Life After Divorce: Landing On Your Feet

Someone once said that to move on after a relationship takes half the time you spent together. So, if you were in a one-year relationship, it’s okay if you take six months to wallow and reminisce.

 

Yet, that can be much harder to apply to divorce. The waiting period for getting over a marriage that quite possibly spanned the better part of a decade, probably longer, surely takes time. But, you can’t spend the next couple of years of your life feeling sorry for yourself, crying over the marriage that wasn’t meant to be.

 

Your only option is to find ways to get back up and land on your feet. We’re confident that you’ll find yourself again in your time. But, in the meantime, here are a few tips to help get you started.

 

1. Change Your Viewpoint

 

After you’ve been with your partner for so long, it’s natural to feel like you’ve strayed from who you are as an individual. So, after a divorce, you have to re-adjust the way you look at things.

 

Getting a divorce is no longer the stigma that it once was. Just because you’re not with someone doesn’t mean your life is empty or meaningless.

 

On the contrary, you can schedule more time to spend time with friends and family. In addition, you’ll notice that you have more freedom to choose new furniture and try out new recipes.

 

2. Learn from Setbacks

 

Setbacks are disheartening for anyone. Yet, they seem to be more caustic when you’re going through a divorce because, let’s face it, it’s a pretty painful stage of life. There’s no way to sugar-coat it.

 

But, you can teach yourself to make the most of each setback. For example, painful as it may be, you have to look at what went wrong in your relationship.

 

Don’t lay blame; simply lay out the facts. This way, you can use that anger and disappointment to understand what you want and don’t want in a relationship.

 

You can also take this time to work on your own insecurities and failings. As a result, you’ll move from feeling helpless and weak to feeling more empowered and capable.

 

3. Give Yourself Credit

 

As you pick up your life piece by piece, don’t fall into the bottomless pit of feeling sorry for yourself. Instead, be proud of all your hard work and how far you’ve come.

 

You may still not be at the point in your life where you’re making real progress, but you’ve taken plenty of positive steps forward. Celebrate those.

 

For example, give yourself credit if you’ve just made a phone call you’ve been dreading or learned how to do something that was previously your partner’s domain. Those little successes in your daily life should be valued and celebrated.

 

4. Be Grateful for What You Have

 

One way to land on your feet after a divorce is to count your blessings. Look around you at the things you have and the people who care for you. Register as many positives as you can to help you appreciate your life now just as it is.

 

Then, any time you begin to feel sorry for yourself, remember those moments when you felt unheard and unloved by your partner. You probably felt lonely and dejected.

 

Compare that with the support your friends and family give you. Even if you’re on your own, you now have the freedom to go out and make new friends. You can try volunteering, enrolling in a class, or simply becoming a more active member of your community.

 

5. Schedule Things to Look Forward To

 

After a divorce, you’ll find that you probably have more free time than before. You have to learn how to use that time wisely.

 

Don’t spend it all catching up on chores, work, and running errands. Instead, carve out some time for yourself each day–even if it’s just for five minutes.

 

Doing things that you enjoy, like gardening, painting, or just taking a walk, can help lower stress and anxiety. It can also brighten up your mood and add a bit of happiness to your day.

 

Other ideas include:

 

• Joining a book club

• Attend a local art gallery

• Go to a museum

• Host game night and invite a few friends over

 

Conclusion

 

Think of divorce as the end of one path and the start of a new one. But on this one, you’ll do most of the walking alone.

 

The trick is to not look at it as something scary. Instead, take this time to rediscover yourself and embark on a new adventure full of exciting possibilities.

 

5 Starter Steps to Self-Improvement

Let’s start by acknowledging that we’re fantastic just the way we are! Everything you’ve done and everything you are makes you you, which is a pretty terrific individual!

That said, we have to be honest with ourselves and say that there are things we’d like to see change. Maybe it’s how you deal with challenges or what you do when confronted with a disrespectful colleague.

 

These little habits or tendencies may not only be frustrating, but they could also be standing in the way of you getting an awesome promotion. So, why let them?

 

Below are five starter steps to self-improvement and feeling phenomenal about yourself.

 

Take a look.

