4 Things I Learned From Overcoming Conflict

We all think differently. We all come from different walks of life. The sooner we accept it, the better everything will be. Acceptance comes first. Knowing that the other person is not necessarily wrong but that there are different perspectives in the equation will help avoid conflict. 

 

Once you figure out how to overcome conflict, remaining calm when being overwhelmed will become easier. You’ll be more aware of your surroundings, will know how to react in certain situations, and what to expect the outcome to look like. 

 

Here are 4 things I learned from overcoming conflict over the years – taking my experiences into consideration will ultimately help with making informed decisions. 

 

Communication Matters 

 

Our words often don’t mimic what we’re trying to say. During intense conversations, saying things out of anger, and impulsive statements will jeopardize relationships in the long run. Despite the thrill at the time, it is not worth it. Be rational. Be mindful of how your words can affect another person. Using the right language matters. 

 

In workplace dynamics, using exclusionary language, referring to someone as an opposing person will further impact your relationship. There’s a reason why there’s emphasis on being inclusive towards each other. Every word matters. 

 

Importance of Setting Your Ego Aside

 

There are times when you need to take a step back, reflect on your actions, and accept that arguing further out of pettiness will not help anyone. Ego always fuels our desire to be defensive and achieve a meaningless debate – it helps no one. 

 

From my experience, with a project at my workplace, there were conflicting opinions on what the right approach is. Everyone on my team came with their personal perspective on the matter, and it held a lot of weight. In such times, I learned that it is important to find a middle ground and compromise on senseless points. 

 

Talking in Person Matters 

 

It is an underrated trait but trust me, talking in person is far better than going back-and-forth on emails or text. Dealing with a professor in college, or your supervisor at work, comes with a lot of power dynamics. It is difficult to comprehend what the actual message is on either end when looking at a phone screen. 

 

We’re all hooked to our screens, but it is also important to act in an old-school way and confront someone when there’s a sense of conflict arising. 

 

Paying a visit in-person will help humanize the conversation and it is a much more immediate way to find a mutual understanding of things. When there is distance and passive aggressiveness along the way, it is difficult to fully understand what the other person is trying to say. 

 

Having Empathy for Others

 

While dealing with conflict, understanding that everyone comes with their own set of emotional baggage, and you have to deal with them accordingly is essential. Once you acknowledge the fact that everyone has different privileges and circumstances – it is easier to understand everyone’s situation. 

 

Active listening helps here. In relationships, listening to one another, fully grasping the intensity of the situation from all perspectives is vital while trying to resolve conflict. Being there for each other goes a long way – especially in situations where you’re actively trying to build a healthier relationship.

 

Conclusion

Communicate. Don’t let your ego take over you. Confront at the right time. And ultimately, have a sense of empathy for everyone around you. It’ll take you a long way, professionally, and in personal life. 

 

In most cases, conflicts happen due to unaddressed conversations, giving away the willingness to understand someone’s situation. We should all collectively do better. 

 

How To Make Criticism Work For You

It may seem counter-intuitive, but sometimes a critique can be the most impactful thing someone can offer you. It all comes down to what you decide to do with it. If you’d like to discover how to make criticism work for you, rather than derail you, read on.

 

Create Distance

 

When someone says something critical about you, you have some choices to make. Of these choices, one of the most significant is whether or not you choose to be offended. 

 

The stoic philosopher Epictetus said this on the subject, “If someone in the street were entrusted with your body, you would be furious. Yet you entrust your mind to anyone around who happens to insult you and allow it to be troubled and confused. Aren't you ashamed of that?”^[1]

 

In other words, don’t fall into the trap of allowing the opinions of others to control your emotions and take charge of your mind. By recognizing that someone’s thoughts about you only have the significance you afford them, you can decide how you will feel, and you see the foolishness of letting other people’s words control you. 

 

This recognition creates distance between what is said and your sense of self-worth, a powerful tool to assist you in navigating snares of modern life such as the attention economy and cancel culture.

 

Let Life Be Your Teacher

 

Choosing to learn from each experience you have is profoundly empowering. You don’t have to agree with people or even think they’re intelligent. The important thing is that you can garner lessons from everything you encounter in life.

 

When someone criticizes you, it’s a great opportunity. Since you’ve already chosen to create distance and not allow words to offend you, you now have the chance to scan over what was said and see if there’s anything useful there. You’re ready to learn and grow if possible, transforming the encounter from a trial to a win.

