5 Mental Tricks to Combat Your Fears

The emotional reaction to a perceived threat is fear. This is a normal and healthy response in life which keeps us from getting into harmful situations; it also helps us decide when to get out of situations that are not essentially the best. Ordinarily, fear can be handled through reason and logic. This prevents it from taking over our lives or causing us to become irrational. Fear can metamorphosize into phobia, such that the normal fear response becomes something that is hard or impossible to manage. As a result, it can stunt your overall development as a person. In addition to hindering you from achieving your true potential, fear can be an obstruction to many great things in life.

 

We discovered some mental tricks to combat your fears and we'll share 5 of them below.

 

1. Think About Death

 

Every day, every minute someone dies - both the young and old. Thinking about death will remind you that no one lives forever. It will give you the boldness to really fight for what is important to you, therefore it is a great idea to embrace life, living to the fullest. Today you are presented with an opportunity to do what you should do. Do not let your fears condition you to rely on tomorrow for tomorrow may not come to you.

 

2. Think About the Enormity of the Universe

 

Thinking about the vastness of the world and all that is in it will help you see that everything is in order in the complex creation. Neither the stars nor planets collide with each other. Now see how small your challenges compare to the immensity of the world. That's how insignificant you'll begin to see your fear.

 

3. Think About Your Life As Your Dream

 

View your life as your dream - it belongs to you. no one else can live it better than you do. In this dream, you can influence the experiences you face and your reaction to them. When you're asleep and you dream, you're never worried about what others think about you - do the same with your life. As long as your acts aren't devious or evil, don't worry about the consequences. Your life, your dream, you only live once!

 

4. Think About Doing Your Best and Do it

 

Get rid of any negative thoughts about failure, embarrassment and the likes and jut put your best foot forward. Many of those who, at one time, had the fear of speaking in public embraced this trick and it worked for them. Turn your focus away from yourself toward what you're doing and deliver it as best as you can. If you couldn't do it, you wouldn't have had this chance - think about it.

 

5. Think About Your Fears As Relative 

 

Putting things into perspective will help you see your challenges or fears as relative - nothing is too awful or too significant. Remember how anxious you were when you took that important exam? Or when you walked down the aisle to spend the rest of your life with your spouse? Think of fear as relative.

 

We hope that you'll use at least one, if not all 5 mental tricks to combat your fears. Let us know how they worked for you.

 

5 Ways To Be More Confident

If you feel that you need to take yourself out of a situation where other people undermine your abilities or you just need to challenge limiting beliefs that were formed years ago, you need to work on your self-confidence. Actually, self-confidence refers to assuredness in your own power and ability to overcome any kind of situation. So, if you don't have a strong sense of belief in yourself, the following are 5 ways to be more confident.

 

1. Get rid of negative thoughts

 

It's important for you to know how to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. This is mainly why negative thoughts, as well as any kind of insecurities, usually pop-up in your mind. In fact, you need to learn to be aware of your self-talk, when it's negative, and be able to get rid of it. Instead, you can think all the amazing things that happen to you right now and focus on them. Even though it's not easy to do so, with a little training you can control your mind over insecurities and negative ideas.

 

2. Focus on solutions

 

If you focus more on problems and complain about them than trying to find any possible solutions, you need to change your focus as soon as possible. For example, instead of trying to figure out why you are facing a difficult situation, you can try to find the best solutions you can, in order to resolve the problem. In fact, by trying to find new ideas that will help you with your problem is one of the best things you can actually do for your confidence.

 

3. Get prepared

 

When you think that you are not going to perform well at something, it's hard to be confident in yourself. You can actually beat this feeling, by preparing as much as possible for any hard situation. For example, if you need to make a presentation for your work in front of an audience, you need to be prepared well; learn everything about your subject and study as much as you can. This way, you'll be able to perform better and you'll eventually feel more confident.

 

4. Set small goals

 

Many people usually make the mistake of making really big plans and as a result they get easily discouraged. Even if it's great to 'dream big', it's better to start by setting a small goal that you know you can achieve. This is going to give you more joy and you will feel more powerful in achieving your small goals. As a result, soon you'll be setting bigger ones.

