Are your Toxic Friends Lowering Your Self-Esteem?

Do you have toxic friends? Are there people in your friendship group that seem to be intent on bringing you down instead of lifting you up? Your toxic friends can be damaging to your health and your self-esteem. 

 

How can you tell if a friend is toxic?

 

• Do they focus on your weaknesses or bad points, even if it’s “only joking?”

• Do they criticize your clothes, appearance, choices or actions?

• Do they let you down, like “forgetting” to show up for dates?

• Do they borrow money, but don’t pay it back?

• Do they try and pressure you into doing things when you don’t want to?

• Do they always talk about themselves and their problems and never about yours?

• Do they talk up their lives, but are negative or dismissive about yours?

• Do you have to make all the organizing for trips, dinners, or even just staying in touch?

• Are they happy and celebrate your successes? Or do they snipe or criticize? 

• Do they stand you up, even if you organized that vacation, dinner, or party months ago?

 

If someone is continually telling you that you need to lose weight, or you’ll never get a good job or write that book, they are not your friend. If they borrow money or your car or your clothes, they are subliminally (and not very subtly) telling you that you’re not worth much at all. If they treat you like a doormat, sooner or later you’ll come to believe you’re a doormat. 

 

Toxic friends are holding up a distorting mirror - showing you a negative reflection that is not you - it’s a part of them. But this reflection can undermine your self-esteem and leave you feeling powerless. You don’t need that in your life. 

 

Friends are supposed to add to your life, to make you feel good, to be there for you when times are tough, to support you, and celebrate the good times. Toxic friends continually let you down and undermine you. Bad friendships can affect your physical and mental health, leading to high blood pressure, lower immunity, depression, and anxiety. Research has shown that supportive friendships can boost your immune system and people with good friends even live longer!

 

So, take a look at the so-called friends who don’t make you feel good about yourself and decide whether you want them in your life or not. You can choose to let them fade out of your life, allowing more time to make real friends. 

 

6 Things You Can Do Right Now to Change Your Life and Stop Worrying

Worry gets in to all the crevices of our lives. We worry about our jobs, our kids, our relationships, money, and a million other things every single day. It’s no wonder we feel like we’re not getting things done the way we’d like.

 

Thankfully, it doesn’t have to be this way. To change your life and stop worrying, ask yourself these quick questions:

 

What Are You Really Worried About?

 

Many times, worry is a mask for something else entirely. A hard look and some pointed questions might be necessary to get to the heart of the matter. On the other hand, once you have a clear understanding of what the real issue is, it’s easier to address the problem and stamp out the worry completely.

 

Is This Even Possible?

 

Worry inflates everything to monster proportions. If your worry seems slightly ridiculous, it probably is. Take a step back and ask yourself just how likely this outcome is. Worry can’t stand up under this kind of scrutiny.

 

Is This Something I can Control?

 

We’re very good at worrying about something we can’t change. Seriously, what difference does it make if it snows tomorrow? Nothing we do can keep the flakes from falling. Accept sometimes you’re just going to have to go with the flow and adapt to the circumstances.

 

Does this Affect Me Today?

 

Worries about the future can really derail your life today. If you’re worried about something far off, it’s time to take a step back. Ask yourself a fundamental follow-up question if you’re concerned about the future: “Is there something I can do today that will prevent this outcome tomorrow?” If so, now you have a plan of action. Get to it!

 

Am I Spending Too Much Time?

 

Obsessive worry doesn’t help anyone. If you find yourself circling back to the same concern over and over, you might need help breaking out of this cycle. Consider talking to someone, such as a good friend or even a counselor or trained professional, to help you break out of this vicious cycle.

 

Why Do I Care What Others Think?

 

If you’re worried about the opinions of others, why? If you’re concerned about impressing your boss, there are better ways to do this than worrying. More often than not, though, you’re going to find most people’s opinions really don’t matter. Don’t let them get to you.

 

Once you have the answers to these questions, you’ll find it’s easy to get your thoughts back on track. Worry becomes a thing of the past when we’re mindful of it, and don’t let it become obsessive. Imagine the difference a life without so much worry will make.

