Common Blind Spots When Working on Self-Care

When it comes to working on self-care, all of us have different blind spots. These are basically aspects of our ourselves that aren’t fully aware of. It could be personality traits, feelings, or actions.

 

These blind spots can really hamper our self-care efforts. That is why it is so important to become fully aware of them. Here, we’ll look at some of the most common blind spots you may discover when working on self-care.

 

You avoid conflict

 

A lot of people hate conflict, but sometimes it is needed to resolve situations. If you tend to avoid conflict, it means you’ll often do or say things you don’t necessarily agree with. This is a common blind spot that can really derail your self-care efforts.

 

The trouble is, when you give in to others just to avoid conflict, it reduces your credibility. You’ll also find you are frequently miserable due to not standing firm in your own beliefs and values. So, if your blind spot is avoiding conflict, it’s important to address it. 

 

Not letting toxic people go

 

Do you have toxic people in your life you just can’t seem to let go of? Whether it is a friend, partner, or family member, associating with toxic people is going to really hurt your self-development. 

 

If you learn to let toxic people go, it’s going to significantly improve your life. You’ll be happier and much more able to make positive changes in your life. It’s hard to remain positive in life when you are surrounded by negativity. So, assess the relationships in your life and if there is a toxic person around you, work on distancing yourself and instead surround yourself with positive role models. 

 

You are continually late

 

Frequently running late might not sound like a problematic blind spot in self-care. However, it could be negatively impacting various aspects of your life. When you are known for being late, it lowers your trustworthiness. This can negatively impact your personal relationships, as well as lead to issues at work. 

 

In terms of self-care, this trait can make it harder to stick to certain changes you make. For example, you may find it more difficult to stick to a schedule you set yourself. 

 

Impatience

 

If you tend to be an impatient person, you may find self-care more challenging. This is because you won’t necessarily see any results overnight. It takes time to adopt new habits and see the benefits of self-care. So, if you’re impatient, you might give up before you’ve experienced the benefits of your hard work. 

 

When you are impatient, it makes you frustrated when you don’t see instant results. So, working on becoming more patient as you start your self-care journey is essential if you want to keep it up.

 

These are some of the most common blind spots you’ll experience when working on self-care. Identifying your blind spots will help you to reduce the challenges of self-care and make you much more likely to succeed with any changes you make.

 

Are Emotional Vampires Draining You Dry?

Is your energy constantly being drained by emotional vampires? The people around us affect how we feel and view the world. There are plenty of reasons why some people may drain your energy more than others. You could be dealing with a narcissist, or someone who complains most of the time.

 

If you have an emotional vampire draining you dry, it’s time to start protecting your energy. Below, you’ll discover how to recognize the signs of an emotional vampire, and the best ways to protect your energy.

 

Understanding The Different Types of Emotional Vampires

 

Emotional vampires come in a variety of forms. They include:

 

• Victims

• Narcissists

• Constant talkers

• Controllers

• Drama queens

 

Each type of emotional vampire will leave you feeling tired and deflated after being in their company. Victim emotional vampires are the people who always play the victim, even when they are the perpetrator. Narcissists are only interested in their own thoughts and feelings, while constant talkers drain your mental energy. 

 

Most of us know at least one type of emotional vampire in our lives. Not sure how to identify them? There are a few signs to watch out for…

 

Tell-Tale Signs You Are Dealing with An Emotional Vampire

 

There are several tell-tale signs that can help you decide if you’re dealing with an emotional vampire. The main signs to watch out for include:

• You feel mentally exhausted after spending time with them.

• You feel depressed or anxious around them.

• You feel like they are putting you down.

• You turn to comfort eating or drinking alcohol after being around them.

 

Everyone who encounters an emotional vampire will feel at least one of the things above. You basically don’t feel great when you spend time with them.

 

Protecting Your Energy

 

If you are dealing with an emotional vampire, how can you stop them from draining your energy? The good news is there are strategies you can use to deal with them. 

 

First, if you can, you should distance yourself from the person. Avoiding being around an emotional vampire is the best way to stop them negatively impacting you. However, this isn’t always possible. 

