Why Comparing Yourself To Others Can Be Destructive

Everyone compares themselves to others from time to time. It is a natural thing for humans to do. But often these comparisons can be really destructive. When you compare yourself to another person for the wrong reasons you are actually looking at how your worth as a person compares to yours.

 

There are some people that have got into the habit of comparing themselves to others so much that they do it on an almost daily basis, and sometimes more than once a day. They do it with their friends and family, at work with their colleagues and even with famous people. So why can this be so bad for you to do?

 

Bitterness and Anger

 

You are at work and you get the news that another coworker has received a promotion. This person is younger than you and joined the team later than you did. In your opinion they are just average and they didn’t deserve to get promoted before you did.

 

So what happens here? You go into a negative thought spiral that runs around in your head for most of the day. “How dare they promote this person before me!” The negative spiral makes you start to doubt your own ability so you experience thoughts like “I am not good enough” and “nobody here respects me”.

 

What you are not taking into account is that this person has been attending night classes to learn about business and management. They have also taken on projects that you would never take on because they could go wrong and that is just too risky for you.

 

You are totally bitter about this situation. Every time you arrive in the office the negative thought spiral kicks in. Now your bitterness towards this person has turned to anger and you do everything that you can to avoid them. The person invites you to celebrate with them but you find an excuse not to attend.

 

Before this person received the promotion you had no problem with them at all. You used to talk to them all the time and even laugh and joke with them. Now everything has changed. You are just bitter and resentful. 

 

This is a very bad situation. Every time you go to your office you feel bitterness and anger. This is not good for your health or your self-esteem. You are not interested in the back story and the person’s efforts to achieve promotion. You have not done any of these things and expect everything to just fall into your lap.

 

Impact on Self-esteem

 

One of the most dangerous things about negative comparisons is the harm that it does to your self-esteem. You probably don’t realize this is happening but you are thinking that you were overlooked for promotion because you are not good enough.

 

When your self-esteem takes a hit like this it can be devastating for you. If you rant and rave about the situation to others in your team then they quickly tire of your complaining and you can lose their support. This in turn makes your self-esteem crash even more.

What you can do?

 

Try to see the positive side of things rather than the negative. Find out how the person got the promotion and use this as inspiration so that you can embark on a similar journey. Whining and complaining when things like this happen will get you nowhere. It will just make you feel terrible and can lead to lots of other problems.

 

Ways To Boost Your Self-esteem After Making Bad Comparisons

If you are someone that keeps making bad comparisons with others that make you feel negatively about yourself then your self-esteem is going to be low. When you see that your neighbor has a brand-new car and your car is years old then you can go into a negative spiral which will lower your self-esteem dramatically.

 

You start to question your worth. “Why don’t I earn enough money to buy a new car?” and other similar thoughts fill your head. This is not rational behavior as you don’t know the full story. Your neighbor might have received the car as part of his job or even leased it. All you are focusing on is the pain and the fact that you are not good enough.

So, if you find yourself in a situation like this how can you boost your self-esteem so that you stop having such a low opinion of yourself which makes you feel terrible? We have some great techniques for you in this article.

 

List your previous Achievements

 

We have all achieved a number of things in our lives and often don’t give ourselves any credit for doing this. Just because millions of other people passed their driving test doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t give yourself credit for doing this too.

 

Take some time out and write down some of your past achievements. If you had to overcome a number of challenges to achieve something then these need to be on your list. It doesn’t matter how insignificant you think these achievements are. Just write them down and reflect on how well you did.

 

Stop Dwelling in the Past

 

Something that will definitely affect your self-esteem in the wrong way is to dwell on the past mistakes you have made. Everyone makes mistakes but people with high self-esteem learn from their mistakes and move on. They don’t keep raking up the past so that it influences their future.

 

A lot of people believe that if they tried something once and failed that they will never be able to do this in the future. Do you think like this? So, if you wanted to learn Spanish in the past and gave up after a few days this means that you will never be able to learn Spanish. This is just ridiculous and you are letting your past rule you.

 

Look your Best

 

A lot of people with low self-esteem get to the point where they do not care how they present themselves to the world. If you are a man then maybe you haven’t had a shave for a few days and you look terrible. 

 

To give yourself a much-needed boost shave off that horrible stubble now and put on some nice clothes. If you are a woman then get your hair done or your nails. Buy some new clothes that you can wear outside with pride. This will give your self-esteem a much-needed boost.

