6 Ways to Deal with the Upheaval at Work

If you’ve ever had things fall apart at work, you’re already quite familiar with upheaval at work. It happens every time you get a new boss, or they start making significant policy changes. Though let’s face it, even those small changes in the office can create tension and make it difficult to get things done.

 

Dealing with upheaval at work isn’t hard, though, so long as you keep your head. The next time things get complicated, try these tried-and-true methods to get you back on track.

 

Stop

 

Sometimes the smarted thing you can do in a crisis is absolutely nothing at all. You need to stop and think, as an emotional reaction is going to cost you in the long run. Start by taking several deep breaths and think about what to do next. Not to mention you’ll win some bonus points if management notices you’re the one keeping calm and acting rationally.

 

Stay Positive

 

Getting caught up on the negative isn’t going to help anything. You’ll only spiral down into a cycle of blame and complaints, ending on a lot of finger-pointing or negative self-talk. This is the time to pull out a Pollyanna attitude. Sure, things went wrong, but if you can keep your optimism, you’re more likely to find the opportunity in all of this, which is worlds more productive, not just for you, but for your co-workers as well.

 

Learn from the Situation

 

Speaking of opportunity, any upheaval is fodder for a learning experience if you let it become one. Step back and look at the whole situation rationally. Look for the lessons, and then ask yourself how you can apply them to prevent the next time.

 

Talk to Your Co-Workers

 

At work, you have a rich resource just waiting to be used. Draw on the talents and abilities of those around you. By banding together and brainstorming, you’re more likely to come up with a viable solution than you ever would working alone.

 

Eye on the Prize

 

You have a particular goal in working where you do. Remember this goal now. What can you do at this moment, which will put you back on track toward your goal? How can the upheaval maybe benefit your long-term goal? Now might be the time to act.

 

Expect Disaster

 

Well, of course, things are going to go wrong sometimes. Situations change, and in any workplace, there are many moving parts to keep things going smoothly. By being prepared for the things which could go wrong, you can head off a lot of what might be an upheaval in the making.

 

How to Use 30 Minutes to Stop Worrying

Worry can derail an entire day if you let it. But did you know you had the power to stop it in just 30 minutes of your time, freeing up the rest of the day to really live your life? The answer is more straightforward than you think. 

 

When you become accustomed to worrying, you gain a constant stream of negative feedback and information in your brain. It’s like leaving the TV on to a channel designed to inform you of every worst-case scenario, only personalized to make all those dire predictions all about you.

 

Doesn’t sound like much fun, does it?

 

But by designating 30 minutes every day for worrying and allowing yourself to worry only during those 30 minutes, you gain back your day and your life simultaneously. 

 

You start by setting a ‘worry time.’ Once you have this half-hour firmly in place (put it on your calendar if you need to), you can start kicking every worrying thought to the curb. You tell it, ‘later.” and then refuse to let it near you again until it’s your designated worry break.

 

How do you do this? Try these quick steps:

 

Pick a Time

 

Grab a half hour when you’re not going to be busy. Be careful not to pick one too near bedtime, though, as it might interfere with your ability to sleep.

 

Become Conscious of Your Thoughts

 

Every time you have a worrying thought, tell it to go away until later. If it helps, jot the worry down somewhere, so you have a list to look at during your break.

 

Use a Timer

 

Worries can very quickly take over as much time as you give to them. By setting your timer to 30 minutes, you’re keeping control of just how much time you’re going to spend worrying.

 

Record Your Thoughts

 

Either write down your worries as you think about them, or if you like, journal about your thoughts during this time. Be as detailed as you like. This might also be an excellent time to examine your worries, to figure out if there’s a recurring pattern or theme. Dig down into the heart of what’s really troubling you.

 

Stop When the Timer Goes Off 

 

At the end of 30 minutes, you’re done. Any new worries now have to wait until tomorrow. Close the journal, throw away the paper, do what you need to close off the worrying for the day.

 

Repeat

 

Do every one of these steps every single day for at least two weeks. Why? Because it takes time to form a habit, which is what you’re really trying to do here. 

