The Invisible Sadness Pool

Merely hearing the word sadness, can already make your feel sad. Well, the truth is, nobody passes by in this world without ever feeling sad. It is a fact of life, amongst other natural emotions and it is one of the most common end results of a heart break. If not dealt right away, it could lead to more complicated situations like depression, stress, etc. 

 

Though, being heartbroken is a circumstance you cannot control, how you react and how you handle your situation is something you can think through. This is where the invisible sadness pool comes to the picture. If you choose to drown yourself to your own sadness pool, then even if people around you try to give their helping hand, nothing can be done. 

 

Another important thing to consider is that, your sadness pool may be invisible to others. People might see you just fine or even happy, while you are actually feeling so low in the inside. You see, it is only you who can swim in that invisible pool. But then again, the choice is always yours. 

 

Heartbreaks can indeed, break you. it is one of the consequences of falling in love. This can be experienced not only because of a person, though. Heartbreaks can also be because of your passion, business, children, a long- time friend, family, etc. But of course, those that are romantic in origin almost always gets the spotlight. Romantic love is known for being the most bittersweet amongst all the other factors in the makings of sadness pools. 

 

This is not telling you not to fall in love. Think of it more of a reminder on the importance of knowing how to enjoy the fall and being on guard at the same time. Have all these confused you? 

Why Do Beautiful Things Fall Apart?

When you start asking yourself questions like the title of this article, try looking for answers that are both objective and positive. Beautiful things, like a happy romantic relationship do fall apart. That is one fact that can’t be ignored. But why do breakups happen? How does one understand a breakup? Here are some points to ponder on: 

 

·    People grow, people change – like what scientists say, change is the only thing constant in this world. So, there will come a time when it will seem to you that the person you fell in love with is no longer the same. Though, the ‘change’ may not necessarily mean there is also a change of heart, accepting the ‘new person’ in front of you could be overwhelming. 

·    Falling out of love is possible – before you start calling your “ex” a liar, understand that the full-of-love-and-butterflies-in-the-stomach phase at the beginning of any relationship has an expiration date. 

·    Relationships, like an organic thing, have its own growth process – this is, one of the main and hurtful truths that is bitter to swallow. do you remember yourself asking “We used to…but now…why?” If you try to look at this question objectively, you will understand that this is actually geared towards the positive. How so? Can you imagine a relationship that is stagnant from start to present/finish? You see, personal development is also something that is affected by your relationships. And if your current romantic relationship doesn’t make you a better person, then breakup is inevitable. 

 

If you would want a deeper take on the topic of this article, then eBooks in your smartphone are perfect for you. You can, not only read it at your own time and space (even while commuting to work or while in the toilet) it also comes handy-dandy as you will only be needing your phone, which actually, is already in your pocket. 

 

What to Do When You’re Vulnerable like a Marshmallow

Have you ever wondered why most love songs that top the charts are about heartbreaks? Not just that, movies about love and heartbreaks also becomes blockbuster hits and gain bucketful of tears at the same time. The truth is, heartbreaks can make, even the toughest person, a marshmallow – soft and vulnerable. This is why watching sad movies, listening to sad love songs, eating tubsful of vanilla ice cream and hitting the gym on wee hours feel so comforting. The previous activities relate the most regarding how mushy you feel inside. But, are there other activities that can make you come out of your marshmallow-like feeling? Surprisingly, here is the list: 

 

·    Make sure you have a support system – Depression is real. It is not simply one of the most-searched word in Google. It is experienced by real people and it is a difficult situation to be in. So, before things go out of hand, eat that tub of ice cream and set your goals. You cannot just stay on the couch. Reach out and let others reach out to you. 

·    This too shall pass - Just like all other experiences/hardships/achievements you’ve been through, a heartbreak will have its tipping point, and end. But, you need to help yourself in the process. 

·    It is okay to cry and acknowledge that you are hurting - Pretending you are okay when you are not will take you nowhere. The first step towards healing is accepting the truth. Once you acknowledge what is happening to you, then you could think of what to do next. 

