Should Every Conflict Be Resolved?

Did you know that there are people that specialize in resolving conflicts? Well, there are, that is just how common conflict issues arise today. But do you also know that not every conflict needs a resolution? Probably not and let's look at that issue today. 

 

Professional conflict coaches have one vital piece of information that they share with their clients. That is to simply learn that you don't always have to be right. 

Think about this for a minute. How many times have you found yourself arguing with someone and refusing to give up, because you want to be seen as the winner? 

 

There is an inbred need inside of people to what to be right or seen as the victor. This is the main reason why so many conflicts are never resolved, instead they boil and cause resentment and anger between family and friends for years. 

 

If you can learn that one simple thing, to give up needing to be right, you will find that you are not involved in as many conflicts. What is so wrong with letting someone else be right for a change? If it makes them happy and ends the conflict, you should be happy too. 

 

Of course, you may encounter a situation that is important and you definitely need to be right. This could be conflicts that deal with your children and their safety for example. 

 

Then there are those conflicts that end up being more silly and less meaningful because they drag on so long. The people involved don't even remember the true cause of the conflict in the first place. All they are left with is that feeling of 'I just have to be right!'

 

The conflicts that don't always need resolving are the ones where you want people to do as you wish. All you are looking for is someone to do as you say. This is very difficult to force onto someone and creates nothing but an angry air of conflict. These are the ones that you should learn to recognize and be strong enough to quit on. 

 

If you are attempting to resolve a conflict and there is just no end in sight, decide if the process is worth working on or not. It might be best to give up and walk away. You are not showing signs of weakness. Instead, you are displaying signs that you are mature enough to recognize that a resolution is not going to happen and walking away is the smartest thing to do. 

Communication Struggles That Only Introverts Have

Some of the issues that introverts have when communicating with others are due to the very definition of being an introvert. Extroverts may not understand these things about you because they don’t experience them. By understanding why you should struggle with these types of communication, you can better explain them to those extroverts in your life. 

 

Your conversation must be brilliant - Due to perfectionistic tendencies, introverts frequently don’t speak up, even when they have something to say because they fear it won’t be insightful enough or it will come out all wrong.

 

Neglect phone calls - You much prefer to text or email because you can skip the small talk and it’s socially acceptable with those forms of communication. But phone calls... shudder! You find yourself procrastinating making important phone calls or returning calls, even to those you love. You have to feel energized enough to be an enthusiastic participant in the conversation, which can cause you to put off making calls, even if they are vital.

 

Difficulty thinking in groups - Because you need to think before you speak and because you need to have silence while you ponder, you find it challenging to participate in the conversation when there are comments and ideas flying everywhere. You may feel like you can’t gather your thoughts well enough to contribute to the conversation.

 

Big groups exhaust you - When you have to be around a lot of people, especially if you don’t know them, you feel exhausted fast. One reason for this is because it involves a lot of small-talk, which doesn’t come naturally to introverts. Putting out that much effort wears you out. 

 

Dislike working in groups - Working in groups can be even worse for an introvert than small-talk. When you must rely on others to communicate in ways that aren’t comfortable or understandable to you, it’s a real challenge to complete the project. There’s also the issue of your perfectionism too. Because of your practice of thinking through every possible issue and solution, you are committed to only turning out perfection... but others in the group don’t often care as much about this as completion, or they have a very different perception of what “perfection” is.

 

Feel lonely surrounded by people - Introverts often feel left out of a rapid conversation, whether it’s at a party or a work conference. This often occurs because, by the time you determine what you want to say and the best way to say it, the group has moved onto a new topic. You can easily feel left out and lonely during these discussions - more so than if you were actually alone.

 

The Smart Way To Smarter Brain 4 (Infographic)

The Smart Way To Smarter Brain 3 (Infographic)

The Smart Way To Smarter Brain 2 (Infographic)

 

The Smart Way To Smarter Brain 1 (Infographic)

Assertiveness for Better Communication

Learning to communicate effectively means that you first must first learn how to be assertive. The other options of communicating are passiveness or aggressiveness – both of which tend to alienate those you’re trying to communicate with.