 

Embrace The Process

 

Sometimes a little humility goes a long way. When we acknowledge that we’re all works in progress, it doesn’t hurt so much to encounter criticism. Instead of feeling embarrassed or belittled, you can figure out how the observation might pave the way for improvement. After all, a lack of growth often leads to stagnation, so we should embrace the process, relishing opportunities to break the mold and move forward.

 

Criticism Can Cultivate Creativity

 

Sometimes hearing what is wrong with something you’ve done can pave the way for innovation. For example, when someone presents you with issues in a proposal you present, or holes in a story you’ve written, it can reveal new ideas that were previously obscured from your view. This expanded vision is a part of how collaboration works, making more minds better than one.

 

According to Harvard Business Review, there’s a sweet spot in criticism that recognizes the flaws in something without throwing the baby out with the bathwater. They refer to this process as “yes, but, and.” In this scenario, the “yes, but” portion presents the issue with a presented idea, while the “and” portion presents potential solutions.^[2]

 

By approaching a discussion this way, the critique becomes an invaluable method for creating novel solutions without disregarding a person’s initial concept. As with many encounters, showing regard for other people’s feelings and perspectives while giving constructive criticism makes for more thorough communication and better outcomes.

 

Final Thoughts

 

It isn’t all bad to be criticized, even when the critic has questionable intentions. When we choose to analyze a person’s words, scan them for utility, and refuse to take them personally, we will always learn from the encounter. The freedom from releasing the perception of insult paves the way for vast personal improvement while removing potential suffering.

 

The benefits of criticism are amplified when it is used constructively amongst respectful individuals. In this ideal scenario, you will be encouraged to elevate your ideas and hone your skills, while being free from personal attack. Thus, being amongst good company is another potent way to make criticism work for you.

 

References

 

1. Salomon, Albert, editor. The Enchiridion. Translated by Thomas Wentworth Higginson, Bobbs-Merrill, 1955. 
2. “Why Criticism Is Good for Creativity.” Harvard Business Review, 16 July 2019, https://hbr.org/2019/07/why-criticism-is-good-for-creativity.

 

6 Ways to Make a Positive Impact on Someone’s Life

How do you change a life? You start by making a positive impact on them. Whether you're looking to mentor someone in their career, teach a friend a new skill, or look for another way to offer guidance to someone else, the outcome you desire is always the same. You want them to succeed. 

 

Are you ready to be the teacher they need? 

 

Let's explore some ways to make a positive impact on someone else’s life through teaching:

 

Figure Out the Relationship You Want to Have

 

First, what kind of relationship are you looking to have? Do you want to be a teacher in a classroom? Do you want to come alongside a friend and help them out once in a while? Do you want to be a formal mentor, possibly in a business setting? Your choice will dictate your next steps. For example, if you wish to teach in the classroom, you might want to ask yourself what skills you have to teach. Perhaps you might want to offer a night class at a Community College. Or you might want to set up a webinar from your home to guide students through some new skills.

 

Define the Goal

 

Once you've established your setting and gained a student or a set of students, you need to create a clear objective. What is the purpose of this teaching relationship? What do you want the other person to get out of it? What do they want to get out of it? 

 

Go All In

 

Don't go into this unless you're truly willing to invest in the individual. Become more interested in helping them succeed as a person than marking their achievements off some list. 

 

Know When to Stop

 

You'll find the best outcomes in giving guidance to others when you know what they truly need. To find this out, you might need to lay aside your agenda and listen to them for a while. Their initial problems might not be what they need to solve. It could be there’s something deeper going on. When you allow the other person room to talk, they will often come around to what's really bothering them if you give them enough time. 

 

Drop Assumptions

 

Don't think you know everything, especially about the person you're mentoring. Rather than assuming anything, take the time to ask them about themselves. Discover what they want out of this relationship.

 

Be Vulnerable

 

You've made mistakes too. Be willing to share your catastrophes. There's a lot of lessons to be learned from other people's mistakes. Your experiences are a valuable tool when it comes to teaching others. 

 

In the end, the best way to make a positive impact on someone's life is to be open and honest in your desire to help and in how you treat the other person. Honesty is crucial to the mentoring relationship.

 

Beyond Handshakes: Building Rapport in a Virtual World

The rise of remote work and virtual interactions has redefined the landscape of building rapport. But don't let geographical distance or screen barriers deter you. You can cultivate strong connections even in the digital realm with a few conscious tweaks.

