5 Places to Find Friends as an Adult

When did everything get so hard? 

 

Somewhere along the way, we grew up. Life started getting bogged down with responsibilities and plans for the future. While much of this is exciting, what happens all too often as we start laying aside our childhood, is we unintentionally put aside our innate ability to make friends easily.

 

Don’t believe me? Think back to when a trip to the playground ended in a ‘new best friend’ after about 20 minutes of sharing the swings with a stranger. Now ask yourself, when is the last time you connected that quickly with someone new?

 

The problem is, adult friendships are crucial, not just to our mental well-being, but to our physical health as well. It’s been proven that having friends leads to less stress, less chance of heart disease, and longer life.

 

But where do we find these new friends? 

 

Try an App

 

Hey!VINA works much like a dating app, but with one very significant difference. Here the goal is to find someone with like interests you may want to befriend. A quick swipe of your finger starts a conversation, leading to a connection and eventually, friendship.

 

Try a Meetup

 

Looking for some fun group activities in your area? Meetup.com is easy to use on your computer, tablet, or phone. Here you search for events of interest to you. You’re then presented with a variety of groups who like to engage in those activities, giving yourself a chance to meet several interesting people at once.

 

Learn Something

 

Signing up for a class allows you to indulge in a new interest at the same time as meeting someone new. Always wanted to cook gourmet dinners? Been thinking about taking flying lessons? Whatever interests you, this is a surefire way to meet new people.

 

Grab a Book

 

Your local library or independent bookstore is a great place to indulge a love of reading while at the same time, getting to know someone new. Book clubs stimulate you intellectually and introduce you to people in the community who share a love for the written word.

 

Take a Walk with a Furry Friend

 

If you have a dog, why not explore more than your own backyard? By taking Fido to your local dog park, you’ll have an opportunity to meet other dog lovers, while at the same time, giving your faithful friend a chance for a little puppy socialization. This is a win all around!

 

Meeting people doesn’t have to be complicated. Opportunities truly are everywhere. So be bold and try something new. You’ll be glad you did!

 

5 Reasons Why Adult Friendships are so Important

Why is it we never put enough emphasis on the important things in life? Are we really that busy?

 

Sadly, we tell ourselves precisely that. In fact, studies have shown we’re not taking the time for friends like we used to. According to a survey taken in the 1980s, the average adult had a minimum of three friends they were close to. Thirty years later, the same study came out with some chilling news. As many as one in four people claim to have no friends at all.

 

Why is it we don’t enjoy adult friendships? Could it be we’ve somehow gotten the idea they’re really not necessary? This is absolutely not the case. In fact, below, you will find five reasons why adult friends are crucial to your life and your good health. 

 

Friends Give Necessary Support

 

We’re not meant to go it alone. We need friends to act as everything from cheerleaders to a shoulder to cry on. 

 

Friends Teach Us How to Act

 

How do we conduct ourselves? If you’re socially awkward, it might be because no one taught you specific social skills critical to success. Friends are where we learn those skills. It’s with friends that we practice, finding out both what’s acceptable and what’s not. What’s more, friends help us get out of the ruts we fall into and challenge us to try social situations we might not otherwise consider.

 

Friends Give Us a Reality Check

 

Who else but a friend is going to tell you when you’re lying to yourself or wandering down the wrong path entirely? This kind of tough love is what keeps us from disaster and guides us away from the pitfalls of life.

 

Couple Friendships Guide Our Own Relationships

 

Not everyone was blessed with parents who modeled good relationship skills. Having “couple friends” is where we form our impressions of how couples in romantic relationships interact. It’s from these relationships we learn how to balance things like work and romance and how to handle the parenting component. Being able to talk to other couples about challenges unique to this kind of relationship also gives a much-needed place to learn.

 

Friendships are Good for Your Health

 

Studies have shown people who sustain healthy friendships live longer and enjoy a better quality of life. People who regularly spend time with friends are shown to adopt healthier lifestyles, experience fewer physical ailments such as heart disease, and have fewer issues with dementia as they age.

 

In short, adult friendships are an important part of your life and worth exploring. Now is not the time to hold back. Get out there, meet people, and discover all that life has to offer. Making time for friendships should be a priority for all adults.

 

6 Tips for Making Friends as an Adult

Who are your friends?

 

A recent survey has determined you might not have a lot of close relationships in your life. In fact, the number of people who claim to have more than three solid friendships in their lives is only 37% or one-third of the population. Even more discouraging is the idea that fully 27% of adults say they have no close relationships at all.