6 Ways to Deal with Naysayers and Crush Your Goals

Taking a leap of faith for yourself is an already daunting and challenging path. Naysayers or Negative Nancy’s only make the journey that much more difficult. You do not need their pessimism, nor do you have to deal with it. There are several ways to deal with these individuals so you can move past them and crush your goals.

 

1. Distance Yourself from the Negative

 

If possible, put space between those individuals and your goals. Continually listening to doubt will eventually manifest into challenging yourself. If you cannot distance yourself from a naysayer, have an honest conversation with them. Explain that you don’t have to have their support, but their discouragement is not welcome. Be polite but firm.

 

2. Bolster Yourself with Support

 

Once you have pushed away the negative, bring in the support. Surrounding yourself with people that believe in your goals will allow you to be yourself and unapologetically go after what you want. The support you receive from others will act as reassurance on the path you are taking, and they will help pick you up when times are tough.

 

3. No Justification Necessary

 

You do not have to justify yourself, your goals, or the path you are taking to anyone. Everyone is different, no two people live identical lives or achieve their goals in the same ways. If someone questions you, simply say, “This is what I choose.”

 

4. Don’t Share

 

If you know someone you will need to be around think you are crazy for going after your goal in a big way, don’t give them ammunition. Avoid talking about your plans around them. If they try to bring it up, take the conversation another direction.

 

5. Turn Doubt into Motivation

 

If someone doubts you, use their doubt as motivation. Maybe that means making a wager or promising yourself that you’ll prove him or her wrong. Either way, do not let the uncertainty of others weigh you down. Most likely, what they think really doesn’t matter.

 

6. Embrace Solitude and Reflection

 

Keeping up the hustle to achieve your goals can be a lonely path sometimes. Give yourself downtime to reflect on your goals, how far you have come, and re-evaluate your plan of action. This quiet time will also fill your cup and let new ideas and motivation form.

 

Naysayers are everywhere in life. They are in your family, at work, and maybe even your friend group. This does not mean that you need to spend your life working within the parameters of their beliefs. You can move beyond their negativity and crush your goals with relentless willpower. 

5 Examples Of Social Anxiety

Social anxiety disorder, also known as social phobia, affects around 6.8 million adults in the U.S. Still, many people struggle with this condition. They are not officially diagnosed by a mental health care provider, according to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). 

 

NIMH states that this anxiety disorder can be mild to moderate and sometimes only lasts several hours. It can be long-lasting, preventing you from participating in everyday activities and relationships with others.

 

SAD can be defined as excessive worry and nervousness about social situations and interactions with other people that impact an individual’s ability to function. 

 

Although this condition may seem common, many people don’t understand what it means to have social anxiety or how it manifests itself in day-to-day life. Here are five examples of social anxiety and how you can learn from them to shed light on this topic.

 

1. Speaking in public

 

Public speaking is a common fear, and it's not surprising that it causes social anxiety. Many people fear public speaking because they don't want to be judged and scrutinized by an audience. 

 

These feelings often lead to physical symptoms like increased heart rate and sweaty palms. Speaking in front of a small group or an individual may seem less daunting than presenting in front of hundreds of people. It's important for those with this fear to realize that most audiences have members who feel anxious before making their presentations.

 

2. Going out with friends

 

Going out with friends is an event that can trigger social anxiety. However, this experience doesn't have to be a terrible one. With the right mindset, you can make it a positive experience. Below are a few ways to help manage this anxiety: 

 

• Make your expectations realistic. 

• Plan and know what to expect. 

• Practice what you'll say beforehand to feel more confident when meeting new people.

• Bring a friend or someone you know who's been there before to help introduce you. 

• Arrive early so you don't feel rushed.

 

3. Talking on the phone

 

Phone conversations are one of the most common triggers for people with social anxiety. Feeling anxious about talking on the phone typically stems from a fear that the person on the other end will be judging you. 

 

It's important to remember that this is not always the case and that they may have a similar experience or understanding of what you are going through.

 

Think about why it might bother you to talk on the phone: 

 

• What does it mean if someone calls? 

• What are you afraid might happen when someone calls? 

• Why do those thoughts make you feel uneasy? 

• How does it make your body feel when these thoughts come up? 