 

In the end, you’ll be amazed at how much freer you feel when you realize you don’t have to worry all day long. You’ll sleep better at night and be much more productive during the day. Not bad for an investment of only half an hour.

Don't Let Disagreement Ruin a Relationship

Relationships are never easy, and, likely, you and your partner don't agree on everything under the sun. This is natural, and every couple deals with this. However, you want to be careful not to let disagreements ruin your relationship. So, what is the best way to keep this from happening? 

 

Don’t Avoid Arguments

 

When you know you and your partner don't agree on something, it can sometimes seem like a good idea to avoid the argument completely. For example, your partner will ask if something is okay with you and because you don't want to upset them with an argument - you lie and say you are feeling fine. This lying is not the solution because now your partner has false information about the relationship that they may use to make future decisions. These decisions will only cause future problems rather than just answering honestly and resolving the issue right now.

 

Never Let Your Agreements Get Personal

 

You've seen it in a million TV shows, the couple is arguing over who needs to do the dishes, and then one of the parties brings up an unrelated incident that happened months before that they are still upset about. Getting too personal transforms the argument into an attack of the person's character and makes it much worse than just the incident at hand. When this happens in an argument with your partner, you must realize that this is no longer a constructive argument and needs to end before someone's feelings are hurt. 

 

Agree to Disagree

 

Suppose you notice that an argument between you and your partner is beginning to escalate to the point where someone could say something that hurts the other person's feelings or could damage the relationship permanently. In that case, it's time to agree to disagree. 

 

Despite what people may think, agreeing to disagree is a resolution to an argument. And by employing it in an argument you are having with your partner, it is the same as saying you respect their opinion, but you will never see the same way, so you respect them enough to stop arguing before someone gets hurt. 

 

Overall, it can be difficult not to let a disagreement ruin a relationship. But if it’s a relationship worth fighting for, then always remember not to avoid arguments, don’t let them ever get personal, and agree to disagree if you come to a point where there is no other resolution to the argument at hand. 

 

How Can I Be More Supportive To My Friends?

Sometimes it can be difficult as an adult to know how to support your friends. And honestly, there is no one way for you to support all of your friends. The support you should show to your friends will vary widely on their personality and their unique situation. Below are some of the most common ways you can show support to your loved ones. 

 

Make Time For Them

 

As humans grow and change, they tend to have less and less time for their friends. This is why, when you make time for your friends, it shows that you truly do love and support them. This doesn’t mean you have to clear your calendar, but maybe you invite friends along to certain activities or cancel that one thing you don’t need to do so you and a friend can grab a quick coffee after work. 

 

Listen

 

You’ve heard it time and time again, but listening is truly the best way to support anyone who may be in your life. Humans need to let go of their emotions through communication. And sometimes, just listening is enough to make the person who is venting feel supported in their endeavors. 

 

Push Them And Celebrate Their Achievements

 

Whatever your friend may be pursuing, if they confide in you that they need your help, now is the time for you to give them a little push! Maybe they are tired and don’t want to go to the gym. You could offer to go with them or help remind them of a goal they made. And when they get out of bed and complete the task they felt they couldn’t do, you should be celebrating this achievement with them. You may be surprised at how far a simple “good job” can go! And if they conquer a big goal, you should make an effort and offer to celebrate with them! After all, a true friend is ecstatic when their friends may big steps in life!

 

As you age, it can become increasingly difficult to know how to support your friends. But don’t fret, as long as you make time for them, listen, and then help push them towards their accomplishments, this will help them feel supported! And if they accomplish something big, you should be just as happy for them as you would be for yourself, as this will truly show your support for all of their endeavors in life. 

5 Things I Learned From Overcoming Conflict

Conflicts are a normal part of life and they tend to happen in virtually every setting. Oftentimes, we avoid conflicts because they make us tense and anxious.

 

They bring up a lot of self-doubt and discomfort, which typically results in raised voices, increased heart rate, and saying things we don’t really mean.

 

Even worse, it leads to feelings getting hurt and, sometimes, to relationships being destroyed. No wonder we hate conflicts!

