4 Techniques for Handling Negative Emotion

We don’t always do the right thing. We eat too much. We stay out too late. We make mistakes, break promises, and live a life that isn’t always in keeping with our goals.

 

All of this leads to negative emotions: guilt, shame, even anger come creeping in to derail your attempts to get back on track. How can you handle these kinds of negative emotions without letting it ruin your day?

 

We start by looking at three ways you have used to handle it and then move on to one technique you should be using all the time.

 

Avoiding the Emotion

 

Don’t we love pretending we can make the emotions go away? We bury them, suppress them, explain them away, sometimes even turning to things like drugs or alcohol just to make them stop. The problem? Anytime you’re avoiding something because of negative emotions, you’re letting the emotion control you. The better solution? Give yourself room to understand it, and deal with the underlying cause. 

 

Pretending the Emotion is Not There

 

This coping mechanism is a little different. You fall into it by denying you ever felt the negative emotion in the first place. Here the problem is, the more you deny an emotion, the more it grows until it can’t be ignored any longer. Your solution, this time, is simple. Acknowledge the emotion. Accept it for what it is and let it fade on its own.

 

Becoming the Emotion

 

Sometimes the negative emotion is so powerful it becomes part of who you are. At some point, you might even start taking a certain amount of pride in it. You start saying, “Well, I’m just a mad person” or even bragging about how worse off you are than anyone else. Now you’ve become the emotion. The solution? Let the feelings process. Journal, talk to a friend, whatever you need to do, do, to let the emotion move on. Pro tip? Start encouraging positive emotions, allowing them to come in and replace the negative.

 

Learn

 

Learning the lessons of your emotions is perhaps the strongest technique of all. When you realize negative emotions are useful in your life and are there to teach you about yourself, doors start opening. You begin to see different possibilities. Feelings as educational tools have no power to control you at all, but conversely, have the power to change you in very positive ways. Like when you’re feeling angry about injustice, and you use this anger to create positive change in the world.

 

How to Deal With a Difficult Emotion Using Mindfulness

Mindfulness has a great many uses and is often prescribed by self-help gurus, doctors, writers and others as a tool anyone can use to improve their mental health.

 

Often these focusses on the long-term benefits of being more present and aware. At the same time though, mindfulness can also be used like a scalpel to deal with more acute problems. Here we will look at how it can be leveraged for instance to tackle specific emotions as they arise.

 

Turning Towards Emotions

 

Normally when we experience negative emotions, we react either by trying to ‘fight them’ or by trying to suppress them. This can be described as almost ‘turning away’ from our emotions to try and deny them their power over us.

 

Unfortunately, this ultimately tends to result in our becoming more stressed or upset as the emotions bubble under the surface, or as we frustrate ourselves in trying to fight them.

 

Instead, mindfulness teaches us to turn towards our emotions. What this means, is that you are going to listen to the thoughts and feelings you’re experiencing and then simply acknowledge them. Now you say ‘I am stressed’, ‘I am embarrassed’ or ‘I am upset’. Don’t be ashamed or upset that emotion exists but simply recognize that you are currently in that state.

 

People get upset sometimes. People get angry sometimes. But if you’re simply aware of your condition, then you can be aware that perhaps the thoughts you’re thinking aren’t completely objective. What’s more, you should keep hold of the knowledge that emotions aren’t permanent. In other words, you’re feeling angry right now and as such your thoughts shouldn’t be taken too seriously. But in a few hours, you will likely feel better and then the world will seem like a brighter place again.

 

This creates a subtle but powerful shift. No longer is the world a terrible place and thus you are upset, now you are upset and thus the world seems like a terrible place. The difference is that you now know that belief is not true.

 

Debriefing

 

What’s more, being aware and accepting of your emotions in this way will allow you to assess them in a kind of ‘debriefing’ and to look at what triggered them, how you dealt with them and what they made you think and do. The more you break down and intellectualize your emotions, the more you will find you gain control over them.

 

The Four Building Blocks of Every Emotion (and Why This is Important)

What are emotions, really? 

