How to Stop Yourself from Sabotaging Your Own Success

When you sabotage your own success, you are using action or inaction that will undermine your progress and prevent you from accomplishing your goals. You will be hindering your own success. 

 

Some people may undermine their good intentions and defeat their long-term goals. If you take destructive steps like this, it can have a negative impact on almost every part of your life, including your career and relationships. 

 

This article will discuss self-sabotage and teach you ways to stop yourself from sabotaging your own success in life. 

Why Do People Develop Self-Sabotaging Behaviors?

 

There are various reasons why people may thwart their own progress. The causes can range from effects of prior relationships to issues experienced in childhood. Other reasons include coping problems and low self-esteem.

 

Self-sabotage may serve as a temporary coping mechanism for dealing with past traumas and stressful situations. However, it usually makes those problems even harder to deal with, and limits someone’s ability to move beyond them. 

How Can You Stop Yourself from Sabotaging Your Own Success?

 

You can overcome your self-sabotaging problems and replace them with self-confidence, with practice. Here are some tips to stop yourself from sabotaging your own success:

1. Recognize the Behaviors You Use to Sabotage Yourself

 

If you want to stop self-sabotaging, you must recognize the behaviors that sabotage you. Think about goals you may have had for years but have not yet accomplished. Are there areas where you put off making decisions? Do you suffer from a lack of motivation, in minor things as well as important things?

2. Understand Emotions that Lead to Self-Sabotaging Behaviors

 

Behaviors that cause you to sabotage your own success often stem from feelings of anger, anxiety, or worthlessness. Try to manage those emotions, so you won’t commit yourself to any behaviors that will have negative consequences. Check for warning signs of anxiety or anger before they can get out of control.

3. Change Unhelpful Thoughts, Emotion, and Behaviors

 

As you discover negative thoughts and emotions that trigger your self-sabotage behavior, challenge them. If you change one of those aspects, you can change the others more easily.

4. Develop Behaviors that Support You and Your Goals

 

After you identify and begin defeating the false thoughts and emotions that lead to self-sabotaging behavior, you can then begin rebuilding your confidence and self-esteem. 

5. Challenge All of Your Excuses

 

Pay attention to all the excuses you’ve developed when you don’t reach a goal, or when you fail in some way. Usually, the excuses are made to cope with your pain of failing. 

6. Don’t Feed Your Fears Anymore

 

Fears will not go away all by themselves, simply by your pretending they’re not there, or by pushing them to the side. If you don’t attend to fears, they grow stronger. Challenge your fears and see if they’re real and take actions to reduce fears wherever you can. 

7. Learn From Each of Your Mistakes

 

You’re probably the only one who sees yourself as a failure, but many people see themselves in the same way. Everyone will make mistakes – at home and in their professional life. Learn from those mistakes, rather than dwelling on them or burying them. 

8. Understand Your Limits

 

Don’t take on many things at once that you don’t have the capacity, control, or capabilities to handle. You can go after more than one objective, but don’t take on more than you can accomplish. Know what your limits are and stay within them. 

Final Thoughts

 

When you sabotage your own success, it makes life more challenging than it needs to be. There is a great deal of pressure in your life, which can translate into anxiety or stress in your career position and your relationships. 

 

Embrace your capabilities and your potential to be successful, and don’t let doubts or negative emotions keep you from becoming everything you desire to be. 

Breaking Bad Habits: A Practical Guide To Positive Change

Why is it so difficult to overcome bad habits when we know we may harm ourselves or others? For example, we know about the health risks associated with smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol excessively, and overeating. 

 

Our families, friends, and others are impacted by secondhand smoke and the effects of alcoholism. We want to give up our bad habits, but the short-term pleasure makes quitting or changing habits challenging. This article will explore the psychology that causes us to form habits and how to make positive changes to break bad habits.

 

About Habits

Our repetitive actions become habitual and are a normal part of the human state. Habits can be beneficial, such as taking a shower or exercising. On the other hand, regular use of illegal drugs, for example, can become a bad habit. Habits can also form when pleasurable things prompt the brain’s “reward” center, leading to unhealthy routines like gambling or overeating.

 

Eventually, the habit becomes an automatic behavior without consciously thinking about it, and it can be difficult to stop. Developing new habits is challenging since the brain retains automatic behavior. 

 

Still, you can eliminate bad habits with patience and commitment by trying the following practical strategies for positive change.

 

Identify Your Bad Habits and Triggers: List the habits you want to change to improve your well-being. Don’t try to change all your habits at once. Instead, choose the highest priority habit that you want to change and focus on it. This will increase your chances of success.

