6 Strategies to Challenge Your Inner Critic’s Voice

It’s time you cultivated an attitude. 

 

Look, life can be hard sometimes. The last thing you need is your Inner Critic taking the wheel, getting on your case about every last little thing you’re trying to do. Why are you listening to someone who doesn’t have your best interest at heart? No, it’s time to challenge your Inner Critic and silence their voice once and for all. 

 

How? Try these tried and true strategies:

 

Start Noticing

 

Inner Critics like to whisper, never to speak out loud. The last thing they want is to be noticed in their nefarious schemes. By paying attention to what’s going on in your head, you draw their lies out into the light where they cannot stand. 

 

Give it a Nickname

 

Whenever the Inner Critic speaks up, give it a silly name. Think to yourself things like “Hey, it’s Moldyvort, back again to cause trouble.” By making fun of this voice, it’s a whole lot harder to take seriously.

 

What about a Voice?

 

Do you hear some pretty negative things? Try saying them out loud. By giving voice to these thoughts, you’ll hear just how ridiculous they sound. 

 

Take a Negativity Break

 

Tell your Inner Critic they can only come out to play at a particular time each day. During that time, take a break and tell the Inner Critic to do their worst. Be sure to set a timer for the space allotted, so you don’t give more time to the negativity than necessary. Sit back and let it speak its piece. The funny thing? Most of the time, you won’t even remember what it was the Critic had to say by the time your negativity break rolls around. Even if you do, when the timer goes off, remind yourself you’re done and walk away. 

 

Question Everything

 

Is there any truth to what your Inner Critic is saying? Examine the statements. Feel free to argue back. Point out the flaws in the reasoning and back it up with examples of times when you’ve proven those things aren’t true.

 

Replace the Words

 

Finally, drop the negative words entirely and rewrite the script to turn each negative into a positive. For example, saying, “I’m terrible at writing reports” can become “I did a great job on the last report I wrote. I bet this one will be fine too.”

 

Remember, silencing an Inner Critic is going to take time and energy. This kind of voice doesn’t just shut up because you told them to go away once. No, you’re going to have to do the work, using these strategies until you’re finally free of the nasty little voice.

 

Once you’ve got it, though? Your world will change enormously in some pretty great ways. After all, without your critic to hold you back, you’re primed for success in a huge way.

Live Your Truth, Grow Your Self-Worth

Living a happy life is everyone’s goal. Who doesn’t want to feel good about themselves? And yet so many of us live a life of self-doubt, feeling undeserving or incapable, or wishing we were walking another path.

 

However, living a happy life, being a happy person, is a matter of how you perceive yourself and your place in the world. You can “think yourself happy” by taking action, being honest about yourself, your patterns of thinking, and being open to your capacity to change. Self-knowledge is the key to living a happy life. And that means living your truth, not other people’s truth, or what society tells you is your truth. 

 

Socrates famously said that the unexamined life is not worth living. An ongoing process of self-analysis and self-examination leading to greater understanding and self-knowledge is also the basis for most of the world’s religions and belief systems for a good reason. If you don’t know who you are, you're not your true self in the world. If this is the case, you’re living a passive life, reacting to whatever comes along instead of taking control. Living unconsciously like this is living half asleep, and if you’re half asleep, you can’t be your best you.

 

Living an authentic life does not mean going off the grid. It does mean a daily practice of being honest about how you’re feeling and why, and reminding yourself that you are in control of how you feel. It means being clear about what your values and beliefs are – what “rules” you live your life by. Are your values yours, or have you absorbed them from other people in your life? Do they still fit with the life you want to lead? 

 

Five steps to living a more authentic life:

 

1.    Be clear about how you want your life to be right now and where you want to go. Understand and live by your values and beliefs. 

 

2.    Be aware of yourself and how you react and interact with other people, situations, events, the world.

 

3.    Set and maintain conscious boundaries. Be clear in your mind and be at peace with what you can and can’t control.

 

4.    Be okay with imperfection in yourself and others. Be objective about your weaknesses so that you can improve upon them without letting them get you down.

 

5.    Be kind and forgiving to yourself and others.

 

Living your truth means taking responsibility for your life and building a deep self-knowledge that will ultimately lead to contentment and happiness. 

 

5 Tips for Keeping Your Self-Talk Positive on a Daily Basis

There are certain things we do (or should do) every day without thinking. We need to be brushing our teeth and drinking enough water. We ought to be eating healthy and remembering to exercise. If we’re really on task, we might also be doing something to expand our minds or work toward a specific goal.

