Why Routine Is Good for You

You’ll hear people refer to routine as being dull or boring. It implies that life is the same from one day to the next. However, routines are a great way to get your work done. It’s also a great means for teams to work together towards a common goal. When everyone has an understanding of what needs to get done, i.e., what routines each team member needs to perform, projects tend to run smoother.

 

We also have routines in our society. In some ways, laws can be considered routines. You know that you aren’t supposed to run a red light and that can be thought of as a routine. When you come to a red light, you stop as best as you can. There may be instances when you accidentally go through one here or there. But most people will stop for red lights. And this is good to reduce accidents.

 

You set up routines for your kids in the form of chores. You know that certain tasks need to get done each week. Many parents tie kids’ allowances on these chores. When the kids finish their chores, they receive their allowances. It teaches the kids a work ethic. They need to perform tasks, and when they complete those tasks, they receive money for them.

 

When you pay bills, you tend to have a routine for this. Some people like to get everything sorted on one day and pay all the bills on that day. Others will pay them whenever they receive them. Others, still, will set up their payments to be paid automatically by their bank or brokerage. There isn’t a right answer for how to do this. Whatever works for you is the right answer. However, the method you choose will be routine.

 

Contrast this to people who don’t have routines to manage their lives. They tend to handle tasks when the mood strikes them. These people are usually late with their bills and have messy environments. Some of these people will say that this way of life works for them. However, for most people this is chaos. It’s something that can easily be avoided by setting up routines for the tasks you need to complete. 

 

Of course, people are not robots. Hence, they do break up their routines on occasion. You may use weekends to do activities that you don’t get to do during the work week. Also, many families use vacations to help break up their routines.

 

4 Societal Norms You Must Break to Be True to Yourself

When is a rule, not a rule? 

 

We grow up thinking many things are set in stone. There are rules all around us. Some for fire safety. Some to protect our possessions. Some to keep things the way they've always been.

 

What becomes more complicated is the idea of societal norms. A societal norm is a way people behave, which has become so familiar people think of them as rules when in truth, they are not. 

 

So, while we're toeing the line, and there might be a time and place for this, sometimes it can do more harm than good, especially when it comes to doing what's right for the sake of your mental health and emotional well-being.

 

How do you know which societal norms you must break to be true to yourself? Think about these things: 

 

This is the Way It's Always Been Done

 

It seems no matter what you're talking about, trying to convince someone they should do something different is always an uphill battle. After all, it's always easier to keep things exactly as they are. Change is difficult. Which is why it's hard to convince ourselves sometimes just how much success relies on change. You can't get anywhere at all if you're always doing the same thing over and over.

 

It's Expected

 

Everyone has expectations. Our parents might put certain educational expectations on us. Our friends expect us to do what they're doing, especially when it comes to marrying or having kids. Even our significant other expects us to behave in specific ways sometimes. The problem? When we live to other's expectations, we forget to stay true to ourselves. Maybe we don't want college or kids. Or our picture of success is entirely different from someone else's. 

 

Mirror Images

 

We should all be exactly alike. Right? Sometimes it seems this way. We discourage those who are different from the norm and even make fun of them for being odd or eccentric. How does this make you feel when you want to do something a little 'different' from everyone else? It takes courage to stop being a mirror image of those around you. 

 

It's What You See

 

We love movies, tv; the internet…we also love to listen to what media tells us about absolutely everything. We make celebrities our role models and take for gospel truth information from the sketchiest of sources sometimes. Isn't it better to think for yourself and decide what's right and wrong?

 

Forget societal norms. They were created by people like you who got tired of whatever the old status quo used to be. Life isn't supposed to be this hard. Keep things simple by staying true to yourself, and your life will be so much happier.

 

Communication Skills

The word communication is a general word in its meaning. It could take on many roles, depending on the use and context. It also has many formats as its delivery mechanism. You can listen to music or watch videos, or you can read a book. Conversations are forms of communications as well.

 

Because of the general aspects of communication, it’s difficult to imagine formulating it into a skill. But it is possible, and many colleges offer majors in communication, which elevates the field. It’s not necessary to study at a four-year college to enhance your skills of communication. It takes basic knowledge and some practice.