 

Making friends as an adult is a daunting idea. For one thing, we’re swamped. We get caught up on our personal responsibilities and business goals that frequently we don’t make time for a social life outside of loose connections with our children’s friends’ parents and professional networking. Who has the time?

 

Thankfully, you do. It actually takes less time than you think to discover the joy of adult friendships. You can start with these simple tips:

 

Start with the Old

 

Why reinvent the wheel? Instead, ask yourself who your friends used to be. Is it possible you can rekindle some old friendships? In this era of social media, tracking down your best friend from high school is easier than ever. Why not shoot someone a quick message or text to open up the conversation all over again?

 

Become a Listener

 

When in groups of new people, rather than working hard to be the life of the party, why not take a step back? Making a point to actively listen to people makes you more attractive to those around you (everyone loves a listener) and puts you in the position of discovering the things which intrigue you most about the others. It’s a simple way to learn about shared interests, so you can strike up a friendship.

 

Take it to the Next Level

 

Have acquaintances but aren’t quite ready to call them friends yet? Try opening up a little. Being vulnerable forges intimacy with others and deepens the friendship, taking it to the next level. 

 

Stay in Touch

 

Worried about how to hang onto the friends you have? If you want to keep people from falling off the radar and becoming distant, make a point to check in with them once in a while. Send a text, make a call, set up a chance to get together. By checking in, you’re telling the other person they’re important to you and worth your time. A general rule of thumb? Connect about every two weeks.

 

Make a Group

 

Even better? Start putting your friends together in one place by creating a group of friends. There’s nothing more fun than hanging out in a gathering of people who enjoy each other’s company. Start simple, with a lunch date or drinks after work.

5 Tips for Having Difficult Conversations with your Partner

You love your partner, but sooner or later, a tough conversation needs to happen. While this is normal, (after all, what relationship doesn’t have its bumps along the way) how you handle those conversations will determine whether you come away from this particular conflict with a stronger appreciation for each other. This is why it’s so important to handle difficult conversations well. 

 

How do you ensure you engage in the best conversation possible in these circumstances?

 

Start with Not Putting Off the Talk Longer than Necessary

 

Take time to count to ten or to take a few deep breaths before beginning. After all, starting with too much emotion will be more damaging than helpful. Once you’re cooled down though, it’s time to talk. Why is it better sooner rather than later? By putting things off, you tend to build up resentment and inflate the conflict. It’s important to address situations before they get out of hand. A small problem today is much easier to solve than a giant one several weeks from now.

 

Drop the Good News / Bad News Approach

 

No one likes waiting for the other shoe to drop, so instead of giving the compliment with a ‘but’ lurking to negate everything you’ve just said, just come out and say the bad news first. If you’re determined to add in the compliment, do so after the bad stuff is out of the way, so you leave the person on a more positive note.

 

Plan Your Conversation

 

Rather than blindside your partner with an uncomfortable discussion, let them know you have something you want to talk about. Make it clear you’re wanting to discuss something that affects your feelings, rather than starting out in an attack. There’s a vast difference between, “I’d like to talk to you sometime about your drinking” vs. “I’d like to talk to you about how I feel when I see you drinking so heavily.” 

 

What Are Your Goals?

 

In any heavy conversation, you need to agree at some point on common goals. Working toward the same thing will help you find your way through the conversation to that eventual place.

 

Keep a Positive Spirit

 

Aim for optimism. Even if the conversation isn’t going how you would like it to, finding something to hope for will soften the outcome no matter what. 

 

Difficult conversations are just that: Difficult. But having a plan in place will help you to get through them. Use these steps to build the framework of your conversation, and even if the outcome is bad, getting there won’t be as difficult as you think. 

 

Top Tips for Resolving Conflicts in Your Relationships

No matter how much you like the other person, at some point, conflict is likely to happen. While most conflicts are fairly small (like trying to decide where to go out for dinner), left untended a conflict can fester and grow. That’s why it’s so important to resolve conflicts in your relationships before they have a chance to take on a life of their own.

 

How do you go about doing that?

 

1. Start by listening. But don’t just listen to the spoken words, but the feelings behind them. It’s the emotions that drive the conversation after all! By listening actively, meaning pausing to ask questions, clarify, and to reiterate what you think the other person is saying, you tell the other person that what they have to say matters. But more importantly, you’re letting them know that they’re being heard.

