What are Personal Boundaries and Why We Need Them

You’ve probably heard the phrase before, but maybe you’re unsure what it means. Just what ARE personal boundaries, and what difference do they make in your life?

 

To understand a personal boundary, you have to understand what a boundary is. Let’s start at the dictionary and go from there:

 

bound·a·ry (noun)

a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.

 

Most boundaries are pretty easy to see. The world is full of fences and dividers, clearly marking off space. A personal boundary does the same thing – only on a more invisible and internal level. Let’s look at this on a little closer.

 

What are boundaries?

 

1. A boundary tells you what your responsibility is in a given situation. You already have some boundaries at work or school. These are the parameters of your job or your responsibility as a student and usually are marked out pretty clearly when you took the job or where enrolled. On a personal level, a boundary tells you who you’re responsible for (yourself of course, but you might also be a caregiver). But what about your other responsibilities such as paying your bills, or taking care of your pets?

 

2. A boundary keeps you safe. Many of these should go without saying – such as abstaining from drinking and driving. But sometimes you have to set some such boundaries for yourself. Such as whether or not it’s healthy to be in a relationship with a certain individual.

 

3. A boundary tells us who we are.  Are you a good person? A bad person? A selfish person? A pious one? Our moral code becomes the boundary that defines us.

 

4. A boundary clarifies your needs. What things need to be in place in your life for you to be happiest and healthiest? What protects you for overwork or abuse?

 

5. A boundary defines your relationships. What are the parameters of your relationship? Is that healthy? What is your responsibility to that other person? How are they responsible for you?

 

With all that, it makes sense that having strong boundaries is a good idea. Especially when you take into consideration these facts:

 

Boundaries…

 

…give you a better idea of who you are

…help others to understand your needs

…give guidelines in your relationships

…make for healthy interactions with other people

 

And perhaps most important of all, they are an integral part of self-care.

 

As a side note remember this: Boundaries need to be revisited occasionally and re-evaluated. As we grow and change, our boundaries will change as well. 

 

With all this at stake, it’s no wonder we give boundaries such a lot of attention. Boundaries can mean the difference between a happy and healthy life and a life of drudgery and resentment. 

 

Is it time to learn where to draw the line?

 

How Can I Spark My Imagination?

If you have woken up to discover one day that you have almost completely left your imagination behind in your childhood, you might be wondering how you can get it back. The good news is, there are many ways to spark your imagination to bring it back, a few of which are listed below. 

 

Try Something New

 

One of the main reasons you lose your imagination as you age is because you learn exactly how the world works, and it leaves no room for you to wonder about the unknown. A good way to get your imagination going again is to try something unknown to you. This can be anything from a new hobby, visiting a new restaurant, or a vacation to somewhere new. 

 

Journal

 

Journaling regularly can help spark your creativity, especially if you engage in a string of consciousness thinking where you just let your mind wander and write down whatever comes to mind. This freewriting can help open your mind to new ideas and get your imagination going again! For best results, you should try to journal as frequently as possible, maybe even every day if you can.

 

Read Imaginative Media

 

As you age, you are exposed less and less to imaginative media. Gone are the days where you would read books about castles, dragons, and far-off lands. So help get your imagination going by reading some fiction novels again! There are many fiction novels in the adult section for you to enjoy, but don't be afraid to venture to the Young Adult section. You never know what amazing story will get your mind going.

 

Make A Vision Board

 

Do you have goals in your life that you are nowhere near achieving? Well, surprisingly, achieving goals takes a fair amount of imagination! Creating a visual image of your goal, like creating a vision board, can help get those creative or imaginative juices flowing. This is especially true when you make a physical board using just supplies you can find the house (or maybe old fashion magazines) as it takes creativity to transform unused stuff into a vision board. 

 

Overall, sparking your imagination isn't hard when you know where to start! If you want to get yourself back to a creative state of mind, start by trying something new, incorporate journaling into your everyday life, read more imaginative media, and make a vision board! Before you know it, you will be feeling more imaginative than ever before! 

4 Ways Introverts Can Enjoy More Social Confidence

We used the word "enjoy" in that title for a reason. Social confidence is important for building relationships. This is true of the introvert, the extrovert and the average person which is somewhere between those two personality extremes.