 

When you learn to communicate effectively by flexing your assertive muscles, you’ll experience a boost of self-esteem and a personal confidence which will help you succeed in all areas of your life.

 

You’ll learn to be less resentful or feel inadequate or guilty about your decisions and will experience more freedom in your life. But, most of all – the way you communicate will improve your relationships, both at work and at home.

 

Assertiveness means that you’re able to express your thoughts and feelings without anger and in an appropriate and honest way. You’ll be standing up for your rights as a thinking and valuable individual and others won’t be confused about your beliefs and opinions.

 

Some techniques you should learn to become a more effective communicator are:

 

• Broken Record – This technique that you persist in expressing what you want and how you feel without bringing anger and resentment into your tone of voice. The trick is to remain calm and express your wants very clearly. Then, keep repeating your point and don’t give up unless you decide to agree to a compromise.

• Fogging – A technique which involves not responding in an anticipated manner (defensive or placating). The method is one which gives a minimal response within a conversation – rather than being argumentative. When you’re not expressing the desired effect with the person, he or she will tire of the conversation.

• Handling Positive and Negative Comments – You may have trouble responding to compliments – or to respond to negative comments about you or something you’ve done. For positive comments, you should express your assertiveness by thanking the person and to negative criticism, you should express regret that the person feels that way and then ask what, in particular, do they have a problem with.

 

As you continue to practice your assertiveness with others, you’ll find that your skills of communication will increase and you’ll have less problems dealing with people.

 

You may find methods of your own which work – like not engaging a person in arguments or being able to walk away from a bullying situation calmly and without being angry.

 

Developing interpersonal skills is a self-confidence booster which can help you with day-to-day communication with those who are close to you and those you may need to deal with on a one-time basis.

5 Tips for Having Difficult Conversations with your Partner

You love your partner, but sooner or later, a tough conversation needs to happen. While this is normal, (after all, what relationship doesn’t have its bumps along the way) how you handle those conversations will determine whether you come away from this particular conflict with a stronger appreciation for each other. This is why it’s so important to handle difficult conversations well. 

 

How do you ensure you engage in the best conversation possible in these circumstances?

 

Start with Not Putting Off the Talk Longer than Necessary

 

Take time to count to ten or to take a few deep breaths before beginning. After all, starting with too much emotion will be more damaging than helpful. Once you’re cooled down though, it’s time to talk. Why is it better sooner rather than later? By putting things off, you tend to build up resentment and inflate the conflict. It’s important to address situations before they get out of hand. A small problem today is much easier to solve than a giant one several weeks from now.

 

Drop the Good News / Bad News Approach

 

No one likes waiting for the other shoe to drop, so instead of giving the compliment with a ‘but’ lurking to negate everything you’ve just said, just come out and say the bad news first. If you’re determined to add in the compliment, do so after the bad stuff is out of the way, so you leave the person on a more positive note.

 

Plan Your Conversation

 

Rather than blindside your partner with an uncomfortable discussion, let them know you have something you want to talk about. Make it clear you’re wanting to discuss something that affects your feelings, rather than starting out in an attack. There’s a vast difference between, “I’d like to talk to you sometime about your drinking” vs. “I’d like to talk to you about how I feel when I see you drinking so heavily.” 

 

What Are Your Goals?

 

In any heavy conversation, you need to agree at some point on common goals. Working toward the same thing will help you find your way through the conversation to that eventual place.

 

Keep a Positive Spirit

 

Aim for optimism. Even if the conversation isn’t going how you would like it to, finding something to hope for will soften the outcome no matter what. 

 

Difficult conversations are just that: Difficult. But having a plan in place will help you to get through them. Use these steps to build the framework of your conversation, and even if the outcome is bad, getting there won’t be as difficult as you think. 

 

How To Communicate More Clearly

Communication is the foundation of everything we do. Whether you leave the house or not, you still communicate with others daily, be it online or in person. How well you get along with people hinges on how well you communicate. How successful you are in life hinges on how well you communicate. There are a few 'rules' that you can apply to all of your communications. 

 

Why?

