You're Not Guaranteed Another Minute, and That's Beautiful

No one is guaranteed a certain amount of time on this planet. There are 24 hours in a day, but not one of them is promised to you. You aren't guaranteed to see the ending of a movie just because you've made it up to the climax.

 

Truth be told, you can't be sure you'll be existing 60 seconds from now.

 

You're probably thinking that this is a dismal and negative picture we're painting. Please don't believe that. There is incredible beauty found in this idea if you let it come to light.

 

It's something that we often learn later in life. We suffer a devastating loss, and we look back on our past. Perhaps a friend or family member passes away. We think about all the things we wish we would've told that person. 

 

Regret often accompanies the loss of a loved one. The wise person will let that regret pass. They begin to think of all the wonderful memories created with the person that's no longer in their life. They smile and get good feelings reminiscing that way.

 

Eventually, our own mortality comes to mind. We realize that the world can change in the blink of an eye. When this happens to you, hopefully you never forget that lesson.

 

Embrace All the Beauty and Positivity in the Present Moment

 

The things you've done in your past, even the past few seconds, cannot be changed. For all intents and purposes, that means it doesn't exist. You can reminisce about wonderful times in the past and that's a good thing. But you have no control over your past.

 

The future doesn't exist. You can't guarantee the future, even a few seconds or minutes or an hour from now. Embrace that. Understand what it means. This natural fact means that you owe it to yourself to live in the present moment right now.

 

Own it. Experience it fully with all of your senses. With the knowledge that we're guaranteed no amount of time on earth, you'll start to see beauty everywhere. You understand how your entire existence is only one present moment at a time. 

 

Think about it this way and you'll make better plans. While your future isn't guaranteed, embracing this mindset will have you making smarter plans for your future. You'll take your relationships much more seriously. Embrace the present moment without guarantees of anything in the future and you'll start calling the people that you love and telling them how much they mean to you.

 

No matter what you do, you can't alter the fact that nothing is guaranteed in life. 

 

This may seem like a heavy conversation to have with young people, but it needs to happen. It can produce an appreciation for relationships and beauty and positivity that otherwise might not exist. You owe it to yourself to plan for a wonderful future. You should also give yourself the gift of being totally alive and present in the now.

 

The Benefits of Mindfulness

You have probably been told that embarking on a journey to become more mindful in your life will be very beneficial to you. But you may be wondering just what are the benefits of being more mindful. There are so many benefits to being more mindful in your life, some of which are explained below.  

 

Stress Reduction

 

If you are like most people in this world, you live a busy life that is often full of stress. And stress has proven to be both bad for the body and the mind. When you work on becoming more mindful in your life, this will help reduce your stress. It will also help improve other mental aspects, such as focus and efficiency, which are often impeded by the effects of stress. 

 

Better Sleep

 

Do you have trouble sleeping at night? Well, becoming more mindful can help you with that as well. Being more mindful helps reduce the number of the ailments which cause problems sleeping, such as anxiety and stress. So, once you become more mindful, you’ll sleep more deeply and wake feeling more rested. 

 

Improved Relationships

 

It can be hard to maintain relationships in your life if you lack empathy or are prone to emotional outbursts. Improving your mindfulness can help with both of these, as in one study performed by the California State University San Marcos, it was discovered that instruction in mindfulness both increases empathy and emotional control—meaning participants were less likely to have emotional outbursts in the future. 

 

More Fulfillment

 

Mindfulness can help you feel happier and more fulfilled. This is because part of mindfulness is learning who you are and how to accept yourself and your life as it is. It will also help you set more effective goals for yourself and handle any difficult situations that may come your way confidently. This means you will be less likely to be thrown off when something in your life doesn’t go as planned, and you will be able to move forward with your life with ease. 

 

Of course, these aren’t all the benefits of mindfulness, as the list goes on and on. But when you take steps to become more mindful, the benefits you will experience will transform your life in several ways, which will lead you to become a happier person who maintains excellent relationships with others.   

What Does Contentment Mean?