 

Don’t let Fear hold you back

 

We all have irrational fears that we carry around with us. People with low self-esteem can have a lot more of these than others do. The best way to boost your self-esteem in this situation is to tackle a fear head on and do it anyway.

 

This is not going to be easy for you but once you have challenged this fear and done something that scared you before you will feel so much better about yourself. So identify an irrational fear today and just go for it!

 

How To Stop Being Dependent On Others For Your Happiness

People often get confused about what over dependency really is. It is perfectly natural and healthy to want to be in a loving relationship with someone. You are dependent on their love and they are dependent on theirs.

 

There are a lot of couples where one of the partners works to earn money while the other stays at home and takes care of the children. This is fine too as long as both partners have an equal say in the relationship and a level of independence to pursue their own goals and dreams.

 

What is not healthy is being overly dependent on someone, or even a group of people, for your happiness and contentment. If you feel obliged to spend all of your time and energy making someone else happy so that you can be happy then this is not a healthy situation.

 

A lot of people in this situation become obsessed about the thoughts that others have of them. They are constantly trying to please another person in order to have peace of mind. Before long this can really spiral out of control and you can find yourself overly dependent on another individual.

 

So if you are in this situation just how do you get out of it? Well, you can get out of it but it will take some time and effort on your part. Here are some recommended ways that you can use to gradually free yourself from over dependence.

 

Improve your Self-worth

 

Depending on others for your happiness is usually a sign that a person’s self-worth is very low. Nobody should have to be dependent on someone else to feel happy and alive. By increasing your self-worth you will gradually alleviate the need for this dependency.

 

Think about what you have achieved in your life so far so that you can identify your strengths. People with low self-worth often say that they do not have any strengths but this is not true at all. 

 

If you are influenced too much by what others think then you may have even developed skills just to please them. These skills do nothing for your self-worth or independence. So, think about what you have achieved for you in your life and reflect on these to give you a boost.

 

Look for Happiness within rather than outside

 

A lot of people are conditioned to believe that they can only be happy if they only have certain things around them, which includes people. For some, having a lot of possessions is the key to happiness.

 

But all of these things are really doing is filling a hole in your life. It is better to look for happiness within yourself. That way if you lost everything tomorrow you can still be happy. Consider meditation as an effective way to do this.

 

Be at ease with yourself

 

How do you feel about spending time alone? Does this make you uncomfortable? Everyone should be at ease spending time alone. If you have a problem with this then you need to deliberately find ways to be on your own and become more comfortable with this.

 

Take Responsibility for your Life

 

To lessen your dependency on others you need to take responsibility for your life. Tell yourself that you are responsible for your happiness and how your life will pan out in the future. Set yourself some goals and do things your way.

 

Why Validating Yourself Through Comparisons Is Bad

We all make comparisons with others throughout our lives. Sometimes a comparison can be really good for you and other times it can be bad. There are people that make comparisons based on jealousy and other negative emotions. These will usually have negative consequences such as making a person feel terrible and lowering their self-worth.

 

Then there are good comparisons. These are when a person wants to improve their life and looks to someone else to understand the gap that they need to close to achieve their goals. Maybe they have a gap in terms of knowledge and experience and once they know what this is then they can create a plan to close the gap.

 

Using Comparisons to Validate how good you are

 

Then we have the comparisons that some people make to validate how good they are. There is some good intent here as they want to confirm that they are still great at something. This is a very common type of comparison that happens every day all across the world.

 

Let’s say that a person is very good at making money. They then compare themselves with someone that is always broke and is the complete opposite of them. When they compare their lives the person that is good at making money gets an ego boost while the person that is broke ends up even more depressed.

 

But what if this comparison went wrong? If you are the person that is good at making money and you come across a stranger that looks poor to you how can your comparison for an ego boost fail?

 

Well, you do not know anything about this person and appearances can be very deceptive. You are assuming that they don’t know how to make money like you do based solely on their appearance. You don’t really know what their financial position.

So, you think to yourself that you have been right every time in the past so you are going to give the comparison with this stranger a shot and you are feeling confident. But it turns out to be a disaster because the person has a lot more money than you and knows many more money-making methods than you do!

 

How do you react to this? You are in the company of friends and colleagues who are in a state of shock over this. They begin to act warmly towards the stranger because he is their new idol. Do you become bitter and even angry over this? It is very likely, isn’t it?

 

Other Downsides of Validation Comparisons

 

With a validation comparison there is always likely to be a winner and a loser. It is like a competition and the loser is probably going to be pretty unhappy. In the scenario above the person thought he was going to be victorious and then came crashing down to earth.

