Understanding What's Causing Your Self-Sabotaging Behavior

The English word sabotage has French origins. In the late 18th century, French laborers demanding better working conditions would make noise by beating their wooden shoes together. They would also throw these shoes, called sabots, into machinery to stop production as a protest.

 

A saboteur was someone who made noise with sabots. It wasn't until 1897 that Emile Pouget, a famous French anarchist of the time, wrote about the "action de saboter un travail," or "the action of sabotaging or bungling work."

 

The word “sabotage” these days is linked to those early definitions of its roots by referring to a deliberate action to cause disruption, obstruction, or destruction.

 

That means that self-sabotage is us getting in our own way. We consciously or unconsciously keep ourselves from achieving a goal. This destructive behavior can affect any area of a person's life and is difficult to stop without a plan proven to keep you on your path to success.

 

Understand, Stop, and Act Differently

 

Think about times when you did something that acted against your best interests. These were times when whatever you did caused some of the following feelings.

• Anger

• Emptiness

• Frustration

• Stress

• Loneliness

• Rejection

• Humiliation

• Self-Doubt

• Pessimism

• Failure

• Guilt

• Shame

We all experience these emotions at one time or another. When you consistently find these feelings arising because of something you've done and continue to do things that create these feelings, you might be working on a set of marching orders you gave yourself as a child.

 

Self-sabotage is most often caused because of unresolved psychological and emotional issues. Psychiatrists tell us that what influences our behaviors as adults is our upbringing. You could have encountered some situations when you were a child that still subconsciously makes you react in certain ways.

 

Knowing this is good. If you know a process leading to a negative result, you can destroy the process and get a positive outcome instead. Here's what to do.

 

Understand That Negative Programming Is at Work

 

Have a conversation when you catch yourself about to do something, and it's a behavior that has caused negative feelings and problems in your life. Remind yourself that some past issues may be causing you to believe that you deserve a negative consequence.

 

That's what's at work often when we do things that sabotage our lives. 

 

Once you understand that this is a negative process at work in your life, you have the power to make a different choice. Start looking for situations where your unconscious, knee-jerk reaction or conscious decision might lead to a negative outcome. Understand that you control your choices and that there are healthier options you can consciously choose.

 

Stop

 

Once you understand a self-sabotaging process might be at work, stop. Take some time to consider all your potential choices and their possible outcomes. If you can, walk away from making the choice right away. 

 

Look at your past. If you've faced similar situations, what decisions did you make, and what were the results? Instead of acting quickly and instinctively, which is sometimes not the best thing to do, stop and take some time to back away from taking action.

 

Act Differently

 

Here's where you have to be strong. You are going to be resisting very strong impulses. The first few times you do this, it will be very uncomfortable. You have lived with certain instincts for so long and given in to them, and now you'll fight them.

 

Be proud of yourself. You've made a conscious decision to understand what's going on. You know that you could instinctively be making some bad decisions. You stopped and backed away from the process, giving yourself time to think about multiple decisions and their outcomes.

 

Now you have a chance to act differently than you used to. Remember, if you want to enjoy something different than what you had in the past, you will have to do different things than you've been doing. This is the power of acting differently from your instinctive influences that, for whatever reason, are trying to hold you down or create a negative outcome.

 

Practice Makes Perfect

 

Changing decades of behavior is not going to happen overnight. The more you go through this process, the better you will become. You'll start identifying self-sabotaging thoughts and instincts and stopping yourself before you act upon them.

 

You should understand that making decisions that will lead to a better result can feel very uncomfortable. That's okay. This is a sign that you're trying to change emotional or psychological hardwiring that's been going on for a long time. Practice makes perfect. Keep at it. The fact that you want to stop self-sabotaging behavior means you have the mental and emotional resolve to do that.

5 Ways to Feel Better in Your Body

Everyone struggles to feel better in their body at some point in their life. This fact doesn't mean it is a good feeling, however. It is quite often a horrible feeling that holds us back.  Next time you find yourself feeling down about your body, try a few of these tips to help you to feel better in your body.

 

1.  Make A List Of The Positives

 

First of all, look in the mirror and make a list of all the positive qualities about yourself. These can be both physical and non-physical if you want. Is the list getting long? If it is, that is because you are truly an amazing human being, and you accomplish all of this thanks to your body!

 

2.  Eat Healthy Foods

 

When you eat healthy foods, you will feel better. It's as simple as that. Instead of gorging on junk food or takeout, resolve to make yourself healthy meals made from whole foods. Your body and your wallet will thank you. 