 

This is specifically for work or professional communication. Often, we waste a lot of time and energy communicating when we don't actually know why we're bothering. So, think about what you would like to accomplish? 

 

This can also be applied to your personal life, even idle chit-chat can have some type of purpose, whether it's bonding or getting to know someone. 

 

When others initiate a conversation, consider why it's taking place. If you can't understand why try to gently guide the dialogue to determine the why. The purpose of this is to focus and understand the why to avoid rabbit trails and side issues that detract from the manner at hand. 

 

In-Person Communication

 

Have you ever fallen out with someone over text message? Or watched a fight unfold on social media because one person read someone else's tone wrong? If you're dealing with a highly emotional issue, then it should be addressed in person. If it's impossible to do so in-person, at least do so via video call. This goes for positive and negative emotions. If you're delivering great news then you want everyone to get sucked into your positive energy. 

 

As far as bad news or negative conversations go, it will be received better if you do the job in-person. 

 

Email Facts

 

People often lose concentration when they are being given facts and figures verbally. If you're dealing with a finance issue, statistics, or otherwise, opt for emailing this information so the other person can easily look back on the numbers when necessary. 

 

No Talking, Just Listen

 

This is applicable to in-person communication. Stop spending so much time doing all the talking and start listening. Unless you are the one who came to the table to start a conversation, give others the respect they're due when they are trying to communicate their ideas or feelings. Don't dominate conversations with your motor-mouth. 

 

Simplicity

 

We live in a society of information overload so simplify your messages. You might use five sentences, but you can probably say it with one. 

 

Make Your Brain Work Faster Than Ever

It is evenly important to exercise the brain like other body parts. If your brain is not energized then it is apparent that you start losing focus. Nevertheless, when you learn the facts you will be provoked to involve yourself in activities that train your brain. These activities are simply one of the finest ways to invigorate a weary brain, build focus and rouse it simultaneously. Constant worry can influence the brain in a multiplicity of unhelpful ways and is a massive problem for scores of people. You can keep your mind sharp by keeping it lively. It is said by neurological experts that the brain keeps changing and learning irrespective of age. Truthfully, as we turn older our subconscious skills tend to diminish, lowering our concentration power.

 

As you grow, have you noticed that it is difficult to recollect certain details in a book as you finish reading it? It happens when you find it hard to pay notice to things going on around you as your brain is having obscurity staying focused on a task. People who often indulge in multi tasking experience a hard time keeping focused on one task when the need crops up. Such people have automated their mind to do a variety of jobs, concurrently. By indulging in a range of exercises your brain will begin to see an up-gradation in your dispensation speed. You will start comprehending things faster and in the first shot and it will seem like someone has flicked a switch within you. 

 

Meditation is a very good way of exercising the brain, if you do not want to lose your cognitive abilities and instead make them sharper, you have to determine the ways to keep your mind healthy. A good source of finding out more of these exercises is the internet. This includes exercises to boost IQ and creativity, pacing up brain processing and memory enhancement.

 

How to Speed Read

Looking to save yourself time and get more done in the small amounts of time you do have in the day? 

 

Then how about trying to speed read? 

 

Speed read is the process of scanning through text while at the same time still taking in all the information. This is something some people are very good at and other people struggle with, so let’s look at some methods you can use to learn it.

 

Use a Tool

 

One easy way to learn to speed read is to try using a tool such as ‘spreader’. Spreader is a program that lets you paste a large amount of text into a website and then quickly runs through all the words, showing you one word at a time for a set duration. You can choose that duration and then by looking at the word count, the program can tell you precisely how long it will take to read that content. You can this way read a very big novel in a couple of hours!

 

Use ‘Jumps’

 

Normally we read by letting our eyes scan left to right across the page. You can speed this up though by letting your eyes ‘jump’ from one block of text to the next and by taking mental snapshots as you go.

 

When you do this, you may notice you are no longer sounding the words out to yourself but instead just trying to take the meaning in. This is a good thing – as you remove the need to mentally verbalize you can start reading with ‘unsymbolized thought’ which is much faster.

