Understanding What's Causing Your Self-Sabotaging Behavior

The English word sabotage has French origins. In the late 18th century, French laborers demanding better working conditions would make noise by beating their wooden shoes together. They would also throw these shoes, called sabots, into machinery to stop production as a protest.

 

A saboteur was someone who made noise with sabots. It wasn't until 1897 that Emile Pouget, a famous French anarchist of the time, wrote about the "action de saboter un travail," or "the action of sabotaging or bungling work."

 

The word “sabotage” these days is linked to those early definitions of its roots by referring to a deliberate action to cause disruption, obstruction, or destruction.

 

That means that self-sabotage is us getting in our own way. We consciously or unconsciously keep ourselves from achieving a goal. This destructive behavior can affect any area of a person's life and is difficult to stop without a plan proven to keep you on your path to success.

 

Understand, Stop, and Act Differently

 

Think about times when you did something that acted against your best interests. These were times when whatever you did caused some of the following feelings.

• Anger

• Emptiness

• Frustration

• Stress

• Loneliness

• Rejection

• Humiliation

• Self-Doubt

• Pessimism

• Failure

• Guilt

• Shame

We all experience these emotions at one time or another. When you consistently find these feelings arising because of something you've done and continue to do things that create these feelings, you might be working on a set of marching orders you gave yourself as a child.

 

Self-sabotage is most often caused because of unresolved psychological and emotional issues. Psychiatrists tell us that what influences our behaviors as adults is our upbringing. You could have encountered some situations when you were a child that still subconsciously makes you react in certain ways.

 

Knowing this is good. If you know a process leading to a negative result, you can destroy the process and get a positive outcome instead. Here's what to do.

 

Understand That Negative Programming Is at Work

 

Have a conversation when you catch yourself about to do something, and it's a behavior that has caused negative feelings and problems in your life. Remind yourself that some past issues may be causing you to believe that you deserve a negative consequence.

 

That's what's at work often when we do things that sabotage our lives. 

 

Once you understand that this is a negative process at work in your life, you have the power to make a different choice. Start looking for situations where your unconscious, knee-jerk reaction or conscious decision might lead to a negative outcome. Understand that you control your choices and that there are healthier options you can consciously choose.

 

Stop

 

Once you understand a self-sabotaging process might be at work, stop. Take some time to consider all your potential choices and their possible outcomes. If you can, walk away from making the choice right away. 

 

Look at your past. If you've faced similar situations, what decisions did you make, and what were the results? Instead of acting quickly and instinctively, which is sometimes not the best thing to do, stop and take some time to back away from taking action.

 

Act Differently

 

Here's where you have to be strong. You are going to be resisting very strong impulses. The first few times you do this, it will be very uncomfortable. You have lived with certain instincts for so long and given in to them, and now you'll fight them.

 

Be proud of yourself. You've made a conscious decision to understand what's going on. You know that you could instinctively be making some bad decisions. You stopped and backed away from the process, giving yourself time to think about multiple decisions and their outcomes.

 

Now you have a chance to act differently than you used to. Remember, if you want to enjoy something different than what you had in the past, you will have to do different things than you've been doing. This is the power of acting differently from your instinctive influences that, for whatever reason, are trying to hold you down or create a negative outcome.

 

Practice Makes Perfect

 

Changing decades of behavior is not going to happen overnight. The more you go through this process, the better you will become. You'll start identifying self-sabotaging thoughts and instincts and stopping yourself before you act upon them.

 

You should understand that making decisions that will lead to a better result can feel very uncomfortable. That's okay. This is a sign that you're trying to change emotional or psychological hardwiring that's been going on for a long time. Practice makes perfect. Keep at it. The fact that you want to stop self-sabotaging behavior means you have the mental and emotional resolve to do that.