 

Think about what triggers the habit and explore options for avoiding it. For example, assume that you are stressed after work each day and find that drinking alcohol helps you to relax. However, you’ve gotten into the habit of drinking excessively and are concerned about your health. 

 

In that case, you can learn techniques such as meditation to help you relax. Ensure that you take short breaks during the workday to practice meditation. This will help you to cope with stress better. After work, when you feel the urge for a drink, substitute it with exercise, such as a brisk walk to help you unwind.

 

Your goal is to reduce or remove the trigger and substitute the bad habit with a good one.

 

Accept Discomfort: Changing habits is complex and can make you anxious and agitated. Recognize that these are normal feelings; they are temporary and will diminish with time. If you feel discomfort, do something that relaxes you; it’s a distraction and will help you to feel better. Consider going for a walk, reading, playing a game, or taking a short nap.

 

Adopt a Positive Mindset: We all have an inner voice and unconsciously have negative thoughts at times that are discouraging or detrimental to our well-being. You may think, “I can’t do this,” or “I’ll never kick this habit.” Be aware of these thoughts and replace them with positive self-talk such as “I can do this” or “I will do this.”

 

Be Kind to Yourself: You’re human; it’s essential to forgive yourself if you backslide while trying to break a habit. Give yourself credit for your efforts thus far. Rather than give up or put yourself down with negative self-talk, you can pick up where you left off and get back on track. Remember to be aware of scenarios that trigger the habit and either avoid or substitute the behavior with something positive.

 

Conclusion

When we repetitively practice behaviors, good or bad, those behaviors become habits. The habits that are bad for us are challenging to overcome. However, we can learn how to identify the triggers that make us indulge in our detrimental routines and then avoid the trigger or substitute it with positive behaviors such as exercise or enjoying a stroll in the park. 

 

Along the way, if we backslide, we must remain positive and persistent and keep trying. In the long run, by trying the preceding tips, you are taking a practical approach to making positive changes in your life.

References

https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2012/01/breaking-bad-habits

 

https://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/breaking-bad-habits

 

https://knowablemagazine.org/content/article/mind/2021/the-science-habits

 

The Balancing Act: Letting Go Of The Need To Control Everything And Finding Harmony

As chaotic as modern life can be, you can find balance. It's difficult to get it right, especially when you're trying to embrace life's spontaneity while also creating an efficient routine to maximize your time and opportunities. 

 

There's a big part of it that requires control, the problem is that the desire for too much control can stress you out and make you incredibly anxious. This need for too much control steeps you into a state of perpetual tension. Here, we talk about the balancing act and the art of letting go. 

 

Control is an Illusion 

 

Control is an illusion, it's the idea that you can dictate all of the outcomes throughout your life. There are, of course, certain things you can control. If you're getting a degree, license, or qualification in something, you can control the level of study you put in for the testing process. That's in your hands. 

 

Not everything is that simple, though, and the reality is most things in life are inherently unpredictable. So, the more you cling to this illusion of control, the more stressed out you become and the more frustrated and disappointed you feel when things don't go your way. Accept that there are limits to what you can control. 

 

Embrace the Uncertainty 

 

Some of the beauty of life lies in its unpredictability, some of the greatest moments of your life probably came from nowhere. Embrace that uncertainty, it might be a shift in your perspective, but it gives you the freedom to navigate new situations with more grace and patience. Don't resist change, don't avoid unpredictability, lean in, and recognize there's a chance for growth. 

 

Cultivate Mindfulness

 

Mindfulness is a useful tool and a powerful one in your journey to let go and find balance. By cultivating a level of mindfulness, you are detaching yourself from the desperate need to control everything. Focus on the present, find peace, and enjoy clarity in the here and now instead of getting caught up in the past or obsessing about the future. 

 

Identify Your Areas of Control 

 

As important as it is to understand how limited your control is, it's just as important to recognize your areas of control. When you understand what you can control, you can focus your efforts and energy on those areas to maximize that control. It also gives you a deep sense of empowerment, without the added burden of managing something that's unmanageable. 

 

The Process

 

While some people think letting go is showing weakness, the reality is it's recognition that you are human. Sometimes, you have to surrender to the process and let life do what it's going to do without trying to control every single detail. You can't micromanage, so don't bother trying!

 

The Joy of Imperfection 

 

There are two big issues that plague us – the need for control and perfectionism and they go hand-in-hand. When you embrace imperfection, you're letting go of control – you're letting go of the idea that everything needs to be flawless and freeing yourself from the unrealistic expectations society places on you. Find joy in those imperfections, that's where you can flourish. 