 

You can enjoy a much more successful career when you have powerful social skills. Your personal relationships benefit. The person who's confident when interacting with others has a high level of self-esteem. They enjoy a powerful self-belief that they are capable in social situations.

 

That's not to say that introverts don't have wonderful and rewarding lives. They simply have a view of their best life that's different from an extroverted person.

 

By the way, it's often believed that introverts despise interacting with people. That's almost never the case. It's simply that they would prefer to spend more time on their own. That's how they recharge their batteries. The extroverted person does the same thing by spending a lot of time with other people. Each of these individuals is different in many ways, and no one approach is worse or better than the other.

 

That having been said, introverts often want better skills at socializing. They understand they can improve some aspect of their life if they had more confidence when dealing with people. If this sounds like you, we're here to help. Here are 4 ways that have been proven to help introverts build confidence in social settings.

 

1. Don't Overdo It

 

Introverts can enjoy socializing just as much as introverts. In many cases they do. The difference is that the introverted person loses physical and mental energy from socializing too frequently or for too long. 

 

If you want to perform better in social situations, limit your exposure. Pick your battles. Don't try to drink from a fire hydrant. Plan short periods of time where you're going to expand your social skills over the next week or month. When you feel your energy starts to wane, return home or wherever it is you feel most comfortable recharging your batteries.

 

2. Prepare Ahead of Time

 

You might be an introvert that doesn't have much experience interacting with others. That's okay. You can learn how to socialize. Do some prep work before you know you're going to deal with others. 

 

Think of the conversation beforehand. What's the environment going to be like? Who's going to be there? This type of homework can help you succeed in social situations and become more confident and capable.

 

3. Remember … Rome Wasn't Built in a Day

 

The old saying that it took a long time to build one of the greatest civilizations in human history is important here. Big accomplishments don't happen overnight. If you are extremely introverted, work on one step at a time to become more of a social animal. 

 

Maybe the first thing you want to do is get comfortable leaving your house. You might leave your home and walk 100 feet down the road and then return home. If that's a big deal for you, give yourself a huge pat on the back!

 

You did great. Once you're comfortable leaving home, then strike up a conversation with a stranger. Take one small step at a time and before you know it you'll have walked a mile down the road to improving your social skills.

 

4. Look at Rejection like a Successful Salesperson

 

The best salespeople get excited when they hear, "No." They know that every rejection gets them closer to making their next sale. You can look at social rejection the same way. See the situation objectively. What can you learn? What did you do right? What did you do wrong? Take rejection or social failure as an opportunity to get better, and then move on.

 

Introverts aren't necessarily scared of people. They usually aren't. They just prefer to spend a minimal amount of time in the presence of others. If this is yo, and you want to build your social confidence, the tips we just shared with you can help. They make you feel more comfortable when interacting with people. You'll also be proud of yourself for stepping out of your comfort zone.

Become Socially Confident by Questioning Your Negative Thoughts

Confidence gives you the ability to trust in yourself. You understand that you're going to make some mistakes. You're going to fail. But you keep going. You're confident that you can create a positive outcome. You also understand that any failure is not a declaration of who you are as a person.

 

It's just a thing. It's just something that happened, nothing more. You learn from it and then move on.

 

When you lack confidence you don't usually have that powerful belief in yourself. You question your ability to do something. Before you know it, you're lacking confidence in several different activities or responsibilities. That's because when you start to lose confidence in some aspect of your life, it can be unfortunately contagious. Low self-confidence can spread to every corner of your life and have a powerfully negative impact.

 

One way people develop a lack of social confidence is by believing their nagging inner voice. 

 

You know the voice we're talking about. It's incessant, always there, and it never seems to have a positive point of view. The "what if" scenarios it paints doesn't make a pretty picture. The next time you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk, simply do this.

 

Ask yourself if the negative thought is absolutely true without a doubt.

 

Just because you have a thought doesn't make it true. Think about previous beliefs you had that you learned were incorrect. You may have been pretty sure you were thinking the right way. Then reality or a life experience taught you a valuable lesson. Your thoughts are sometimes wrong.