 

The biggest skill you can use to communicate better is to listen. People are not natural listeners as they are focused on themselves. It’s how we are wired. We will always put ourselves first. Part of that is a survival mechanism. But, because of our self-serving nature, listening to others is secondary and requires us to put effort into being better listeners.

 

To increase your ability to listen to others, the next time you are speaking with someone, repeat back everything they say. That may be a little unnerving to them, at first. But, if they look at you with a bewildered look, explain that you are just making sure you understood what they said. Once they get past the awkwardness, they will welcome the exchange.

 

The next step towards better communication is to use simple language. When you want others to understand your meaning, you need to make sure everyone will understand the words. People have different levels of education. Therefore, you want to use the lowest common denominator when speaking to everyone. You should not view this as a means of looking down at others. Your goal is to make sure you are understood. Speaking and writing in basic language is the best way to accomplish this.

 

You must consider the feelings of the people with who you're communicating. Even if you are a manager, barking orders at people is one of the least effective ways. Consider everyone’s opinions and needs. Keep people engaged in the communication platform. This way they take ownership in the process. That is a massive benefit for excellent communication. You will get more out of people when this happens than merely rattling off commands as if they are robots. There are some instances, such as the military, where shouting out orders is necessary. But, these are the exception, not the rule.

 

5 Tips for Having Difficult Conversations with your Partner

You love your partner, but sooner or later, a tough conversation needs to happen. While this is normal, (after all, what relationship doesn’t have its bumps along the way) how you handle those conversations will determine whether you come away from this particular conflict with a stronger appreciation for each other. This is why it’s so important to handle difficult conversations well. 

 

How do you ensure you engage in the best conversation possible in these circumstances?

 

Start with Not Putting Off the Talk Longer than Necessary

 

Take time to count to ten or to take a few deep breaths before beginning. After all, starting with too much emotion will be more damaging than helpful. Once you’re cooled down though, it’s time to talk. Why is it better sooner rather than later? By putting things off, you tend to build up resentment and inflate the conflict. It’s important to address situations before they get out of hand. A small problem today is much easier to solve than a giant one several weeks from now.

 

Drop the Good News / Bad News Approach

 

No one likes waiting for the other shoe to drop, so instead of giving the compliment with a ‘but’ lurking to negate everything you’ve just said, just come out and say the bad news first. If you’re determined to add in the compliment, do so after the bad stuff is out of the way, so you leave the person on a more positive note.

 

Plan Your Conversation

 

Rather than blindside your partner with an uncomfortable discussion, let them know you have something you want to talk about. Make it clear you’re wanting to discuss something that affects your feelings, rather than starting out in an attack. There’s a vast difference between, “I’d like to talk to you sometime about your drinking” vs. “I’d like to talk to you about how I feel when I see you drinking so heavily.” 

 

What Are Your Goals?

 

In any heavy conversation, you need to agree at some point on common goals. Working toward the same thing will help you find your way through the conversation to that eventual place.

 

Keep a Positive Spirit

 

Aim for optimism. Even if the conversation isn’t going how you would like it to, finding something to hope for will soften the outcome no matter what. 

 

Difficult conversations are just that: Difficult. But having a plan in place will help you to get through them. Use these steps to build the framework of your conversation, and even if the outcome is bad, getting there won’t be as difficult as you think. 

 

Top Tips for Resolving Conflicts in Your Relationships

No matter how much you like the other person, at some point, conflict is likely to happen. While most conflicts are fairly small (like trying to decide where to go out for dinner), left untended a conflict can fester and grow. That’s why it’s so important to resolve conflicts in your relationships before they have a chance to take on a life of their own.

 

How do you go about doing that?

 

1. Start by listening. But don’t just listen to the spoken words, but the feelings behind them. It’s the emotions that drive the conversation after all! By listening actively, meaning pausing to ask questions, clarify, and to reiterate what you think the other person is saying, you tell the other person that what they have to say matters. But more importantly, you’re letting them know that they’re being heard.