 

2. Look for the resolution over being right. Giving up the notion that you have to ‘win’ is where you start seeing the solutions. Conflict is not a competition.

 

3. Stay in the moment. Instead of focusing on what happened that brought you into this conflict, pay attention to what’s going on right now. Now isn’t the time for blame. Rather look for solutions.

 

4. Decide what’s important right now. That is called ‘picking your battles’ and is important in determining whether a thing is worth fighting over. Ask yourself if this is just an issue over a minor annoyance that will be easily forgotten, or if you have something deeper going on that maybe needs to be addressed.

 

5. Know how and when to disengage. That means being able to do what it takes to walk away. It might be forgiveness is in order. It might be that you’re just going to need to agree to disagree. Worst case scenario? It might be time just to let the matter go entirely. Whatever the case, there’s nothing to be gained by staying in the conflict. 

 

Resolving conflicts isn’t a hard skill to learn. By following these tips, you will discover how better to deal with conflict in every kind of relationship – whether business or personal. So, take heart – a misunderstanding doesn’t have to mean the end of the world. Instead look at your conflict as a step toward better understanding that will, in turn, lead to better relationships in the long run.

 

5 Tips for Better, Healthier Boundaries

We all have boundaries. Maybe you don’t feel like you do, because of many times past when people have overrun you. Somewhere around the umpteenth time of being taken advantage of, of being ignored about your own needs, and treated as though your time is not valuable, you start to believe that you’ve lost whatever boundaries you had.

 

The good news is, you can re-create your boundaries, and make them stronger and healthier than ever before. How? Read on for a quick list of five tips to jumpstart your life and put it on track for a happier you.

 

1. Permit yourself to start over. While this step seems obvious, there are quite a few reasons for it. First, by telling yourself it’s ok to set boundaries, you’re declaring that you’re important enough even to have them. But also, in acknowledging that it’s ok to start over, you’re not getting hung up on the past. That is you, taking control. Embrace it!

 

2. Pay attention. Here’s where you start getting into the details of who you are and who you want to be. How have people taken advantage of you in the past? Where have you wished there were boundaries? What do you need to do to establish them now? Be mindful of your feelings. Look for the disappointment and anger. What has set those off? Chances are those are places where the boundaries need the most work. You’ll find that self-awareness is key to your success so don’t be afraid to dig into your emotions.

 

3. Where have you been? And where are you now? Chances are a lot of what you feel about boundaries came from your wiring as a child. If no one respected your space growing up, it’s hard to ask people to respect it now. Examine the boundaries of your childhood and compare them to the boundaries of today. What’s lacking? What needs work? It might be that some of the things you find make boundary setting particularly difficult in some situations. Don’t be afraid to ask for help either with a counselor or therapist to work through some of that old baggage.

 

4. Take care of yourself. When you’re not feeling well, it’s nearly impossible to be firm in your boundaries. Being strong and healthy gives you the energy needed to put your foot down when you need to. With that in mind, taking care of yourself not only makes sense, but it is also necessary for future success. Remember the basics: Eat healthy, exercise, and get enough sleep every night.

 

5. Speak up. There’s going to be pushback when you set boundaries. Having healthy boundaries means that you put the work in to maintain them. That means saying ‘no’ when you need to. By being assertive you not only protect those boundaries, but you also tell the world that you have something to say. Need help? Enlist a support team who can cheer you on when you’re flagging – and who aren’t afraid to point out when you’re starting to slip. Sometimes we all need some tough love, especially when we’re pushing for better, healthier boundaries.

 

By following these steps, you’re not only drawing a line in the sand; you’re taking control of your life. Healthy boundaries are meant to protect you so that you have room to grow and become the person you always knew you could be. But first, you have to begin. So, why are you waiting? Aren’t you ready for that new improved you?

 

Healing Heart Moving Forward 4 (Infographic)

Healing Heart Moving Forward 3 (Infographic)

Healing Heart Moving Forward 2 (Infographic)

Healing Heart Moving Forward 1 (Infographic)

5 Tips for Having Difficult Conversations with your Partner

You love your partner, but sooner or later, a tough conversation needs to happen. While this is normal, (after all, what relationship doesn’t have its bumps along the way) how you handle those conversations will determine whether you come away from this particular conflict with a stronger appreciation for each other. This is why it’s so important to handle difficult conversations well. 

 

How do you ensure you engage in the best conversation possible in these circumstances?