 

1. Get to Know You

 

We take for granted that we know what we want. But unfortunately, no one teaches us how to determine our likes and dislikes, hopes and dreams. And it can take years until we actually know who we are.

 

One of the most important steps of self-improvement is understanding yourself. So, get curious about what makes you who you are. Once you become familiar with all the layers, you can start making the changes you need to improve.

 

Look at yourself objectively and ask yourself these questions:

 

• What’s my biggest motivator?

• What do I enjoy doing?

• Who are my biggest supporters?

• What are my core values?

• What do I worry about?

• What are my strengths and weaknesses?

 

2. Sleep Well

 

If you’re a night owl or just like partying, then you have to put your obligations first. It’s okay to go out with friends and enjoy a night out once a month. Yet, it’s a whole different ball game when you spend every night watching mindless hours of TV or scrolling through social media.

 

That’s ruining your cognitive abilities, as well as your physical health. Plus, it’s wasting tons of hours when you could have been doing something else.

 

According to the Sleep Foundation, the average adult needs between 7–9 hours of sleep each night. Getting that quality sleep will help you wake up fresh, energized, and ready to embark on a new day.

 

Besides keeping you focused and alert, good sleep boosts your immune system, reduces stress, and helps you maintain your weight. In addition, sleep can lower the risk of chronic diseases, such as heart disease and Type-2 diabetes.

 

3. Work Out

 

Your physical well-being has a direct impact on your mental and emotional state. Therefore, being healthy is important to living a high-quality lifestyle and not fearing what needs to be changed or improved.

 

More importantly, through regular exercise and eating healthy foods, you fuel your body and mind. So, you stop aching all over and start feeling energized.

 

You can go up a flight of stairs without feeling like your heart is about to pop out of your chest. Walking becomes your new mode of transportation, and your clothes look better than ever on you.

 

Combined, these things factor in on how you feel about yourself. When you look good, your self-esteem gets a nice boost. You become more confident to try new things or meet new people.

 

4. Stay Curious

 

Make a habit of learning something new each day for the rest of your life. Being exposed to new ways of thinking and doing has the power of changing the quality of your thoughts.

 

You get to see things from a different perspective, which gives you insight into new information. As a result, you can start changing how you live for the better.

 

Being curious doesn’t always have to be for young, eager children. You can do the same thing at any age to help you stay alert and active.

 

After all, if we’re not learning and growing, then we’re dying. Check out some ways to keep learning at any age:

 

• Read 1–2 books each week

• Take an online course

• Sign up for a class at your local community center

• Do something that scares you once a month

 

5. Celebrate Your Successes

 

No one knows about celebrating successes perhaps better than Nelson Mandela. He said, “Remember to celebrate milestones as you prepare for the road ahead.”

 

Make a habit of recognizing your hard work and accomplishments and the sacrifices you made to get there. Be proud of your progress and how you feel about everything you’ve learned in the process.

 

When you look back and know what you’re capable of achieving, you get a fresh insight into what needs to be tweaked for the next challenge. Then, you can make changes where needed to keep moving forward and improving day by day!

5 Choices That Support Mental Health

When a person suffers from a mental health illness, such as depression or anxiety, the first-line treatments are usually mental therapies and medicines. What isn't always talked about are the variable lifestyle choices that affect our mental health. 

 

According to Psychology Today, "That’s a lamentable oversight because lifestyle changes—things as simple as nutrition and exercise—can have a significant impact on quality of life, for any of us, but especially for those dealing with issues such as depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia. They can also help minimize the development of risk factors that can lead to conditions like diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and hypertension, all of which are seen at higher rates in those with mental illness, the study noted."

 

Making beneficial life choices can be uplifting. While time and financial constraints may restrict a few people's capacities to make such choices, we all can make small but significant changes.

 

Here Are Five Lifestyle Choices To Get You Started:

 

1. Make Healthy Diet Choices

 

According to studies, our diet can impact our mental health, both positively and negatively. According to new research from the University of Warwick, fruits and vegetables are associated with improved mental health. 

 

This is significant because mental well-being—feelings of enthusiasm, joy, self-esteem, and resilience—can help to safeguard not only against mental health issues but also physical illnesses.

