This Is The Secret Ingredient Of Truly Rewarding Relationships

What is a rewarding relationship? If you're reading this, you probably already know what a relationship is. It's an arrangement between 2 people. Maybe they share a certain level of intimacy. Maybe they share certain resources. Maybe they even live together.

 

But at the end of the day, our relationships apply across the board. You're in a relationship with your boss whether you like it or not. You're in a relationship with your friends. That much is obvious. Obviously, you're in a relationship with your relatives.

 

But the problem is just because you're in a relationship doesn't necessarily mean that they are mutually rewarding. In fact, most relationships involve parasitical arrangements. I know that's harsh. I know that at some level or other, it's politically incorrect. But it's also true.

 

Have you ever had a friend who would call you only when she's depressed? She would call you because she has all these problems and she's basically just going on and on about how everybody's unfair and how this person broke her heart and now she's crying and suffering deep down inside.

 

So, you try to be as supportive as you can and you just listen or you give advice. But at the end of the conversation, she feels so much better but at the same time, you feel heavy. It's as if you got hollowed out by this person's complaint and general negativity.

 

Well, that is forgivable if it happens every once in a blue moon. But if it happens all the time, that is a parasitical relationship. Guess what? You're not the parasite. Your friend is. She is benefiting from you. You, on the other hand, are getting emotionally hollowed out. You feel really heavy and at the end of the day, you feel numb.

 

It's as if all your emotional energy just got sucked out. This also applies to romantic relationships. Please understand that there are a lot of broken people out there. Unfortunately, a lot of them don't know they're broken.

 

So, they unload all their insecurities and hang ups on the people who love them. And since you love this person, the relationship becomes some sort of emotional black hole. Every time this person opens her mouth, it's as if all the problems in the world is placed right square on your shoulder and guess what? It's not exactly light.

 

So, what happens? You start looking at your relationship in terms of compartments. You like the sex. You like the intimacy. But you could do without the drama. So, what do you do? You keep her emotionally at arm’s length. You're not really there. You're not present.

 

When she opens her mouth to share her deepest feelings and her most agonizing insecurities, you check out. Now, this is the problem, it doesn't mature you as a person nor does it help her. And unfortunately, your relationship is stuck in neutral.

 

This doesn't necessarily mean it's going to break down. This doesn't necessarily mean that there's a high chance that somebody's going to head out for the door. Instead, I'm talking about something worse.

 

You can stay in a relationship. But essentially, it is not very rewarding. You can stay in that for 30 years. You can stay in it until you die. And the worst part to all of this is that you cheated yourself because that relationship could've been mutually enriching.

 

It could've been a gateway for both of you maturing as adults and going past your comfort zones so you can live up to your fullest emotional and mental potential. But unfortunately, because you lack self-discipline, you just look at your relationship as this necessary evil that you just have to endure because there's something in it for you.

 

Maybe it's the sex. Maybe it's the intimacy. Maybe it's her money. Whatever the case may be, it is an unhealthy arrangement. If you're sick and tired of unhealthy arrangements and relationships that are not all that healthy for you on an emotional, mental or spiritual level, click here.

 

You will get a practical everyday guide on how to become a more self-disciplined person. It doesn't matter how busy you are. It doesn't matter what kind of past drama you have suffered. It doesn't matter what kind of crappy relationship you're in.

 

This framework will help you get the self-discipline you need so you can be that kind, loving, compassionate and effective partner that you are capable of becoming.

How to Change Your Mindset and Pickup Anyone From a Bar

Changing your mindset can help you to accomplish all kinds of things in life. It can help you to be happier with what you have right now, it can help you to go after the right goals and ambitions and it can help you to be more successful in your career.

 

But it can also change your love life and help you to be more effective in going after what you want. Read on and we’ll see how a simple mindset shift changes everything in this sense.

 

Frozen by Fear

 

If you’re just like most people, then chances are that you’ll feel a fair amount of fear when thinking about approaching members of the opposite sex in a bar. You’ll find yourself thinking that you might get turned down and humiliated or that it will damage your self-esteem.

 

The first trick to fixing this problem is to acknowledge it. Simply understanding that it’s fear that’s holding you back (or ruining your chances) and knowing the nature of that fear will give you the chance to undo it.

 

In this case, we’re going to undo it by removing the risk.

 

How to Mitigate Risk in a Dating Scenario

 

Now you know what you’re afraid of, you can simply change your strategy to mitigate the risk and to put yourself in with a better chance of success.