• What would need to happen for those thoughts to stop bothering you?

 

4. Meeting new people

 

When meeting new people, it is important to be able to start a conversation confidently.

 

If you are too anxious to do so, try one of these techniques:

 

• Ask the person their name and tell them yours. 

• Compliment the person on their appearance or wearing something. 

• Tell them how much you enjoy their work.

• Bring up an interest in common that you share with the person, such as sports or music.

• The next time you see this person, remember what you talked about so you can pick up where your last conversation left off.

 

5. Ordering food at restaurants

 

If ordering food at a restaurant, you may feel intimidated and scared. Why? You're not sure what to say or how to act. You want the person taking your order to like you, and you're terrified they won't. 

 

You worry that the way your voice sounds is unattractive, that you don't sound smart enough, or that they'll think your voice is annoying. The anxiety that occurs when eating in public: Eating in public can be stressful for someone with social anxiety. It's hard to eat while ensuring no one looks, talks too much, or is too quiet.

 

Final thoughts

 

Social anxiety can make a person feel self-conscious, embarrassed, and even experience panic. It is important to remember that social anxiety is a common condition that many people experience at one time or another. 

 

While it is not easy to deal with, there are ways to overcome social anxiety and improve your quality of life. Remembering these five examples of social anxiety may help you deal with it better in the future.

Why Lifelong Learning Leads to Success

Whether personally or professionally, success is something that people strive to achieve their entire lives. Since success looks different for everyone, finding it can be a challenge that you can only overcome through hard work. In a world that is constantly changing at an incredible pace, becoming a lifelong learner can boost your chances of success.

 

Builds Your Skillset

 

The more skills you have, the better chance you have to become and stay employed when it comes to the workplace. Discovering new learning opportunities is the key to increasing your skillset.

 

If you are a lifelong learner, you can increase your level of knowledge and skills to the point where you are more marketable to future employers. In addition, if you are already employed, your potential for advancement is more likely if you take the time to learn new skills.

 

It is important to keep in mind that you should continue pursuing knowledge even if you get promoted to a significant position. This is especially true in a marketplace where things change so rapidly.

 

Increases Your Ability to Communicate

 

Communication is a key factor in creating the success you desire in your personal or professional life. This is because it allows you to send information out into the world and understand the world around you.

 

If you are a lifelong learner, you tend to gain knowledgeable information about various topics that you can then communicate effectively with others. Being seen as a source of valuable information is a trait that many successful people hold.

 

Good communication effectively comes from having confidence in various areas of interest. Additionally, when you are familiar with a topic, you will convey the information so that people will understand and can apply it directly.

 

Creates Opportunities

 

If you ask most people why they are not taking risks in either their personal or professional lives, they will probably say they are afraid of failing. This is especially true in the world that is moving at lightning speed.

 

Lifelong learning creates opportunities that you might not have had the opportunity to partake in prior. This is because by acquiring new knowledge and skills, you may seek out new career opportunities.

 

Employers are typically looking for people that have versatile abilities that will, in turn, be better for the bottom line of the company. People who are willing to continuously learn new skills are extremely attractive to businesses.

 

Overall, understanding that lifelong learning leads to success is vital for anyone wanting to boost their success. Taking the time to learn new things is a sure-fire way to show others that you are a great resource for knowledge.

 

We Often Learn Too Late That Priorities Are Important

What's the most important commodity in your life? It's time. You can never get back any time you wasted or spent inappropriately. A lot of us beat ourselves up when we think about all the time we've wasted in our past.

 

That's okay, as long as we've learned our lesson. It's a shame this isn't something that's taught early in life. Your parents might have told you as a child that you need to have a list of priorities. That probably didn't mean anything to you at the time. You were young and had your whole life ahead of you.

 

Then you blinked your eyes and winded up far removed from your childhood. You've got several decades behind you as an adult. You regret not having paid attention to priorities over the years.

 

You know that what you prioritize highly gets the most of your attention. This happens subconsciously and consciously. The person who prioritizes becoming wealthy above all other things is very likely to achieve that goal. His relationships may suffer, unless he places them high up on his list of priorities as well.

 

Have You Written down Your Priorities?