 

2. Cut Back On Your Vices

 

Managing problem drinking or substance abuse is a no-brainer in terms of both mental and physical health. People with alcohol and drug problems are more likely than the general population to suffer from a mental illness, and their health outcomes are far worse. 

 

According to the Substance Abuse And Mental Health Services Administration, SAMHSA,

 

In 2020, 50.0% of people aged 12 or older (or 138.5 million people) used alcohol in the past month (2020 NSDUH)

 

Among the 138.5 million people who were current alcohol users, 61.6 million people (or 44.4%) were classified as binge drinkers and 17.7 million people (28.8% of current binge drinkers and 12.8% of current alcohol users) were classified as heavy drinkers (2020 NSDUH)

 

According to the WebMD, side effects of alcohol consumption include:

 

• Worsening of mental health after the calm feeling fades

• Hangovers including headaches and nausea and vomiting

• Post-alcohol anxiety and/or depression

 

3. Spend Time In Quiet

 

We live in a noisy world. When we are outside, we are encircled by cars honking and public noises created by individuals, and the general hustle and bustle of the surroundings. When we are inside all day, such as at a desk, we are encircled by sounds from dialogues, texting, cell phones, office equipment, and so on. 

 

We also have noises from TVs or radios inside our homes. Our phones are always buzzing, with notifications and of course the very loud call of social media. 

 

Getting some quiet private time can do wonders for our mental health. This will result in more focused thoughts throughout the day. You can even try meditation, which promotes mental health.

 

4. Use Stress Reduction Methods

 

Mental illness sustains stress, and stress sustains mental illness. Taking measures to reduce stress in your life can help to break this destructive cycle. 

 

According to LifeHack, "There are many forms of stress. People do not even realize they suffer from stress. Still, the buildup of small and regular negative thoughts and energy could negatively impact your mental and even physical health. Stress can cause poor mental health in various disorders such as depression and anxiety, personality changes, bipolar disorder, problem behaviors, cognitive (thinking) problems, etc."

 

Effective Stress Management Techniques:

 

• Yoga

• Meditation

• Rest and relaxation

• Progressive Muscle Relaxation

• Deep Breathing

• Eliminating sources of great stress

• Distractions

• Tai Chi

• Unplug

• Spend time doing things that bring you joy

 

5. Discuss Your Problem With Someone

 

If you have things or an issue on your mind, getting it off your chest can help you a lot. It is important to remember that desiring assistance implies strength, not weakness. It has been said that an issue that is partially shared is an issue that is half solved. 

 

When you suppress negative or hurtful thoughts, such as frustration, your mental health suffers. You will feel stressed and tense, and you may not get enough sleep at night. These emotions accumulate quickly, resulting in a somewhat desperate state that you cannot resist, such as depression or stomach ulcers.

4 Benefits of Connecting with Nature

You know how good it feels to get out and relax in nature, right? It’s time out from the stresses of everyday life, space and clean air, to breathe and take some time for yourself. But did you also know that there are scientifically proven health benefits to connecting with the natural world? It’s so beneficial you could even call it nature therapy! Here’s how being in the great outdoors is great for you.

 

Nature reduces stress and anxiety

 

Being out in nature has a measurable effect on your stress levels. They go right down, also lowering your risk of anxiety and depression. Even if you live and work in high rise glass and steel buildings, having a dose of the natural world can help lift your mood, your cognitive function, and your mental health. Whether it’s a walk in the park or even having a plant on your desk or being able to look out of the window, any connection with nature will help. 

 

Connection with nature is healing

 

Studies have shown that even being able to see a natural landscape can help hospital patients recover faster. 

 

It also helps your immune system function better. Scientists have found more than twenty pathways or connections between exposure to nature and improved health, protecting you from heart disease, depression, and diabetes.

 

Nature changes your perceptions of the world

 

Researchers have found that walking through a rural area changed the study participants attitude toward their to-do list. They saw their tasks as more manageable than participants who walked through city streets. 

 

People who exercise outdoors move faster, have a lowered perception of effort, enjoy their exercise more, and are more likely to stick to their routine than people exercising in a gym. 

 

Nature is great for your mental health

 

Remember how good it feels to be near the ocean, a river or a waterfall? That’s because the air near moving water is full of negative ions that can act as natural anti-depressants. It’s the same effect as the change in the air after a thunderstorm when the air is no longer oppressive but clear and fresh. 

