Is the Perceived Lack of Happiness Robbing You of Real Happiness?

Do you often feel life has left you short? That somehow you have been robbed of the right to be happy and content. Maybe you have financial or relationship issues in your life or you are facing chronic health problems. You look around and see happy faces everywhere you look and it can be easy to slip into a feeling that everyone but you is happy. 

 

There is no one on this earth, no matter how rich, famous or successful who does not suffer moments where they feel that life has served them a difficult basket of trials to deal with. The smiles on many people’s faces may be masks that are worn to cover up the internal pain. Other people wear smiles because they have learned to deal with their pain and problems and focus on the good and not the bad in their life.

 

There are very few people who feel that life is not difficult and the circumstances they find themselves in difficult. However, finding the blessing in life and focusing on it rather than the negative, is the key that opens the door to contentment even when things couldn’t seem to get worse. 

 

Perhaps the area that causes most problems for people is in accepting other people’s faults and making excuses for them. Every person is a unique human being and is the product of their past experiences. Very few interpersonal relationships will ever be without some level of differences of opinion. The potential for conflict is always there when people interact with each other. As we focus on the good in the other person and the benefits of our relationship with them because of the unique person they are, it helps us put a different perspective on those areas that we find difficult to appreciate. 

 

Happiness in marriage or any other close relationship, is not the absence of problems. It is maturing in our relationships to accept the differences and enjoying the differences between people and finding our happiness in those differences. Sometimes differences may be irreconcilable, but often-true happiness is not the same as perceived happiness and constantly comparing our relationships or our life with others circumstances will only serve to drag us down and not lift us up. As we learn this essential life lesson we can learn to explore and find happiness where we least expect it. 

Look at the Clouds for Inspiration

Have you ever had the pleasure of lying on your back and looking up at the sky and contemplating the clouds? They are constantly changing color, shape and size. Sometimes they are puffy and white and float around in the blue sky in dazzling whiteness. Suddenly and without warning, they appear to take on grey angry looks and become storms that can build up to an intensity that produces lightening, thunder and natures vengeance. We marvel at their beauty and their power. As quickly as the storm develops it returns to its peaceful state and the clouds once again float past without a care in the world. 

 

Our lives can be like the clouds as we learn techniques to help us deal with whatever circumstances come away. We, like the clouds can learn to adapt to the conditions around us and even to thrive in the storms of life. Our true potential can be seen not in the calm days we face, when there are few problems in our world, but in the inevitable storms of life. 

 

When we allow frustrations and problems dictate how we feel about life we will often feel defeated and hopeless. When we take the opportunity to develop resources that help us weather those storms and even to find the inner strength to overcome the storms, we can face them with a new determination to grow through them and not be defeated by them. 

 

The key to building this inner strength is to understanding that just as a thunderstorm passes, so will the difficult situations we are facing in life. Every situation we find ourselves in, will only last a few hours or a few days, maybe even as little as a few minutes. With patience and perseverance, we can ride the storm and enjoy its fruits as the earth does when a storm has ended. 

 

Perhaps you are facing a tough situation right now. It may even be the result of something that is a potential failure, the result of a poor choice or bad decision. The key is to understand that the resources to deal with the situation are within you. You can learn from your mistakes and grow from them. A baby learns to walk by falling over and standing up again. As adults sometimes we need to learn from the baby and take risks that will make us strong. 

What Makes You Feel Loved?

What things that others do for you make you feel loved? Do you like to have people give you special gifts, or to send you cards and messages that assure you that you are loved and appreciated? Maybe you are the type of person who appreciates a hug as a way of feeling loved, or really enjoy spending time with your spouse or best friend.

 

The way we give love to others is often indicative of the way we want to be loved ourselves. Most couples enjoy expressing their love to each other. However, many of us have yet to learn a golden lesson. We all give and receive love every day. Often what makes us feel loved is different to the way others give and receive it. Learning what makes our spouse or children feel loved can be the key to making even great relationships even better.

 

We all enjoy being told we are loved, but for some people, the spoken word is not enough. Telling your spouse or child you love them but never following it up with the things that make them feel loved can create feelings of confusion and concern in even the best of relationships. 

 

Keep a record of what you do for others to show them your love and note the reactions you receive to those actions. As you observe the significant people in your life and their responses to the different ways, you express love to them; you will soon see how they best “hear” you. 

 

If your wife sees help around the house as evidence of how much you love her, each time you help her you confirm to her you love her. In just one action, you will speak louder to her about your love than if you verbally assure her of your love every day. If your husband wants your physical touch, giving it to him will assure him you love him, more than any number of meals you may cook for him.