 

We know enough about emotions to be able to define them fairly well. We can talk about being 'happy' or 'sad' because we've understood these concepts since we were small. But truly understanding an emotion can seem complicated, especially when you're pushed to explain it.

 

Every emotion is made up of four parts. Let’s explore first what those parts are.

 

The Stimulus

 

For an emotion to happen, you need something which will inspire it. This can be anything at all. Generally, emotions come from outside sources, though they can also arise from your thoughts. You never know what might raise an emotion – a smell, a taste, a memory, a person, a place, or even an activity you're taking part in will inspire emotions. Even babies will be inspired to emotion through simple things like being hungry, uncomfortable, amused, or even by the smell or sound of their caregiver.

 

Your Awareness

 

A situation alone won't be enough to inspire emotion. At some point, your mind will become aware of the situation. This can be a conscious or even unconscious thing. We start paying attention, and this stimulus suddenly matters to us in a way the other things around us don't.

 

The Judgement

 

Are you okay with this stimulus? Your unconscious self already knows your likes and dislikes and is already steering you toward either a positive or negative emotional response. 

 

The Reaction

 

Your physical self is already figuring out the situation and is responding. For example, you might not have noticed the spider that just scuttled across your hand, but your eyes have widened significantly, and you might have felt a chill. This is followed very closely by the physical reaction (in this case, pulling your hand away) and possibly even a verbal expression (a scream, perhaps, if you're afraid of spiders).

 

Why is this important?

 

If you want to change your feelings, start with these building blocks. You'll always have a stimulus, and your awareness of things isn't always within your control. But how you feel about the stimulus can be reshaped. Go back to the spider example. If you don't want to be afraid of spiders, you might rehearse a different reaction, starting with a new judgment. You tell yourself spiders aren't scary and try not to react when you see one. Eventually, you won't feel the 'fear' anymore but might move to disinterest or even curiosity when you see a spider.

 

This takes time, but taking control of your emotions is invaluable. The key? Be consistent as you work on this change; soon, it will come naturally.

 

3 Uncomfortable Things That Will Make You More Successful

Doing uncomfortable things is difficult, mainly because they put you in a position where you aren't comfortable. It's hard to follow through on tasks when you are uncomfortable. The harsh truth is sometimes these uncomfortable things can make you more successful, especially if you do the following three things. 

 

1.    Develop Healthy Habits

 

Have you ever seen a successful person that stays in bed all day and eats nothing but junk food? Exactly, they don't exist. The number one uncomfortable thing you have to do if you want to be more successful is to develop healthy habits. These habits include getting out of bed earlier, eating healthy, and exercising at some point during the day. These things aren't fun, but they must be done if you want to be successful. Start developing these habits right away because your old habits aren't good for you anyway. 

 

2.    Taking Risks

 

What do you consider successful? Do you want a different career or live in a different city? Why haven't you done it yet? You are probably still in your current situation because doing either of the above would involve taking a risk. Taking a risk can be scary and quite uncomfortable at times. However, if you never take a risk, you will never be successful because you will remain exactly where you are. 

 

This applies to money as well. Many people think it is safer to store their money in a savings account, or maybe not save at all. But if you can invest your money in something riskier, like your own business, or stocks, this could lead you on the road to success—you just have to take a risk to get there. 

 

3.    Admitting You’ve Made a Mistake

 

This is a tough one, but everyone makes mistakes at some point in their life, and it is uncomfortable to admit that you may have. When you admit to someone you made a mistake, this shows responsibility and increases the persons' respect for you. This can take you a long way in the business world. It can also help you mend friendships and network more efficiently because people will see you as the type of person they want to associate and work with on a professional and personal level. 

 

Are you ready to be successful? Then it's time to take note of the above three uncomfortable things that you will need to be able to handle before you can be successful. If you can manage these three things, then success is probably right around the corner. 