·    The fault is not entirely yours – It takes two to tango; it takes two people to be in a relationship. So, when relationships fail, it is only fair to assume that both involved played a part. Stop blaming yourself and stop drowning in bitterness. 

 

Finally, Moving-On Tips From Real People

Try searching for “Spells for moving on,” or “how to use spells to move on.” You might think it sounds crazy, but the results might overwhelm you. You will learn that thousands of people search for moving on tips and will read or try “spells.” What is this fact trying to say? It is not to affirm the power of spells nor laugh at it. Look at it as simply a manifestation of the difficulties one has to face when trying to move on, especially from romantic relationships. So, how does one surpass the challenge of being stuck in the difficult part of letting of a failed relationship?

 

Without the help of spells, which could possibly go wrong especially when you’re not into memorizing long chants, here are doable tip from people who’ve been there, done that: 

 

·    Allow yourself to grieve – Sadly, in this fast world we live in (fast food, email, smartphones, etc.) even grieving is expected to be fast paced. Though, some people are okay with this, there are some who need longer time to heal. if you feel not yet okay, then accept that you are not. Do not hurry results only to regret at the end. 

·    Give your emotions names - This is simply telling you to make an effort to understand how you really feel. Is it sadness, stress or anger? Identify it to be able to address it. 

·    Try to learn new interesting things – This is to subconsciously teach yourself that endings may turn to new beginnings, if you give it a try and believe that it is possible. Remember that French class you’ve been hesitating to enroll in? Now is the best time to give it a try and so it also is for biking, hiking, pole dancing, taekwondo, etc. 

 

Why Romantic Breakups Leave Such a Mess

Male, female or whatever gender you identify with, you are not exempted from the overwhelming experience of breakups. It is sad, stressful, painful and will make you need healing. The good news is that, many people come out from the experience stronger and ready to begin again. 

 

But, the question is, why does it (romantic breakups) hurt so much? Why does it leave a lot of burned bridges, bitter words and sometimes, regrettable and uncalled for actuations even from the calmest of introverts? 

 

Have you ever heard of the thing called “fantasy bond?” Well, according to studies, this is one of the main reasons for the “mess.” Fantasy bond is an imagined connection that people in romantic relationships develop. It is a false sense of security, feelings of the “other person” completed them, beliefs that one cannot live without the “other person” already, all of which are associated with heightened sensations that goes with falling in love. Imagine all of these inside your head and suddenly losing it all in the moment of a breakup. Breakups shatter fantasy bonds. It brings about a turmoil of negative emotions like self-doubt, insecurities and blame. 

 

Well, life is how we see it and happiness is indeed, a state of the mind. So, even if we say that breakups and heartaches are part of life that can leave us devastated, coming out from it strong and positive is a choice. 

 

May breakups teach you that endings are doors to beginnings. That is, if you can take happy memories from failed relationships and bury the bad with new memories. You are the captain of your ship, sail it to beautiful and colorful shores. 

 

If you want to read more affirmations, especially those who are still in the midst of healing their broken hearts, handy eBooks, which you can read anywhere and anytime are abundant in the market. It is always helpful to read something positive every day. 

How Come He Looks Fine?

Ever wondered why that “ex” of yours is sporting a wide smile days after your break-up? How about rumors that he’s been partying his night out with the boys? Do you smell something fishy? Yes, and you’re right. Something is surely brewing there. 

 

Don’t feel sad if you think that it is only you who’s having difficult nights. Men could sometimes be so good at hiding their real feelings. They could even make themselves look like they’re having a really nice time when in reality, they are also in tears! Well, if you are would want to know tell-tale signs that something is amiss, here they are: 

 

·    They may pretend to be the busiest during the peak of their “brokenness” – the tendency is to fill their hours with work so that when they come home, they will be so tired and there will no time to think of how hurt they are. So, if you see them finally accepting that long-postponed promotion, or devoting their day-offs to the gym, give yourself a wink, because it only means that they are as hurt as you are. 

·    You may not hear from him for a while - most often, this awkward silence hurts a lot of women. But, the truth is, men, when overwhelmed tend to process things slowly in their minds and that is simply why they shut up. This is actually to give themselves time to think. So, don’t expect to hear an explanation or openness to talk days after your break-up. 

