Why Regretting Decisions Is A Useless Activity: Instead Change Your Plan

I want you to change how you think of regret and decisions. The decision that you make feels right in the moment, but you later regret it. That doesn't do anyone any favors, you are beating yourself up for something that you cannot change. 

 

We all make poor choices and it doesn't matter how mindful you are or how intentionally you live, you will make bad decisions in the future too. Unfortunately, we rarely know it's the bad choice until much later. Regret is pointless. 

 

Mistakes are easy, but it isn't the mistakes that continually threaten your success because they are inevitable. It's how you react to regret that threatens or bolsters your success. What matters is how you resolve it and how you avoid making the same mistake again. 

 

Regret is, in my opinion, an emotion, which means that you should allow yourself to feel it but you cannot wallow in it. Like any emotion, it is valid but that does not mean it is accurate. The decision you made was what you felt was the right one in the moment. You may be able to anticipate potential consequences of different choices but you cannot anticipate regret. Emotions often serve as blinders and when you think with your heart rather than your head you can fall prey to this. 

 

No one intends to make a poor decision, they don't set out to make bad choices. If you are standing on the sidewalk waiting to cross the road you find out whether you make a mistake immediately. You looked both ways or so you thought, but your foot hit the asphalt and you see a car speeding in your direction. 

 

You may or may not have time to get out of the way, but you instantly know you make a mistake stepping into the road and you regret it. It felt like the right, safe choice, but it wasn't. 

 

You receive a text that infuriates you and you cannot remember feeling so angry in your life. Instinctively, you start tapping out a furious response. You wouldn't speak to this person like this face-to-face. 

 

In fact, you wouldn't speak to anyone like this normally, you are overtaken by your emotions and you hit send message and feel pretty great about it. It was the right choice and you rant about the initial message all day. You can feel your stress levels rising rather than falling and even though you toss and turn all night, by morning you feel calmer about the situation. That's when regret sets in. If only you could take it back. 

 

It may take longer to realize it was the wrong decision. You might choose to leave your job for another. It was a sideways step, but this new position seemed to have more room to grow. Within the year, the person who took over your job has a promotion that would have been yours and you have stayed standing still. 

 

There is only one way to deal with regret and that is to change your plan. You can't do anything more than making the decision that appears correct in the moment. 

 

You wouldn't make a bad decision intentionally so you need to cut yourself some slack and rather than steeping yourself in regret, look for the lesson.

 

A wrong choice is a way to gain experience and that is a lesson in what not to do next time.

 

Life is a learning curve and regret is part of that. You have to be brave and recognize when the wrong choice and the regret that follows is a symptom of something bigger, as in you're on the wrong track. Or, when it's just a thing you need to deal with and keep on moving forward. 

 

You Don't have to Become Some Sort of Mystic to Benefit from Meditation

There's a lingering stereotype about people who practiced meditation or some form of mindfulness. In the eyes of too many people, mindfulness practitioners are entering some sort of mystic or religious space. They believe that if you close your eyes or you recite an inaudible or silent mantra that you are necessarily praying or engaging in some sort of religious or spiritual activity. Nothing could be further from the truth.

 

Mysticism is very different from meditation. Typical meditation, and I’m not talking about meditation derived from spiritual practices, I’m talking about basic meditation, is all about becoming aware of your body and your mind in the present moment.

 

Mysticism is about awareness that is beyond you. You're reaching out to some sort of greater truth that can either extend back in the or forward into the future. These are two totally different things. People are comparing apples to oranges.

 

When you engage in mysticism, you engage in external truth that may have been written a long, long time ago or is actually timeless. Regardless of whether you approve of mysticism or not, I think we could all agree that this is a totally different animal from mindfulness or meditation.

 

When you're being mindful, you don't care about the past. You really don't. This is why meditation is so awesome to a lot of people who are trying to overcome some sort of trauma.