 

You don't have to do this with pen and paper. You can use your smartphone or your computer. That way you'll always have your list of priorities available. By the way, this should be something you review constantly. You're an entirely different person now than when you were younger. You're going to be a different person in a few years in so many ways.

 

This means you should constantly check your list of priorities and see if you've got them in the right order.

 

At the top of your list you want to jot down the things that are most important to you. When you first do this, don't worry about misspelling words or making complete sentences. You just want to get your thoughts down on paper. Prioritize the top 10 things in your life. These are your values. They are the things that are important to you.

 

When you're finished, rank them. Put your most important value or goal at the top. Look at the list. What do you think? What are you going to spend the most time on? 

 

Can you make a plan to spend more time and effort on priority number one than number five? That's what you should do, because your highest priority is the thing in life that is of the utmost importance to you.

 

Repeat the Process for the Next Few Days

 

Do the same thing again tomorrow. You want to do this because things may pop into your head that you didn't think about. You might think that won't happen with goals or values that are super important to you. Believe us when we say that it does. When you go through this exercise for three or four days in a row, you'll have a very clear picture of the things that are important in your life.

 

Then you can move forward with more focus and productivity. It's a shame this isn't taught to children. When it is taught, young people are so busy with so many things that they might forget the lesson. No matter where you are in life right now, take this to heart. Your actions create your reality and priorities can help you decide what receives the most action in your life.

 

10 Easy Ways to Develop a Lifelong Learning Habit

If you were to develop one skill to help you to get ahead in all aspects of life, what would it be?

 

Studies have shown that by far, the best advantage you can give yourself is to become a lifelong learner. Why? Because without learning, the mind stagnates.

 

Thankfully, becoming a lifelong learner isn’t hard. Below are ten easy ways to build a habit of learning that will serve you in years to come.

 

Commit

 

Unless you make lifelong learning a priority, you’re not going to enjoy success. You start with committing to change and then go from there.

 

Create a Personalized Learning Environment

 

True learning results when you take charge of your learning environment. Sit down with your mentor and make concrete goals. Set up a system that enables you to learn and a setting in which you can learn. Once you have this, you are truly ready to begin.

 

Read

 

Read books, magazines, news articles, academic journals, and anything that catches your attention. If it’s interesting to you, then it’s worth perusing. 

 

Keep a List

 

Have a question? Write it down. Come back to this list later and Google the answers. Let this become the jumping off point for learning new things.

 

Create

 

Create a project out of one of the things you find interesting. Set goals, give a timeline, and a final deadline to complete it. Invite others to take part in your project with you. You learn so much more when you collaborate. Create milestones and celebrate each one on your road to completion.

 

Socialize

 

Hang out with smart people who also enjoy learning. These will become your encouragers and mentors along the way.

 

Become a Mentor Yourself

 

We all have something we’re good at and could teach. Your particular skill set might be what someone else needs to succeed. By getting involved in mentoring, you find yourself not only cementing the knowledge you already have but learning new things as well.

 

Try Different Learning Styles

 

If you’ve always thought of yourself as one kind of learner, try a new way to learn. You’ll stimulate your brain in new and exciting ways.

 

Study with Others

 

When you work with a group, it’s generally easier to learn as you can draw upon the base of shared knowledge. That, in turn, helps you to discover new things yourself.

 

Seek out a Job that Encourages Lifelong Learning 

 

The final step toward lifelong learning is to find work where you are encouraged to learn new things, and which continually challenges you.

 

Remember, building habits that lead to lifelong learning rely on repetition. Engage in these activities as often as possible, making them a part of every single day if you can, for optimal success.

 

Life Coaches Can Help You Deal with Adversity

When you discover a good life coach, they can help you with several aspects of your life. They will show you methods to overcome aspects of your life that are holding you back. They can also help you when you face adverse situations and can give you the guidance you need to help you pick up the pieces and get back on track.

 

They may start by teaching you to be positive and use techniques such as affirmations to retrain your brain to think positive thoughts. That is one of the biggest means to deal with adverse situations. It won’t prevent you from dealing with them, but it will help you focus on what is important. You need to practice these affirmations for them to be effective. It’s not a casual exercise that you do whenever the mood strikes. Make it a daily habit. Your mentor will know if you are not practicing them.

