Discipline in Bite Sized Steps

One of the ways that people struggle with developing self-discipline, is trying to make too many changes at once. Not just by doing more than one goal at a time, but by making those goals way too large. Either of these approaches tend to lead to failure. 

 

An example of too many goals at once might be someone choosing to quit smoking, go on a diet, exercise regularly, build a successful business, and get out of debt. All of these are good goals that can be done. If you try to do them all at once, though, you will probably find it to be too much and quit. This is one of the reasons why resolutions rarely work out. Instead, focus on one or two of these for at least 1 to 2 months and make them consistently a new habit first, before tackling new goals.

 

For example, take quitting smoking, you might start with that one since it has the most negative impact both on health and finances. So you might start with just quitting smoking. You could spend a couple of months getting rid of the cigarettes and using aids like the nicotine patch to help. Then once you have completely quit smoking and no longer need the patch, you can move on to the next goal or goals on your list. 

 

You may find changing your diet and exercising more to be really overwhelming goals because they are huge ones. So, another tactic to help you with discipline is to break them down into smaller goals. Instead of just quitting overeating, maybe you break it down into this week you cut your soda intake in half, then week two you cut it out completely. If you do this week by week making one SMALL change, you may find it easier to stay in control. 

 

Another way you can break it down is by intensity. So say you want to exercise more, but you have not exercised in years. If you start with something like a full workout, you may give up or get injured and then be unable to exercise at all. So instead of going full tilt, you can start by doing mini workouts at a lower intensity for a few days, and over time add more minutes to your workout until you reach at least 20 to 30 minutes of activity. You can also over time increase the intensity of your workout as you get stronger and in better shape. 

 

By breaking down the goals into bite-sized steps, you can make it easier to develop the discipline you need to accomplish them. You will also improve the chances of success in changing your habits.

 

Discipline is Empowering

You may think that developing discipline is about limitations. This thought has probably been reinforced by previous attempts at changing your bad habits. Actually, it can be very empowering to develop discipline. Think back to when you managed to make a change in behavior that was successful, how did you feel? When you overcome obstacles in your path, and accomplish something with consistent work, you feel like you can do anything. 

 

When you are not self-disciplined, you often do not accomplish your goals and feel like you are not worthwhile. You tend to put yourself down more and in general have a more negative outlook on life. You may set yourself up for health issues, in particular those related to obesity, or have trouble in your relationships with friends and family. 

 

Successful people do not get there just because of luck. They make goals, plan how to achieve them, and then develop the discipline to accomplish those goals and plans. They do fail, they do have obstacles, they may even modify the goals or go in a different direction based on working on those original plans. 

 

If you want to succeed, you need self-discipline. You may want to get rid of bad habits like smoking, gambling, and overeating. You may want to form good habits such as exercising, reducing clutter, reading more books, watching less television, or saving money. You can accomplish these habit changes if you focus on one or two at a time, and consistently act on those goals over time. One is best, though if you are trying to lose weight, you may find it better to combine dietary changes with exercise. 

 

The biggest obstacle to discipline is not lack of willpower, but a desire for instant gratification. Especially in modern society, everything seems to be focused on having things done quickly. People eat instant oatmeal or cold cereal instead of having a cooked breakfast. You grab a burger at a fast-food restaurant instead of bringing a healthy lunch to work. Television commercials tell you that you can have this or that right now, if you pay by credit card. The problem with that of course is the interest you later have to pay on those purchases. 

 

You can improve things where you are not in debt, are healthy and fit, and have stable relationships, but it will require giving up instant gratification, and adopting self-discipline. It will not always be easy, but you will find it quite empowering to achieve your goals for a better life.

 

Tips to Increase Trust in Yourself

You may have a difficult time trusting yourself. Don’t despair. You are not alone. It is something that many people experience, and find difficult to overcome. When you lose trust in others, you start to lose trust in yourself.

 

To help you overcome this problem, you need to focus on key aspects of trust. The first is to have faith in your accomplishments. If you pass off your accomplishments as not being that important, when you need to rely on them, they won’t be there for you. That is sure to interrupt the process of trusting yourself.

 

You also need to trust your instincts. You won’t always be right, but you will be more often than not. An instinct is something you feel strongly about and does not come only from experiences. They come from something internal that no one can truly explain. It’s part of that inner voice that is telling you what to do. You need only listen. How many times have you said to yourself that you should have listened to your instincts?

 

You should rely on other people. If you open yourself up to letting others into your life, you will find that you become more trusting of yourself. Whether you like it or not, you need other people. You can’t know everything there is to know about every subject. Use the strengths of others to supplement what you know. It will take the burden away from you to do everything. That will help open the possibilities to put trust in yourself.

