Top Tips for Resolving Conflicts in Your Relationships

No matter how much you like the other person, at some point, conflict is likely to happen. While most conflicts are fairly small (like trying to decide where to go out for dinner), left untended a conflict can fester and grow. That’s why it’s so important to resolve conflicts in your relationships before they have a chance to take on a life of their own.

 

How do you go about doing that?

 

1. Start by listening. But don’t just listen to the spoken words, but the feelings behind them. It’s the emotions that drive the conversation after all! By listening actively, meaning pausing to ask questions, clarify, and to reiterate what you think the other person is saying, you tell the other person that what they have to say matters. But more importantly, you’re letting them know that they’re being heard.

 

2. Look for the resolution over being right. Giving up the notion that you have to ‘win’ is where you start seeing the solutions. Conflict is not a competition.

 

3. Stay in the moment. Instead of focusing on what happened that brought you into this conflict, pay attention to what’s going on right now. Now isn’t the time for blame. Rather look for solutions.

 

4. Decide what’s important right now. That is called ‘picking your battles’ and is important in determining whether a thing is worth fighting over. Ask yourself if this is just an issue over a minor annoyance that will be easily forgotten, or if you have something deeper going on that maybe needs to be addressed.

 

5. Know how and when to disengage. That means being able to do what it takes to walk away. It might be forgiveness is in order. It might be that you’re just going to need to agree to disagree. Worst case scenario? It might be time just to let the matter go entirely. Whatever the case, there’s nothing to be gained by staying in the conflict. 

 

Resolving conflicts isn’t a hard skill to learn. By following these tips, you will discover how better to deal with conflict in every kind of relationship – whether business or personal. So, take heart – a misunderstanding doesn’t have to mean the end of the world. Instead look at your conflict as a step toward better understanding that will, in turn, lead to better relationships in the long run.

 

5 Tips for Better, Healthier Boundaries

We all have boundaries. Maybe you don’t feel like you do, because of many times past when people have overrun you. Somewhere around the umpteenth time of being taken advantage of, of being ignored about your own needs, and treated as though your time is not valuable, you start to believe that you’ve lost whatever boundaries you had.

 

The good news is, you can re-create your boundaries, and make them stronger and healthier than ever before. How? Read on for a quick list of five tips to jumpstart your life and put it on track for a happier you.

 

1. Permit yourself to start over. While this step seems obvious, there are quite a few reasons for it. First, by telling yourself it’s ok to set boundaries, you’re declaring that you’re important enough even to have them. But also, in acknowledging that it’s ok to start over, you’re not getting hung up on the past. That is you, taking control. Embrace it!

 

2. Pay attention. Here’s where you start getting into the details of who you are and who you want to be. How have people taken advantage of you in the past? Where have you wished there were boundaries? What do you need to do to establish them now? Be mindful of your feelings. Look for the disappointment and anger. What has set those off? Chances are those are places where the boundaries need the most work. You’ll find that self-awareness is key to your success so don’t be afraid to dig into your emotions.

 

3. Where have you been? And where are you now? Chances are a lot of what you feel about boundaries came from your wiring as a child. If no one respected your space growing up, it’s hard to ask people to respect it now. Examine the boundaries of your childhood and compare them to the boundaries of today. What’s lacking? What needs work? It might be that some of the things you find make boundary setting particularly difficult in some situations. Don’t be afraid to ask for help either with a counselor or therapist to work through some of that old baggage.

 

4. Take care of yourself. When you’re not feeling well, it’s nearly impossible to be firm in your boundaries. Being strong and healthy gives you the energy needed to put your foot down when you need to. With that in mind, taking care of yourself not only makes sense, but it is also necessary for future success. Remember the basics: Eat healthy, exercise, and get enough sleep every night.

 

5. Speak up. There’s going to be pushback when you set boundaries. Having healthy boundaries means that you put the work in to maintain them. That means saying ‘no’ when you need to. By being assertive you not only protect those boundaries, but you also tell the world that you have something to say. Need help? Enlist a support team who can cheer you on when you’re flagging – and who aren’t afraid to point out when you’re starting to slip. Sometimes we all need some tough love, especially when we’re pushing for better, healthier boundaries.

