The Top Five Traits of a Good Listener

If you want to become a good listener there are certain traits and skills you will need to learn. Listening is a great skill to develop and it can improve all areas of your life. People love to talk and are always looking for someone to listen to them. 

• When listening to someone your goal should be to understand their point of view. Listen to everything they say before forming your own opinion, and remember that you do not necessarily have to agree with them. Everyone deserves, and should form, their own opinions on various topics. 

• Paying attention is the next trait. If you don’t pay attention you will miss out on important information. Always be aware of what is going on with the person who is speaking, and don’t forget to pay attention to your surroundings. 

• The action of making eye contact with the person who is speaking, shows them that you are paying attention. If you start looking around you, you are giving them the impression that you are not interested, or have become bored. 

• Try to look at their point of view and ask yourself if they might be the person who is right. 

• Allow the person to finish talking. This often takes a little patience, but it can be helpful for both sides. First the person talking can vent their opinions or frustrations. Secondly it helps the listener to fully understand the issue at hand. 

A good listener will also think before responding back. Again they often ask what if this person is correct in their way of thinking. People have the bad trait of speaking before thinking and this can lead to all kinds of awkward or difficult situations. 

 

It is perfectly normal for your brain to want to respond quickly, stop yourself and think before you speak! 

 

Sometimes it can be hard to stay focused on a person, it is normal to want to look away. If you find yourself doing this try nodding to the person or making direct eye contact with them. This signals to them that you are paying attention. If you really need to look away for a second, then muffle a cough behind your hand! 

 

Other tips that you might want to use to show that you are paying attention include: 

 

• Saying the person’s name now and again

• Using facial expressions

• Using body language

 

If you make an effort to put these five traits into play consistently, you will become a much better listener for it. 

 

Body Language: 20 Real-Life Tips To Help You Control Your Body Language (Infographic)

Communication Skills

The word communication is a general word in its meaning. It could take on many roles, depending on the use and context. It also has many formats as its delivery mechanism. You can listen to music or watch videos, or you can read a book. Conversations are forms of communications as well.

 

Because of the general aspects of communication, it’s difficult to imagine formulating it into a skill. But it is possible, and many colleges offer majors in communication, which elevates the field. It’s not necessary to study at a four-year college to enhance your skills of communication. It takes basic knowledge and some practice.

 

The biggest skill you can use to communicate better is to listen. People are not natural listeners as they are focused on themselves. It’s how we are wired. We will always put ourselves first. Part of that is a survival mechanism. But, because of our self-serving nature, listening to others is secondary and requires us to put effort into being better listeners.

 

To increase your ability to listen to others, the next time you are speaking with someone, repeat back everything they say. That may be a little unnerving to them, at first. But, if they look at you with a bewildered look, explain that you are just making sure you understood what they said. Once they get past the awkwardness, they will welcome the exchange.

 

The next step towards better communication is to use simple language. When you want others to understand your meaning, you need to make sure everyone will understand the words. People have different levels of education. Therefore, you want to use the lowest common denominator when speaking to everyone. You should not view this as a means of looking down at others. Your goal is to make sure you are understood. Speaking and writing in basic language is the best way to accomplish this.

 

You must consider the feelings of the people with who you're communicating. Even if you are a manager, barking orders at people is one of the least effective ways. Consider everyone’s opinions and needs. Keep people engaged in the communication platform. This way they take ownership in the process. That is a massive benefit for excellent communication. You will get more out of people when this happens than merely rattling off commands as if they are robots. There are some instances, such as the military, where shouting out orders is necessary. But, these are the exception, not the rule.

 

How to Win Friends and Influence People

You may recognize the title of this article. It is that of a book written by the late Dale Carnegie. The advice in the book remains timeless.

 

In no way is this meant to steal from the original book. This was written as a kind of review of the book and as a reminder that this book can truly serve as a life guide on how to be influential. The book spells out some common-sense techniques, yet many people fail to implement them, even after they have read the book. This is why Dale Carnegie himself, suggested using the book as a reference after the first read. It’s important to reinforce the techniques described from time-to-time.