 

If you use the same people for your validation comparisons it will not take long for them to get fed up with this ridiculing and start to avoid you. They will quickly spread the word about you as well. For the validation comparer the world can be a pretty lonely place.

 

Using validation comparisons rarely move people forward in their lives. They have got to a pint where they are content to wallow in their victories at the expense of others but they are not setting themselves any new challenges and growing as a result.

 

How To Be More Confident And Less Dependent On Others

If you are someone who is often concerned about what others think about you then this can really tank your self-confidence. Being reliant on others to feel good about yourself is a bad situation to be in. If you had higher confidence levels then you wouldn’t need to do this so much, if at all.

 

So, in this article we will provide you with some proven methods to increase your self-confidence. The first method will give you an instant confidence boost and the others will take more time and consistent effort. Make a commitment to work on your self-confidence every day because it is so important for your independence.

 

Create Confidence through Motion

 

People that are low on self-confidence often have a poor body posture. They tend to sit around a lot or lie on the couch and these things have a negative impact on your confidence levels. It is easy to make yourself feel down and even depressed if you use bad posture.

 

Let’s say that you have been invited to a party by one of your best friends. You are not feeling confident because you know that there will be a lot of people there you have not met before. But you don’t want to let your friend down so you accept the invitation.

 

What body posture will you adopt when you are walking in a room full of strangers? Will you slouch your way in with your shoulders dropped and your head down? This is great if you don’t want to meet anyone new and have a lousy time.

 

But if you want to enjoy yourself then change your posture. Stand tall and throw your shoulders back. Lift your head up so that you can make eye contact with people. Put a confident smile on your face. Practice this in the mirror before going to the party. It will make you feel great!

 

Address your Negative Thinking

 

Unconfident people usually have a lot of negative thoughts swirling around in their heads. These thoughts tell them that they are a loser and their life is worthless. If this is happening to you then you need to take control of your thoughts.

 

This is going to take time and practice so you need to accept that you have to keep working on it. If you have a negative thought which says “you are worthless” then neutralize this with a positive thought like “I am great and have a lot to offer”.

 

Practice this until it becomes automatic. Getting rid of negative thought spirals will do wonders for your self-confidence. You will feel a whole lot better about yourself and ready for any challenges that you may face.

 

Don’t Idolize other People

 

Too many people idolize others and this is just crazy. They hang on to their every word on social media and want to live their life like them. But what they don’t know is that this person has a lot of flaws and they are far from perfect.

 

There is no problem with looking up to certain people because they have more knowledge or experience than you and you can learn from them. But you will never be free and really develop your self-confidence if you just idolize them.

 

Be Proud of Yourself

 

You have come a long way in life and you have many things that you can feel proud of. There have been a number of problems that you needed to overcome and you did that. So, reflect on the great things that you have done before for a great self-confidence boost.

 

What Is Your Self-View And Why Is It So Important?

The “self-view” is a term created by psychology experts for how you see yourself. Sometimes you will also see this called your “self-concept”. Basically, your self view is a combination of your opinions, beliefs, attitudes and preferences that form your definition of who you are.

 

It is all about how you think about yourself. This is really powerful because it will define how you think and the way that you act. Our self-view is critical and we really need it to make sense of our world. 

 

The Self has been Studied by Psychologists for a long time

 

The concept of the self-view is easy to understand but it is a very complex psychological area which has had psychologists trying to figure it all out for a very long time. Although everyone has a self-view it is not always easy for us to know what is really going on on the inside. 

 

This is because we are all different and our mixture of traits, preferences, personality characteristics and abilities differ wildly to the next person. It doesn’t matter that much that we cannot explain everything about the self-view though.

 

What is important is that we are aware of its existence. People need their self-view so that they can form their own perceptions of the world and feel comfortable in their environment. Without it we would always be asking others how we stack up (which a lot of people do anyway but this is usually due to low self-esteem rather than not having a self-view).

 

In the very early days of research into the self-view, Descartes formed the conclusion that the very existence of an individual was totally dependent on how they perceived the world around them.

 

The well-known psychologist, Simund Freud, believed that the self-view comprised of three elements which are:

 

1. Your ID which is pleasure based

2. Your ego which is a state of balance between your ID and your superego

3. Your superego which is driven by your conscience

 

Important Aspects about the Self View

 

There are a lot of different assumptions held about the self-view to make sense about it. Here are some of the most important ones:

 

You Learn your Self View

 

The assumption here is that you are not born with your self-view. You will develop it as you grow and become an adult. In fact, your self-view can change many times during your life. Many experts believe that you can change your self-view if you need to and this is a good thing.

