Dig Deep And Find The Reason For The Guilt

This is day three in our seven-day mini-challenge and it is time to dig a little deeper and get to the root causes for your guilt that’s holding you back. After all, you can’t work on something and start making improvements until you know exactly what it is. Digging deep and examining your feelings can get a little uncomfortable. Don’t let that deter you. Keep pushing through. It is well worth it and you’ll feel much better once you’ve faced your fears and dealt with your feelings of guilt. 

 

Find a quiet place where you can think for a while without being interrupted. If you prefer, you can work through your feelings in writing using a journal or the likes. Some people find this helps them focus and stay on track. Otherwise, thinking through it can work just as well. If you find that you have a hard time pinpointing where your feelings of guilt are coming from, it can be helpful to talk it through with a trusted friend. Ideally this is someone who know you well and can guide you along the way. Encourage them to ask probing, open-ended questions until you get to the bottom of the matter. 

 

Let’s say you have been thinking of doing a little freelance work as a writer while you’re home raising your young children, but a feeling of guilt stops you from taking the first steps to give it a try. When you sit down and start to examine these feelings you start out with the idea that you will take away time you could spend with your children. As you think more about it this and start to imagine how it could work, you realize that you have time while they are napping or in preschool and that you will have even more time on your hands once they start school. 

 

Digging a little deeper, you realize that you’re worried about how getting back into your old profession could be perceived by those around you. Your spouse may feel like you don’t have enough time for him, and the neighbors may think that you’re a bad wife and mother if you focus on your freelance career. By facing these thoughts, you realize how silly these fears are. In most households both parents work and you would have the added benefit of a flexible schedule. 

 

You start to feel a little better about the whole idea, but there’s still a knot in your stomach. There is one more feeling that’s holding you back and it’s the thought that’s manifesting as guilt. You realize that what you’re really worried about is that you won’t make it. You’ve been home for a few years and haven’t done much writing, freelance or otherwise. What if no one will give you a project to work on or publish your writing? This right here is the real issue and the one you can now work on. 

Time For Self-Reflection And Finding The Guilt That’s Holding You Back

We are taking a look at guilt and why it can hold us back from doing the things we want to do. In the last post we started out by looking at what guilt is and how it holds you back from living the live you want to live. In order to break through and start making some series progress, you have to let go of the guilt. That’s what we’ll cover today. 

 

First Things First…. Find The Guilt 

 

The first step in this process that I’ll walk you through over the coming days is to find the guilt. It’s obvious, isn’t it? If you don’t know exactly what you feel guilty about, you can’t come up with a plan to work through it and let go of that guilt. Of course, that’s easier said than done. If it was easy, we wouldn’t go through a 7-Day process to stop holding back and letting go of the guilt. 

 

It’s important that you’re committed to discovering what’s holding you back and what you may be feeling guilty about. It’s important that you’re brutally honest with yourself. It’s not going to be easy. It is however going to be helpful, eye-opening, and very productive. 

 

Taking Time For Self-Reflection 

 

Start by giving yourself some time to think. We live in a loud and busy world that’s full of distractions. It’s hard to hear yourself think sometimes, isn’t it? It’s also easier to stay busy and keep plugging away than it is to stop and take some time to reflect. 

 

Find a quiet place, get comfortable and let your mind wander. Start to think about what you want to accomplish. Take a look at what’s holding you back. What thoughts or tasks start to make you feel uncomfortable when you think about them? What part of the journey gets your stomach in a tight knot? What is causing doubt to creep in? Pay attention to all of it and see if you can start to pinpoint this feeling of guilt and where it may be coming from. 

 

A Journal Can Be Helpful 

 

A journal is an excellent tool in this process. Grab a notebook, open up your word processor, or get a new journal and start to write your thoughts down. Putting it on paper can be very clarifying. It forces you to focus and organize your thought processes. It also gives you something to come back to and read later in the day or a bit down the road. This reading of your thoughts and what’s going on in your head can help you discover underlying causes as you “read between the lines”. Give it a try and see if you find journaling helpful in this process. 