 

That’s why learning how to resolve conflicts peacefully can be life-changing. In fact, the more we expose ourselves to conflicts, the better we handle any situation, which helps us become more resilient.

 

So, to help you address conflicts the right way, here are five things I learned from overcoming conflict.

 

Teaches Us to Respect Other Viewpoints

 

The reason there’s a conflict in the first person is that there are two opposing viewpoints. But most times neither side gets heard properly, which leads to an altercation, even escalating to major problems.

 

This is why negotiations are so important, even if you’re confronting a loved one. It shows that we’re willing to be flexible and more open to accept the other person’s opinions.

 

That doesn’t mean you have to agree with them. It just means you have to be willing to learn how to be prepared to accept them and move on.

 

Gives Us a Chance to Verbalize Our Needs

 

People often take for granted who we are as individuals, even those closest to us. This stems from our lack of verbalizing what it is we want or need.

 

So, we carry grudges and bottle everything inside until we can’t take it anymore. That’s when conflicts arise.

 

The best thing you can do for yourself is to look at conflicts as an opportunity. It gives you the chance to voice your opinions and share your feelings. As a result, you become less fearful of asking for what you need.

 

Improves Our Communication Skills

 

Being a good communicator requires patience and self-control. As with most things in life, the more you practice good communication skills, the better you become.

 

And the best way to practice is through confrontations, no matter how hard they may seem. Yet, you have to look beyond the fear and be willing to share our thoughts and feelings in a calm, collected way.

 

You’ll quickly realize that the right words just flow out. So, when the need arises, you can prepare for what lies ahead.

 

Makes Us Better Listeners

 

The key to overcoming conflicts is to be a better listener. Many times we're so focused on what we’re going to say next that we don’t really pay attention to what the other person is saying.

 

That’s not the way to successfully win an argument or resolve a conflict.

 

To do that, you have to learn how to do things. First, you have to control your impulse to react and blurt out things haphazardly.

 

The second thing is to learn how to actively listen when someone talks to you. It’s through listening that you can gain a better understanding of the speaker, which enables you to make smarter, wiser choices.

 

Opens Our Eyes to New Ideas

 

One of the ways conflicts can be a useful tool is by allowing you to fine-tune your opinions and ideas. As different thoughts are expressed, how you look at things changes slightly.

 

When you hear someone talking about their viewpoint with regards to a certain topic, you can’t help but clarify your own. You either start modifying your opinion, or you become even more convinced of yours.

 

A third option is to take part of your ideas and part of theirs and come up with a whole new concept!

 

That’s the beauty of conflicts. They allow you to generate new ideas and mold new perspectives.

 

Then, when you realize there are more similarities than differences, you forge a bond. This bond leads the way to establishing trust and enhancing networking. Case in point, it just makes both sides better human beings.

 

Are Emotional Vampires Draining You Dry?

Is your energy constantly being drained by emotional vampires? The people around us affect how we feel and view the world. There are plenty of reasons why some people may drain your energy more than others. You could be dealing with a narcissist, or someone who complains most of the time.

 

If you have an emotional vampire draining you dry, it’s time to start protecting your energy. Below, you’ll discover how to recognize the signs of an emotional vampire, and the best ways to protect your energy.

 

Understanding The Different Types of Emotional Vampires

 

Emotional vampires come in a variety of forms. They include:

 

• Victims

• Narcissists

• Constant talkers

• Controllers

• Drama queens

 

Each type of emotional vampire will leave you feeling tired and deflated after being in their company. Victim emotional vampires are the people who always play the victim, even when they are the perpetrator. Narcissists are only interested in their own thoughts and feelings, while constant talkers drain your mental energy. 

 

Most of us know at least one type of emotional vampire in our lives. Not sure how to identify them? There are a few signs to watch out for…

 

Tell-Tale Signs You Are Dealing with An Emotional Vampire

 

There are several tell-tale signs that can help you decide if you’re dealing with an emotional vampire. The main signs to watch out for include:

• You feel mentally exhausted after spending time with them.

• You feel depressed or anxious around them.

• You feel like they are putting you down.

• You turn to comfort eating or drinking alcohol after being around them.

