5 Steps to Embracing Your Loneliness

Loneliness is something most people try to avoid. But being alone is an inevitable part of life. It happens to everyone at some time or another. It is important to be able to separate solitude from loneliness and to understand what is behind your feelings so you can embrace being alone.

 

1. Work Out the Root Cause of Your Fear of Loneliness

 

Some scientists believe loneliness is a basic emotion on a par with fear and anger. For millions of years, survival relied on being part of a group; being alone was risky. But now, a fear of loneliness can keep us in toxic relationships, unfulfilling jobs, and bad marriages. Identify what’s behind your fear of loneliness, and you can start to work on it. 

2. Learn to Understand your Loneliness

 

Loneliness comes in many different guises. It can be temporary situational loneliness where you find yourself without company or help. Or you can be going through a life crisis that results in more extended social isolation. A relationship breakdown, losing your job, or being seriously ill can all make you feel completely cut off from love and support. 

 

3. Appreciate Solitude

 

Solitude is quite a different state from loneliness. Artists, philosophers, and writers over the centuries have sought out solitude to think deeply and widely and to create their best work. Solitude can be a comfort in an overcrowded life. When you are by yourself, you can expand into being your true self. 

 

4. Confront your Deepest Fears

 

Loneliness can be a product of the fundamental fear of separation that goes back to infancy. Separation means being vulnerable, having no one to rely on except yourself. This is the loneliness that realizes that in the end, there is nothing between you and the stars, no one to rescue you. That sort of existential fear can be scary. What are your deepest fears about being lonely? Identify them, acknowledge them, and take away some of their power over you. 

 

5. Use Self-Actualizing Practices to Overcome Loneliness

 

Techniques like yoga, tai chi, and meditation can help you reconnect with your deepest self. Sitting alone in meditation separates you from the negative thought spirals and feelings that can make you feel so miserable. 

 

A loving-kindness meditation practice can help you replace feelings of separation with feelings of love and connection. Give it a try:

 

• Sit quietly and focus on your breath. 

• Breathe in, think ‘May I be happy.’

• Breathe out, think ‘May I be loved.’

• Breathe in, think ‘May all my suffering be healed.’

• Breathe out, think ‘May I be at peace.’

 

Eventually, repeat the mantra, thinking of people who may be lonely at this time, replacing ‘I’ with ‘you.’

 

Finish by sending positive thoughts to all beings and repeating ‘May all beings be happy. May all beings be loved. May the suffering of all beings be healed. May all beings be at peace.’

 

This simple practice helps you feel connected to all of life whenever you do it.

 

5 Ways to Ensure Loneliness Doesn’t Turn into Depression

Everyone feels lonely from time to time. It’s a normal part of the human experience. But some people are more vulnerable to slipping from loneliness into depression. Or there can be hard times in your life when feeling lonely is only one step away from isolation and depression. 

 

People who are at risk of depression typically feel isolated and lonely; they have low self-esteem that can easily tip into more extreme feelings of self-blame and guilt, even self-disgust. And these negative thought patterns can lead to full-blown depression. If you’re having bad feelings about yourself, feeling lonely and worthless, here are some things you can do to head off the risk of depression. 

 

1. Boost Your Social Support Network

 

Isolation increases the tendency to self-blame. Connection and social contact can go a long way to helping you alleviate your loneliness and get a different perspective on the world. Reach out to friends, colleagues, and family to increase the positive connections in your life. 

 

2. Practice Mindfulness

 

Mindfulness helps you deal with what is in front of you right now. Developing a mindfulness practice can help you accept your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Simply by observing what is happening around you, focusing on what you can see, hear, feel, smell, and taste will help you break out of your negative thought patterns. 

 

3. Practice Self-Compassion

 

People who are caught up in feelings of negative self-worth are often extremely hard on themselves. Allow yourself a little imperfection. Be kind and change that internal monologue to one less punitive. 

 

4. Change Your Self-Talk

 

Have a look at your internal soundtrack. Are you full of self-recrimination? Do you magnify your flaws and faults? Now, would you talk to a friend like that? Rewrite that script into something more positive and self-affirming. If that is too hard to think about right now, try some of the books, apps, or websites that offer affirmations.

 

5. Use Emotional Reappraisal to Boost Your Self-Esteem

 

With a little practice, you can learn techniques to regulate your feelings and turn your self-esteem around. Depression often manifests in ruminating on the negatives in your life. You can use this focus to your advantage when you practice reappraisal.

 

Reappraisal is a cognitive-behavioral technique that allows you to reframe negative thoughts, flipping them to a more positive view. Instead of feeling paralyzed and crushed by life, you can take back control and develop more resilience. 