 

In this case, that means removing the opportunity for them to turn you down or greatly reducing the chances. And the simple way to do that, is to look at what it is to find out if they’re interested before you have to approach them!

 

How can you do this? By testing the waters from a distance before approaching. You do this by looking around the bar and making eye contact. When you see someone you like the looks of, smile and hold their gaze. If they look away or don’t look pleased, then you can probably presume it’s a ‘no’.

 

But if they smile back and look happy, then you can make the assumption that they’re at least somewhat interested – at least somewhat open to the prospect of you approaching them at the very least.

 

Now approach their group with your group and speak to the whole group. Once you’ve seen how that’s gone, try asking if they’d like a drink when you go to the bar.

 

You can take this further but essentially, you’re edging forward without ever making any moves that can lead to rejection – removing the fear and changing your mindset in the process!

 

Self-Sufficiency Improves The Quality Of Your Relationships

There are many ways in which one can explain self-sufficiency, but my favorite definition has to be one I came across in an article on Psychology Today. Steve Taylor wrote that self-sufficiency is the quality of feeling secure and content with oneself, a deep-rooted sense of inner completeness and stability. When you are self-sufficient, you are cognizant that you are enough. In all the situations you approach from a perspective of self-sufficiency, you are aware of your value as a person. To be honest, when one is self-aware, the quality of their relationships improves because you know what you deserve. If you view yourself as a decent human being who is worthy of self-love and respect, you will not accept being mistreated by people. Let's look at some of how self-sufficiency can improve the quality of your relationship. 

 

You can set boundaries.

 

This is a sore subject for many of us because we do not want to lose our loved ones. When you are self-sufficient, setting boundaries becomes easy for you because you know what you bring to the table. Keeping in mind your value and all the work you have put in to become the person you are will inform your decisions about how you want to be treated. You will then surround yourself with people that understand who you are and are in your life because they respect the boundaries that you would have set. 

 

We have all heard repeatedly that you teach people how to treat you, and the boundaries you set for loved ones will teach them how to treat you. If you are a person who has no respect for yourself and you keep people in your life out of desperation, you will find yourself surrounded by people who do not value you. As Iyanla says, "Draw a line in the sand, if the line is crossed there must be a consequence." What this means is that you should set clear boundaries, and people should respect you enough to appreciate the boundaries you set. As a self-sufficient individual, it will be easy for you to remove yourself from situations where people do not respect your boundaries. 

 

You can choose the people you want around you.

 

There is nothing more powerful than a person who respects themselves enough to not be the one that is consistently chosen as a friend. Self-sufficiency will allow you to be decisive about the people you want to have in your life. You will keep people in your life because you want them in it, not because you need them. Many people have stayed in abusive relationships because they were dependent and could not leave. Being self-sufficient, whether it is financially or emotionally, could save you from very unpleasant situations. This is one of the reasons why we are all encouraged to go on the journey of self-discovery because there is nothing more addictive than another human being. Knowing that you can provide for yourself and pick yourself up when you need to will empower you as an individual. That power will help you choose like-minded people, and your connections will not be based on co-dependency. 

 

You can be more assertive.

 

Standing up for yourself is a superpower, but unfortunately, we are not all born with that superpower. If you are in a relationship with someone who is strong-willed and has a strong personality, you will need to be assertive. For your needs to be met, you need to articulate what you need from your partner. Being the partner that is always compromising will leave you drained and feeling unappreciated. When you are a self-sufficient person, you can be assertive and make it a point that your feelings are considered in the relationship because you matter. The relationship can then become a safe space because you show up as your most authentic self and in honesty. Your partner will also appreciate the honesty as it will not cause resentment in the future.

 

The takeaway

 

Navigating through life and relationships can be a challenge. There is a constant need to ensure that when people like us, we do not disappoint them or scare them off by being self-sufficient. We often mistake co-dependency for the foundation on which relationships should be built. We then have relationships where we are enmeshed, and there are no clear boundaries. This does not help our relationships as there is no code of conduct and people end up taking each other for granted. To enjoy any relationship, you need to maintain your individuality because that is what makes you unique. To enjoy a relationship of high quality, you should, as the saying goes, fill your cup and give what is running over. Practicing self-love will allow you to respect yourself enough to value relationships because of what you bring to the table, not what you are constantly receiving.

 

Self-Sufficiency In Romantic Relationships

If you always need your partner’s approval or anyone’s approval before making any decisions, you need to be more self-sufficient. Have confidence in yourself. Don’t seek approval from anyone before making important decisions that will have a huge impact on your life. Become an independent thinker. Trust in yourself and know that you are enough.

