The second part involves action. You provide assistance of some kind. You try to help the person with their struggle. 

 

One way you can do this is by offering smart advice. Remember to think about their situation and not yours. Don't include any bias or judgment. Put yourself in their shoes and then give them advice to help them out of their problem.

 

Showing empathy means you care. It tells people you're putting your own interests aside for a while. The three-step process we just covered can help you show empathy to the people you care about. You'll find that you benefit as much as they do by making an emotional connection.

 

8 Techniques That Stop Anger in its Tracks

You can’t believe they did it. Of all people, turning on you this way. You want to react in kind, drawing on the anger flowing through you to lash out. Make the other person hurt every bit as much as you do right now.

 

Wait a minute. You can’t. You’re not that person. You don’t want to BE that person. You’re better than this.

 

But how do you stop anger in its tracks before it gets the best of you?

 

Take a Walk

 

The physical act of walking will burn off some of the adrenaline while getting outside, giving you a distracting change in scenery. And it works even better if you’re walking away from the object of your anger. Sometimes all you need is some space.

 

Pay Attention to your Muscles

 

Like walking, exercise is good. Also, anger tends to tighten you up, so a good stretch, or even better practicing progressive muscle relaxation, will knock the tension out.

 

Say Something

 

Choose a pet phrase or mantra which calms you. Say it several times, slowly, and deliberately to put your focus elsewhere.

 

Visualization

 

Escape somewhere else. Remove yourself from the situation that has made you mad and find a quiet place where you can visualize something peaceful. Build in as much detail as you can to make it as real as possible. Stay in this vision until you feel yourself start to calm down. 

 

Do Something Grand

 

Take your anger and turn it into activism. How can you use this to change the world? Sign (or start!) a petition. Volunteer. Get involved in the community and make the world a better place. 

 

Write About It

 

Journaling can help you to work through your emotions in a way that might even help prevent you from getting mad the next time around. Understanding what it was about the event which triggered you will help reshape the trigger entirely.

 

Switch Perspective

 

It can be hard to use empathy when you’re upset. But if you can see things from their perspective, it might help you to calm your response. Many times, anger comes from misunderstanding the situation.

 

Forgive

 

This technique falls under expert level of anger management. By being the bigger person and forgiving the other, you’ll find you no longer have reason to be mad at all.

 

The key to all of these is simple: don’t let anger take control. The last thing you need is for you to fall under the power of negative emotion. Use the anger to make a better place or let it go entirely. In the end, you’ll be happier you did.

 

5 Techniques for Using Affirmations to Enhance Your Relationship

Affirmations are powerful positive statements. You may be aware of them as a tool for self-improvement or to help you reach your goals. Did you know that affirmations can help improve your relationships with your partner, family, friends, and even your colleagues?

 

By choosing your words carefully and meaningfully, you can improve relationships in every area of your life. 

 

1. Show Empathy

 

You can use affirmations to show the other person that you see their feelings and acknowledge them. Affirmations can be used as a component of active listening. Listen to what they are saying, without interrupting, and when you do speak, you reflect back what they said to you. You acknowledge where they are and give them space to vent or celebrate or just get their message across. 

 

The key to showing empathy is to make sure you don’t contradict or negate their feelings. Don’t offer advice or give a contrary opinion. Just stand with them in their space. 

 

2. Be Authentic

 

Make sure your affirmations are coming from a place of sincerity. Don’t say things you don’t mean. Keep your affirming messages to the point and focused on the other person. 

 

Affirmations that are economical with the truth or speak out of character will undermine your relationship, not build it. Make sure you speak from the heart. And you don’t have to use flowery language, just be nice. 

 

3. Tell Your Loved Ones They’re Loved

 

Saying I love you early in a relationship is easy. But as time goes on, it’s easy to let endearments slide. Get into the habit of telling your partner, your children, your family, your friends how much you love them. Don’t take it for granted that they feel loved, make sure they know it!

 

4. Say Thank You

 

When was the last time you said thank you for a home-cooked meal? Or for proofreading your job application? Or even for taking the garbage out?