 

There are now many studies which show that people living in green areas, or who have access to green spaces in cities, have significantly better mental wellbeing than people who live cut off from nature. 

 

Even having an aquarium, houseplants, or a view onto green space can help. 

Misconceptions About Negotiating

The pervasive perception of negotiation in the West is more negative than it is in most other places in the world. We imagine men screaming at each other across a boardroom table, spittle flying. But that’s not what negotiation really looks like if you are doing it right. The goal of negotiation is for both parties to get what they want. The aim is to reach a win-win. There are several misconceptions about negotiating that we would like to straighten out here and now.

 

It’s too combative - As mentioned above, negotiation shouldn’t be aggressive or nasty. You don’t need to view it as a competition or confrontation because it’s not. Instead, bargaining is simply an exchange of points and offers. 

 

It’s only for cheapskates - More people are watching their pennies nowadays, and one way to improve your wealth is to negotiate, especially on high ticket items. Why pay more than you need to? How do you think people with a lot of money in the bank got there? No doubt, part of their strategy was to negotiate the price of things when appropriate.

 

It’s improper - Especially in the case of high ticket items, sales people expect you to try to negotiate price. If you own a house, for example, did you settle on the asking price or did you offer less? Same with a car. Most car dealerships state their highest price, knowing that people will ask for something lower. If they get their asking price, all the better. But they don’t expect it. It’s not improper to save money.

 

It takes a certain type of personality - This misconception goes back to believing that negotiating is aggressive. Though it may feel less than comfortable in the beginning, some practice can take care of that. Even shy people can learn to negotiate. It’s a skill that can be learned, not necessarily something you are born with.

 

It’s not worth the time or money - Again, in the case of expensive purchases, it can be well worth your time to negotiate price. Many people who are selling something, whether a company or an individual on Craig’s List set their price high, expecting to bargain. Is it worth your time to shave a few car payments off the life of your car loan? If not, it should be.

 

It’s embarrassing - This misconception is rooted in the fact that most people are uncomfortable negotiating. But all it takes is some practice. You also won’t negotiate on everything you buy. The kid checking you out at a fast food place or movie theater isn’t going to knock down the price. But the salesman trying to sell you a dishwasher probably would. Knowing when to bargain and then practicing it is all that is needed to end the embarrassment.

 

Why It’s Important to Be Able to Debate

When you think of the word debate, you probably think of a somewhat nerdy after-school activity offered in some high schools. But debating isn't just for sport, as it is also known as "arguing." And clearly, arguments have a place in our everyday lives. No matter what you call it, though, it is an important life skill to have for several different reasons. 

 

Debating Helps You Form Your Own Opinion

 

If you've never debated a topic, chances are your feelings about the topic aren't fully formed. When you debate something, it challenges you to think about the topic at a deeper level. And when you think about the topic at a deeper level, it helps you solidify your emotions about the topic. 

 

Debate Helps You Learn

 

Besides just solidifying your emotions about a particular topic, the debate also allows you to learn more about a topic you may be passionate about. Your opponent may make a point that you had never heard of before. However, for this to hold true, you need to make sure you listen when the other person(s) are speaking instead of just preparing your answer while they speak. 

 

Debate Activates Your Brain

 

While debate isn't the only way to activate your brain, it activates a part of your brain that you don't often use. This part of the brain deals with problem-solving and the art of persuasion. When you debate with someone, you exercise both of these skills, crucial to survival as an adult. Even most schools recognize this, so several colleges such as Oxford recommend debate classes for all of their students. 

 

Debate Solves Problems

 

If you have an opinion and never share it with anyone in your life, problems could arise because you haven't made your opinions clear. Debating a topic helps bring everyone's opinions to the forefront in an environment where they are respected. Just make sure you never attack someone else for their beliefs. Only attack the topic at hand so that it doesn’t become personal.

 

These are just a few of the many reasons that it's important to learn to debate. Without knowing how to debate, it's likely an individual will go through life being misunderstood by others and even by themselves, as they may not understand their stance on certain issues. So, if you think this describes you, it’s time to learn how to debate today!

