Appreciating Y-O-U

Self-confidence, loosely defined as self-worth or the ability of a person to see his ability to judge, appreciate his qualities and trust his abilities. Well, that could be hard to swallow all at once, so let’s dissect it a bit. Self-worth seems easy at first, simply ask yourself: What am I worthy of? But when questions like these arise; a flashy car or respect, promotion or true love – the challenge starts popping its head. Oppps! Let’s put that aside and move on to the next: ability to appreciate his qualities. What are your good qualities? Will you name them? Can you make a list, perhaps? How about the not so-good qualities that you have? Are your fingers crossed that it’s not the longer list? 

 

Where does this come from, this self-confidence thing? Is it not innating in us all like breathing? And, what could happen if you have it, or you don’t? The truth of the matter is, self-confidence matters. It is a gameplayer which has a crucial role in your life – be it in the social, emotional, physical, etc. aspect. It should almost be always present. 

 

Well, the last paragraph seems a bit ideal, if you agree. This is simply because not everybody can attest to being self-confident at all times. And, those who claim does, maybe are the ones bordering narcissistic personality, eh? As they say, too much or too little of anything is dangerous. So, how are you to know that you have enough self-confidence to navigate the world around you? 

 

The good thing though, technology is at your back! Nowadays, there are numerous self-help books (and eBooks, kudos to the ever-applauded internet technology and its inventor), giving you the opportunity to choose which style/approach appeals to you! Self-confidence is a sure hit, just make sure you purchase the right eBook that will ease your doubts!

 

5 Questions to Question Your Self-Confidence

It’s not every day that you question your level of confidence, right? And, let’s admit, it’s not an easy task. So, what if you would like to know, as in right now, at this very moment, whether your confidence levels have the capacity to take you to the road to success? What you can actually do to self-assess is to answer, with all honesty, these five simple questions: 

 

1. Do you fear rejection? 

 

2. Your needs or other’s first? 

 

3. Do you have the tendency to simply “agree” just to avoid confrontations? 

 

4. How do you feel when someone “gets” what you’ve been dreaming of or wanting for the longest time? 

 

5. Do you sometimes feel being possessive of friends and family? 

 

Okay, okay…calm down. A “yes” to more than three questions doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going bonkers, eh? It is just gives you a wider view of yourself, a means of understanding deeper the real you. But then, also take into consideration that five questions wouldn’t define you. A holistic view may need more than five and thanks to self-help books and eBooks that are abundant everywhere. You are saved (for the meantime, though). The skill you need right now is being able to know where to find and how to find those “perfect books.” 

 

To start with, at least admit to yourself whether your self-confidence needs boosting or just a little push. This will help you decide what will do good for you. Ebooks are advantageous because you can download it straight to your smart phone and read anywhere. You also could feel less pressured finishing an ebook because you know that you can browse it anytime, anywhere. This way, you could spend more time relishing each fact and reflecting these that are not easy to admit, even when alone with your thoughts. May the force be with you! 

 

You’re Short-Legged, Now What?

It doesn’t stop with the legs, you know – the curly/straight hair, the nose, the round or slit eyes, chubby fingers, the cellulite-filled thighs…well the list could go on. You could forever criticize the one body you have that will last you your lifetime. Yes! You read that right: one body, one lifetime. Whoa. A bit overwhelming to some, but reality bites. We are given the body that we already have and accepting its beauty and flaws can save you, a lifetime of woes, and that’s a lot. 

 

Again, being realistic here, acceptance is easier said than done. Especially now that one is bombarded with photoshopped images anywhere – ads, television, internet, malls, etc. Where does one start? Though, one could easily schedule an appointment to a surgical doctor and have one’s body altered under a knife, will self-doubt end there? 

How about focusing on your good, nice, perfect body parts? Have you ever tried noticing how well your ears are formed? How great your smile is? Aside from that, and one of the most lasting contrasts to self-doubt and one of the more positive ways of dealing with low self-confidence is focusing on having a good personality, on being kind and being a walking sunshine with a beautiful smile that actually includes your liver. How about all that? 