 

3.  Ignore Sizes

 

Sizes are arbitrary numbers created by companies to sort clothing. It would be best if you strived instead to feel good in your clothing. If this means ripping out the tags, go for it, you don't need them anyway. When you shop for clothing, hold things up to your body instead of looking at the tag. Sizes are different for each brand anyway. 

 

4.  Take A Walk In Nature

 

It's amazing how much spending some time being active can change your mood. According to Mayo Clinic, even just taking a brisk walk can work wonders to improve your perception of life. So if you are feeling down about yourself, grab your jacket and head for a brisk walk around the block.

 

5.  Ditch The Scale

 

The scale is another source of arbitrary numbers. Everyone is built differently, and muscle weighs more than fat, meaning people can often gain weight when they get fit. Instead of relying on only numbers, take a look in the mirror and admire your work there instead. 

 

Feeling better in your body is important when it comes to maintaining a good body image. You can feel better about your body by doing all of the above things. You should also strive to find other things that make you feel good! So, stop staring at the scale and start working towards feeling better in your body instead.

How to Be Happier in Your Own Skin

You can change many things about your life, but your skin is not one of them. This is why you need to learn to be happier in your own skin. The problem is, this is often much easier said than done. Below are a few ways you can learn to be happier in the body you have.

 

Develop Positive Affirmations

 

Grab a stack of sticky notes and write down all the things you love about yourself. Then place these sticky notes in places where you will find them later. These places could be on your mirror, in your wallet, or even around your desk at work. Then every time you see them, you can be reminded of what an amazing person you are.

 

Quit Scrolling Social Media

 

Social media creates unrealistic expectations of the human body. If you feel uncomfortable in your skin because of social media, it's time to stop participating. Instead, it would be best to find more body-positive media to engage in, such as books, music, and TV shows that make you feel great about who you are.

 

Work On Your Body Language

 

Believe it or not, your body language can play a huge part in feeling comfortable in your own skin. Every time you find yourself hunched over with your arms folded, how does this make you feel? Not very good, right? Exactly. It's time to walk with your shoulders pulled back, and your head held high—you'll be surprised by how much this small change affects your mood.

 

Ensure You Love The Clothes You Wear

 

If you are wearing clothes which don't make you feel comfortable in your own skin, then it's time to get clothes that do! Aim to find clothes that fit you and are flattering for your body. This will help ensure you feel great about yourself. It can help if, while you are shopping, you resolve not to look at the sizes and rather try on things that look like they will fit you and decide from there. 

 

Being happier in your own skin is a lifelong journey that almost everyone on this earth must take. But you can make this task easier on yourself by developing positive affirmations, quitting social media, working on your body language, and buying clothes that make you feel confident.  Just don't forget that being positive about yourself and your body ultimately must come from within. 

 

Importance of Being Comfortable with Your Body

You aren't comfortable with your body, so what? Everyone struggles with body image now and then. However, you must be comfortable with your body for many reasons. 

 

You Can Let Go Of Perfection

 

One of the reasons you aren't comfortable with your body is because you are obsessed with perfection. Until you realize that your body is great just the way it is, you will continue to hold onto an unrealistic idea of perfection. If you can't let go of perfection, you will constantly be striving for something unattainable, and this can lead to undue stress and more serious conditions like depression. 

 

You Will Be More Productive

 

Believe it or not, it takes a lot of time and energy to not be comfortable in your body. You probably spend hours looking in the mirror and wishing certain parts would change, or even more time searching for procedures that will "fix" you. Once you are comfortable with yourself just the way you are, you'll be able to focus on the things that matter, making you more productive in numerous aspects of your life. 

 

You Will Become More Creative

 

Constant negativity about your body (or other life aspects, for that matter) hinders your creativity. Negativity hinders your creativity because you are so focused on what is wrong, you can't open up your mind to see what you could become. Once you decide that you are truly comfortable with your body, this will help you begin a new creative journey to make what you have work for you!

 

You’ll Be Happier

 

This one is easy. Once you let go of the unattainable ideas, you will see that you are accomplishing more -and better- things in your life. These accomplishments will give you a feeling of satisfaction and achievement, which are both major components of happiness. This means that by accepting that you are amazing just the way you are, you've already unlocked the secret to happiness! 

 

Being comfortable in your own body will never be easy, but it's important that you are. When you commit to being comfortable in your body, it will help you become more productive and creative. This new level of personal comfort will make you happier in the end. When you think about it, there is no reason not to start the journey to becoming comfortable in your own body today!