 

No act of kindness should go unacknowledged. Show your family and friends and colleagues that you appreciate what they do for you. Affirm their role in your life. 

 

5. Give Public Praise

 

Sometimes the best affirmations come in the form of public acknowledgment. Give credit where it’s due to your team members, your partner, and your kids. Show them you're grateful and proud of them. Make it a point to acknowledge the extra effort and exceptional achievements.

 

5 Steps To Defeat Perfectionism Once and For All

We all have moments where we fall into perfectionism. For some of us, this might happen kind of often. For others, it's reserved for those special occasions where we have a project where we can't rest until we get it right.

 

While occasional super-attention-to-detail is okay, it’s when we make perfectionism a way of life where it becomes a problem. Those are the times where we finally need to take charge of our lives and learn how to let go.

 

Try this:

 

Start at the Core

 

Why are you so wrapped up in perfectionism? Are you truly trying to become a better person somehow, or are you just trying to impress someone else or meet expectations from those around you? Neither of these reasons is very healthy, and both need to be addressed.

 

Drop the “Should”

 

The moment you start using this word in a conversation, especially regarding your action, you're already driving yourself crazy. Remind yourself you don’t need validation from anyone. You’re good just by being you.

 

Rewrite the Script

 

What are you telling yourself as you throw yourself into perfectionism? Do you think this is the path to success? Or do you have other unrealistic expectations of the outcome? Here's where you switch up your self-talk to get out of any negative spaces and unrealistic outcomes.

 

Drop the Comparisons

 

Speaking of self-talk, just who are you holding up as role models? Has this too become unhealthy, going from "I want to be more like them" to "Why can't I have everything they do?” Wouldn’t it feel better to celebrate where you are right now and all the effort you’ve been putting into things?

 

Show Some Mercy

 

Perfection never allows for excuses. If you can't succeed, you're automatically a failure. By chasing imperfection, you learn the value of self-forgiveness and the ability to let go of your mistakes in favor of embracing the lessons you can learn from them.

 

You wouldn’t think these steps are all so very important at first glance. After all, is chasing imperfection worthwhile?

 

The answer is a resounding, "Yes!" Perfection is what pulls us away from others and gets us so tangled up inside with worry and stress about getting things right; we negatively impact our mental and physical health. 

 

With this in mind, isn’t it time to let go and enjoy life once and for all?

 

Never Look at a Failure as Final

Do you know anyone who seems to be bulletproof? You know, that friend of yours that takes failures in stride and is always smiling and moving forward in life. How do they do it? You know they're not immune to setbacks or hardship. They just seem to be able to bounce back quickly. Life's inevitable difficulties don't keep them from living the life they desire.

 

By the way, that person can be you. Mental resilience is something that can be developed. It's not a character trait you have to be born with. Every time you suffer some type of loss or failure, you have an opportunity to respond with resilience and emotional control.

 

If that seems impossible for you sometimes, here's what you need to start doing. Never look at a failure as the final result. Don't let some hardship or difficulty be the final chapter in your story. Or, as famous author F. Scott Fitzgerald said ...

 

"Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat."

 

That is such a powerful reminder that your outlook is everything. The person with resilience chooses a positive outlook. They understand that negative things are going to happen in their life. Yet they don't allow that to be the end of their journey.

 

They don't embrace any single failure or loss as the final declaration of who they are.

 

Just Take One More Step

 

Resilience means persisting. You keep going. You push forward and see life's difficulties as nothing more than challenges. You can either become stronger and more capable or allow a defeat or failure to be a statement of who you are.

 

This can seem like simple advice, but the truth is, sometimes, the hardship we encounter in life can be truly debilitating. We simply don't see a way out. The worst of possible things has happened, and there's simply no way that we see any good coming from this.

 

When this happens, as it inevitably will in life, just take one step forward.

 

Don't worry about some big end result. You may be in a terrible situation. If you are, just make one positive movement. 