 

Try to filter out negative information. You get bombarded with this throughout your life. It occurs every day in the news, at work, and in many cases, your home. The more you learn to focus on positivity in your life, the easier it will be to trust yourself. A good first step towards this goal is to avoid negative people. They work hard to try to bring you down.

 

Trusting yourself sometimes requires a leap of faith. Take some chances. While you want to be smart regarding the risks of your choices, you don’t want to overanalyze every decision you make. If you do, you will never make any decisions, and you will stagnate. It’s true that not everything will work out the way you plan. But, you will never know unless you try. The good news is when you are ready to try, many of your decisions will work for you.

 

5 Ways to Stay Motivated No Matter What

Losing motivation? It happens to the best of us. But there are tricks to staying motivated, many of which involve taking a hard look at your goals. With a little preparation and solid planning, there’s no reason why you can’t stay motivated all the way through whatever project you’ve set out for yourself.

 

How?

 

1. Start with the big picture. What is it you’re trying to accomplish? Having an idea of the eventual goal will help you to stay on track. The clearer the vision, the more likely you are to keep going, even when times get tough. Ask yourself what it is you’re trying to achieve – and then picture yourself achieving it. The visualization step is the most important one here. We tend to perform in the way we expect to. So if we expect to fail, we do. By seeing success, you’re more likely to attain success. 

 

2. Now that you’ve gotten the big picture make sure this is YOUR goal. At first glance that statement seems ridiculous – why would you make a goal that isn’t your own? This answer can be found most easily in asking WHY you want to accomplish what you are. If the word “should” comes up, then chances are you might want to re-evaluate what you’re doing. We often set goals because we feel like they’re something we’re supposed to do, and not because they’re something we want to do. You’re less likely to stay motivated when you’re on the path of ‘should.’ 

 

3. Next, you’ll want to break those tasks down into something manageable. Now that you have a goal and are sure it’s something you want to do, you might feel a little overwhelmed about how you’re going to accomplish that goal. By breaking it up into smaller pieces, you regain the feeling that you’re doing something possible. Like a pro tip? Celebrate the small successes then as you go. That will help keep the motivation levels high. 

 

4. If you’re still a little overwhelmed, get organized. It might be that you don’t feel prepared to work on this project because you lack the research or supplies. Figure out what you need, and then go about making sure you have the proper tools to get the job done. It’s easier to stay motivated when you have what you need to succeed. 

 

5. If all else fails, remember why you set the goal in the first place. It could be you only need a little reminder of your previous motivation to find the fresh motivation to keep going.

 

Motivation isn’t something you have to lose as you work on a project. You can keep your motivation levels high with a little forethought and planning. By keeping on track with your goals, you’ll find that motivation will likewise keep on track, guiding you all the way through the job at hand until completion.

4 Easy Strategies for Sticking to New Year’s Goals

Science has proven that micro-habits are much more effective than big, hairy goals. And yet, when another New Year’s rolls around, the first thing we do is make a huge list of resolutions we want to keep. However, using micro-habits to make changes in your life sets you up for success because of the consistent progress you see. Sticking to our New Year’s goals this year doesn’t need to be hard or scary. Try these three easy strategies to make your goals for the new year doable and rewarding.

 

1. Choose One Thing — one reason we rarely accomplish any of our New Year’s resolutions is because we make a lot of them and they are all massive. So, this year, instead of a laundry list of changes, decide which goal is the most significant in your life. For example, since our health impacts everything we do, you may decide that getting healthier is the one area which deserves your focus. 

 

2. Break It Down — another way we make things hard for ourselves is by stating our goal as something ambiguous and undefined. Like in the example above, “Get healthy” as a goal is sure to fail. Why? You'll fail because the goal is too vague. Instead, you may want to start a list of all the steps you could take to become healthier. You could include things like drinking eight glasses of water per day, exercising for twenty minutes each day, eating a salad for lunch five days a week, drinking only two cups of coffee or soda per day, and getting at least eight hours of sleep per day. Then, choose just one of those to start. Starting with the easiest one is okay. Once that becomes a habit, you can move on to the next one on the list. 

 

Another important aspect is to make the action toward your goal doable. If drinking eight glasses of water each day sounds impossible, how about drinking two? Once you’ve reached two glasses each day, you can step it up to three. That’s how we make even challenging goals stick.

 

3. Choose a Prompt — the easiest way to make sure you include the action steps you need to take to meet your goal is by taking them immediately after you do something that you already do each day. For example, if your goal is to drink eight glasses of water per day, choose prompts to help you remember to drink water. Maybe you decide to take three big gulps of water after hitting “send” on each email throughout the day or a whole glass before each meal and on each break you take during the day.