 

Self-confidence is crucial. It is an important factor that will affect the quality of your life in the next years. It contributes even to your well-being. Take charge. You can start by purchasing a nice book that can boost your morale without letting other people know that you are processing one important aspect in your life. choose ones that easy to read and full of positive content but will not make you delve away from reality, if you know what I mean (one that will not make you believe you’re a superhuman with super abilities) Especially with eBooks, it’s handy, discreet and can make you look chill.

 

How Fear Define You

Good news! The monster under your bed is gone. Remember the one you’ve been fearing for throughout your childhood? It is actually just a sock that Mom have been looking for, for ages! Fears, they actually evolve. From the fear of standing, falling, first day of school, monsters that lurk during lights off, a math exam, coming home late, being grounded, talking to a crush…until they become fear of yourself – your physical self and your whole being. Am I good enough? Can I do this? Will they be better than me? Will they laugh at my jiggly arms? 

 

Fear can do a lot. It can also lower your self-confidence and bring chaos to your life. But we all have fears, you may say. Yes, but once these fears become out of hand and starts controlling your life, then it is time to do something about it. Be honest to yourself and know what your fears are. It is the very first step to take before trying to fix anything. This process may take long, just do a list – no judging, no defining. Then, do a simple memory game - are there some events that you remember lead to these fears? You know, you may have accidentally held a mouse tail before and hence, your fear of mouse. If this is the case, then little by little exposure may help – a picture, Nat Geo episode, pet store…So goes with your other fears.

 

The same ideology can be applied to the fears that you have which can be defined as more “personal.” For example, your fear of meeting new people – of course, you will never gain self-confidence to meet other people if you choose to lock yourself in your room and stalk people you want to meet via their Facebook profiles, right? Get all the help you can avail of – eBooks, workshops, talks, etc. and start getting a grip of your fears, your confidence and your life!

 

Why Stop Being Negative?

Let’s drop the bomb and begin this article by being negative – you will never succeed in any endeavor you choose with a negative composure and outlook. And pretending not to be one but really starting to get pissed and defending yourself after reading the first sentence, will not either. Moving on, how NOT to be one then? 

 

Negative or negativity, let’s define as something that is obviously not something that is positive (for the good). It is a reaction to causes stress and unhappy feelings. It has the potential to wreak havoc to relationships, destroy possibilities and chances for growth and new beginnings. How so? For example, a negative person is faced with a situation, he will assume that everything is about him – the challenge, the heavy emotions, other’s reaction. Instead of thinking a healthy way out of his situation, he will be consumed by his negativity and can become stuck in the situation. Either that he will regress or be full of anger at anything that comes his way. The result? Nothing that will benefit him. 

 

The above is just one sample scenario showing negativity. I in real life, the chances are aplenty, the situations – repeatedly happens. Why suffer in this kind of cycle? Being in the nega-zone lowers your self-confidence even more. When you think that everything is against you, how can you confidently face people and situations? 

 

Lucky you! there are a lot of self-help and self-care options available in the market that will /can/may bring out the enthusiastic, positive and happy you! Who knows, the road to self- improvement may just be ten chapters away. Start with the short ones, those that are easy to read and carry. An eBook perhaps? And of course, remind yourself that it doesn’t end at the last chapter – walk the talk and you’ll turn out fine!

 

Five Tips to Boost Self-Confidence

Have you ever wondered how some people whose physical looks may seem to meet magazine standards but experience having a hard time being noticed in a crowd? How about that friend of yours who seem to fill a space with his funny stories and laughter? Remember that experience of yours when somebody with a beautiful smile entered your dull meeting room and suddenly filled it with radiance? The common denominator in these three instances is self-confidence. 

 

Indeed, self-confidence levels affects your life in ways that it really does matter. So, if you feel like lacking in that area, how do you boost it? Here are five easy ways: 

 

1. Always remember that no situation is permanent. Meaning, you have the power to change any situation you are in. 

 

2. Even emotions are not permanent – sadness, joy, pain, happiness. All these can change by the minute. 

 

3. What matters really is how you react to the different situations you will be faced in your lifetime and emotions you will have to go through day by day. 

 

4. If you focus on the negative, then chances are, it is all that you will see. Imagine how terrible your days ahead are. 

 

5. If you focus on the positive, then chances are, it is what you will see in every situation you will face, even the difficult ones. Imagine how light your life may/can be. 