 

Start with Not Putting Off the Talk Longer than Necessary

 

Take time to count to ten or to take a few deep breaths before beginning. After all, starting with too much emotion will be more damaging than helpful. Once you’re cooled down though, it’s time to talk. Why is it better sooner rather than later? By putting things off, you tend to build up resentment and inflate the conflict. It’s important to address situations before they get out of hand. A small problem today is much easier to solve than a giant one several weeks from now.

 

Drop the Good News / Bad News Approach

 

No one likes waiting for the other shoe to drop, so instead of giving the compliment with a ‘but’ lurking to negate everything you’ve just said, just come out and say the bad news first. If you’re determined to add in the compliment, do so after the bad stuff is out of the way, so you leave the person on a more positive note.

 

Plan Your Conversation

 

Rather than blindside your partner with an uncomfortable discussion, let them know you have something you want to talk about. Make it clear you’re wanting to discuss something that affects your feelings, rather than starting out in an attack. There’s a vast difference between, “I’d like to talk to you sometime about your drinking” vs. “I’d like to talk to you about how I feel when I see you drinking so heavily.” 

 

What Are Your Goals?

 

In any heavy conversation, you need to agree at some point on common goals. Working toward the same thing will help you find your way through the conversation to that eventual place.

 

Keep a Positive Spirit

 

Aim for optimism. Even if the conversation isn’t going how you would like it to, finding something to hope for will soften the outcome no matter what. 

 

Difficult conversations are just that: Difficult. But having a plan in place will help you to get through them. Use these steps to build the framework of your conversation, and even if the outcome is bad, getting there won’t be as difficult as you think. 

 

Your Relationships May Suck Because You Lack This Powerful Personal Trait

Do you have a tough time in your relationships? Does it seem like regardless of how awesome things start out, they eventually end up in the same place?

 

Now, please understand that I'm not talking about your romantic relationship breaking up. It's not that bad. Your relationship is still intact. But it's not as full or as rich as you would've hoped. You have to understand that real relationships are mutually rewarding.

 

In other words, they challenge you to become a better person. You're not really looking to benefit the other person, per se. You're looking to become a better person because of the relationship. It helps you mature. It helps you commit. It helps you dedicate your life, your emotions and your resources to something bigger and better than you.

 

A lot of people don't understand this about relationships. But the ultimate truth about this type of interpersonal arrangement is the fact that you have to lie to yourself for the relationship to flourish. In other words, the relationship is not about you. 

 

It's not about what you want. It's not about what you need. It's not about what makes you happy. It's not about the things that put a smile of your face. It's not about you. Instead, it's about your ability to commit to something bigger than you over a long period of time.

 

This commitment is easy to understand when things are going well. When you love your partner and she loves you back, it's very easy to see why people stay in the relationship. It is mutually rewarding. 

 

But what if the love doesn't come back? What if, try as hard as you might, there's no mutuality there? Does that mean that the relationship has to go 6 feet under? Does that mean that you have to head for the door and call it quits?

 

Well, this is the choice you have. And unfortunately, if you don't have the powerful personal trait of self-discipline, it's very easy for your relationships to die at some level or other. As I've said early on in this blog post, even if your relationship is still intact, it may still suck. 

 

Why? It's not very fulfilling. In fact, if you're completely honest about it, the relationship has, for lack of a better word, died a long time ago. You're just going through the motions.

 

Maybe you're afraid of having to go through the long process of meeting somebody new. Maybe you don't like rejection. Maybe there's just so many things out there that you're afraid of because you don't know what could go wrong so you stay in the relationship.

 

But for all intents and purposes, it's dead. Your relationship sucks. Why? You lack self-discipline. If you want your relationship to flourish, be self-disciplined. It's that simple! 

 

This means you have to pay attention to the needs of the other person. This means that you have to put the relationship ahead of your needs. This means that you have to give everything that you have, regardless of how you feel, regardless of what other people are saying, so the relationship can flourish.

 

It's all about sacrifice. In other words, it's all about becoming an emotional adult. The problem is the more you think you're entitled to the relationship serving you or giving you something that you don't have, that's going to be a problem.

 

The longer you think that the other person has to somehow, someway, complete you instead of you maturing and stepping up, that's going to be a problem. The solution to this is self-discipline.

 

It takes self-discipline to put somebody else's needs first. It takes self-discipline to continue being patient with somebody as they get their emotional and mental act together. Make no mistake about it. In any relationship, there's either an adult, a child or 2 children or 2 adults. You know what the right answer is.