 

4. Connect it to a Positive Feeling — how do you feel at the end of the day when you stay hydrated? Sure, you might not enjoy drinking water all day, but by connecting the action to still having lots of energy after you’ve worked all day, for example, it’s easier to get up and do the same thing again the next day too. Before you know it, drinking enough water each day has become a positive habit—a goal you’ve reached. Once that’s in place, you’ll be ready to take on one of the others on your “Get healthy” list.

Why Routine Is Good for You

You’ll hear people refer to routine as being dull or boring. It implies that life is the same from one day to the next. However, routines are a great way to get your work done. It’s also a great means for teams to work together towards a common goal. When everyone has an understanding of what needs to get done, i.e., what routines each team member needs to perform, projects tend to run smoother.

 

We also have routines in our society. In some ways, laws can be considered routines. You know that you aren’t supposed to run a red light and that can be thought of as a routine. When you come to a red light, you stop as best as you can. There may be instances when you accidentally go through one here or there. But most people will stop for red lights. And this is good to reduce accidents.

 

You set up routines for your kids in the form of chores. You know that certain tasks need to get done each week. Many parents tie kids’ allowances on these chores. When the kids finish their chores, they receive their allowances. It teaches the kids a work ethic. They need to perform tasks, and when they complete those tasks, they receive money for them.

 

When you pay bills, you tend to have a routine for this. Some people like to get everything sorted on one day and pay all the bills on that day. Others will pay them whenever they receive them. Others, still, will set up their payments to be paid automatically by their bank or brokerage. There isn’t a right answer for how to do this. Whatever works for you is the right answer. However, the method you choose will be routine.

 

Contrast this to people who don’t have routines to manage their lives. They tend to handle tasks when the mood strikes them. These people are usually late with their bills and have messy environments. Some of these people will say that this way of life works for them. However, for most people this is chaos. It’s something that can easily be avoided by setting up routines for the tasks you need to complete. 

 

Of course, people are not robots. Hence, they do break up their routines on occasion. You may use weekends to do activities that you don’t get to do during the work week. Also, many families use vacations to help break up their routines.

 

4 Societal Norms You Must Break to Be True to Yourself

When is a rule, not a rule? 

 

We grow up thinking many things are set in stone. There are rules all around us. Some for fire safety. Some to protect our possessions. Some to keep things the way they've always been.

 

What becomes more complicated is the idea of societal norms. A societal norm is a way people behave, which has become so familiar people think of them as rules when in truth, they are not. 

 

So, while we're toeing the line, and there might be a time and place for this, sometimes it can do more harm than good, especially when it comes to doing what's right for the sake of your mental health and emotional well-being.

 

How do you know which societal norms you must break to be true to yourself? Think about these things: 

 

This is the Way It's Always Been Done

 

It seems no matter what you're talking about, trying to convince someone they should do something different is always an uphill battle. After all, it's always easier to keep things exactly as they are. Change is difficult. Which is why it's hard to convince ourselves sometimes just how much success relies on change. You can't get anywhere at all if you're always doing the same thing over and over.

 

It's Expected

 

Everyone has expectations. Our parents might put certain educational expectations on us. Our friends expect us to do what they're doing, especially when it comes to marrying or having kids. Even our significant other expects us to behave in specific ways sometimes. The problem? When we live to other's expectations, we forget to stay true to ourselves. Maybe we don't want college or kids. Or our picture of success is entirely different from someone else's. 

 

Mirror Images

 

We should all be exactly alike. Right? Sometimes it seems this way. We discourage those who are different from the norm and even make fun of them for being odd or eccentric. How does this make you feel when you want to do something a little 'different' from everyone else? It takes courage to stop being a mirror image of those around you. 

 

It's What You See

 

We love movies, tv; the internet…we also love to listen to what media tells us about absolutely everything. We make celebrities our role models and take for gospel truth information from the sketchiest of sources sometimes. Isn't it better to think for yourself and decide what's right and wrong?

 

Forget societal norms. They were created by people like you who got tired of whatever the old status quo used to be. Life isn't supposed to be this hard. Keep things simple by staying true to yourself, and your life will be so much happier.

 

Communication Skills

The word communication is a general word in its meaning. It could take on many roles, depending on the use and context. It also has many formats as its delivery mechanism. You can listen to music or watch videos, or you can read a book. Conversations are forms of communications as well.

 

Because of the general aspects of communication, it’s difficult to imagine formulating it into a skill. But it is possible, and many colleges offer majors in communication, which elevates the field. It’s not necessary to study at a four-year college to enhance your skills of communication. It takes basic knowledge and some practice.

 

The biggest skill you can use to communicate better is to listen. People are not natural listeners as they are focused on themselves. It’s how we are wired. We will always put ourselves first. Part of that is a survival mechanism. But, because of our self-serving nature, listening to others is secondary and requires us to put effort into being better listeners.