 

Everyone who encounters an emotional vampire will feel at least one of the things above. You basically don’t feel great when you spend time with them.

 

Protecting Your Energy

 

If you are dealing with an emotional vampire, how can you stop them from draining your energy? The good news is there are strategies you can use to deal with them. 

 

First, if you can, you should distance yourself from the person. Avoiding being around an emotional vampire is the best way to stop them negatively impacting you. However, this isn’t always possible. 

 

If you can’t distance yourself, make sure you are practicing self-care. Taking care of yourself will allow you to feel more confident to set healthy boundaries. You will naturally be more assertive and protective over your time. So, if you don’t already, set aside time every day to focus on you. Pamper yourself, take care of your own needs first, and watch how your energy and tolerance changes for negative people.

 

If you are really struggling to handle an emotional vampire in your life, you can also turn to therapy. Seeking help from a professional will enable you to understand why you can’t deal with the problem, as well as provide solutions that can help.

 

Emotional vampires are everywhere today. It isn’t always possible to get away from them immediately, but there are things you can do in the meantime to protect yourself and your energy.

 

Criticism Is Not Always Meant to Be Negative

Do you struggle to handle criticism? While some criticism does come from a negative place, most of the time it is meant with love and good intentions. Unfortunately, even if the person criticizing you is coming from a good place, it can still hurt. If you struggle to handle criticism, here we’ll look at why it isn’t always a negative thing. 

 

Differentiating Between Negative and Positive Criticism

 

There are a few ways to determine whether criticism is coming from a positive or negative place. It could be that you naturally respond badly to criticism of any kind. Many people are naturally defensive when they are met with criticism. So, the first step is to tame that initial negative reaction. 

 

Try and view the criticism with an open mind. Remember, none of us are perfect! Could there be any truth in what the person is saying? Also pay attention to how the criticism is delivered. Do they give a reason for their feedback, or does it appear that they are nit-picking just to be difficult?

 

Criticism can come from a negative place, but often it is said to help us improve. Being able to recognize when somebody is being helpful, or just negative, is important.

 

The Role of Self-Esteem 

 

Your self-esteem will largely determine how you react to criticism. The more confident you are, the less likely criticism is to affect you. Those who have a healthy dose of self-esteem will be able to learn from any criticism they receive without taking it too personally. 

 

Think about your own self-esteem. Could it use some improvement? If so, focus on ways to build up your self-esteem and you’ll notice this has a direct impact on your ability to handle criticism. You’ll find a lot of awesome self-esteem building tips online. 

 

Top Tips to Deal with People Who Criticize Instead of Critique

 

We’ve all been criticized when what we needed was an honest critique, with positive and negative points. As you work on building up your self-esteem, there are some other tips you can implement to deal with overly critical or negative people. 

 

Staying calm is important. You may find when you are met with criticism, your initial reaction is anger. However, if you express anger, it isn’t going to help the situation. In fact, it could work in your critic’s favor! Remaining calm gives, you the ability to fully understand where the criticism is coming from and enables you to deal with it much better.

 

If the problems are coming from your boss, try and get to the bottom of where the feedback is coming from. If you feel it is still unjust, ask to speak to somebody higher up in the company. Sometimes we need an outsiders view to see what is really happening.

 

Overall, criticism is never nice to deal with. However, it isn’t always meant as a negative. Some criticism can help you to grow and become a better person. So, don’t be quick to dismiss any criticism thrown your way. Think about it with an open mind and decide whether there is something to be learned. 

 

5 Signs You’re In An Abusive Relationship

 

There’s a common misconception about anyone in an abusive relationship. People think that it’s easy for the abused to know they’re in a bad situation. People assume it’s easy to move away from the abuser and start a whole new life.

 

Sadly, that’s far from the truth. Before we begin our article, there’s something important you have to remember. Abuse is all about manipulation and power.

 

Read on to find out whether or not you’re in an abusive relationship.

 

Signs You’re in an Abusive Relationship

 

Abusers are known for placing the blame on their victims. They create confusion and guilt, which they hide behind things like ‘protection’ or ‘playfulness.’