 

Maybe your father wasn’t there when you were growing up. Perhaps you were abused by your mother. Possibly, your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend abused you or cheated on you or betrayed. Maybe people laughed at you in the past.

 

Whatever the case may be when you practice meditation, you let go of the past. You're no longer going through your mental closet and unraveling very painful or traumatic memories only to put them back into the closet again, and then you repeat the process over and over. You take a break from that. You really do.

 

When you practice mindfulness, you are focused on one thing and one thing alone. You are focused on the present moment, nothing else.

 

The same applies to worries. If you are a worrier, meditation may be the solution you're looking for because instead of obsessing and wasting tremendous emotional and mental resources thinking about stuff that has yet to happen, you focus on what is.

 

You realize that the air coming out of your nostrils is real right here, right now. You are aware of how you’re breathing right here, right now. Nothing else.

 

This is why if you are still on the fence about meditation or mindfulness, understand it has nothing to do with mysticism. You don't have to become some sort of mystic. You don't have to become some sort of Shaolin or Buddhist priest. You don't have to do any of that. You just have to focus on who you are right here, right now.

 

Meditation is Rooted in How Your Mind Works

There are a lot of misconceptions regarding meditation and, by extension, mindfulness. A lot of people are under the impression that you have to have some sort of mystical religious belief for meditation to work for you.

 

Nothing could be further from the truth. When you practice meditation, you are tapping into processes that are already happening in your mind. You're not imposing something new onto it. You're not trying to make it do something that it normally doesn't do. Worse yet, you're not trying to get it to do something that it won’t do.

 

Instead, it's already proceeding in a certain way. It’s already operating in a certain way. When you practice meditation and mindfulness, you just align your consciousness with how your mind already works. This way, instead of your mind working against you, it works for you.

 

Believe it or not, when you think about traumatic experiences in the past or you worry about stuff that could possibly go wrong in the future, you are letting your mind work against you. The big tragedy to all of this is that you are doing it to yourself.

 

Nobody is pointing a gun at your head and demanding that you remain a slave to the traumatic experiences of your past. Nobody is slapping you around and forcing you to bow to your fears. Nobody is pushing you to be miserable because of things that may possibly happen in the future.

 

You're doing this all to yourself, and what makes this a tragedy is your mind is so powerful, so beautiful and so amazing but you task it to make you miserable. You choose to have your mind work against you to the extent that you feel stuck in your life.

 

Did you know that you can do whatever anybody else could do? Think of the most successful person that you know. Did you know that you can do what they do? When a thousand and one reasons appear in your mind explaining why you can’t do what they do or achieve what they achieve, that's your mind in operation. It doesn't have to operate that way. Sadly, you trained it to operate that way.

 

Meditation enables you to understand how your mind works and then choose the outcome of your thoughts.

 

What you focus on grows. The more you focus on your problems, the more they grow. The more you focus on your insecurities, the weaker you feel. The more you focus on your flaws both physical and emotional, the less attractive and the more doomed you feel. Stop it. It doesn't have to be that way.

 

Your reality is a choice. By understanding how your mind already works in the here and now, you can start making necessary changes that can take your life to the next level.

 

Get the inside scoop on how meditation works and how you can apply certain simple steps to change your thinking. It is probably going to be one of the best decisions you have ever made.

 

Believe me for people who have just discovered meditation, they get the feeling that they have just been released from jail. It's like day and night. When you enjoy the calm and serenity that meditation can bring to your life, you start thinking of why you’ve wasted all those years thinking the way you did.

 

Make no mistake you are always in control. I know that it's not a comfortable thing to here because you’d rather blame other people. You'd rather think that your life is set in stone by the past. If you really want to live a life of power, meaning and purpose, meditation is the key.

 

Believe it or Not You Do Have the Time for Meditation

Whenever I talk to people about the benefits of meditation or any sort of mindfulness practice, I get predictable answers. I really do. First, I get people who confuse meditation with some sort of religious practice. As you probably already know, we live in a secular world especially in Western Europe and North America. People simply do not want to hear anything about god, the deity or anything supernatural.