 

Embrace Self-Compassion 

 

Self-compassion is the final piece of the puzzle because you can't let go and find balance without it. You need to recognize that it's okay that you don't have it all figured out, that it's okay if you're still making mistakes – it's all part of the human experience. `Treat yourself with kindness in those moments of uncertainty. 

 

Final Thoughts

 

There is a delicate balancing act between leaning into life and letting go of control. You have to make a conscious effort to loosen your grip on those reins, but in doing so, you will finally be able to find harmony in life! The biggest secret out there is you'll find harmony in this moment, which means letting go and enjoying every moment for what it is. 

 

Forgiveness As Liberation: The Art Of Letting Go Of Resentment

Everyone has experienced conflict and hurt from other’s words or conduct. Suppose a co-worker got credit for your work, or you were bullied as a child. Incidents such as these leave you feeling resentful, bitter, and angry long-term if not resolved. Unresolved resentment can have a significant impact on your health.

 

“There is an enormous physical burden to being hurt and disappointed,” says Karen Swartz, M.D., director of the Mood Disorders Adult Consultation Clinic, Johns Hopkins Hospital. Chronic resentment can affect blood pressure, heart rate, and immune response, raising the risk of heart disease, depression, and other conditions.

 

On a positive note, forgiveness helps to calm your stress level, resulting in better physical and mental health.

 

Why Do We Feel Resentment?

 

When someone hurts us, we may feel a range of negative emotions such as sadness, hostility, or even hatred. When we don’t let go and forgive, we are consumed with those pessimistic feelings, affecting our self-esteem and well-being. If you are suffering from chronic resentment, you can learn to be forgiving; forgiving is a choice.

 

What is Forgiveness?

 

Psychologists commonly define forgiveness as “A conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.” 

 

Bear in mind that you can forgive without denying or forgetting the wrongdoing against you. You are not required to mend a bad relationship or release others from legal liability. 

 

How to Forgive

 

Choose Forgiveness

 

First, you need to decide whether you choose to forgive. While you don't have to forgive, it is to your benefit to do so. Research by the Annals of Behavioral Medicine shows that increased forgiveness decreases perceived stress and improves mental and physical health.

 

Leverage the Power of Positive Thinking

The effect of negative thinking and feelings is unhappiness. In order to heal, be consciously aware when you’re burdened with pessimistic thoughts. Use positive self-talk to replace the distressing thoughts. For example, you may want to retaliate against the person who hurt you. Remind yourself that you will be fair with that person and that you will not mirror their harmful actions.

 

Change Your Perspective

Think about the other person to understand their actions better. Was the person hurt by others or mistreated? Is the person going through a difficult time? That person may be in pain, struggling with chronic resentment, affecting their behavior with others. Look at the person with a compassionate perspective to gain insight. You don’t need to excuse the person, but you can forgive and move forward.

 

Acknowledge and Accept Your Pain

Recognize the hurt you’re feeling; don’t avoid it. Explore the emotions you’re experiencing and accept the pain. Psychology Today reports “Pain is actually a necessary part of happiness, and research shows that it can lead to pleasure in several ways.” For example, pain helps you recognize happiness; otherwise, you wouldn’t recognize it as happiness. Also, relief from pain is pleasurable and increases your happiness.

 

Conclusion

When someone hurts us, we may have a difficult time letting go of the feelings of resentment. Chronic resentment harms our well-being in many ways. On the other hand, forgiveness frees us from negative emotions, calms our stress levels, and brings us peace of mind. While we don’t have to deny or forget the offense against us, letting go of resentment and practicing forgiveness is liberating and necessary for optimal wellness.

"I think the first step is to understand that forgiveness does not exonerate the perpetrator. Forgiveness liberates the victim. It's a gift you give yourself." - T.D. Jakes

 

References

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/forgiveness-your-health-depends-on-it

 

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/forgiveness/definition#what-is-forgiveness

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5055412/

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201511/5-reasons-you-have-accept-pain-if-you-want-be-happy#:~:text=But%20pain%20is%20actually%20a,t%20recognize%20it%20as%20happiness

Baggage Be Gone: How To Let Go Of Emotional Weight

Per Sabrina Romanoff, a clinical psychologist, in an article published in Very Well Mind, emotional baggage “...refers to unfinished emotional issues, stressors, pain, and difficulties we’ve experienced that continue to take up space in our minds and affect our present relationships”

 

In other words, the psychological wounds we carry prevent us from living peacefully. Worse, emotional baggage can lead to ongoing stress and depression, and even begin to create physical issues. It’s not uncommon for people with lots of emotional baggage to experience panic attacks, heart palpitations, shortness of breath, and insomnia. 