 

If you haven’t read the book (and you should), Carnegie describes techniques that make people want to be with you. One is the simple technique of using somebody’s name. This requires that you remember the name when a person is first introduced to you. But once you know the name, be sure to use it whenever you come in contact with that person. People value their names more than you could possibly imagine. The next time someone says your name when speaking to you, pay attention to how that makes you feel. It is likely to make you feel a connection with that person on a level that you probably took for granted in the past.

 

Another technique that Carnegie describes is to pay attention to other peoples’ likes and wants. If you know somebody that is into elephants, for example, when you come across items related to elephants, make that person aware of it. Carnegie goes into much greater depth about this, but you get the general idea. Take a genuine interest in others and you will find them drawing towards you more and more.

 

The techniques described in the book really are common sense, but they work. There are several other techniques that are described which can really give you those influencing abilities you want to acquire. What’s great about his techniques is they are not difficult to incorporate into your life and yet they have a tremendous impact in how you are looked upon by others. It is almost magical at how well it works.

 

It should be noted that Carnegie wrote the book to help salespeople sell better. The book was actually a by-product of a course he developed with the same motivation. You do not need to be a salesperson to take advantage of the techniques contained in this book.

 

10 Expert Tips for Negotiating in Today’s Business Environment

The heart of business lies in negotiation. Whether you’re trying to close on a sale or get yourself included on a plush project that could make your career, knowing how to get people to listen to you is crucial to your success. 

 

How do you go about getting what you want? Read on for some expert tips for negotiating in today’s business environment.

 

Challenge the Status Quo

 

You start by being assertive. Remember, everything is open to negotiation. You need to step out in confidence and be able to express your needs, while never losing sight of the fact that you have the right to ask for anything. 

 

Listen

 

You’d be amazed how much more people are willing to go to bat for you if you only do them the courtesy of listening to what they have to say. More important, by letting the other person do the talking, you’ll find out everything you need to know to handle the negotiation.

 

Research

 

Know what the other person needs before going in. Have settled in your own mind the value and worth of what you’re negotiating for. This information will help you to find the middle ground where agreement can be reached.

 

Walk Away

 

Be willing to end negotiations if things aren’t going well. Don’t be hammered into a deal you’re going to regret. Also, by terminating the negotiation, you show the other person what your values are worth.

 

Slow Down

 

There’s no need to rush. Take time to think through the options. 

 

Aim High

 

Oddly enough, you’ll have better success when you ask for something big. 

 

Know the Competition

 

Understanding what the other side needs will always work in your favor. Keep your focus there. How can you take advantage of their worries and frustrations?

 

Look for the Mutual Benefit

 

If you can find the solution that’s beneficial to the person you’re negotiating with, as well as yourself, you’re sure to have success. Find out how your resolution can best meet their needs, then be sure to point that out.

 

Remember the Give and Take

 

If you give up anything in the negotiation, make sure you’re getting something in return for it. The deal has to be fair on both sides, or it’s not worth taking.

 

Keep an Emotional Distance

 

Remember, success or failure is never about you. Nothing that happens in business should ever be personal.

 

By following these tips, you’re sure to experience success in whatever negotiation you face in the business world. 

 

Should Every Conflict Be Resolved?

Did you know that there are people that specialize in resolving conflicts? Well, there are, that is just how common conflict issues arise today. But do you also know that not every conflict needs a resolution? Probably not and let's look at that issue today. 

 

Professional conflict coaches have one vital piece of information that they share with their clients. That is to simply learn that you don't always have to be right. 

Think about this for a minute. How many times have you found yourself arguing with someone and refusing to give up, because you want to be seen as the winner? 

 

There is an inbred need inside of people to what to be right or seen as the victor. This is the main reason why so many conflicts are never resolved, instead they boil and cause resentment and anger between family and friends for years. 

 

If you can learn that one simple thing, to give up needing to be right, you will find that you are not involved in as many conflicts. What is so wrong with letting someone else be right for a change? If it makes them happy and ends the conflict, you should be happy too. 