 

5. Know yourself better

 

If you are trying to overcome a negative self-image and you really want to replace it with confidence, you only enemy is yourself. So, it's crucial to get to know yourself well. For instance, you can start by listening to your thoughts and try to analyze them. Then, you need to thing about all the good things about yourself, such as the thinks you can do great and you like and think about if your limitations are real.

 

10 Rational Fears

Rational fears have to be the most difficult to concur. This is mostly because they are things that could actually happen, or things that have happened to someone you know. When trying to deal with rational fears, the best form of defense will be a support group, some therapy and safe guarding yourself as best as you can to avoid situations that will give those fears a higher probability of occurring. 

 

Here are 10 rational fears that most of us have:

 

Fear of being lonely: Many of us despise being alone. This is when you get into your own head and start thinking dark, uncomfortable thoughts. Solution is to find more ways to be sociable. 

 

Fear of losing a limb: Most of us cannot fathom living without any one of our limbs. The best way to avoid this fear is to find ways to safe-guard yourself from unnecessary and preventable accidents. 

 

Fear of losing: No one likes losing at anything. Unfortunately, every now and again you are going to lose at something. The best way to deal with this is to prepare yourself well for any test and to treat failure as a lesson rather than a proclamation of your status. 

 

Fear of poverty: We all want nice things. The solution is to work hard, smart and keep going until you get what you want, legally. 

 

Fear of contamination and diseases: No one likes being sick. The pain of disease has created a rational fear of contamination and infection in many. The solution is to live as healthily as you can and to avoid contamination as much as possible. 

 

Fear of discrimination: It is no longer just about black or white. People of all walks of life get discriminated against in many different ways. Although you cannot control what someone else does, you can control your reaction to it. If sensitization does not work, simply walk away and try again someplace else.

 

Fear of losing your job: This will mean unemployment, poverty and in the most extreme of cases, homelessness and hopelessness. To safe guard yourself here, work diligently, make yourself indispensable and as a back-up plan, work on a business plan should everything go South, you can be self-employed. 

 

Fear of confrontation: In life, there is going to be conflict. As much as some of us love, many of us would rather avoid confrontation. Be as calm as you possibly can and approach every volatile situation with a level head. 

 

Fear of being ridiculed: No one likes being ridiculed. Try your best not to put yourself in such a situation, but should it happen, brush it off with a light touch and forget about it. Obsessing over it will create animosity and hostility within you. 

 

Fear of pain: Pain of any kind, be it physical or emotional is never really ideal. Unfortunately, in life, you are going to experience some pain. The best way to deal with this is to simply learn how to deal with it. Every situation is different. 

 

These are 10 rational fears that many of us face. The list of irrational fears is much longer and stranger.

Overcoming Fear: How to Challenge Yourself Everyday

Fear serves a useful function. It keeps us safe by placing us in a high state of alert when we sense danger. But irrational or illogical fear can also limit our lives and keep us from rising to new challenges. In those with anxiety disorder, the normal nervous system response to a threat is easily aroused and difficult to subdue. Fear can cause physical and psychological symptoms that sabotage our goals.

 

Fortunately, there are a few simple ways to challenge yourself and lean into fear.

 

Recognize that fear is a universal emotion, one you are vulnerable to. In her book “The Gifts of Imperfection, researcher Dr. Brene Brown said that, “Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” 

 

The first step is to be honest and admit you are afraid. The second step is to choose to be brave. Realize that fear is mostly a learned response and it’s possible to recondition a fear response. Fear is controlled by the amygdala, a set of neurons located in the brain's medial temporal lobe. 

 

When the amygdala receives a danger warning, logical or not, stress hormones begin to flood the body. We learn to fear based on our experiences, but we can de-program fear by confronting the things we are most afraid of. Talk about fear to defuse it. 

 

People who are afraid of public speaking, for example, attend Toastmasters International meetings where they share and confront their fears with like-minded individuals. Trick your mind by imagining a best case/worst case scenario. You dread asking for a raise and your mind races with awful possibilities. 

 

One way to calm such fears is to imagine the best case/worst case scenarios. First imagine that all will go as well as it possibly could. You ask for a raise and the boss realize you deserve twice your current salary. Great. Then imagine the worst possible scenario. He’s so insulted you asked that he fires you on the spot. 

