3 Common Patterns of Self-Sabotage

It seems difficult to believe that people might do things not in their best interests. This behavior sometimes happens again and again. Don't people want to do what's best for them? Why would anyone knowingly take action in a way that has caused them some negative outcome in the past and threatens to do the same thing again?

 

This is what self-sabotage is. It's frustrating because it's often repetitive. A person continues to make decisions that produce a less-than-enjoyable result. Sometimes the person is so aware of what's going on that they will jokingly refer to the problems they will face if they act in some way (or don't act).

 

This happens because when we continually make choices that don't produce the greatest results, we are often driven by psychological or emotional influences. This can make it tough to spot self-defeating behavior. If you want to create more positive results in your life, keep an eye out for these three common patterns of self-sabotage.

 

1. Being a Perfectionist

 

You might think that attempting to be perfect is a positive trait. It really isn't. The people that succeed at the highest levels in their fields understand that they always need to push themselves, but they are also aware that perfection doesn't exist. 

 

You can always improve in some way. It makes sense to strive to improve in areas of your life because you know this can improve the quality of your life. That's admirable. 

 

A problem develops when this becomes an all-or-nothing mindset. It keeps you from taking action or getting involved in opportunities because before you even get started, you don't see the potential for a perfect outcome.

 

2. Embracing Extremes

 

Perhaps you never say no when a friend asks a favor. Before you know it, you have so many responsibilities that your life suffers. You place others before your needs. Maybe you lack moderation in some other way. Moderation helps you avoid self-sabotage that can cause problems in many aspects of your life.

 

3. Trying to Do It All Yourself

 

We all need help from time to time. The self-saboteur refuses to admit this. If you don't get help when needed, this can lead to failure. You have no one to blame if turning to your friends or loved ones for help is all you would have needed to be successful instead.

 

Remember that perfection doesn't exist in the human condition. Strive for moderation and steer clear of extremes. Get help when you need it. These are simple ways to avoid destructive and damaging behavior that can keep you from experiencing positive results.

 

Understanding What's Causing Your Self-Sabotaging Behavior

The English word sabotage has French origins. In the late 18th century, French laborers demanding better working conditions would make noise by beating their wooden shoes together. They would also throw these shoes, called sabots, into machinery to stop production as a protest.

 

A saboteur was someone who made noise with sabots. It wasn't until 1897 that Emile Pouget, a famous French anarchist of the time, wrote about the "action de saboter un travail," or "the action of sabotaging or bungling work."

 

The word “sabotage” these days is linked to those early definitions of its roots by referring to a deliberate action to cause disruption, obstruction, or destruction.

 

That means that self-sabotage is us getting in our own way. We consciously or unconsciously keep ourselves from achieving a goal. This destructive behavior can affect any area of a person's life and is difficult to stop without a plan proven to keep you on your path to success.

 

Understand, Stop, and Act Differently

 

Think about times when you did something that acted against your best interests. These were times when whatever you did caused some of the following feelings.

• Anger

• Emptiness

• Frustration

• Stress

• Loneliness

• Rejection

• Humiliation

• Self-Doubt

• Pessimism

• Failure

• Guilt

• Shame

We all experience these emotions at one time or another. When you consistently find these feelings arising because of something you've done and continue to do things that create these feelings, you might be working on a set of marching orders you gave yourself as a child.

 

Self-sabotage is most often caused because of unresolved psychological and emotional issues. Psychiatrists tell us that what influences our behaviors as adults is our upbringing. You could have encountered some situations when you were a child that still subconsciously makes you react in certain ways.

 

Knowing this is good. If you know a process leading to a negative result, you can destroy the process and get a positive outcome instead. Here's what to do.

 

Understand That Negative Programming Is at Work

 

Have a conversation when you catch yourself about to do something, and it's a behavior that has caused negative feelings and problems in your life. Remind yourself that some past issues may be causing you to believe that you deserve a negative consequence.

 

That's what's at work often when we do things that sabotage our lives. 

 

Once you understand that this is a negative process at work in your life, you have the power to make a different choice. Start looking for situations where your unconscious, knee-jerk reaction or conscious decision might lead to a negative outcome. Understand that you control your choices and that there are healthier options you can consciously choose.

 

Stop

 

Once you understand a self-sabotaging process might be at work, stop. Take some time to consider all your potential choices and their possible outcomes. If you can, walk away from making the choice right away. 

 

Look at your past. If you've faced similar situations, what decisions did you make, and what were the results? Instead of acting quickly and instinctively, which is sometimes not the best thing to do, stop and take some time to back away from taking action.