 

And, if you notice, the list above is just five amongst the many ways to boost your confidence levels. If you want to start getting a grip at what’s essential, then there are lots of materials that can help you. Short eBooks are aplenty and comes in handy, can easily fit your lifestyle. Content-wise, to be honest, some are great while others are so-so. This is why you need to be a smart consumer and just don’t rely on beautiful covers! 

 

The Ugly Monsters of Today

Almost every adult issue stem from childhood. So, the best way to understand some of your quirkiness is to relive your childhood memories. But, remember to do it with preparation and readiness. If not, then you might just hurl down memory lane, hurt yourself a bit more and get stuck. Your goal is not to hate your parents more (just in case) or your bully cousin for pushing you on your 9^th birthday party. What you are trying to do is to remember where the ugly monsters of today are coming from, cut it at its roots, and plant new seeds (happiness, acceptance, forgiveness). 

 

Where to start? Keep in mind that just like any other task in your life, the beginning may not be easy but if to stick to it till the end, you just might get more than what you’ve been expecting. Below are starter steps: 

 

1. Make a list of your negative thoughts – you feel not accepted, you feel unworthy, you feel you are not capable of doing something.

 

2. Trace back important events in your life especially those in your childhood that really traumatized you. 

 

3. Think of the people involved in your important events and notice how you feel about them.

 

4. Tell yourself that everything happened in the past and that carrying that baggage of yesterday is quite a heavy burden to bear today.

 

5. Start unburdening. Start forgiving and moving forward. Come to think of it, the people you hold grudge to, may not even be aware of the hurt they may have caused you. especially if they too, are still young at the time of the event/incident. 

 

6. There will be situations where adults and important people in your life may get involved in your past issues. It is a reality though that in this situation, moving forward is harder. But it can still happen. 

 

Strengthen your will to improve your life. Only you hold the key.

 

Possible Reasons Why You Think and Feel Low About You

Why do you shy out when deep inside yourself, you know that you can? Why won’t you smile and rather sulk in a corner? When you have a better idea, why do you keep it to yourself? Are you afraid to be tagged as obnoxious? Or, are you afraid to make mistakes? 

 

There are countless reasons why you may think and feel low about yourself. Let us list down the possible top three.

Your possible lack of education

This can be easily combatted. Educate yourself through books, eBooks, seminars, workshops, etc. Nowadays, there are hundreds of free online courses offered by schools around the globe. Education can now be accessed easier.

Unresolved childhood issues

This can become quite ugly. Unresolved childhood issues have the potential to evolve into something uglier – like low self-esteem and ruin your adult life. It comes apparent in many aspects in your life- relationships, general and work attitude, etc. So think about it and do something about it. Now is the best time, always.

Not having supportive parents or having been neglected by nurturers

This is somewhat related to the second reason but this one includes every nurturer that you have come in contact with growing up. Now that you are not a child anymore and maybe an adult yourself trying to make ends meet, you may have a better understanding of why some

 

Self-care Towards Self-Confidence

How do you take care of yourself? this is an important factor you should give focus to if you want to start gaining confidence. How could you face a crowd if you constantly slouch and wear dirty clothing? Moreover, how can you confidently deliver a speech or share your thoughts if you miss dentist appointments? Physically, you can start by making sure that you have a clean body. It is your vessel, the first thing that gets noticed. Before anything else, what we mean by focusing on the physical doesn’t equate to going narcissistic and scheduling an appointment to a body surgeon. it starts with accepting what you are born with, maximizing your positive traits and keeping a healthy body. Eating healthy, having an exercise routine (no matter how simple), sticking to a positive lifestyle (especially if you are 30 and up) can go a long way when it comes to self-care. 

 

Your thoughts, attitude and stance also matter. This are important factors to your over-all health. Remember what experts say – you are your thoughts. This means that if you always have a positive approach to things and situations, then the chances to attract diseases and ugly fights becomes far. 

 

Self-care is knowing which battles to fight. There are some things better left alone. Toxic relationships are one and also a big no-no when it comes to self-care. This will take a toll on you, sometimes without you noticing. Self-care is loving yourself first, before anyone else. When you start taking care of yourself, then you will start to condition your mind that you are worthy. This feeling gives you confidence and morale. If you still want to know more about this matter or want to know more ways on how to do self-care towards self-confidence, a lot of eBooks are available at the market.