 

Does this feel like something you, or someone you love, are experiencing? If you answered yes, you have to realize this isn’t how a normal relationship should be.

Read the signs below. If you recognize any of them, it’s time to take action.

 

5. You Feel Pressured to Do Things

 

We all know the age-old love story of two people seeing each other’s eyes from a distance. Somehow, they know they’re meant for one another, and they can’t wait for their relationship to start.

 

An abusive relationship has traits very similar to that of this whirlwind romance. In the beginning, you’ll notice that an abusive partner is sweet and considerate. They’ll have plenty of nice things to say that make you feel like you’re special and truly in love.

 

You may feel that the words are nice, but they usually have a concealed urgency. This urgency is their way of gaining control over you as quickly as possible.

 

Do you feel like you’re getting pressured to start a relationship, get married, or have children? This can be a telltale sign you’re in an abusive relationship.

 

4. You’re Always in the Center of Their Impulsive Mood Swings

 

Mood swings are natural. We all have them for one reason or another.

 

What’s not normal is having to endure abrupt mood swings that come out of nowhere. Your partner may be sitting there all calm and nice. Then something triggers them off. They become insulting and furious for no reason.

 

After a few minutes, they return to their calm self. Not only that but they’re apologetic and swear to you they were only joking. These minute-to-minute changes in behavior create confusion and guilt.

 

There are two things to remember when you’re in a similar situation. One, this isn’t normal behavior. Two, this isn’t your fault in any way.

 

It’s important that you’re aware early on that this is dangerous territory. This is the time to take a step back and evaluate whether you want to continue with this person or not.

 

3. You Constantly Get Blamed for

 

Abusers accuse their victims of anything and everything that doesn’t go their way. They usually throw out accusations and blame without any thought or planning. As a victim, you get used to hearing these accusations on a regular basis. Soon, you begin believing it to be true.

 

Take note of whether this happens to you in your relationship. If you notice it happening often, you have to put an end to it.

 

Another thing you have to pay attention to is whether your partner keeps tabs on you. Do they want to know you are at every moment of the day? While it’s nice to have that kind of harmless attention, it’s a dangerous pothole to fall into.

 

2. You’re Made to Feel Isolated

 

One type of control abusers have is to keep you away from your family and friends. They give excuses like, “They’re meddlers” or “They’re trying to break us up.”

 

The whole point of doing this is that they want to make you feel isolated. They want you to feel dependent on them and only them.

 

Another way they isolate you is by gaining control of your credit cards or bank accounts. Or maybe you can’t go where you want without their permission.

 

All these force you to rely only on your partner. This gives them more and more power over you while making you feel less and less in control of your life.

 

Isolation in all its forms is dangerous and should be dealt with promptly.

 

1. You’re in a Constant State of Fear

 

Abusers will rely on intimidation tactics to frighten you. This keeps abuse victims are always in a state of dread and uneasiness. You’re scared of upsetting your partner, or that could insult you, or even humiliated in public. Then, there’s the fear of being physically assaulted.

 

Fear comes in varying degrees. It can even take a toll on your physical and mental health simply by eating away at your self-confidence.

 

It’s worth noting that even if your partner hasn’t physically abused you in any way, just being fearful is a bad sign. Fear shouldn’t be part of any healthy.

 

A Final Note

 

It’s not uncommon for abuse victims to play down the severity of the situation they’re in. Their abusive partners have drilled into their subconscious that they’re powerless and worthless. They wear down their self-esteem, until they truly believe everything is their fault.

 

If these five signs sound familiar, tell yourself that this behavior isn’t acceptable. You don’t have to put up with any of it.

 

That’s the first step. The second step is to try and salvage the relationship. Give your partner a chance to own up to their negative behavior. They could have it in them to change for the better.

 

If they fail to do so, it’s time to walk away. That may sound easier said than done, which is why reaching out to friends or professionals for support can help you make this transition more smoothly. By getting the right advice and having a reliable plan, you can feel safer about finding a way out.

 

Body Language: 20 Real-Life Tips To Help You Control Your Body Language (Infographic)

5 Places to Find Friends as an Adult

When did everything get so hard? 