 

Being self-sufficient in all areas of your life is important and especially in your romantic relationship. It is key to ensuring you enjoy your relationship and make the most of it. 

 

Your partner needs to know that you can make your own decisions. This doesn’t mean you have to ignore your partner’s opinion or do everything by yourself. It simply means you have to be confident enough to handle what needs to be handled without outside intervention. It means being able to do what you should without seeking external help.

 

You will have more joy in your relationship when your significant other knows that you can stand on your own feet, are decisive, and have enough confidence to go after your dreams. 

 

Sometimes the main thing that makes it difficult to enjoy your relationship is being too dependent. If your partner is the only one who makes all the decisions, neither of you will be happy. You both need to make contributions where your lives are concerned. That means being involved in the decision-making process, expressing your opinion without being apologetic about it, and making financial contributions. 

 

You have to play your part and do what you can. Live to the best of your abilities and learn to make smart decisions and stand by them.

 

Self-sufficiency renews your self-worth. 

 

Losing faith in yourself and questioning your worth is easy when you are not self-reliant and depend on your partner for everything. That is why countless people are unhappy in their relationships. The problem isn’t what you don’t have or what your partner refuses to do. It’s failing to stand on your own and be true to who you are. 

 

If you have lost faith in your abilities, feel you are not good enough or are convinced you don’t have what it takes to improve your life, think again. Realize that you are enough. You can still become all you’ve ever wanted. You have what it takes to turn your life around. 

 

Shift your focus from what you can’t do to what you can do. Renew your dreams and start working on them. 

 

Speak positivity into your life and renew your self-confidence. Start each day with “I am enough”, “I can make it happen”, “I can accomplish ABC”, “I will make it”, and “I was born to succeed.”

 

Concentrate on becoming self-sufficient in your relationship so you can easily work through disagreements and enjoy every minute. 

 

Self-sufficiency is key to emotional maturity and independence. 

 

Emotional maturity is one thing that most people struggle with despite how long they have been in relationships. If you are constantly thinking “Maybe I’m not enough”, “What if he or she leaves?”, or“Something is missing. I’m no longer fulfilled in this relationship”, you need to work on your emotional independence.

 

Realize that the way you feel has nothing to do with what your partner is doing or isn’t doing. Establish your personal space and understand that you control your happiness. Learn to be happy and feel good about yourself despite what your partner does or doesn’t do or say.

 

Be passionate about your life. Constantly work on becoming the best version of yourself and learn to master your feelings. Not the other way around.

 

Maintain a positive attitude and have something good to look forward to. 

 

When you face discouragements or disappointments, don’t let your emotions get in the way. Talk things over with your partner and work through disputes the right way. 

 

When you encounter failure, don’t quit. Get back up and try again. Keep moving forward. Have a “This is not the end of the road” attitude and realize that tomorrow can be better.

 

Emotional maturity and independence are key to a happy and fulfilling relationship. 

 

Being self-reliant doesn’t mean you never have to lean on your partner for anything because the best way to nurture and grow your relationship is by learning to be there for each other. So, support each other, take care of each other, share your deepest feelings, and know you can always count on each other for anything. 

 

Seek interdependence to enjoy your partnership more. Play your part and let your partner play his. Embrace your true self and let your significant other do likewise. Do things together. Contribute what you can and seek to improve where you can. Make important decisions together especially ones that affect both of you. Doing this helps you grow your relationship and focus more on the positive. 

 

The Invisible Sadness Pool

Merely hearing the word sadness, can already make your feel sad. Well, the truth is, nobody passes by in this world without ever feeling sad. It is a fact of life, amongst other natural emotions and it is one of the most common end results of a heart break. If not dealt right away, it could lead to more complicated situations like depression, stress, etc. 

 

Though, being heartbroken is a circumstance you cannot control, how you react and how you handle your situation is something you can think through. This is where the invisible sadness pool comes to the picture. If you choose to drown yourself to your own sadness pool, then even if people around you try to give their helping hand, nothing can be done. 

 

Another important thing to consider is that, your sadness pool may be invisible to others. People might see you just fine or even happy, while you are actually feeling so low in the inside. You see, it is only you who can swim in that invisible pool. But then again, the choice is always yours. 

 

Heartbreaks can indeed, break you. it is one of the consequences of falling in love. This can be experienced not only because of a person, though. Heartbreaks can also be because of your passion, business, children, a long- time friend, family, etc. But of course, those that are romantic in origin almost always gets the spotlight. Romantic love is known for being the most bittersweet amongst all the other factors in the makings of sadness pools. 