 

Make A Plan To Discover Guilt Going Forward 

 

Last but not least, it’s important to realize that this will be an ongoing process. New feelings of guilt will pop up from time to time. Be on the lookout for them so you can address them right away. Again, journaling is a great tool for this. At the very least, be aware and listen to your mind and thoughts going forward. 

What Is Guilt And Why Does It Hold You Back From What You Want To Do

Let’s talk about guilt? It’s not a great feeling, is it? By definition, guilt is feeling of deserving blame for something. Often it’s a good check mechanism and a state of mind that we want to avoid. It moves us to action and gets us to do “the right thing”. Think back on your student days. Not doing your homework and lying about it made you feel guilty. That in turn ensured that you turned in your homework the next day and kept doing it going forward. Not a bad thing for your academic career. 

 

But sometimes guilt can be a bad thing and something that holds us back from achieving the things we want out of life. We feel guilty about spending time and money on growing a side business. We take away precious time from our loved ones to attend a live event. We don’t get to tuck the kids in at night because we’re going back to school. It’s easy to fall into the guilt trap even when we know what we’re doing is important and worthwhile. 

 

In short, like so many other things in live, guilt can be a positive thing, something that motivates you and gets you to work towards your goals and things you want to get done, or it can be the thing that’s holding you back. That’s why it’s important to pay attention to your feelings of guilt and ask yourself if it’s productive or if it’s holding you back. 

 

Over the course of the next seven days we’re going to dig deep and take a look at those guilty feelings, examine then, and then do something about it if they turn out to be feelings that hold you back and keep you from loving yourself and doing what you really want to do. 

 

Here’s the big problem with guilt. Sometimes it stops you from doing what you want to do as we discussed already. At other times it’s causing you to hold back and not give it your all. If you feel bad about missing dinner with the family, you’re not going to be fully present and committed in that client meeting or the class you’re taking. The guilt you’re feeling is keeping you from committing fully and giving it your all. 

 

It’s also taking a lot of the joy out of whatever it is you are doing. This may not seem like a big deal at first glance, but it takes a lot of the positive energy and drive out of your sails. It’s that energy that makes you push a little harder, try a little longer, and do all the little, seemingly insignificant things that make all the difference in the end. 

 

The guilt also gives you an easy excuse to give up. Life isn’t easy and any goal worth reaching takes work and effort. Sometimes it’s easier to give up than to keep pushing hard, solve problems, or resolve conflicts we’d rather avoid. That guilty feeling may be just the excuse you were looking for to justify giving up. By addressing these feelings of guilt and working through them, you can greatly improve your chances of reaching those goals and crafting the life you really want for yourself and your loved ones. 

Inspire Others To Pay It Forward

Have you ever heard the phrase, “Kindness is contagious?” Most sayings like this come to become widely known because they’re based in truth. Research has found scientific evidence for the fact that kindness can spread in various ways. You’ve surely experienced or witnessed instances in which someone has paid it forward or a movement has spread based on one person’s good deed. In today’s post, I’d like to explore this concept further and show you just how far-reaching the concept of helping others can be. 

 

Both Giver and Receiver Benefit

 

Everyone benefits from random acts of kindness. The giver feels good and gets that “helper’s high” from going out of their way to brighten someone else’s day. The recipient enjoys the surprise of an unsolicited positive outreach. We all appreciate when someone is nice to us. These good feelings tend to create a cycle because those involved want to continue feeling good. The giver gets a rush from helping someone and will often be motivated to keep giving in various ways. The recipient wants to share the rewards they’ve just gained. They may feel an obligation to “pay it forward”, but they know they will experience a reward, as well. 

 

Observers Experience Benefits, Too

 

Even if you’re not directly part of an act of kindness, you can benefit. A phenomenon known as “moral elevation” exists that ensures good deeds will spread. It works by creating positive feelings when certain events are triggered within the peripheral and central nervous systems. These neurophysical connections are made when someone witnesses or hears about an act of kindness or feel-good story. The high or euphoric feeling you then get motivates you to want to do something good, as well, perpetuating the pay-it-forward cycle. 