People may have told you at some point in your life that you need to have more contentment. But what does this mean exactly? Unsurprisingly, being content is something that will look different for every individual. There are a few similar attributes that content people share, though. 

 

Contentment Is Being Grateful

 

When you have contentment, you are grateful for all the things you have in life. And this doesn't just mean physical possessions. It also means being content with the people you have in life and less tangible things like your abilities and skills. If you struggle with being grateful for the things you have, it may help if you make a list of all the things you are grateful for in life. It would be best if you did this regularly. This way, you will have a visual of all the amazing aspects of your life, and it will help keep these things at the forefront of your mind. 

 

Contentment Is Living in the Moment

 

Living a life filled with contentment means you spend your time living in the moment rather than dwelling in the past. When you find yourself thinking too much about the past, it's time to try to let these regrets go. So, when you find yourself surrounded by friends at an event, instead of looking in your phone at social media and other things that happened in the past, you need to put your phone down and resolve to enjoy the moment, and whatever may come your way.

 

Being Content Is Being Happy

 

Above all else, being content in life means you are happy with things just like they are. Contentment means you don't need to worry about physical possessions because you know that you have everything you need to be successful and happy. If acquiring physical possessions is something you frequently do, the next time you find yourself wanting to buy something, ask yourself if you need it or if you want it. Chances are you probably don’t need whatever it is you are about to buy.

 

In conclusion, contentment means many different things to people, but in general, being content means that you are grateful for what you have, that you live in the moment, and that you are overall happy with the way your life is going. The road to achieving contentment won’t always be easy, but you can guarantee you will be happy when you get there. 

 

5 Things to Remember to Improve Your Self-Esteem

Are you overly concerned about what other people think about you? Do you find yourself worrying about what others say about you? While it is natural to seek the approval of others, those who have a high self-esteem, and are self-confident, are able to discount the negative opinions of others and to remain assured of their own self-worth. 

 

Focusing on building your self-confidence can be made easier when you keep these five things in mind the next time you find yourself worried about what someone else believes about you.

 

1. Never guess what others might be thinking

 

You cause yourself much unnecessary suffering when you waste your energy imagining that others may intend you harm. You truly have no idea what anyone else is thinking. Train yourself to avoid making any assumptions about what others may be thinking - and train yourself to avoid making any assumptions about why other people choose to do or to say something - or to not do or to not say anything. 

 

2. Live your own life 

 

There is no way your life is "supposed" to be lived. There are no "authorities" appointed to judge the worthiness of your life. You have no responsibility to please anyone other than yourself. Be of service to humanity, but never be anyone's doormat. Live your own life full out. Live boldly with vision, purpose, and commitment. Establish your own life purpose, and live your own life. 

 

3. Make your own choices

 

Your plan for your life is the only plan that matters. Your parents and your family, perhaps your church and your friends, have plans for your life, but those people are mere spectators of your life - the life you get to live every day. 

 

4. Value your own opinions

 

Why would you consider someone else's opinions, or wishes, to be more important than your own? In fact, why should anyone else's opinions carry any weight whatsoever in how you live your life? Make your life choices sincerely and deliberately. Then never second-guess your own values and choices simply because they may not be approved of by those around you. 

 

5. Choose to associate mostly with positive people who support you 

 

You can't completely avoid negative people - there are probably a few negative people in your extended family and where you work. However, you can make the choice to limit your exposure to negative people, and to cultivate friends and acquaintances who have a positive outlook on life, who share many of your essential values, and who value you as a person.

What Are the Benefits of a Positive Self-Image?

With all the negativity that exists in the world, it’s difficult to imagine any other way to be. But the benefits of having a positive self-image are numerous. Following are some of the major benefits.

 

Get More Done

 

When you have a positive outlook, you are more likely to find ways that work rather than look for reasons why they won’t. If something doesn’t work the way you wanted, you have the right attitude to try something else without getting discouraged. If you eventually get a little down, it won’t last because of your positive attitude.