 

This is not telling you not to fall in love. Think of it more of a reminder on the importance of knowing how to enjoy the fall and being on guard at the same time. Have all these confused you? 

Why Do Beautiful Things Fall Apart?

When you start asking yourself questions like the title of this article, try looking for answers that are both objective and positive. Beautiful things, like a happy romantic relationship do fall apart. That is one fact that can’t be ignored. But why do breakups happen? How does one understand a breakup? Here are some points to ponder on: 

 

·    People grow, people change – like what scientists say, change is the only thing constant in this world. So, there will come a time when it will seem to you that the person you fell in love with is no longer the same. Though, the ‘change’ may not necessarily mean there is also a change of heart, accepting the ‘new person’ in front of you could be overwhelming. 

·    Falling out of love is possible – before you start calling your “ex” a liar, understand that the full-of-love-and-butterflies-in-the-stomach phase at the beginning of any relationship has an expiration date. 

·    Relationships, like an organic thing, have its own growth process – this is, one of the main and hurtful truths that is bitter to swallow. do you remember yourself asking “We used to…but now…why?” If you try to look at this question objectively, you will understand that this is actually geared towards the positive. How so? Can you imagine a relationship that is stagnant from start to present/finish? You see, personal development is also something that is affected by your relationships. And if your current romantic relationship doesn’t make you a better person, then breakup is inevitable. 

 

If you would want a deeper take on the topic of this article, then eBooks in your smartphone are perfect for you. You can, not only read it at your own time and space (even while commuting to work or while in the toilet) it also comes handy-dandy as you will only be needing your phone, which actually, is already in your pocket. 

 

What to Do When You’re Vulnerable like a Marshmallow

Have you ever wondered why most love songs that top the charts are about heartbreaks? Not just that, movies about love and heartbreaks also becomes blockbuster hits and gain bucketful of tears at the same time. The truth is, heartbreaks can make, even the toughest person, a marshmallow – soft and vulnerable. This is why watching sad movies, listening to sad love songs, eating tubsful of vanilla ice cream and hitting the gym on wee hours feel so comforting. The previous activities relate the most regarding how mushy you feel inside. But, are there other activities that can make you come out of your marshmallow-like feeling? Surprisingly, here is the list: 

 

·    Make sure you have a support system – Depression is real. It is not simply one of the most-searched word in Google. It is experienced by real people and it is a difficult situation to be in. So, before things go out of hand, eat that tub of ice cream and set your goals. You cannot just stay on the couch. Reach out and let others reach out to you. 

·    This too shall pass - Just like all other experiences/hardships/achievements you’ve been through, a heartbreak will have its tipping point, and end. But, you need to help yourself in the process. 

·    It is okay to cry and acknowledge that you are hurting - Pretending you are okay when you are not will take you nowhere. The first step towards healing is accepting the truth. Once you acknowledge what is happening to you, then you could think of what to do next. 

·    The fault is not entirely yours – It takes two to tango; it takes two people to be in a relationship. So, when relationships fail, it is only fair to assume that both involved played a part. Stop blaming yourself and stop drowning in bitterness. 

 

Finally, Moving-On Tips From Real People

Try searching for “Spells for moving on,” or “how to use spells to move on.” You might think it sounds crazy, but the results might overwhelm you. You will learn that thousands of people search for moving on tips and will read or try “spells.” What is this fact trying to say? It is not to affirm the power of spells nor laugh at it. Look at it as simply a manifestation of the difficulties one has to face when trying to move on, especially from romantic relationships. So, how does one surpass the challenge of being stuck in the difficult part of letting of a failed relationship?

 

Without the help of spells, which could possibly go wrong especially when you’re not into memorizing long chants, here are doable tip from people who’ve been there, done that: 

 

·    Allow yourself to grieve – Sadly, in this fast world we live in (fast food, email, smartphones, etc.) even grieving is expected to be fast paced. Though, some people are okay with this, there are some who need longer time to heal. if you feel not yet okay, then accept that you are not. Do not hurry results only to regret at the end. 

·    Give your emotions names - This is simply telling you to make an effort to understand how you really feel. Is it sadness, stress or anger? Identify it to be able to address it. 

·    Try to learn new interesting things – This is to subconsciously teach yourself that endings may turn to new beginnings, if you give it a try and believe that it is possible. Remember that French class you’ve been hesitating to enroll in? Now is the best time to give it a try and so it also is for biking, hiking, pole dancing, taekwondo, etc. 