 

Though we all carry some sort of emotional baggage throughout our lives, the happiest people are those who learn to control their emotional baggage instead of allowing it to control them. Of course, this is easier said than done. 

 

However, we have some helpful tips on how to let go of the emotional weight so you can start living freely. 

 

Identify What Caused It

 

Think of addressing your emotional baggage like mold remediation. Though your goal is to treat the mold, you first have to identify what caused it because it doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. The same concept applies to this. 

 

If you carry guilt or commitment issues - two very common types of emotional weight - then it’s not enough to just accept what happened or just jump into a relationship to prove you’re okay. Doing so may lead to temporary satisfaction, but nothing sustainable. Instead, you need to figure out why these feelings exist. Like the mold, you have to get down to the real cause and treat that before you can address anything else. 

 

For example, the root cause of commitment issues could be anything from fear of rejection or abandonment that stems from childhood or having experienced abuse in a previous relationship. By identifying the root cause, you can then address its symptoms.

 

Seek Therapy 

 

If you’re dealing with an emotional weight that’s beginning to get too heavy to carry, then one way you can start to let go is by letting someone else help you with the load. One way to do this is by seeking the guidance and support of a licensed therapist.

 

In therapy, you can address your past and how it’s currently infringing on your life. Furthermore, you’ll get a chance to address what you don’t like about the baggage, which can help motivate you to unpack it. 

 

Though therapy has become a little more expensive in recent years, there are affordable options through apps like BetterHelp. Many therapists also work on a sliding scale or even on a pro bono basis, so don’t be afraid to ask about those options. 

 

Learn to Sit With Uncomfortable Emotions

 

One of the main reasons why we tend to hold onto emotional baggage is because we don’t take the time to process it. 

 

Though everyone has their coping mechanisms, it’s never healthy to avoid your emotions or try pushing them under the rug. Even if you do that - and think things are okay for a little while - they will eventually pop up again the next time you encounter a similar emotion or situation. 

 

A good example would be grief. If you don’t take the time to feel sad and angry, you may not be equipped to take care of yourself or be a strong support system for others when they, too, eventually encounter loss. 

 

It’s going to be uncomfortable but sit with your sadness when you start feeling sad. Cry when you feel like crying. Scream when you feel angry. Starting out, and to make this easier, you can even set a timer so you’re only dealing with these negative emotions within a window you feel comfortable with. 

 

When you do this, you take the power back from these emotions, so they no longer control you. With enough practice and time, you’ll be able to encounter a sad moment instead of allowing the emotional weight of a trigger to ruin your entire day. 

 

These are just a few of the best ways you can begin to let go of emotional baggage. While we all have emotional weight, you don’t have to let it rule over you. There’s a grace in allowing yourself to be human and remember that what words or actions hurt you in the past don’t have to be your identifiers forever. 

 

The Stress Relieving Value of Accepting Your Differences

Were you ever teased as a child? A lot of us were. Some kids will make fun of others who are fatter or skinnier, taller or shorter, or different in some other way. They, unfortunately, learn this behavior from adults who likewise chastise their colleagues, friends, and others for nothing more than being different.

 

This becomes a big problem when several children attack another child and declare some difference to be negative. When this behavior is ongoing, the different child can begin to feel low self-worth. After all, if everyone is telling her that she's different and that her differences aren't good, they must be right.

 

Why else would they all be saying the same thing? That child becomes upset with the person she sees in the mirror. Why is she overweight? Why is her skin different from others? Why wasn't she given the intelligence that all her friends have? This leads to self-doubt, low self-esteem, and in some cases, risky and unsafe behavior.

 

Stress Is a Killer, but It Doesn't Have To Be

 

Obviously, that's a very stressful scenario. Unfortunately, this is a common situation for not just children but teens, young adults, and even older grown-ups.

 

It causes so much stress, both physical and mental. The stress starts to build up because the differences are seen as negative. The marvelous, unique individual that was created is not allowed to be who they really are. They try not to be themselves.

 

On the physiological side of the equation, this chronic stress produces chemicals that lead to anxiety, depression, and other negative feelings. Ask any doctor, and they'll tell you stress is related to most chronic illnesses and many major causes of death.

 

Your differences don't have to be stressful. They shouldn't be. When you embrace who you are, you realize you have much to offer the world. You're fine just like you are right now. This leads to confidence and less stress. You aren't as anxious about trying to please others by fitting into some silly idea they have of who you should be.

