How Can I Be More Supportive To My Friends?

Sometimes it can be difficult as an adult to know how to support your friends. And honestly, there is no one way for you to support all of your friends. The support you should show to your friends will vary widely on their personality and their unique situation. Below are some of the most common ways you can show support to your loved ones. 

 

Make Time For Them

 

As humans grow and change, they tend to have less and less time for their friends. This is why, when you make time for your friends, it shows that you truly do love and support them. This doesn’t mean you have to clear your calendar, but maybe you invite friends along to certain activities or cancel that one thing you don’t need to do so you and a friend can grab a quick coffee after work. 

 

Listen

 

You’ve heard it time and time again, but listening is truly the best way to support anyone who may be in your life. Humans need to let go of their emotions through communication. And sometimes, just listening is enough to make the person who is venting feel supported in their endeavors. 

 

Push Them And Celebrate Their Achievements

 

Whatever your friend may be pursuing, if they confide in you that they need your help, now is the time for you to give them a little push! Maybe they are tired and don’t want to go to the gym. You could offer to go with them or help remind them of a goal they made. And when they get out of bed and complete the task they felt they couldn’t do, you should be celebrating this achievement with them. You may be surprised at how far a simple “good job” can go! And if they conquer a big goal, you should make an effort and offer to celebrate with them! After all, a true friend is ecstatic when their friends may big steps in life!

 

As you age, it can become increasingly difficult to know how to support your friends. But don’t fret, as long as you make time for them, listen, and then help push them towards their accomplishments, this will help them feel supported! And if they accomplish something big, you should be just as happy for them as you would be for yourself, as this will truly show your support for all of their endeavors in life. 

5 Steps To Defeat Perfectionism Once and For All

We all have moments where we fall into perfectionism. For some of us, this might happen kind of often. For others, it's reserved for those special occasions where we have a project where we can't rest until we get it right.

 

While occasional super-attention-to-detail is okay, it’s when we make perfectionism a way of life where it becomes a problem. Those are the times where we finally need to take charge of our lives and learn how to let go.

Try this:

 

Start at the Core

 

Why are you so wrapped up in perfectionism? Are you truly trying to become a better person somehow, or are you just trying to impress someone else or meet expectations from those around you? Neither of these reasons is very healthy, and both need to be addressed.

 

Drop the “Should”

 

The moment you start using this word in a conversation, especially regarding your action, you're already driving yourself crazy. Remind yourself you don’t need validation from anyone. You’re good just by being you.

 

Rewrite the Script

 

What are you telling yourself as you throw yourself into perfectionism? Do you think this is the path to success? Or do you have other unrealistic expectations of the outcome? Here's where you switch up your self-talk to get out of any negative spaces and unrealistic outcomes.

 

Drop the Comparisons

 

Speaking of self-talk, just who are you holding up as role models? Has this too become unhealthy, going from "I want to be more like them" to "Why can't I have everything they do?” Wouldn’t it feel better to celebrate where you are right now and all the effort you’ve been putting into things?

 

Show Some Mercy

 

Perfection never allows for excuses. If you can't succeed, you're automatically a failure. By chasing imperfection, you learn the value of self-forgiveness and the ability to let go of your mistakes in favor of embracing the lessons you can learn from them.

 

You wouldn’t think these steps are all so very important at first glance. After all, is chasing imperfection worthwhile?

 

The answer is a resounding, "Yes!" Perfection is what pulls us away from others and gets us so tangled up inside with worry and stress about getting things right; we negatively impact our mental and physical health. 

 

With this in mind, isn’t it time to let go and enjoy life once and for all?

 

5 Things I Learned From Overcoming Conflict

Conflicts are a normal part of life and they tend to happen in virtually every setting. Oftentimes, we avoid conflicts because they make us tense and anxious.

 

They bring up a lot of self-doubt and discomfort, which typically results in raised voices, increased heart rate, and saying things we don’t really mean.

 

Even worse, it leads to feelings getting hurt and, sometimes, to relationships being destroyed. No wonder we hate conflicts!

 

That’s why learning how to resolve conflicts peacefully can be life-changing. In fact, the more we expose ourselves to conflicts, the better we handle any situation, which helps us become more resilient.