 

Evidence in Social Learning Theory

 

Social learning theory is the study of the ways in which groups interact. Its core principles are based on the fact that people will behave in similar ways to which they see those in their peer group or how their families behave. It’s sort of the “monkey see, monkey do” or “birds of a feather” philosophy. Therefore, when children grow up in a family in which kindness and compassion are the norm, they are more likely to display those traits also. Just as when teachers demonstrate and emphasize to their students a core philosophy of doing good, this standard will be the precedent among the class. Kindness is essentially contagious when groups continually perform such behavior. 

 

You can make a difference in your small corner of the world by simply performing random acts of kindness. Science and centuries of anecdotal evidence backs this up. Be the change you wish to see and encourage the people around you to do good deeds. You’ll begin to see an impact.

Use Your Voice To Make A Difference

There are so many ways to reach out and be kind to others. We’ve discussed doing so in big ways and with the simplest of acts. Today, I’d like to explore some of the ways you can use your voice to make a difference in the lives of those around you. We all have preferred communication methods. Using your preferred approach can make performing random acts of kindness less stressful or intimidating. Keep reading to discover what I mean. 

 

Verbal Methods

 

Some of us are good at using our actual voices to convey meaning. Talking is the way we most like to communicate. If this sounds like you, try to capitalize on that fact. Tell someone they’re doing a great job. Call your loved one up on the phone to let them know you’re thinking of them. Go visit your neighbor to check in and make sure they’re all right. Those who are outgoing and love to talk have lots of ways they can engage in random acts of kindness. 

 

Written Options

 

Other folks might feel intimidated about actually speaking to those in a way that makes them feel vulnerable. You might deal with social anxiety or be more introverted by nature. If that’s the case, there are still plenty of ways to show others you care and brighten their day. Maybe you’re a good written communicator. If so, send an email of thanks to a co-worker. Write a quick note on a post-it to surprise your child. Submit a review of a colleague on LinkedIn or leave a lovely blog comment for your favorite online personality. These are all great. 

 

Artistic Expression

 

You don’t actually have to use your voice at all if you prefer to be more creative in your good deeds. You can volunteer to draw a mural for your neighborhood. Perhaps teaching an art class at the local community center or volunteering to paint with residents of a nursing home might be enjoyable for you. Using your creative gifts are also fantastic ways to make your voice heard in a meaningful way for others. 

 

Body Language

 

Finally, another example of a way to communicate good will is in the subtle art of body language. A smile, hug or simply being present can make a huge difference in someone’s life. It’s okay to tell someone who’s going through a difficult time that you’d like to be there for them even if you don’t have the words or know-how to improve their life. Physically being near is a great comfort to many. That might be something you’re comfortable in doing. We can all give someone a smile or encouraging nod, at the very least. 

 

Consider these ways of giving back through your words or other forms of language. There are truly no limits to the ways we all can perform random acts of kindness. 

Make a Big Impact On The World Around You

We’ve talked a great deal about the ways that small acts of kindness can have powerful results. They can truly change someone’s outlook and brighten their day. Today, I’d like to move on to discuss ways to give back and share with others that involve more effort. If you have the time, money or other resources to give, there are a lot of ways to make a big impact on the world around you. These types of activities may not be for everyone, but they’re certainly worthwhile if you are able to take part in them. Let’s explore some of the large-scale random acts of kindness you can take on if you want to provide in a grand way. 

 

Start or Participate in a Fundraiser

 

Fundraising is important and can benefit a number of causes, from individuals in need to assisting the victims of natural disasters. Spearheading or even taking part in an established movement can entail a great deal of work and commitment. The results are usually tremendous, though. If you want to help someone in a big way, setting up or helping with a fundraiser is a great way to do it. You could rally everyone at your school, office or community to get involved. It’s also possible for your movement to reach a national scale, depending upon your resources and public interest.