 

Why Romantic Breakups Leave Such a Mess

Male, female or whatever gender you identify with, you are not exempted from the overwhelming experience of breakups. It is sad, stressful, painful and will make you need healing. The good news is that, many people come out from the experience stronger and ready to begin again. 

 

But, the question is, why does it (romantic breakups) hurt so much? Why does it leave a lot of burned bridges, bitter words and sometimes, regrettable and uncalled for actuations even from the calmest of introverts? 

 

Have you ever heard of the thing called “fantasy bond?” Well, according to studies, this is one of the main reasons for the “mess.” Fantasy bond is an imagined connection that people in romantic relationships develop. It is a false sense of security, feelings of the “other person” completed them, beliefs that one cannot live without the “other person” already, all of which are associated with heightened sensations that goes with falling in love. Imagine all of these inside your head and suddenly losing it all in the moment of a breakup. Breakups shatter fantasy bonds. It brings about a turmoil of negative emotions like self-doubt, insecurities and blame. 

 

Well, life is how we see it and happiness is indeed, a state of the mind. So, even if we say that breakups and heartaches are part of life that can leave us devastated, coming out from it strong and positive is a choice. 

 

May breakups teach you that endings are doors to beginnings. That is, if you can take happy memories from failed relationships and bury the bad with new memories. You are the captain of your ship, sail it to beautiful and colorful shores. 

 

If you want to read more affirmations, especially those who are still in the midst of healing their broken hearts, handy eBooks, which you can read anywhere and anytime are abundant in the market. It is always helpful to read something positive every day. 

How Come He Looks Fine?

Ever wondered why that “ex” of yours is sporting a wide smile days after your break-up? How about rumors that he’s been partying his night out with the boys? Do you smell something fishy? Yes, and you’re right. Something is surely brewing there. 

 

Don’t feel sad if you think that it is only you who’s having difficult nights. Men could sometimes be so good at hiding their real feelings. They could even make themselves look like they’re having a really nice time when in reality, they are also in tears! Well, if you are would want to know tell-tale signs that something is amiss, here they are: 

 

·    They may pretend to be the busiest during the peak of their “brokenness” – the tendency is to fill their hours with work so that when they come home, they will be so tired and there will no time to think of how hurt they are. So, if you see them finally accepting that long-postponed promotion, or devoting their day-offs to the gym, give yourself a wink, because it only means that they are as hurt as you are. 

·    You may not hear from him for a while - most often, this awkward silence hurts a lot of women. But, the truth is, men, when overwhelmed tend to process things slowly in their minds and that is simply why they shut up. This is actually to give themselves time to think. So, don’t expect to hear an explanation or openness to talk days after your break-up. 

·    They tend to “sleep” things out and that could include sleeping with others – this is one reality that is difficult to accept especially if “sleeping with others” is already is involved in your relationship issues. This can be explained by the “flight mode” they turn on when badly hurt emotionally.

 

How Come I See Her Around (Almost) All The Time?

It’s between you having a bad case of near-sightedness versus aliens having already invaded planet earth and is playing with time. Why do you keep seeing your ex? She’s literally everywhere – you see her while buying your morning coffee, you see her during your lunch break, again at the gym, at a friend’s gender reveal party, while clubbing and even at the groceries. 

 

Well, you are not hallucinating. The images are really her. That is because women have the tendency to follow you around after a break-up. But, don’t get your hopes up high. The reason could be because she’s making sure you are regretting your decision and that you are having the worst days of your life. Okay, so there would be some who would be wishing you happiness and all that stuff but, that would greatly depend on the reason of the break-up. 

 

How do girls face broken heart? Hint: It’s not all vanilla ice cream-laden! 

 

·    They can be a bit aggressive – This is to counter your deadening silence. Don’t worry, most wouldn’t go over a slap and a pinch. 

·    They, indeed, have the tendency to follow you around – this is to check if you’re miserable or if the rumors (between you and an officemate) are true.

·    They tend to get more attractive – one of the many things girls’ question after a break-up is the how they look. This is because, long term romantic relationships tend to make couples comfortable, even with how they dress and present themselves. So, after a break-up, they start remembering their secret stash of face clay masks and other stuff like snail goo. 

·    If a lot of friend requests are popping in your social media accounts lately, don’t flatter yourself much, it could be her – this is just to check you out without you knowing it’s her. Okay, these days, it’s called stalking but usually its harmless. 

 

It is indeed a complicated world of relationships. To know more, remember that eBooks are today’s relationship dictionaries.