 

So, to help you address conflicts the right way, here are five things I learned from overcoming conflict.

 

Teaches Us to Respect Other Viewpoints

 

The reason there’s a conflict in the first person is that there are two opposing viewpoints. But most times neither side gets heard properly, which leads to an altercation, even escalating to major problems.

 

This is why negotiations are so important, even if you’re confronting a loved one. It shows that we’re willing to be flexible and more open to accept the other person’s opinions.

 

That doesn’t mean you have to agree with them. It just means you have to be willing to learn how to be prepared to accept them and move on.

 

Gives Us a Chance to Verbalize Our Needs

 

People often take for granted who we are as individuals, even those closest to us. This stems from our lack of verbalizing what it is we want or need.

 

So, we carry grudges and bottle everything inside until we can’t take it anymore. That’s when conflicts arise.

 

The best thing you can do for yourself is to look at conflicts as an opportunity. It gives you the chance to voice your opinions and share your feelings. As a result, you become less fearful of asking for what you need.

 

Improves Our Communication Skills

 

Being a good communicator requires patience and self-control. As with most things in life, the more you practice good communication skills, the better you become.

 

And the best way to practice is through confrontations, no matter how hard they may seem. Yet, you have to look beyond the fear and be willing to share our thoughts and feelings in a calm, collected way.

 

You’ll quickly realize that the right words just flow out. So, when the need arises, you can prepare for what lies ahead.

 

Makes Us Better Listeners

 

The key to overcoming conflicts is to be a better listener. Many times we're so focused on what we’re going to say next that we don’t really pay attention to what the other person is saying.

 

That’s not the way to successfully win an argument or resolve a conflict.

 

To do that, you have to learn how to do things. First, you have to control your impulse to react and blurt out things haphazardly.

 

The second thing is to learn how to actively listen when someone talks to you. It’s through listening that you can gain a better understanding of the speaker, which enables you to make smarter, wiser choices.

 

Opens Our Eyes to New Ideas

 

One of the ways conflicts can be a useful tool is by allowing you to fine-tune your opinions and ideas. As different thoughts are expressed, how you look at things changes slightly.

 

When you hear someone talking about their viewpoint with regards to a certain topic, you can’t help but clarify your own. You either start modifying your opinion, or you become even more convinced of yours.

 

A third option is to take part of your ideas and part of theirs and come up with a whole new concept!

 

That’s the beauty of conflicts. They allow you to generate new ideas and mold new perspectives.

 

Then, when you realize there are more similarities than differences, you forge a bond. This bond leads the way to establishing trust and enhancing networking. Case in point, it just makes both sides better human beings.

 

How Loving Your Life Makes Everything Better

The key to making your life work the way you want it lies in the power of your thoughts and emotions. Combined, they help create your reality.

 

This means that when you choose to be positive and love your life, it’ll love you right back. Deciding to be happy makes you better at handling challenging situations. It helps you build inner strength, resilience, and a sense of inner peace.

 

We rounded up five ways to show how loving your life makes everything better. Take a look.

 

You Feel More Authentic

 

When you start loving your life, you feel this calm flowing around you. Gone are the days of being anxious and on edge because you lived on someone else’s terms.

 

People who live their life this way enjoy more freedom and empowerment than they’ve ever felt before. The reason?

 

They’re doing the things that allow them to find their authentic self. It’s also knowing the little things that bring joy to your everyday life. This can be as simple as taking a few minutes each day to read a book or do some mindfulness meditation.

 

It can also be more substantial, like volunteering or learning a new language. Whatever it is, make sure it makes you love life and brings out your true self.

 

You Stop Pleasing People

 

One of the things that can quickly rid your life of happiness is trying to be a people-pleaser. Whether it’s your partner, friend, or loved ones, trying to please everyone is taxing and takes its toll on our physical and mental health.

 

We sometimes get so used to pleasing others that we even do it with random strangers!

 

It may sound like a good thing from the outside. But it prevents us from being our true selves because we’re always worried about what others think about us.

 

Yet, this doesn’t mean you take other people for granted or don’t consider what they have to say. But it’s all about finding the right balance. Just make sure you don’t sacrifice your peace of mind for the sake of theirs.