 

4 Tips for Taking Risks and Living Life Intensely

If you really want to live your best, most authentic life, you have to learn to be comfortable with risk. Modern society tends to value security. There’s a lot of pressure to get a good education, find a good job, and stay on the path to homeownership, a family life, and a secure future. 

 

But there’s more to life than the same old nine to five. How will you know what you’re capable of if you don’t break out of the security mold? Living with intensity means really pushing your potential. It means making your mark on the world. Here are some tips to help you make friends with risk and live a more intense, more rewarding life. 

 

1.    Step Away from Fear

 

So many people live a small life, too afraid to step out of line and take the risk of doing things differently. You can decide to step away from fear and worry over the small stuff. Taking risks doesn’t mean being reckless, but it does mean you prepared to live a bit closer to the edge!

 

2.    Get Comfortable Outside Your Comfort Zone

 

It’s called a comfort zone for a reason. It can feel pretty safe and secure inside there. But it can be stultifying and limiting. And, be honest with yourself: how likely are you to reach your full potential if you never step out of your regular routine? Where do your dreams, your heart-centered goals fit into your life right now?

 

3.    Commit to Positivity

 

No one ever achieved anything big with a negative mindset. It’s easy to find reasons not to do something, there will always be a ready excuse - waiting until you get a better job or when the kids go to college. 

 

Take the risk of thinking positively. Focus on success and what you really want from life. Find allies and champions who will cheer you on your way. Look for role models and mentors who will help and inspire you. 

 

4.    Take control of Your Risk

 

Living more intensely doesn’t have to be all or nothing. There’s no rule book, no standards. When it comes to living an extraordinary life, it’s totally up to you where and how much you want to turn up the volume and where you want to do it. You might choose to stick to your regular job but take up skydiving or become an entrepreneur on the side. 

 

Inviting a little risk into your life can be liberating, even exhilarating. All you have to do is decide to make the jump. 

 

Why You Need to Take Risks to Succeed

Taking a risk is scary. Especially because you have no idea how things will turn out, and there's always a big chance that things won't work out at all. However, the reality is you absolutely must take risks to succeed. Keep reading to find out why. 

 

You’ll Miss Out on Opportunities

 

Every time you take a risk, you open the doors to new opportunities that wouldn't appear without risk. If you never take a risk, you may never get the opportunity to do some amazing things. 

 

An example of this would be wanting to quit your job to start a business but being too scared to give up a steady income. However, if you were to take the risk, you would have plenty of hours during the day to seek out customers and be exposed to opportunities that you would otherwise miss sitting in your office job. 

 

You’ll Gain Confidence

 

A major aspect of achieving success is being confident in yourself and your abilities. Is your confidence lacking a little bit? Well, taking some risks in your life can help with this. Although you may not always land on your feet, when you do, you'll learn a lot about yourself in the process and gain lots of valuable confidence in your abilities. 

 

Even if the risk doesn't go well, you can always give yourself a confident pat on the back, knowing you tried your best! 

 

You Learn Lessons

As mentioned multiple times, you can fail when you take a risk. Even if this happens to you, this is actually a good thing because you will learn some valuable lessons when this happens. 

 

The lessons you learn from failure will help you grow wiser and stronger and make better decisions in the future. Plus, now you know one way how not to succeed. 

 

Playing it Safe is the Same as Doing Nothing

 

You’ll never pursue your dreams by sitting on the couch doing nothing. And if you are too afraid to take risks, this is the same thing as doing nothing. Resolve to step out of your comfort zone right away, take a risk, and get moving towards that goal you have always wanted to achieve. 

 

Are you ready to start achieving success in your life? It’s time to start the process by taking a risk. Even if the risk doesn’t end well, you’ll open yourself up to opportunity, confidence, and learning new lessons—all of which are good things that will inevitably lead you to success. 

 

5 Steps for Using Visualization to Get What You Want in Life

What do you want out of life? For some of us, it’s personal improvement. We’d like to lose weight, become stronger and more physically able. Maybe we’d like to achieve something in the world of sports, by winning a race or even running in one. 