 

Of course, you may encounter a situation that is important and you definitely need to be right. This could be conflicts that deal with your children and their safety for example. 

 

Then there are those conflicts that end up being more silly and less meaningful because they drag on so long. The people involved don't even remember the true cause of the conflict in the first place. All they are left with is that feeling of 'I just have to be right!'

 

The conflicts that don't always need resolving are the ones where you want people to do as you wish. All you are looking for is someone to do as you say. This is very difficult to force onto someone and creates nothing but an angry air of conflict. These are the ones that you should learn to recognize and be strong enough to quit on. 

 

If you are attempting to resolve a conflict and there is just no end in sight, decide if the process is worth working on or not. It might be best to give up and walk away. You are not showing signs of weakness. Instead, you are displaying signs that you are mature enough to recognize that a resolution is not going to happen and walking away is the smartest thing to do. 

Communication Struggles That Only Introverts Have

Some of the issues that introverts have when communicating with others are due to the very definition of being an introvert. Extroverts may not understand these things about you because they don’t experience them. By understanding why you should struggle with these types of communication, you can better explain them to those extroverts in your life. 

 

Your conversation must be brilliant - Due to perfectionistic tendencies, introverts frequently don’t speak up, even when they have something to say because they fear it won’t be insightful enough or it will come out all wrong.

 

Neglect phone calls - You much prefer to text or email because you can skip the small talk and it’s socially acceptable with those forms of communication. But phone calls... shudder! You find yourself procrastinating making important phone calls or returning calls, even to those you love. You have to feel energized enough to be an enthusiastic participant in the conversation, which can cause you to put off making calls, even if they are vital.

 

Difficulty thinking in groups - Because you need to think before you speak and because you need to have silence while you ponder, you find it challenging to participate in the conversation when there are comments and ideas flying everywhere. You may feel like you can’t gather your thoughts well enough to contribute to the conversation.

 

Big groups exhaust you - When you have to be around a lot of people, especially if you don’t know them, you feel exhausted fast. One reason for this is because it involves a lot of small-talk, which doesn’t come naturally to introverts. Putting out that much effort wears you out. 

 

Dislike working in groups - Working in groups can be even worse for an introvert than small-talk. When you must rely on others to communicate in ways that aren’t comfortable or understandable to you, it’s a real challenge to complete the project. There’s also the issue of your perfectionism too. Because of your practice of thinking through every possible issue and solution, you are committed to only turning out perfection... but others in the group don’t often care as much about this as completion, or they have a very different perception of what “perfection” is.

 

Feel lonely surrounded by people - Introverts often feel left out of a rapid conversation, whether it’s at a party or a work conference. This often occurs because, by the time you determine what you want to say and the best way to say it, the group has moved onto a new topic. You can easily feel left out and lonely during these discussions - more so than if you were actually alone.

 

Assertiveness for Better Communication

Learning to communicate effectively means that you first must first learn how to be assertive. The other options of communicating are passiveness or aggressiveness – both of which tend to alienate those you’re trying to communicate with.

 

When you learn to communicate effectively by flexing your assertive muscles, you’ll experience a boost of self-esteem and a personal confidence which will help you succeed in all areas of your life.

 

You’ll learn to be less resentful or feel inadequate or guilty about your decisions and will experience more freedom in your life. But, most of all – the way you communicate will improve your relationships, both at work and at home.

 

Assertiveness means that you’re able to express your thoughts and feelings without anger and in an appropriate and honest way. You’ll be standing up for your rights as a thinking and valuable individual and others won’t be confused about your beliefs and opinions.

 

Some techniques you should learn to become a more effective communicator are:

 

• Broken Record – This technique that you persist in expressing what you want and how you feel without bringing anger and resentment into your tone of voice. The trick is to remain calm and express your wants very clearly. Then, keep repeating your point and don’t give up unless you decide to agree to a compromise.