 

You’re Content with the ‘Right Now’

 

If you’re not happy with your present moment, then nothing will ever be good enough for you. You probably think that buying that big house or shiny car is enough to make you happy and satisfied. But that’s just seeing the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

 

Then, when you finally end up on the other side, you’re not as happy as you thought you’d be. Because you haven't perfected the fine art of fulfillment, you’ll soon find things that are wrong with that as well.

 

Instead, you have to take actionable steps toward appreciating your present just as it is. That’s the first step in loving your life.

 

Sure, it’s okay to dream and set goals, and work hard to achieve them. But just always be grateful for what you have today.

 

You Get Better At Handling Life’s Curveballs

 

Many of us don’t like change. It makes us anxious, afraid, and in a state of panic.

Yet, one of life’s constants is change. It’s an inevitable part of life as we know it.

 

So, we have to live with the fact that there will always be changes in our lives. One way we can accept this fact is by embracing change and seeing it as a good thing.

 

Not all change is bad. Some of it brings exciting events into our lives and gets us to meet new people that become lifelong friends.

 

Still, we’d be remiss not to mention that there will be changes that you don’t like. Life doesn’t always go your way. But, instead of freaking out, take this opportunity to learn and grow from it.

 

You Realize That Perfection Is Overrated

 

No one is, nor ever will be, perfect, not even those airbrushed models. Yet, sometimes, it’s easy to let yourself go down the path of doubting yourself. Questioning yourself and your choices is normal, but it should never go as far as to make you doubt your self-worth.

 

So, the first step is to stop comparing yourself to others. Once you learn how to do that, you can stop striving for perfection.

 

You’ll look at your life in a whole new way, and you learn how to embrace your mistakes, imperfections, and all. In fact, it’s these imperfect moments that help you grow and learn.

 

Stop Chasing Happiness, Find Fulfillment Instead

From an early age, we’re led to believe that nothing is more satisfying than finding happiness. But happiness is so elusive and intangible.

 

Plus, happiness is different for everyone, so how do you know when you find it? And is there something out there that can make you feel even better than happiness?

 

Yes! It’s called having a sense of fulfillment. Yet, what is that exactly, and how do you get it? That’s what we’re here today to find out.

 

So, keep reading to learn how you can stop chasing happiness to find fulfillment instead.

 

Happiness vs. Fulfillment

 

Take a look at this quick overview of happiness vs. fulfillment.

 

Happiness

 

Happiness includes feelings like contentment, excitement, and joy. But they’re all temporary.

 

Sure, it feels nice while it lasts, but other emotions take over, like anger, fear, and anxiety.

 

The trap many of us fall into is that we believe we’ll reach our point of happiness when we achieve certain things in our lives.

 

We say things like, “If I buy that shiny, red car, I’ll be happy.” or “Once I have my own house, I’ll finally be happy.”

 

Of course, you’ll be happy! But that happiness can only last so much. After that, reality sets in, especially when the bills start coming in.

 

Another problem with happiness is that we often view it in terms of other people. So we compare our lives to theirs, which is never a good idea.

 

No one knows what’s going on in other people's lives. So it’s not fair to compare only the good parts. It sends you on a loop of perpetual disappointment. The only person you should compare yourself to is you.

 

Fulfillment

 

When you pursue the things that really matter to you, you bring fulfillment into your life. Fulfillment is when you take actionable steps towards the things you value. Part of it is also achieving goals that were set up based on these core values.

 

Living your life with a consistent set of values allows you to have integrity towards who you truly are. It also allows you more control over your emotions and thoughts.

 

This makes it possible to bring the locus of control inward. Thus, you feel stronger and more empowered.

 

The bottom line is that happiness is dependent on external factors. Many of these factors are material and likely to change at any moment.

 

Fulfillment, on the other hand, is internally driven. You’re the one who determines what means more to you, and then by going after it, you elevate the levels of fulfillment in your life.

 

How To Find Fulfillment

 

You can find fulfillment in many ways. But you have to choose to see it in every experience and situation in your life, especially those that don’t go your way.

 

It sounds more challenging than it really is, but it’s actually relatively easy once you know what you’re doing. And it’s way more rewarding and empowering than chasing the ever-fleeting feeling of happiness.