 

For others, our goals have to do with our jobs. We want a coveted position, or to seek out something that satisfies on some deeper level. Or maybe it’s to create something, such as writing a book or learning how to paint.

 

Whatever it is you desire most, the question is, how do you intend to go about getting it? The key? Visualization.

 

Visualization takes a goal and makes it concrete and even attainable in our minds. This process is how we bring it about in our lives. How? 

 

Figure Out Your Goal

 

You’ll go nowhere fast if you don’t know where you’re heading. It’s a lot like getting in a car and expecting to get somewhere without a destination. All you’ll do is wind up driving aimlessly and getting nowhere fast. To find your goal, ask yourself what you’re passionate about. What’s the one thing you want to do more than any other?

 

Explore the Details

 

Next, you’re going to want to explore the goal in depth. Experience it thoroughly by using all of your senses. What do you see when you envision it? How does it feel? What does it smell like or even taste like? What do you hear when you think about it? What emotions come alive in you when you think about reaching this goal?

 

Plan for Roadblocks

 

It would be silly to think a goal could be achieved without any kind of trouble along the way. What are the problems you’re most likely going to encounter in this journey? How can you solve them? Include this in your vision.

 

Visualize it Repeatedly

 

You need to be familiar with your dream if you wish to achieve it. Visualization is something you need to practice several times a week. Make a daily practice of visualization. Be consistent in this.

 

Boost Your Success

 

Still floundering? Try starting visualization with a relaxation exercise. Make sure to cut out distractions, whether internal or external, and layer in a little pep talk to bring up your energy. Your best success comes from setting yourself up to succeed from the start.

 

By using these tips, you’ll quickly master the fine art of visualization. Remember, this only works if you’re consistent. Stay the course, and soon you’ll be finding success in whatever it is you wish to pursue.

How to Use “Morning Pages” Journaling as Part of Your Best Morning Routine

You’ve probably seen people post about their use of morning pages on Instagram or Pinterest, but have you tried it yourself? No? Why the heck not? Writing morning pages is a simple practice that can be an added benefit to not only your morning routine but your day as well.

 

Creating morning pages is the act of writing three pages of free-flowing thought by longhand. You are probably thinking, isn’t that journaling? Yes, yes, it is. However, mornings pages are done first thing in the morning, and without any premeditation as to what will be written.

 

The benefits of this practice are vast. The process will allow you to clear the revolving ideas from your mind, open up to new ways of thinking, and help lessen anxiety or negative thought patterns your mind naturally gravitates towards. The act of writing down in longhand what is floating in your mind allows you to engage with your own thoughts and surroundings in a way that typing does not allow. This is mostly because you are slowing down and can, therefore, take more notice of your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings.

 

Now that you know about morning pages, how do you incorporate this into your morning routine? You will first need your preferred writing utensil. This can be a pen or pencil, as well as a notebook or blank, loose paper. The next and final step is placing yourself with those items as soon as possible after waking up in the morning. You can do your morning pages from your bed or kitchen counter, with tea or coffee, or a sports drink even. 

 

At first, it may seem challenging to sit and write three pages longhand. Your hand may cramp, you may not know what to write, and three pages could seem like an eternity. The point is to stick with the process. If day one, you only write half a page, be sure to not take a defeatist standpoint. Come back the next morning and try again. 

 

Remember that no one is going to read what you write. Your words do not need to be profound, thought-provoking, or even grammatically correct. You just have to write. Any thoughts, feelings, or dreams that come to mind go onto the paper. You can even throw away your pages every morning when you’re done.

 

Morning pages can seem incredibly daunting, but do not let that stop you from exploring the benefits for yourself.

 

5 Reasons You Should Set Big, Scary Goals for Yourself

Search “goal setting” on your favorite search browser, and you will find yourself with hundreds of thousands of results. Everything on how to set SMART goals to worksheets and books on how to reach them. However, so often, we ignore our big, scary goals for the easily attainable: the baby steps that build. Now, there is nothing wrong with working the process and leveling up when you’re ready. But what happened to the big, scary goals of childhood? Jumping off the high dive or asking your crush out on a date. Those were the goals that legends and movies are made of. Why should you set some new, big, scary goals for yourself and go after them?