 

If you can’t distance yourself, make sure you are practicing self-care. Taking care of yourself will allow you to feel more confident to set healthy boundaries. You will naturally be more assertive and protective over your time. So, if you don’t already, set aside time every day to focus on you. Pamper yourself, take care of your own needs first, and watch how your energy and tolerance changes for negative people.

 

If you are really struggling to handle an emotional vampire in your life, you can also turn to therapy. Seeking help from a professional will enable you to understand why you can’t deal with the problem, as well as provide solutions that can help.

 

Emotional vampires are everywhere today. It isn’t always possible to get away from them immediately, but there are things you can do in the meantime to protect yourself and your energy.

 

Criticism Is Not Always Meant to Be Negative

Do you struggle to handle criticism? While some criticism does come from a negative place, most of the time it is meant with love and good intentions. Unfortunately, even if the person criticizing you is coming from a good place, it can still hurt. If you struggle to handle criticism, here we’ll look at why it isn’t always a negative thing. 

 

Differentiating Between Negative and Positive Criticism

 

There are a few ways to determine whether criticism is coming from a positive or negative place. It could be that you naturally respond badly to criticism of any kind. Many people are naturally defensive when they are met with criticism. So, the first step is to tame that initial negative reaction. 

 

Try and view the criticism with an open mind. Remember, none of us are perfect! Could there be any truth in what the person is saying? Also pay attention to how the criticism is delivered. Do they give a reason for their feedback, or does it appear that they are nit-picking just to be difficult?

 

Criticism can come from a negative place, but often it is said to help us improve. Being able to recognize when somebody is being helpful, or just negative, is important.

 

The Role of Self-Esteem 

 

Your self-esteem will largely determine how you react to criticism. The more confident you are, the less likely criticism is to affect you. Those who have a healthy dose of self-esteem will be able to learn from any criticism they receive without taking it too personally. 

 

Think about your own self-esteem. Could it use some improvement? If so, focus on ways to build up your self-esteem and you’ll notice this has a direct impact on your ability to handle criticism. You’ll find a lot of awesome self-esteem building tips online. 

 

Top Tips to Deal with People Who Criticize Instead of Critique

 

We’ve all been criticized when what we needed was an honest critique, with positive and negative points. As you work on building up your self-esteem, there are some other tips you can implement to deal with overly critical or negative people. 

 

Staying calm is important. You may find when you are met with criticism, your initial reaction is anger. However, if you express anger, it isn’t going to help the situation. In fact, it could work in your critic’s favor! Remaining calm gives, you the ability to fully understand where the criticism is coming from and enables you to deal with it much better.

 

If the problems are coming from your boss, try and get to the bottom of where the feedback is coming from. If you feel it is still unjust, ask to speak to somebody higher up in the company. Sometimes we need an outsiders view to see what is really happening.

 

Overall, criticism is never nice to deal with. However, it isn’t always meant as a negative. Some criticism can help you to grow and become a better person. So, don’t be quick to dismiss any criticism thrown your way. Think about it with an open mind and decide whether there is something to be learned. 

 

How Negativity Affects Your Job

When you have a negative mindset, it’s going to affect every aspect of your life. Your energy impacts those around you. So, if you bring a negative energy into the workplace, it’s going to have several repercussions.

 

Here, you’ll discover how negativity affects your job. You will also see how you can start to eliminate your own negativity in the workplace. 

 

How does negativity impact your job?

 

There are a lot of ways negativity can impact your job. When you have a negative mindset, it can affect your performance, work relationships, and overall wellbeing. 

 

The trouble with negativity, is that it attracts more negativity. Therefore, if you go into work with a negative attitude, it is going to rub off on your colleagues too. This will lead to a toxic workplace where nobody is happy and stress levels are increased. 

 

As well as impacting the work environment, a negative outlook can also cause issues with performance. You may not apply for new opportunities as they arise, forcing you to miss out on a potentially better job. You will also notice your energy levels aren’t great, and the quality of your work will suffer.

 

These are just some of the ways negativity can impact your job. So, how can you fix it? 