 

Master the Virtual Meeting Space

 

Technology can be your ally or your enemy. Familiarize yourself with video conferencing platforms, learn to utilize features like breakout rooms and polls, and ensure everyone has an equal opportunity to participate. Create a virtual space that feels inviting and accessible, fostering a sense of shared presence even through a screen.

 

Embrace Active Listening, Virtually

 

Nonverbal cues become more nuanced online. Be extra attentive to tone of voice, word choice, and pauses. Use virtual tools like emojis and reactions to show engagement and acknowledge contributions. Pay attention to chat messages and respond promptly, ensuring everyone feels heard and valued.

 

Leverage Shared Experiences

 

Creating virtual watercooler moments, scheduling social calls, hosting team games, and celebrating milestones together can help foster a sense of community beyond work-related tasks and build camaraderie. Encourage informal chats and light-hearted conversations to make online interactions less transactional.

 

Personalize Your Approach

 

While online communication might feel impersonal, go the extra mile to demonstrate individual attention. Remember birthdays, celebrate achievements and offer virtual congratulations or condolences when appropriate. Show genuine interest in colleagues' lives outside of work, fostering a sense of connection on a personal level.

 

Embrace Vulnerability and Empathy

 

Technology can create an illusion of distance but don't shy away from showing your human side. Acknowledge challenges, express gratitude, and be open about your own experiences. Virtual vulnerability can foster genuine connections and encourage others to do the same, creating a supportive and collaborative environment.

 

Building rapport in a virtual world requires intentionality and adaptation. By mastering these strategies and investing in creating a connected online workspace, you can bridge the digital divide and cultivate meaningful relationships even without face-to-face interaction.

 

Remember, whether online or offline, building rapport is an ongoing journey. The effort you invest in connecting with others will reap rewards in the form of stronger relationships, smoother collaborations, and a more rewarding professional experience.

 

The Art of Cultivating Connection: Building Rapport in Professional Settings

Building rapport in professional settings goes beyond polite small talk. It's about forging genuine connections that foster trust, collaboration, and success. Whether negotiating with a client, leading a team, or navigating office politics, mastering the art of rapport can unlock unexpected doors.

 

Active Listening is the Cornerstone of Connection

 

Effective communication starts with genuinely listening. Forget multitasking or waiting for your turn to speak. Give your undivided attention, maintaining eye contact and nodding to show engagement. Ask clarifying questions and paraphrase critical points to demonstrate understanding. This builds trust, reveals hidden insights, and strengthens your grasp of the situation.

 

Seek Common Ground

 

Finding shared interests or experiences fosters a sense of familiarity and comfort. Notice subtle cues – a sports jersey, a travel mug with a city you recognize – and use them to spark conversation. Share relevant personal anecdotes to bridge the gap and show yourself as relatable. Remember, it's not about forcing connections but about genuine curiosity and finding that spark of commonality.

 

Empathy is the Key to Unlocking Understanding

 

Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Consider their perspective, acknowledge their feelings, and offer support where needed. Show genuine interest in their thoughts and aspirations. A simple phrase like "I understand how you feel" or "That must be challenging" can go a long way. Demonstrating empathy creates a safe space for open communication and strengthens your bond.

 

Nonverbal Cues - The Unspoken Language of Rapport

 

Positive body language speaks volumes. Maintain an open posture, lean in during conversations, and offer genuine smiles. Mirror the other person's mannerisms subtly to establish harmony. Be mindful of your facial expressions and avoid anything that might convey boredom or frustration. Nonverbal cues can build bridges or create walls, so be conscious of your message.

 

Authenticity is the Foundation of Lasting Rapport

 

Building genuine connections requires being your true self. Avoid pretending to be someone you're not or forcing conversations about topics you don't find interesting. Embrace your unique strengths and perspectives, and allow them to shine through. People are drawn to genuine individuals, and building rapport on a foundation of authenticity creates lasting relationships.

 

Remember, building rapport is a continuous process, not a one-time event. Consistently practicing these skills will establish trust and approachability, helping you succeed professionally.

 

If You Want Less Stress and Anxiety, Learn to Empathize More

Stress is a killer. You might hear someone say, "The stress at my job is killing me!" They could be overstating the situation. In many cases though, stress can quite literally kill you.

 

Chronic stress is related to the six leading causes of death. It's believed that more than 75% of all trips to the emergency room or a doctor are stress-related. So the next time a friend tells you stress is killing him, you might want to take that statement seriously.

 

Ask anyone you know and they'll tell you of a stressful situation they experienced recently. This is an unfortunately common occurrence. You might have too much stress in your own life.