 

Have one positive thought. Move in the direction of a positive outcome. Even if it's miles away, don't worry about that end result. Just take the first step that moves you a little bit away from the difficulty you encountered.

 

Never let any single defeat be your final defeat. The instant you decide to relentlessly push forward, you show the world and yourself that you are a resilient human being. You won't be kept down for long because your unbreakable mental resolve won't allow you to be defined by defeat.

 

6 Daily Routines To Feel More Fulfilled

Your life is a combination of your behaviors, thoughts, and actions. Even the little things in your life can make the biggest difference and leave a lasting effect.

 

Not only that but how these things affect you mainly depends on your outlook. Studies show that those with a positive mindset enjoy a more fulfilling, more satisfying life because they don’t allow their negative self-talk to take over their everyday life.

 

Instead, they deal with whatever comes their way with resilience and acceptance. They also have faith that things will eventually work out.

 

This post is here to help you find ways to improve your life. By incorporating these six daily routines, you’ll feel more fulfilled and start living your best life.

 

Let’s dive in.

 

Practice Meditation

 

Meditation has long been linked to better physical, emotional, and mental health. It lowers stress levels while promoting self-awareness and gratitude.

 

Researchers tell us that spending just 5–10 minutes practicing meditation can make a huge difference in your day. It can facilitate inner peace and cultivate feelings of gratitude.

 

Practicing meditation also has the ability to reduce negative emotions, which can help you gain a new perspective on stressful circumstances. Thus, you become more capable of facing difficult situations with resilience and inner strength.

 

Make a To-Do List

 

Some people cringe at the thought of making a to-do list. But it doesn’t have to be a complicated, time-consuming feat.

 

Whether at home or work, having a list that prioritizes your tasks for the day allows you to be better organized. It also encourages you to put more focus on the most crucial tasks first.

 

Furthermore, a to-do list helps you stay on track throughout the day, which helps prevent putting off tasks or procrastination. Then, at the end of the day, you can check off all the things you’ve accomplished and be proud of all your hard work.

 

Spend Time in Nature

 

Research tells us that spending time in nature has an amazing effect on our emotional and psychological health. It elevates positive feelings while lowering stress, anxiety, and other mental health issues.

 

Spending as little as 10–15 minutes a day outdoors can improve your mood and help you feel happier and more satisfied with life in general. Enjoying nature also has the power to make you feel more relaxed and at one with something bigger than yourself.

 

It also helps you to be more active, even if you’re taking a leisurely stroll in the park.

 

Learn Something New

 

An excellent way to feel more fulfilled is by discovering something new each day. Being in pursuit of learning allows you to become more aware, well-rounded, and knowledgeable.

 

This could be through a range of media, such as listening to a podcast, reading, or even watching a documentary or informational video.

 

Having a wealth of information or learning a new skill is a great motivator to enhance the quality of your life. Plus, it enhances cognitive skills. So, you beat boredom and keep your brain cells healthy and active.

 

Move Your Body

 

Staying consistent with exercise isn’t doable for most of us. Yet, the good thing about working out is that you don’t have to do high-intensity sessions each week to reap its benefits.

 

So, instead of setting unrealistic goals, stick with something more doable that easily fits into your schedule. For example, take a 20-minute walk during your lunch break, do a 15-minute dance routine in your living room, or sign up for a yoga class.

 

Whichever activity you choose, it’ll certainly relieve stress and make you feel more confident. Plus, exercise releases endorphins, which is one of the feel-good hormones.

 

Connect with Others

 

We’re social creatures. As such, we need to spend time connecting with others to help us avoid negative feelings like isolation and loneliness.

 

When you make a habit of connecting with friends, family, and co-workers, it’ll give you the sense that you’re cared for and loved. Plus, social connections improve your ability to bounce back during trying times and help reduce stress, anxiety, and depression.

 

Furthermore, staying connected enhances the quality of your overall health. Even a 10-minute phone or video call with a loved one can lift your mood, promote healthy eating, improve sleep, and lower your risk of chronic diseases.