 

Here are some ways to find fulfillment and bring meaning to your life.

 

Know Thyself

 

The great philosopher, Socrates, said, “Know Thyself” to encourage his students to look inward when searching for the meaning of life. So then, when you know your true nature, you can find fulfillment because you know your true self-worth.

 

You can do that by thinking of a moment when you felt most fulfilled. What about that specific event made you feel this way?

 

The more you know about yourself, the more fulfillment you’ll find in life. Remember, fulfillment isn’t about having a nice house or the latest fashion. It’s much deeper than that and much more nuanced.

 

It just takes a bit of soul searching.

 

Help Others

 

Helping others is one of the best ways to fill your life with fulfillment. You feel good by volunteering your time or money to help someone in need.

 

The science behind it is that helping others boosts the release of ‘feel-good’ chemicals in our brains. Some of these include hormones, such as dopamine and serotonin.

 

So, whether you’re helping a friend move or helping out at a local soup kitchen, you’re bringing joy and ease into other people’s lives. Not only that, but you’re also making yourself feel more fulfilled.

 

Create Connections

 

Surrounding yourself with a healthy, supportive social circle allows you to feel connected to something. In addition, being part of something fosters a sense of fulfillment in your life.

 

You have people you can talk to anytime you feel sad or stressed out. Consequently, you don’t suffer from any feelings of isolation, disconnection, or separation.

 

Be Grateful

 

Having a sense of gratitude can help you see the purpose in life and feel like you’re connected to a greater good. Gratitude also boosts your overall health and encourages positive emotions, which can come in handy when you’re going through a tough time.

 

It also motivates you to strive for more. Yet, when there’s a setback, you focus more on what you have and what you’ve accomplished rather than wallowing in your losses.

 

Being thankful each day can help you overcome difficult times and give you the support you need to get back up and keep trying to reach your potential.

 

Keep in mind that if you’re not okay with what you don’t have, you’ll never appreciate what you do have.

5 Advantages Of Living Intentionally

Living intentionally is the best way of attaining the things you desire and succeeding in your various fields of endeavor. It enables you to appreciate your journey to success and keeps you observant of opportunities. It improves your self-confidence by keeping you focused on your abilities, not your shortcomings.

 

Living intentionally means knowing the right steps to take. It means thinking about your moves before making them, and making time for things that are in line with your end goal. Living with intention enables you to live your life the way you see fit as opposed to how others see it.

 

Advantages Of Living Intentionally

 

1. Making smart decisions.

 

Living intentionally helps you to make smart decisions by making you more conscious of who you are and not on how other people see you. You are more capable of standing by what you believe in and you aren’t easily swayed by the opinions of others. Living intentionally helps you implement the kind of methods you strongly believe in. Methods that have the power to get you to your destination whether or not the next person believes in them. 

 

Intentional people keep their main goal in sight and never make room for distractions. That means when something comes along that isn’t in line with your values or beliefs you don’t compromise. You always think about the step you are about to take and find out how it impacts your vision before going ahead with it.

 

2. Seeing your vision clearer. 

 

Taking intentional actions and living an intentional life helps you see your vision clearer and keeps you believing in yourself. You understand that valuable things take time and appreciate the process that gets you to your destiny. Instead of complaining about the sacrifices you have to make along the way, you express your gratitude for the chance to do what’s necessary to get to where you intend to go.

 

3. Setting smart goals.

 

Everyone has goals but the reason why some people succeed in reaching them while others don’t is that those who succeed understand the importance of setting smart goals. An intentional life enables you to set smart goals because your plan of action is determined by what you want to achieve in the end. You learn to break down larger goals into smaller ones that you can work at daily. 

 

You think “What small step can I take right now that will get me a step closer to my goal today than I was yesterday?” Living intentionally helps you realize the significance of small steps that make a huge difference in the long run and keeps you moving forward.

 

4. Staying motivated.

 

We all need a bit of motivation now and then because motivation has the power to cause you to act when the odds are against you. It draws your attention to important things that have a noteworthy impact on your development, growth, and wellbeing. Motivation keeps you thinking “What can I do next?” “How best can I handle this” instead of “This has the potential to fail so, why act?” 