 

Regardless of whether you agree with that or not, this is the reality. The moment you engage in any kind of talk that comes suspiciously close to something supernatural or the divine, people shut off their minds. And that is on a good day.

 

On a bad day, you get somebody who would actually attack you. They would think that you're stupid. They would think that your IQ is very low. They might even accuse you of having extra chromosomes. It can get quite nasty. That’s just the world we live in. It’s very secular.

 

The other predictable objection I get about meditation is that they simply do not have the time. It is obvious that for too many people, time is a luxury. There are only so many hours in a day and they have basically overbooked their day. This is a fact. If they could, they would split themselves up and be found in different places at the same time. That's how busy they are.

 

Given this context, do people have the time or the energy to meditate? Well, if you can overcome your initial suspicion that meditation is somehow some way linked to religion and give it a shot, then the next problem is simple time management.

 

Believe it or not you have the time for meditation. First of all, you only need fifteen minutes or less. In fact, if you can invest five minutes or more to meditation, you're in a good place. You don't have to spend half a day. You don't even have to spend a full hour. Fifteen minutes is plenty.

 

You may be thinking, “Well, I don't have fifteen minutes.” Think again. Do me a big favor. List down all the things that you actually do at work. You'd be surprised as to how unproductive you really are. Sure, you're putting in eight hours a day, day after day, week after week, month after month.

 

That much is obvious. You’re overstressed. You’re overworked. You feel tired. However, look at the nitty-gritty of the stuff that you’re actually doing. I can bet you that you're not actually doing eight full hours of work. I’m talking about productive work here. I’m not talking about you checking out your social media updates. I’m not talking about you looking at your mobile phone to see what’s on Instagram or checking your e-mail.

 

I’m talking about actual work here. I’m talking about work that puts food on the table or at least the kind of work that your boss is paying you to do. I know it's uncomfortable to hear this because it is a moment of truth. If you were to compress those eight hours or filter it in terms of productivity, you probably would be lucky if you have two hours of actual work.

 

So, don’t tell me that you don't have time for meditation and mindfulness. You have the time. You just have to free up some of your unproductive activities.

 

Focus on the fact that meditation and mindfulness deliver a lot more benefits than whatever cost they bring to the table. Sure, you're out of fifteen minutes every day but can you really put a price tag on the sense of calm, inner peace and harmony that you get? Can you really put a price tag on the sense of calm, inner peace and harmony that you get? Can you really put a price tag on the amazing feeling of liberation that you often get after meditation?

 

You have to understand that you're carrying a lot in your mind. You’re worrying about a lot of stuff in the future. You even be carrying emotional baggage from the past. Those are precisely the kinds of things mindfulness will liberate you from.

 

So, stop looking at the price you have to pay and focus instead on the amazing mental and emotional riches that you stand to gain.

 

Mental Clarity is Not as Hard as You Think

What if I told you that your life is a series of choices? You probably would laugh at me. You probably would think that your life is not a choice.

 

You were born a certain way. You were born in a certain world. Obviously, this is not a world that you created.

 

In many cases, a lot of the consequences of your initial choices continue to haunt you to this very day. You might even be insulted at the suggestion that somehow some way you chose all the things that are happening in your life.

 

Unfortunately, moments of clarity, just like the truth, will often upset us or outrage us right before they liberate us. You have to understand that everything is a choice. Sure, nobody chooses that their house go up in flames. Nobody chooses to be dumped by their ex suddenly. Nobody chooses stage 4 cancer.

 

However, you can always choose how you respond. Believe it or not your response is actually more important than the state of your body, your finances, your career, your relationships, so on and so forth.

 

How you respond reflects your character. How you respond reflects your values. These are things that you can control. These can all be traced back to your thoughts. Do you actually believe that people who are very successful, rich, famous, beautiful are better than you?