 

Act Differently

 

Here's where you have to be strong. You are going to be resisting very strong impulses. The first few times you do this, it will be very uncomfortable. You have lived with certain instincts for so long and given in to them, and now you'll fight them.

 

Be proud of yourself. You've made a conscious decision to understand what's going on. You know that you could instinctively be making some bad decisions. You stopped and backed away from the process, giving yourself time to think about multiple decisions and their outcomes.

 

Now you have a chance to act differently than you used to. Remember, if you want to enjoy something different than what you had in the past, you will have to do different things than you've been doing. This is the power of acting differently from your instinctive influences that, for whatever reason, are trying to hold you down or create a negative outcome.

 

Practice Makes Perfect

 

Changing decades of behavior is not going to happen overnight. The more you go through this process, the better you will become. You'll start identifying self-sabotaging thoughts and instincts and stopping yourself before you act upon them.

 

You should understand that making decisions that will lead to a better result can feel very uncomfortable. That's okay. This is a sign that you're trying to change emotional or psychological hardwiring that's been going on for a long time. Practice makes perfect. Keep at it. The fact that you want to stop self-sabotaging behavior means you have the mental and emotional resolve to do that.

You Can Beat Self-Sabotage with Self-Awareness

 

Is there some aspect of your life where you seem to have a blind spot? You catch yourself continually doing something that causes negative results. After you have endured failure or some negative emotion yet again, you promise yourself it won't happen in the future.

 

Then what happens? You find yourself back in the same situation.

 

You are far from a person who is out of control. You're a rational person. Most of your life is under control, and many people who care about you often remark they are jealous of your many positive character traits.

 

So why is it hard to create a positive outcome in a particular area of your life?

 

It isn't that you are lazy or don't have a strong desire to create change. It's not that you haven't put in the time or effort, either. If you often continue to underperform in some aspect of your life, it's because you are holding yourself back.

 

There Are Many Reasons for Self-Sabotage

 

Some people sabotage their own efforts because of a fear of failure. They stop trying when they are close to success because they are afraid they won't be able to get past that failure emotionally if they fail. So they stop trying.

 

Self-sabotage also happens because of psychological or emotional programming. Something that happened previously in your life is subconsciously leading to negative habits and actions. You may consciously desire to achieve something, but your efforts, no matter how hard you try, are sabotaged by negative mental programming.

 

Sometimes we get in the way of our best efforts because success might mean leaving our friends and loved ones behind. We may create such a great reality that the people we care about have no place in our new life. That can be a scary future to think about.

 

Self-Awareness Takes Honesty, and That Can Make You Uncomfortable

 

We move through much of our lives in a zombie-like state. Modern life is busy, hectic, and full of distractions. You might not have enough time to reflect deeply about who you are and what you do.

 

It's important to be aware of everything when you are working towards some goal. You might not be able to stop your actions beforehand. In this case, ask yourself what you did that kept you from being successful? Do you notice patterns that continue to create negative experiences in your life?

 

Do you ever have thoughts of not being good enough? After you embrace positive emotions and get motivated to make some big change, what slows you down? Why don't you keep moving forward with those powerful, positive feelings?

 

When you take action to create something positive in your life, be honest with yourself. What is your thought process? Are you trying to sabotage your results before you even get started? If you notice negative programming at work, remind yourself you can embrace any beliefs. 

 

Choose to believe you can succeed and continue to operate with that idea firmly in your mind.

 

Over time this self-awareness can help you identify self-sabotaging beliefs and actions that keep you from goal achievement. This can take time, but it's worth the work. It gives you power over unconscious mental programming and allows you to choose a success mindset instead.

How Does People Pleasing Hurt Us?

Maybe you've recently discovered that you are a people pleaser. What is so wrong with that? You like to make others happy! 

 

The truth is, people-pleasing is a damaging behavior for several reasons. Keep reading to learn more about the dangers of people-pleasing and how it may be hurting you. 

 

People Pleasing Can Damage Your Physical Health

 

When you take on risks and activities you aren't comfortable with just to make someone else happy, you are being a people-pleaser. These risks and activities can lead to physical damage.

 

Here is a question, have you ever gotten hurt doing something stupid to impress somebody? Yeah, don't worry - we all have.  

 

You Can Damage Your Mental Health

 

Besides your physical health, your mental health is in jeopardy when you constantly people-please. As a people pleaser, you often don't make enough time to care for yourself, and self-care is essential for maintaining mental health. When you disregard your mental health for too long, this can cause serious conditions like burnout and depression. 