 

Learning to recognize the things that make us feel loved and then identifying what the significant people in our lives need to feel loved is a beautiful self-growth adventure that will revolutionize our relationship. It takes little time and effort to learn how to do this, yet as we learn and use this simple technique, our significant relationships can be transformed. 

 

4 Tips of Dealing with a Narcissistic Partner

There are relationships whereby one of the partners seems to be caught up in him or herself. This may show as a sign of arrogance or selfishness. Such people tend to think or even talk more of themselves and they do not usually think about others. Narcissism is mainly a condition whereby somebody thinks of himself or herself more than other people. 

 

When you experience this behavior in your partner then you should start to think about your partner being a narcissist. Having a narcissistic person as your partner can be very hurting. This is because you tend to always feeling that you are being ignored, you feel incomplete at times, annoyed, animosity and probably worried about this evident personality imperfection.

 

There are also times where you will start to look for professional help for your partner. This is very true; there is a psychological condition which is known as narcissism. This condition is simply described as a series of characteristics and manners which indicate infatuation and fascination with individual self to the elimination of others and the egocentric and cruel search of one’s fulfillment, supremacy and aspiration. However, you do not have to worry about this condition in your relationship. This is because there are tips as to how you can deal with a narcissist partner in your relationship. 

 

One of the tips is to ask yourself about the labels that you are relating. For some time, it could seem obvious that your partner is a narcissist. However, you should not go ahead and call your partner a narcissist. This is because the results of this could be really bad. If you notice that your partner is self-centered, just try and act along with it. Labels should only be used the right way.

 

The second tip is to clear about your wanting and needs. You should be able to know what you really want in a relationship and what you need in it. You should concentrate on what you want from your partner and less on his or her negatives. You should put on paper your priorities to your partner but not demands. 

 

The third step is to make agreements with your partner. You can use your list of requests to your partner. Agreements need to be reached cooperatively and they should not be with ultimatums. You should also make decisions according to your top most interests. This is where you get to decide whether it is advisable for you to stay in the relationship or not. You should a thorough assessment of both of you in that relation and see how successful it is moving. 

How to Have a Successful Relationship

Relationships are what keep us going. All that is in a relation is between you and another thing. Some of the things that keep us going that is the necessities are all based on relationships. Things like food, air water which are all essentials are all dependents of relations. We cannot understand ourselves except in relationships to another or life on its own. It is natural that we are all dependent on relationships so that we survive, to get feedback, have a mirror of ourselves and also for nurture. We can take for example a mother’s nurture is genuine and symbolic, and are the necessary mechanisms that enables us to develop, if we did not have our mother’s nurture then would not be alive by now.

 

Relationships are all about connecting with the innovation, the obscurity and the way others are diverse from us. It is also about opportunities, learning, development and the one can change to be an optimist. There are so many things which make relationship to have life and these are the likes of having a relationship with human beings, animals, vegetation, minerals and myriads and infinite life forms. There are also some factors which motivate us to discover that which is above us and this is curiosity, desire and also growth. Without pleasure and pain then there is no relationship.

 

There must be pleasure at some point and pain at another point. There are those times when pleasure is more that the pain and there are times when pain is much more than pleasure. Pain is the key factor to growth, little pain in case one gives up to the progression and agrees to changes that are essential to development. For one to be able to grow in a relation then he must be ready to let go of his sense of stability and he should be ready to take risks. You should note that relationships need one to adapt to various worlds whereas maintaining his own. When you find and mix that mixture is the procedure that will enable you to grow in your relationship. 

 

Change also is part of relation and it has to be present. We are all expected to outgrow the common and familiar ways of life. We are expected to aim for things which expand and deepen us. Our day-to-day life can be forever be enhanced by what we get from relationships. It is a fact that we are all learners of one another that is learn on one’s own, but the truth is that our skill and fulfillment traces how those around us influence and affect us. 

Key Things in a Relationship

Nobody likes to single and you will bear me witness that people who does not want to be in a relationship is the ones who were hurt. This however does not mean that you should not give it a try. There are people who have also tried to be in a relationship many times but most of the time they end up alone. This is probably because they did not take the key things in their relationships. Relationships are supposed to be taken and carried tenderly and taken slowly. There are times when a relationship seems to be very hard and this is the part where you tend to move out of it. There are however other relationships which are very dangerous. Some of them have got a lot of fighting, arguments and even cheating on one another. These kinds of relationships usually end very badly and you find that the two parties become big enemies. 

 

There are however three things which make relationships successful. One of the things that you should ensure that your relationship does not lack, is trust. There is nothing as important as trust in everything that you do. If a person does not trust you there is no way that he or she is going to love you. Every relationship is based on trust. A husband-and-wife relationship is always based on trust, a mother children relationship has also got to have trust. You can gain a person’s trust by being honest to him or her. Most of the relationships break up because of cheating on the other partner. 