 

Get More Out of Others

 

Did you ever notice people who maintain a positive attitude? They likely have no trouble getting others to participate and are typically the leaders of a group. This is for good reason. It’s because they are approachable and will help you find ways to solve problems. And they do this without any complaints. There will be a few negative people but most of the group will be on board and helpful.

 

It’s Better for your Health

 

Positive thinkers are less stressed out, all things being equal. Even if they come across stressful situations, their attitude will get them through it much quicker than those that insist on being negative. When there is less stress in your life, you will naturally be healthier than those who are constantly stressed out.

 

You Will Be a More Pleasant Person

 

People gravitate towards positive people, even if it is on a subconscious level. It simply feels better to speak to people who continuously are positive. You gain more friends and they tend to be lasting relationships. Negative people may still develop friendships but they usually won’t last as more people realize they are a drag to be with.

 

You Tend to Be More Satisfied

 

When you solve more problems by being positive, you are likely to get more done which will get you noticed by others. This is satisfying as more will jump on board to people who show they get things done. In many instances, this can lead to more promotions which usually includes higher salaries. Yet, your positive attitude will show others that this is not your true motivation. 

 

With all the benefits associated with having a positive attitude, the right course of action should always be to strive to become more positive. It takes practice and won’t happen overnight but is well worth pursuing.

 

Are your Toxic Friends Lowering Your Self-Esteem?

Do you have toxic friends? Are there people in your friendship group that seem to be intent on bringing you down instead of lifting you up? Your toxic friends can be damaging to your health and your self-esteem. 

 

How can you tell if a friend is toxic?

 

• Do they focus on your weaknesses or bad points, even if it’s “only joking?”

• Do they criticize your clothes, appearance, choices or actions?

• Do they let you down, like “forgetting” to show up for dates?

• Do they borrow money, but don’t pay it back?

• Do they try and pressure you into doing things when you don’t want to?

• Do they always talk about themselves and their problems and never about yours?

• Do they talk up their lives, but are negative or dismissive about yours?

• Do you have to make all the organizing for trips, dinners, or even just staying in touch?

• Are they happy and celebrate your successes? Or do they snipe or criticize? 

• Do they stand you up, even if you organized that vacation, dinner, or party months ago?

 

If someone is continually telling you that you need to lose weight, or you’ll never get a good job or write that book, they are not your friend. If they borrow money or your car or your clothes, they are subliminally (and not very subtly) telling you that you’re not worth much at all. If they treat you like a doormat, sooner or later you’ll come to believe you’re a doormat. 

 

Toxic friends are holding up a distorting mirror - showing you a negative reflection that is not you - it’s a part of them. But this reflection can undermine your self-esteem and leave you feeling powerless. You don’t need that in your life. 

 

Friends are supposed to add to your life, to make you feel good, to be there for you when times are tough, to support you, and celebrate the good times. Toxic friends continually let you down and undermine you. Bad friendships can affect your physical and mental health, leading to high blood pressure, lower immunity, depression, and anxiety. Research has shown that supportive friendships can boost your immune system and people with good friends even live longer!

 

So, take a look at the so-called friends who don’t make you feel good about yourself and decide whether you want them in your life or not. You can choose to let them fade out of your life, allowing more time to make real friends. 

 

6 Things You Can Do Right Now to Change Your Life and Stop Worrying

Worry gets in to all the crevices of our lives. We worry about our jobs, our kids, our relationships, money, and a million other things every single day. It’s no wonder we feel like we’re not getting things done the way we’d like.

 

Thankfully, it doesn’t have to be this way. To change your life and stop worrying, ask yourself these quick questions:

 

What Are You Really Worried About?

 

Many times, worry is a mask for something else entirely. A hard look and some pointed questions might be necessary to get to the heart of the matter. On the other hand, once you have a clear understanding of what the real issue is, it’s easier to address the problem and stamp out the worry completely.

 

Is This Even Possible?

 

Worry inflates everything to monster proportions. If your worry seems slightly ridiculous, it probably is. Take a step back and ask yourself just how likely this outcome is. Worry can’t stand up under this kind of scrutiny.