 

6 Ways Being Authentic Spurs Success

Everyone wants to succeed. It’s normal to want to achieve things in life. The question is, how do you want to go about it? You’ve got goals, but what traits do you need to get where you want to go?

 

There are a lot of the standard answers, such as having grit, integrity, a lot of confidence, and a creative spark. But have you considered how being authentic takes you into the new success of the modern world?

 

Think about these things:

 

Simplified Decision-making

 

Being authentic means, you stay true to yourself. By extension, you remain true to your goals as well. Authenticity makes it easier to choose your next steps, as everything you do will reflect your values and where you want to go. 

 

You Protect Yourself from Less Than Favorable Influences

 

If you’re authentic, people who aren’t as open or truthful in their own lives will tend to shy away from you. Even when they don’t, your inherent honesty is going to make it easier for you to spot people who aren’t as authentic as you are. 

 

People Want to Be Around You

 

When you’re authentic, people know they can trust you; they want to be around you. Looking for people to work with on a project? You’ll have plenty of volunteers. Even in social situations, you’re going to find yourself the center of attention more often. You’ll make better connections with people who are interested in helping you on the road to success.

You’re Quick to Learn New Things

 

Being authentic means you’re not going to waste time lying to yourself. If you’re stuck or don’t know what to do next, you’re more likely to look for solutions and find them, leading to more successful outcomes.

 

No Regrets

 

How many times has your gut tried to tell you something was wrong, or that you were heading off on a tangent? Authentic people tend to pay more attention to these feelings. Paying attention to your gut feelings will stand you in good stead because, more often than not, your intuition is right. When it comes to making other decisions, authenticity will guide you to do what you really want to do, over what you ‘should’ do. Listen to your intuition, and you’ll find you have fewer regrets and more achievements.

 

You’re Seen as Having Integrity

 

Reputation matters. It is perhaps the most significant help in achieving success. If people see you as being ‘real,’ they’re going to support you in whatever you do. Success comes naturally from here.

 

Top Benefits of Being Your Authentic Self

Being your authentic self sounds wise, yes? But did you know that being true to yourself has a range of benefits? Studies have shown that authenticity is more than a feel-good way of life, it is good for your health, relationships, even your career!

 

Here are some of the top benefits of living an authentic life.

 

Greater self-confidence

 

To live an authentic life has a significant effect on your self-confidence. You like yourself more, you trust your judgment, you acknowledge and work with your own unique set of skills and talents, and you make better choices that align with how you want to be.

 

More respect

 

As your confidence grows, you’ll inspire respect in others as they see you living in your truth. Everyone wants someone to look up to, and people recognize and respect authenticity. You’ll find yourself being a role model for others.

 

Greater trust

 

When people see you living in alignment with your values, see you being straightforwardly yourself, their trust in you will soar. And trustworthy people make great leaders. If you become known for being honest and trustworthy, you’re more likely to be promoted or given opportunities. 

 

Better health

 

Living in alignment means you’re much more likely to take care of yourself, you’ll prioritize self-care, rest and balance. Researchers found that people committed to living an authentic life were more likely to eat healthy foods, exercise and get regular physical exams. Being your authentic self also sets you up for better mental health as you are calmer, less conflicted and are generally all around happier! 

 

Greater resilience

 

People who are at peace with their true selves are much more resilient when it comes to dealing with life’s ups and downs. They deal better with stress, which in turn has great benefits for their physical health. They don’t spend their lives in the cortisol soup that comes from being highly stressed. 

 

Better relationships

 

Being authentic leads to better relationships because you’re not pretending to be someone else. You can be honest and straightforward about who you are and what you value, without fear of being judged. You’re also better at managing boundaries and less judgmental of your partner.

 

And ultimately, living an authentic life means that when you come to the end of your natural life, there shouldn’t be any regrets! You’ve probably seen those lists of top regrets of the dying and resolved not to be one of those people. Start now by choosing to live authentically. Choose to be authentic and choose to be happy!

 

7 Benefits of Living by Your Own Rules

From childhood on, we are taught to fit in. We do what's expected. We learn to be responsible, and we stop taking chances. After a while, this can feel a little boring. Worse, we start wondering who we are. 

 

It's time to take back control. It's time to live by your own rules.