 

Do you actually believe that they’re so fundamentally different from you that no matter how hard you try, no matter what you try, you would never ever be the same as them? Of course not. We all start from the same place. We all have the same hardware. The problem is the software that we choose to install.

 

If you look at your disadvantages, your past, your bad decisions and conclude from these that the best things in life are either behind you or are completely unavailable to you, you’re just playing a trick on yourself. This is mental clarity because we only differ in the software that we install. Guess what? That software is a choice.

 

This is why it’s really important to achieve a high degree of mental clarity because when you're clear about everything that happens in your life and its consequences, you know what you're dealing with.

 

This enables you to plan better. This enables you to respond better this enables you to map out the kind of life you feel you deserve. You’re no longer living your life for your parents. You’re no longer living somebody else’s reality. Instead, you are in control of your life.

 

This sense of control does not fall on your lap nor do you stumble over it. It's something that you worked for. It is something that you intentionally desire and realize. To make all that happen, mental clarity is required.

 

The good news is mental clarity is not as hard as you think. It's not as unavailable or elusive as you have imagined. In fact, using a fairly simple series of steps, you can unlock mental clarity.

 

Of course, at first, you're going to be fumbling around. You're probably going to be taking baby steps. But guess what? Baby steps forward are still steps forward. Go ahead and take them. Get a clear understanding of how mindfulness can help take your life to a whole other level. It doesn't take much time and, eventually, it doesn't take much effort.

 

Acknowledging Your Thoughts Don't Have to Mean Getting Owned by Them

Has this ever happened to you? You think about your ex-girlfriend and you feel this sudden rage or sadness. You feel about how she used you, tricked you, betrayed you and cheated on you.

 

Alternatively, do you feel like she was the one that got away? You remember how beautiful she was, the sound of her voice, how she made you feel, how smart she was, how kind and loving she was. You feel this empty void in your life. You feel that the very best thing that ever happened to you slipped through your fingers.

 

What if I told you that these experiences are not really different from each other? They all have the same process. They all operate out of the same place in your mind. They all follow the same sequence. It's actually very predictable.

 

You start with some sort of mental trigger. This can be a mental image you remember. This can be a sound that somebody made which triggered a memory. Whatever the case may be there is some sort of trigger both within your thoughts or things you perceive from the external world and this this pushes you to feel certain things which lead to certain actions that you or may not regret later on. Sounds familiar? Well, that’s how most people respond.

 

This is why a lot of us have a tough time separating our thoughts from our emotions. The moment we start thinking about something that stress us out, we start shut down. We just feel overwhelmed by negative emotions. The problem here is not the thoughts themselves. Those thoughts will always appear.

 

Guess what? There are a lot of people who there who sound just like that amazing ex-girlfriend or boyfriend that you had. There are a lot of people who sound or look like that horrible boss that you had in the past or humiliated and embarrassed you. There are a lot of people out there who may do things that remind you of that teacher who insulted you or made you feel small and dumb.

 

The issue here is how are you going to respond to that? How are you going to process the triggers that life sends your way so that they work for you instead of against you? At the very least, how can you process all of this information so that at least they produce a neutral result instead of a negative one?

 

It's very easy to get all caught up. It's very easy to let our emotions get the better of us. We get triggered by a certain sound, taste, smell or sight. Whatever the case may be we get triggered and all these memories come back, and we interpret them as these very negative things. Sooner or later, we start saying negative things and, before we know it, we habitually do things that we regret later.

 

This is the process and, although it may seem automatic, please understand that this is not set in stone. It isn't. It's a choice. It may seem like it’s your instinct or it may seem like it’s even part of your personality or part of who you are, but it isn't. That’s just an illusion. These are all choices.

 

The moment that mental image flashes of your girlfriend, and your best friend in the past hooking up behind your back, you don't have to feel angry, betrayed, used, abused, small, weak, powerless, ugly, unattractive or unappealing. You don’t have to do that. You don't have to ride that train.