 

Time Yourself

 

Timing yourself at any task is an easy way to get quicker. Likewise, if you’re giving yourself 30 minutes to read in the evening, why not challenge yourself to see how many pages you can get through and then try to better that next time? The old saying goes: ‘that which is measured, improves’.

 

Eventually, try going just a little faster than you can comfortably understand.

 

Have a Goal

 

Often, we don’t need to read a lot of the text in an article or even a book. If you’re trying to get a specific piece of information from the text then set out with the goal of retrieving that and then look only for relevant content in the page. This is a good way to make sure that you aren’t wasting time by reading long introductions etc.

 

The Essence Of Adopting a Morning Ritual Habit

If you hate waking up early, then you need to read this article. According to research, creating good habits and sticking to a morning routine plays a huge role in your success. If you’re a night owl, unfortunately, this means you will have to find ways to adapt and change your lifestyle. 

 

Creating a morning routine and turning it into a habit may sound difficult at first. But if you keep at it every day for at least a month, you will start seeing noticeable differences in how you approach your entire day. A morning routine will help you feel more stable and you’ll be so much more in control of your day. 

 

It’s peaceful in the morning 

 

Early mornings don’t have as much distraction as other times of the day. Your family and your neighbors will still be in bed (unless they’ve also adopted this habit), there’ll be less noise on the streets, and your personal space will seem so much bigger. 

 

With less distraction, you’ll be able to think clearly and you’ll have time to exercise, meditate, pray, update your journal, and plan your entire day. 

A morning routine will help you feel more in control of your life and you won’t feel as disorganized as before simply because you will have time to think your day through and organize your activities. 

 

Simply put, your morning routine will set the tone for your day.

 

Get work done early

 

Mornings are best for getting your most difficult tasks done. Getting these tasks out of the way lets you enjoy relatively stress-free afternoons and you’ll be much happier because you can get more things done in the day. 

 

Your productivity levels will increase and you can even start working in advance on tasks that don’t need to be done until later.

 

When you get things done earlier and faster in the day, you can reward yourself for a job well done. Just be careful when rewarding yourself though as some rewards may actually be detrimental to your goals. 

 

For instance, if someone asks you to go partying on a weekday, you may want to tell them “No”. You may be tempted but think first if it’s going to somehow cause you to sleep in late and thus wake up late the following day. If this is the case, then simply decline. 

 

No amount of partying can replace what you can accomplish by sticking to, and religiously following, your morning routine habit!

 

Becoming an Avid Reader (Infographic)

Five Ways Leadership Skills Help you In Your Personal Life (Infographic)

How to Create a Home Office That Will Promote Health While You Work at the Computer

It's not exactly news that office jobs aren't good for us. This is something we've known now for a long time and more and more evidence is only supporting this view. Perhaps most damning are the recent studies on the negative effects of sitting at work. These show us that sitting for long stretches at a desk can take years off our life, and undo all the good work we've put in at the gym. 

 

The problem is that most people don't have much choice – they work in an office to make a living and as such they don't get to make the rules regarding how long they're sitting. 

 

That's where creating a home office makes all the difference. If you're fortunate enough to be able to work from home at least some or all of the time, then you can make the rules yourself. Here are some of the things you can do to design that office to promote better health. 

 

Standing Desk 

 

One of the first things you can use to improve your health when you're working in the office is to invest in a standing desk. Now you're not going to want to use this all the time, as it's hard to concentrate and get real work done when you're standing up. Nevertheless, for short bursts while you check e-mails etc., standing up could be a very useful way to feel healthier and even to burn some calories. 

 

Multiple Seats 

 

One of the things that makes working in an office so bad is simply how long we're remaining in the same position for. The position isn't great, but staying in any pose for this duration would be bad for you. 

 

So a solution to this issue is to work on a laptop or a 'hybrid slate' computer, and to then have multiple seats around the office that you can move to. 

 

One of these seats could be a 'kneeling chair'. These encourage you to take up a somewhat kneeling position, which while still not perfect will at least straighten out your back allowing you to breathe more naturally and reducing the shortness of your hip flexors (which is one of the things that contributes to lower back pain). 