• Fogging – A technique which involves not responding in an anticipated manner (defensive or placating). The method is one which gives a minimal response within a conversation – rather than being argumentative. When you’re not expressing the desired effect with the person, he or she will tire of the conversation.

• Handling Positive and Negative Comments – You may have trouble responding to compliments – or to respond to negative comments about you or something you’ve done. For positive comments, you should express your assertiveness by thanking the person and to negative criticism, you should express regret that the person feels that way and then ask what, in particular, do they have a problem with.

 

As you continue to practice your assertiveness with others, you’ll find that your skills of communication will increase and you’ll have less problems dealing with people.

 

You may find methods of your own which work – like not engaging a person in arguments or being able to walk away from a bullying situation calmly and without being angry.

 

Developing interpersonal skills is a self-confidence booster which can help you with day-to-day communication with those who are close to you and those you may need to deal with on a one-time basis.

How To Communicate More Clearly

Communication is the foundation of everything we do. Whether you leave the house or not, you still communicate with others daily, be it online or in person. How well you get along with people hinges on how well you communicate. How successful you are in life hinges on how well you communicate. There are a few 'rules' that you can apply to all of your communications. 

 

Why?

 

This is specifically for work or professional communication. Often, we waste a lot of time and energy communicating when we don't actually know why we're bothering. So, think about what you would like to accomplish? 

 

This can also be applied to your personal life, even idle chit-chat can have some type of purpose, whether it's bonding or getting to know someone. 

 

When others initiate a conversation, consider why it's taking place. If you can't understand why try to gently guide the dialogue to determine the why. The purpose of this is to focus and understand the why to avoid rabbit trails and side issues that detract from the manner at hand. 

 

In-Person Communication

 

Have you ever fallen out with someone over text message? Or watched a fight unfold on social media because one person read someone else's tone wrong? If you're dealing with a highly emotional issue, then it should be addressed in person. If it's impossible to do so in-person, at least do so via video call. This goes for positive and negative emotions. If you're delivering great news then you want everyone to get sucked into your positive energy. 

 

As far as bad news or negative conversations go, it will be received better if you do the job in-person. 

 

Email Facts

 

People often lose concentration when they are being given facts and figures verbally. If you're dealing with a finance issue, statistics, or otherwise, opt for emailing this information so the other person can easily look back on the numbers when necessary. 

 

No Talking, Just Listen

 

This is applicable to in-person communication. Stop spending so much time doing all the talking and start listening. Unless you are the one who came to the table to start a conversation, give others the respect they're due when they are trying to communicate their ideas or feelings. Don't dominate conversations with your motor-mouth. 

 

Simplicity

 

We live in a society of information overload so simplify your messages. You might use five sentences, but you can probably say it with one. 

 

Five Ways Leadership Skills Help you In Your Personal Life (Infographic)

How to Communicate More Confidently

We have many opportunities to demonstrate our confidence or otherwise, but perhaps the most obvious example is when we are talking to an individual or a group.

 

Those who have low self-esteem or confidence are likely to mutter, to stutter and to avoid eye contact. Those who are highly confident and sure of themselves will speak loudly and proudly.

 

So with that in mind, how do you go about communicating as confidently as possible and helping to ensure your message comes across well while also making you look sure of yourself and of what you’re saying?

 

Speak Slowly

 

The first tip is to talk more slowly. When we are nervous, we will often speak more quickly without even realizing it. This is a result of neurotransmitters being released which slow our perception of time and which encourage rushing.

 

Simply slowing down then will greatly increase your sense of calm and authority. Not only that, but by giving people longer to hang on to what you’re saying will let your words have more impact and drama. This also suggests a trust in what you’re saying – it shows you aren’t worried people will stop listening – whereas rushing makes us seem like we’re worried people are just going to move on!

 

Watch any big celebrity talk on TV and you’ll notice they tell lots of stories and they always build suspense and use rhetorical questions. They’ll use repetition and leave big gaps. This takes huge confidence, but if you can pull it off, then you’ll have an audience eating from your hands!