 

Questioning Negative Thoughts Takes Away Their Power

 

People prefer to have their experiences reaffirm their beliefs. This is why socially confident people often create positive social interactions. Their confidence leads them to a place where their ability to create a positive social outcome is greatly enhanced.

 

When you stick to negative social beliefs you do the same thing. You listen to your inner voice. It tells you that nothing but bad is going to come from some interaction with another person. You believe that thought without questioning it. 

 

This makes you nervous. You focus on a negative outcome so much that you virtually guarantee it's going to occur.

 

To keep this from happening, answer your inner voice. When it starts talking to you negatively about a social interaction, ask why it thinks that way. Challenge it to prove what it's saying without a shadow of a doubt. Then began to pick apart the negative thought.

 

Instead of asking yourself what could go wrong, ask yourself what could go right. Stop thinking the negative thought and realize there's a possibility for a wonderful and positive outcome. This is a proven way to become more socially confident and capable.

Socially Confident People Know It's Not Always about Them

Sometimes a lack of confidence comes from internalizing your thoughts. You're thinking about what you are doing wrong, what you could do better, and why you aren't good enough to make friends or socialize in some other way. Those thought patterns can wreck your social confidence so much that you withdraw and simply avoid interacting with other people.

 

The socially confident person knows that the focus should be on others. That's what socializing is all about, isn't it? It's about interacting with others, not yourself. This is why social confidence leads to a person reaching out rather than inward.

 

You can start believing in your ability to interact with others by thinking about them and not so much about yourself. Ask them how they feel. Compliment them on their clothing. Get them talking about their thoughts and emotions rather than you focusing on your own.

 

This is just one way socially confident men and women approach human interaction. They also understand that if their effort at socializing doesn't work, it's not always about them.

 

You Can't Control Other People

 

Imagine the following scenario. You don't always feel comfortable in social settings. You're at a work event you had to attend. There are a bunch of people you don't know there. In fact, you only know a couple of people out of several dozen.

 

You decide to stake take a step out of your comfort zone. 

 

You approach someone, put a smile on your face, and introduce yourself. They begrudgingly return your greeting, and don't look too happy that you approached them. You stick to your guns. You make a comment about some workplace incident that happened recently. The person responds with a disinterested look and simply walks away.

 

How do you perceive that interaction?

 

The socially confident person doesn't care. She feels good about herself. She took a step out of her comfort zone and greeted a total stranger. That was big for her. She is learning to be socially confident.

 

It's not her fault that the other person is having a bad day or for whatever reason didn't want to communicate with her. She shrugs off the event and moves on to someone else.

 

Understand that you can do everything right and someone might not respond to you favorably. That's just life. Don't beat yourself up. You can never understand what's going on in another person's mind or in their life. You do what you need to do to build your social skills. That's all you can do. It's all you have control over, your own actions.

 

Be happy that you tried something when you weren't really comfortable. Congratulate yourself for the effort, knowing that everyone won't respond in a negative way to your attempts at socializing.

How to Stop Yourself from Sabotaging Your Own Success

When you sabotage your own success, you are using action or inaction that will undermine your progress and prevent you from accomplishing your goals. You will be hindering your own success. 

 

Some people may undermine their good intentions and defeat their long-term goals. If you take destructive steps like this, it can have a negative impact on almost every part of your life, including your career and relationships. 

 

This article will discuss self-sabotage and teach you ways to stop yourself from sabotaging your own success in life. 

Why Do People Develop Self-Sabotaging Behaviors?

 

There are various reasons why people may thwart their own progress. The causes can range from effects of prior relationships to issues experienced in childhood. Other reasons include coping problems and low self-esteem.

 

Self-sabotage may serve as a temporary coping mechanism for dealing with past traumas and stressful situations. However, it usually makes those problems even harder to deal with, and limits someone’s ability to move beyond them. 

How Can You Stop Yourself from Sabotaging Your Own Success?

 

You can overcome your self-sabotaging problems and replace them with self-confidence, with practice. Here are some tips to stop yourself from sabotaging your own success:

1. Recognize the Behaviors You Use to Sabotage Yourself

 

If you want to stop self-sabotaging, you must recognize the behaviors that sabotage you. Think about goals you may have had for years but have not yet accomplished. Are there areas where you put off making decisions? Do you suffer from a lack of motivation, in minor things as well as important things?

