How To Make Criticism Work For You

It may seem counter-intuitive, but sometimes a critique can be the most impactful thing someone can offer you. It all comes down to what you decide to do with it. If you’d like to discover how to make criticism work for you, rather than derail you, read on.

 

Create Distance

 

When someone says something critical about you, you have some choices to make. Of these choices, one of the most significant is whether or not you choose to be offended. 

 

The stoic philosopher Epictetus said this on the subject, “If someone in the street were entrusted with your body, you would be furious. Yet you entrust your mind to anyone around who happens to insult you and allow it to be troubled and confused. Aren't you ashamed of that?”^[1]

 

In other words, don’t fall into the trap of allowing the opinions of others to control your emotions and take charge of your mind. By recognizing that someone’s thoughts about you only have the significance you afford them, you can decide how you will feel, and you see the foolishness of letting other people’s words control you. 

 

This recognition creates distance between what is said and your sense of self-worth, a powerful tool to assist you in navigating snares of modern life such as the attention economy and cancel culture.

 

Let Life Be Your Teacher

 

Choosing to learn from each experience you have is profoundly empowering. You don’t have to agree with people or even think they’re intelligent. The important thing is that you can garner lessons from everything you encounter in life.

 

When someone criticizes you, it’s a great opportunity. Since you’ve already chosen to create distance and not allow words to offend you, you now have the chance to scan over what was said and see if there’s anything useful there. You’re ready to learn and grow if possible, transforming the encounter from a trial to a win.

 

Embrace The Process

 

Sometimes a little humility goes a long way. When we acknowledge that we’re all works in progress, it doesn’t hurt so much to encounter criticism. Instead of feeling embarrassed or belittled, you can figure out how the observation might pave the way for improvement. After all, a lack of growth often leads to stagnation, so we should embrace the process, relishing opportunities to break the mold and move forward.

 

Criticism Can Cultivate Creativity

 

Sometimes hearing what is wrong with something you’ve done can pave the way for innovation. For example, when someone presents you with issues in a proposal you present, or holes in a story you’ve written, it can reveal new ideas that were previously obscured from your view. This expanded vision is a part of how collaboration works, making more minds better than one.

 

According to Harvard Business Review, there’s a sweet spot in criticism that recognizes the flaws in something without throwing the baby out with the bathwater. They refer to this process as “yes, but, and.” In this scenario, the “yes, but” portion presents the issue with a presented idea, while the “and” portion presents potential solutions.^[2]

 

By approaching a discussion this way, the critique becomes an invaluable method for creating novel solutions without disregarding a person’s initial concept. As with many encounters, showing regard for other people’s feelings and perspectives while giving constructive criticism makes for more thorough communication and better outcomes.

 

Final Thoughts

 

It isn’t all bad to be criticized, even when the critic has questionable intentions. When we choose to analyze a person’s words, scan them for utility, and refuse to take them personally, we will always learn from the encounter. The freedom from releasing the perception of insult paves the way for vast personal improvement while removing potential suffering.

 

The benefits of criticism are amplified when it is used constructively amongst respectful individuals. In this ideal scenario, you will be encouraged to elevate your ideas and hone your skills, while being free from personal attack. Thus, being amongst good company is another potent way to make criticism work for you.

 

References

 

1. Salomon, Albert, editor. The Enchiridion. Translated by Thomas Wentworth Higginson, Bobbs-Merrill, 1955. 
2. “Why Criticism Is Good for Creativity.” Harvard Business Review, 16 July 2019, https://hbr.org/2019/07/why-criticism-is-good-for-creativity.

 

6 Ways to Make a Positive Impact on Someone’s Life

How do you change a life? You start by making a positive impact on them. Whether you're looking to mentor someone in their career, teach a friend a new skill, or look for another way to offer guidance to someone else, the outcome you desire is always the same. You want them to succeed. 

 

Are you ready to be the teacher they need? 

