How To Choose A Life That You Love

A man is defined by the decisions he makes. Life as we have come to know it, is made up of decisions that we make, either wrong or right. These decisions at the end of the day, combined, give direction to the life that we lead today and have a bearing on what is to come tomorrow. They determine who we become and have an influence on our position in society. So vital is the process of decision making, that man was given the free will to choose. And we can only know what is right and what is wrong if we have knowledge and information to make informed and wise decisions.

 

So important is the process of decision making that sometimes, one bad decision can ruin not only one's life but it can also have a great impact on the lives of those around that individual, the community, the nation and even the world at large. Therefore, it is of paramount importance that as we develop ourselves as individuals, we dwell on decision making and equip ourselves with the skill, tools, and wisdom to make wise, sound decisions. Many scholars, writers, and researchers have put forward a lot of literature and theories about decisions and the decision-making process, all in a bit to educate you and l on how to make wise decisions. In psychology, decision-making is regarded as the cognitive process resulting in the selection of a belief or a course of action among several possible alternative options. 

 

A lot has been said around the subject, however, to date, as individuals we still struggle when it comes to this part of our lives and find ourselves making poor decisions, some that go on to ruin our lives. The bottom line is with little or no knowledge at all, it is very difficult to make an informed decision. When decision making becomes more of a lottery than an informed choice, it becomes suicidal. 

 

A lot of great men and women, including kings and queens, have seen their kingdoms tumble down all because they failed to master the art of decision making. I say it is an art because it is an expression of oneself, one’s knowledge on a particular subject, and one’s boldness to make a choice and stand by it. Allow me to put forward 3 simple steps that can aid you and l in making a wise and informed decision. These simple 3 steps when mastered will help you develop to be a better decision-maker. Before l give you these 3 simple steps, allow me to state that when a decision is made, it can either be right or wrong. The moral standing of a decision made at any particular time depends on who is analyzing it and what impact that decision that has been made has on them immediately or soon. It is all about perception and this fact makes the procession of decision making even more important for the individual. Therefore, try and equip yourself with the following 3 steps or you can also view them as skills.

1. Gather as much information as possible 

 

Before making any decision, learn to equip yourself with as much information as possible about the decision you are about to make. It could be the various choices or options that are at your disposal. It could be the impact, effects, or the consequences that each of these choices has. Before making a decision, gather, research, assess, and be in a better position than you were before to make a decision. One can never get to a point where they have exhausted all the avenues or possibilities surrounding a decision but they can make an informed choice relying on work that they have done prior.

2.    Make the decision

 

Once you have equipped yourself with information, be brave enough to make the decision. Decisions will not make themselves. They need one to stand up and make a choice. This is not an easy thing to do but it must be done. Many successful men and women are where they are today because they were brave enough to stand up and be counted. They were brave enough to make that decision that many were afraid to make. 

3.    Lastly, stand by it 

Learn to always stand by the decision you make whether it turns out to be right or wrong. Learn to have a backbone, to trust your judgment, and stand by it. When a wrong decision is made, and as a result, a glass is broken, learn to apologize where an apology is due, clear the mess and pick up the pieces and move on. We learn from the decisions that we make. We will not be perfect overnight but it is in practicing and applying these 3 steps that we get better and grow to master the art of making decisions.

 

Always remember the 1..2..3 of decision making: gather information, make the decision, and stand by it. 

How To Live A More Intentional Life

There is a popular saying that life is too short, well, it’s a fact. People want to make every moment count and enjoy life. ‘Live a little’, they say. But, enjoying life doesn’t mean that we should be reckless or that we should care less about life. We can choose a unique way of enjoying life so that even when the time comes to leave the earth, we can rest with a smile knowing that we did everything to the best of our abilities. Unlike simply enjoying life, this choice, which can be referred to as living an intentional life, does exceedingly more for us. If you have tried both sides, living an unintentional and intentional life that is, you will understand this better. Just so we are clear, living an intentional life means making a decision as to what kind of person you want to be and what you want your life to communicate then purposing to align your actions, goals, and conversations with that dream. 