2. Understand Emotions that Lead to Self-Sabotaging Behaviors

 

Behaviors that cause you to sabotage your own success often stem from feelings of anger, anxiety, or worthlessness. Try to manage those emotions, so you won’t commit yourself to any behaviors that will have negative consequences. Check for warning signs of anxiety or anger before they can get out of control.

3. Change Unhelpful Thoughts, Emotion, and Behaviors

 

As you discover negative thoughts and emotions that trigger your self-sabotage behavior, challenge them. If you change one of those aspects, you can change the others more easily.

4. Develop Behaviors that Support You and Your Goals

 

After you identify and begin defeating the false thoughts and emotions that lead to self-sabotaging behavior, you can then begin rebuilding your confidence and self-esteem. 

5. Challenge All of Your Excuses

 

Pay attention to all the excuses you’ve developed when you don’t reach a goal, or when you fail in some way. Usually, the excuses are made to cope with your pain of failing. 

6. Don’t Feed Your Fears Anymore

 

Fears will not go away all by themselves, simply by your pretending they’re not there, or by pushing them to the side. If you don’t attend to fears, they grow stronger. Challenge your fears and see if they’re real and take actions to reduce fears wherever you can. 

7. Learn From Each of Your Mistakes

 

You’re probably the only one who sees yourself as a failure, but many people see themselves in the same way. Everyone will make mistakes – at home and in their professional life. Learn from those mistakes, rather than dwelling on them or burying them. 

8. Understand Your Limits

 

Don’t take on many things at once that you don’t have the capacity, control, or capabilities to handle. You can go after more than one objective, but don’t take on more than you can accomplish. Know what your limits are and stay within them. 

Final Thoughts

 

When you sabotage your own success, it makes life more challenging than it needs to be. There is a great deal of pressure in your life, which can translate into anxiety or stress in your career position and your relationships. 

 

Embrace your capabilities and your potential to be successful, and don’t let doubts or negative emotions keep you from becoming everything you desire to be. 

6 Things to Do When You Get Bad News

The first several minutes after you hear bad news can whirl you around like a tornado. Your mind spins and you can barely even catch a breath. If someone is speaking the news to you, your pounding heart may begin to drown them out. It’s just too much. 

There are good ways to handle bad news, and I will share these tips with you in this article. Try them and see if you don’t recover more quickly from bad news. 

Steady Your Breathing and Don’t Allow Yourself to Panic

 

When you get bad news, it sucks the life right out of you. Don’t panic. Instead, pause and take a few deep breaths. Center yourself. Take a walk as this can help ground you and calm you down. This will give you clarity and the energy to keep moving forward. 

Don’t Avoid the Negative Emotions You Feel, but Don’t Let Them Overwhelm You

 

Attempting to avoid negative feelings may cause more harm than good. Allow yourself to feel the negative emotions as a natural reaction. Emotions are not your enemy. Let yourself react in whatever way it will, as far as emotions go. 

 

Healthy versus unhealthy emotional reactions include:

 

• Healthy: My heart is heavy, and I feel sad.

• Unhealthy: My life as I know it is over. We’re doomed.

• Healthy: I’m angry about this news.

• Unhealthy: Screw life, let’s just give up.

 

Concentrate on Your Physical Well-Being

 

Keeping your calm and maintaining your perspective depends largely on your physical well-being. Try to be as kind as possible to yourself when experiencing bad news. Get sufficient exercise and sleep and avoid taking drugs or drinking alcohol in excess. 

Reach Out to Others for Reassurance and Advice

 

When you feel overwhelmed, vulnerable and threatened, it’s natural to reach out to someone in your social network for reassurance, advice or a fresh perspective. Be sure to choose a person who will listen to your feelings and know positive ways to respond. You don’t want to choose someone who will make you feel worse.

 

Being with other people will allow you to more easily work through your feelings and thoughts, to regain a calm perspective. You can also enjoy engaging in painting, writing or spending quality time out in the natural world. 

Put Everything in Perspective

 

If you tend to hold onto negative feelings for too long, reach inside and attempt to put the situation into proper perspective. Accept good aspects as well as bad ones, in the situation. 