 

Ways to become less negative at work

 

There are ways you can become a more positive person at work. However, it might take quite a lot of effort to overcome your negative thinking. The best ways to combat negativity at work include:

 

• Identify the cause

• Think of something you are thankful for

• Talk to your boss

• Distance yourself from negative colleagues

 

Identifying the cause of your negativity is crucial. There could be numerous reasons why you have a more negative attitude at work. Maybe you keep getting passed over for a promotion, or you are bored of your current role? Identifying the cause enables you to figure out the best ways to combat it. 

 

Whenever you feel yourself slumping into a negative mood, think of something you are thankful for. After all, it’s difficult to remain negative when you are thinking of something positive. 

 

You may also find it useful to talk to your boss if you haven’t already. If you are unhappy with something, let them know. Ask them for a promotion, rather than waiting for one. You could also ask them for further training opportunities and more responsibility.

 

If you have colleagues who are negative, make sure you distance yourself from them. It could be that others are putting you in a negative mood, so distancing yourself from them will protect your energy and your positivity. If they see you with a more positive outlook, it will also help them to develop one too. 

 

As you can see, there are several ways you can address your negativity in the workplace. Identifying the root cause is the key to finding the right solution. If you are just naturally negative, working on developing a more positive mindset will help. However, this will take time so don’t expect results overnight. 

 

Is Negativity Ruining Your Self-Esteem

When you have a negative outlook, it tends to affect every aspect of your life. Studies have shown that negative self-talk can cause issues with self-esteem.

 

With poor self-esteem, you may feel worthless, or like you don’t measure up to everyone else. It can affect your relationships and prevent you from taking on opportunities.

 

Is negativity ruining your self-esteem? You can discover if negative self-talk is dragging your self-esteem down, as well as what signs you need to watch for.

 

How Negativity Impacts Self-Esteem

 

Self-esteem can both be a cause of negativity, and a result of it. When you have a negative mindset, it often stems from feeling inadequate or due to a lack of control over a situation. This leads to negative self-talk, such as you’ll never amount to anything, or you aren’t good enough to achieve success. 

 

The trouble with negative thoughts is that they multiply quickly. Over time, you’ll find they greatly affect your confidence and cause you to question your value. Negativity is a self-esteem killer, causing you to doubt everything as well as yourself. 

 

Understanding Negative Self-Talk

 

Negative self-talk is basically your inner critic reminding you of all the negative things you or others have said about you. Negative self-talk can have a significant impact on your self-esteem, confidence, and overall wellbeing.

 

Put simply, negative self-talk prevents you from believing in yourself and your abilities. It keeps you from making positive changes and achieving success. 

 

Signs You Have Low Self-Esteem

 

So, how do you know if you have low self-esteem? There are some signs to look out for which may suggest your self-esteem could use some work. These include:

 

• You have little confidence

• You compare yourself negatively to others

• You find it difficult asking for help 

• You worry a lot 

• You find it difficult to accept compliments

 

These are just a small number of the signs of low self-esteem. The question is, how can you eliminate negativity and build up your self-esteem?

 

Ways To Reduce Negativity and Build Self-Esteem

 

If you are ready to start combatting your negativity and building up self-esteem, there are a few things you can do. Start by assessing what is contributing towards your negativity. Is it past experiences such as being bullied at school for example? By figuring out where your negativity stems from, you’ll be able to start working on overcoming it. 

 

Surrounding yourself with positive people is a great way to challenge negativity. The people you surround yourself with make a huge difference to how you feel. If you are around negative people, you yourself will end up feeling more negative. 

 

Looking after yourself, utilizing positive affirmations, and stopping comparing yourself to others are also good tips you can follow.

 

If you have poor self-esteem, the amount of negativity you experience could be partially to blame. As you focus on becoming more positive, you’ll find that you automatically begin to feel happier and more confident.

 

Is Your Own Negativity Affecting Your Friendships?

You will find a lot of information online about how to eliminate negative friendships from your life. However, what if the source of negativity is coming from you? 

 

It isn’t always easy to recognize when you are being negative. Some people have no idea how their negativity is impacting others. So, if your friendships have been suffering lately and you aren’t sure why, it could be down to your own mindset. 