 

Are You Wallowing In Misery or Looking To The Bright Side?

Bad things happen. However, it’s your response to them that defines the quality of your life and character. You can choose perpetual unhappiness or you can rise above the difficulty and treasure life. 

 

Some of us experience more painful events and struggle more often in life than others. We wonder why it happens to us instead of the bad people in the world. Unfortunately, life isn’t fair. Terrible things happen, and they strike when least expected. When this happens, it’s okay to feel down and it’s okay to cry about the circumstances. It’s even acceptable to feel angry. 

 

However, there comes a point where you have to shake it off and let go of the past. You have to make a choice to not allow it to consume you. You have to learn something from the experience and constructively move forward. 

 

This isn’t about clinical depression; this is about wallowing in your misery or self-pity. 

 

You are not Alone in the Sadness 

 

Think of a difficult time in your life. Perhaps you moved across the country for love, only for it to fall apart. Alternatively, perhaps you lost your job soon after getting a mortgage on a brand-new house. When such bad things happen, you are suddenly a victim and your first impulse may be to play the part as if you were competing for an Oscar nomination. 

 

You might burst into tears at the drop of a hat and tell your story to strangers. Often the people around you will show you compassion and pick you back up and brush you off. 

 

No matter how hopeless and helpless you feel, there will always be people in your life that show you that you’re not alone, that you are not unloved. In that situation, you can choose to accept that love or you can allow yourself to be consumed with misery and self-pity. 

 

While you go through your tragedy or upset there are people in pain all around you. They have lost loved ones, are struggling with finances, have terminal illnesses, or are homeless. However, if you are like most people, while you’re in the midst of your misery you don’t care about others. You’re only concerned with yourself and your own gloom. 

 

It often takes a lot of time and space before we can look back on those situations and see there was a lesson in it. It did work out. And we only wasted time by wallowing. 

 

Wallowing In Misery Is A Choice

 

When you let misery take control of your life, it leads to total self-absorption. It’s destructive for your mental health to dwell on negatives. It leaves you with a chip on your shoulder, bitter and resentful. Focusing on hurt means you’re not focused on controlling your life. 

 

When you blaming your circumstances for your place in life, you give up control and responsibility over your life. You can choose to feel sorry for yourself and wallow in misery, or you can choose to rise above it. Self-pity is selfish and makes us unaware of the suffering of those around us. 

 

Instead, you can choose to edify yourself, take charge of your happiness, and enjoy your life. Your happiness is your personal responsibility. You can control whether or not you look on the bright side. 

 

You can continue to feel the hurt and the pain and you can choose to cry and mope if you want to. But those are only healthy when things to do when you do them in order to let the pain go.  

 

You are not alone and you are not unloved. There are people who need you. But you can’t help them if you can’t help yourself. You may not be able to change the past but your future is in your hands. So forget misery and embrace the bright side. 

 

Are Your Self-Limiting Beliefs Bringing You Down?

If you’re having problems moving forward in life, you may be struggling with self-limiting beliefs. If you’re not familiar with the term, self-limiting beliefs are thought that relate to our abilities, skills, looks, motivation, and other personality traits.

Self-limiting beliefs are often self-identified. This means that they are beliefs that focus on oneself rather than the world in general. However self-limiting beliefs may also be about other people or the world.

 

What Are Self-Limiting Beliefs?

 

According to changingminds.org, there are several categories of self-limiting beliefs.

I do/don’t I am/am not: These beliefs define us by things we are or are not. “I am an accountant.” These types of self-limiting beliefs may also be related to things we think we do or don’t deserve. “I don’t deserve a raise because I am a bad accountant.”

 

I can’t: I can’t self-limiting beliefs are based on the self-image. Typical I can’t self-limiting beliefs are statements that begin with I can’t “I can’t do this because… I can’t learn that because…”

 

Value Beliefs: Value beliefs are typically based on norms laws cultural restraints and other conditions. However, not all of these are mandatory, and some are highly limiting. “I must clean my house every day until the floor shines.” This is a highly limiting value belief about cleanliness.