 

Is This Something I can Control?

 

We’re very good at worrying about something we can’t change. Seriously, what difference does it make if it snows tomorrow? Nothing we do can keep the flakes from falling. Accept sometimes you’re just going to have to go with the flow and adapt to the circumstances.

 

Does this Affect Me Today?

 

Worries about the future can really derail your life today. If you’re worried about something far off, it’s time to take a step back. Ask yourself a fundamental follow-up question if you’re concerned about the future: “Is there something I can do today that will prevent this outcome tomorrow?” If so, now you have a plan of action. Get to it!

 

Am I Spending Too Much Time?

 

Obsessive worry doesn’t help anyone. If you find yourself circling back to the same concern over and over, you might need help breaking out of this cycle. Consider talking to someone, such as a good friend or even a counselor or trained professional, to help you break out of this vicious cycle.

 

Why Do I Care What Others Think?

 

If you’re worried about the opinions of others, why? If you’re concerned about impressing your boss, there are better ways to do this than worrying. More often than not, though, you’re going to find most people’s opinions really don’t matter. Don’t let them get to you.

 

Once you have the answers to these questions, you’ll find it’s easy to get your thoughts back on track. Worry becomes a thing of the past when we’re mindful of it, and don’t let it become obsessive. Imagine the difference a life without so much worry will make.

6 Ways to Deal with Naysayers and Crush Your Goals

Taking a leap of faith for yourself is an already daunting and challenging path. Naysayers or Negative Nancy’s only make the journey that much more difficult. You do not need their pessimism, nor do you have to deal with it. There are several ways to deal with these individuals so you can move past them and crush your goals.

 

1. Distance Yourself from the Negative

 

If possible, put space between those individuals and your goals. Continually listening to doubt will eventually manifest into challenging yourself. If you cannot distance yourself from a naysayer, have an honest conversation with them. Explain that you don’t have to have their support, but their discouragement is not welcome. Be polite but firm.

 

2. Bolster Yourself with Support

 

Once you have pushed away the negative, bring in the support. Surrounding yourself with people that believe in your goals will allow you to be yourself and unapologetically go after what you want. The support you receive from others will act as reassurance on the path you are taking, and they will help pick you up when times are tough.

 

3. No Justification Necessary

 

You do not have to justify yourself, your goals, or the path you are taking to anyone. Everyone is different, no two people live identical lives or achieve their goals in the same ways. If someone questions you, simply say, “This is what I choose.”

 

4. Don’t Share

 

If you know someone you will need to be around think you are crazy for going after your goal in a big way, don’t give them ammunition. Avoid talking about your plans around them. If they try to bring it up, take the conversation another direction.

 

5. Turn Doubt into Motivation

 

If someone doubts you, use their doubt as motivation. Maybe that means making a wager or promising yourself that you’ll prove him or her wrong. Either way, do not let the uncertainty of others weigh you down. Most likely, what they think really doesn’t matter.

 

6. Embrace Solitude and Reflection

 

Keeping up the hustle to achieve your goals can be a lonely path sometimes. Give yourself downtime to reflect on your goals, how far you have come, and re-evaluate your plan of action. This quiet time will also fill your cup and let new ideas and motivation form.

 

Naysayers are everywhere in life. They are in your family, at work, and maybe even your friend group. This does not mean that you need to spend your life working within the parameters of their beliefs. You can move beyond their negativity and crush your goals with relentless willpower. 

5 Examples Of Social Anxiety

Social anxiety disorder, also known as social phobia, affects around 6.8 million adults in the U.S. Still, many people struggle with this condition. They are not officially diagnosed by a mental health care provider, according to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). 

 

NIMH states that this anxiety disorder can be mild to moderate and sometimes only lasts several hours. It can be long-lasting, preventing you from participating in everyday activities and relationships with others.

 

SAD can be defined as excessive worry and nervousness about social situations and interactions with other people that impact an individual’s ability to function. 

 

Although this condition may seem common, many people don’t understand what it means to have social anxiety or how it manifests itself in day-to-day life. Here are five examples of social anxiety and how you can learn from them to shed light on this topic.