 

You have to both be adults and this requires discipline. If you need more self-discipline in your life, the other articles in this blog will show you how.

This Is The Secret Ingredient Of Truly Rewarding Relationships

What is a rewarding relationship? If you're reading this, you probably already know what a relationship is. It's an arrangement between 2 people. Maybe they share a certain level of intimacy. Maybe they share certain resources. Maybe they even live together.

 

But at the end of the day, our relationships apply across the board. You're in a relationship with your boss whether you like it or not. You're in a relationship with your friends. That much is obvious. Obviously, you're in a relationship with your relatives.

 

But the problem is just because you're in a relationship doesn't necessarily mean that they are mutually rewarding. In fact, most relationships involve parasitical arrangements. I know that's harsh. I know that at some level or other, it's politically incorrect. But it's also true.

 

Have you ever had a friend who would call you only when she's depressed? She would call you because she has all these problems and she's basically just going on and on about how everybody's unfair and how this person broke her heart and now she's crying and suffering deep down inside.

 

So, you try to be as supportive as you can and you just listen or you give advice. But at the end of the conversation, she feels so much better but at the same time, you feel heavy. It's as if you got hollowed out by this person's complaint and general negativity.

 

Well, that is forgivable if it happens every once in a blue moon. But if it happens all the time, that is a parasitical relationship. Guess what? You're not the parasite. Your friend is. She is benefiting from you. You, on the other hand, are getting emotionally hollowed out. You feel really heavy and at the end of the day, you feel numb.

 

It's as if all your emotional energy just got sucked out. This also applies to romantic relationships. Please understand that there are a lot of broken people out there. Unfortunately, a lot of them don't know they're broken.

 

So, they unload all their insecurities and hang ups on the people who love them. And since you love this person, the relationship becomes some sort of emotional black hole. Every time this person opens her mouth, it's as if all the problems in the world is placed right square on your shoulder and guess what? It's not exactly light.

 

So, what happens? You start looking at your relationship in terms of compartments. You like the sex. You like the intimacy. But you could do without the drama. So, what do you do? You keep her emotionally at arm’s length. You're not really there. You're not present.

 

When she opens her mouth to share her deepest feelings and her most agonizing insecurities, you check out. Now, this is the problem, it doesn't mature you as a person nor does it help her. And unfortunately, your relationship is stuck in neutral.

 

This doesn't necessarily mean it's going to break down. This doesn't necessarily mean that there's a high chance that somebody's going to head out for the door. Instead, I'm talking about something worse.

 

You can stay in a relationship. But essentially, it is not very rewarding. You can stay in that for 30 years. You can stay in it until you die. And the worst part to all of this is that you cheated yourself because that relationship could've been mutually enriching.

 

It could've been a gateway for both of you maturing as adults and going past your comfort zones so you can live up to your fullest emotional and mental potential. But unfortunately, because you lack self-discipline, you just look at your relationship as this necessary evil that you just have to endure because there's something in it for you.

 

Maybe it's the sex. Maybe it's the intimacy. Maybe it's her money. Whatever the case may be, it is an unhealthy arrangement. If you're sick and tired of unhealthy arrangements and relationships that are not all that healthy for you on an emotional, mental or spiritual level, click here.

 

You will get a practical everyday guide on how to become a more self-disciplined person. It doesn't matter how busy you are. It doesn't matter what kind of past drama you have suffered. It doesn't matter what kind of crappy relationship you're in.

 

This framework will help you get the self-discipline you need so you can be that kind, loving, compassionate and effective partner that you are capable of becoming.

How to Change Your Mindset and Pickup Anyone From a Bar

Changing your mindset can help you to accomplish all kinds of things in life. It can help you to be happier with what you have right now, it can help you to go after the right goals and ambitions and it can help you to be more successful in your career.

 

But it can also change your love life and help you to be more effective in going after what you want. Read on and we’ll see how a simple mindset shift changes everything in this sense.

 

Frozen by Fear

 

If you’re just like most people, then chances are that you’ll feel a fair amount of fear when thinking about approaching members of the opposite sex in a bar. You’ll find yourself thinking that you might get turned down and humiliated or that it will damage your self-esteem.

 

The first trick to fixing this problem is to acknowledge it. Simply understanding that it’s fear that’s holding you back (or ruining your chances) and knowing the nature of that fear will give you the chance to undo it.

 

In this case, we’re going to undo it by removing the risk.