 

Why a Positive Body Image Leads to a Happier Life

Maybe you've thought about working on your body image, but you can't see the purpose. After all, it doesn't affect anyone besides you. But the truth is, having a positive body image can go a long way towards transforming your life to be happier and healthier.

 

You’ll Be More Successful

 

When you are consumed by thoughts about why you hate your body, this takes up your time and energy. Your time and energy could be better suited for another purpose, such as achieving your goals in life. As we all know, achieving goals is a major component of experiencing happiness. 

 

You Will Meet More People

 

Friends tend to come and go as you grow. If you aren't feeling good about your body, this may make it difficult for you to make new friends as an adult. Therefore, if you have a positive body image, you will feel more confident introducing yourself to others. This confidence means that you are much more likely to have more friends throughout your life. Having an awesome group of friends is also an important part of happiness - maybe one of the most important.

 

You’ll Have Less Fear Of New Things

 

Along these same lines, when you have a negative body image, this can keep you from trying things that take you out of your comfort zone. Thus, your negative body image could lead to you missing out on an amazing experience that would change your life. And trying new things is also an essential aspect of attaining happiness. 

 

You’ll Be Able To Love Yourself

 

It's critical that you can love yourself because you will be spending the rest of your life with yourself. You can run from toxic people in your life, but you can't run from yourself. If you have a negative body image, you will not love yourself no matter how brilliant your mind may be. Love your body, love yourself. It really is just that simple.

 

If you want to live a happy life, you must have a positive view of your body. This is because having a positive body image will help you achieve your goals and meet new people who could change your life. In addition, you'll be able to try new things without fear and learn to love yourself wholly and truly—and all of these things will lead to you having a much happier life.  

Why Are So Many People Unhappy with Their Image?

When you look in the mirror, are you happy with what you see? If the answer is no, you aren't alone because many people, men, and women alike, are unhappy with their image. But why is this?

 

The Media

 

The number one reason people are unhappy with the image they see when they look in the mirror is because of the unattainable bodies of celebrities that are shown in the media. 

 

First of all, these photos are all edited. There isn't a single photo of a celebrity that doesn't have a filter or airbrushing on it, even if it is somewhere other than Instagram. Not only that, but many celebrities have had body-altering surgeries, which means what you are looking at isn't natural, and it isn't how they were born to look.

 

Society

 

Even if you avoid all the media hype, this doesn't mean people don't feel pressure from other people to hate their image. Family members and friends can often be the first ones to point out imperfections with your body, and it is your body image that suffers because of it. They might not even say anything, but you can see how they look, and you probably still compare yourself to them, wishing you looked more like them.

 

Poor Mental Health 

 

It isn't right to blame society and the media, however, because the way you perceive your body is uniquely yours. This means that although you may have some outside influences, only you can change your mind about how you feel about your body. If you have a poor body image, this means that your mind probably isn't where it needs to be. Yes, it's good to cut out the negative media and toxic friends and family from your life, but you also need to engage on a mental journey to find out why you can't accept yourself. Nothing will change with what you perceive until you change your mind.

 

Overall, men and women all over the world are unhappy with their image. Much of this can be attributed to media and society. However, never forget that a good body image truly starts from within. This means that if you want to have a good body image, you need to work on your mentality first. Only then can you truly change the way you feel about the person in the mirror. 

 

Why It’s Important to Love Yourself

Sometimes it can be hard to love yourself. After all, humans are created with flaws. However, loving yourself is important for many reasons. You can't expect to have a fulfilling life if you can't love yourself.

 

You Are The Only One You Will Spend The Rest Of Your Life With

 

Nothing in life is promised besides the fact that you will be spending the rest of your life with yourself. If you don't learn to love yourself, this can make the rest of your life very miserable. It is essential that you learn to love yourself because you need to love the person you will spend the rest of your life with to be happy. 

 

You Need To Focus On Your Journey

 

If you are filled with self-hate or self-disdain, this is a distraction from your goals. When you choose to focus on what you don't like about yourself, it takes up much more of your time than focusing on loving yourself. Once you resolve to love yourself, this will take up much less of your time and focus, and you will be able to put your energy towards what matters—your journey of success.

 

You Can’t Sell Yourself To Others If You Don’t Love You

 

Besides just helping you on your journey towards achieving your goals and finding happiness in your life, loving yourself is important when it comes to your relationships with others. In a professional sense, if you don't love yourself, it will be impossible to sell yourself to a company in a job interview. 