 

Your Self View has Structure

 

Over the years you are likely to develop many different views about yourself. The assumption here is that all of these different opinions are organized into a single self-view. This structure helps you to instantly challenge anything that doesn’t conform to your-self view.

 

Every day an individual is likely to be subjected to many different messages and a number of these can challenge their self-view. Even though these different challenges are about different aspects of a person’s life the reaction is automatic.

 

Your Self-View can Change

 

It is not easy to change your-self view because you have built it up over a long period of time. But you can change it. Sometimes different environmental changes can force you to change your-self view. Other times you may want to change it yourself because it is not supporting what you want to do.

 

5 Exercises To Maintain Your Mental Toughness

What do we mean exactly when we say “mental toughness?” What is the association between physical exercise and the resilience of your mind? The body and the mind are closely related and one certainly affects the other. 

 

Mental toughness is a measure of your ability to bounce back from setbacks. If you don’t take care of your body, you will lack essential cognitive skills such as creativity, the ability to focus and memory recall.

 

Have you had bad days when everything seemed to go wrong? You decide to go for a walk and in no time, you notice that something in you is changing - you feel lighter, you are able to see things from a different perspective and concerns diminish.

 

1. Walking to achieve Optimal Mental Strength

 

Walking at a constant, steady pace promotes wonderful changes in your brain. Many studies encourage walking less than thirty minutes a day to reduce certain mental problems, avoid depression and enhance the quality of your life.

 

The simple constant and regular movement during this half hour set our heart “in motion”. You will flood your body with oxygen and in particular your brain. Walking releases tension and will help to bring those calm brain waves into play! These allow us to attain that level of consciousness which allows us to be more receptive to the world.

 

2. Smile, a wonderful Therapeutic Exercise

 

You might surprise yourself and even fail to believe when you smile it is therapeutic and will fill you with positivity. Simply smiling will make a real difference to your mental state. You only need to smile and your brain sends you back a torrent of endorphins.

 

It is as if you reconnect or regain a perspective on reality. This will allow you to disconnect from everyday stress. For this reason, do not hesitate to smile every day. When you feel exhausted, just smile in the mirror. See yourself and perceive what is happening inside of you.

 

3. Deep breaths 3 times a day

 

Stress leads to unbalanced and accelerated breathing and prevents the brain from getting the right amount of oxygen that it requires. In addition, any situation of stress or anxiety releases cortisol, which is a hormone that in high doses can negatively impact your mind and body.

 

To avoid problems with stress be sure to participate in deep breathing exercises.

 

• Three times a day practice your deep breathing for 15 minutes

• When you breathe in count for 5 seconds. Hold your breath for 7 seconds and then exhale for 8 seconds

• Keep doing these deep breathing exercises and you will see great improvement

 

4. Stretches in the Morning

 

Morning stretches will help you to maintain your mental strength as you learn to “relax” your body. In other words, it will provide your body with relaxation, elasticity, resistance and more.

 

Get up a little earlier in the morning and start with some gentle stretching exercises. They should focus on your neck area, shoulders, hips and lower back.

 

5. Lifting Weights

 

You will find it very therapeutic to participate in simple resistance exercises. The aim with these exercises is to reduce anxiety. To release negative emotions such as worry, apprehension and fear spend around 10 to 15 minutes each day lifting weights.

 

This moderate intensity resistance exercise will not only allow you to gain stronger muscles, but will also help you better channel rage, frustration, anxiety and other negative emotions. When you use all five of these simple exercises you will have more agile mental strength day after day! In addition, you will be prepared to face daily challenges.

 

Techniques For Reprogramming Your Subconscious Mind

There are many exercises you can do to unleash the power of your subconscious. However, it is recommended that you choose just one to start with. The goal is to be fully focused and to avoid dispersing.

 

1. Mental visualization

 

The subconscious is very sensitive to the power of images. It has no temporal notion and evolves in an eternal present. This means that when you imagine that you have accomplished a goal, your subconscious will not distinguish between what will be achieved in the future, and the desire already fulfilled. 

 

This representation will trigger the same physiological effects in you as reality. You will therefore feel positive emotions which will strengthen your winning mindset. There is a ripple effect where your subconscious will be even more stimulated.