 

Here, we’ll look at how your own negativity could be affecting your friendships and what you can do about it.

 

Are You a Negative Friend?

 

It isn’t always easy to identify negativity in ourselves. Many people are unaware that they are projecting negativity onto others. So, how can you identify if you are a negative friend? Here’s a few signs to look out for:

 

• You find it hard keeping friends

• You make plans knowing you’ll cancel them

• You don’t check in first or see how your friends are doing

• Most conversations are about you

• They don’t come to you for emotional support

 

Now, some of these signs may not be down to your own negativity. For example, you may not check in first with your friends because it used to always be you initiating contact. In that case, you wouldn’t necessarily be a negative friend.

 

Many people find it hard to keep friends. However, if you generally find it easy to make friends and not keep them, there may be a problem. Assess your friendships, including those from the past. Is there a pattern and could it be down to your negativity?

 

Life gets busy and it isn’t always easy to keep in touch with friends. However, if you literally never contact anyone first, this is a sign you are a negative friend. Remember, friendships are a two-way street. Your friends need to know you care about them too. 

Similarly, if you make plans knowing you’ll cancel them, and make all conversations about you, these are also negative friend traits. 

 

The Impact Negativity Has on Friendships

 

So, why is it important to be a more positive friend? The main one is that negativity can literally kill friendships. Nobody wants to be around somebody who is constantly negative. It brings down their mood, leading them to feel more depressed or drained after they have been around you. 

 

Another way negativity impacts friendships, is that it is bad for the heart. Studies have shown that negative friendships affect our heart health. So, you could unintentionally be causing your friends health issues with your constant negativity. These are just some of the problems you can cause if you are a negative friend.

 

When you bring negativity into your friendships, you won’t have strong relationships. Healthy friendships are important for our health and wellbeing. So, if you do identify as a negative friend, now’s the time to start working on adjusting your mindset. It might not be easy; but, doing so will ensure you have much healthier and happier friendships.

5 Tips To Stop Avoiding Your Problems

According to VeryWellMind,"Procrastination, passive-aggressiveness, and rumination are examples of unhelpful coping mechanisms that we may consciously or unconsciously use to avoid tackling a tough issue or facing thoughts and feelings that are uncomfortable."

 

The world is a difficult place. Things are moving quicker than ever before, and issues appear to erupt from nowhere. Each day, we fight a plethora of conflicts, and it's all too easy to become exhausted. 

 

The turmoil might drive a person to flee from the troubles they are experiencing. Regrettably, if you strive to do this all the time, you'll spend your whole life running and hiding from your problems. 

 

They will ultimately sneak up to you. So, how can we successfully tackle our issues and move toward a future where we are no longer afraid of them? Here are some ideas to help you quit running away from your troubles.

 

1. Divide Your Problems Into Tiny Steps

 

Greenberg, author of the book The Stress-Proof Brain, advises working through the easiest phases first after splitting the problem into manageable sections. 

 

She gives the following example when you are putting off looking for a new job. You divide this large process into "updating your résumé, finding and contacting references, studying the positions you desire, speaking with individuals you know who work in the field, and so on."

 

2. Make Use Of Your Support System

 

Our support network is an underappreciated asset. Do you feel alone? Do you feel overwhelmed by your problems and cannot find an anchor? Do you get the impression that no one cares about you and that no one is eager to assist you? 

 

If you do, you should have a look around. I am confident that there is someone who would be delighted to assist you in overcoming this obstacle. Remember that we encounter a slew of issues on a daily basis. There is no need for you to believe that you must solve all of them on your own. This might lead to feelings of stress, which can contribute to you fleeing from your problems.

 

If your support system is lacking then get to work! Reach out and create one that works for you. 

 

3. Make A Plan

 

According to Lifehack, “If you’re asking yourself how to stop running away from problems, one thing to think about is whether or not you have a plan. Have you thought about how you’ll tackle the issue? Often, we run from our problems because we don’t know how to solve them. However, just because we don’t know how to confront the issue right now and it seems overwhelming, doesn’t mean that we can’t spend some time to process it and come up with a solution. Taking some time to learn about the problem and how others have overcome it in the past is a great way to start. Wherever you go for information, make sure that your sources are accurate."