 

The other very important thing in a relationship is respect. It is very important to respect one another. Do not look down on your partner because this will make them to feel unappreciated. If you respect your partner then you will also be able to respect yourself. If you do not have respect there is no way that you will have a successful relationship with anybody. There are many things that one can avoid when they have respect for their relationship. Respect is an aspect that comes from deep within one self. 

 

In a relationship, there should be good communication. There must be understanding. When you lack communication skills then there is no understanding. When you shout at one another, then that means that no one is listening to the other because there is no communication there. When you have these three simple things in your relationship then you can be assured that you will have a long and happy relationship. 

Making Your Relationship Successful

There are good sides in a relationship and also bad sides. This also applies to marriage life and also single life. If you want your relationship to be successful then you really have to work hard on it. However, you do not have to work not only hard but also smart. The key thing here is working smart. You should be able to take the bad traits and mix them with the good ones and then negotiate on various points. We all know that there is no person who was born perfect and so nobody is perfect. When you have this at the back of your mind then you have plenty of realistic expectations concerning your relationship. You should also note that there is nothing as perfect relationship or perfect marriage neither is their perfect life in general. 

 

There are so many people who will look at another person’s relationship and think that it is perfect or it is flowing smoothly. The truth is that in every relationship you must find a problem. There are always ups and downs and you will have good and bad days as well. For you to have an almost perfect relationship, both of you in the relationship should be able to work on making your relationship successful. One of the most important things in a relationship is communication. This will bring about understanding in one another’s views, thoughts and also one another’s traits. This could sound so obvious but it is true. 

 

For you to be able to have an effective communication, you must spend some time together. This is tricky also because most of the time you find that you are both busy. Many are the times that when you arrive at your house the last thing in your mind is a heart-to-heart conversation with your partner. However, communication can be simple and not too serious. It could simply do with having a meal together or doing something together. The other thing is solving problems and not leaving them hanging between you. You do not need to pretend that nothing happened between you two.

 

Whatever the situation you should talk about it and not ignore it because it will only get worse and worse. This is because one way or the other it will spring up again and this time it will be a bigger problem than it was at first. And so you should solve problems right there before they become a big risk in your relationship. You should avoid trying to read your partner’s mind. Respect is also another important thing in a successful relationship. 

What Kinds of Relationships Will You Encounter Every Day?

There are so many types of relationships. No matter the type of relationship you should ensure that you work hard on it do that it turns out to be successful. Relationships can be enjoyable whereas others can be stressing. Before you get into a relationship you must first ensure that you know the type of as person that you are getting into a relationship with. A true relationship is based on trust. No matter the kind of relationship to be successful there must be the presence of trusting one another. You cannot build a relationship with a stranger. Trust has to be there because you do not want to start your relationship on somebody who will teach you, steal from you and do all kind of evil behind you including back biting.

 

Many people run out of relationships because they are not happy. Some of the relationships break because there is no understanding between the two parties. You have to understand one another so that you can have a smooth communication. That is why you are advised that before you get into a relationship you should first start by befriending your partner. This will help you to understand one another and know their likes and their dislikes. In any relationship you should also watch one another’s attitude. Attitude is very important in every area of our lives. 

 

There are also steps which one is supposed to follow when they are getting into a relationship. These steps are very important because they help us to go slow in relationships. If you rush in a relationship, you are probably going to miss a step in your relationship and this will lead to very serious problems. You should take relationships slowly especially if you are in love and not infatuation. In a relationship you should be in a position of accepting your partner the way they are. There are times in your relationship where you will experience ups and downs. There are those times where the bad days will outweigh the good day and vice versa. This should not put you down because this is what makes your relationship to grow. 

 

For your relationship to work you should also try new things in your life. Doing the same things all the time makes a relationship boring. Every day is a new day and so you should engage yourselves in new activities daily. Relationships can last for a long time, and also they can also last for a very short time and this will depend on the parties involved.

Doing a Self-Assessment for Self-Discovery

To a very large extent, many of us tend to see what is wrong with others without taking in to account or having a close look on ourselves. Taking a self-assessment is vital in making us become the best or have a realization of the best in us. You need somebody is very honest to help you in self-assessment. There are a number of self-assessment tests that you can undertake for self-discovery.

 

Self-assessment entails looking deep into you for an insight thus self-discovery. Here you do not become self-centered but have some time to look at yourself get to learn about the person you see every time you look at the mirror. 