 

By following these steps, you’re not only drawing a line in the sand; you’re taking control of your life. Healthy boundaries are meant to protect you so that you have room to grow and become the person you always knew you could be. But first, you have to begin. So, why are you waiting? Aren’t you ready for that new improved you?

 

Take the Randomness Out of the Day

By putting yourself on a schedule or keeping a strict routine, there’s less room for surprises which might be frustrating. Keep the randomness out by creating a schedule including even the more mundane tasks in your day, such as brushing your teeth.

 

Ask if It’s Worth Fighting For

 

Frustration comes when you’re trying to control something out of your grasp. Ask yourself if this is a battle worth pursuing, or can you let this one go?

 

Practice Conscious Listening

 

A lot of frustrations come when we’re not communicating well with someone else. Slow down. Listen to what the other person is saying. Reiterate their position showing you’re clear on what they’re saying. Take time to think about your response, making sure you’re both clear on what you’re trying to say.

 

Find Release

 

Frustration brings up adrenaline levels. Punch a pillow, work out, clean the house. Do something physical to release pent-up energy. 

 

When you manage your frustration, you’re free to become a calmer, happier person. Don’t let daily frustrations run you down. Stay calm and work these tips, and you’ll soon see a change in how you’re able to deal with life and face the world. 

8 Steps to Reduce Daily Frustrations

Frustration comes in many forms. Unfortunately, you’ll find that even small things can get under your skin, especially when they pile up. How do you keep from letting daily frustrations rule your life?

 

Examine the Frustration

 

First, you need to determine whether this is a common frustration or a symptom of something bigger. What’s going on? How are you reacting? If you’re finding yourself overreacting to the frustration, it might be that the stress you’re feeling doesn’t have to do with frustration at all. If that’s the case, you’ll want to address the bigger problem. However, you can easily manage small frustrations.

 

Know the Cause

 

Once you’ve determined what the frustration is, take some time to understand why the situation is frustrating to you. If you’re unsure, you might want to spend some time in thought, or even putting your words on paper to understand this better.

 

Ask Whether Your Frustration is Misplaced

 

If you think the cause of the frustration is you, ask yourself why that is. Your response will tell you a lot. If words like “stupid” or “lazy” come up, you’re likely responding to some trigger that has nothing to do with you. Not every frustration has a clear cause or solution. Sometimes things happen outside your control, and you need just to let them go.

 

Adjust your Timing

 

No one can deal with frustration when they’re tired, and energy is lagging. Take care of frustrations when you’re at peak energy and ability. For example, if you’re not a morning person, save frustrating tasks for the afternoon. 

 

5 Essential Tips for Managing Frustration

Not everyone knows how to manage frustration well. It’s not taught in schools (though it should be) and our parents weren’t always the best examples. Even if you’re among the fortunate few who grew up around people who never seemed frustrated, chances are we never learned how to channel our frustration into something positive or good. 

 

Managing frustration isn’t impossible. These five essential tips will help you keep your cool, even in the most frustrating of circumstances.

 

Take a Step Back

 

The smartest thing you should do when feeling frustrated is to take a step back. Breathe. Don’t react. Take a minute to distance yourself from the situation so you can ask what just happened and try to figure out an answer. By stepping outside of the situation, you can see things more objectively. Ask if there are pros or cons to this situation. Remind yourself if you’ve been here before, and you’ve gotten out of it unscathed. Even if this is new territory for you, chances are it wasn’t for someone else. Remind yourself you will survive this challenge.

 

Embrace the Emotion – Then Let Go

 

When you’re frustrated, you’re pulling a lot of emotion into a situation. Your first reaction might be to suppress these feelings. Rather than pushing down and trying to ignore them, identify what you’re feeling, then allow yourself to feel it before letting it go. That keeps emotions from controlling the situation.