 

How do you do this? Well, click here for a simple technique that would enable you to see things without the emotional baggage. You can learn how to acknowledge your thoughts without getting owned by them.

 

When your thoughts own you, your worst instincts take over. Your worst emotions get the better of you and guess what? It doesn't lead you to a good place. It leads you to place of powerlessness. It leads you to place of smallness. It leads you to a place of regret, guilt, remorse and fear.

 

Use this technique to start taking control over these mental triggers. They already happened. There's nothing you can do about them. It’s not like you can hop into some sort of time machine and change what happened in the past.

 

What you can change is your response to them in the here and now. They don't have to own you. They don't have to define you in a negative way. You have a lot more control than you give yourself credit for.

 

Your thoughts, your ability to judge the external world, these are not set in stone. They're not automatic processes. They are not “part of who you are”. You can take ownership of them. You can take control of this process and let it lead to a totally different place.

 

What place is that? A place of empowerment, contentment, happiness, fulfillment, responsibility and self-control. The choice is up to you.

 

Can You Really Watch Your Thoughts Like Clouds?

I remember when I was a kid, my favorite activity was to go to a small hill near our place and lean back to watch the sky. I would go up there with a few friends and we would lean back against the soft grass and just watch the clouds roll by. 

 

What made the whole thing fun was we’d be looking at the exact same thing, but my friends and I would come up with totally different ideas about what we were looking at. I could be looking at a cloud and I would see some sort of tricycle or a bus or even a giraffe, but my buddy would say that it looked like a horse, a dog or plant.  

 

Another friend would chime in and say that the cloud looked like some person or celebrity. We all knew that there was no right or wrong answer. That’s what made it fun. It’s kind of like a collective way of jogging everybody’s imaginations. It was a way of inspiring each other or stirring up jokes. 

 

Did you know that you can do the same with your thoughts? You can develop enough of an emotional distance from your thoughts, that you can just lean back and acknowledge them. There’s no need to freak out. There’s no need to get predictably angry or upset when some sort of mental image comes to mind. You can process your thoughts just like clouds. 

 

When clouds come over, and it doesn’t matter how dark they are or how much rain they contain, sooner or later, they will blow away. Sooner or later, they will pass. It is not surprise that a lot of people who view their thoughts like clouds develop an attitude of “This too will pass.” I want to wrap your mind around that because I know, at this point as you read this article, you may be obsessing about things in the future or in the past. 

 

Maybe something bad happened to you in the past. Maybe you’re embarrassed about something. Maybe you are feeling bad about something that somebody else did to you. By understanding that you can acknowledge these thoughts without being owned by them is the most liberating feeling that you could ever have. 

 

You no longer have to let your emotions get the better of you. You no longer have to worry about your past having such a hold on you, that it prevents you from moving on. This is liberation. What’s so awesome about it is, all that it takes is for you to change your attitude about your thoughts. They’re not present reality, they’re interpretations. 

 

You can choose your interpretations. You can switch your focus to interpretations that make you feel stronger, worthier, more beautiful and happier. That’s how you edit your reality and that’s why you have to learn the mental techniques that will enable you to watch your thoughts like clouds. 

 

Are You Aware of What You Feed Your Mind?

There is this ancient Native American legend of a wise man who walked from town to town with one white wolf and one black wolf. He was walking from town to town with each wolf on either side. Now, it’s obvious to the townsfolk that the black wolf is very ferocious. If they get anywhere near that animal, it will tear them apart. That is not a theory, that is guaranteed. 

 

They were asking the old man, from a distance, “Which of these animals get bigger and stronger?” What they were really trying to ask is how they could approach the old man. He said, “Whoever I feed gets the upper hand.” This ancient Native American legend really speaks to our collective subconscious. 