 

You May Get Into a Toxic Relationship

 

People pleasers don't know how to say no, and sadly, there are people out there that will take advantage of this fact. Namely - toxic people who like to control others. Toxic relationships are unhealthy, as they frequently contain mental - or even physical - abuse.

 

It is extremely difficult to leave toxic relationships, so difficult in fact that many people don't get out soon enough. If you are a constant people-pleaser, you will find it harder to spot (and listen to) the signs indicating someone is toxic. 

 

You Won't Be As Successful

 

In addition to all the physical and mental damage, people-pleasing can cause, it also keeps you from achieving your dreams. You are so focused on saying yes to others and making them happy that you put what you need to do on the backburner. This means that someday you could come to realize you are working a job that you hate in a city you hate—all because you couldn't say no and tell others that you needed to focus on yourself. 

 

As you can see, being a people pleaser is quite dangerous all around. It hurts your physical and mental health and keeps you from success. So if you want to live a happy and healthy life filled with success, it's time to stop being a people pleaser right away. 

What are Personal Boundaries and Why We Need Them

You’ve probably heard the phrase before, but maybe you’re unsure what it means. Just what ARE personal boundaries, and what difference do they make in your life?

 

To understand a personal boundary, you have to understand what a boundary is. Let’s start at the dictionary and go from there:

 

bound·a·ry (noun)

a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.

 

Most boundaries are pretty easy to see. The world is full of fences and dividers, clearly marking off space. A personal boundary does the same thing – only on a more invisible and internal level. Let’s look at this on a little closer.

 

What are boundaries?

 

1. A boundary tells you what your responsibility is in a given situation. You already have some boundaries at work or school. These are the parameters of your job or your responsibility as a student and usually are marked out pretty clearly when you took the job or where enrolled. On a personal level, a boundary tells you who you’re responsible for (yourself of course, but you might also be a caregiver). But what about your other responsibilities such as paying your bills, or taking care of your pets?

 

2. A boundary keeps you safe. Many of these should go without saying – such as abstaining from drinking and driving. But sometimes you have to set some such boundaries for yourself. Such as whether or not it’s healthy to be in a relationship with a certain individual.

 

3. A boundary tells us who we are.  Are you a good person? A bad person? A selfish person? A pious one? Our moral code becomes the boundary that defines us.

 

4. A boundary clarifies your needs. What things need to be in place in your life for you to be happiest and healthiest? What protects you for overwork or abuse?

 

5. A boundary defines your relationships. What are the parameters of your relationship? Is that healthy? What is your responsibility to that other person? How are they responsible for you?

 

With all that, it makes sense that having strong boundaries is a good idea. Especially when you take into consideration these facts:

 

Boundaries…

 

…give you a better idea of who you are

…help others to understand your needs

…give guidelines in your relationships

…make for healthy interactions with other people

 

And perhaps most important of all, they are an integral part of self-care.

 

As a side note remember this: Boundaries need to be revisited occasionally and re-evaluated. As we grow and change, our boundaries will change as well. 

 

With all this at stake, it’s no wonder we give boundaries such a lot of attention. Boundaries can mean the difference between a happy and healthy life and a life of drudgery and resentment. 

 

Is it time to learn where to draw the line?

 

Top 3 Ways to Boost Your Imagination

As you age, it can be disheartening to realize that you are no longer as imaginative as you once were. This realization can leave you wondering how you can boost your imagination to be more creative. The good news is, there are several ways to boost your imagination, the top three of which are listed below. 
 
Read
 
People often associate reading with learning and thus view the activity as work or some sort of burden. But the reality is, reading a fiction or fantasy book is an amazing way to boost your creativity. You often have to use your imagination to picture the scenes and characters from the book, which you don't do in your regular life. If you can't find an adult fantasy book, don't be afraid to check out another fiction genre. You might find your new favorite book!
 
Daydream
 
When you were a kid, was the teacher always telling you to stop daydreaming? While this may have helped you focus better in math class, it wasn't good for your developing imagination! 
 
This reason is why you should get back into daydreaming as an adult. You can sit on the couch and wonder what your life would be like if it were different, or even spend your time visualizing your goals working out just the way you want to! Either way, the activity of picturing something that isn't in your real life will boost your imagination tremendously!
 
Do Something Creative
 
Now that you've learned how to boost your imagination by sitting on the couch, it's important to know that you can also boost your imagination by doing something creative. If you aren't sure where to start, consider taking an art class at your local community center. It doesn't matter what type of art it is, just that you take the time to create something from your thoughts truly! You can also work on building a garden in your yard or even writing your own book—both of these activities are creative and will get your imagination flowing!
 