 

4. Make Yourself Accountable

 

For example, if you're attempting to better manage your spending and food intake, you should keep track of how much you eat you're spending and what you're spending it on. 

 

Ask others to help you be accountable. Share your goals with others and the steps you are taking to work through your problems. Ask these people to keep an eye out and ask you about your progress. And make sure that you update them about your progress on your own. 

 

5. Running Away Is Not A Viable Long-Term Solution

 

This is most likely the most crucial aspect of learning how to quit running away from issues. It's admitting that fleeing isn't a long-term option. And no matter what time or far you flee, you can never really run from your problems. 

 

Running away from problems is a common way for us to try to avoid them; it's a protective strategy. Running, however, does not completely shield us from anything. Avoidance solves none of our problems. It has never done so in the past, and it will never do so in the future. 

 

Facing our problems is the only way to solve them. This may take time, courage, effort and commitment, but in the end, they are solved and no longer a burden on your emotional and mental health. And, as an added super bonus, overcoming those problems helps you to build inner strength and resilience. 

 

5 Signs You’re In An Abusive Relationship

 

There’s a common misconception about anyone in an abusive relationship. People think that it’s easy for the abused to know they’re in a bad situation. People assume it’s easy to move away from the abuser and start a whole new life.

 

Sadly, that’s far from the truth. Before we begin our article, there’s something important you have to remember. Abuse is all about manipulation and power.

 

Read on to find out whether or not you’re in an abusive relationship.

 

Signs You’re in an Abusive Relationship

 

Abusers are known for placing the blame on their victims. They create confusion and guilt, which they hide behind things like ‘protection’ or ‘playfulness.’

 

Does this feel like something you, or someone you love, are experiencing? If you answered yes, you have to realize this isn’t how a normal relationship should be.

Read the signs below. If you recognize any of them, it’s time to take action.

 

5. You Feel Pressured to Do Things

 

We all know the age-old love story of two people seeing each other’s eyes from a distance. Somehow, they know they’re meant for one another, and they can’t wait for their relationship to start.

 

An abusive relationship has traits very similar to that of this whirlwind romance. In the beginning, you’ll notice that an abusive partner is sweet and considerate. They’ll have plenty of nice things to say that make you feel like you’re special and truly in love.

 

You may feel that the words are nice, but they usually have a concealed urgency. This urgency is their way of gaining control over you as quickly as possible.

 

Do you feel like you’re getting pressured to start a relationship, get married, or have children? This can be a telltale sign you’re in an abusive relationship.

 

4. You’re Always in the Center of Their Impulsive Mood Swings

 

Mood swings are natural. We all have them for one reason or another.

 

What’s not normal is having to endure abrupt mood swings that come out of nowhere. Your partner may be sitting there all calm and nice. Then something triggers them off. They become insulting and furious for no reason.

 

After a few minutes, they return to their calm self. Not only that but they’re apologetic and swear to you they were only joking. These minute-to-minute changes in behavior create confusion and guilt.

 

There are two things to remember when you’re in a similar situation. One, this isn’t normal behavior. Two, this isn’t your fault in any way.

 

It’s important that you’re aware early on that this is dangerous territory. This is the time to take a step back and evaluate whether you want to continue with this person or not.

 

3. You Constantly Get Blamed for

 

Abusers accuse their victims of anything and everything that doesn’t go their way. They usually throw out accusations and blame without any thought or planning. As a victim, you get used to hearing these accusations on a regular basis. Soon, you begin believing it to be true.

 

Take note of whether this happens to you in your relationship. If you notice it happening often, you have to put an end to it.

 

Another thing you have to pay attention to is whether your partner keeps tabs on you. Do they want to know you are at every moment of the day? While it’s nice to have that kind of harmless attention, it’s a dangerous pothole to fall into.

 

2. You’re Made to Feel Isolated

 

One type of control abusers have is to keep you away from your family and friends. They give excuses like, “They’re meddlers” or “They’re trying to break us up.”