 

Let’s face it, we can live life the way we want without worrying about what others think as long as we continue to have ‘fun’, no rules whatsoever to guide us. But the fact is that most people rarely find fulfillment in that kind of life. An unintentional life can lead us to 'wherever the wind blows'. I'm sure you can guess that having to turn back and go against the wind and dealing with the bruises and consequences may be the hardest thing to do. Of course, this does not mean that an intentional life is perfect, and without challenges. But, there is one thing that we can be sure of. People who live an intentional life have so much that is protecting them against or giving them strength in the storms of life. On top of that, the life they live may also have a long-lasting impact on people in their circles. To them, life is not just about surviving, it is a purposeful journey on which each one of us has a role to play. If you are keen on living or continuing to live a more intentional life, you might need to do the following;

 

1.  Know your purpose – it gives your life direction. It is easy to forget goals unless they are founded in who you are and who you are determined to be. People who know their purpose are usually strong-willed and do not find satisfaction in anything that does not contribute to fulfilling their purpose. They are more likely to be solid in their planning. Thus, when we know our purpose, we do not do things randomly unless they help us reach our goals even if they came unexpectedly.

 

2.  Set clear goals – goals are targets that are markers of who we are and where we are going. To successfully live an intentional life, we need to consider our ultimate goal or purpose and the best way to achieve it. Thus, we will need to take into consideration the spirituality, type of life partner or family, type of job, the friends, the connections and schedules that perfectly align with what we want to achieve in our lifetime. Put simply, your goals align with your values and dream

 

3.  Have a solid foundation or reason for the life you want – How firm anything stands with or without storms is determined by how strong the foundation is. If you do not have a binding reason for what you want to be, you can easily be derailed from your chosen path. Find a passion to live for, something you cannot easily find peace if you were to let go. That could be the legacy you want to live behind for your family, changing the lives of poor children or, creating an environment full of love, care, and mercy around you, to mention just a few.

 

4.  Have principles and boundaries – Principles and boundaries must become a part of who we are in order for them to keep us focused and clear on how much compromise we can do. The goal here is to ensure that we are not lured into anything that is against purpose or goals. It is mainly about understanding what is good for you and your plans and staying on the path that leads to achieving your goals.

 

5.  Surround yourself with realistic people who understand your journey – the last group of people or individuals you want to give your attention if you are trying to live an intentional life are people who live a fast life or those who will make you think that your dreams are invalid. You need people who will always remind you that what you started is doable, people who will pick you up when you fall and encourage you when you lose strength. Have friends who will be willing to support you through it all.

 

6.  Do not compete with others – understand that speed is not what matters in the life race. The seemingly slow speed can get you to your goals fast enough, while a fast pace and shortcuts may take you back to the starting point. Be yourself, take your time, and run your own race. Competitions will make you feel that your dreams have taken forever or cause you to doubt if you made the right choices. 

 

7.  Accept a life of challenges and be persistent – the more you understand that life will always have its high and lows, the better you will be prepared to face them. All you need to do is make it a point that you always bounce back or rise above your storm. Yes, you can take advantage of some challenges you face. Keep your eyes open and look for opportunities.

Intentional Actions

Your life can turn out the way you want it to but only if you control your actions, watch your behaviors, and refuse to just drift along. Living with intention means taking deliberate steps toward reaching your desired goal and doing what needs to be done to begin living your dream life. Intentional actions give you control over your life and prevent you from living aimlessly or going wherever life takes you. 

 

For example, if your goal is to sing with your favorite orchestra, you take charge, enroll for music lessons, commit to your vocal training and take your lectures seriously instead of relying on fate to get you there. You do what needs to be done and act intentionally.