 

Write down things you feel grateful for and remind yourself about the things that are most important to you. This helps you to realize that it’s not really the end of the world just because you’ve received bad news. 

Develop an Action Plan

 

Draw up a plan of how to get your life back on track if the bad news has affected parts of your personal life. Set a deadline when you want to be fully back on track, and no longer dwelling on bad news. 

 

Only use practical plans in moving forward. This creates new opportunities to discover fresh ideas based on those plans. You’ll appreciate the planning when you’re back on track mentally and physically. 

Conclusion

 

The framework created by these positive reactions to bad news will help you to triage whatever the rest of this year and beyond will bring. No one is perfect in their responses to bad news but striving to confront the negative feelings and ideas that directly bother you is much better than allowing them to fester.

 

Ask for help whenever you need it from a trusted person, to help yourself in healing sooner and not later.

Reference

 

How to Cope With Bad News | Psychology Today

 

5 Ways to Reinvent Yourself When You’re Stuck in Life

If you’re like most people, you may have done more in your career and life than you ever dreamed of doing. Your life changes when you do such things and will continue to change as long as you keep your mind open to reinventing yourself.

 

Change is an amazing thing for humans! You must keep pushing yourself. Don’t sit back and revel in what you have accomplished, and then be the same person you were when you were younger. You must continue to grow and evolve in order to have a life that is interesting and dynamic. 

 

Here are 5 ways that you can reinvent yourself when you are stuck in a rut in your life.

 

1. Redirecting Your Life

 

This redirection can be perceived as a setting of goals or visualization. As you ponder the difficulties you have overcome in the past year, you can begin moving forward and looking at the new, bright year ahead. Start each year with positivity and hopefulness. 

 

Be sure to write down your goals, so they will be more easily visualized and seen in real time. After you write down your goals, break them into mini goals. Those are easier to track one day at a time. Redirecting yourself through setting goals will help you to achieve them, albeit not immediately. 

 

2. Making a Bucket List

 

When you’re stuck in a rut in your life, take some time and imagine what your work and personal life could look like. Ask yourself questions and write the answers down. Writing the answers down is a simple act that brings forth forward momentum and clarity, making it easier to fulfill your aspirations and your purpose in life. Take the time to imagine your life as it can be and follow the directions to take you to that life. 

 

3. Starting Small Makes Big Changes Achievable

 

Starting small is the best way to make big changes in your life. The smaller changes make it easier for you to stick with your changes in the long run. If you’re trying to accomplish too much at once, the changes may not be sustained, and you’ll feel overwhelmed. Remember:

 

• Drastic life shifts are always intimidating.

• Starting small makes them less scary.

• Take one small step at a time.

 

Something as small as starting your morning routine 30 minutes earlier can be one simple step. That way, your body will become accustomed to changes you make. 

 

4. Cultivating Presence

 

It may seem that you’re told you need to do more, rather than being more. If you follow that order, you may begin to function just on autopilot. Switch off that autopilot by using mindfulness techniques. This will be helpful in rerouting your thinking. You will not worry about the past or the future as much, so you can become rooted in the present. 

 

You can also take a step back to make your decisions from a calm, clear place, rather than making them amid chaos and being always busy. 

 

5. Identifying Areas of Your Life You Want to Change

 

Reinventing yourself can be accomplished in part by identifying the areas of your life that you’d like to change. Explore just what you want to change. You may often view transformations as “before and after” or “black and white.” 

 

However, changing even small areas of your daily life may have a wonderful ripple effect. Holistically assess your life and look at each area, before identifying those you want to change. 

 

Conclusion

 

It only takes one skill, one bit of information or one thought to begin reinventing yourself when you’re stuck in life. The power is always within you. It just needs to be unlocked. Once you have unlocked the power using the steps above, you’ll see endless possibilities for your future. Start creating and living the life you most desire. 

 

References

 

https://carenmerrick.com/how-to-reinvent-yourself-regardless-of-age-or-circumstance/

 

https://thecreativeindependent.com/guides/how-to-reinvent-yourself/

 

https://psychcentral.com/blog/feeling-stuck-in-life-tips-to-move-forward#when-to-seek-help