 

The reality will probably fall somewhere in between. And that’s generally the case. Remember the "10" rule. You can do most things for 10 minutes even if you fear that you will be able to finish the entire project. Tell yourself you can make it through 10 minutes, and then tell yourself that again until the job is done.

 

If fear overwhelms your life and prevents you from challenging yourself, don’t be afraid to seek professional help. 

The Issue of Adult Self-Esteem

Often the issue of self-esteem is discussed within the context of a teenager or a child. However, the fact remains that issues of self-esteem can permeate well into adulthood as well. 

 

The main difference is that children and teenagers are often cut a little slack for their poor self-esteem and its resultant problems. On the other hand, with adults that forgiveness is not always as forthcoming because they should “know better”. 

 

How can they know better if they were never taught those skills in the first place? Adults may not have had role modeled to them a healthy example of self-esteem from their parents simply because they weren’t in any position to give it, but it’s never too late. As adults there are many places and resources you can tap into to learn healthy self-esteem habits, at any age. Search online, visit your local library or bookstore or even consider counseling to talk about it.

 

Adult self-esteem issues often revolve around the individual seeking to overcompensate for his/her perceived failings. They become obsessed with the notion people will look down on them unless they achieve or excel. Drive and motivation are good things because they prompt us to stretch beyond our capabilities, however there are times when this is in excess and too much of a good thing isn’t all good.

 

For example, low adult self-esteem issues can lead someone to swing to the extreme and become a workaholic. This way, the individual can draw a sense of accomplishment through the time invested in work. Such an approach may work to some degree but what is sacrificed in the process? At what price does this come? Time with family and friends, lost opportunities to strengthen and fortify bonds and create memories. Memories that never happened because of absence and life, sadly moves on without them.

 

Another symptom of adult self-esteem issues is overcompensating by becoming argumentative, narcissistic or developing the “know it all” attitude which is self-destructive costing them precious relationships, because after all, who wants to be around someone like that?

 

There are ways adults can rebuild their self-esteem and they can kick start it with something as basic as making a list of the things that are positive in their lives, although at first this may seem challenging and they might require the assistance of a friend to help them compile their list. Write down what you have achieved in your life no matter how little the achievement was. Make a list of your strong points and eliminate the weak aspects of your life. Once you have done this you will begin to feel better about yourself. 

 

However, doing this exercise does not offer a long-term solution but will provide immediate relief. When it comes to a long-term fix, a person needs to sit down and think about how they can change the way they view life, how they react to the people and situations around them.

 

Clear out the negative thinking patterns and replace them with constructive positive thoughts and each time you find yourself reverting back to negative habits, immediately disrupt the old train of thinking and fill it with something positive. 

 

If you want a more detailed plan on how to increase your own self-esteem then grab your free report now and find out more.

 

Taking An Online Test To Determine Your Self-Esteem

A new fad on the internet is the ability to take a series of psychological tests to determine your current mood or mental state. 

 

A common questionnaire in this vein is the “Low Self-esteem Test” and some may wonder how valid it is. Many people take these tests for fun while others take them out of serious concern for their own well-being. While it certainly does not hurt to take such tests, you need to be aware that these tests are not the equivalent as an evaluation by a mental health professional. While it’s good to take note of the results from a low self-esteem test you also need to take it with a grain of salt and here’s the reason why.

 

First and foremost, the average run of the mill low self-esteem test you’re bound to find online is not necessarily a scientific one. The questions may be drawn from different academic psychological resources but they are often not the official test employed by mental health professionals to make a proper valid diagnosis. This means the results of a low self-esteem test may not reveal the true severity of low self-esteem as some of the tests are not sensitive or detailed enough to give a true and accurate result. Also, the factors and underlying causes of the problem may not be thoroughly reflected in the average low self-esteem test online. 

 

Additionally, when you take a low self-esteem test in the offices of a professional you will be asked the questions orally by the person administering the test. This means the administrating representative can gauge your reactions, inflections, and tone. The administering official can ask follow up questions in order to clarify responses. This further aids in the ability to help the person taking the test. Further tests can be performed to clarify other areas of concern. Why is all this done during a low self-esteem test? so that the core of the issue can be unveiled leading to the proper course of treatment. 