Taking deliberate actions is the only thing that can turn your life around and lead you to your destiny. There is a reason why academics are disciplined enough to graduate in their studies and keep advancing in their fields of expertise. They wake up each morning, study, go for lectures, work on assignments, complete projects, go to the library, and do everything required for them to graduate because they know that it is the only way of obtaining that Degree or Ph.D. they are aiming for. They continue with that routine for years and are disciplined enough to keep going because they recognize the power of living with intention in achieving your goals. 

 

Living intentionally means recognizing that turning your dreams into reality has nothing to do with your emotions or moods and so, you do what needs to be done even when you don’t feel like it. It means you plan your day right and say yes to taking the required actions toward your goal daily without cringing. 

 

Best Ways Of Ensuring You Take Intentional Actions Every Day

 

Keep your goal constantly in sight.

 

You can begin reaching your goals by taking intentional actions daily which is something that can only be achieved by keeping your goal in sight and reminding yourself of what you intend to accomplish in the long run. So, when you are confused about which route to take, start thinking “Is this step going to help me in my pursuit of ABC?” If yes, go ahead with it. If not, let it go and find something that will get you a step closer to your aim.

 

Plan your steps.

 

Drifting along, waiting to see how things will turn out, and waiting on life to take you wherever it sees fit is an example of a wasteful life. Therefore, have the upper hand and influence how your life turns out. The choice of living an intentional life that is governed by intentional actions is a smart choice that is crucial to your success because an intentional life gives you more control over your life and reminds you that you have what it takes to achieve your goals. 

 

Intentional actions include planning and analyzing every step you take. It means deciding whether or not what you are about to do is going to take you a step closer to your goal or further away from it. 

 

Form relations with the right people. 

 

Initiating contact with the right people, seeking advice from them, as well as forming relations with people who have already accomplished what you desire is a smart way of living with intention. Look for individuals who have already walked the road you are traveling and have succeeded. Learn from them, find out how they got to where they are, ask the right questions, and implement what works for you. 

 

Forming good relations with people you admire helps you make smart decisions particularly when you don’t know which route to take and assists you in moving forward.

Stay focused. 

The best way of taking intentional actions daily is by eliminating distractions and remaining focused on your tasks. You know your long-term goal, you have a solid plan in place, you have outlined all the necessary steps to take, and you have broken down those steps into daily to-dos that will have a huge impact on your end-goal. Distractions are the only thing stopping you from fulfilling your dream. That’s why minimizing interruptions or getting rid of them matters. 

Focus on getting things done and meeting your daily, weekly, as well as monthly goals. Learn to say NO to things that have the potential of hindering your progress and never allow good opportunities pass you by. 

 

Intentional actions may not always get you what you want and don’t ensure you get to do things your way but they certainly move you from where you are and get you steps closer to accomplishing your goal. So, be patient with yourself, expect to travel unexpected roads but realize that those roads will lead you to your destiny. 

 

Live A Life That Is In Alignment With Your Values

Values are principles or standards of behavior. They determine what is of interest to us, our attitudes, preferences, needs, opinions, and personalities. They help us make decisions that are right for us and choose what to prioritize. Living a life of value is becoming increasingly difficult in a world where most people are chasing after popularity, protecting their spaces, and 'freedom'. The things we do and say sometimes are unbelievable such that you wonder how people manage to sleep at night knowing how they treat others or portray themselves in our social spaces. If it gives them satisfaction and peace, good for them. It is refreshing, however, to know that some people still have values.

 

Living a life that is in alignment with your values simply means that in our daily lives we marry our plans or activities with our values. We are not to adjust our values based on what we want to do at a particular point in time. Rather, our daily life should fit into the requirements of our values. Values must only be changed if the adjustments are an improvement. This is why you should live a life that is in alignment with your values;

 

1.  Values pave a clear path for us to fulfill our purpose – as mentioned previously, values are principles or standards of behavior. Boundaries and limits are set to ensure that we do not get derailed. Therefore, values help us determine what we can or cannot do as we walk our life journey and try to maintain who we need to be as per our purpose. As we remain on this path, we are guaranteed that we will live out who we should be regardless of what we face along the way. In other words, aligning our daily activities with our values puts us in a better position to or improves our chances of achieving our goals.