 

Create a Foundation or Nonprofit

 

Another way to see results on a big scale is to set up a charitable foundation or nonprofit organization. You can benefit a particular cause through your efforts, and the number of people it’s possible to help is impactful. In order to do either of these activities, you will likely need a large amount of money and the help of experts like lawyers and financial advisers. However, it is possible to obtain grants or other funding backers to help you. There may be fewer limits than you think. 

 

Participate in Philanthropy

 

Volunteering is something you can do in your free time on occasion. Many people do this. It can also be undertaken at a larger level. You could take on the effort of establishing a crew of volunteers, perhaps from your work or just among friends, to help out a particular cause. Sometimes the benefactors of such volunteerism are individuals or families who are experiencing a difficult time. Other times, an existing organization can reap the rewards of your efforts. Volunteering on a large-scale may seem intimidating, but it’s not so bad when many people pitch in. You just might be the motivational leader to make it happen. 

 

If you’ve ever felt compelled to make a difference in a big way, consider one of these options. Some extra effort, dedication and resources can result in a random act of kindness that goes beyond anything you ever imagined.

Random Acts of Kindness Doesn’t Have to Be Complicated or Expensive

One thing I’ve learned along the way to becoming proficient at performing random acts of kindness is that it takes practice and creativity. I’ve already shared some ways for you to get started on your own do-gooder practice, but you still may not be convinced. Doing something for others doesn’t have to take much effort at all. It also doesn’t have to cost a dime. Let’s take a look at some ways you can reach out and brighten someone’s day in the easiest way. You can never have too many good examples. 

 

• Smile at a stranger. 
• Encourage someone who’s struggling.
• Give a word of praise to someone who’s least expecting it, like your boss.
• Hold the elevator for someone who’s in a rush.
• Read a child a story.
• Listen to someone’s complaint.
• Say a heartfelt thank you.
• Share a friend’s creative work on social media.
• Call someone you haven’t talked to in a long time just to say hello.
• Leave a blog comment when you read a post that truly resonates with you.
• Offer a homeless person your leftovers from a restaurant or bagged lunch.
• Tell a frazzled parent what a good job they’re doing or how well-behaved their child is.
• Give someone a hug if they say it’s okay to do so.
• Offer to return someone’s shopping cart.
• Share a kind word with the customer service representative, either on the phone or in-person.
• Give up your seat to someone standing on the subway or bus.
• Write a short message of thanks or encouragement to a co-worker, your partner or random stranger. 
• Say hello to a homeless person.
• Introduce yourself to a new neighbor or co-worker.
• Make introductions between your contacts if you feel they could benefit each other or get along well.
• Let someone merge in front of you when driving in heavy traffic.
• Offer to take on someone’s work task if you have time and they seem swamped.
• Give someone a ride who doesn’t have a car.
• Make amends for past wrongs to someone who was once in your life.
• Agree to an activity you might not enjoy just because someone else will love it.
• Invite someone to your holiday celebration if you know they’ll be alone. 
• Share your expert knowledge with someone who has questions and has asked for advice. 
• Write a recommendation on LinkedIn.
• Offer to pick up items for others when you’re heading out to grab lunch or run an errand.
• Recognize someone for their good idea or contribution during a work meeting.

 

Okay, now are you ready to get out there and start sharing random acts of kindness? All of these are super-easy, low-effort and free ways to brighten someone’s day. You can do it!

Try Doing A Random Act Of Kindness Today

Even after getting the previous list of ideas to get you started, you still may not be convinced you’re ready to go out there to spread unexpected joy in the world. I can understand that. Giving without a special occasion or particular reason feels foreign. You may worry about the reaction you’ll receive. Let’s explore some of these issues so you can move on from your comfort zone and try a random act of kindness today. 