 

1.    Allow Yourself to Dream and Get Excited

 

When you set your big, scary goal, you are most likely envisioning the finish line in your mind. When you were a kid, this was the cool air blowing around you as you raced down the street on your bike sans training wheels. As an adult, you can let your mind dream of what reaching your goal will look like. Dreaming allows you to get excited about the end of the journey and the steps that will get you there.

 

2.    Long Term Improvements

 

When you set a goal and unapologetically work towards it you will find yourself making changes to better accommodate what is needed to reach your goal. These changes are improvements. If you aim to walk a half marathon, you may find yourself switching out your daily lunch/Netflix break for a stroll around the block. This change will be occurring for a long time for you to reach our goal, and most likely will become a long term or lifetime improvement.

 

3.    Become More Resilient

 

Life is tough. However, having an endpoint to work towards will allow you to enjoy the journey and not get as caught up in the little things. Besides, no journey is without its painful points. Working through those hitches will allow you to become more resilient and reliant on yourself and your own abilities.

 

4.    Confront Your Shortcomings

 

No one is perfect. Most likely you will have a few shortcomings that will make your journey more challenging. Look at your faults and create mini-goals to overcome them. It is one thing when someone or something puts a barrier in your way, but do not be your own worst enemy.

 

5.    Develop (Good) Habits

 

Good habits reinforce more good habits, which are the building blocks of meeting our objectives. Your big, scary goal is absolutely nothing if you are not willing to create, develop, and build upon good habits that will carry you to that goal. If you want to walk a half marathon, you will need to start the practice of merely walking more every day. With that habit comes the habit of having good posture when walking. These habits will continue to build.

 

Big, scary goals are well… big and scary. However, aiming for targets that seem out of your reach will help fuel you with the ambition and appetite to go after them.

3 Unique Ways to Keep Your Mind Sharp

No matter what we do, we all have to reckon with Father Time eventually. 

 

You might already be feeling the effect of time. Maybe you don’t bounce back from a night out like you used to. Are you one of those people who let out some sort of grunt every time they get up from the couch? How is that hairline looking? 

 

If any of those sound familiar to you, then you already know that time comes for us all. 

 

Sadly, time also comes for our brain. It’s natural to get a little more forgetful or have more trouble focusing as you age. You don’t have to accept it graciously, though! If you follow these three unique tips, you will ensure that your mind stays sharp. 

 

Drink a Cup of Coffee

Now, this is the kind of tip that I can get behind! Starting your morning with a cup of coffee is not only a delicious way to wake up, but it can also increase your focus. Some studies have even shown that caffeine has an enhancing effect on long-term memory. 

 

Have a Laugh

 

This tip might even be more enjoyable than enjoying a nice coffee. Find a way to laugh a bit more. You will have to figure out what makes you laugh, but typically throwing on a funny movie or standup routine works. Other people might need more social interaction. A quick call to a close friend will usually include a few good belly laughs. 

Whichever way you get your kicks doesn’t matter, though. What does matter is the fact humor has been shown to improve student performance and decrease the stress hormone cortisol. This stress hormone can contribute to memory loss and other cognitive issues. A good laugh might help your memory! 

 

Pick Up Something Heavy

 

Ok, it might not be quite that simple, but at the end of the day, that is what strength training is. While all exercise is good for your health (brain and otherwise), resistance training is especially adept at boosting cognitive function.  

 

If you aren’t sure what strength training means, it is basically weightlifting. There are many programs for beginners, such as StrongLifts and Starting Strength, but working with a trainer to get the basics down is highly recommended. 

 

Keeping your mind sharp is not only important but also downright vital to a truly happy life. If you are bored with some of the traditional ways to keep your mind sharp, try one of the three suggestions above. You might have so much fun that you don’t even realize you are working to stay sharp!