Whether you want to be more imaginative when achieving your goals or get back something you lost, boosting your imagination can be a fun and relaxing activity. All you need to do to boost your imagination is to read more, spend some time daydreaming, and commit to doing something creative. Before you know it, you will imagine an all-new life for yourself filled with wonder beyond anything you thought possible!

Top 5 Benefits of a Healthy Imagination

Many people think that a healthy imagination isn’t part of a successful life, but this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Below are the top 5 reasons that you should work to have a healthy imagination—no matter where you may be in your life. 

 

You Will Get Further In Your Career

 

Think of that one coworker that everyone, including your boss, hates. Are they very imaginative? Probably not. Having a healthy imagination is a huge part of propelling you forward in your career as it helps you problem solve and shows your boss that you have initiative. Not only that, it can help you to enjoy your career more as you will be able to imagine where you are going with it! 

 

Imagination Leads to Passion

 

If you feel as if you aren't passionate about anything and that there isn't anything on this earth you could be passionate about, your problem isn't passion. It's the lack of imagination. Imagination helps you get excited about things that may or may not happen, which makes you passionate about activities in your life. 

 

Imagination Stimulates Innovation

 

Is there something in your life that you wish you could change? Well, without a healthy imagination, you will probably never be able to change it. This is because imagination helps your mind innovate to find solutions to problems that may exist in your personal or professional life. It can lead to all sorts of amazing possibilities as you innovate your world to suit your dreams. 

 

Imagination Helps You Cope

 

There is no way around it. Sometimes life isn't fun. If you don't have a good imagination, you may find yourself getting stuck in a rut every time something bad happens in your life. Imagination helps propel you forward and keep you thinking positively even when the future seems grim. 

 

You Use Imagination to Design Your Future

 

Do you have a hard time picturing where you will end up? This is probably because you don't have a healthy imagination. Using your imagination is a critical part of finding goals you want to pursue and being able to visualize them to motivate yourself to work towards them! Without imagination, you may find yourself stuck in the present. 

 

Regardless of where you want to end up in life, it is very clear that a healthy imagination needs to be part of your journey. This is why you should commit to boosting your imagination sooner rather than later. 

How to Stop Yourself from Sabotaging Your Own Success

When you sabotage your own success, you are using action or inaction that will undermine your progress and prevent you from accomplishing your goals. You will be hindering your own success. 

 

Some people may undermine their good intentions and defeat their long-term goals. If you take destructive steps like this, it can have a negative impact on almost every part of your life, including your career and relationships. 

 

This article will discuss self-sabotage and teach you ways to stop yourself from sabotaging your own success in life. 

Why Do People Develop Self-Sabotaging Behaviors?

 

There are various reasons why people may thwart their own progress. The causes can range from effects of prior relationships to issues experienced in childhood. Other reasons include coping problems and low self-esteem.

 

Self-sabotage may serve as a temporary coping mechanism for dealing with past traumas and stressful situations. However, it usually makes those problems even harder to deal with, and limits someone’s ability to move beyond them. 

How Can You Stop Yourself from Sabotaging Your Own Success?

 

You can overcome your self-sabotaging problems and replace them with self-confidence, with practice. Here are some tips to stop yourself from sabotaging your own success:

1. Recognize the Behaviors You Use to Sabotage Yourself

 

If you want to stop self-sabotaging, you must recognize the behaviors that sabotage you. Think about goals you may have had for years but have not yet accomplished. Are there areas where you put off making decisions? Do you suffer from a lack of motivation, in minor things as well as important things?

2. Understand Emotions that Lead to Self-Sabotaging Behaviors

 

Behaviors that cause you to sabotage your own success often stem from feelings of anger, anxiety, or worthlessness. Try to manage those emotions, so you won’t commit yourself to any behaviors that will have negative consequences. Check for warning signs of anxiety or anger before they can get out of control.

3. Change Unhelpful Thoughts, Emotion, and Behaviors

 

As you discover negative thoughts and emotions that trigger your self-sabotage behavior, challenge them. If you change one of those aspects, you can change the others more easily.

4. Develop Behaviors that Support You and Your Goals

 

After you identify and begin defeating the false thoughts and emotions that lead to self-sabotaging behavior, you can then begin rebuilding your confidence and self-esteem. 