 

Your confidence and self-esteem go up when you accept and love your differences. 

 

You'll also find that certain people in your life want to manipulate you rather than accept who you are. Perhaps you should move on from these people and spend more time with supportive individuals who encourage your uniqueness.

 

Be happy with who you are. You're the only "you" that will ever be created. There will never be another human being exactly like you. When you embrace that fact and look at your differences as advantages, you'll suffer less stress and anxiety and enjoy more self-love, fulfillment, and success.

 

How Avoidance Actually Creates More Stress

When you have an especially difficult or stressful task on your plate, it can be very tempting to avoid completing said task. Or if you don’t like to think about a subject because of an experience, it can seem easier to just not think about that topic. Both of these situations are known as avoidance, and though it may be tempting to engage in this behavior, it causes more stress than it relieves. 

 

You Won’t Stop Thinking About It

 

If you’ve ever experienced trauma, it can be tempting to avoid all thoughts of things that may remind you of the trauma you experienced. Although this may be less painful in the short run, the truth is, long term, this will stress you out more because the thoughts of your trauma will always return until you genuinely learn to deal with them rather than avoid them. The same holds for certain physical tasks. You may put them off because you don’t want to think about them, but this will only stress you out more because you will have to keep thinking about the task instead of simply completing it now.

 

You’ll Run Out Of Time

 

When you put off a task, you may momentarily relieve your stress by telling yourself you will complete the task later. But this is worse than doing the job now because later you will experience more pressure as you are faced with a fast-approaching deadline. This is especially true if you haven’t left yourself enough time to complete the task and have to rush at the last minute. 

 

Avoidance Creates Conflict

 

Maybe a coworker is waiting for you to complete your work so they can get started on theirs. And if you didn’t leave yourself enough time before the deadline, you may cause them to be late on meeting their deadline as well. This can cause a conflict between you as your coworker may be upset that you made them late. And when you experience conflict in your relationships, this only adds to your overall stress level rather than lowering it.

 

Although it can be extremely tempting to avoid certain tasks or put them off, this is a flawed approach as it will only cause you more stress in the long run. This is because avoidance doesn’t solve any problems. Instead, it just creates conflict, which leads to increased stress in the future.

 

If You Want Less Stress and Anxiety, Learn to Empathize More

Stress is a killer. You might hear someone say, "The stress at my job is killing me!" They could be overstating the situation. In many cases though, stress can quite literally kill you.

 

Chronic stress is related to the six leading causes of death. It's believed that more than 75% of all trips to the emergency room or a doctor are stress-related. So the next time a friend tells you stress is killing him, you might want to take that statement seriously.

 

Ask anyone you know and they'll tell you of a stressful situation they experienced recently. This is an unfortunately common occurrence. You might have too much stress in your own life.

 

For a number of reasons, you can benefit from stressing less and relaxing more often. If that sounds like something you'd enjoy, just learn to empathize more.

 

How Empathy Leads to Less Stress and Depression

 

An empathetic person can place themselves in the emotional experience of someone else. That's the first part of empathy. The part of the empathetic process some people forget is responding in a way that's helpful.

 

You see a coworker has a huge workload. She's stressing out and you know there's no possible way she can hit a proposed deadline. You communicate to her that even though her productivity is excellent and she's a great worker, you don't know how she's going to get everything done. 

 

You just paid her a compliment. You saw her emotions were frazzled and she wasn't in a good place mentally. So, you said something nice about her ability on the job.

 

The next thing you can do after you identify with her situation is to provide assistance. Offer to help her tackle some of her responsibilities. When you do, your coworker will thank you. She'll experience less stress, and science tells us that you'll also have less stress, anxiety and depression.

 

When you learn to recognize that someone else is experiencing negative emotions, you want to help. This is the response for most people. What also happens is that you subconsciously recognize that you're not in that situation. You can understand your coworker's emotional stress, but you aren't experiencing the same thing yourself.

 

Dr. Jamil Zaki is a psychology professor and the director of the Social Neuroscience Laboratory in Stanford. He says empathy can help you see past the many differences people have. It helps you move past prejudice or bias. These are negative emotions. They can produce a stress response in your body. Empathy doesn't allow that to develop.

 

Dr. Zaki also says empathy makes people happier in their relationships and even more successful at work. Studies show us that an empathetic person learns how to process his or her own emotions properly by being able to recognize the emotions other people are going through. That means being more empathetic in your life cannot only help others, but it can also give you a wonderful boost of less stress and more peace of mind.