 

1. Speaking in public

 

Public speaking is a common fear, and it's not surprising that it causes social anxiety. Many people fear public speaking because they don't want to be judged and scrutinized by an audience. 

 

These feelings often lead to physical symptoms like increased heart rate and sweaty palms. Speaking in front of a small group or an individual may seem less daunting than presenting in front of hundreds of people. It's important for those with this fear to realize that most audiences have members who feel anxious before making their presentations.

 

2. Going out with friends

 

Going out with friends is an event that can trigger social anxiety. However, this experience doesn't have to be a terrible one. With the right mindset, you can make it a positive experience. Below are a few ways to help manage this anxiety: 

 

• Make your expectations realistic. 

• Plan and know what to expect. 

• Practice what you'll say beforehand to feel more confident when meeting new people.

• Bring a friend or someone you know who's been there before to help introduce you. 

• Arrive early so you don't feel rushed.

 

3. Talking on the phone

 

Phone conversations are one of the most common triggers for people with social anxiety. Feeling anxious about talking on the phone typically stems from a fear that the person on the other end will be judging you. 

 

It's important to remember that this is not always the case and that they may have a similar experience or understanding of what you are going through.

 

Think about why it might bother you to talk on the phone: 

 

• What does it mean if someone calls? 

• What are you afraid might happen when someone calls? 

• Why do those thoughts make you feel uneasy? 

• How does it make your body feel when these thoughts come up? 

• What would need to happen for those thoughts to stop bothering you?

 

4. Meeting new people

 

When meeting new people, it is important to be able to start a conversation confidently.

 

If you are too anxious to do so, try one of these techniques:

 

• Ask the person their name and tell them yours. 

• Compliment the person on their appearance or wearing something. 

• Tell them how much you enjoy their work.

• Bring up an interest in common that you share with the person, such as sports or music.

• The next time you see this person, remember what you talked about so you can pick up where your last conversation left off.

 

5. Ordering food at restaurants

 

If ordering food at a restaurant, you may feel intimidated and scared. Why? You're not sure what to say or how to act. You want the person taking your order to like you, and you're terrified they won't. 

 

You worry that the way your voice sounds is unattractive, that you don't sound smart enough, or that they'll think your voice is annoying. The anxiety that occurs when eating in public: Eating in public can be stressful for someone with social anxiety. It's hard to eat while ensuring no one looks, talks too much, or is too quiet.

 

Final thoughts

 

Social anxiety can make a person feel self-conscious, embarrassed, and even experience panic. It is important to remember that social anxiety is a common condition that many people experience at one time or another. 

 

While it is not easy to deal with, there are ways to overcome social anxiety and improve your quality of life. Remembering these five examples of social anxiety may help you deal with it better in the future.

7 Benefits of Living by Your Own Rules

From childhood on, we are taught to fit in. We do what's expected. We learn to be responsible, and we stop taking chances. After a while, this can feel a little boring. Worse, we start wondering who we are. 

 

It's time to take back control. It's time to live by your own rules.

 

You'll Like YOU Better

 

It's hard to have a lot of self-respect when you're always compromising who you are. When you stick to your belief system and act in ways that are authentic to yourself, you'll find you like yourself a whole lot more.  

 

Others Will Like You Better

 

You're not the only one who's going to notice the change. When you stop wearing masks and trust others with who you are, people appreciate your authenticity. This kind of honesty also gives them the space to be vulnerable, something which is hard to find. It's no wonder they'll respect you more when you're yourself.

 

You Bounce Back

 

If you fail, that's on you. Accept whatever lessons the experience teaches you and move on. When you lose by your own rules, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

 

More Intimate Relationships

 

How can anyone possibly fall in love with a fake person? When you're always showing the other person your best self, they never get to know the true you. Relationships grow and develop where there's intimacy. Intimacy comes from being honest. 