 

7 Types of Loneliness According to Psychologists

Loneliness is something you can’t avoid in life. There will be times when you feel lonesome, and you can live a happier life if you learn how to deal with it when it happens. To make that an easier process, psychologists have identified seven different types of loneliness.

 

1. ‘New Kid’ Loneliness

 

Like being the new kid at school, there are times in your life when you’re in a completely new situation. Whether it’s a new job, a new city, or a new school, you’re likely to feel lonely in the beginning.

 

2. Not Fitting in Loneliness

 

This is the loneliness that strikes when you feel different from the people around you. You may be an introvert in a team of extroverts. Maybe your values aren’t shared with the people around you. You feel separate and different. 

 

3. Lack of Romance Loneliness

 

When you don’t have a partner, it can seem like everyone else in the entire world has a significant other. Or maybe you do have a partner, but you feel disconnected. That’s lonely. 

 

4. Missing a Pet Loneliness

 

There’s no company like that of your pet. Maybe you’re missing your dog, cat, or gerbil. Pets can provide a special connection, and when it’s not there, you really miss it. 

 

5. Too Busy for Me Loneliness

 

There are times in your life when it feels like you’re not a priority for anyone. People get busy with their own lives and leave you feeling stranded and alone. 

 

6. Toxic Fringes Loneliness

 

Worse than busy friends are toxic ‘friends’ who get their energy from belittling you or making you feel inadequate. If you don’t feel supported by your friends, or you feel you can't really trust them, they are not good friends to have in your life. 

 

7. Lack of Company Loneliness

 

Sometimes loneliness can come simply from not having anyone to hang out with. Someone just to share space and be with. It doesn’t matter if you’re busy at work or are out partying every night. A lack of a quiet presence can make you feel deeply lonely. 

 

Once you've worked out what type of loneliness you’re feeling right now, you can take steps to address it. For example, if you’re missing having an animal in your life, you can adopt a pet or volunteer at the local animal rescue center. 

 

Make time in your life for meaningful relationships, not the ones that don’t feed your soul. Look for people you share values or interests with, and slowly you will make connections that will banish loneliness. 

 

7 Ways to Turn Worry into Excitement about Getting Things Done

Everybody worries sometimes. Right now, you’ve probably even got a few worries on your mind. You might be thinking about a relationship or a situation at work, causing you trouble. Maybe you’re worried about your health or whether or not you’re going to have enough money to pay the bills at the end of the month. Whatever the case, worry happens whether we intend for it to or not. This becomes a problem, though, when worry starts to take over your life. 

 

So, what is the goal? Is stopping worrying enough to put you on an even keel, or are you hoping for something…more? What if, instead of worrying, you could become excited, then use this excitement to get more done?

 

Let’s look at seven ways to achieve this:

 

Be Here Now

 

Worry has a way of trapping you anywhere but here. Either you’re worried about something which happened long ago, or you’re caught up in fretting about something still to come. Neither is going to get you anywhere. To stop worrying, you need to focus on the present. What interests you right now?

 

Realize This Gets You Nowhere Fast

 

Worrying stops you cold. In fact, most procrastination is caused by worrying. With this in mind, why are you wasting your time and energy on worrying? Sometimes just recognizing what a waste worry is, will be enough to derail it altogether. Especially when you have better places to be.

 

Throw Yourself into Something Interesting

 

Worry needs your attention to survive. Get busy doing something engaging to your mind, and you’ll find you forget all about worrying.

 

Rewrite the Script

 

If you’re seeing everything blow up around you, maybe you should try focusing on the perceived disaster. Ask yourself how you could do things to handle the situation if it were to happen. Once you have it, practice the scenario in your mind. Picture yourself handling matters.

 

Practice

 

Worried about something you need to do later? Having a dress rehearsal in your head will make things go smoother and keep worry at bay entirely.

 

Ask

 

Challenge your worry. Dig in and get to the roots until you understand your worry intimately. Ask yourself where the negativity came from. Peel back the layers until you get down into the heart of the matter.

 

Try a New Path

 

In the end, worry can become very attached to the familiar. Challenge yourself. Find a different way to do things. Explore where this path takes you.

 

The main point in all of these is to enjoy the journey. This is where you find the excitement and enthusiasm, which leads to getting things done. The rest is all momentum and a whole lot of brand-new accomplishments just waiting to happen.

 

How Can I Stop Avoiding the Tasks I've Been Putting Off?

Everyone puts off tasks now and then, but if you find yourself constantly putting off things you need to do, it's probably time to make some changes in your life. There are several simple ways to help get yourself motivated and stop putting off tasks you've been avoiding.