 

The first step to a tangible self-assessment is to be very honest about you. Take a hard look at the mirror and take time to study the person you are seeing. Describe the person that you see in the mirror using up to a total of 25 adjectives. Consider using both good and adjectives that are bad. This is important owing to the fact that you are undertaking a truthful exercise. Consider digging deep down. Uphold utmost honesty. Allow for rediscovery of yourself.

 

After looking at yourself in the mirror, and discovering the person reflected in the mirror. Consider your likes and dislikes. This is vital to allow you identify any potential issues that may help you know the root cause of your likes and dislikes. It will help in prevention of repeating a bad behavior. Keep in mind the fact that failure to focus on your past, you be forced to repeat the same past. Look for the ways you can use to cope with the elements that may be stressing you.

 

Consider the activities that you like doing. Which books do you enjoy reading? What in most cases makes you not tolerate with life? What saddens? For all the answers that you give, provide an explanation. Explore the explanations to depth. 

 

The next exercise is to begin doing a journal. For a whole week, write down all your emotions, actions and thoughts that you might have heard throughout the week. Write down what you do comfortable without much effort but is also very rewarding. A journal is different from a diary in that in it you write personal thoughts and reflections you might have heard. 

Encourage or Fix—What Is Your Style?

Each of us has an approach that we use when people come to us for help with their problems. Some of us like to encourage the person to find the answer within themselves and we stand with them as they put their plans into action and reap the benefits and consequences of choices. Others of us prefer to fix the problem for the person, exploring ideas for plans and actions that will potentially solve problems.

 

Neither style is more beneficial than the other and most people would agree that both styles are necessary qualities. However, as each style affects the way we treat our families, friends and work colleagues, its’ worth knowing which style more clearly emulate in our interpersonal relationships. How do you know if your style is to fix or encourage? Here are some useful things to consider about each style of helping others. 

 

You Like to Help Others by Offering Solutions to Their Problems When They Approach You with Their Problems.

 

Men in general like to fix problems more than listen to others talk about them. Problems need to be fixed and a man using his left sided logic, likes to help develop a plan of action to solve a problem and to seek its resolution by providing solutions.

 

Men and women instinctively want to fix a problem when faced with one, be it their own or someone else’s problem. Many people need and want this help in their lives. Whilst it may not be considered empowering the other person, sometimes life needs create a need in us to find this style of helping. 

 

You Encourage Others to Talk about Their Problems and Help Them to Find Their Own Solutions.

 

If you are the sort of person who likes to encourage your friends and family to talk about their problems and help them create their own solutions you are more likely an encourager than a fixer. Women instinctively do this amongst themselves when they “share” their problems with their friends. Men often do this with each other when they play golf or drink together, or join mentoring groups facilitate talking and sharing. 

 

Most of us use both styles of helping others interchangeably in our lives depending on who we are talking to and what their needs are. Learning to be selective on who we use which style with is a journey of self-reflection and of personal discovery. 

Have You Ever Encountered Yourself?

Actor James Baldwin once said, “I have encountered a lot of people in Europe, I have even encountered myself” It begs the question, have you encountered yourself? To encounter means to meet by surprise or unexpectedly, amongst other meanings. When was the last time you experienced that type of surprise meeting with yourself? 

 

Have you been in a situation where you found out you liked something you didn’t think you would enjoy? Maybe tried a new food, or a new sport. Maybe started a new hobby? When this happens without you orchestrating the situation you are encountering yourself. Many people stay in their comfort zones, and rarely find themselves in a situation where they are challenged by encountering themselves in an unexpected or surprising ways. 

 

As a personal challenge take time to do something different today. Take a walk on the beach or through the forest and use your senses to experience the sights, smells and tastes around you. Walk slowly and keep a journal close. Allow your self-time to experience things you may usually walk past and write down the things that you become aware of. Write about the way they impact you and if they bring back childhood memories or other significant thoughts, write them down as well.

 

If you are taking a journey of self-discovery, encountering yourself is the first step to learning about the person you are. Another meaning of encounter relates to conflict and confrontation. Much of the time we prefer not to confront ourselves and we certainly don’t want to know inner conflict, but for self-discovery to be successful, we must be willing to consider even the inner conflicts we have constantly raging inside us, some more low key than the others. We must be willing to confront the unjustifiable fears and assumptions we make often with no reason. 

 

Our lives can sometimes be like that of a small child who looks at what the food on his plate looks like and decides what he feels about it simply by looking. If it looks good, he will try to eat it, if it looks bad he will tell you he doesn’t like it. We try to encourage children to try food before they say they do not like it. This is the key to self-discovery and personal encounters. Giving ourselves permission to unexpectedly find ourselves and challenge our preconceived ideas.