·    They tend to “sleep” things out and that could include sleeping with others – this is one reality that is difficult to accept especially if “sleeping with others” is already is involved in your relationship issues. This can be explained by the “flight mode” they turn on when badly hurt emotionally.

 

How Come I See Her Around (Almost) All The Time?

It’s between you having a bad case of near-sightedness versus aliens having already invaded planet earth and is playing with time. Why do you keep seeing your ex? She’s literally everywhere – you see her while buying your morning coffee, you see her during your lunch break, again at the gym, at a friend’s gender reveal party, while clubbing and even at the groceries. 

 

Well, you are not hallucinating. The images are really her. That is because women have the tendency to follow you around after a break-up. But, don’t get your hopes up high. The reason could be because she’s making sure you are regretting your decision and that you are having the worst days of your life. Okay, so there would be some who would be wishing you happiness and all that stuff but, that would greatly depend on the reason of the break-up. 

 

How do girls face broken heart? Hint: It’s not all vanilla ice cream-laden! 

 

·    They can be a bit aggressive – This is to counter your deadening silence. Don’t worry, most wouldn’t go over a slap and a pinch. 

·    They, indeed, have the tendency to follow you around – this is to check if you’re miserable or if the rumors (between you and an officemate) are true.

·    They tend to get more attractive – one of the many things girls’ question after a break-up is the how they look. This is because, long term romantic relationships tend to make couples comfortable, even with how they dress and present themselves. So, after a break-up, they start remembering their secret stash of face clay masks and other stuff like snail goo. 

·    If a lot of friend requests are popping in your social media accounts lately, don’t flatter yourself much, it could be her – this is just to check you out without you knowing it’s her. Okay, these days, it’s called stalking but usually its harmless. 

 

It is indeed a complicated world of relationships. To know more, remember that eBooks are today’s relationship dictionaries. 

 

When is a Relationship Toxic?

Relationships that have already turned toxic or are really toxic right from the beginning are sometimes difficult to recognize especially when romantic love is in between. What makes a relationship toxic and why do you need to think it through? One thing you really should be wary of is that, healthy relationships help you become more mature, inspire you to reach your goals, make you feel good about yourself, etc. In some cases, all of which that constitutes a healthy relationship becomes or is absent in your current relationship without you realizing it. The consequences are devastating and sometimes could cause too much stress, despair and even depression. So, in order not to succumb to too much negativity in your life, here are red flags you need to be aware of when trying to spot a toxic relationship: 

 

• The blame game is ever present even in your petty arguments - Regarding who is at fault is not the focus of this red flag. Notice when your arguments tend to be thesis-like where you needed to defend yourself over and over again. 

• Misunderstandings often turn to full blown arguments instead of healthy communication of feelings - Though it is natural to have misunderstandings in relationships, even considered healthy at times. Too much of it is a no-no. When you notice yourself answering to combat and not to listen and it is slowly becoming your habit in every misunderstanding you have with your significant other, then red flags are up. 

• When you observe yourself being okay with not being true (to yourself and to the people around you) – Authenticity is one important characteristic of healthy relationships. If there is a need to be otherwise, then the red flag is up. 

• When you unconsciously start the habit of “avoiding” – little by little, you avoid friends, family, and other things you use to love like biking, dancing and karaoke with friends. When this happens, the red flag sways fast. If a relationship requires you to change into someone you are not, question yourself and the relationship. 

 

What to Expect After a Breakup?

They say that when you know what will happen next, then the chances of getting badly hurt could be a notch or two, lower than expected. This is why, reading about expectations after a breakup, matters. What really happens after? Are you expected to be friends with your ex? How do you react when you see his or her mom in a grocery store? And lastly, will you ever feel okay again? Find the answers below: 

 

• Some experiences that hygiene becomes a chore. The explanation could be that you are so focused on your emotions that your physical self is your least priority at the moment. 
• Many reported wanting and needing to be alone for long periods of time. Well, this is understandable especially when you start processing the situation. Just make sure that you have a deadline for your ‘alone time’ as too much of it could be a sign of depression already. 
• Some process breakups for months while others take days or years. A simple reminder that we are all unique individuals. 
• Because of feeling too much emotions at the same time, appetite-loss or increase in appetite could be experienced. This explains why people lose or gain weight during the process of moving on. 
• There will be lonely days ahead. You are human, and relationships create connections, healthy or unhealthy bonds, etc. This is why breakups will make you feel lonely. You invested in it emotionally. 
• There will be times when a song, movie or restaurant could make you cry like a baby. This could be embarrassing to experience, but memories are such tearjerkers that tears could fall even if you try so hard to distract your mind. The heart feels, indeed. 