 

Prepare for your life coach to be truthful. The truth hurts, but it may be what you need to get past your situation. When you get caught up in blaming others and not taking responsibility, they will be quick to point this out to you. A good coach will present it in such a way that you will come to the conclusions yourself. And that makes it easier for you to accept and counter the action.

 

When you decide to use a life coach, don’t blame them if it doesn’t work out. That is, of course, assuming you chose a qualified coach. It’s not difficult to find a good coach if you take the right steps. Ask friends and family. Do a bit of digging to learn about their background.

 

Coaches are going to encourage you to step outside your comfort zone. Most coaches will use this to help the people they coach break away from bad habits and form new ones. It is called a comfort zone for a reason. It will be awkward, and at times, you may get angry at their suggestions. 

 

If the adversity you are dealing with is from the result of a traumatic experience, a life coach may not be qualified to handle such a deep situation. In this case, seek out a professional who has qualified in that area. You can still choose to use the life coach for other aspects of your development.

 

Why Is Mentorship Important?

Maybe you've been struggling a bit in life, and a friend or family member has suggested that you try out a mentor. You might be hesitant, wondering why a mentor is even important. But mentorship is important for several of the following reasons. 

 

Mentors Provide Knowledge

 

No matter who you are or what field you are in, you don't know everything there is to know. Even if your mentor is on the same level as you academically, they may have knowledge different from yours that could help you achieve goals both on the job and off. Having a mentor can also help shorten the growth curve when you take on a new project or set an ambitious goal. 

 

Mentors Can See Things You Can’t

 

One of the most difficult things in life can be clearly seeing yourself or your journey. A mentor can help with this since they can provide feedback about things you are doing from a third-party outsider's perspective. This can give you a valuable leap ahead when competing for a competitive position or another dream that depends on someone else’s selection to achieve. 

 

Mentors Offer Encouragement

 

Beyond just providing an outside perspective and giving you advice on decisions, mentors can also offer you daily encouragement. In fact, a good mentor will know you so well that they will know how to offer you the exact kind of encouragement that will get you going when you are stuck in a rut. This encouragement can help you to better stay on your path towards success. 

 

Mentors Introduce You To A Network

 

One of the other things that makes a mentor great is that they usually have a network of people behind them who are also available to you. They may introduce you to new people who can help you along your path. They may know people who can advise you in difficult situations. Either way, a mentor will introduce you to people who will be invaluable to your journey! 

 

Overall, if you find yourself struggling, it may be important that you find someone to mentor you. A mentor is a valuable person who can provide you with knowledge and help you see things that you normally can't. Not only that, but a mentor can offer you encouragement as well as introduce you to other new people who can be a great addition to your life. 

 

5 Starter Steps to Self-Improvement

Let’s start by acknowledging that we’re fantastic just the way we are! Everything you’ve done and everything you are makes you you, which is a pretty terrific individual!

That said, we have to be honest with ourselves and say that there are things we’d like to see change. Maybe it’s how you deal with challenges or what you do when confronted with a disrespectful colleague.

 

These little habits or tendencies may not only be frustrating, but they could also be standing in the way of you getting an awesome promotion. So, why let them?

 

Below are five starter steps to self-improvement and feeling phenomenal about yourself.

 

Take a look.

 

1. Get to Know You

 

We take for granted that we know what we want. But unfortunately, no one teaches us how to determine our likes and dislikes, hopes and dreams. And it can take years until we actually know who we are.

 

One of the most important steps of self-improvement is understanding yourself. So, get curious about what makes you who you are. Once you become familiar with all the layers, you can start making the changes you need to improve.

 

Look at yourself objectively and ask yourself these questions:

 

• What’s my biggest motivator?

• What do I enjoy doing?

• Who are my biggest supporters?

• What are my core values?

• What do I worry about?

• What are my strengths and weaknesses?

 

2. Sleep Well

 

If you’re a night owl or just like partying, then you have to put your obligations first. It’s okay to go out with friends and enjoy a night out once a month. Yet, it’s a whole different ball game when you spend every night watching mindless hours of TV or scrolling through social media.