 

Does that mean if you take a low self-esteem test online you should not take the results seriously? On the contrary, you would want to take any low self-esteem test seriously when it presents results that may be a cause for concern. However, it is best to avoid taking steps that would be considered self-diagnoses and seek guidance from a qualified therapist or mental health care professional.

 

If you would like to know more about your self-esteem and steps that you can take to improve yours or that of a loved one then feel free to get your free report now to find out how.

 

Can Comparing Yourself To Others Be Good For You?

The answer to this is a resounding “Yes” if you do this in the right way. What most people tend to do is compare themselves to others as some form of validation for themselves or because of envy or some other negative emotion.

 

The secret to comparing yourself to others for your benefit is to do it on the premise that you want to improve yourself. You want to achieve a specific goal and another person has already achieved this goal so you can learn from them and then use similar strategies in your own life.

 

You must have the right Intent

 

Having the right intent for comparing yourself to another person is critical. What we do not recommend you do is compare yourself to someone else that you know is not as good as you in a specific area so that you can give your ego a boost. Avoid this kind of “self-validation”.

 

You may get a temporary ego boost from a self-validation comparison but this can backfire on you very badly. If you don’t know the person that you are comparing to very well then you have no idea what they are capable of. If you challenge them and they end up being better than you at your specialty then this can destroy your self-esteem.

 

Think about why you want to make the comparison. Let’s say that you want to be a successful business manager and there is a manager in your office who always seems to make the right decisions and has the level of confidence that you want to achieve. 

 

You want to find out how they got to their position and how they maintain their confidence. This is specific intent and you are in the right frame of mind to make the comparison. You are not jealous that this person is a manager and you are not. It is all about learning from the person so that you can improve your life.

 

Consume other relevant information

 

The person in your office is not the only good business manager out there. Many have written books and some have their own blog. These days it is easier than it ever has been before to get the information that you need.

 

Once you have decided that you want to be a top-notch business manager consume everything that you can about the subject and keep looking for new material. Modeling the business manager, you know is a good step forward but you can always do more.

 

If you are not a fan of reading then go to YouTube and find relevant videos there. You will be sure to find what you are looking for. Also look for forums on your subject and join them and participate. Ask questions and most people will be happy to help.

 

Be careful of your Self-View

 

You have a view about yourself that you formed over many years. This self-view tells you that you things like you are smart, good looking, talented and so on. We all need this self-view because it defines how you see the world around you and helps you to figure everything out.

 

The problem is that if you believe something in your self-view and something challenges this then there is conflict. So, if you believe that you know a lot about business and someone tells you that you need to learn more about business then this is difficult to take. Relax your self-view and take on board any constructive criticisms.

How To Love Yourself More When You Worry About What Others Think

How do you feel about the concept of self-love? Some will think that this is narcissistic and a very selfish act. But the truth is that it isn’t. What self-love really is about is having a high opinion of yourself and be able to feel happy whenever you want.

 

If you worry about what other people think about you too much you can become overly dependent on them to give you permission to be happy. This is not where you want to be. In this situation you have very little self-love and can only be happy when others tell you that you have done something right or that you deserve it.

 

It is important that you work on your self-love so that you can be more independent from others. There is an old saying along the lines of “you need to love yourself first before you can truly love someone else”. This is very true so in this article we will give you some powerful techniques to improve your self-love.

 

Change your Beliefs

 

If you are letting other people control your life then you will probably have beliefs that are driving you to do this. Each time that you act on these beliefs you will strengthen them. The good news is that you can change these beliefs and replace them with empowering beliefs that will increase your self-love and your independence.

 

This all starts by identifying the beliefs that are causing the dependency. Get a pen and paper and write down the thoughts that you have which drive you to require approval from others all of the time. Once you have established these beliefs you can use techniques to slowly eradicate them and replace them with more positive beliefs.

 

Create Empowering Affirmations

 

If you don’t use positive affirmations then it is time to start today. Write a list of positive things about yourself so that you can say them out loud or in your head at least once a day. Imagine if someone was complimenting you. What would they say?