 

For a number of reasons, you can benefit from stressing less and relaxing more often. If that sounds like something you'd enjoy, just learn to empathize more.

 

How Empathy Leads to Less Stress and Depression

 

An empathetic person can place themselves in the emotional experience of someone else. That's the first part of empathy. The part of the empathetic process some people forget is responding in a way that's helpful.

 

You see a coworker has a huge workload. She's stressing out and you know there's no possible way she can hit a proposed deadline. You communicate to her that even though her productivity is excellent and she's a great worker, you don't know how she's going to get everything done. 

 

You just paid her a compliment. You saw her emotions were frazzled and she wasn't in a good place mentally. So, you said something nice about her ability on the job.

 

The next thing you can do after you identify with her situation is to provide assistance. Offer to help her tackle some of her responsibilities. When you do, your coworker will thank you. She'll experience less stress, and science tells us that you'll also have less stress, anxiety and depression.

 

When you learn to recognize that someone else is experiencing negative emotions, you want to help. This is the response for most people. What also happens is that you subconsciously recognize that you're not in that situation. You can understand your coworker's emotional stress, but you aren't experiencing the same thing yourself.

 

Dr. Jamil Zaki is a psychology professor and the director of the Social Neuroscience Laboratory in Stanford. He says empathy can help you see past the many differences people have. It helps you move past prejudice or bias. These are negative emotions. They can produce a stress response in your body. Empathy doesn't allow that to develop.

 

Dr. Zaki also says empathy makes people happier in their relationships and even more successful at work. Studies show us that an empathetic person learns how to process his or her own emotions properly by being able to recognize the emotions other people are going through. That means being more empathetic in your life cannot only help others, but it can also give you a wonderful boost of less stress and more peace of mind.

 

A Simple 3-Step Process to Practice More Empathy

An empathetic person can identify with what someone else is experiencing. They may have had the same experience before. This isn't necessary to practice empathy. You might just be very good at putting yourself in another person's mindset.

 

Someone tells you they lost their job. They're going through so many different negative emotions. They're concerned about their mortgage payment and other financial issues.

 

A person that loses a dream job could start wondering what happened. It took them a long time to get the job they always wanted. They might have been a great employee. Then something occurred that was out of their control. Perhaps the company went bankrupt.

 

This individual could start questioning his own role in the failure of the company. A ton of different negative emotions might be experienced. The empathetic person is able to fully embrace the emotions the other person is going through even if they've never lost a job before.

 

You might want to help your friends and family members by displaying more empathy. You care about them and want to help them when they're in need. If that's the case, simply put into practice the following three-step technique for showing empathy.

 

Step 1 – Listen Actively

 

You might be a good listener. But are you an active listener? Do you just sit there with a blank expression and take in everything that's being said?

 

An active listener uses body language, facial expressions and eye movement to let the person speaking know that they're engaged and present. They are truly and deeply listening. 

 

You use open-ended questions to try to get more information from the speaker. Active listening uses anything at your disposal to get the speaker to share more information. You communicate to that person that their feelings are understood.

 

Step 2 – Validate the Experience

 

People often tell you what's on their minds because they want you to validate what they're saying. They need to know that it's okay to have certain feelings or think a specific way. When you validate a tough situation, someone's experiencing, you let them know they're not alone.

 

You validate an experience by adopting the same feelings and emotions. Tell the person that you're sharing the experience with them and that it's okay. They should recognize whatever emotions are happening. Then the empathetic person tries to figure out what can be done to fix the problem.

 

Step 3 – Offer Advice

 

Empathy is a two-part process. You take on the perspective of another person. You develop an understanding emotionally of what that person is going through. The second part involves action. You provide assistance of some kind. You try to help the person with their struggle. 

 

One way you can do this is by offering smart advice. Remember to think about their situation and not yours. Don't include any bias or judgment. Put yourself in their shoes and then give them advice to help them out of their problem.

 

Showing empathy means you care. It tells people you're putting your own interests aside for a while. The three-step process we just covered can help you show empathy to the people you care about. You'll find that you benefit as much as they do by making an emotional connection.

 

5 Techniques for Using Affirmations to Enhance Your Relationship

Affirmations are powerful positive statements. You may be aware of them as a tool for self-improvement or to help you reach your goals. Did you know that affirmations can help improve your relationships with your partner, family, friends, and even your colleagues?

 

By choosing your words carefully and meaningfully, you can improve relationships in every area of your life. 