 

2.  It helps us to determine what is important to us – this keeps us focused on things that matter and Guide decision making. For example, our values will determine what things to pay attention to from the conversations we engage in with friends. As a result, anything else that is against personal goals is not given room to influence us. This further determines the way we respond as we interact with others. The importance of what we do, see or hear should be dependent on how it draws us closer to what we want to be. Our choice of what jobs, family, and hobbies to have among other things, must be based on our values. 

 

3.  It helps us build better and functional relationships – having clear values and living according to them helps people understand us better and vice-versa. As we align our life with our values, we come to an understanding that we are who we are by choice and that others have the freedom to make their own choices and be who they want to be. Consequently, we appreciate diversity better because we understand that we are all running different races and will not finish at the same time. This minimizes misunderstandings and unrealistic expectations. Also, our intentions as we interact with others are guided by our principles which also compels us to know where to draw the line as far as discussions are concerned. This keeps us from saying things we shouldn’t say and from doing things we shouldn’t do.

 

4.  Staying true to ourselves and experiencing genuine happiness – when we do things that are aligned with who we really are, we are not under pressure to please others. We do not feel the need to try and fit in or make sacrifices for the sake of social status. We know what we are doing and why which gives us feelings of contentment. Living according to our values also keeps us from doing things that are likely to be regretted in the future. We find life more fulling when we know that all we are and all we have was acquired without the need to do anything that is out of character. We do not feel like we owe any human being for it and we do not live in fear of the possibility of any of our deals coming back to haunt us. 

 

5.  It helps us grow – we mentioned previously that our values set a clear path for us as we try to fulfill our purpose. This keeps us from taking any other route. This means that we face all the challenges that come our way without running away from any of them. As we do this, we gain more experience in dealing with challenges and take lessons that improve the way we do things, our planning included. Those who have faced challenges and did not look for an easy way out know that we come out of trying times wiser and stronger.

“If you don’t stick to your values when they are being tested, they’re not values, they’re hobbies.” Job Stewart

Make Choices Based On Clarity And Intention

In the popular film ‘Three idiots’, the lead actor Rancho who is an excellent engineering student is seen telling one of his friends, “You are an idiot, you love photography and yet here you are marrying engineering” he further explained that it was the reason why his friend wasn’t performing well in his studies. His heart was obviously into taking pictures of wild animals but his parents had pushed him into studying something different because they liked the prestige that came with having an engineer for a son. For each one of us, choices are presented every moment for the small as well as the grand things in our lives. 

 

As soon as you first open your eyes in the morning the choices are presented to you in their numbers. To wake up immediately or to laze around in your bed for a while, to head straight into the shower or to go for a jog or to give yourself a ‘much-needed break’. To declare the day slow and boring or to inject positive energy into it. The choices go on into the day, every moment is full of them. When to eat, what to eat and how to prepare it, these are all the alternatives you get as you go on with the day. To give thought to your looks or not to, to make an effort towards building good relationships by calling or visiting your folks. At the end of the day, you are the product of all these small options you took seriously or allowed yourself to lazily and unconsciously take. 

 

Knowing, therefore, that for as long as you live you will always be faced with the need to make selections, what is it that you ought to consider so that you may become better at it? 

1. Clarity about yourself 

I cannot stress this enough, “Man, know thyself”. Your character, your strength, and weakness should guide the choices you make so get busy finding them out and trying and testing them. All your life you may have been told that you are bad at something when in fact that is your best talent only needing some polishing. Stereotypes may have saturated your head until you ceased to bother trying out certain things. Take time to test them out, try everything your time allows you to so that at the end of the day you know yourself more than anyone else does. You will work extra hard if as an easily distracted person you choose to work from home in the same way that one who values family time may want to consider a job that grounds and keeps them closer to home. Are you an excessively smart person who loves nothing more than order in your environment? You may need to consider having a smaller family or investing in an effective organizing team or system. Award yourself the happiness you deserve by studying yourself and making decisions based on what works for you.