 

Now consider this: of everything, what would you say the single most important thing you do is?

 

Chances have you answered something to do with sleeping properly or taking care of your physical health. Believe it or not, there’s something even more critical, and it has to do with your self-talk.

 

Maintaining a positive inner dialogue, also known as positive self-talk is the one thing which is going to motivate everything else you do. It’s when you’re positive that you put in the effort to take care of yourself. When you encourage yourself, those tremendous big goals (not to mention all the small ones) become possible. Think of positive self-talk as the gas, which makes the car move.

 

With so much riding on what you’re saying to yourself, how do you keep positive daily? Try following these five tips:

 

Know Your Triggers

 

Certain people, places, and situations are going to raise up an instant series of negative self-talk messages. Knowing what those are in advance helps you to defuse the situation before it gets out of hand. Ask yourself what you can do to avoid those triggers? What statements can you use to combat the messages which always come up when you’re triggered?

 

Do an Inventory

 

Periodically check your inner dialogue. Is it getting negative? Pay attention to the signs telling you things are going downhill. Being mindful helps you to insert positive dialogue cues as needed to keep things on an even keel.

 

Laugh

 

It’s impossible to stay negative when laughing. Looking for the humor in situations helps you to stay positive.

 

Hang with the Right Crowd

 

It’s easy to have your mood affected by those around you. By sticking around positive people, you’ll find upbeat energy tends to rub off. 

 

Find Inspiration

 

Creating positive affirmations and daily repeating them starts the process of integrating specific thoughts into your dialogue. Keep these affirmations where you can see them. Leave notes to yourself inviting you to read those words again and again until they become part of who you are.

 

Engaging in daily positive self-talk is the one habit you want to spend time creating. There is no substitute for this kind of dialogue, which means you’re going to need to put in the effort until these actions become automatic. When you reach that point, you’re going to see some real positive change. 

5 Brain Hacks to Build Your Belief in Yourself

There's just aren’t enough hours in the day to do everything you want. We find ourselves caught up in a slew of obligations involving everything from work to taking care of our families. In the end, who has time to better themselves?

 

Or are there enough hours after all?

 

If your self-belief is dragging, the last thing you need is to put yourself on the back burner. Why? Because you need self-belief if you’re going to succeed in your life. Thankfully, there’s help. Keep reading to discover five brain hacks guaranteed to build your belief in yourself, without taking up a lot of your extra time.

 

Affirmations

 

You’ve probably already seen a lot about positive affirmations, mostly because they actually work! By writing out several statements to encourage yourself, and then making an honest effort to read them daily (especially out loud) you’ll find after a while, you start believing them. How to make them work with minimal effort? Write them on sticky notes and place them around your house where you’ll find as you go about your daily life. Make a point of reading them when you find them.

 

Work Your Subconscious

 

The beauty of our brains is we don’t always realize how much is being processed without our awareness. Put positive reminders around that trigger feelings of confidence and contentment. Won an award? Hang it where you can see it. That letter of commendation? Why not frame it?

 

Journal

 

We process things better when we write them down. Keep a journal and write about the things you’ve accomplished each day. Add in what inspires you, and notes toward positive growth. Re-read previous passages to remind you of how far you’ve come.

 

Watch the Talk

 

If that internal voice is what’s getting you down, it’s time to tell your inner critic to shut up and find somewhere else to live. Put a stop to negative self-talk. Instead, substitute more positive variations on what’s being said. Replace lies with truths about how much you’ve already done, and how awesome you truly are.

 

Meditate

 

You don’t have to dedicate an hour for meditation to be effective. Taking even 10 or fifteen minutes to empty your mind and relax will help you focus inward. If you have a little more time, try a guided meditation, focusing on one of your affirmations for an extra positive jolt.

 

None of these items has to take long to be effective. The key is to repeat these steps daily until they become a habit. Before you know it, your confidence will rise. Self-belief is ready to open the door to a more productive, happy, and successful life.

 

How Self-Image Determines Your Success

You may have heard of the best-selling book, Psycho Cybernetics, by Maxwell Maltz, M.D., F.I.C.S. Today’s field of psychology considers the book to be one of the most important ever written. It’s a refreshing look at self-image and how you can change your life by re-programming the mechanism in your brain that controls your behavior – and thoughts.

 

Maltz’s theory is that there is a vivid distinction between the brain and the mind – the brain being the ‘machine’ that causes you to function and the mind being a life force that compels you to use your brain and body to achieve goals and rise to success.