 

On a personal note, not loving yourself can easily come between you and a significant other. This is because you can't truly love someone else while you hate yourself. Therefore, if you want a successful romantic relationship, you need to learn to love yourself first. 

 

Overall, loving yourself is no easy task. It can take months or even years to learn to love what an amazing human being you are. It is worth it, though, because you will realize just how important it is to love yourself once you do. Loving who you are affects every aspect of your life, from your journey to your relationships with others. And if you want to live a long and happy life, you’ll need to learn to love the person who will be with you for the entire journey, you. 

How Can I Stop Being a People Pleaser?

Have you recently come to realize that you are a people pleaser? Don't worry. This is a common revelation. But now that you've realized you are a people pleaser, it's time to stop being one for your own health and sanity. 

 

Below are some ways you can learn to stop being a people pleaser. 

 

Set Boundaries

 

The most important step to stopping your people-pleasing ways is to establish boundaries in your relationships. Of course, different relationships will have different boundaries, but they need to be there regardless. For example, if your significant other asks you to do something extra because they have a busy week ahead, this might be okay, but if your friend does this all the time, it might be time to draw the line. 

 

Take Small Steps

 

Chances are, you aren't going to stop being a people pleaser overnight. Being a people pleaser has probably been ingrained in your mind since you were young. Therefore, you should start small instead of changing everything at once. To begin with, you can set some simple boundaries that shouldn't offend anyone. For example, let someone know you aren't available during work hours. 

 

Set Goals For Yourself

 

It's important, as you stop being a people pleaser, that you have a clear direction for yourself to stop from sliding back into your people-pleasing ways. You should make goals of who you want to devote your time to and what you want to accomplish in life. It is common for people-pleasers to feel as if they need to please their parents to the point where they neglect their romantic relationships. If this sounds like you, your goal should be to devote more of your time to your significant other and less to your parents. 

 

Engage in Positive Self-Talk

 

People pleasers feel good about themselves when they do something nice for someone else, and as you leave your people-pleasing ways, you will likely be missing this positive reinforcement. This is why you need to create it for yourself. Every time you establish a boundary and keep it, tell yourself you did a good job and that you are doing something good for yourself—because it may not feel as good as people-pleasing does at first.

 

Overall, the road to leaving your people-pleasing ways isn't going to be without struggle. But if you use the above tips, you'll find that you are actually enjoying doing something for yourself rather than people-pleasing all the time. Before you know it, your people-pleasing days will be nothing but a distant memory. 

 

How Does People Pleasing Hurt Us?

Maybe you've recently discovered that you are a people pleaser. What is so wrong with that? You like to make others happy! 

 

The truth is, people-pleasing is a damaging behavior for several reasons. Keep reading to learn more about the dangers of people-pleasing and how it may be hurting you. 

 

People Pleasing Can Damage Your Physical Health

 

When you take on risks and activities you aren't comfortable with just to make someone else happy, you are being a people-pleaser. These risks and activities can lead to physical damage.

 

Here is a question, have you ever gotten hurt doing something stupid to impress somebody? Yeah, don't worry - we all have.  

 

You Can Damage Your Mental Health

 

Besides your physical health, your mental health is in jeopardy when you constantly people-please. As a people pleaser, you often don't make enough time to care for yourself, and self-care is essential for maintaining mental health. When you disregard your mental health for too long, this can cause serious conditions like burnout and depression. 

 

You May Get Into a Toxic Relationship

 

People pleasers don't know how to say no, and sadly, there are people out there that will take advantage of this fact. Namely - toxic people who like to control others. Toxic relationships are unhealthy, as they frequently contain mental - or even physical - abuse.

 

It is extremely difficult to leave toxic relationships, so difficult in fact that many people don't get out soon enough. If you are a constant people-pleaser, you will find it harder to spot (and listen to) the signs indicating someone is toxic. 

 

You Won't Be As Successful

 

In addition to all the physical and mental damage, people-pleasing can cause, it also keeps you from achieving your dreams. You are so focused on saying yes to others and making them happy that you put what you need to do on the backburner. This means that someday you could come to realize you are working a job that you hate in a city you hate—all because you couldn't say no and tell others that you needed to focus on yourself. 

 

As you can see, being a people pleaser is quite dangerous all around. It hurts your physical and mental health and keeps you from success. So if you want to live a happy and healthy life filled with success, it's time to stop being a people pleaser right away. 

