I want you to change how you think of regret and decisions. The decision that you make feels right in the moment, but you later regret it. That doesn't do anyone any favors, you are beating yourself up for something that you cannot change.
We all make poor choices and it doesn't matter how mindful you are or how intentionally you live, you will make bad decisions in the future too. Unfortunately, we rarely know it's the bad choice until much later. Regret is pointless.
Mistakes are easy, but it isn't the mistakes that continually threaten your success because they are inevitable. It's how you react to regret that threatens or bolsters your success. What matters is how you resolve it and how you avoid making the same mistake again.
Regret is, in my opinion, an emotion, which means that you should allow yourself to feel it but you cannot wallow in it. Like any emotion, it is valid but that does not mean it is accurate. The decision you made was what you felt was the right one in the moment. You may be able to anticipate potential consequences of different choices but you cannot anticipate regret. Emotions often serve as blinders and when you think with your heart rather than your head you can fall prey to this.
No one intends to make a poor decision, they don't set out to make bad choices. If you are standing on the sidewalk waiting to cross the road you find out whether you make a mistake immediately. You looked both ways or so you thought, but your foot hit the asphalt and you see a car speeding in your direction.
You may or may not have time to get out of the way, but you instantly know you make a mistake stepping into the road and you regret it. It felt like the right, safe choice, but it wasn't.
You receive a text that infuriates you and you cannot remember feeling so angry in your life. Instinctively, you start tapping out a furious response. You wouldn't speak to this person like this face-to-face.
In fact, you wouldn't speak to anyone like this normally, you are overtaken by your emotions and you hit send message and feel pretty great about it. It was the right choice and you rant about the initial message all day. You can feel your stress levels rising rather than falling and even though you toss and turn all night, by morning you feel calmer about the situation. That's when regret sets in. If only you could take it back.
It may take longer to realize it was the wrong decision. You might choose to leave your job for another. It was a sideways step, but this new position seemed to have more room to grow. Within the year, the person who took over your job has a promotion that would have been yours and you have stayed standing still.
There is only one way to deal with regret and that is to change your plan. You can't do anything more than making the decision that appears correct in the moment.
You wouldn't make a bad decision intentionally so you need to cut yourself some slack and rather than steeping yourself in regret, look for the lesson.
A wrong choice is a way to gain experience and that is a lesson in what not to do next time.
Life is a learning curve and regret is part of that. You have to be brave and recognize when the wrong choice and the regret that follows is a symptom of something bigger, as in you're on the wrong track. Or, when it's just a thing you need to deal with and keep on moving forward.
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