 

You'll Rediscover Passion

 

When you're always doing what everyone else wants, it's hard to feel fulfilled in your work. When you set your own goals and aspire to reach your dreams, you'll find life much more rewarding. You can never be delighted unless you are excited about but what you're doing. Here's where passion lies. 

 

You Don't Miss Out

 

Don't you hate regrets? When you look back on your life, what would you most like to see? Do you want to be able to say, "I did what everyone expected" or "I realized my dreams"?

 

You Discover Optimism

 

In the end, it's easier to look forward to a day where you know you are pursuing the things you are passionate about. Here is happiness, and a whole lot of optimism toward what comes next.  

 

You're going to find there are still times when you need to live by someone else's rules. It would help if you drove the speed limit. You can't just take what isn't yours. But on the other hand, in those times where you do have control, you're going to find you're much happier when you call the shots. Be yourself. Do your own thing. Embrace life. 

 

And only follow the rules when you have to. 

 

Are Your Fears Holding You Back?

Fear is an emotion that can hold you back from reaching your goals and levels of success in your career – or even in school. Taking risks is part of everyday life but can be hindered if you are fearful of the unknown. How often do you say no to something just because you are fearful of what you think could happen?

 

Five Types of Fear

 

The top five fears that may be holding you back could include the following:

 

• Feeling inadequate – Do you fear you are not good enough or lack the skills to pursue your dreams? You can overcome this fear by knowing and understanding your importance in a particular area of your life. 

• The unknown – Do you have the common fear of the unknown? You can overcome this fear by having a vision for yourself and your future. 

• FOMO – Fear of Missing Out is when you wish you were doing what others are doing because it looks better than what you’re doing. This type of fear is a distraction that can keep you from forming real relationships. 

• Change – Fear of change can steal your joy and peace. To overcome this fear, take time to enjoy the moment you are in. Doing this can help you appreciate your life and relationships in a deeper manner. 

• Being judged – No one wants to be judged by others and being vulnerable opens you up for the possibility of being judged. Adam Kirk Smith, Author of “The Bravest You” says “embrace your personal story” to overcome this fear. 

 

Fear can be crippling and can hold you back from your true potential. Though you may never live a completely fear-free life, there are ways you can overcome the fears in your life. 

 

It’s important to be open and honest with your fears too. You could even journal those fears so you can write down the ways to overcome them. The majority of fear comes from the unknown or even the thought of taking a risk. No one wants to be judged so it comes naturally to stay away from these types of situations. Lack of self-esteem or self-confidence can be an underlying cause of such fears. 

 

Overcome Your Fears

 

Begin by establishing a purpose for taking a risk; doing so this can remove that fear. Knowing your purpose will help you overcome many fears in your life. Purpose and meaning in life can help you move past your fears and guide you along your life’s journey.

 

Consider using positive affirmations when you are faced with a fear. Knowing where you are and what you want can help move you from a state of fear to a position of success. 

 

Finally, understand that not all fear is negative. Some fear can save your life and help you through a life-or-death situation. According to PsychologyToday.com “Real fear can save our lives, embrace it. Manufactured fear divides us, let it go. And, be sure to give fear the attention it needs so you can distinguish between the two.”

Signs You Might Be Experiencing Impostor Syndrome

Impostor syndrome is defined as, “anxiety or self-doubt that results from persistently undervaluing one’s competence and active role in achieving success, while falsely attributing one’s accomplishments to luck or other external forces.” Now that you know what impostor syndrome is, how do you know if you are living with it?

 

Five Signs You Have Impostor Syndrome

 

Here are five common signs that you are living with impostor syndrome.

 

• You cannot assess your skills and abilities realistically because you are giving yourself unrealistic goals to accomplish. 

• You connect your success to the outcome, giving no thought to the amount of work you put forth.

• You put down your own efforts and accomplishments by shrugging them off as if they were “not that good”. 

• You live in constant fear of failing to meet your own expectations, but fail to acknowledge the goals you’ve reached. 

• You engage in activities that self-sabotage potential success by choosing to deliberately procrastinate. 