 

That’s ruining your cognitive abilities, as well as your physical health. Plus, it’s wasting tons of hours when you could have been doing something else.

 

According to the Sleep Foundation, the average adult needs between 7–9 hours of sleep each night. Getting that quality sleep will help you wake up fresh, energized, and ready to embark on a new day.

 

Besides keeping you focused and alert, good sleep boosts your immune system, reduces stress, and helps you maintain your weight. In addition, sleep can lower the risk of chronic diseases, such as heart disease and Type-2 diabetes.

 

3. Work Out

 

Your physical well-being has a direct impact on your mental and emotional state. Therefore, being healthy is important to living a high-quality lifestyle and not fearing what needs to be changed or improved.

 

More importantly, through regular exercise and eating healthy foods, you fuel your body and mind. So, you stop aching all over and start feeling energized.

 

You can go up a flight of stairs without feeling like your heart is about to pop out of your chest. Walking becomes your new mode of transportation, and your clothes look better than ever on you.

 

Combined, these things factor in on how you feel about yourself. When you look good, your self-esteem gets a nice boost. You become more confident to try new things or meet new people.

 

4. Stay Curious

 

Make a habit of learning something new each day for the rest of your life. Being exposed to new ways of thinking and doing has the power of changing the quality of your thoughts.

 

You get to see things from a different perspective, which gives you insight into new information. As a result, you can start changing how you live for the better.

 

Being curious doesn’t always have to be for young, eager children. You can do the same thing at any age to help you stay alert and active.

 

After all, if we’re not learning and growing, then we’re dying. Check out some ways to keep learning at any age:

 

• Read 1–2 books each week

• Take an online course

• Sign up for a class at your local community center

• Do something that scares you once a month

 

5. Celebrate Your Successes

 

No one knows about celebrating successes perhaps better than Nelson Mandela. He said, “Remember to celebrate milestones as you prepare for the road ahead.”

 

Make a habit of recognizing your hard work and accomplishments and the sacrifices you made to get there. Be proud of your progress and how you feel about everything you’ve learned in the process.

 

When you look back and know what you’re capable of achieving, you get a fresh insight into what needs to be tweaked for the next challenge. Then, you can make changes where needed to keep moving forward and improving day by day!

6 Ways Being Authentic Spurs Success

Everyone wants to succeed. It’s normal to want to achieve things in life. The question is, how do you want to go about it? You’ve got goals, but what traits do you need to get where you want to go?

 

There are a lot of the standard answers, such as having grit, integrity, a lot of confidence, and a creative spark. But have you considered how being authentic takes you into the new success of the modern world?

 

Think about these things:

 

Simplified Decision-making

 

Being authentic means, you stay true to yourself. By extension, you remain true to your goals as well. Authenticity makes it easier to choose your next steps, as everything you do will reflect your values and where you want to go. 

 

You Protect Yourself from Less Than Favorable Influences

 

If you’re authentic, people who aren’t as open or truthful in their own lives will tend to shy away from you. Even when they don’t, your inherent honesty is going to make it easier for you to spot people who aren’t as authentic as you are. 

 

People Want to Be Around You

 

When you’re authentic, people know they can trust you; they want to be around you. Looking for people to work with on a project? You’ll have plenty of volunteers. Even in social situations, you’re going to find yourself the center of attention more often. You’ll make better connections with people who are interested in helping you on the road to success.

You’re Quick to Learn New Things

 

Being authentic means you’re not going to waste time lying to yourself. If you’re stuck or don’t know what to do next, you’re more likely to look for solutions and find them, leading to more successful outcomes.

 

No Regrets

 

How many times has your gut tried to tell you something was wrong, or that you were heading off on a tangent? Authentic people tend to pay more attention to these feelings. Paying attention to your gut feelings will stand you in good stead because, more often than not, your intuition is right. When it comes to making other decisions, authenticity will guide you to do what you really want to do, over what you ‘should’ do. Listen to your intuition, and you’ll find you have fewer regrets and more achievements.

 

You’re Seen as Having Integrity

 

Reputation matters. It is perhaps the most significant help in achieving success. If people see you as being ‘real,’ they’re going to support you in whatever you do. Success comes naturally from here.