 

Act When Calm

 

When you think you’re outside the emotions and able to act rationally, do just that. You should make all decisions from your logical self, not the emotional one. The goal is to respond to a frustrating situation, not react.

 

Identify What You Wanted in the First Place

 

Frustration tends to happen when you’re not getting something you want. What triggered this frustration? Was this a want or a need? If it’s a want, is it practical or reasonable? Or is this something you need to let go?

 

Make a Choice

 

In the end, frustration only leaves you with two choices: accept the status quo, even If it’s painful, or change the situation to ease the frustration. Decide which it’s going to be. If you’re going with the status quo, you have to accept the frustration as being part of this decision and learn to live with it or let it go. 

 

Managing frustration isn’t hard so long as you can stay out of the emotions of the moment. Keep a handle on yourself and take the time to think things through. Then act as needed. 

 

Fight Your Inner Critic

There is a voice inside your head that tells you when you do something wrong. It acts as a filter of sorts and is needed to help you survive. It alerts you when you are running late, and tells you to get to work and stop slacking off. But, sometimes it can be too harsh for your wellbeing.

 

When this happens, it’s time to fight your inner critic. You need to take it down a notch or two. You don’t want to silence that critic completely, but you do want to teach it some balance. After all, you can’t be wrong 100% of the time.

 

Why do you have this inner voice that can be overly critical? It is a protection mechanism to help guide you through your journey in life. Sometimes it shouts at you to let you know you are in danger. Other times, it can let you know what you should say or not say in social situations.

 

This inner critic has also lived a lifetime of negativity. It sees you watching the news or listens in on conversations you have with others. This constant barrage of negativity has helped it build into the cynic that it currently is.

 

Your inner critic also has your parents and childhood teachers on its side. After all, you spent your entire childhood listening to these authorities telling you what you are not allowed to do. The inner critic scooped up that information. And it was reinforced for years.

 

It’s time to temper that inner critic. It has gone on for too long with unchecked power. It won’t be easy since it has had control of you all your life. But, you can take some steps to curb its impact.

 

You need to start using positive affirmations. Do this consistently, preferably on a daily basis. But, you can get away with weekly if that's all the time you have. Be prepared for resistance from your inner critic. Your inner critic may not have been talked back to for years. It usually has the run of things so be aware of that.

 

You need to start paying attention to the messages the inner critic is giving you. It may be worth it to jot them down on a piece of paper. Evaluate those messages frequently and decide if it is giving you the right advice. You will find that often it isn’t. When you make this discovery, it’s time for you to make some changes.

 

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

You are different from everyone else. Celebrate that. You offer a unique perspective in this game called life. We should all be thanking you. If you are constantly comparing yourself, it means you aren’t happy with who you are. Why is that?

 

People are brought up to conform to society. If you don’t fit within society’s norms, you are looked upon disapprovingly. However, most people aren’t normal in the truest sense of the word. Everyone has quirks and idiosyncrasies. It’s these differences that allow us to find solutions to problems. It also keeps us from getting bored. Imagine if everyone were truly the same. There would be nothing new to discover about one another.

 

There are some reasons to conform. For instance, you need to follow the rules and laws of your country and community. Otherwise, you will suffer consequences for not doing so. Also, you want to treat others with respect so that they will hopefully return that respect. However, if you try to act in ways in which others believe you should, you aren’t going to live your life to the fullest.

 

That’s why you should get out of the habit of comparing yourself to others. When you do this, you are likely setting unrealistic expectations and will lead you to be disappointed. Comparing yourself to others will result in you resenting those people. They have their reasons for being the way they are, and it has nothing to do with you.

 

There are qualities you admire in others. There is nothing wrong with trying to adopt some of those admirable qualities for yourself. However, it shouldn’t get to the point where you are trying to redefine who you are to be like those people you admire. You aren’t them, and you never will be.