 

Others will/are: these are beliefs based on how other people perceive us or what they will do based on our actions. These are often guesses about other people’s behavior, and they are often wrong. These self-limiting beliefs are wrong because we view people through our own mind rather than through their perception. We don’t have accurate ideas of how other people think because we have not lived their experiences.

 

How Do Self-Limiting Beliefs Affect Your Life?

 

Now that you’re aware of various self-limiting thoughts, the question becomes, how are these thoughts affecting your life?

 

According to Psychology Today, limiting decisions in our lives prevents us from becoming who we wish to become. Self-limiting thoughts do this by affecting our decisions. 

 

Several studies over the past few decades have shown that what we perceive, our emotional state, and how we perform, are all directly tied to our self-belief system. This means that if your self-beliefs are limiting, your actions are going to be self-limiting.

 

Often people with self-limiting beliefs will not even attempt to test that limit. For example, people who think that they are not attractive will never attempt to ask for a date. People who think they are too old for new jobs will not try to find a more satisfying career. These are examples of how self-limiting beliefs can bring you down without you even knowing. Self-limiting beliefs are controlling your decisions every day.

4-Steps To Eliminating Self-Limiting Beliefs

 

The lucky thing about thoughts is that you are in complete control of them. Anytime you have a thought,whether it is positive or negative, you can change it. Psychology Today has a four-step process to eliminate self-limiting beliefs. Learning these steps and going through them can help you see more success in your life by reducing your self-limiting thoughts.

 

1.  Write the limiting belief down. Find out how strong each belief is and what emotions they make you feel.

2.  Acknowledge that they are beliefs and not truths. Many people struggle with this step, but the reality is a belief is not a fact. Many self-limiting beliefs are limitations that are based on fictional ideas we have about ourselves. When we realize that these are not real or truthful limitations, we free ourselves up to act against these beliefs.

3.  Try on a different belief. This may take some practice, but over time, you will be able to change your belief system. An example that psychology today used was to change a self-limiting belief about not being good with money. Instead of saying, “I am not good with money and that is why I have financial difficulties.” You would change that belief to “I am experienced with money because of my past, and I have learned how to handle my finances.” These simple tweaks in your internal dialogue can help you change your actions.

4.  Take different action. The final step is to take action on your new belief as if it were true. If you now are trying on the belief that you are a successful artist, you may enter your first art show. While this is very scary, it is also an important step in overcoming negative and self-limiting beliefs.

 

Confidence in Yourself Makes Anything Possible

Having confidence means knowing your own self-worth, what you’re good at and conveying it to others. But who has the time to explore their self-confidence? We’re living at a time when appearances can be deceiving, and it’s very easy to lose yourself in all the hype of how we should dress and talk and eat and act - social media has everything laid out for us.

 

Everyone’s self-confidence fluctuates every now and then. Let’s be honest, who isn’t afraid of failure? But confident people know how to overcome that fear. They have a set of ideals and values they follow, and aren’t afraid to speak their mind. They know their likes and dislikes, their passions and beliefs. Confident people don’t seek others’ approval before their own. Their happiness doesn’t depend on how others see them.

 

On the other hand, they’re accepting of constructive criticism because they know how to use it and become stronger for it. Confident people praise the success of others, and rarely judge or are overly critical of what other people do or say. Needless to say, they avoid negative people since negativity can be contagious and powerful.

 

Those who have a high sense of self-confidence aren’t afraid to ask for help. They’re aware that they don’t know everything there is to know, and that it’s okay to seek the help of others. Another great quality of confident individuals is that they don’t shy away from new experiences. They try new things and are open to new ideas. And if they make a mistake, they use it as a learning experience. 

 

They’re constantly challenging themselves, and as a result, enjoying more of what life has to offer. It could be they’re learning a new language or how to play the guitar; the point is they embrace life and are living it, instead of just skimming on the surface.

 

When you’re comfortable in your own skin, people tend to sense it and somehow take some of that confidence with them into their own lives. Killing off negative thoughts becomes second nature. At the same time, replacing that negativity with a more positive, balanced outlook on life becomes easier. And the more you feed the positive, the stronger it becomes, boosting with it your self-respect and worth.