 

Make Eye Contact

 

One of the most important things you can do to demonstrate confidence as you speak is to maintain eye contact. This is true if you’re speaking with just one person and it shows that you aren’t afraid to meet their gaze and to speak to them as equals. It’s also true if you’re speaking to a crowd however, in which case you need to look at everyone and to ensure they are all following and included.

 

Be Congruent

 

Finally, remember that communication is only somewhat verbal. More of what we mean is conveyed through body language and this is why it’s so important that your body language reflects what you’re saying. Be passionate and let your arms do the talking along with the words you’re saying. You’ll appear more honest, more confident and far more engaging!

 

How to Deal With Toxic People

If you have chronically low self-esteem, then there’s a good chance that this came from other people. 

 

The nasty thing about insecurity, jealousy and low esteem is that they are contagious. If you aren’t confident in yourself, then it will often cause you to become destructive and mean. You might put other people down in order to feel better about yourself and you might try to prevent others from fulfilling their potential because you don’t want to be left behind – even if this is happening in an unconscious way.

 

At the same time, low self-esteem can mean you talk other people out of taking chances or following their dreams. This is not out of malice: in this case it simply comes down to the fact that you don’t have much faith in the ability that anyone has to change their fate.

Chances are that you’ll know people like this in your life and that they could be the reason for your low self-esteem and confidence. Most upsettingly, there is a better-than-average chance that this came from your parents.

 

The number one way to raise a happy and confident child is to love them unconditionally and to believe in them 100% and support them 100%. You need to be confident in yourself to do this.

 

So, what do you do now if you’re trying to fix your low esteem but you’re surrounded by people who are dragging you down?

 

The Best Advice

 

The tip you’ll often read is that you should simply cut off contact with toxic or destructive people.

 

I’ll say that you should take this advice if anyone is being purposefully cruel or belittling. You don’t have time in your life for malicious people.

 

But if someone is doing it unintentionally, you shouldn’t just write them off: chances are they simply need help.

 

What you do in the meantime is to surround yourself with more people who are positive, supportive and who do love you unconditionally. And you always remember to view what the toxic, negative people say through a lens of logic and reason. If they are putting you down, is it because they have a genuine point? Or is it because they themselves have low esteem?

 

Finally, try to build them up too. That means you should ask them why they feel the way they do and do everything to support them. You can pull each other out of this funk, that is what friends are for after all!

 

How to Walk With Confidence

Have you ever seen someone walk into a room and immediately demand attention and respect? This is a truly quite amazing thing to witness and it demonstrates an incredible amount of confidence and poise to be able to pull off.

 

Partly, this comes down to the way we walk. Even this seemingly innocuous activity can drastically change the ‘vibes’ that we give off, and so it’s important to recognize what kinds of signals we’re putting out.

 

Walking with confidence is something that isn’t easy but you can develop it over time if you know how.

 

The Basics

 

Walking with confidence does not mean swaggering your shoulders like those kids that want to be gangsters. It doesn’t mean being aggressive and it doesn’t even necessarily mean walking quickly or walking with ‘purpose’.

 

What it means, is walking as someone who is very confident and very happy and comfortable with who they are. 

 

And as is so often the case with body language, this often comes down to the direction you’re looking and just how much space you take up. Walk with your chest pointing upwards and your chin slightly raised and you will beam happiness and confidence.

 

Walk in a hunched manner with a shuffle and you will find you look naturally shy and retiring. 

 

Often what is recommended is that you imagine a ray of light is bursting out your chest as you walk – which can transform your entire stance.

 

One more important tip? Smile as you walk. Smiling is one of the signs of confidence.

 

The Hard Part

 

Simple. Done and done!

 

Right?

 

Unfortunately, it’s not quite that easy. Because I imagine you’ve been walking for a long time. Probably since you were about 1…

 

Which means some habits will be deeply ingrained and they can be hard to shake.

 

And remembering to do these things is very hard indeed. It comes down to mindfulness and of being a little bit aware of how you act and what you do. 