 

Don't Make It A Big Deal

 

When people put off tasks frequently, it's because they are making the task out to be something much bigger or much more serious in their minds than it is. It's time to put a stop to this practice in your mind. Tell yourself that the task isn't that big, and put it back into proportion. It may help to develop a mantra to remind you that the task isn't so bad and repeat it to motivate yourself.

 

Focus On Long Term Gains

 

When you procrastinate, it's often because you are focusing on the short-term annoyances. Such as that you don't want to get up off the couch right now. Instead, it's time to focus on the long-term gains of what completing that task will do to benefit you. It may also help to visualize how you will feel after you've completed the task and all the benefits you will experience. 

 

Break It Up

 

If you are putting off a massive task, it may be because it just seems too big to handle all at once. Do yourself a favor and break the task up into smaller, more manageable tasks. You'll find that you'll feel less overwhelmed and can conquer the task much easier than you could before. 

 

Set A Deadline

 

If you constantly tell yourself that you will do something "someday" or "when I have free time," you will only continue to put off that task. Now is the time to make a schedule and set a deadline for yourself. Schedule a time to complete each of the tasks you need to get done or each part of the more significant tasks you broke down, as mentioned previously. And if you finish on time, consider rewarding yourself as motivation to keep you on task.

 

Becoming and staying motivated can be very difficult, especially when it is a task you don't necessarily want to do. But with a slight change of mindset and breaking it down into more manageable pieces, you can accomplish anything, so set a deadline for your tasks and get moving today!

 

How Can I Stop Procrastinating?

Everyone procrastinates sometimes, but if you find that procrastination is a constant problem for you, it’s time to make a few changes in your life. Below are several tactics you can use to help yourself stop your procrastination habit. 

 

Divide Up The Task

 

Often, when you procrastinate, you may feel you are facing a massive task which you don’t believe you will be able to finish. Put a stop to this thinking by breaking up the task into more manageable pieces. For example, if you were supposed to clean your basement, resolve to clean one of the four corners each day instead of trying to tackle it all at once. This tactic can help make any task more manageable and feel less overwhelming. 

 

Make A Deadline

 

Now is not the time to tell yourself you will do something “later.” Instead, set a strict timeline for yourself, with sections of your goal having deadlines. This way, you known when you will be completing something. It may also help to have a small reward for yourself along the way. An example of this would be a student needing to write a four-page paper. And for each page the student completes, they would reward themselves with fifteen minutes of phone time. 

 

Stop Your Common Distractions

 

Usually, when someone procrastinates, it’s for the same reasons each time. Like when you were going to clean the kitchen, but then you just had to watch a new TV show instead. Put a stop to this by eliminating common distractions or procrastination tactics for yourself. If the TV is a distraction for you, maybe it’s time to work in another room. 

 

Spend Time With Motivated People

 

There is nothing quite like hanging out with someone motivated to boost your motivation. Find a friend or colleague whose motivation you admire, and resolve to spend more time with them. Or get a buddy in on your plans and decide to help keep each other motivated regularly. Either way, it’s much easier to stop procrastinating when you’ve got others around you accomplishing remarkable things!

 

Overall, discontinuing your procrastination habit can be extremely difficult, but it can be done just by changing some minor things in your life. Start by dividing up the task, making deadlines, and getting rid of your most common distractions. Then surround yourself with other positive people, and you will soon find you procrastinate tasks less than ever before!

 

3 Steps to Finish What You Start

Do you often struggle to finish the projects you start, even when you have every intention of finishing them? 

 

Believe it or not, this is a common problem that most people face. Luckily, you can follow a few steps to ensure that you can become the type of person who finishes a project once you start it.

 

1. Make A Plan

 

The first step to finishing a task is making sure you have a plan at the beginning. It needs to be a plan which you write down. A mental note isn't worth the piece of paper it is written on. You may want to jump in and start something in your excitement, but you might not realize all the work and challenges you will face. When you take the time to make a plan, this will better prepare you for the task at hand, and you'll be able to spot problems much more easily.

 

2. Take A Break

 

If you find yourself getting overly frustrated or beginning to loathe the project because you've been working on it for so long, it's okay to take a short break. This break will help reset your mind and focus. You might even be able to solve some of the problems you are facing while you take this little breather. Just make sure that when you set an endpoint to your break, this way you can hold yourself to it and not just abandon the project.

 

3. Make Small Goals and Rewards For Yourself

 

As you plan how you will conquer your task or project, break your goal into smaller mini-goals. Then, cross them off and reward yourself as you complete them. It will help keep you on task, and you'll be able to feel as if you are making progress, even if it's small. This progress will do wonders to keep your spirits high while working on the project. The little rewards you are giving yourself will probably help too.