The Twice-a-Day Ritual That De-Clutters Your Mind, Helps You Sleep Better, Relieves Stress, and Boosts Mental Focus

Scott Bea is a clinical psychologist who understands how clutter can wreck your mental and physical health. He tells us that visual clutter, anything that falls within your line of sight but isn't necessary, cranks up your production of cortisol. That means more stress and anxiety.

 

Clutter negatively affects your self-esteem level, even if you don't consciously believe it's that big of a problem. Mental and physical clutter kills your ability to focus and be productive and can lead to sleep loss.

 

Physical clutter in your environment can lead to mental clutter. 

 

Your senses are constantly trying to deal with everything they detect in your messy, disorganized space. This fogs up your brain and gets it working overtime. When you remove visual, physical, and mental clutter from your life, you gain better control of not only your mental abilities. You also boost your self-esteem and feel good about what you've accomplished.

 

The Downside of a Cluttered Mind

 

Before we discuss how you can do some spring cleaning in your mind, let's get a little negative. Sometimes understanding the downside of a situation can motivate you to take action. Here are a few of the unfortunate symptoms of a cluttered mind.

 

• You constantly focus on the negative and have difficulty seeing things positively.

• You worry about things you have no control over.

• It isn't easy focusing your attention and having clarity of thought.

• You are easily and frequently distracted.

• Your brain never shuts down and is always processing information from multiple topics and lists.

• A cluttered mind can lead to multiple sleep problems.

• It's common to feel physically drained, mentally confused, and unproductive.

 

When your mind is cluttered with unnecessary "stuff," a lot of energy is required to deal with it. This can make you feel run down and fatigued. You don't feel like doing anything or dealing with anything.

 

Don't worry; there is a simple solution you can use twice a day to sleep better and relieve the stress your mental clutter is causing. You will find it easier to focus, and you'll be more productive as well. Here's what you need to do.

• Write it down when you wake up.

• Write it down when you go to bed.

What is the "it" that you should be writing down? Your thoughts. Your feelings. Anything that's going on in your head. In the morning, write out a game plan for the day. Prioritize important things and keep everything else off of your list.

 

At night, read over what you wrote that morning. Then unload your mind. Back up the mental dump truck and get it all out. If random thoughts bother you during the day and are still on your mind, let them stand up and be recognized.

 

Writing out your thoughts is such a powerful way to clear your mind. When you do this regularly in the morning and at night, you'll find you sleep better, and you're more productive during the day. This won't stop your ceaseless inner chatter. It gives you control over it while ensuring a lot of mental clutter doesn't take up full-time residency in your mind.

7 Things to Remember When You Feel Overwhelmed

Feelings of overwhelm can threaten your happiness and your relationships. When you take on more than you can handle, your body reacts with elevated stress levels. Often it results in you being short with other people. You may also forget to eat as you focus on getting your list done. Eventually, you may develop other mental health issues if you keep putting yourself through the same paces without any break.  

7 Things to Keep in Mind When You Feel Overwhelmed

At times, everyone gets overwhelmed, but that doesn’t mean you are a lost cause. Here are seven things to remember when you start feeling overwhelmed: 

• Your emotions are natural: Feelings of overwhelm are often a sign from your body that it is time to slow down and scale back. You can also control your feelings, so addressing this feeling and replacing it with better ones is possible.

• It isn’t the end of the world: This is part of life. The good news is that you can stop the feelings of overwhelm by recognizing it for what it is and taking proactive steps to prevent the cycle from happening.

• Now is a good time for a brain dump: Overwhelm leaves our minds cluttered. By writing down all of the things, you need to do or feel, you are alleviating some of the mental energy you have had to expend keeping it all in.

• Take action instead of wallowing in your thoughts: Action breeds more movement and will propel you out of your feelings of overwhelm. Additionally, new opportunities will crop up to help you chip away at your project.

• Avoiding digital stimulation is the better choice: Getting lost in social media will only leave you feeling worse when you realize you lost time to work. Notifications can leave you in a constant state of panic. Remember that it is okay to turn off notifications for periods of time and focus on what you need to get done.

• Stepping outside is a good thing: You do not have to be tied to your desk and laser-focused on what needs doing. Give your body the break it deserves to help you reset and recharge.

• You have been here before: More than likely, you have felt this way before. It won’t last, and you can shorten the timeframe by being proactive.

Feelings of overwhelm don’t have to stop you from being productive. Remember that this happens to us all, and you can take action to overcome it.