 

Each day spend about 10 minutes visualizing positive scenes of what you want to accomplish in your life.

 

Here are some visualization examples, if you need some inspiration:

 

* An exciting job

* A beautiful house

* Holidays in dream destination

* Constructive and healthy relationships

* Anything you want to manifest in your life

 

To increase the power of visualization even further, be sure to emit strong positive emotions. By doing this consistently, you will eliminate everything that slows you down on a daily basis (fears, worries, doubts ...)

 

2. Positive affirmations

 

Positive affirmations are short sentences, which you send to your subconscious, to direct your thoughts towards the goals you want to achieve. All the affirmations that you repeat to yourself over and over again will transform your life and shape your mind. Your thoughts will become a powerful tool in creating your reality.

 

In order for exercise to work and provide fast results, you must follow these few rules:

• Affirmations should be positive and formulated in the present tense. Your subconscious, as mentioned earlier, has no notion of time and simply recognizes the present moment. A future or negative formulation will therefore have no effect, since it is not compatible with your subconscious.

• Your emotions should be in line with your statements. Whatever words you say, make an effort to feel the corresponding emotions. Your subconscious will be more inclined to believe it.

• Be regular and diligent. Affirmations only work if you repeat them several times a day. Make them part of your morning or evening routine so you don't forget them.

 

3. The influence of your environment

 

Your subconscious follows the same relentless logic as a computer. It is indifferent to the nature of the environment in which you live. He is simply content to form his beliefs blindly on the basis of all the information received and heard. If you are constantly exposed to negative thoughts, or live with people complaining all day long, your plans and mood will suffer.

 

Surround yourself with good energies and agree to sort out your relationships. Leave room to welcome new people who match your values ??and your current outlook. Focus on people that pull you up and energize you.

 

It is important to be consistent and diligent to see the results of your programming. As soon as you start to experience positive results it will provide you with the motivation to do more. Stick to your daily sessions, and know that these changes are long lasting, powerful, and worth investing in.

 

The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind

You have two minds which are your conscious and subconscious. Your conscious mind deals with your daily interactions with the world. It provides you with information via your 5 senses:

 

* Sight

* Sound

* Touch

* Smell

* Taste

 

You have thoughts swirling around in your conscious mind all the time you are awake. These thoughts can be negative and harmful to you or positive and empowering. The way that you react to a specific situation is partly due to your conscious mind and a lot to do with your subconscious mind.

 

Your Subconscious Mind

 

You store all of your beliefs and life habits in your subconscious mind. Some of these beliefs and habits serve you well and others hold you back in life. A belief that tells you not to leap off of tall buildings is clearly something that you want to hang on to. But a belief that tells you that you are never going to be successful is something that you want to change.

 

Your subconscious mind allows you to do many things on autopilot. For example, you don’t need to use your conscious mind to remind you to breathe, do you? If this was the case you would never be able to sleep as your conscious mind shuts down during sleep.

 

But your subconscious mind can also work against you as it will push you to do other things on autopilot that are not helpful such as drinking too much alcohol or doing drugs. It can also produce negative thoughts in your head based on your past. If you want to achieve a goal but failed in the past with this then it can tell you that you will not be able to do it.

 

You can Reprogram your Subconscious Mind

 

The good news is that you are not stuck with all of the negative beliefs and habits that exist in your subconscious mind. You can reprogram your subconscious to empower you rather than hinder you. This all starts by controlling what enters your subconscious from your conscious mind.

 

It really is a “garbage in garbage out” scenario. If you continually feed your subconscious with negativity through the thoughts in your conscious mind then your subconscious will work against you. Your subconscious mind does not distinguish between positive and negative thoughts. It just accepts what your conscious mind feeds it.

 

The same is true for limiting beliefs. Maybe you were told as a child that “money doesn’t grow on trees”. This is a classic saying that many people tell their children. The problem here is that this can lead your subconscious to hold the belief that money is always going to be difficult for you.

 

Control your Thoughts

 

If you want to develop a winning mindset then you have to control your thoughts. You want to ensure that only positive and empowering thoughts permeate through to your subconscious. Your conscious mind is the gatekeeper to your subconscious and if you focus on something often enough with your conscious mind then this will feed your subconscious.

 

So, if you keep experiencing negative thoughts in your mind then you need to neutralize these with positive thoughts. For example, if you receive the thought that you cannot do something then counter this with a positive thought like “I can do anything”. After a while your subconscious will change this negative belief.