 

“Cybernetic” is taken from the Greek word for ‘steersman’ and today the term is usually used it to refer to how machines and animals control and communicate. For example, a computer is a sophisticated machine that organizes itself to perform a function. Maltz maintains that you can’t reduce yourself to a machine because you have the ability to know yourselves and what makes you tick. 

 

It’s a fact that those with low self-esteem rarely rise to the top rungs of success. Unless you recognize when you’re being overly critical with your thinking process, the low self-image will keep plaguing you throughout your life and keep you from the success you could have had.

 

Understanding how your low self-image developed will help you know how to rid yourself of the negative thoughts and actions so that you’ll feel more accepting of yourself.

 

Combating a lifetime of self-criticism isn’t easy, but with books such as Psycho Cybernetics and other help available online and in other books and counseling today you can overcome low self-esteem by the method of alternative thoughts.

 

Negative thoughts about yourself and your abilities are habits that are self-defeating and need to be separated from who you really are. You can learn to replace them with a better and more uplifting image of yourself.

 

There are many methods that can help you with your quest to improve your self-image. One method doesn’t fit all, so take your time to look over the various ways that you can begin to enjoy a more vital self-image and perhaps combine several to see which works best for you.

 

It won’t happen overnight – like any bad habit, self-defeating thoughts must be dealt with every moment of every day until the bad habit is replaced with a good one – and one that will improve your self-image.

 

Decision Trees Can Help You Make Decisions

Decision trees are tools used by people to help them make confident decisions. It helps them layout several alternatives in a tree-like format. They can see most, if not all, the decisions available and can even set a rating on each choice.

 

The concept of a decision tree is an extension of a mind map. A mind map lets you create ideas and connections to those ideas. The decision tree is much like this concept except for a decision tree there is a score added to the branches of the tree. These scores often represent probabilities. If you have three choices, you may assign two branches with 40% probabilities, and the third branch would receive a 20% probability. The total of the branches should add up to 100%. However, it is your decision tree, so you are free to use whatever allocations you like if any. If your system makes sense to you, then it is correct.

 

Some project managers use decision trees to determine the costs of projects. When they assign probabilities to branches, they’ll multiply the total budget by that probability. For instance, if a branch has a probability of 35% and the total budget is $100,000, the branch will be estimated to cost $35,000 (35% x 100,000).

 

Decision trees don’t have to be this intricate to be useful. You can use them to list out the alternatives for a decision and end your efforts there. You can also choose to update the percentage of completion for the path that you select. Again, there are no right answers when using a decision tree for your purposes.

When others rely on your decision tree, and you are formally calling it a decision tree, you may need to follow the protocol of assigning probabilities and figuring out the percentage cost. However, if the group agrees to other conventions, then again, that is the right answer for the group. A decision tree is simply a way to convey information to yourself or a team, etc.

 

Decision trees will have a certain amount of subjectivity associated with them. In most cases, coming up with probabilities is quite subjective. It’s only through experience that you’ll be able to refine the probabilities. If the project you are working on is a one-time deal, you won’t get the benefit of refining those probabilities and will have to start over with a new set of subjective probabilities on the next project. However, some branches may carry over to the new project, and you’ll have a better feel for what to assign to those.

 

How to Avoid Analysis Paralysis

Data bombards you. We have more data than we ever did due to the internet and storage technologies such as the cloud. It’s great to slice the data every which way you can think of and create nice-looking reports that impress your managers. However, when it comes to decision making, you have to get to the point of making the decision. You’ll need to stop your data gathering and analysis and use what you have to decide.

 

Computers give you the ability to divide your data in a way that makes sense for you or your company. But, some people will spend hours deriving report after report, and none of them will get them any further in coming to a decision. They believe they need to see ten years of data instead of five. They need to see the impact of sales on each region, even though they are responsible only for one or two. 

 

Data is an important component in the decision-making process. It can let you know who are your customers, how much they have bought, and it can even tell you who your customers aren’t. Information is also important to make confident decisions. Without the information, you could be shooting in the dark, and that is as bad as having too much information. Probably worse.

 

To help you overcome the situation of analysis paralysis or paralysis by analysis as many will refer to it, speak to your boss or the people who are going to be impacted by the data and your decisions. Ask them what they need from the data, and structure the reports around that information. Don’t include any other data in the report. If you can’t defend the position based on the data they asked for, it doesn’t belong in the report.