 

You'll Like YOU Better

 

It's hard to have a lot of self-respect when you're always compromising who you are. When you stick to your belief system and act in ways that are authentic to yourself, you'll find you like yourself a whole lot more.  

 

Others Will Like You Better

 

You're not the only one who's going to notice the change. When you stop wearing masks and trust others with who you are, people appreciate your authenticity. This kind of honesty also gives them the space to be vulnerable, something which is hard to find. It's no wonder they'll respect you more when you're yourself.

 

You Bounce Back

 

If you fail, that's on you. Accept whatever lessons the experience teaches you and move on. When you lose by your own rules, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

 

More Intimate Relationships

 

How can anyone possibly fall in love with a fake person? When you're always showing the other person your best self, they never get to know the true you. Relationships grow and develop where there's intimacy. Intimacy comes from being honest. 

 

You'll Rediscover Passion

 

When you're always doing what everyone else wants, it's hard to feel fulfilled in your work. When you set your own goals and aspire to reach your dreams, you'll find life much more rewarding. You can never be delighted unless you are excited about but what you're doing. Here's where passion lies. 

 

You Don't Miss Out

 

Don't you hate regrets? When you look back on your life, what would you most like to see? Do you want to be able to say, "I did what everyone expected" or "I realized my dreams"?

 

You Discover Optimism

 

In the end, it's easier to look forward to a day where you know you are pursuing the things you are passionate about. Here is happiness, and a whole lot of optimism toward what comes next.  

 

You're going to find there are still times when you need to live by someone else's rules. It would help if you drove the speed limit. You can't just take what isn't yours. But on the other hand, in those times where you do have control, you're going to find you're much happier when you call the shots. Be yourself. Do your own thing. Embrace life. 

 

And only follow the rules when you have to. 

 

Family Life: How to Simplify Family Communication

With all the technical advances today, it’d be easy to assume that family communication has gotten simpler. But families are receiving thousands of messages each day from electronic devices. 

 

Whether it’s the advertisements on your smartphone games, the Twitter chats you follow, or the Pinterest boards you scroll through, you’re being given an information overload. This overload can cause problems in communicating with the ones you love most.

 

Staying connected with your significant other or your children is important. Without communication, family members will eventually retreat into separate lives. To prevent this from happening and to keep your communication line open follow these tips.

 

Give your full attention.

 

If you’ve ever tried to communicate with someone that stared at their smartphone the entire time, then you know how frustrating this can be. It can feel like the other person is saying, “You’re not important to me.”

 

When your kids see you constantly connected to electronic devices, they may be less likely to open up to you and have serious conversations. That’s why it can be helpful to have technology free periods in your day. For example, if your child is a morning person, then consider having a no-technology rule at breakfast. This gives you and your kids time to connect when they’re at their best. 

 

Build a foundation of love and trust.

 

If your loved ones feel like they’re going to be judged, they’re not going to communicate with you. An essential ingredient to healthy family communication is kindness. When your child or significant other is talking, don’t rush to make a judgement. Instead, try to ask open-ended questions like ‘how did you feel when that happened’ or ‘what are you going to do about this situation’. 

 

Listen to body language.

 

When it comes to communication, few things are more helpful than body language. During conversations with your kids, take a moment to analyze their body language. Are their words defiant but their eyes are filled with fear? This extra bit of information can make a big difference in getting to the bottom of what’s bothering your loved one.

 

Discover what you want from your heart.

 

Understanding what you want and need from your relationships is an important part of communicating with loved ones. For example, it might be that you feel loved when someone performs an act of service for you or when someone offers words of affirmation.

 

When you know what your love language is, don’t be afraid to ask for it. You might say, “Mommy’s feeling sad. Can I have a hug?” 

 

Of course, your children can’t provide for all of your emotional needs. But when you express what you want, you’re sending the message to your kids that it’s OK to ask for support in the way that they need it.

 

Communication is a key part of any relationship. If you make a mistake in communicating with your kids, don’t be afraid to be humble and apologize. This keeps your communication lines strong.

 

Reflections And Intentions…

 

1. When a loved one is speaking, how do you communicate that you're listening? Do you nod along, put down your smartphone, etc.?

            

2. In what ways do you ask for support or comfort from your loved ones?

 

3. Does your family have technology free time periods? Why or why not?