 

Write all of these down and create an affirmations list. You will need to carry these around with you all of the time because they can be a great way to give you a self-love boost if you are feeling down. We recommend that you read your affirmations twice a day, once in the morning and once at night.

 

Neutralize Negative Self Talk

 

Do you experience a lot of negative thoughts about yourself on a regular basis? We all have self-talk going on in our heads and if this is largely negative then your self-love will be down in the dumps. You need to take control of these negative self-thoughts in order to improve your self-love.

 

Each time you experience a negative thought neutralize it with a positive one. So, for example if the thought is “you cannot make a decision for yourself” neutralize this with “I am a powerful decision maker and always make the best decisions”.

 

Show Gratitude Regularly

 

How grateful are you for the things that you have in your life? We are not just talking about possessions here but other things such as the love of your family and your health. Start being grateful each day for what you have.

 

Write down each day three things that you are grateful for and read them and think about how they make you feel. It doesn’t matter what these things are. You could be grateful for that mundane job that puts food on your table. Or just be grateful for being alive another day.

 

How To Set Personal Boundaries To Lessen Your Dependence On Others

Do you spend a large amount of your time trying to please others? Do you think that this is the only way that can make yourself happy? If you do then it is time for you to change. The most effective way to do this is to set up personal boundaries so that you can lessen your dependence on other people to be truly happy.

 

Without any boundaries in place other people will believe that they can treat you just how they want to. A boundary is really just a set of rules that you live by and others have to abide by in their dealings with you.

 

When you set up effective personal boundaries you are on your way to establishing healthier relationships with other people as well as yourself. Each of your boundaries specify what you will permit in your life and what you will not.

 

With each boundary you create there can be physical or emotional components or both. Think about your boundaries of the start of your independence and your safety net. Once you have decided what your boundaries will be you need to tell others what they are. If someone then tries to violate one of your boundaries you need to let them know they have done this.

 

So here we will take a look at some of the most effective personal boundaries that you can establish.

 

Setting Boundaries is not a Selfish Act

 

Before we get into the specific boundaries you can set, we want you to realize that this is not a selfish act. This will be healthy for you and it can be good for those around you too. When you set boundaries, you are telling others how you see a healthy relationship working. It doesn’t mean that you want people out of your life for good.

 

Start with Small Boundaries first

 

If people have been walking all over you for a long time to get what they want it will be a major shock for them that you are going to introduce boundaries. So it is best to make some small changes to begin with on your journey to independence and freedom.

 

Perhaps you have a full calendar of appointments and tasks that are all based around helping others. A good first step could be to get rid of some of these commitments so that you can have more time for yourself. Be prepared for some resistance here but persevere with it. In time people will get the message.

 

Be Realistic

 

We absolutely encourage you to set goals for yourself to improve your life and lessen your dependency on others. But we ask that you are realistic about this in terms of the time that you have available.

 

If you want to learn a new skill and you need to attend school to do this is this a practical solution for you? You can certainly cut out some of your commitments to free up more time but if you have young children is it practical for you to attend school? Find a practical solution and go for it.

 

Create a Speaking Out boundary

 

Do you speak your mind? Most people that are at the beck and call of others a lot do not do this. Since they were a child, they have been told to put the needs of others first and not to question anything. But sometimes things get too much and you have to speak out.

 

This is not going to be an easy one for you at first if you are not used to speaking out but persist with it anyway. Learn how to be more assertive rather than antagonistic. With any boundary you set it is important to stick by it no matter how uncomfortable it gets.

 

Why Do We Compare Ourselves To Others?

The first thing to say here is that it is totally natural for you to want to compare yourself with others so there is no reason to feel bad about this. What is important is how these comparisons make you feel about yourself.

 

When you think about it if you don’t compare yourself to other people how can you know where you stand and how well you are doing? Since you were a child, you learned to compare yourself to others. It is hardwired into your brain, but this doesn’t mean that you cannot change your approach to comparisons so that they benefit you.

 

The Festinger Research

 

Nowadays there is a lot of research work into why people compare themselves to others but back in the 1950’s there was hardly any. At that time there was a social psychologist called Leon Festinger that had a strong interest in the subject so he decided to run a number of studies on why people compared themselves to others.