 

Don’t be a hero when it comes to analysis. You may be tempted to show a different level of data to that required as it may show better insight. But, if it isn’t within the scope of your decision, save it for future analysis. It is okay to let managers know that further analysis is possible. They may even extend the deadline and the scope of the project due to this extra information. What’s more likely to happen, however, is they will increase the scope while keeping the deadline the same. In essence, you have just given yourself more work to do by letting them know about this extra data.

Are Spontaneous Decisions Always Bad?

When faced with decisions, you want to have the best information possible. Some people spend too much time trying to find as much information as they can, and they miss opportunities because of it. Information is a key component in decision making. However, sometimes, you simply have to decide and live with the decision without any information.

 

You don’t want others to view you as someone who makes rash decisions. You’ll lose credibility when you do this and people won’t take you seriously. However, you must prepare yourself for certain times where being decisive is necessary. For instance, you may be registering for classes at your college and discover that a few of the courses you were hoping to take are full. You are given other choices but are unsure of how that will fit into your overall plan. Do you enroll in those alternative classes?

 

You may decide to go for the classes. If they are part of your curriculum, you can always rework your plan so that they fit in. Talk to your academic advisor and ask how to proceed after taking this new path. Of course, you could always drop the classes if they don’t fit well.

 

The point is if a decision doesn't work out the wrong results can usually be fixed. Don’t be afraid to take the plunge. The shoe company Nike has a slogan that has worked for them for several decades now. That slogan is 'Just Do It!'

 

A structured living doesn't fit well with some people. They need the excitement that comes with making spontaneous decisions. Who is to say that their way is wrong? It may not work for others, but for them, it works quite well. You may know people who are like this and are envious of them.

 

That isn’t the same scenario as people who don’t do much with their lives. Spontaneous decision makers are often doing many activities. You can decide to do nothing, but you won’t get very far. Unless you are lucky enough to come from money and your parents are willing to give you that money, you will need to find something to do.

 

Most people will find a balance of decisions they make based on information and spontaneous decisions. The process of decision making becomes easier the more you do it. Therefore, when you need to make spontaneous decisions, it will not be as difficult after a while.

5 Steps to Embracing Your Loneliness

Loneliness is something most people try to avoid. But being alone is an inevitable part of life. It happens to everyone at some time or another. It is important to be able to separate solitude from loneliness and to understand what is behind your feelings so you can embrace being alone.

 

1. Work Out the Root Cause of Your Fear of Loneliness

 

Some scientists believe loneliness is a basic emotion on a par with fear and anger. For millions of years, survival relied on being part of a group; being alone was risky. But now, a fear of loneliness can keep us in toxic relationships, unfulfilling jobs, and bad marriages. Identify what’s behind your fear of loneliness, and you can start to work on it. 

2. Learn to Understand your Loneliness

 

Loneliness comes in many different guises. It can be temporary situational loneliness where you find yourself without company or help. Or you can be going through a life crisis that results in more extended social isolation. A relationship breakdown, losing your job, or being seriously ill can all make you feel completely cut off from love and support. 

 

3. Appreciate Solitude

 

Solitude is quite a different state from loneliness. Artists, philosophers, and writers over the centuries have sought out solitude to think deeply and widely and to create their best work. Solitude can be a comfort in an overcrowded life. When you are by yourself, you can expand into being your true self. 

 

4. Confront your Deepest Fears

 

Loneliness can be a product of the fundamental fear of separation that goes back to infancy. Separation means being vulnerable, having no one to rely on except yourself. This is the loneliness that realizes that in the end, there is nothing between you and the stars, no one to rescue you. That sort of existential fear can be scary. What are your deepest fears about being lonely? Identify them, acknowledge them, and take away some of their power over you. 

 

5. Use Self-Actualizing Practices to Overcome Loneliness

 

Techniques like yoga, tai chi, and meditation can help you reconnect with your deepest self. Sitting alone in meditation separates you from the negative thought spirals and feelings that can make you feel so miserable. 

 

A loving-kindness meditation practice can help you replace feelings of separation with feelings of love and connection. Give it a try:

 

• Sit quietly and focus on your breath. 

• Breathe in, think ‘May I be happy.’

• Breathe out, think ‘May I be loved.’

• Breathe in, think ‘May all my suffering be healed.’

• Breathe out, think ‘May I be at peace.’

 

Eventually, repeat the mantra, thinking of people who may be lonely at this time, replacing ‘I’ with ‘you.’