 

Many people with impostor syndrome look for ways to protect their ego and self-esteem when faced with tough situations. There are negative side effects to living with impostor syndrome, such as hindering your chance of success by choosing to create a barrier. Some individuals use their limiting beliefs, or feelings of impostor syndrome, for motivation.

 

External Proof versus Internal Thoughts

 

Impostor syndrome keeps you from internally accepting or believing your abilities or successes. The more you accomplish and succeed, the stronger the negative thoughts can become. 

 

Do you struggle with thoughts or feelings of being a fraud in your career or at school? Have you reached a goal yet you don’t feel you did it well enough? These are examples of how individuals with impostor syndrome feel. Even though you accomplished the goal you set out to do, you can’t seem to internally believe it was good enough. 

 

Internal feelings can increase the anxiety and could lead to intense feelings of being a fraud. This creates a vicious cycle and it may require the help of a psychologist or therapist to overcome this phenomenon. If the impostor syndrome is not correctly handled, it can lead to feelings of isolation or even feelings of dread. 

 

Impostor syndrome is often passed down to a person from their family, unknowingly. It may not be evident until later in their teens or adulthood. Another potential cause may be from entering a new career field where you internally compare your skills to those who have been at the job longer than yourself. There could also be a number of external factors that could cause a person to be inflicted with impostor syndrome. 

 

Once you realize you have impostor syndrome, you can take steps to overcome it. Some of these steps include sharing your feelings and fears with trusted individuals. Ask yourself if your thoughts are honest and rational. Assess whether you are comparing yourself to others without even realizing it. Keep in mind that successful people struggle with impostor syndrome and often relate their success to luck instead of hard work. Let your guard down and let others see you for who you really are. 

 

Success Is Not Luck, It’s You!

Do you have feelings or worries that your co-workers or friends will think you're a fraud? Do you often feel like you don’t belong? These are feelings of impostor syndrome and an estimated 70% of successful people experience this in their lives. 

 

Impostor syndrome can cause you to feel that you only accomplished your goals due to luck. Maybe you think you aren’t as good as your boss thinks you are and you worry that you’ll be found out. 

 

Research shows us that both men and women battle impostor syndrome and are unable to acknowledge and own their successes. 

 

Five Patterns of Impostor Syndrome

 

According to the impostor expert Valerie Young and author of “The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women”, there are five patterns that can be found in those who suffer from this phenomenon.

• You set unrealistic goals for yourself and are often considered a perfectionist. 

• You are afraid to speak up or answer questions due to fear of not knowing the answer.

• You are afraid to ask for help because you think you’ll look like a failure to others.

• You feel like a fraud if the answer doesn’t come naturally.

• You push yourself hard than your peers in order to prove yourself. 

 

Individuals that live with impostor syndrome think that things happen to them due to luck rather than their own hard work or abilities. This then leads to a cycle of negative thinking that can hold them back from moving up the corporate ladder. They may even end up working harder than necessary, which could lead to increased feelings of failure or burnout.

 

Change Your Mindset, Change Your Life

 

If you are living with impostor syndrome you may struggle with accepting your own success. Perhaps you feel that you don’t deserve your corporate position or an award of accomplishment. If you can relate to this, then there are some suggestions on how you can fix your inner impostor. 

 

• Change your mindset to accept your shortcomings instead of seeking a perfect outcome with every project or goal. 

• Embrace your imperfections and learn to accept yourself the way you are. Remind yourself that you did your best. 

• Keep a list of realistic goals. If you have a list of goals already then look through them with honesty.

• Believe the effort you’ve put forth regardless of the outcome. You may have worked hard towards a goal just to fall short of the desired outcome. This is an opportunity to accept the outcome and still be proud of the work you put into it. 

• Create a focused goal instead of trying to divide your attention energy between unrelated topics. Be okay with having someone else work on a particular area of a task so you are free to focus on what you enjoy.

 

Impostor syndrome can cause the strongest and most successful individuals to feel like they are not good enough. This syndrome has a negative effect on all areas of your life. So take time to assess where you are and what you can do to move forward in your life.