 

The Desk 

 

Of course, your regular desk should also be at the right height for these chairs – make sure that your head is able to stay upright and still see the monitor well. 

 

Make it Light 

 

Natural light is highly important for promoting health. Not only does natural light naturally improve our mood and stimulate the production of vitamin D, but our body uses it in order to gauge its sleep-wake cycle. The more natural light in your office then, the better you are going to sleep come bed time. 

 

Natural Décor 

 

Something else that helps you to naturally reduce stress is to keep a natural looking décor. Having plants in a room has been shown to help reduce our heart rates for instance, while using stone flooring, fountains and other more natural items can all have a similar effect. 

 

The Technology 

 

You should also aim to avoid letting the tech itself negatively affect your health. For instance, using software that reduces the brightness and wavelength of your monitor can help you to avoid messing up your internal body clock. Likewise, you should look into software that encourages you to take regular breaks from your computer. 

 

Regular Breaks 

 

Oh, and take regular breaks. This is crucial not just for your eyes, but also just to keep you moving. Don't work more than an hour without getting up, walking around and looking at something other than the monitor for a while.

 

How to Become a Commanding Presence in a Room

Being able to command a room is a skill that only certain people have, and it’s one that can be immensely useful for anyone in a leadership position. If you can command a room, then you can get people to listen to your instructions, you can build respect, and you can help to establish calm when there is a panicked atmosphere. 

 

So how do you do this?

 

Use Body Language

 

In one study, participants were asked to rate speakers who they thought were highly charismatic. In almost every case, those participants rated the people who spoke with the broadest gestures and most movement as being the ones who were truly charismatic.

 

This is because we actually use body language for the lion’s share of our communication. Therefore, when you gesticulate and move around the room, it ensures that your body seems congruent with what you are saying. 

 

This in turn makes you seem much more interested in what you are saying, and much more genuine in it.

 

At the same time, taking up more space makes you appear more confident and dominant, while moving around more will make you easier to pay attention to.

 

Speak From a Place of Emotion

The mistake many people will make is to try and “fake” this charisma by forcing themselves to move unnaturally. Unsurprisingly, this seldom works and instead only makes you appear more insecure.

 

That’s why the best way to be more charismatic and to use your body language correctly, is to truly believe in what you’re saying. Moreover, you need to really believe in what you’re saying.

 

One way you can do this is to tap into a powerful emotion whenever you speak. When you think about how important, exciting, infuriating, or endearing something is, you will be able to convey that same emotion to your audience.

 

And great communication is about transmitting emotion as much as it is about transmitting words.

 

Use Silence

 

But while pacing and gesturing can get you a long way, you can also command a room with the power of silence. Next time the office is raucous and you want attention, try standing silently in the corner of the room with your arms crossed. 

 

This will have an unsettling impact on the team and slowly they will become silent and pay attention too. It takes a huge amount of presence to be able to silence a room this way, and huge confidence to do so without opening your mouth.

 

How to Deliver Instructions So They Will Get Followed

As a leader, a large part of your role is going to involve providing instructions for people to follow, and then helping to make sure that they follow those instructions and complete them.

 

While this might sound like a very simple part of the job, it’s actually an area where there is a lot of room for error – and this can seriously undermine your effectiveness as a leader. Read on then, and we’ll discuss how best to provide instructions so that they are followed correctly.

 

Be Clear and Concise

 

The first and most important rule when it comes to providing instructions, is to be as clear and concise as possible. That means reeling off the points in a bulleted list that outlines each step that a person needs to take. This will in turn ensure that they aren’t confused, and it will be especially important during high pressure situations.

 

In fact, wherever possible, a great idea is actually to provide some form of checklist. Countless studies show that when you provide a professional with a checklist, they will tend to complete much better work. This is because they can’t overlook or forget an important step. This is not only useful for beginners, but also for the highly trained who can sometimes become complacent and forget important steps.

 

Explain the Why

 

Using lots of detailed and simplified instructions might sound like you’re talking down to your employees or team members. It certainly does run this risk!

 

That’s why it is so important that you make sure that you also explain why you are giving any instructions. When you do this, you are giving the people listening to you more respect and responsibility, which will help to motivate them to do better work.