 

Finish by sending positive thoughts to all beings and repeating ‘May all beings be happy. May all beings be loved. May the suffering of all beings be healed. May all beings be at peace.’

 

This simple practice helps you feel connected to all of life whenever you do it.

 

5 Ways to Ensure Loneliness Doesn’t Turn into Depression

Everyone feels lonely from time to time. It’s a normal part of the human experience. But some people are more vulnerable to slipping from loneliness into depression. Or there can be hard times in your life when feeling lonely is only one step away from isolation and depression. 

 

People who are at risk of depression typically feel isolated and lonely; they have low self-esteem that can easily tip into more extreme feelings of self-blame and guilt, even self-disgust. And these negative thought patterns can lead to full-blown depression. If you’re having bad feelings about yourself, feeling lonely and worthless, here are some things you can do to head off the risk of depression. 

 

1. Boost Your Social Support Network

 

Isolation increases the tendency to self-blame. Connection and social contact can go a long way to helping you alleviate your loneliness and get a different perspective on the world. Reach out to friends, colleagues, and family to increase the positive connections in your life. 

 

2. Practice Mindfulness

 

Mindfulness helps you deal with what is in front of you right now. Developing a mindfulness practice can help you accept your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Simply by observing what is happening around you, focusing on what you can see, hear, feel, smell, and taste will help you break out of your negative thought patterns. 

 

3. Practice Self-Compassion

 

People who are caught up in feelings of negative self-worth are often extremely hard on themselves. Allow yourself a little imperfection. Be kind and change that internal monologue to one less punitive. 

 

4. Change Your Self-Talk

 

Have a look at your internal soundtrack. Are you full of self-recrimination? Do you magnify your flaws and faults? Now, would you talk to a friend like that? Rewrite that script into something more positive and self-affirming. If that is too hard to think about right now, try some of the books, apps, or websites that offer affirmations.

 

5. Use Emotional Reappraisal to Boost Your Self-Esteem

 

With a little practice, you can learn techniques to regulate your feelings and turn your self-esteem around. Depression often manifests in ruminating on the negatives in your life. You can use this focus to your advantage when you practice reappraisal.

 

Reappraisal is a cognitive-behavioral technique that allows you to reframe negative thoughts, flipping them to a more positive view. Instead of feeling paralyzed and crushed by life, you can take back control and develop more resilience. 

 

7 Types of Loneliness According to Psychologists

Loneliness is something you can’t avoid in life. There will be times when you feel lonesome, and you can live a happier life if you learn how to deal with it when it happens. To make that an easier process, psychologists have identified seven different types of loneliness.

 

1. ‘New Kid’ Loneliness

 

Like being the new kid at school, there are times in your life when you’re in a completely new situation. Whether it’s a new job, a new city, or a new school, you’re likely to feel lonely in the beginning.

 

2. Not Fitting in Loneliness

 

This is the loneliness that strikes when you feel different from the people around you. You may be an introvert in a team of extroverts. Maybe your values aren’t shared with the people around you. You feel separate and different. 

 

3. Lack of Romance Loneliness

 

When you don’t have a partner, it can seem like everyone else in the entire world has a significant other. Or maybe you do have a partner, but you feel disconnected. That’s lonely. 

 

4. Missing a Pet Loneliness

 

There’s no company like that of your pet. Maybe you’re missing your dog, cat, or gerbil. Pets can provide a special connection, and when it’s not there, you really miss it. 

 

5. Too Busy for Me Loneliness

 

There are times in your life when it feels like you’re not a priority for anyone. People get busy with their own lives and leave you feeling stranded and alone. 

 

6. Toxic Fringes Loneliness

 

Worse than busy friends are toxic ‘friends’ who get their energy from belittling you or making you feel inadequate. If you don’t feel supported by your friends, or you feel you can't really trust them, they are not good friends to have in your life. 

 

7. Lack of Company Loneliness

 

Sometimes loneliness can come simply from not having anyone to hang out with. Someone just to share space and be with. It doesn’t matter if you’re busy at work or are out partying every night. A lack of a quiet presence can make you feel deeply lonely. 

 

Once you've worked out what type of loneliness you’re feeling right now, you can take steps to address it. For example, if you’re missing having an animal in your life, you can adopt a pet or volunteer at the local animal rescue center. 

 

Make time in your life for meaningful relationships, not the ones that don’t feed your soul. Look for people you share values or interests with, and slowly you will make connections that will banish loneliness.