 

To answer the questions above is to say, NO. You are not expected to be friends with your ex. Yes. You will one day move on and become a stronger person. 

6 Reasons Your Choice Of Partner Will Be One Of The Most Important Decisions You Make

When you start dating someone, you hardly think of it as an impactful decision, but your choice of partner will be one of the most important decisions you make. It influences every part of you, from your happiness and success to your health and finances, as well as your family, friends, and your children too. It isn't a decision that you should take lightly. 

 

You want to choose someone who will bring out the best bits of you, someone who brings joy, who makes life easy just as you do for them. Your partner should contribute positively to your physical and emotional well-being. 

 

Often, people emphasize the practical aspects of selecting the correct partner. They are logical and practical, to consider income and profession, even sophistication and status. Logical, but what is good on paper is not always good in reality. 

 

Whereas some people focus on impractical traits like adventure, fun, and spontaneity. You can't get caught up on one or two things, you can't be all practical or all impractical, you have to strike a balance. Balance is what brings us success and ultimately, your heart and your head have to have a role in the decision-making process. 

Reason 1: This Is Your Career

 

Every part of your life will be impacted by your partner. You need to be with someone who respects you, who builds you up, highlights your ambitions, and pushes you to chase your dreams. You should be with someone who respects every part of you and you should offer the same in return. There shouldn't be jealousy over someone's career taking off when the other person's career isn't, everything you do is a team effort. 

 

Reason 2: This Is Your Happiness

 

The partner that you end up with will heavily influence your level of happiness. How happy are you going to be if you end up with the wrong person? Anyone who has lived with the wrong partner knows how much that can impact your happiness levels. 

 

While happiness isn't external and it has to come from inside you, your partner will influence your internal world more than you would care to admit. Only you can make yourself happy, but that doesn't mean others can't make you unhappy. 

Reason 3: This Is Your Love 

 

If someone is fine or they're nice to you, but that's all you have to say for them then what are you doing? You are going to make a life with your partner and someone being fine or nice is not enough to hold that together. Whether you're having children or not, there should be more to your relationship than that. 

 

Reason 4: This is Your Health 

 

There are plenty of articles about how marriage positively impacts your health, but I think it's important to highlight that it's happy marriages and I would suggest that extends to live-in relationships as well. 

 

In addition to your physical health, the right partner is good for your mental health too. In that, if you are dealing with stress or anxiety, a good partner will support you. Whereas a bad partner might be a contributing factor to your issues. 

Reason 5: This Is Your Co-Parent

If you plan to have children then your partner is going to be your co-parent, even if you break up down the line. They are going to be tied to you forever and it's important to consider what type of parent they would be. 

Reason 6: This Is Your Life 

The person you choose to spend your life with is going to be with you all the way through every step of life. If you can't imagine seeing them at your side for all of the milestones and failures then maybe you haven't met the right person.

 

Pivotal Life Decision: Your Choice Of Partner

When was the last time you considered how pivotal it is to choose your life partner? What is the best way to choose the appropriate partner? Because this is such a significant problem for most of us, we don't give it much thought. It isn't very comforting. 

 

According to WebMD, "There are many good reasons to choose wisely and carefully when picking a spouse -- not the least of which is that you'll be spending an awful lot of time with them in both the near and distant future, possibly even raising children together." 

 

However, the fact is that you have complete choice over who you choose as your life mate. And you must realize that the decision you make is really important!

 

Everyone is a swipe away from approval or disapproval in the initial stages in today's dating market. It's crucial to remember, though, that your possible life partner is much more than just "the winning horse" in a race you've chosen to wager on. 