 

How to Mitigate Risk in a Dating Scenario

 

Now you know what you’re afraid of, you can simply change your strategy to mitigate the risk and to put yourself in with a better chance of success.

 

In this case, that means removing the opportunity for them to turn you down or greatly reducing the chances. And the simple way to do that, is to look at what it is to find out if they’re interested before you have to approach them!

 

How can you do this? By testing the waters from a distance before approaching. You do this by looking around the bar and making eye contact. When you see someone you like the looks of, smile and hold their gaze. If they look away or don’t look pleased, then you can probably presume it’s a ‘no’.

 

But if they smile back and look happy, then you can make the assumption that they’re at least somewhat interested – at least somewhat open to the prospect of you approaching them at the very least.

 

Now approach their group with your group and speak to the whole group. Once you’ve seen how that’s gone, try asking if they’d like a drink when you go to the bar.

 

You can take this further but essentially, you’re edging forward without ever making any moves that can lead to rejection – removing the fear and changing your mindset in the process!

 

Self-Sufficiency Improves The Quality Of Your Relationships

There are many ways in which one can explain self-sufficiency, but my favorite definition has to be one I came across in an article on Psychology Today. Steve Taylor wrote that self-sufficiency is the quality of feeling secure and content with oneself, a deep-rooted sense of inner completeness and stability. When you are self-sufficient, you are cognizant that you are enough. In all the situations you approach from a perspective of self-sufficiency, you are aware of your value as a person. To be honest, when one is self-aware, the quality of their relationships improves because you know what you deserve. If you view yourself as a decent human being who is worthy of self-love and respect, you will not accept being mistreated by people. Let's look at some of how self-sufficiency can improve the quality of your relationship. 

 

You can set boundaries.

 

This is a sore subject for many of us because we do not want to lose our loved ones. When you are self-sufficient, setting boundaries becomes easy for you because you know what you bring to the table. Keeping in mind your value and all the work you have put in to become the person you are will inform your decisions about how you want to be treated. You will then surround yourself with people that understand who you are and are in your life because they respect the boundaries that you would have set. 

 

We have all heard repeatedly that you teach people how to treat you, and the boundaries you set for loved ones will teach them how to treat you. If you are a person who has no respect for yourself and you keep people in your life out of desperation, you will find yourself surrounded by people who do not value you. As Iyanla says, "Draw a line in the sand, if the line is crossed there must be a consequence." What this means is that you should set clear boundaries, and people should respect you enough to appreciate the boundaries you set. As a self-sufficient individual, it will be easy for you to remove yourself from situations where people do not respect your boundaries. 

 

You can choose the people you want around you.

 

There is nothing more powerful than a person who respects themselves enough to not be the one that is consistently chosen as a friend. Self-sufficiency will allow you to be decisive about the people you want to have in your life. You will keep people in your life because you want them in it, not because you need them. Many people have stayed in abusive relationships because they were dependent and could not leave. Being self-sufficient, whether it is financially or emotionally, could save you from very unpleasant situations. This is one of the reasons why we are all encouraged to go on the journey of self-discovery because there is nothing more addictive than another human being. Knowing that you can provide for yourself and pick yourself up when you need to will empower you as an individual. That power will help you choose like-minded people, and your connections will not be based on co-dependency. 

 

You can be more assertive.

 

Standing up for yourself is a superpower, but unfortunately, we are not all born with that superpower. If you are in a relationship with someone who is strong-willed and has a strong personality, you will need to be assertive. For your needs to be met, you need to articulate what you need from your partner. Being the partner that is always compromising will leave you drained and feeling unappreciated. When you are a self-sufficient person, you can be assertive and make it a point that your feelings are considered in the relationship because you matter. The relationship can then become a safe space because you show up as your most authentic self and in honesty. Your partner will also appreciate the honesty as it will not cause resentment in the future.

 

The takeaway

 

Navigating through life and relationships can be a challenge. There is a constant need to ensure that when people like us, we do not disappoint them or scare them off by being self-sufficient. We often mistake co-dependency for the foundation on which relationships should be built. We then have relationships where we are enmeshed, and there are no clear boundaries. This does not help our relationships as there is no code of conduct and people end up taking each other for granted. To enjoy any relationship, you need to maintain your individuality because that is what makes you unique. To enjoy a relationship of high quality, you should, as the saying goes, fill your cup and give what is running over. Practicing self-love will allow you to respect yourself enough to value relationships because of what you bring to the table, not what you are constantly receiving.