 

2. Look for the resolution over being right. Giving up the notion that you have to ‘win’ is where you start seeing the solutions. Conflict is not a competition.

 

3. Stay in the moment. Instead of focusing on what happened that brought you into this conflict, pay attention to what’s going on right now. Now isn’t the time for blame. Rather look for solutions.

 

4. Decide what’s important right now. That is called ‘picking your battles’ and is important in determining whether a thing is worth fighting over. Ask yourself if this is just an issue over a minor annoyance that will be easily forgotten, or if you have something deeper going on that maybe needs to be addressed.

 

5. Know how and when to disengage. That means being able to do what it takes to walk away. It might be forgiveness is in order. It might be that you’re just going to need to agree to disagree. Worst case scenario? It might be time just to let the matter go entirely. Whatever the case, there’s nothing to be gained by staying in the conflict. 

 

Resolving conflicts isn’t a hard skill to learn. By following these tips, you will discover how better to deal with conflict in every kind of relationship – whether business or personal. So, take heart – a misunderstanding doesn’t have to mean the end of the world. Instead look at your conflict as a step toward better understanding that will, in turn, lead to better relationships in the long run.

 

5 Tips for Better, Healthier Boundaries

We all have boundaries. Maybe you don’t feel like you do, because of many times past when people have overrun you. Somewhere around the umpteenth time of being taken advantage of, of being ignored about your own needs, and treated as though your time is not valuable, you start to believe that you’ve lost whatever boundaries you had.

 

The good news is, you can re-create your boundaries, and make them stronger and healthier than ever before. How? Read on for a quick list of five tips to jumpstart your life and put it on track for a happier you.

 

1. Permit yourself to start over. While this step seems obvious, there are quite a few reasons for it. First, by telling yourself it’s ok to set boundaries, you’re declaring that you’re important enough even to have them. But also, in acknowledging that it’s ok to start over, you’re not getting hung up on the past. That is you, taking control. Embrace it!

 

2. Pay attention. Here’s where you start getting into the details of who you are and who you want to be. How have people taken advantage of you in the past? Where have you wished there were boundaries? What do you need to do to establish them now? Be mindful of your feelings. Look for the disappointment and anger. What has set those off? Chances are those are places where the boundaries need the most work. You’ll find that self-awareness is key to your success so don’t be afraid to dig into your emotions.

 

3. Where have you been? And where are you now? Chances are a lot of what you feel about boundaries came from your wiring as a child. If no one respected your space growing up, it’s hard to ask people to respect it now. Examine the boundaries of your childhood and compare them to the boundaries of today. What’s lacking? What needs work? It might be that some of the things you find make boundary setting particularly difficult in some situations. Don’t be afraid to ask for help either with a counselor or therapist to work through some of that old baggage.

 

4. Take care of yourself. When you’re not feeling well, it’s nearly impossible to be firm in your boundaries. Being strong and healthy gives you the energy needed to put your foot down when you need to. With that in mind, taking care of yourself not only makes sense, but it is also necessary for future success. Remember the basics: Eat healthy, exercise, and get enough sleep every night.

 

5. Speak up. There’s going to be pushback when you set boundaries. Having healthy boundaries means that you put the work in to maintain them. That means saying ‘no’ when you need to. By being assertive you not only protect those boundaries, but you also tell the world that you have something to say. Need help? Enlist a support team who can cheer you on when you’re flagging – and who aren’t afraid to point out when you’re starting to slip. Sometimes we all need some tough love, especially when we’re pushing for better, healthier boundaries.

 

By following these steps, you’re not only drawing a line in the sand; you’re taking control of your life. Healthy boundaries are meant to protect you so that you have room to grow and become the person you always knew you could be. But first, you have to begin. So, why are you waiting? Aren’t you ready for that new improved you?

 

Take the Randomness Out of the Day

By putting yourself on a schedule or keeping a strict routine, there’s less room for surprises which might be frustrating. Keep the randomness out by creating a schedule including even the more mundane tasks in your day, such as brushing your teeth.