 

Somewhere along the way, we grew up. Life started getting bogged down with responsibilities and plans for the future. While much of this is exciting, what happens all too often as we start laying aside our childhood, is we unintentionally put aside our innate ability to make friends easily.

 

Don’t believe me? Think back to when a trip to the playground ended in a ‘new best friend’ after about 20 minutes of sharing the swings with a stranger. Now ask yourself, when is the last time you connected that quickly with someone new?

 

The problem is, adult friendships are crucial, not just to our mental well-being, but to our physical health as well. It’s been proven that having friends leads to less stress, less chance of heart disease, and longer life.

 

But where do we find these new friends? 

 

Try an App

 

Hey!VINA works much like a dating app, but with one very significant difference. Here the goal is to find someone with like interests you may want to befriend. A quick swipe of your finger starts a conversation, leading to a connection and eventually, friendship.

 

Try a Meetup

 

Looking for some fun group activities in your area? Meetup.com is easy to use on your computer, tablet, or phone. Here you search for events of interest to you. You’re then presented with a variety of groups who like to engage in those activities, giving yourself a chance to meet several interesting people at once.

 

Learn Something

 

Signing up for a class allows you to indulge in a new interest at the same time as meeting someone new. Always wanted to cook gourmet dinners? Been thinking about taking flying lessons? Whatever interests you, this is a surefire way to meet new people.

 

Grab a Book

 

Your local library or independent bookstore is a great place to indulge a love of reading while at the same time, getting to know someone new. Book clubs stimulate you intellectually and introduce you to people in the community who share a love for the written word.

 

Take a Walk with a Furry Friend

 

If you have a dog, why not explore more than your own backyard? By taking Fido to your local dog park, you’ll have an opportunity to meet other dog lovers, while at the same time, giving your faithful friend a chance for a little puppy socialization. This is a win all around!

 

Meeting people doesn’t have to be complicated. Opportunities truly are everywhere. So be bold and try something new. You’ll be glad you did!

 

5 Reasons Why Adult Friendships are so Important

Why is it we never put enough emphasis on the important things in life? Are we really that busy?

 

Sadly, we tell ourselves precisely that. In fact, studies have shown we’re not taking the time for friends like we used to. According to a survey taken in the 1980s, the average adult had a minimum of three friends they were close to. Thirty years later, the same study came out with some chilling news. As many as one in four people claim to have no friends at all.

 

Why is it we don’t enjoy adult friendships? Could it be we’ve somehow gotten the idea they’re really not necessary? This is absolutely not the case. In fact, below, you will find five reasons why adult friends are crucial to your life and your good health. 

 

Friends Give Necessary Support

 

We’re not meant to go it alone. We need friends to act as everything from cheerleaders to a shoulder to cry on. 

 

Friends Teach Us How to Act

 

How do we conduct ourselves? If you’re socially awkward, it might be because no one taught you specific social skills critical to success. Friends are where we learn those skills. It’s with friends that we practice, finding out both what’s acceptable and what’s not. What’s more, friends help us get out of the ruts we fall into and challenge us to try social situations we might not otherwise consider.

 

Friends Give Us a Reality Check

 

Who else but a friend is going to tell you when you’re lying to yourself or wandering down the wrong path entirely? This kind of tough love is what keeps us from disaster and guides us away from the pitfalls of life.

 

Couple Friendships Guide Our Own Relationships

 

Not everyone was blessed with parents who modeled good relationship skills. Having “couple friends” is where we form our impressions of how couples in romantic relationships interact. It’s from these relationships we learn how to balance things like work and romance and how to handle the parenting component. Being able to talk to other couples about challenges unique to this kind of relationship also gives a much-needed place to learn.

 

Friendships are Good for Your Health

 

Studies have shown people who sustain healthy friendships live longer and enjoy a better quality of life. People who regularly spend time with friends are shown to adopt healthier lifestyles, experience fewer physical ailments such as heart disease, and have fewer issues with dementia as they age.

 

In short, adult friendships are an important part of your life and worth exploring. Now is not the time to hold back. Get out there, meet people, and discover all that life has to offer. Making time for friendships should be a priority for all adults.