 

If you are struggling with memories that make you feel small, weak, powerless, voiceless or somehow stuck in your life, maybe you’re feeding the wrong memories. Maybe you’re feeding these memories by interpreting them in the worst way possible. Maybe you are feeding your insecurities, your pride, your fear, your anger. 

 

Now, just because it has been happening for a long time, this doesn’t mean that this is who you are. Let’s get that clear. A lot of people know that they are unhappy. They know for a fact that they are miserable, but they cannot get those invisible chains off their wrists. Do you know why? They have grown accustomed to them. 

 

Certainly, they’re going to deny this to your face. But deep down inside, they have grown accustomed to them. A lot of people are too quick to trust the devil they know, rather than to take a chance on the devil they don’t know. It may well turn out that that alternative doesn’t have to be a devil. It could be an angel. 

 

Unfortunately, they would never know because they feel that they are stuck. This is the best they can do and they had better not shake the boat. Well, that’s a problem because you know that you are unhappy. You know that you’re not living up to your fullest potential. You know that you are feeding the worst instincts in your mind, but you don’t lift a finger. 

 

Understand that once you become aware of what you feed your mind, you would start to see the big picture. All the pieces will start to fall into place and you would have all the things that you need to make real change in your life. But this is all a choice. You have to be aware that you’re feeding your mind certain things. 

 

How do you feed your mind? By analyzing things a certain way. Did you notice my wording? I did not say “bad” or “good,” because those are value judgements. What I’m trying to focus your mind on is the fact that you are judging. Take control of that analysis process. Understand the consequences of your mental choices. 

 

Whatever it is that you’re struggling with eventually can be traced back to your choice of interpretation. It’s all an interpretation because you look at how the world treats you, it’s all neutral. It’s you who puts meaning into things. It’s you who judges things in such a way that they can either push you up or drag you down. 

 

The key to all of this is to be aware of what you feed your mind.

 

Personal Power is a Choice

I want you to think about the most successful person that you know. Maybe it’s that millionaire uncle who lives in a big house up in the hills. Maybe it’s your friend’s dad who drives the latest Ferrari. Maybe it’s your mom’s uncle who started with nothing and became a multibillionaire. Regardless of which person you have in mind, I want you to focus on who they really are. 

 

What kind of choices did they have to make to get to where they are now? Of course I’m not talking about people who just simply won the lottery. I’m not talking about people who married a very successful person. I’m talking about people who lifted themselves up from nothing to turn themselves into something. 

 

It doesn’t even have to be all that big or dramatic. Somebody who just came from dirt poor to middle class is good enough. What do they all have in common? Well, here’s the reality. They use their power of choice to change their lives. Everybody has this power of choice. That’s right. No matter how seemingly stuck, frustrated or powerless you feel, you still have that power of choice. 

 

The big difference between your life and theirs is that you use your power of choice to achieve certain results. They used theirs to achieve their results. The big difference is not whether you have a choice or not. The big difference is how you use that power of choice. I want you to understand this. 

 

I want you to wrap your mind around this fact because it will lead you to the same conclusion that I have. My conclusion is that we all have pretty much the same hardware. We all have two eyes, one nose, two ears, one mouth, you name it. We are all pretty much built the same way. It doesn’t matter what the color of our skin may be. The texture of our hair doesn’t matter. When it comes to hardware, we’re basically the same. 

 

The big difference is the software we choose. If you are unhappy in any way with your life, choose to install better software. Personal power is a choice. Those people who all that money, power and respect, they were not born with it. They also had to struggle like you. The difference is that they are aware of their power of choice. 

 

They are aware that when they make a decision, sooner or later, what they desire will become a reality. Obviously, if you’re reading this and you are struggling in any way, this is not what you see in your life. You can even plan all you want, but nothing seems to happen. It boils down to the choices that you are making. 

 

Using this technique, you will be able to see your choices through, so instead of just hoping and wishing, you can actually see them turn into a reality. Please understand that it’s all a choice. You have to choose right here, right now.