2. Your ultimate intentions

 

In the same college accounting class, there may be a student who wants to become the best accountant in town and get hired by the best firm while there is another who wants to fully grasp the accounting systems so that he starts a large accounting firm himself. These two will not study the same thing during their free time. The former ought to develop the qualities necessary for job security which include hard work, consistency, and constant skill development while the latter needs to add leadership skills among other things. Once you discover your life’s purpose, it is easier to make the little choices you are faced with throughout the day. You have a compass pointing in the direction you want to go therefore anything that feeds into it, you make time for while cutting everything else out.

3. Your intentions for those who follow you

You want your children to try different kinds of sports and find out what they are good at? Take them to a school that celebrates sport and has organized schedules for them. As a leader of a team, decide if you want them to have maximum focus and then design their workspace for such. Do you want a happy team that doesn’t need to worry about what to have for lunch? Put in place a good café, dining room, or catering services for them. If the goal is to have loyal employees, you must make them feel loved and appreciated in special ways so you may need to find out what makes them tick. Know their birthdays and other special events in their lives and celebrate with them.

 

Before purchasing a car, the average person wants to know the qualities of the particular model they want so that they make an informed decision. The same applies to the process of buying a house or any other big investment. If you applied the same principle to whatever thing you needed to acquire in your life you would save yourself from making grave mistakes.

 

Moving From Where You Are To Where You Need To Be

Almost everyone dreams of a better life or version of ourselves. We can see ourselves in houses we see in magazines and the television, we see ourselves having happy families, businesses, or good jobs. But, unfortunately for some people, these things will just remain what they are; dreams. Not all of us get to make our dreams come true even though we all have to potential and ability to. Why is that? It is because dreaming is easy. The challenge is with making the dreams a reality.

 

Moving from dreaming to living the dream requires so much from us. Sometimes we overthink it though. The world seems to believe that success only comes when we suffer and spend sleepless nights. Many success stories have that part. However, sometimes all we need to do is plan well, work smart, get enough rest, and stay healthy. We can follow these everyday steps to move from where we are to where we need to be: 

 

1.  Prioritize your mental health – you can have all the good plans in place but if you have mental health issues, your journey from where you are to where you need to be will be more than just a struggle. It is, therefore, necessary for you to wake up and remind yourself that you have and are all it takes to get where you need to be. This will require you to keep away from negative people or anything that makes you doubt your capabilities. 

 

2.  Be grateful for what you already have – gratitude is one way to keep us in a good mood and get motivation. Counting your blessings gives you the hope that you do stand a chance to get the things that you still dream of. Gratitude also shifts our focus from negative things which helps clear our minds and enables us to see things from a different point of view. 

 

3.  Remind yourself why you chose the path that you are walking – sometimes all you need to do to get yourself motivated is to remind yourself why you chose to be the person you are or want to be. Where you were starting to feel like giving up everything, this helps you find yourself back to your feet again. The thought of what you lose by allowing yourself to give up and be something else will not give you peace. You are then left with no choice but to soldier on.

 

4.  Revisit your set of principles and boundaries when you need to make a decision – when we keep our principles and boundaries in mind as we make decisions, we remind ourselves why other choices may never work for us.

 

5.  Do what you have to do – strategies do not implement themselves. Get up and work. Laziness is what fails most people. Good people with good plans included. Make it a point that you fight the spirit of laziness with all you have else your goals will be nothing but dreams.

 

6.  Get enough rest – one of the mistakes that we make is overworking. Learn the difference between working hard and overworking yourself. Yes, you can make more money and gain more experience when you overwork but you need to listen when your body starts screaming for help. Exhaustion can affect us mentally and physically. We might end up having to pay hospital bills with the hard-earned money instead of just enjoying it and investing in who we want to be. When we are well-rested we also function better. 

 

7.  Do not envy – there is so much that we see around us which appears like ‘good life’. Well, we will not bother to talk about whether it is real or not. The point is, real or not, it is not your race. Protect yourself from unnecessary heartache and feeling like a failure by staying in your lane.