 

If you want to marry the proper guy or lady, you must make a well-considered decision; it cannot be done with a sweep of the finger. 

 

Here are five indicators that might help you figure out if someone has what it takes to go the length.

 

When It Comes To Selecting A Lifemate, Talking About Money Is Crucial

 

A couple's decision to plan a life includes focusing on wealth production, expansion, and protection. Two people may have very multiple viewpoints on what it costs to build a bank account and income stream in good shape. 

 

Finding the ideal marital partner also entails determining if you and your partner have similar spending and saving habits, as well as how you may protect yourself against financial infidelity.

 

When Searching For A Life Partner, Consider Your Parental Aspirations

 

The pinnacle of a couple's life is the birth of a new-born. When searching for a life partner, it is vital to discuss "whether one wants children," "how many children," and "when is the ideal time to have children." 

 

As you embark on your long journey as a parent with your life partner, you will undoubtedly make some parenting mistakes, but you must also choose whether you can fix yourself and move on, or you may wind up arguing over minor issues.

 

How Your Partner Handles Anger Is Pivotal

 

Rather than asking, you should observe. Keep an eye on how they act when they don't get their way, when they're disappointed, or when they're furious. 

 

We must deal with not getting our way in life, as well as pain and regret. How individuals conduct themselves around others in these situations reveals how they will act with you in the future.

 

Consider How Generous Your Life Partner Is

 

Considering generous treatment and healthy relationships with others is regarded as the No. 1 element to a healthy relationship (according to long-term research at the University of Virginia), it's critical to observe how generous your possible spouse is in their treatment and discussion of others. 

 

We are all giving and loving while we are in love, but you need to watch for signs of how generous someone will be once the infatuation love portion wears off.

 

Discuss What Love Means

 

According to LifeHack, "True, genuine love begins after the spell wears out, after the honeymoon ends and real life begins. This is great news! If we know that actually loving someone starts at the end of the buckling knees, then we're prepared; we don't give up. We don't think, "Oh, no, it's over! My heart doesn't flutter anymore, and the butterflies? What butterflies?"

 

For love to grow, it has to be supplemented by respect between both partners. When you're looking for the ideal life partner for marriage, be sure they respect you as much as they love you.

 

Kaizen Concept for Relationships

Kaizen is the Japanese concept of incremental improvement. It means making small daily changes that add up over time to represent huge differences in your life. The concept comes from manufacturing, where making a small improvement can result in gigantic changes that can hugely impact on profits in a good way.

 

This same strategy is often applied to weight loss, exercise, productivity, and finance.

 

But what about relationships? How can we apply this concept to one of the things that matters most in life?

 

Patterns

 

One piece of advice that any new couple should heed is this: be wary of the patterns and habits you fall into.

 

What many people don’t realize is that relationships – like people – are very much habitual. The habits you set down early on in terms of the balance of power, or the roles each of you take on at particular times.

 

You shouldn’t therefore do something once early on in your relationship, unless it’s something you’re happy to continually do.

 

For example, if you pick your partner up from work on the way home once, this is very likely to become a habit. If your partner goes into another room one evening to work rather than watch TV with you, this is very likely to become a habit.

 

This is all fine as long as they’re things you’re happy with. The problem is breaking patterns and habits that you aren’t happy with.

 

The answer? Kaizen. Small steps that add up to a big difference.

 

These habits can be broken just as they can be learned, but you need to start with a small step. For example, you might one night explain that you need to come home a little later, or that you’re very tired, and that you won’t be able to pick your partner up that night.

 

Wait a week and do the same thing again. Then do two nights in a row. Before long, a new habit can be set.

 

Diagnostics

 

Another way to apply kaizen to relationships is in a diagnostic sense of continual improvement. In other words, you can look at your current relationship and identify key areas where things could be improved. Then find small ways to do that.

 

This doesn’t need to mean pointing the finger at someone! It could rather mean deciding you both want to spend more time together, and therefore finding small opportunities to do that. Likewise, it could mean deciding to do more interesting things, and so maybe making a small change – like banning television just one night of the week.