 

You have but a short time on this planet. If you spend most of that time trying to be like someone else, you are in for a rough ride. If you stick to who you are and find others willing to accept you for that, you are going to be more satisfied for most of that time you live. Others will be happier with the real you as well. You won’t be a pretender. People see right through that kind of behavior. Just think about others who are not true to themselves. How long does it take you to see through that disguise?

Tips for Living Your Best Year

Although most of the world see a new year as a time to make massive changes in their lives, it’s the daily choices that lead to lasting change. That’s why New Year’s Resolutions are so ineffectual. This year, you can start and finish strong by making better choices each day. Here are some tips for making sure this is your best year ever.

 

Break It Down — whether you want to save for a dream home, start a business or get healthier, you need to recognize it’s going to take time. Our desire for instant gratification can lead us to give up before we even really get started pursuing our goals. Chose the one big thing you want to have by the end of the year and then break down the steps you’ll need to take to make it happen. Then break them down even further. Come up with small tasks that you can complete daily in only 10-30 minutes. That will not only help you see the goal as a journey (so you don’t give up too soon), but it also makes the goal easier to tackle.

 

Track Your Time — we’re all busy. But many people use busyness as an excuse for keeping the status quo, even when they say they want to change. One simple way to find “wasted time” in your schedule is to track it. For at least three days, keep track of what you do all day long. You can use an app, spreadsheet, or a simple notepad to keep track. You’ll soon start to notice you spend more time watching TV, playing games, and checking social media than you would have thought. Once you are aware of this wasted time, chose you instead. Use that time to research career programs, enjoy a hobby, or spend more time with family. Whatever your goal is this year, choosing to spend your time working on it each day will make sure you end the year where you want to be.

 

Redesign Your Life — Most of us sleepwalk through life more often than we care to admit. If you want to live a happier, more fulfilling life, take stock of what makes you happy. What brings you joy and makes you feel alive? Now, redesign your life to make sure those things are a part of it. Look back at your time-tracking list (from above). What obligations and expectations can you modify or delete entirely, so you live a life full of joy and purpose. Make a conscious decision to choose living life to the fullest every day.

Take Stock to Start Your Year on The Right Foot

Too often we charge in when it would be better to assess where we are first. It can be painful to look back to see our mistakes and shortcomings. And yet, it’s the best way to determine what we need to do to make significant changes in our lives. Before you prepare to start the new year with loads of new resolutions and goals, take some time to reassess your life in these different areas.

 

Obligations — Ever wish you had more time for what was genuinely important to you? Now’s the time to make that change. And the first step is by looking at all the things you’ve taken on that no longer feel important. Consider each committee, sponsorship, extended family and friend obligations that no longer feel fun. If they feel like a burden, it’s time to unload them. That may feel challenging. After all, no one wants to let others down. But this is your life, and it’s time to choose you instead of others’ wants.

 

Finances — If you wish you had more money but can’t or don’t want to work more to get it, take a careful look at your finances. Quite often, little wants turn into needs. Scan through last year’s bank statements and make a note of any recurring payments. You may wince when you see how much you’ve spent on unnecessary things throughout the year. Having occasional treats for you and your family is okay. But if “shopping therapy” has become a burden, now’s the time to fix it. Make a list of all the ways you could cut back without feeling deprived. For example, could you eat out two nights a week instead of four? Is it essential that you shop for clothes every month? How much could you save if you took your lunch to work three days a week instead of getting take-out? Do you find it fun to have four bazillion TV channels? These are just a few ways you can trim expenses, so you can save for things that matter to you instead.

 

Dreams and Goals — Many people site not enough time or not enough money as the reason why they stay in dead-end jobs, don’t pursue their passions, or make real changes in their lives. If that was you and you’ve taken our advice and re-evaluated your obligations and finances, those excuses should no longer be holding you back. So, what do you want really? To go back to school and start a new career? Turn your side-hustle or hobby into a business? Purchase and cook homemade, whole foods that support your health and wellness? By choosing to make those two changes in your life, you’ve now opened up a whole new world for yourself. Grab it, and don’t look back!