 

8.  Trust the process and be easy on yourself – we do get moments where we feel as if our dreams are taking too long and we start doubting if they will ever come true. Be patient and remind yourself that you haven't failed yet. Life is not just about that one dream. We will always have things to work on. This includes character development and gaining work experience among other things. Find something to keep yourself occupied and growing as you wait for the 'bigger' part of your dream to start moving.

 

9.  Build or strengthen your connections – be it socially or in the workplace, we need people we can rely on when things are tough or we are discouraged. Make it a point to build and maintain good relationships who understand and believe in your dreams so that you can get the help you need when things get hard. Remember to not step on people on your way up. You might need them on your way down.

 

Own Your Life

So often people choose to settle for what’s safer and what’s more comfortable. They let life happen to them other than actually creating the life that they want for themselves. They paralyze themselves in safe places, living according to other people’s opinions and dreams. The safer choice is taking a traditional job in a billionaire’s company. That job which will take 40 years of your life, living paycheck after paycheck. You neither have enough money to take a vacation nor have free time to enjoy those few earnings you’ve made from the job. The comfortable choice is not having something to believe in. You waste time going after one doctrine after the other. You let your circumstances define you and simply life happens to you. This is called survival.

 

Living on the other hand focuses on the total opposite. When you’re living intentionally you have a set purpose to life. You own your life. You focus on doing things, on growing and achieving. While surviving centers around getting to the next day, living centers around the life and how to embrace life to the fullest. You’re aware of your health so you monitor what you eat, you exercise, and you go for regular medical checkups. You don’t let life happen to you as the survivor. You live life with a set of intent. Every financial choice you make is intentionally aligning towards gaining financial freedom or independence. You acknowledge what you’re passionate about and you take small consistent deliberate actions to fulfill your passion. This is owning your life. Actively participating in creating the life you want for yourself and the people in your life. That’s the power of intention.

 

The first step to owning your life is taking responsibility for the decisions you make and for your actions. We are the architects of our lives. Our lives are made up of a series of small and big choices that we make each day. When you don’t make the choice for yourself, it is made for you. The fundamentals of this journey are firstly finding your true identity. When you have understood your truth and sense of self, you then set your intent for your life. What you aspire to achieve. Your goals, dreams, or ambition. The last step is taking big or small purposeful steps towards fulfilling that purpose.

 

Everyone loves a good rag to the riches success story. One of my favorites is the life story of Oprah Winfrey. Oprah was born into poverty in rural Mississippi to a teenage single mother. She was raised on a farm by her grandmother for the first 6 years of her life. Her grandmother was so poor that Oprah often wore dresses made of potato sacks and other children made fun of her. She has stated that she was molested during her childhood and early teens and became pregnant at 14. Sadly, she lost her son and she was moved to Tennessee. Even at a very tender young age, she envisioned a much better life for herself. She got a job in radio at 16 whilst she was still in high school. At 19 she was hired on television as a co-anchor for the local evening news. She did not know how to write or act but deep inside she says she knew what she wanted to become, an actress. That was her truth.

 

When Oprah was 22 years old, she was making $22 000 a year. A lot of people were telling her that that was the best it could get. But even though she was doing well, she knew she could do better. In one of her many inspirational quotes, Oprah said,’ Everybody has a calling. And your real job in life is to figure out as soon as possible what that is, who you were meant to be, and to begin to honor that in the best way possible for yourself’’. This is exactly what she went on to do, honoring her truth. When the opportunities were presented to her, she was ready and prepared to pursue her inner calling. Today we talk of Oprah Winfrey dubbed the queen of all media. She not only became an actress but also a talk show host, television producer, media executive, and philanthropist.

 

Your success is a result of owning your life. You should not allow your background or any sorts of limitations to stop you from following your truth, purpose, and intention. Refuse to be defined by the box that people put around you and fight any fear that may come your way. And finally, be prepared when the opportunity door is opened.