 

About Random Acts of Kindness

 

Kindness goes beyond simply being nice. Being kind is selfless. It requires empathy and putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. In our busy modern world, we’re often consumed with hectic schedules and too many commitments. That can make it difficult to look outside of ourselves and consider the needs of others. Random acts of kindness require you to take the leap and do just that. These selfless acts are to be performed on behalf of others for no other reason than to make their day better or improve their mood.

 

What’s Holding You Back? 

 

There are lots of things that could be keeping you from sharing random acts of kindness with others. Many people feel insecure about putting themselves out there and allowing themselves to be vulnerable in this way. It takes courage and self-confidence to give freely to another with no agenda or particular reason. You’ll probably overcome this comfort once you begin to practice doing little acts here and there. Sometimes people feel themselves to be unworthy. They may think others wouldn’t receive their gift without suspicion. It can be risky to take such a leap, but the rewards are usually worth it. Most recipients are quite enthusiastic and happy to get such a surprise. Maybe you just feel too wrapped up in your own needs that it seems impossible to spare anything for anyone else. Usually, you’ll find this not to be the case once you start to give. 

 

Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

 

Doing random acts of kindness take you out of your own little world and allow you to connect with others in meaningful ways. This can have a very powerful effect on you, your recipient and anyone who sees or comes in contact with your efforts. Performing unsolicited good deeds adds positivity to the world around you. It will rarely have negative repercussions. Try taking just one small step outside your comfort zone to give to another in even the smallest of ways. Then try something a bit more daring the next day. Each positive response will increase your confidence. 

 

Are you ready to start performing random acts of kindness today? Hopefully, you’ve given some thought to what’s holding you back and feel enthusiastic about all the ways you could enhance the lives of those around you. 

Examples of Random Acts of Kindness To Inspire You

Performing random acts of kindness may be new to you, so it’s possible you have no idea how to begin. That’s okay. Coming up with ideas can be tough. That’s why today’s blog post is packed full of things you can do to make someone else’s day a little brighter. Some of the activities will cost you nothing and take only a moment of your time. Others will be more in-depth. Choose whatever fits your comfort level and the occasion. Enjoy these examples of random acts of kindness to inspire you. 

 

• Hold the door open for the person behind you whose hands are full. 
• Allow the shopper in the grocery line move ahead of you if you only have a few items and their cart is full. 
• Check on an elderly neighbor or shut-in. 
• Donate your old clothes to charity. 
• Tape change to a parking meter or vending machine.
• Give the new employee a tour of your work area or offer to sit with them at lunch.
• Volunteer. At a nursing home, a homeless shelter, a soup kitchen, your kid’s school, anywhere. 
• Adopt a child or family during the holidays to give gifts to. 
• Send a get-well card to someone, or even a card for no reason whatsoever. 
• Ask for donations to your favorite charity instead of presents for your birthday. 
• Smile at someone on the street. 
• Give an unsolicited compliment.
• Pay for the person behind you in line at the fast food restaurant or drive through. 
• Let the manager of the store know when an associate gives you exceptional service. 
• Leave kind notes in the dressing room to encourage body positivity. 
• Offer to babysit for parents who really need a night away or to help with the nightly feedings for a new mother friend.
• Clean up the trash in your neighborhood or at your favorite outdoor recreation spot like a park or beach. 
• Visit a nursing home just to spend time with those who rarely receive visitors or to bring treats for the residents. 
• Send a note of thanks to someone who’s made a big difference in your life. 
• Pay for someone’s layaway who hasn’t made a payment in a long while. 
• Fundraise by participating in a 5K, walk or other sponsored activity.
• Shovel the driveway for elderly neighbors or those who may otherwise have trouble doing the job themselves. Mowing lawns and raking leaves are also good ideas.
• Mentor a young person entering your profession
• Help someone stranded on the side of the road. 
• Take the time to listen to someone who is having a bad day.

 

Hopefully, this quick list will inspire you to begin sharing random acts of kindness with those around you. Pick one from the list or come up with an idea of your own, then just do it. See how you feel. Chances are you’ll be ready to do another one tomorrow.