 

To increase your ability to listen to others, the next time you are speaking with someone, repeat back everything they say. That may be a little unnerving to them, at first. But, if they look at you with a bewildered look, explain that you are just making sure you understood what they said. Once they get past the awkwardness, they will welcome the exchange.

 

The next step towards better communication is to use simple language. When you want others to understand your meaning, you need to make sure everyone will understand the words. People have different levels of education. Therefore, you want to use the lowest common denominator when speaking to everyone. You should not view this as a means of looking down at others. Your goal is to make sure you are understood. Speaking and writing in basic language is the best way to accomplish this.

 

You must consider the feelings of the people with who you're communicating. Even if you are a manager, barking orders at people is one of the least effective ways. Consider everyone’s opinions and needs. Keep people engaged in the communication platform. This way they take ownership in the process. That is a massive benefit for excellent communication. You will get more out of people when this happens than merely rattling off commands as if they are robots. There are some instances, such as the military, where shouting out orders is necessary. But, these are the exception, not the rule.

 

5 Tips for Having Difficult Conversations with your Partner

You love your partner, but sooner or later, a tough conversation needs to happen. While this is normal, (after all, what relationship doesn’t have its bumps along the way) how you handle those conversations will determine whether you come away from this particular conflict with a stronger appreciation for each other. This is why it’s so important to handle difficult conversations well. 

 

How do you ensure you engage in the best conversation possible in these circumstances?

 

Start with Not Putting Off the Talk Longer than Necessary

 

Take time to count to ten or to take a few deep breaths before beginning. After all, starting with too much emotion will be more damaging than helpful. Once you’re cooled down though, it’s time to talk. Why is it better sooner rather than later? By putting things off, you tend to build up resentment and inflate the conflict. It’s important to address situations before they get out of hand. A small problem today is much easier to solve than a giant one several weeks from now.

 

Drop the Good News / Bad News Approach

 

No one likes waiting for the other shoe to drop, so instead of giving the compliment with a ‘but’ lurking to negate everything you’ve just said, just come out and say the bad news first. If you’re determined to add in the compliment, do so after the bad stuff is out of the way, so you leave the person on a more positive note.

 

Plan Your Conversation

 

Rather than blindside your partner with an uncomfortable discussion, let them know you have something you want to talk about. Make it clear you’re wanting to discuss something that affects your feelings, rather than starting out in an attack. There’s a vast difference between, “I’d like to talk to you sometime about your drinking” vs. “I’d like to talk to you about how I feel when I see you drinking so heavily.” 

 

What Are Your Goals?

 

In any heavy conversation, you need to agree at some point on common goals. Working toward the same thing will help you find your way through the conversation to that eventual place.

 

Keep a Positive Spirit

 

Aim for optimism. Even if the conversation isn’t going how you would like it to, finding something to hope for will soften the outcome no matter what. 

 

Difficult conversations are just that: Difficult. But having a plan in place will help you to get through them. Use these steps to build the framework of your conversation, and even if the outcome is bad, getting there won’t be as difficult as you think. 

 

Top Tips for Resolving Conflicts in Your Relationships

No matter how much you like the other person, at some point, conflict is likely to happen. While most conflicts are fairly small (like trying to decide where to go out for dinner), left untended a conflict can fester and grow. That’s why it’s so important to resolve conflicts in your relationships before they have a chance to take on a life of their own.

 

How do you go about doing that?

 

1. Start by listening. But don’t just listen to the spoken words, but the feelings behind them. It’s the emotions that drive the conversation after all! By listening actively, meaning pausing to ask questions, clarify, and to reiterate what you think the other person is saying, you tell the other person that what they have to say matters. But more importantly, you’re letting them know that they’re being heard.

 

2. Look for the resolution over being right. Giving up the notion that you have to ‘win’ is where you start seeing the solutions. Conflict is not a competition.

 

3. Stay in the moment. Instead of focusing on what happened that brought you into this conflict, pay attention to what’s going on right now. Now isn’t the time for blame. Rather look for solutions.

 

4. Decide what’s important right now. That is called ‘picking your battles’ and is important in determining whether a thing is worth fighting over. Ask yourself if this is just an issue over a minor annoyance that will be easily forgotten, or if you have something deeper going on that maybe needs to be addressed.

 

5. Know how and when to disengage. That means being able to do what it takes to walk away. It might be forgiveness is in order. It might be that you’re just going to need to agree to disagree. Worst case scenario? It might be time just to let the matter go entirely. Whatever the case, there’s nothing to be gained by staying in the conflict. 

 

Resolving conflicts isn’t a hard skill to learn. By following these tips, you will discover how better to deal with conflict in every kind of relationship – whether business or personal. So, take heart – a misunderstanding doesn’t have to mean the end of the world. Instead look at your conflict as a step toward better understanding that will, in turn, lead to better relationships in the long run.