 

Let's explore some ways to make a positive impact on someone else’s life through teaching:

 

Figure Out the Relationship You Want to Have

 

First, what kind of relationship are you looking to have? Do you want to be a teacher in a classroom? Do you want to come alongside a friend and help them out once in a while? Do you want to be a formal mentor, possibly in a business setting? Your choice will dictate your next steps. For example, if you wish to teach in the classroom, you might want to ask yourself what skills you have to teach. Perhaps you might want to offer a night class at a Community College. Or you might want to set up a webinar from your home to guide students through some new skills.

 

Define the Goal

 

Once you've established your setting and gained a student or a set of students, you need to create a clear objective. What is the purpose of this teaching relationship? What do you want the other person to get out of it? What do they want to get out of it? 

 

Go All In

 

Don't go into this unless you're truly willing to invest in the individual. Become more interested in helping them succeed as a person than marking their achievements off some list. 

 

Know When to Stop

 

You'll find the best outcomes in giving guidance to others when you know what they truly need. To find this out, you might need to lay aside your agenda and listen to them for a while. Their initial problems might not be what they need to solve. It could be there’s something deeper going on. When you allow the other person room to talk, they will often come around to what's really bothering them if you give them enough time. 

 

Drop Assumptions

 

Don't think you know everything, especially about the person you're mentoring. Rather than assuming anything, take the time to ask them about themselves. Discover what they want out of this relationship.

 

Be Vulnerable

 

You've made mistakes too. Be willing to share your catastrophes. There's a lot of lessons to be learned from other people's mistakes. Your experiences are a valuable tool when it comes to teaching others. 

 

In the end, the best way to make a positive impact on someone's life is to be open and honest in your desire to help and in how you treat the other person. Honesty is crucial to the mentoring relationship.

 

A Simple 3-Step Process to Practice More Empathy

An empathetic person can identify with what someone else is experiencing. They may have had the same experience before. This isn't necessary to practice empathy. You might just be very good at putting yourself in another person's mindset.

 

Someone tells you they lost their job. They're going through so many different negative emotions. They're concerned about their mortgage payment and other financial issues.

 

A person that loses a dream job could start wondering what happened. It took them a long time to get the job they always wanted. They might have been a great employee. Then something occurred that was out of their control. Perhaps the company went bankrupt.

 

This individual could start questioning his own role in the failure of the company. A ton of different negative emotions might be experienced. The empathetic person is able to fully embrace the emotions the other person is going through even if they've never lost a job before.

 

You might want to help your friends and family members by displaying more empathy. You care about them and want to help them when they're in need. If that's the case, simply put into practice the following three-step technique for showing empathy.

 

Step 1 – Listen Actively

 

You might be a good listener. But are you an active listener? Do you just sit there with a blank expression and take in everything that's being said?

 

An active listener uses body language, facial expressions and eye movement to let the person speaking know that they're engaged and present. They are truly and deeply listening. 

 

You use open-ended questions to try to get more information from the speaker. Active listening uses anything at your disposal to get the speaker to share more information. You communicate to that person that their feelings are understood.

 

Step 2 – Validate the Experience

 

People often tell you what's on their minds because they want you to validate what they're saying. They need to know that it's okay to have certain feelings or think a specific way. When you validate a tough situation, someone's experiencing, you let them know they're not alone.

 

You validate an experience by adopting the same feelings and emotions. Tell the person that you're sharing the experience with them and that it's okay. They should recognize whatever emotions are happening. Then the empathetic person tries to figure out what can be done to fix the problem.

 

Step 3 – Offer Advice

 

Empathy is a two-part process. You take on the perspective of another person. You develop an understanding emotionally of what that person is going through. The second part involves action. You provide assistance of some kind. You try to help the person with their struggle. 

 

One way you can do this is by offering smart advice. Remember to think about their situation and not yours. Don't include any bias or judgment. Put yourself in their shoes and then give them advice to help them out of their problem.

 

Showing empathy means you care. It tells people you're putting your own interests aside for a while. The three-step process we just covered can help you show empathy to the people you care about. You'll find that you benefit as much as they do by making an emotional connection.