5. Challenge All of Your Excuses

 

Pay attention to all the excuses you’ve developed when you don’t reach a goal, or when you fail in some way. Usually, the excuses are made to cope with your pain of failing. 

6. Don’t Feed Your Fears Anymore

 

Fears will not go away all by themselves, simply by your pretending they’re not there, or by pushing them to the side. If you don’t attend to fears, they grow stronger. Challenge your fears and see if they’re real and take actions to reduce fears wherever you can. 

7. Learn From Each of Your Mistakes

 

You’re probably the only one who sees yourself as a failure, but many people see themselves in the same way. Everyone will make mistakes – at home and in their professional life. Learn from those mistakes, rather than dwelling on them or burying them. 

8. Understand Your Limits

 

Don’t take on many things at once that you don’t have the capacity, control, or capabilities to handle. You can go after more than one objective, but don’t take on more than you can accomplish. Know what your limits are and stay within them. 

Final Thoughts

 

When you sabotage your own success, it makes life more challenging than it needs to be. There is a great deal of pressure in your life, which can translate into anxiety or stress in your career position and your relationships. 

 

Embrace your capabilities and your potential to be successful, and don’t let doubts or negative emotions keep you from becoming everything you desire to be. 

Breaking Bad Habits: A Practical Guide To Positive Change

Why is it so difficult to overcome bad habits when we know we may harm ourselves or others? For example, we know about the health risks associated with smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol excessively, and overeating. 

 

Our families, friends, and others are impacted by secondhand smoke and the effects of alcoholism. We want to give up our bad habits, but the short-term pleasure makes quitting or changing habits challenging. This article will explore the psychology that causes us to form habits and how to make positive changes to break bad habits.

 

About Habits

Our repetitive actions become habitual and are a normal part of the human state. Habits can be beneficial, such as taking a shower or exercising. On the other hand, regular use of illegal drugs, for example, can become a bad habit. Habits can also form when pleasurable things prompt the brain’s “reward” center, leading to unhealthy routines like gambling or overeating.

 

Eventually, the habit becomes an automatic behavior without consciously thinking about it, and it can be difficult to stop. Developing new habits is challenging since the brain retains automatic behavior. 

 

Still, you can eliminate bad habits with patience and commitment by trying the following practical strategies for positive change.

 

Identify Your Bad Habits and Triggers: List the habits you want to change to improve your well-being. Don’t try to change all your habits at once. Instead, choose the highest priority habit that you want to change and focus on it. This will increase your chances of success.

 

Think about what triggers the habit and explore options for avoiding it. For example, assume that you are stressed after work each day and find that drinking alcohol helps you to relax. However, you’ve gotten into the habit of drinking excessively and are concerned about your health. 

 

In that case, you can learn techniques such as meditation to help you relax. Ensure that you take short breaks during the workday to practice meditation. This will help you to cope with stress better. After work, when you feel the urge for a drink, substitute it with exercise, such as a brisk walk to help you unwind.

 

Your goal is to reduce or remove the trigger and substitute the bad habit with a good one.

 

Accept Discomfort: Changing habits is complex and can make you anxious and agitated. Recognize that these are normal feelings; they are temporary and will diminish with time. If you feel discomfort, do something that relaxes you; it’s a distraction and will help you to feel better. Consider going for a walk, reading, playing a game, or taking a short nap.

 

Adopt a Positive Mindset: We all have an inner voice and unconsciously have negative thoughts at times that are discouraging or detrimental to our well-being. You may think, “I can’t do this,” or “I’ll never kick this habit.” Be aware of these thoughts and replace them with positive self-talk such as “I can do this” or “I will do this.”

 

Be Kind to Yourself: You’re human; it’s essential to forgive yourself if you backslide while trying to break a habit. Give yourself credit for your efforts thus far. Rather than give up or put yourself down with negative self-talk, you can pick up where you left off and get back on track. Remember to be aware of scenarios that trigger the habit and either avoid or substitute the behavior with something positive.

 

Conclusion

When we repetitively practice behaviors, good or bad, those behaviors become habits. The habits that are bad for us are challenging to overcome. However, we can learn how to identify the triggers that make us indulge in our detrimental routines and then avoid the trigger or substitute it with positive behaviors such as exercise or enjoying a stroll in the park. 

 

Along the way, if we backslide, we must remain positive and persistent and keep trying. In the long run, by trying the preceding tips, you are taking a practical approach to making positive changes in your life.

References

https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2012/01/breaking-bad-habits

 

https://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/breaking-bad-habits

 

https://knowablemagazine.org/content/article/mind/2021/the-science-habits