 

The whole point of doing this is that they want to make you feel isolated. They want you to feel dependent on them and only them.

 

Another way they isolate you is by gaining control of your credit cards or bank accounts. Or maybe you can’t go where you want without their permission.

 

All these force you to rely only on your partner. This gives them more and more power over you while making you feel less and less in control of your life.

 

Isolation in all its forms is dangerous and should be dealt with promptly.

 

1. You’re in a Constant State of Fear

 

Abusers will rely on intimidation tactics to frighten you. This keeps abuse victims are always in a state of dread and uneasiness. You’re scared of upsetting your partner, or that could insult you, or even humiliated in public. Then, there’s the fear of being physically assaulted.

 

Fear comes in varying degrees. It can even take a toll on your physical and mental health simply by eating away at your self-confidence.

 

It’s worth noting that even if your partner hasn’t physically abused you in any way, just being fearful is a bad sign. Fear shouldn’t be part of any healthy.

 

A Final Note

 

It’s not uncommon for abuse victims to play down the severity of the situation they’re in. Their abusive partners have drilled into their subconscious that they’re powerless and worthless. They wear down their self-esteem, until they truly believe everything is their fault.

 

If these five signs sound familiar, tell yourself that this behavior isn’t acceptable. You don’t have to put up with any of it.

 

That’s the first step. The second step is to try and salvage the relationship. Give your partner a chance to own up to their negative behavior. They could have it in them to change for the better.

 

If they fail to do so, it’s time to walk away. That may sound easier said than done, which is why reaching out to friends or professionals for support can help you make this transition more smoothly. By getting the right advice and having a reliable plan, you can feel safer about finding a way out.

 

5 Ways To Boost Your Optimism

Most of the experts agree that people are born to be optimistic. As time goes by, this optimism is challenged by society and in the worst cases it can result in pessimism. You need to do everything that you can to boost your optimism and, in this article, we have 5 great ways that you can do this.

 

1. Accept that you have Flaws

 

Nobody is perfect and optimists accept this. Their level of self-worth is always high even though they are aware of some flaws in their character or physical body. They will accept these flaws and work on them if they are important. We all have flaws so just accept this and move on with your life.

 

Of course, some of your flaws may be preventing you from becoming an optimist and you definitely need to do something about these. Maybe your state will change in a heartbeat from positive to negative because something triggers this for example.

 

2. Start and Maintain a Journal

 

Having a journal where you can record your journey to optimism and more is definitely beneficial. Anything can serve as a journal for you as long as you can write in it regularly. A simple notebook is all that you need to get started.

 

When you start your journal be sure to write your goals, your WHY statement and your plans in it. It is also important that you use your journal to record the things that you are grateful for in your life. We also recommend that you record any setbacks in your journal and what you did to overcome them.

 

There are numerous benefits from having a journal. You can make a commitment to review your journal periodically to see just how far you have progressed. Record all of your daily tasks in your journal that you need to complete to achieve your goals.

 

3. Don’t let something Hold you Back

 

You may feel that something is holding you back from making the transition to optimism. This can demotivate you and really test how strong your optimism is. Perhaps it is something from your past that continues to haunt you. Whatever it is you need to let it go.

 

The benefits of optimism are far too important to let one thing hold you back whatever it is. If this is a problem with your character then you need to fix it. An optimist will always relish a challenge like this because they will learn and grow from it.

 

4. Think about why Tomorrow will be so good

 

At the end of each day, give some thought to the things about tomorrow that really excite you. Write down three things that you are really looking forward to the next day. Some days will be difficult for you and this is a great way to overcome any disappointment. Focus on one of the things that you have identified about tomorrow and experience how good it feels.

 

5. Stop Complaining about things

 

If you have always been a complainer then you need to gradually reduce the amount of complaining that you do. Things are always going to go wrong in life and complaining about them never achieves anything other than to put you in a negative state of mind.

 

Instead of complaining, accept that bad things happen and fix the problem. It is not the end of the world if your car or your computer stops working. Complaining wastes your valuable energy. Just fix the problem and move on.