 

One way to instil this new behavior then is to look for a trigger or a prompt. A good one is passing through thresholds and doorways. In other words, every time you walk into a new room, remember the chest trick!

 

Another way is to practice mindfulness in general. This is a powerful and very useful skill that makes us more aware of ourselves in a non-judgement way.

 

Body Language for Confidence

There are many different things that will both influence your confidence and also be influenced by your confidence. Confidence is often a somewhat circular subject matter and this can often make it hard to know where to start.

 

This is the case with body language. Being confident gives you better body language. But having better body language also makes you more confident!

 

What Does Confident Body Language Look Like?

 

Confident body language basically involves looking relaxed and calm. Many of us assume that confident body language will necessarily involve looking menacing or intimidating, but the reality is that this makes us look defensive.

 

Likewise, attempting to look aloof or cool will simply make you look like a try hard. Remember the kids at school who smoked in their leather jackets and were just kind of tragic?

 

Being truly confident means you have nothing to prove, it means you aren’t overly concerned what other people think and it means you’re able to relax because you feel unthreatened. 

 

For instance, while some people might think that having their arms crossed makes them seem aloof and indifferent, the reality is that it makes them look guarded and uncertain.

 

In contrast, if you have your arms apart and your legs apart, you are allowing yourself to be vulnerable. This instantly makes you seem far more confident because you aren’t concerned about threat from others and because you’re allowing yourself to take up lots of space!

 

Look comfy and you look calm. Look calm and you appear confident!

 

More Signs of Confidence

 

There are other signs that you are confident that go beyond comfort of course. One example is the subtle indication of ownership. There are many ways you can subtly imply ownership but the most common is touching. If you learn against a doorway, or if you put your arm across the back of the sofa, it creates the impression that you feel almost as though you own that thing. 

 

That’s why leaning on a wall or doorframe is a surefire way to communicate a lot of self-confidence.

 

The same actually goes for touching people. And this is why touching someone on the shoulder can make you seem much more confident – especially if it is done in an encouraging and non-threatening way.

 

Remember though: body language is best read as a whole. It’s not so much a matter of each individual aspect of your body language that will convey a sentiment as it is the entire package. 

 

5 Examples of Body Language and What They Show

Learning to read body language is a skill that takes years to master. The good news is, you can start at any time, and with a few simple tips, you can start the process. Below are five examples of body language and what they mean so you can start learning to read body language. 

 

1.    Arms Crossed Across the Chest

 

Crossed arms are perhaps the most common form of body language you will come across, and most people have at least a slight indication of what it means. Standing with your arms crossed is typically interpreted as defensive or closed off to new experiences. It usually means someone doesn't want to converse with you. Be careful, however, as occasionally it can mean someone is just cold.

 

2.    Tapping Fingers on a Surface

 

Another common body language is the tapping of fingers on a surface. You probably see this while you are at work, or maybe at a coffee shop. The tapping of the fingers indicates impatience and usually means that the person is waiting for someone. Knowing this could help you strike up a conversation next time you are also waiting for something. 

 

3.    Tilting the Head to One Side

 

Have you ever been talking to someone when they suddenly start tilting their head to the side? It is a good sign, as this particular aspect of body language means the individual is listening and interested in what you are saying. It can also be a sign of concentration, but either way, it means you have someone's attention. 

 

4.    Crossing Your Legs

 

Many people don't realize that crossing your legs is also body language and typically not a good one, as it can indicate you are uncomfortable. Please pay close attention when someone crosses their legs, though, as crossing them at the ankle rather than the knee can also indicate that they are hiding something. The direction their knee points will also indicate who they may be uncomfortable around. 

 

5.    Pulling on the Ear

 

Have you ever discussed something with a friend or coworker and noticed them pulling their ear? This form of body language can mean the individual is trying to make a decision but hasn't yet decided. This aspect of body language can come in handy when trying to make a business deal with another company! 

 

Overall, it will take lots of practice to learn to read all aspects of body language. But with these five examples, you will have a good head start as you learn what each motion means. So next time you are in a social situation, watch for these five forms of body language!