 

After he completed the studies, he concluded two things:

• People like to compare themselves to others as a way of reducing the uncertainty in their lives.

• Comparing themselves with others provided them with clues of how they should think and behave.

 

This was a revolutionary breakthrough in psychology at the time. What Festinger discovered was that each one of us do not have the capability intrinsically or on our own to define who we are. We need to use comparisons with other people to achieve this.

 

Another important breakthrough was that when there is a huge gap between one person and another in terms of say intellect, ability, character and so on that there would be less chance of a comparison occurring.

 

He concluded from this that we are far more likely to make comparisons with people that we consider to be similar to ourselves than those that are totally different. So as an example, it is far more likely for you to compare yourself with another team member at work than it is to make a comparison with the CEO.

 

Importance Matters

 

We all have people in our lives that we consider important. In this situation you will experience a lot more pressure to try and be like these people. So if they have a specific opinion about something then you will try to conform to that opinion because you think that the person is very important.

 

So if you ask someone important in your life for some advice about something, you are far more likely to accept their advice than you are if you asked the same question online and a total stranger offered different advice. You are not objectively weighing up the two sets of advice you received.

 

Two Different Reasons to Compare yourself to others

 

As with most things in life there is a good and a bad way to make comparisons with other people. The bad way can provide you with some short-term benefits but if it goes wrong it can cause you a great deal of pain. The good method will not create any pain in your life at all and should be beneficial always.

 

The bad way to compare yourself to others is to do it to validate how good you are. You choose a person that you know is weaker than you in an area that you excel and use this for an ego boost. 

 

The good way is to make comparisons for your own development. You want to achieve a specific goal so you seek out people that have already done this and learn from them. Can you see the difference here?

 

Why Comparing Yourself To Others Can Be Destructive

Everyone compares themselves to others from time to time. It is a natural thing for humans to do. But often these comparisons can be really destructive. When you compare yourself to another person for the wrong reasons you are actually looking at how your worth as a person compares to yours.

 

There are some people that have got into the habit of comparing themselves to others so much that they do it on an almost daily basis, and sometimes more than once a day. They do it with their friends and family, at work with their colleagues and even with famous people. So why can this be so bad for you to do?

 

Bitterness and Anger

 

You are at work and you get the news that another coworker has received a promotion. This person is younger than you and joined the team later than you did. In your opinion they are just average and they didn’t deserve to get promoted before you did.

 

So what happens here? You go into a negative thought spiral that runs around in your head for most of the day. “How dare they promote this person before me!” The negative spiral makes you start to doubt your own ability so you experience thoughts like “I am not good enough” and “nobody here respects me”.

 

What you are not taking into account is that this person has been attending night classes to learn about business and management. They have also taken on projects that you would never take on because they could go wrong and that is just too risky for you.

 

You are totally bitter about this situation. Every time you arrive in the office the negative thought spiral kicks in. Now your bitterness towards this person has turned to anger and you do everything that you can to avoid them. The person invites you to celebrate with them but you find an excuse not to attend.

 

Before this person received the promotion you had no problem with them at all. You used to talk to them all the time and even laugh and joke with them. Now everything has changed. You are just bitter and resentful. 

 

This is a very bad situation. Every time you go to your office you feel bitterness and anger. This is not good for your health or your self-esteem. You are not interested in the back story and the person’s efforts to achieve promotion. You have not done any of these things and expect everything to just fall into your lap.

 

Impact on Self-esteem

 

One of the most dangerous things about negative comparisons is the harm that it does to your self-esteem. You probably don’t realize this is happening but you are thinking that you were overlooked for promotion because you are not good enough.

 

When your self-esteem takes a hit like this it can be devastating for you. If you rant and rave about the situation to others in your team then they quickly tire of your complaining and you can lose their support. This in turn makes your self-esteem crash even more.

What you can do?

 

Try to see the positive side of things rather than the negative. Find out how the person got the promotion and use this as inspiration so that you can embark on a similar journey. Whining and complaining when things like this happen will get you nowhere. It will just make you feel terrible and can lead to lots of other problems.