 

An intentional life is a life that fixes your attention on your abilities, the change you desire to bring about, as well as what you are expecting to achieve not what you are failing at. So, one of the main advantages of living intentionally is that you remain motivated to keep moving, keep trying, and keep believing. 

 

5. Taking risks.

 

“This may not turn out the way I’m expecting” “This may be too big a risk for me” are words and thoughts that stop you from taking big risks that have the potential of changing your life. Not being comfortable with taking risks is by far one of the main reasons why people never live the lives they desire. You think about all the reasons why that risk you are about to take will lead to your downfall and never go through with it. 

 

Nonetheless, the only way of advancing in life and living the life you want is by learning to take risks. Big or small. Be strong enough to take huge risks but be smart about it. Instead of allowing a promising bid, idea, or investment pass you by start thinking about all the right reasons why saying YES is going to work in your favor and go ahead with it.

 

Living with intention and being guided by intentional actions can help you recognize worthwhile risks that will impact your life positively. It eliminates your fear of taking chances on things that aren’t promising to other people and strengthens the faith you have in yourself when things work out.

 

Countless people who have managed to reach their highest aims and who continue to do so are risk-takers. So, become a risk-taker by living intentionally and discovering the link between certain risks and your goal. 

10 Habits For An Intentional Life

Habits are repeated action or an unconscious pattern of behavior. They affect all areas of our lives and determine how we make use of each day. We all know of good and bad habits and are probably struggling to let go of some bad practices. Unfortunately, there is nothing as hard as fighting against self. It is who you have been for a while and it takes time to let go of something that has become a part of you. However, if we are to live an intentional life and be successful in what we do, we will need to cultivate habits that are in sync with the life we want.

 

An intentional life is one where we carefully choose what to do and how we do it in order to achieve certain goals. It is a purposeful life. Needless to say, one needs to be principled to be able to live such a life. Below are ten habits that can help us stay principled as we seek to live an intentional life.

 

1.  Self-introspection – make it a habit to do a self-check. Sometimes we are our own stumbling blocks and we do not realize it. We behave in a self-sabotaging way. Therefore, we must learn to first look deep inside ourselves before we find anyone or anything else to blame for anything that is not going right in our lives. Look for your own weaknesses and areas that need to be improved and work on yourself. This will improve your relationships and your approaches as you work on your personal goals.

 

2.  Recite your life goals – this reminds you where each plan for the day is meant to take you. Remind yourself what you want to achieve every now and then. In other words, keep your eyes on the goal to avoid wasting time on things that do not bring value to your life.

 

3.  Say no – learn to say no to anything that is not in alignment with your goals. This includes saying no to your desires, your friends, and everyone else. Teach them to respect your routine and working time, and that your interests and goals matter too. Also, do not embrace excuses, they help you feel comfortable in your weaknesses. 

 

4.  Draw a lesson from each challenge you face – challenges happen for a reason. They could be from our own miscalculations of or from external forces. Regardless of the cause, there is always something to learn from them. These range from misunderstandings to failed businesses. Identify opportunities too where possible.

 

5.  Listen more and talk less – when you learn to listen more you learn more from others. You do not only get valuable information related to your dreams, but you also understand them better and improve relationships. Listening also gives you enough time to think before you talk or react. It also helps you understand the contents of a discussion and lessens the chances of a misunderstanding or conflict.

 

6.  Show appreciation – be grateful for your achievements and growth and learn to express genuine gratitude to others. An intentional life is nearly impossible to follow if one is ungrateful. The person tends to be driven by their desire to achieve more and they are never content. Such an attitude can drive a person to do anything including things that are out of character. Following a straight path feels like a burden. Appreciating what we have helps us stay calm and takes away focus from a single goal.

 

7.  Reward yourself for good work – we need to be easy going and not make everything about the future while forgetting to live in the present. Reward yourself when you achieve a goal or finish a task. It makes you feel good and motivates you to do more as you realize the results of committing to your goals. This further encourages you to cultivate more good habits. “When we give ourselves treats, we feel energized, cared for, and contented, which boosts our self-command — and self-command helps us maintain our healthy habits.” Gretchen Rubin.