 

Ask if It’s Worth Fighting For

 

Frustration comes when you’re trying to control something out of your grasp. Ask yourself if this is a battle worth pursuing, or can you let this one go?

 

Practice Conscious Listening

 

A lot of frustrations come when we’re not communicating well with someone else. Slow down. Listen to what the other person is saying. Reiterate their position showing you’re clear on what they’re saying. Take time to think about your response, making sure you’re both clear on what you’re trying to say.

 

Find Release

 

Frustration brings up adrenaline levels. Punch a pillow, work out, clean the house. Do something physical to release pent-up energy. 

 

When you manage your frustration, you’re free to become a calmer, happier person. Don’t let daily frustrations run you down. Stay calm and work these tips, and you’ll soon see a change in how you’re able to deal with life and face the world. 

8 Steps to Reduce Daily Frustrations

Frustration comes in many forms. Unfortunately, you’ll find that even small things can get under your skin, especially when they pile up. How do you keep from letting daily frustrations rule your life?

 

Examine the Frustration

 

First, you need to determine whether this is a common frustration or a symptom of something bigger. What’s going on? How are you reacting? If you’re finding yourself overreacting to the frustration, it might be that the stress you’re feeling doesn’t have to do with frustration at all. If that’s the case, you’ll want to address the bigger problem. However, you can easily manage small frustrations.

 

Know the Cause

 

Once you’ve determined what the frustration is, take some time to understand why the situation is frustrating to you. If you’re unsure, you might want to spend some time in thought, or even putting your words on paper to understand this better.

 

Ask Whether Your Frustration is Misplaced

 

If you think the cause of the frustration is you, ask yourself why that is. Your response will tell you a lot. If words like “stupid” or “lazy” come up, you’re likely responding to some trigger that has nothing to do with you. Not every frustration has a clear cause or solution. Sometimes things happen outside your control, and you need just to let them go.

 

Adjust your Timing

 

No one can deal with frustration when they’re tired, and energy is lagging. Take care of frustrations when you’re at peak energy and ability. For example, if you’re not a morning person, save frustrating tasks for the afternoon. 

 

5 Essential Tips for Managing Frustration

Not everyone knows how to manage frustration well. It’s not taught in schools (though it should be) and our parents weren’t always the best examples. Even if you’re among the fortunate few who grew up around people who never seemed frustrated, chances are we never learned how to channel our frustration into something positive or good. 

 

Managing frustration isn’t impossible. These five essential tips will help you keep your cool, even in the most frustrating of circumstances.

 

Take a Step Back

 

The smartest thing you should do when feeling frustrated is to take a step back. Breathe. Don’t react. Take a minute to distance yourself from the situation so you can ask what just happened and try to figure out an answer. By stepping outside of the situation, you can see things more objectively. Ask if there are pros or cons to this situation. Remind yourself if you’ve been here before, and you’ve gotten out of it unscathed. Even if this is new territory for you, chances are it wasn’t for someone else. Remind yourself you will survive this challenge.

 

Embrace the Emotion – Then Let Go

 

When you’re frustrated, you’re pulling a lot of emotion into a situation. Your first reaction might be to suppress these feelings. Rather than pushing down and trying to ignore them, identify what you’re feeling, then allow yourself to feel it before letting it go. That keeps emotions from controlling the situation.

 

Act When Calm

 

When you think you’re outside the emotions and able to act rationally, do just that. You should make all decisions from your logical self, not the emotional one. The goal is to respond to a frustrating situation, not react.

 

Identify What You Wanted in the First Place

 

Frustration tends to happen when you’re not getting something you want. What triggered this frustration? Was this a want or a need? If it’s a want, is it practical or reasonable? Or is this something you need to let go?

 

Make a Choice

 

In the end, frustration only leaves you with two choices: accept the status quo, even If it’s painful, or change the situation to ease the frustration. Decide which it’s going to be. If you’re going with the status quo, you have to accept the frustration as being part of this decision and learn to live with it or let it go. 

 

Managing frustration isn’t hard so long as you can stay out of the emotions of the moment. Keep a handle on yourself and take the time to think things through. Then act as needed.