 

So next time you get excited about a new project or goal in your life, slow down a bit and make a plan, complete with smaller goals and rewards for yourself. Then, as you pursue the project, don't be afraid to take small breaks if you need to recuperate. Chances are, thanks to these three steps, you will be much more likely to finish your new goal than leave it abandoned.

 

5 Tips for Keeping Self-Sabotage at Bay

We want to be productive. In fact, you might even wake up in the morning with all kinds of enthusiasm for the projects you’re going to get done during the day. 

 

Now fast forward a few hours, and suddenly you’re dragging yourself home at nightfall wondering where the day went, feeling like you never accomplished anything at all.

 

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Most people feel this way at least sometimes. The trick is to realize that this isn’t something entirely outside of your control. Sure, things are going to happen, which derail you, but more often than not, you’re reaping the fruits of self-sabotage. You’ve derailed yourself, through your own negative self-talk.

 

How to get past this? Simple! Start with these easy tips:

 

Listen to Music

 

It’s hard to get yourself going if your mood is what’s dragging. Thankfully this is a quick fix. Put on some music you love, something fast-paced and catchy for a quick pick-me-up and watch your productivity soar.

 

Get Up and Move

 

Like listening to music, putting your body in motion will build your energy levels (so long as you’re not trying to run a marathon). Dance around the room, take a brisk walk or try a few jumping jacks to get the blood flowing. Then tackle your task again, wide-awake and energized.

 

Look Inward 

 

Conversely, sometimes what you need is some quiet time. If you find your mind racing and yourself unable to concentrate on what you’re going, try meditation to slow things down. Find a quiet place, close your eyes, and focus on your breathing. Take deep breaths, nice and slow, and focus yourself on the present until you feel calm again.

 

Reassess What’s Important

 

It might be you’re not getting things done because you no longer find the value in your goal. If this seems to be the case, take some time to ask yourself some very crucial questions about why you’re on this journey. It might be you either need to shift your goal to something else entirely or, at the very least, adjust the outcome to serve your present needs.

 

Contribute

 

When all else fails, if you do not feel your work has value, offer to help someone else. Mentoring is one of those win-win situations where you bring your life skills and experience to help someone else who truly needs it. At the same time, you rediscover your passion through the act of teaching others what you know.

 

Do all this, and it’s good-bye self-sabotage, hello accomplishment. Soon you’ll be more productive than ever! 

7 Tips for Squelching Negative Self-Talk

You’re caught up in a cycle. You know the one. You’ve been talking down to yourself for a while. Every word in your mind points out your flaws and mistakes to where you think you’re going to go crazy from listening to it if you haven’t already.

 

Negative self-talk can be just this insidious. It gets in your head, courtesy of previous experiences, and negative input from people who don’t always mean well. Once there, it plays the same song on repeat, growing somehow worse with every retelling until you quit trying. Your dreams stall out, and you find yourself doing very little at all.

 

Finally, you need to take your life back and put an end to the negative self-talk once and for all. 

 

Easier said than done? Not necessarily. Try these things:

 

Find the Calm

 

First of all, you can’t combat anything when you’re overly emotional and overwhelmed mentally. Find a quiet place and sit down to take a few deep breaths. If you can, meditate or try a mindfulness exercise until you can reach a peaceful place internally.

 

Take Note of What You’re Thinking

 

Don’t avoid the negative thought. Listen to it. What is it saying? Whose voice does it sound like?

 

Dig into the Roots

 

Now ask yourself what the thought represents. Where did this come from? Is this from an expectation you put on yourself at some point, or does it come from someone else entirely?

 

Drop the Unreasonable Expectation

 

Are you trying too hard to be perfect in some regard? Is there a more reasonable expectation you can put on yourself in the place of this thought?

 

Turn It Around

 

What is the positive counterpoint to this thought? For example, if you’re worried about how bad you are with money, remind yourself of a time when you saved up for something you wanted, or think about a time when you paid off a debt and how good it felt afterward.

 

Create a Habit

 

If this thought is one which comes around often, what is the new thought you want to replace it with? How can you make this thought a habit? Consider this: the more you react in a new way to an old stimulus, the quicker a new habit is formed, and the old reaction disappears.

 

Just Stop

 

In the end, the only way to get rid of a negative thought is to consciously put a halt to it. Once you’ve gone through these steps, tell yourself to stop when the idea comes up again, and keep telling it to stop until it goes away completely.

 

Please note: You don’t have to listen to negativity but sometimes it becomes so firmly entrenched you might have trouble dislodging it by yourself. When this happens, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Talking to a trusted friend or counselor can help you lay this negative chatter to rest once and for all.