 

8.  Do not spend more than enough time on the phone or television – social media, television, and games can be addictive. We should learn to limit the time we spend on them to avoid losing work and study time. 

 

9.  Rest when you need to – your body and mind require you to rest. Sometimes we stay up late trying to finish a task. Taking time to rest helps us refresh our minds such that when its time to return to the task our brains will function more efficiently and makes you more productive. Resting helps our muscles recover, reduces stress, gives us more energy, and improves our mood.

 

10. Control your spending habits – know how much you need to spend and on what. It is necessary to have a budget and controlling your spending habits can help you stick to it. Budgeting helps you keep in mind what is worth spending on. As we master how to control our spending habits, it becomes easier to reach our financial goals. 

Be An Intentional Person

“When I grow up I want to be a doctor. I like this job because it serves humanity in the most phenomenal way. Every day will be an opportunity for me to learn more about diseases and their cures. I see myself become so excellent at my job that people will refer each other to me for the best medical attention. Seeing my uncle parade the hospital in his white coat, stethoscope around his neck, and with a determined look on his face inspired me towards this dream. Seeing my dad recover and be discharged from the intensive care unit in a few days sealed it. I am going to study hard therefore to achieve this goal and then buy a big house in the suburbs and raise my beautiful, big, and happy family there.”

 

This is an extract from an essay I wrote at age eleven and I must say this was the style for most of my peers at that time. Some wanted to be accountants, teachers, soldiers, nurses, and so forth but the common ground for all of us was that we were made to imagine ourselves years into the future. That insight of oneself in the future was in no doubt a good thing, there is only one problem that I got to realize when I was older and that was the fact that this exercise which we repeated almost every year always only focused distant future. What if we had been asked to write about our future in the next five, two or one year? What would have been different had I been made to create an image of myself in a year or a school term? If the topic had been, “This coming month” instead of “When I grow up”?

 

The major goals of self in the next ten years are exciting, they show you that indeed you can create anything you want in this life. They revive hope for a future far ahead of the present but if they are not accompanied by smaller ones aiming at the nearer future, they are of no use. Most of those kids who said they wanted to become doctors including myself never became so. It all stayed put in our composition books. 

A few days ago, I listened with sadness as a grown woman who was soon to be evicted from a rented apartment said that she was waiting in hope for a solution concerning where she would go next. The more I tried to question her plan the greater the stress I seemed to put her under so I gave up. It was right then that it struck me how important it is to be an intentional person. I quickly realized the importance of a plan, not just a fantasy about the future in the next five or ten years but a plan that affects one’s choices and actions today.

 

Intentional people don’t collide with their destiny, they create it; block by block. They are strong-willed and determined to get the best out of life. These are the people who wait for nobody to help them, they strategically gather the help they need and use it. This is the breed of winners that train their emotions to follow their actions and not the other way round. Rarely are these people surprised by the turnout of events because every day they take calculated moves towards their clear goals. 

 

Be that person who is intentional. Become that person today who has plans for today, tomorrow, the week, and the month in an effort to reach your epitome in the next three, five, or ten years. Refuse to let life constantly take you by surprise, fight to sit on the driver seat of yours every day, and head towards your most excellent self. Have answers for the whys around your behavior and circumstances. If you are on a job you dislike, let it be because it pays your bills now as you strategize on how to get the one that resonates with your soul.

 

Permission and validation from someone else may never come, give it to yourself today. What if you started by commanding joy into your day and your life as a whole? Let me assure you that you would lose your temper less often if you did. You would be less confused, less discouraged, and less frustrated. Intentionally smile at that person who gets on your nerves and watch as your relationship evolves into something pleasant. Deliberately give to the poor even while you feel that you are also going through a rough patch in your financial life. The law of giving and receiving will not let you down.

 

In all this, set out to be fruitful and progressive. Make false starts, run out of breath, and then pause to take a break, head in the wrong direction sometimes and then bring yourself back to your lane. The adventure involved in doing all this is worth it. Just because you have structure doesn’t mean you will get it right all the time. Be willing to make the moves, all the same, if you have a clear intention of where you are going you will definitely reach there. 

 

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