 

More importantly though, explaining why someone should do something will help them to better understand what you have asked and it will reduce the likelihood of error. 

 

At the same time, when you give these kinds of explanations, you also provide your listeners with the ability to make their own decisions about how work gets done – which allows them to be more creative AND to work around problems.

 

If you are tasked with following a specific instruction with no idea why you need to do so, then you won’t be able to adapt to challenges that come up. But if you know what the end goal is, you can think outside the box and find an alternative option to reach the same point!

 

How to Gain the Respect of a Team

Think back to your days at school, and try to remember the different types of teachers that you dealt with. Chances are, that you had teachers who were able to gain the respect of your classes and who were well liked by everyone. When they asked the room to be quiet, it normally became quite quickly!

 

But then there were the teachers who had no grasp on the class whatsoever – who were teased and bullied by the class and who couldn’t control their behavior.

 

And so it is with managers, parents, and all kinds of leaders. So how do you go about gaining the respect of your team and avoiding becoming an ineffectual leader like the latter example?

 

Don’t Want it Too Badly

 

One of the worst things that any leader can do, is to appear desperate for their team to like and respect them. This is why the “buddy buddy” approach never works. If all you do is to try and please your team, if you try to make them laugh, and if you give in to all of their commands and requests, then you will eventually find that you completely lose the respect of your team and that they end up taking advantage of you.

 

Don’t try and be cool or be liked – just try and do the best for your team.

 

Control Your Emotion

 

Another easy way to lose the respect of your team is to lose your cool. The teachers that were most effective at controlling the class were not the ones who shouted the most but often the ones that were able to remain calm and collected.

 

If you seemingly explode every time something goes wrong, then you are going to become a target for your team to try and goad. But if you can stay calm and in-control, then you will earn their respect.

 

Do the Best For Them

 

Ultimately, the best manager or leader is the one who sacrifices themselves and puts their team first. That means taking flak from higher-ups when things go wrong, and it means trying to guide and nurture the team so they can do their best work.

 

If you do this, then your staff will pick up on that vibe. This will ensure that everything you do is seen through that lens, which will ensure that you gain their appreciation, and therefore, their respect.

 

How to Get the Most Out of Members of a Team

Being a leader is truly about taking a step back, and about allowing your team to really perform their best work. Rather than “taking the bull by the horns” and attempting to micromanage your staff to follow your every instruction, instead you should be letting the individual creativity and talent of each person shine. That’s why they were hired in the first place, after all!

 

So how do you do this? How do you go about getting the most out of each individual team member? Here are some useful points to keep in mind.

 

Make Them Feel Safe

 

One of the most important roles of any leader is to make the team feel safe. In a work place environment, this will often mean that you are taking on responsibility, such that they don’t take the blame when things turn sour.

 

If your team know you will blame them for every mistake that they make, then they won’t be able to take creative risks. Likewise, if they are terrified of layoffs and higher management, then they’re not going to work well either!

 

Know Their Skills

 

Another important thing to consider is how each of your members operates as an individual and how best they can be integrated into a team. Different people have different skill sets and work better in different capacities – which means that different people will work better in certain groups and in certain positions within those groups. If you have someone who is a born leader then of course that person is an asset to any group – unless that group already has a born leader in place in which case you are going to cause friction. Think of how each new member will fit into the dynamic of each group and choose how you assemble the teams based on this. At the same time though, be sensitive to how your staff react to these decisions and be willing to move individuals to other groups and departments if necessary.

 

Likewise, this allows you to know who to assign to each task when they are required to work independently.

 

Give Them Ownership

 

One of THE most important tips for any leader, is to give members of the team a sense of ownership over what they are doing. While it’s your job to take responsibility when things go wrong, you should also make sure that they have something to show for their hard work, and that they have control over. If it goes well… they get all the credit!

When someone isn’t working their best, it normally isn’t because they are “bad workers” but instead because they don’t feel intrinsically motivated by the work they’re doing. Give them a project that they have some creative control over, and that they can add to their CV… and all that often changes!