 

You know that saying, “practice makes perfect.” Well, it goes for building up your self-confidence as well. Through continual practice, your confidence increases and you become adept at listening to your inner voice. Some of the things you do every day can either make or break your confidence, such as:

 

• Smile and make eye contact. When you’re talking to someone, or a group of people, a key ingredient to bolstering your self-confidence is by looking your audience in the eye and smiling. When people feel that you’re connecting with them on some level, they tend to relax a bit, listen better, and take in that self-assurance you exude.

• Take care of yourself. Personal hygiene is fundamental because when you feel good about how good you look and smell, your confidence will shine through.

• Exercising and a healthy diet are also crucial to having a well-balanced sense of self.

• Good posture. Studies show that those who lack self-confidence tend to slump their shoulders to avoid attention. Pull your shoulders back and take a deep breath. That’s all you need to shine.

• Help others. When you help a stranger, or even someone you know, you get a better sense of who you are in the world and how much we truly depend on one other. Feeling that connection can give you feeling that you can do anything.

• Discover new things. Learning is an ongoing process. And the more you learn, the more empowered you’ll become. Read, take courses, meet new people - it’s up to you.

• Be prepared. Make a “Handy Helper” type of list so you’re ready whenever you’re faced with a problem at work or in your personal life, you can use it to get you back on track, like a backup plan. Knowing that you have something whenever you face a tough situation will bolster your self-confidence and enable you to go into any situation with more self-reliance and composure.

 

Key Steps To Gaining Self-Awareness That Helps You Grow

To understand why you need self-awareness, it helps to know exactly what self-awareness is. According to Psychology Today, self-awareness is “the accurate appraisal and understanding of your abilities and preferences and their implications for your behavior and their impact on others.”

 

To become self-aware, the first thing you need to do is get an accurate appraisal and understanding of your abilities. This can be one of the harder parts of becoming self-aware. Why?

 

Many times, our Ego will protect itself from any negative thoughts about our ability. Alternatively, on the opposite end of the spectrum, people with low self-esteem will not have a good view of their abilities. So, how do we gain an accurate understanding of our abilities?

 

Self-Testing

 

Both Psychology Today and Psych Central recognize that self-testing is one of the keys to recognizing your abilities. People self-test through both real world experience and by taking personal inventories. 

 

It is important to go through this testing period to gain self-awareness. Most people do this as adolescents. However, those with histories of trauma or other significant life experiences at early ages or as teens may not have gone through this process. This self-testing period is where you try new things to find out what you're good at and what you're not good at. 

 

You should continue self-testing throughout your life to discover hidden talents and new joys. Often people lack the confidence to endeavor into things they are passionate about until they are more mature. 

 

Once you have a good idea of your skill set and preferences you are ready for the next portion of self-awareness. Understanding how those abilities and preferences affect your behavior and how they impact others. 

 

Your Behavior

 

Knowing that loud noises make you uncomfortable is one thing. Understanding that this is why you get irritated in crowded spaces is another. Analyzing the reasons for your behaviors is the next step in becoming self-aware.

 

Not all behavior analysis should be negative. For example, you may discover that the reason you really enjoy going to a craft store (but never craft or purchase crafting goods) is that it reminds you of your grandmother. Making these types of behavioral connections can be extremely rewarding.

 

As It Relates To Others

 

This area of self-awareness can change your life. Knowing why you react and relate to people the way you do is the final step in being truly self-aware.

 

This can also be the most difficult step in becoming self-aware because it requires you to have gone through the first two steps of the self-awareness work. It also requires you to be 100 percent honest with yourself about how you perceive other people as well as your performance.

 

An example of self-aware behavior in the work place would be seeing your boss behaving indifferently to you after poor performance at an important presentation. Because you are self-aware, you know your performance was bad because you had been sick. You also know it is not an excuse for poor performance. Instead of getting angry with your boss for his indifferent behavior, you accept that there were things that could have gone better during the presentation.

 

A person who is not self-aware, in the same set of circumstances, would likely deny their poor performance. Things would only escalate from there as their inability to see their own shortcomings causes feelings of resentment towards their boss. Now instead of performing better, they perform their duties with resentment towards their boss for the boss’ poor attitude. 

 

The situation can go many different ways depending on the level of self-awareness that everyone involved has. It is only through self-awareness that people can begin to recognize how their role affected the outcome of a situation.