 

1. Show Empathy

 

You can use affirmations to show the other person that you see their feelings and acknowledge them. Affirmations can be used as a component of active listening. Listen to what they are saying, without interrupting, and when you do speak, you reflect back what they said to you. You acknowledge where they are and give them space to vent or celebrate or just get their message across. 

 

The key to showing empathy is to make sure you don’t contradict or negate their feelings. Don’t offer advice or give a contrary opinion. Just stand with them in their space. 

 

2. Be Authentic

 

Make sure your affirmations are coming from a place of sincerity. Don’t say things you don’t mean. Keep your affirming messages to the point and focused on the other person. 

 

Affirmations that are economical with the truth or speak out of character will undermine your relationship, not build it. Make sure you speak from the heart. And you don’t have to use flowery language, just be nice. 

 

3. Tell Your Loved Ones They’re Loved

 

Saying I love you early in a relationship is easy. But as time goes on, it’s easy to let endearments slide. Get into the habit of telling your partner, your children, your family, your friends how much you love them. Don’t take it for granted that they feel loved, make sure they know it!

 

4. Say Thank You

 

When was the last time you said thank you for a home-cooked meal? Or for proofreading your job application? Or even for taking the garbage out?

 

No act of kindness should go unacknowledged. Show your family and friends and colleagues that you appreciate what they do for you. Affirm their role in your life. 

 

5. Give Public Praise

 

Sometimes the best affirmations come in the form of public acknowledgment. Give credit where it’s due to your team members, your partner, and your kids. Show them you're grateful and proud of them. Make it a point to acknowledge the extra effort and exceptional achievements.

 

Beyond the Number: Practical Steps to Embrace an Age-Positive Life

We've all heard the saying, "Age is just a number." But how do we translate that sentiment into everyday life? How do we dismantle ageist stereotypes and cultivate a genuinely inclusive mindset for ourselves and those around us?

 

The good news is, it's not magic; it's action. Here are some practical steps you can take to embrace an age-positive life:

 

Challenge your own biases:

 

• Awareness is key. Take time to reflect on your own subconscious biases about aging. Do you associate youth with energy and potential while linking older age with decline and limitations? Recognize these thoughts as internalized stereotypes and actively work to challenge them.

• Flip the script. Instead of focusing on perceived limitations, consider the strengths and wisdom that come with experience. Consider older adults as mentors, resource pools, and valuable societal contributors.

 

Embrace lifelong learning:

 

• Curiosity is ageless. Never stop learning, growing, and exploring new interests. Whether taking a class, picking up a new hobby, or simply engaging in stimulating conversations, keep your mind active and receptive to new ideas.
• Become a mentor. Share your knowledge and experience with younger generations. Volunteering as a tutor, coach, or community leader can be mutually rewarding, fostering connections and breaking down age barriers.

 

Combat ageism in everyday life:

 

• Use inclusive language. Avoid ageist terms like "senior citizen" or "over the hill." Instead, use respectful and person-centered language focusing on individual identities and contributions.
• Challenge ageist assumptions. Stop making assumptions about what someone can or cannot do based on their age. It would help to treat everyone with respect and dignity, regardless of their years on the planet.
• Advocate for positive change. Speak up against age discrimination in the workplace, healthcare system, and other areas of society. Support age-inclusive policies and initiatives that promote fair treatment and opportunities for all.

 

Build bridges across generations:

 

• Seek out intergenerational connections. Spend time with people of different ages, from young children to older adults. Share stories, learn from each other, and celebrate each generation's unique perspectives.
• Organize intergenerational activities. Participate in events or programs that unite different age groups, such as community service projects, cultural celebrations, or intergenerational learning initiatives.
• Embrace family connections. Cherish relationships with grandparents, parents, children, and other family members across the age spectrum. These bonds offer invaluable support, love, and a sense of belonging, regardless of age differences.

 

Resources for your age-positive journey:

 

• Books: "Younger" by Alexandra Robbins, "Disrupt Aging" by Aubrey de Grey, "The Longevity Book" by David Sinclair
• Websites: The National Center to Reframe Aging, The Global Coalition on Aging, The MacArthur Foundation's Initiative on Successful Aging
• Organizations: AARP, Eldercare Locator, The National Council on Aging

 

Remember, embracing an age-positive mindset is a continuous journey. There will be stumbles and challenges along the way, but every step you take towards breaking down age barriers and fostering inclusion makes a difference. Let's celebrate the richness and diversity of human experience, regardless of the number on the calendar. Together, we can create a world where age is truly just a number, and everyone has the opportunity to thrive at any stage of life.